What is it with the bizarre words used at work, can't people use plain english ?

[Rookiemum]

I went in for a training day this week whilst I am still on maternity leave and the thing that really struck me was that I'd forgotten, or been so used to that I didn't notice, the bizarre way people speak.

All the favourites were there, "downsizing" "brainstorming", the tortured old sayings "we need to work smarter not harder" ( well duh ) and the one I hate more than anything "wordsmith" as in "This needs to be wordsmithed" i.e. I'm too bright and important to write a proper sentence so someone lower down the ranks can do it. Its not even a proper word FGS never mind turning it into a verb.

I need to refresh my working vocab for the return day so can anyone help me with their own workplace words.

[Twiglett]

if someone is using the 'wordsmithed' as a verb then you obviously need to brush up on words like 'wanker' and 'twonk'

[Judy1234]

I like the Thursday column in the FT, Lucy Kellaway's skit on language like that. She writes it so well.

[moondog]

lol at twig.
it's all bollocks isn't it ?

[blondehelen]

i can't stand 'quick win' Exec speak for some poor soul has worked their arse off and the execs get the credit

[Twiglett]

what's 'thought leadership'

[hamstermunker]

"going forward"

I want to gouge people's eyes out when they say this.

[Twiglett]

is that like "I thought I was leading the team but it actually turned out I was a complete twonk"?

[smittenkitten]

true confessions - I love the phrase "thought leadership". does what it says on the tin - it's about pushing forward thinking on a topic so we don't all still live in caves and plough the earth with cows' pelvises.

[moondog]

PSML SMITTEN.
wOT FIELD ARE YOU IN???

[mousiemousie]

rookiemum why not embrace it
mumsnet is just the same after all

[hatwoman]

WORDSMITHED rookiemum - you;d like my cv post here this is from a serious career website.

[Twiglett]

" it's about pushing forward thinking on a topic so we don't all still live in caves and plough the earth with cows' pelvises. "

oh please tell me that was tongue-in-cheek

[hatwoman]

Twig - surely you realise that things like inventing the wheel and discovering how to smelt iron were only possible because of a serious cycle of brain-storming, followed by cross-sector consultation with a wide differential of stake holders, resulting in strategic consolidation and, (fanfare...) a PLAN. you should thankful that people were able to think outside the envelope. tsk tsk.

[Rookiemum]

Hee hee twiglett, yes I will be thinking rude thoughts but probably not expressing them.I've not heard of thought leadership, that is exactly the sort of expression that I can drop into conversation that will make me alomst promotable.

Perhaps DH would respond more animatedly to my days exploits if I were to paraphrase them into management speak.

Therefore on Friday I networked with same level colleagues to brainstorm best practice on infant weaning followed by a developmental session to ascertain current marketplace trends.

[WideWebWitch]

ha ha ha, oh I hate all this too.

wordsmithed? wtfkingf?
some people play bullshit bingo in meetings where you score points for every word used.

[Gobbledispook]

Oh God me too - at least one thing I don't miss from being a high flying executive - he he!

[bran]

The company I work used to be quite plain speaking but we were bought by another (huge, world-wide) company and now I don't understand anything that's said by management. The managing director have a video thing that we all had to watch on our computers about how the company was going to restructure. It was about 10 mins long and entitled "from Now to Wow" , and I've yet to talk to anyone in our office who actually understood it. So what was the point!!! And if we couldn't understand it as English mother-tongue speakers, what hope is there that the other offices around the world understood.

[beansprout]

lol @ rookiemum

I have recently carried out a peer evaluation on preferred play items and have now given my parents' the heads up on best value items for purchase of ds's christmas present

[LadyOfTheFlowersIs1Baby1Bump]

'working together smarter'
'there is no 'i' in team'
'a quick show of hands'

glad i'm not going back!

[mumtogusnalbie]

Beansprout - thats nothing!
I walk the walk and talk the talk. I love the customer and am E aware!!
What a load of old c**p!!!!!

[Rookiemum]

www I once was given a Bllsht bingo postcard from a US friend.

One of the phrases was "the whole nine yards" which I had never heard of and had no idea what it meant. However in order to score my bingo I introduced it into our conversation.

Hysterically about two weeks later at every meeting I went to at least one person at each meeting used the saying, again with no clue what it meant..

Perhaps that could be my secret subterfuge mission on my return. I could introduce bizarre words and statements and see how long it takes for them to catch on, think I am going to start with from now to wow.

Anyway I must go and do some pre meeting prep as our out of town colleagues are due to touch base with us tomorrow.