"Are you not back at work yet?" Arghhh

(9 Posts)
mamarach26 Fri 16-Sep-16 23:15:48

I don't want this post too be really long, so I will try and keep it short.
I have worked since I was 12, every weekend at a vets as a casual. I did this all the way through school and college. Then I turned 18 and they made me relief manager, then I found out I was pregnant at 20. I was working part time at the vets and got another job as a care assistant, I loved it. It was only a 6 month contract.
When my DS was 9 months I got another job as a HCA and left the vets as I couldn't get the childcare as my partner works nights. Then I got bullied in my new workplace, I caught the senior nurses calling me a few times. I left after 3 months. My DS is now nearing two and I have this guilt looming over me that I don't work. I always get people saying "are you not back at work yet?" And I feel so ashamed saying "not yet no"
I think I just needed too rant, as I didn't keep it short at allllll. sad

EffieIsATrinket Fri 16-Sep-16 23:27:50

Anyone who loves working as a care assistant won't be short of job offers when the time is right for you to go back.

Two years old is still very young esp if childcare is going to be complicated.

People might just be making conversation, they might be goady, thoughtless or simply too stupid to see the barriers you would face going back to work right now.

I work PT 20hrs or so per week (DC 7 & 5) but weird unpredictable shifts (suits me well). A neighbour asked me when I was going back to work the other day. We have lived here two years during which I have followed a similar shift pattern hmm.

Now when I leave for work I loudly shout 'off to work dear!' to my DH as I get into my car - he replies 'Ah yes WORK, enjoy your WORK' and so on. Juvenile but makes me grin.

Don't stress yourself about it. Plus if you're hoping for another DC you may not go back for a while yet so better to grow a thick skin and zone the nosy questions out!

mamarach26 Sat 17-Sep-16 06:47:41

Thank you so much for the reply, my stomach drops every time someone asks me that question. You have made me feel so much better. grin

helzapoppin2 Sat 17-Sep-16 07:12:40

It's one of those awful questions some people ask without thinking about it or, thinking about how it would make you feel! It's infuriating because it implies a judgement.
It's almost worth an elevator pitch. Just tell them all the same pre prepared thing, to set their minds at rest, because, really, what you do is nobody's business but yours!
There'll be plenty of time to work when the time is right!

mamarach26 Sat 17-Sep-16 08:42:00

I just always worry about looking like a "lazy mum" like people don't think I've worked at all! If I did work I'd be paying more for childcare than I would earn. It just doesn't make sense. My partner gets double the wage I would. X

TisConfusion Sat 17-Sep-16 09:05:49

I was asked this when DC1 was 2 months old! And as it turned out I didn't return to work after maternity leave (the hours they offered me weren't feasible plus all my wages would've been spent on childcare).
I totally get what you mean about not wanting people to think you're lazy and I've had so many comments that make me feel bad but the way I look at it is that I have worked, I'm now at home looking after my young children (which isn't exactly easy) and I will go out to work again soon. Plus it's no one elses business!

mamarach26 Sat 17-Sep-16 09:37:27

So glad people feel the same about this! I'm always reading things on how mums have a ft job while having kids and just feel guilty. I think it's because everyone in my family is employed with really professional roles. So I sort of feel like the failure, that I can't support my family.
But like you have all said I shouldn't care what other people think.

RiverTam Sat 17-Sep-16 09:44:44

Obviously you should do what works best for you, but could there be an issue for you returning to work with a big gap in employment? If that was the case then even if you were in effect not bringing any money in, as long as you weren't worse off I think it might be worth it.

My family are also all working mothers. This is partly because there's a bit of an ingrained thing of never depending on someone else for money (there's a historical reason for this that I won't go onto but means it does make sense). I'm not working at the mo and I am aware that if DH lost his job we could be very stuffed.

mamarach26 Sat 17-Sep-16 09:52:54

I intend on going back to work, but just couldn't afford the childcare at the minute. My partner is a bouncer, so he can get work really easily and earns double what I would get. So I probably would be worse off. You have intrigued me about the historical thing now!!

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