annoyed with constant questions from colleagues

(34 Posts)
lost2016 Fri 27-May-16 15:33:26

Grrrrrrrrrrr I am so annoyed, I have been back to work since Monday and I am getting sick of the endless questions about who has my daughter whilst I work but today I had just about had enough and was thinking the next person who asks.......well.
I know they say people are only showing an interest but that is an excuse that nosey people use.......I mean common sense would tell you that my child is with family/ daddy/ friends or childcare of some form. I feel like turning round and saying I have left her home alone hanging upside down from the ceiling, it is just getting too much when it feels like every other person is asking me.
I spoke to one of the girls at work and even she straight out said 'duh, use your common sense'
Ok so I start at 5:30am so there aren't any childcare providers about at that time but there is family/ friends/ daddy. I feel like sometimes saying and 'who has/had your kids while you work?'
The thing is there is showing an interest and the is being fing nosey, I would never dream of asking people who had their kids whilst they work - I would use my brain and realise that they are with family/ friend/ daddy etc
It's the fact people ask questions or sorry interrogate you to get information out of you, I find them very invasive and I hate being questioned about anything, I feel like a child who still lives with her mummy, the way I see it people should be free to tell other what they want without feeling like they are at the police station.
I normally just stand there and say I have sorted but thank you - just in case they say they didn't ask that - I can then say 'oh sorry, I thought you were asking as you know of someone who does childminding on the cheap' or something to that effect.
Has anyone else been through this, how did you deal with it, or did you not mind the

PerfectlyPosed Fri 27-May-16 15:36:28

I think they are just making conversation and really wouldn't take it personally.

HumTiddlyTum Fri 27-May-16 15:38:53

To be honest people will just be making small talk and probably have very little interest. Deep breaths.

lost2016 Fri 27-May-16 15:39:26

But it is so frustrating, there are other things to talk about besides who has my daughter and to be honest it's none of their business - unless they can point me in the direction of a cheap child minder. My partner don't get asked who has his daughter whilst he works - so why should I get asked.

lost2016 Fri 27-May-16 15:41:47

I am often caught off guard, even though at home I laugh with my partner about the leaving her upside down from the ceiling but that never rolls off my tongue when asked, so I think I am just as annoyed with myself for not giving the sarcastic answer I would like to.

Pedestriana Fri 27-May-16 15:43:12

1950s assumptions deeply ingrained in people's minds taking the form of 'small talk'? I wouldn't ask anyone this either.
If people aren't interested, then perhaps they shouldn't ask by way of making 'small talk'. There are plenty of things to chat about at work like - "How difficult I would find it to get up to be there for 5.30am" and "What are you having for tea tonight" or "What are you doing over the Bank Holiday?"

lost2016 Fri 27-May-16 16:14:51

You're right there about the 1950s assumptions ingrained in peoples minds but what makes me laugh is it isn't just the older people asking who have grown up kids, its the ones in their 20s/30s like me, who have little ones themselves that ask.
I think it has a lot to do with how you're brought up too, I know I was brought up not to ask inappropriate questions, don't invade peoples privacy.
Yes definitely there, there are other things to take about, like getting up to be at work for 5:30am, or just how are you, how's the family etc
At least I am off now until Monday, I should practice my speech about leaving her upside down - see their reaction.lol.

Pedestriana Fri 27-May-16 20:32:59

I'm one of the 'older' people (late 40s) and I'm amazed at some of the things I hear from younger people:
-women should change their name when they get married
-boys should wear blue/girls should wear pink
-men shouldn't do 'lots' around the house
Sometimes I think we're going backwards!

Pedestriana Fri 27-May-16 20:33:35

FWIW, I'd probably say, "Oh nobody's looking after her. I put some food down and there's a litter tray, she'll be fine."

MrsSpecter Fri 27-May-16 20:37:06

You sound like you have a real chip on your shoulder about this. Whats the big deal about saying "family/daycare"? Its hardly the long buried family secret.

Optimist1 Fri 27-May-16 20:54:42

It sounds as though they're just taking an interest - you've been off on maternity leave, had your baby and are now back at work. The very early start does limit your childcare options, so they're asking a perfectly normal and polite question. You appear to be very sensitive about this!

lost2016 Sat 28-May-16 17:19:25

I feel like saying I have left her home alone, she has all the things around her and is well trained.
I don't think I am being sensitive, I think they are being god damn nosey- even at that time of the morning there is such a thing as family/friends and her daddy. As I have said I would never dream of asking people who has their little one, whatever the time of day we are at work as its f**king common sense - wind your neck in and get on with your family and don't worry about mine! If I want to tell you on my own free will I will happily tell people things but please don't interrogate me.
As I have also said 'just taking an interest' is what nosey people use as an excuse to justify why they are asking. I bet the last 2 posters are one of these people that wants to know everything out of a ducks arse. I agree with pedestrian.
Anyway I asked for advise on how to deal with this, not peoples opinions, I wish I had never posted nothing now and this has left me feeling more annoyed and upset then I was already.

