Please help - only have until Tuesday to either be a sahm mum or working mum?

(35 Posts)
MOB247 Sat 28-May-16 20:58:00

If anyone can give me some perspective that would be great - have been agonising over this for weeks and the deadline is very near.

Currently on mat leave with My second ds. Have until Tuesday to let work know if I am returning or not. Previously working 3/4 days.

My DH is pushing me to be a sahm and I must admit I have enjoyed my mat leave a lot more 2nd time round.

My main worries about not returning to work are :
I have worked at the same place for a few years and have good hours.
Would I get another job like it if I took a break for a while?

Money wise we would be ok if I didn't work but would be nice to have a bit of extra money for holidays etc?

Am totally split 50/50 at the moment - if anyone could tell me good/bad parts of working and staying at home I would be so grateful! Aargh stressing out! It's ruining my bh weekend!!!

farfallarocks Sat 28-May-16 20:59:29

Why is keen for you to be a sahm? If you have good hours and a job you enjoy which you can do 3/4 days a week I think you might regret giving that up
In future

RNBrie Sat 28-May-16 21:03:59

It's easier resign than it is to find a new part time job. After my 2nd mat leave I was desperate to stay at home and we could have managed financially. It was my boss who talked me into going back part time to see how it went. He said he'd seen too many women leave and then struggle to get back into in a couple of years later.

So in your position I'd go back and see how you feel in 3-6 months. You can always resign at that point if you still feel the same.

Piemernator Sat 28-May-16 21:04:54

What would your financial set up be? Main MN mantra is all pooled as family money though DH and I do not do this. I am currently a SAHM as not working but I still have my own income.

RNBrie Sat 28-May-16 21:05:08

Oh and I loved working part time. Loved it.

Just started mat leave 3 but I fully intend to return three days a week at the end of this one.

museumum Sat 28-May-16 21:06:03

100% go back, see how it is, resign if you don't like it after 4-5months.

Squeegle Sat 28-May-16 21:07:09

the problem is really getting back in again later. Why don't you try it and see how you get on?

NapQueen Sat 28-May-16 21:09:51

I'd go back. I think sam or not, it's nice to have something that is just for you. With work; especially 3/4 days a week; you get a break from the relentlessness of kids, a bit of something that is all you, and should you ever decide to go back into the workforce it's a damp sight easier if you keep a hand in.

Could you do a set three days?

trilbydoll Sat 28-May-16 21:10:39

I too would go back and agree to revisit it in 3 months. Much easier than discovering in 6 months that your husband is expecting you to do everything, you hate it, and then you can't find anything else.

I've just gone back after my second mat leave. Yes, mat leave was better this time, because dd1 is my little buddy on a good day. But I love being at work, being valued for what I can do, rather than the constant demands of small children.

It's a bit rubbish, always feeling like you should have got up earlier / done more / got xyz sorted. But equally on Friday (my day off) we went out for lunch and I didn't think twice about spending £17. I couldn't afford that, and the other nice days out, if I wasn't working!

Pico2 Sat 28-May-16 21:11:34

I agree that it can be hard to find a PT job. Though you will know if that is the case for your type of role. I work PT and I haven't seen a similar job advertised.

milkandmarmite Sat 28-May-16 21:13:07

Go back. You can always change your mind further down the line. This is the better way round.

MOB247 Sat 28-May-16 21:27:00

Thanks for all the advice!

Far - my DH wants me to be a sahm because his mum was and I think he's become accustomed to me doing the lions share of house work & cooking!

I probably should have mentioned this earlier but my work want me to go back 12 hour days if I do 3 days, (which is what I would want - think 4 might be a push). So I'm also worried about how I'm going to bf my son working these shifts! Would be much happier if they let me do 8 hour days!

Ilovewillow Sat 28-May-16 21:37:28

I would go back and see how the first few months go and then revisit your decision!

MrsCrankypants Sat 28-May-16 21:41:04

Can you take a career break? Then you could stay at home for a while and see how you feel in a year or two while still having the safety net of a job to go back to if you want it?

AgeOfEarthquakes Sat 28-May-16 21:41:20

Keep your options open. Go back and see if you like it. If you don't you can always hand in your notice a few months down the line.

Regarding breastfeeding, your employer must provide you with a space to express milk if you wish to do that.

Hedgehogparty Sat 28-May-16 21:56:04

Don't do something because your DH wants you to. Sounds like he thinks his life is easier with you at home.
I'd go back and see how it goes.

