any other teachers-how do you manage it?

[kirstygem]

I started back at a new school full time in Jan. My DD is 9 months old and now goes to nursery fulltime. Decided to go back to work after a great 9 months at home with DD, financially not working with me staying at home.
Just finding it a real struggle to balance full time work with missing DD, housework and the schoolwork I have to do at home.
I leave school as soon as bell goes so I can have a couple of hours with DD. then have tea, put on a washing etc and then sit down to do minimum of 2 hours schoolwork. Never have anytime for myself and spend weekends trying to clean house and have time with DD. I know its the same for all working mums but think I could probably just about cope if didnt have all the marking, planning etc to do at nights . Parents nights and meetings after school just make it worse and my DH is not exactly helpful round the house.

[Elasticwoman]

Kirstygem - you are trying to do 2 jobs. Being a teacher is more than full time during term time. Babies and houses don't look after themselves. Can you go p-t, eg do 4 days? You must be exhausted even if dd sleeps through the night (which they mostly don't at her age). Dh should do more if he expects you to earn money. Could you get a cleaner?

[cece]

I did this with my first but by the time I had number 2 I admitted defeat and went part time, so sorry can't really help.

Mark as much as you can during lessons. Get the kids to tell you to have a pen in your hand at all times. Can you read out answers so they can tick their own work at all?

Do less housework/get a cleaner.

Do you work through your lunch break already?

Get DH to help more. Think that is an important one.

[cazzybabs]

Find a job in a private school!

[Moomin]

Do you absolutely have to work full time? I went back to teaching after dd1 on 3 days and found it just about manageable so I really feel for you. One of my best friends at school went back full time after her ds was born and found it really hard. After 6 months she approached the boss and asked him if she could go down to 3 days, which she has done ever since. Would 4 days be feasible?

Elasticwoman is quite right - you're trying to do two fulltime jobs.

[Moomin]

oh yes and agree with cece about your dh. You must sit down and have a heart to heart with him and tell him you are struggling and he needs to help out a whole lot more. My dh does all the washing and does the kids' bath and bed every night - he also packs dd2's bag for the childminder each day that I work. Don't know how I'd cope otherwise (well I would but it would be bloody hard). Would your dh help out if he knew how things were getting you down?

[kirstygem]

Thanks for the advice girls.
Do work a couple of lunchtimes but think its important to get to know the other staff and also keeps me sane to talk to other adults!
I am going to ask my boss about going down to 4 days per week as its just getting too much for me. Suggested it to DH and he thinks it a good idea so I could do all the housework on my day off from school
Do need to have a big talk with him as he just doesnt get how tired I am am. He says he will do mosre round house if I ask him but sometimes its just quicker to do it myself and would like him to just realise things like a washing needs done instaed of having to be told!!! My DD does sleep from 6.30pm til 7am though so that is a big help.

[Ladymuck]

If you going to be working then DH needs to take on some of the tasks. I found that it was easier just to give dh a whole area - say laundry - beginning to end. I didn't tell him whether to do a bit every day or to spend all weekend on it - that was down to him. You cannot work, be a mother and have someone else in the house who is not pulling their weight.

[robbosmum]

Most women find this issue hard, i am going back to work soon and dreading it for all of the reasons yuo have said. I have sat down with dh and workrd out a rota of responsibilty which sounds boring, and ism but i KNOW I would get furious expectng him to mindread when something needs doing as well as being astonished that he cant see it need doing in the 1st place. Men are good with consequences
e.g. this am no beef taken out of the freezer did ask him x2 last night, CONSEQUENCE - he does his own tea tonight
harsh but fair

[kirstygem]

Think I need to start being more harsh!!
I keep threating to not do any of his laundry and then he would run out of shirts for work but have never followed it through yet. Also struggling to accept that teachng and schoolwork is not the main thing in my life now. When I was single and didnt have DD I was a workaholic regarding school and now finding it hard to accept that just cant devote that much time to it now.
Got meeting with boss next week about going down to 4 days after the summer hols[smile[

[LoveMyGirls]

On the subject of your dh, tell him a few things you want him to be responsible for everyday. for eg my dp is responsible for...

emptying and stacking dishwasher if it needs it
making our bed
bathing dd2 when he gets home
putting wheelie bin out
anything car, pet or garden related (i will help out if asked)
generally on hand to spend time with the girls between bath and bedtime.
Anything specifically asked.

When we first had dd2 he was a bit lost and i made the mistake of saying help me, do stuff - my mistake was not being specific enough, generally men dont see mess/ don't know exactly what you want so they do nothing - very helpful! So the trick is to give him a list of tell him exactly what you want him to do and that it needs doing everyday. Dp does fine now he knows what im expecting.

[fizzbuzz]

Wouldn't your day off be better spending time with dd than housework?

I am in same position as you, about to go back to work as teacher, but If I can manage financially to do 4 days, then have made it quite clear, that my day off is for dd NOT for housework.......

[LoveMyGirls]

Another thing they get used to you being at home and doing everything they do need a swift kick up the backside when you return to work.

Its now my dp who gets up in the night when he has work the next day because he knows that.....
a - i sleep through it and he doesnt so why wake us both up
b - i get up at 6am
c - i work 11 hours a day (morew if hes late home)
d - he is a star
e - im a nightmare if im tired

[robbosmum]

ahhh lmg

[LoveMyGirls]

Dp says i don't do as much as other women do for their men but as i rightly pointed out...

