Help. I'm feeling so overwhelmed and worried that I'm just going round in circles, panicking and not getting anything productive done.
I have been out of the work force for 3 years raising DC (DD1 is 6 and DD2 is almost 3), and so far we have managed to survive on one salary. However, we now realise that we barely have enough get by and need to do something about it. DH is looking for better paid work, but realistically I need to get a job.
Problem is I'm having a total career/personal wobble. I've been a bit of a flake with my career...started in one thing, did it for 4 years (including getting a master's degree in it), and then switched back to my original discipline (a science that I had not worked in previously) in 2009 (after getting another masters) and resigned from that when had DD2 in Sept 2013, having already taken a year out 2010-11 for mat leave with DD1, so not really gaining a huge amount of experience. My experience working for a highly competitive oil company didn't go well...I fell foul of their awful performance review/ranking system and even though I worked hard, got praised to high heaven during the work, was nailed to the wall during my reviews. It seemed that whatever I did, I just couldn't win. This has absolutely destroyed my self confidence and i have literally been dreading having to get back into the work force. I now find myself at 40 feeling totally worthless. I can't sleep or eat for the worry of 1) not being able to pay our bills, 2) fear of not being able to find a job that pays enough for childcare (pre and after school club and f/t nursery/child minder for DD2). We've worked out that I would need to earn £30k gross to cover the childcare and help contribute to our monthly finances. In my previous job as a scientist I used to earn about £50k, but I know that I'm not going to be able to earn this kind of money now and am resigned to that fact. I have recently started a w/e job at the local super market which contributes about £300/m to our income, which is a help, but things are still tight. I also volunteer for a couple of hours a week with Age UK visiting lonely OAPs.
The long and short of it is that either I need to find a £30k job local to us (having us both commute to London won't work out for child care drops etc) in West Sussex, or find something that I can do from home or during nursery hours until DD2 at school and we can use before/after school clubs for her too. For the past 18m or so I have had an online retail business selling fabric (as I love sewing), so have experience of setting up running my own (small) business. The business ticks over, but all money I make gets reinvested into new stock, so I don't earn a salary. I used all my savings to set the business up, and to take it forward would involve a serious time and financial investment. But I have learnt lots in the process, including utilising social media to market my business. I find this aspect pretty interesting and fun although am totally self taught, and probably know very little in the grand scheme of things, but is this something that I could make a career from? I would be so grateful for any advice in moving forward with this. I know there are online course etc that I can take, but need advice from people that work in this field as to what I can do to move forward with this and the right courses to do etc. It may well be the case that it's not financially viable for me to work until DD2 is at school, in which case I want to use the next 2 years as efficiently as possible to improve my chances, including doing some p/t voluntary work if it gets me experience. I am a hard worker and bright, and a nice person, but I am crippled by self doubt and fear of financially sinking. I'm feeling very tired (and hormonal, which isn't helping!) but I cried all night last night and was shaking with anxiety. I can't go on like this. I feel like such a failure...Crap mum, crap wife, crap at previous job, afraid of the future. DH is wonderful and has been very supportive. He works really hard and is very senior, but I know that he thinks I''m being a loon, and I fear he will lose patience with his mad wife.
Sorry about waffling on for so long. If you read this far, thank you!
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Career change after break - Social media and marketing am I being realistic?
12 replies
Geobaby · 26/10/2016 08:58
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hutchblue ·
26/10/2016 10:27
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hutchblue ·
26/10/2016 14:53
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