lost2016 Sat 28-May-16 17:21:29

Plus its no one else's business who has her, only I need to know where she is.........There'll be wanting to know when I last went to the toilet next!

drspouse Sat 28-May-16 17:26:30

Annoying isn't it? I'm finishing up a work trip and people ask daft questions.
"Oh are they at home with your DH?"
(Check watch) No, they're at nursery.
"Oh will your DH manage?"
I should jolly well hope so, he's an adult. That comment tells me more about you (dad of one) than us or our 2 children.

Twooter Sat 28-May-16 17:28:56

I am so glad I don't have to work with someone like you.
It's small talk. It's not a big deal.

MrsSpecter Sat 28-May-16 17:31:05

I bet the last 2 posters are one of these people that wants to know everything out of a ducks arse

hmm

Or maybe we arent looking at it from your perspective of having a cery obvious chip on your shoulder and can see that theyre just making conversation. I was in two kinds about whether you actually did have some issue with this particular question or whether its just a personality thing but having see your latest posts i was right the first time. You have an issue with leaving your daughter, for whatever reason and as a result you are in defence mode as soon as anyone even mentions it. Deal with your issue. Those people are just making conversation.

BackforGood Sat 28-May-16 17:33:16

You need to take a chill pill.
People are just chatting. For most people, that would be a fairly safe line of chat for someone who has just started back to work.
You really are over reacting. Are you not confident in the arrangements you have in place or something? As this sounds like someone has touched a really raw nerve with what is genuinely an innocuous comment.

Maybe83 Sat 28-May-16 17:37:03

It's small talk. They don't really give a toss were she is.

Thank god I don't have such uptight approach to being a parent. It must be exhausting getting worked up over such nonsense.

Maybe83 Sat 28-May-16 17:41:15

How to deal with it. Well answer as you really want ie none of your business and I have no desire to discuss my personal life/family in work. This will ensure none of your colleagues will ask about your daughter or family again I'd say.

lougle Sat 28-May-16 17:56:38

They're trying to build a relationship with you! They're using a trivial question to open up communication. I've worked at my workplace 8 months now and I'm still asked who has the children while I work. Is it really so hard to say 'oh I'm really lucky that I have supportive family who can have the children while I work'?? They aren't looking for a detailed report of what time you wake Jemima and what time she must have had breakfast by in order for so and so to be able to take her to the nursery, etc.

If they are younger than you, they may well be imagining themselves in the same situation and wondering how it would work. I have a young colleague who said to me (mid thirties with 3 children at two schools and a governor role) "how do you do it all? I find it hard enough to do our job on its own, but somehow you manage to do our job, your school role and your children. You never come in moaning about it or expecting special favours on the off-duty." She wasn't being intrusive. She just can't yet imagine her life as a mother and finds it fascinating to see a slightly older woman with different demands on her time.

Girliefriendlikesflowers Sat 28-May-16 18:01:52

I don't really get why it stresses you out confused it sounds like people are just trying to be friendly. Kids are a good conversation starter, they might want a recommendation on a nursery or cm or be looking for ideas for when they start their own family.

You sound really grumpy and unfriendly tbh.

Optimist1 Sat 28-May-16 20:08:37

I bet the last 2 posters are one of these people that wants to know everything out of a ducks arse. - sorry, you got me wrong there, OP. I'm just a person who will make small talk with colleagues to keep the workplace a relatively sociable place. I'm probably the least nosy person you could meet.

As Maybe says, there's a simple way to ensure that you're not bothered by these or other questions. (And we'll look out for your next thread "AIBU to be pissed off at colleagues who don't even acknowledge I've had a baby?")

lougle Sun 29-May-16 02:48:54

Someone dared to ask me how old my children are tonight, as we sat in the sitting room, waiting for handover. Well I told them to wind their neck in, with their intrusive questioning and nosiness....oh wait, no, I didn't; I said "10, 8 and 7". Because they were making small talk. To be polite.

PerfectlyPosed Sun 29-May-16 07:53:41

Wow I can't understand why this is getting you so worked up! They aren't "interrogating" you, they're asking a relevant question under the circumstances.

SolomanDaisy Sun 29-May-16 07:57:22

People don't actually give a shit where your daughter is. They're being polite, you've just returned to work and it's an obvious question to start a conversation with. I doubt they can even remember what you answered. They'll remember how much hard work you were though.

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