1. I rarely feel put upon, i feel we both do our share and we both work bloody hard and we both bring up our children.
2. If i did more for him - who is a capable, grown adult as well then I would have less time and energy for fun stuff with our children and as a result our relationship/ sex life would suffer.
3. It works for us so why do more just because other women wait on their men hand and foot. (they may not work 11 hour days, run their own business or have 2 kids etc)

[REIDnotREEDorREAD]

i am a full time teacher and am finding it exhausting! it is such a long day! a few things i do to reduce the work load...

keep all my lessons on powerpoint so that i can reuse them (which saves a lot of planning time)

mark as much as possible in class/ get pupils to mark work where possible

do activities with pupils that still teach the content/skills but dont require marking

at home i insist on dh sharing the workload, which he does most of the time (but not always) lots of our chores get done at the weekend (although dh plays rugby EVERY saturday)

i have been teaching at the same school for a number of years though and so am familiar with the SoW which is a big help. Marking is the main problem i find (i teach 15 different classes!!)

another important thing you have to accept is that your house will never be as clean and tidy as much as it was pre lo!

sorry that seems so negative, it wasnt meant to be!

[ScottishThistle]

You don't have to tell Nursery fee's but would it be worthwhile for you to think about having a Nanny?...If you got a good one, she could do some light housework too.

[kirstygem]

Yeah if i can go down to 4 days will use that day for DD not just housework. I really missing her although she has settled really well and loves nursery. My nursery fees are £560 per month and I prefer that to a nanny or CM as she is getting lots interaction with other children.
I definately have to accept my house will nver be so clean again and also that DH needs to help more. He has the mindset that if he does something round the house that he has done me a favour by doing some of my jobs!!
I teach 24 diferent classes in a week so the marking is just ridiculus. Defintely have to get some peer marking going on

[fizzbuzz]

24 different classes???!!. How many periods have you got on your timetable?!!

Are all of them single period lessons, no Y10 or 11 who have 2 classes?

[kirstygem]

I teach in a middle school so Year5-8. I teach RE so everyone just gets a single lesson a week with me. It does mean I can repeat lessons whole a year group but marking, reports etc are just a nightmare Roll on the Easter hols!

[fizzbuzz]

God how awful...Years 7 and 8 are so lively!

They wear me out more than any other years incl Y9

[kirstygem]

I have 6 Year 8 classes and they all think they really tough because they are at the top of the school, in for a shock when they go to upper school!!
Just feel like its a constant whirlwind of classes in and out again.
Had good chat with DH though and he agrees he needs to do more round the house. I don't quite believe it will happen but we shall see

[PanicPants]

I went back to school full time in Sept after a years mat leave - and it is really difficult. I applied for p/t but was turned down (long long story).

So now I've managed to adapt. I do ALL my marking during the lesson - I work with 2 groups in every lesson (Lit and num) while my Ta works with the other 2, and thoroughly mark their work. The Ta just signs her name to show they had adult support, and then the next lesson we swop over.

I split the planning with my year group partners so we cover everything between us, which really reduces the workload, and I never, ever leave school without having the next day planned and prepared for.

That means that the time I have at home is for ds and dp.

Dp also has to pull his weight around the house.

Of course, the PPA time makes it much more managable.

But, reports are looming, so I guess those will need to be done at home

[DebitheScot]

I've just (this week) gone back to work after having a year off. I'm doing 3 days a week and hoping not to have any school work to do at home.
I don't think ds (10 months) has any real concept of time at the moment so we decided to have him at the childminder until 5.00pm on those 3 days so I can get all my work done at school. I don't think he'd know the difference if he was picked up at 3.00pm or 5.00pm so those 2 hours make all the difference to me but none to him. Does that make any sense??
My school doesn't have a long lunch break, just 2 20 minute breaks so i can't get any work done at lunchtimes (but then I wouldn't anyway as I like to natter too much). It means we finish at 2.30 though so plenty time for a break and then get all the work done. Thats the theory anyway. Whether it'll still work like that when I've got lots of marking to do though remains to be seen.

So anyway, the point of this ramble was- kirstygem, could you leave DD at nursery till 5.00pm ish and get your work done then so you don't have to take so much home? And then time at home is family time and not work time.

[ravenAK]

I teach f-t (kids are 2.6 & 11 months). Comparing notes with a colleague with children of comparable age who does 4 days, I reckon I have the better deal - she still has reports/meetings/parents' evenings/planning for supply bod for her 'day off'/practically all the marking - I think she does 95% of the workload for 80% of the pay tbh.

My solution is:

1. dh works from home 1 day a week - reduces cm bill & he gets some (never enough!) housework done
   
2. dh takes & collects kids - so I leave house at 6.45 & get back about 5
   
3. When I get home, I cook tea before removing coat & shoes - or it just wouldn't happen
   
4. I do an hour or so's work for school on the PC each evening when the kids are in bed
   
5. the bit that DOES depress me. Dh takes the kids out for 2-4 hours every Saturday so I can make inroads into huge pile of marking/planning which has accumulated all week...pisses me off because I'd rather be out with my family.
   
   It's hard work!

[PanicPants]

Debithescot - thats what I was trying to say too!