Maverick66 Sat 28-May-16 21:57:14

I gave up full time work 17 years ago when 3rd DC was born.

Stayed at home until DC3 started nursery then went back part time which I enjoyed.

Made redundant four years later.

Took a childminding job for four years it was great I could be at home and still have little money plus loved looking after my friend's little one.

However, I am now free to go back to work full time but my confidence is gone. The job I had was admin and things have moved so much computer wise which I regret I didn't keep up with.

I feel privileged to have been at home for my children and have seen the fruits of my labour but I am now floundering lack of confidence and lack of skills are holding me back.

I would advise you to return to your job and see how it goes.

If you decide not to return I would advise you to keep your skills up to date.

Good luck.

Maverick66 Sat 28-May-16 21:57:42

I gave up full time work 17 years ago when 3rd DC was born.

Stayed at home until DC3 started nursery then went back part time which I enjoyed.

Made redundant four years later.

Took a childminding job for four years it was great I could be at home and still have little money plus loved looking after my friend's little one.

However, I am now free to go back to work full time but my confidence is gone. The job I had was admin and things have moved so much computer wise which I regret I didn't keep up with.

I feel privileged to have been at home for my children and have seen the fruits of my labour but I am now floundering lack of confidence and lack of skills are holding me back.

I would advise you to return to your job and see how it goes.

If you decide not to return I would advise you to keep your skills up to date.

Good luck.

Marmighty Sat 28-May-16 22:20:32

12 hour days sounds tough, if you are serious about continuing breastfeeding you need to protect your pumping time fiercely, as well as making sure you remain hydrated during the day.

I think part time working is the dream - as others have said, having something just for you, where you are respected, have adult conversations, work friends etc is invaluable to self-esteem, ensuring your have some financial independence. Having both work and looking after DC also helps put each one in perspective.

If your DH is used to you doing everything and is pushing you to stay at home, consider whether this would be something you end up resenting - the balance of your marriage will change if you are sahm, might things be a bit more equitable if you both work, your DH would have to step up a bit (you are not his mum after all).

Finally, if working part time make sure you have very clear boundaries around your hours, resist taking work home etc. It's common for part time work to 'creep' in to a full time job just with less pay.

Good luck!

museumum Sun 29-May-16 08:59:48

Just as an aside. 3 X 12 hour shifts is 36 hours which is officially a full time job. Don't do yourself down saying its p/t. You'll be just as tired / entitled to down time/ rest as someone doing normal office hours five days a work.

MOB247 Sun 29-May-16 17:58:50

Thanks for that musemum !

My main worry is the 12 hour shifts ! I am going to try and request 3 8 hour days but work have pretty much said that's not a option.

My work also don't have a bf room only a prayer room so don't know if o would be able to share that with them if I pump when they're not praying?

Think in the long run it would be better to still work but 8 hour days ! If I did the hours work are proposing I pretty much wouldn't see my kids from sun pm - thurs am !

BonerSibary Sun 29-May-16 22:36:13

Your work have to provide you with somewhere to pump. Logistics of this are their problem, not yours.

If you have a part time job you like and feel settled in, I'd not be giving that up without being sure I couldn't make it work otherwise. Certainly not on the basis that DH had got nicely used to having his housework done for him. Whether you'll be able to get back in or not is hugely field specific, so I think you might need to give more information for anyone to offer thoughts on that.

wobblywonderwoman Sun 29-May-16 22:40:36

I wouldn't like to think your dh Is pushing for you to be a sahm for his own comfort and home cooking either

I would go back - security and own money

ToInfinity Sun 29-May-16 22:48:34

I LOVE being a SAHM! Loads of time with DC, no worries bout covering holidays, sickness etc., if DH needs to go away with work then he can do that without us having to worry about childcare etc. Also can get most house jobs done during the week so we can relax and enjoy spending time together as a family.
Low stress (I say this as a Mum of a DS with SEN, so not all plain sailing!), lots of time, not a lavish lifestyle but enough money. Don't feel like my confidence has dropped, feel confident about going back to work as and when I need too.
Wouldn't change a thing!!

So I say do it ... But only if it's what you want, not just your DH!!

ImperialBlether Sun 29-May-16 22:54:01

I wouldn't go back, not to 12 hour days. You're really lucky to have a choice. I would stay at home and keep my skills up to date with night classes or short courses, then go back when the children are a bit older. If you were unmarried, I'd say go back to work! grin

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now