I hope that this doesnt read as a pity party, but I am hoping that maybe some of you could have some advice that I could really use at the moment. I dont really have any support in real life, so I dont really have anyone that i can turn to.
I think this is all a part of the issue that im currently facing, life has thus far been quite difficult (to say the least!) I grew up in a very dysfunctional and somewhat abusive environment, then I fell pregnant at the age of 16, and my daughters father spent the next five years trying to ruin me. I am now 25 years of age, with no extended family, no real friends and I have some serious confidence issues, many of which I put down to the relationships I had with my DDs Father, and my own family..... im sorry that this is REALLY long, but I dont want to drip feed.
So, I want to be in work. I want to feel like a useful human being who does something, I currently earn no money, have no money, and everything I want or need, I cant afford. It was my Husbands birthday last week, and fathers day. I couldnt buy anything for him, which was heartbreaking, because im really appreciative of the fact that he took my daughter on, and not only provides for me, and the extras that my illnesses mean we incur (i have a personality disorder, anxiety and have depression, all of which seem to be drug resistant) but he pays for everything out of his wages.
So this is not only down to wanting to feel like a worthwhile human being, but I also want to contribute to my own upkeep, because I feel like a scavanger (not that women should feel this way, if their husbands support them, but its the way I feel, and its not like theres not something I always need)
Ive been trying to think of jobs that I would be good at, things that I can do, but it always seems like a bit of a non starter for me.
When my husband and I met, id recently finished an IT apprenticeship, but I was no good, so I decided I wanted to start my own beauty therapy business, when that didnt work out very well, I busied myself with trying to do my husbands paperwork, and laboured for him occasionally. Ive worked in Mcdonalds as a cleaner, I worked in toys r us as a sales associate, I went from this to working for betterware as an area manager, when this didnt work out, I started an avon round. I worked as a pawnbroker for a short time last year, I decided to start dog walking recently, but this also seems like it will not be a good fit for me either.
Im relatively well spoken, adequately educated, I think im a pleasant enough person, im a hard worker, and I always try my best but it never really seems like im adequate enough in any area to get a job.
Ill be completely honest and say, I dont even really care what work i would need to do, I just want to do something.
Has anyone else ever felt this way?... did you find anything that was a good fit?
Im learning to drive, im hoping that I can maybe try courier trype work, see how that fits, but I dont want to feel like a failure if it doesnt work out.
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I dont feel like theres anything I could be good at!
9 replies
hungryhippo90 · 26/06/2016 22:25
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