Working full time

[Jerseygirl2001]

I feel quite alone in my area in the fact that I feel like I am the only mum that has gone back to work full time. While on mat leave I met some amazing new friends and I loved seeing them all, but now I have returned to work no one invites me anywhere as I'm normally working and they see their families at weekends. I also worry that it will affect my 18 month old daughter. She goes to a childminder so does have interaction with other kids.

I really enjoy working and I can't see financially how we could live if we didn't work full time. I am also aware that I am very lucky to have a full time job and be able to afford childcare (I rely a lot on friends and family too).

Do other people feel the same way? How do others cope with the emotional side of it all? Should I feel guilty for enjoying my job?

Thanks

[Soveryupset]

Having come the other side (four children, all of them now at school), I can assure you that this is a very temporary situation, even though it doesn't feel it at the time.

From the social side, you will find that by the time all the children go to school, most mums will find work - some will go back full time, some part-time, but SAHMs will be in the minority as most will tend to find something during the day, even on a voluntary basis.

Emotionally, I have done something different with all my children; SAHM, full time working mum and part-time; and in all honesty you can't tell which child has had more childcare than another, nor can you tell at school. Really it is all a distant memory. It is also true that high quality childcare and a keen eye on children from a parent can make all the difference.

FWIW my DH has lost his job recently and is still looking for work, and I am grateful every day that I did not leave my career, as we would be in a much worse position right now..

[IndomitabIe]

I was the only one of my 'maternity' friends that went back to work at 6 months, and ft.

Things changed as the children got older, we still met up occasionally, and the best bit was when we ditched the kids and started running together!

Things evolve and change. The ones that work part time didn't see much of each other either as their days were different, etc.

[IndomitabIe]

Oh, and don't feel guilty for enjoying your job! Although I did feel guilty for not feeling guilty for going back to work at 6 months! I'm not cut out to be a SAHM!

[Kennington]

Hey I work full time too. Just enjoy and don't compare is only advice.
If I want to see friends I initiate and take a days leave on and keep my child at home.
Things will change when they are at school.
I appreciate working and am pleased my career has kept going.
Most of other friends work full time though too.

[Oly5]

Hello! I went back to work part time after my first and found it dissatisfying. I'm now back full time and love it. Don't feel guilty!!! Nobody puts this pressure on men. They just work FT and can still be great dads. Women can do the same too, regardless of what the Daily Mail thinks.
Things do evolve and change. I hated leaving my 16 month old at nursery but now he's 3.5 he absolutely loves it and asks to go. I'm glad I kept working through those first difficult months.
I think the lady with four kids above is right - you won't be able to tell the difference once they're all older.
I personally try to focus on quality time with the kids. So I have a cleaner and a nice ironing lady. My free time is then spent doing family things. Make sure your time with the kids counts and you will be fine.
You CAN do it all. And you will make other mum friends along the way x

[mandy214]

Going against the grain - I think it does make a difference - not to the child necessarily (so don't beat yourself up about that quite yet!) but to your circle of friends through the children (and how that then feels / the guilt). I think the key is to making an effort - keep in touch, organise BBQs for the families of your maternity friends/ mums nights / pamper days. Then mums from the childminder / nursery / school etc.