Finding an au pair - how etc

[MaggieW]

How does having on au pair work? I know nothing about it at all so need some basic information.
What's the best way to find one?
What are their general expectations?
What are they expected to do while with you?
How much does one cost - I've seen some advertise for live in or live out positions - presumably this affects the cost?
Is there a minimum period for one to stay?

Any other info/experiences would be useful. Thanks.

[charlieplus3]

Jmg has an Au Pair so im sure he will give you some good advice, plus you could phone the agencys and ask for information packs to be sent out to you. Good Luck

[Piffleoffagus]

There is an au pair in the house next to us, she works her arse off for pittance, the woman she is with is taking the pi++ totally...
Gorgeous Czech girl, dynamite with littlies
She gets paid £50 per week and board (but she buys her own food as she is health conscious) unlike lady she works for!
For this she irons, washes, cleans, does average of 8 hours a day childcare and most nights too, plus most weekends. Makes me vey mad, she is free to work in the UK now so why she stays I cannot work out!

[twiglett]

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[SenoraPostrophe]

I used this website

It's a US site so many au pairs expect a rather high salary, but there are also many who expect under $100 a week. I read on another site that the going rate is £45 per week for 25 hours a week work, with no weekends.

I'll get back to you on how it goes! (mine is unusual as she has a 5 year old with her and having a 5 year old living here has been a bit of a shock to the system so far! But I do have a baby, so didn't want an inexperienced teenager)

[binkie]

lots of info on this site , also (from a more British p-of-v) here , listed under "In your home".

[Tanzie]

Piff, a colleague of mine also has a Czech girl whom she pays 300 euros a month who does everything babysits free of charge with no notice etc.

I think recommendation is a good way of getting an au pair, if you can. And don't expect them to speak much English on arrival.

[AlanP]

We had an Au Pair, they are not supposued to work more than 20 hours in a week and they are allowed 2 days off per week.

The first, a male au pair, from Czech Republic, was a disaster, his major reason for coming over was to be with his (au pair) girl freind; during the work DW required he would mutter under his breath "women's work" and did the work badly, the final staw was finding porn while he had been on the i/net.

The second. a Hungarian girl, was reasonable at the begining and provided the sort of support we required at the time. However she did not clean to DWs standards. In the end she wanted to leave to be near her friend (8 miles away) and so left us, DW was happy about that, I changed my work pattern to handle the school runs.

Overall, I would say that they can be useful and help with the child care and some of the housework, but you have to be flexible in your attitude and able to accomodate a lodger in the house. One of the major reasons that we went this route was cost. It would have been twice as expensive to put our 2 DSs into after-school club, and we got some house work done.

[MeanBean]

I have so far had 2 au-pairs, and both have been reasonably positive experiences.

The rule of thumb is 25 hours per week, plus 2 evenings babysitting, for £45-£55 per week.

If you get someone from Eastern Europe, they want less money. In general, they also seem to be much more mature and used to children than your average English teenager.

I had a Slovaki girl who was very organised and efficient, and who really bonded with DD but unfortunately not with DS, and I now have a Hungarian boy who is ludicrously macho and not very tidy, but does the job more or less OK. I would warn you that from what I've seen, the average Eastern European male has attitudes to women and "women's work" which I've never come across in anyone under 70 in England.

You have to be aware that they are very young, possibly homesick, don't know the lingo, and need lots and lots of guidance. But if you are prepared to put in the work of ensuring that they know what they are doing and are comfortable, then an au-pair can be not just convenient childcare, but a real asset to a family. I'd recommend them.

[serenequeen]

those of you who have had au pairs - have you been working or has it just been an extra pair of hands around to help out while you supervise?

we are thinking through what some options might be for us after the arrival of no2.

thanks

[Tanzie]

I don't think you should use an au pair to have sole charge of very small children. A useful extra pair of hands if you are there, or to pick up children post school and until you get home from work.

It is important to remember that they are not trained and should not be treated as a cheap substitute for a nanny!

[KateandtheGirls]

Tanzie, as a former au pair I take a little bit of exception to your post. Au pairs are not formally trained like a nanny (hence the cheaper cost), but there is no reason why, if it's someone responsible who you trust, they shouldn't have sole charge of the children.

I was an au pair in the US. It was almost 14 years ago now (gulp!), but I was paid $100 per week for working 45 hours. The work was all childcare, the only housework I was expected to do was the normal stuff that any member of the household would be expected to do. I worked 9 till 6, 5 days a week. I worked for a divorced stay at home mum, but many of my au pair friends worked for working parents, so were with the kids all day by themselves.

[jmg1]

MaggieW, I have had a lot of experience with au pairs and au pair agencies, my situation is rather unique. I tried and tried to get a Nanny but could not find one who wanted to 'live-in' the majority were not interested as soon as they heard 'single father with 3 young kids' I can understand this as there is a shortage of Nannies so why not go to a family with a Mum and Dad with only one or two older kids.
The majority of the Agencies I tried didn't really pay any attention to my situation and sent the first available girl just so they could get their commission. You can advartise on Websites but my best au pairs have come from UK nannies and au pairs phone 01638 560812 and speak to Lea she really listened to the circumstances of the situation here and then considered which of her girls would be most likely to fit in this is good for the au pair's well being and for the family. It is always going to be a bit of a gamble for someone to come and live with you and your family and for everything to work out. But Lea's has by far been the most helpful Agency I have dealt with. Let me know if you need anymore information, as I could go on and on about au pairs and you might fall asleep!

[hattiel]

We have a Polish Au pair staying with us for the past two months. I took us a long time to find someone suitable, Although I am a stay at home mum i have 4 children all under 5 years the youngest are twins, it was essential that we had some one mature and confident to assist with me with the babies.
It took months to find someone, I registered with a few agencies. Many Girls that i spoke to that initially seemed keen, but were totally unsuitable and had different expectations. Athough i was in ugent need of an extra pair of hands waiting finally paid off!! She is great with the all the children although my toddler did'nt like her in the beginging they are now good friends.

[Tanzie]

Kate, no offence meant. But I was thinking of an au pair I know who has sole charge of 5 year old girl (OK, 5 years is a bit older and I would be happy enough to leave a 5 year old with someone I trusted), often completely alone for a couple of weeks at a time while the parents go travelling. She is paid a pittance for this and gets no overtime or babysitting money. The point I think I was trying to make was that you shouldn't treat a young, untrained girl as a nanny, pay her peanuts, then be outraged if/when things go wrong.

[KateandtheGirls]

Point taken Tanzie. Sorry I misunderstood you. I agree that an au pair should be treated with respect and treated as the employee that they are, not like a slave.

[rubyt]

kate and the Girls

saw your post and I was an au pair in USA too - 1989 - 1990 - was that when you were there - were you in NY state? Are you the Kate who looked after the little boy whose mum was a lawyer?

[MeanBean]

I've found that au pair agencies have not been particularly good - they take your money and provide you with a couple of names to choose from, which appear to have been chosen at random. If you use an internet site, you can interview by e-mail over the course of a few weeks and really get the feel of whether someone will fit in with your family.

I have no qualms at all about leaving a mature, sensible, well-brought up young person in sole charge of my children; obviously, you have to have them in the house for a while to gauge how much you trust them. But most of us mothers haven't been trained to look after kids, and we're doing OK. And you have to remember that if they come from a country like Slovakia or Hungary, they generally have a much better level of knowledge about childcare, as they are given responsibility for younger siblings, cousins etc., that British youngsters are not given. But totally agree with the comments about not exploiting them - it's unbelievable how much some people expect for £50 a week!

[KateandtheGirls]

Ruby, I was in NY state - Westchester County. But I looked after 2 little girls. I was there Sep 90 to Sep 91. I was with the agency Au Pair in America.

[elelulu]

Hi,

we have an au-paire staying with us. We pay her £250 per month plus english course (£90 per term), plus of course food and board.

She looks after our 16 months old daughter - we do not ask her to do any housework since looking after the baby is already a full time job.

She has one and a half free days a week plus most evenings. We gave her also some paid leave.
I found her through friends - I am not very willing to rely on agencies.

For us it was definetly a very positive experience - but I guess it all depends on the person you get. She is 25, quite an 'old' age fo an au-paire, definetly a positive factor.

I think it is very important also the kind of relationship you establish with her - we have a very informal relationship, but she told me that some of her au-paire friends have a very formal relationship with their house-ladies (so they are called) - if they work an extra half hour they charge it and so on. They are not treated with much warmth at all, and often time they are quite exploite.

I have tried to make feel my au-paire as part of the family, not as an employee, because I believe it makes everybody happier. If she works more (and she does work al lot) she does not ask for more money - on the other hand I am flexible when she has some requests - e.g. some free time to do something she particularly cares about.

I think it is very important to understand why your au-paire is here to work and held her achieve her objectives (e.g. learning the language, learning about a new culture and so on), nto just consider her a cheap way to get help.

She adores my daughter and my daughter adores her.

[rubyt]

Kate and the Girls - I was in Westchester too - New Rochelle - near Scarsdale - I found it a very difficult year but having said that I learnt a tremendous amount - it also saved me from a life of accountancy ???!! I had a trainee accountancy job waiting for me in the UK but the year out made me realise that it was something that I really did not want to do - many of the famililes had repeat au pairs so it is possible that you took over from one of my friends who was there the year before you?

[KateandtheGirls]

Their previous au pair was called Nicole. I believe she was from Germany. Were you with Au Pair in America?

Au pairing did lead me indirectly into a life of actuarial work (the only career less exciting than accounting). The reason being I met my husband when I was an au pair in New Jersey in 1992, anded up marrying him and moving to NJ, and got a job as an actuary!

[Ameriscot2004]

jmg1: We are working with Lea from UK Nannies and Au Pairs right now. So far, we are very impressed as she is finding an au pair who will fit in our family of 7.

Our employer helps out with childcare arrangements through Bupa Childcare, who in turn use UK Nannies and Au Pairs for au pair placements.

Nice to read of someone who has a positive experience though.

[Ameriscot2004]

Kate:

Blast from the past

[ZolaPola]

oh god, wondering whether to put ds in yet another new (better according to Ofsted) nursery but which would require au pair cover as school hours only... in dilemma as realise it's so much down to individual au pair and how they relate & get on with the family. wd be lovely not to have the stress of rushing back all the time after work too...