Third Timer but still Freaking Out

[pommedeterre]

So, ds is four months and the dds are school age and preschool age. Am a director in a family business and have to go back to work in Jan. Able to do 4 x ams to start with.
Dd1 school - dd2 a mixture of her preschool and some time at a new nursery and ds at the same new nursery.

Am feeling sure in my choice of nursery but sad and worried about ds (good baby but gets refluxy and hard to feed sometimes). I think he's having a leap currently and is needier than he has been before. I have also been googling studies about childcare so young and feeling wobbly about consequences.

I have always gone back to work early but not this early. Dd2 was doing some nursery at 7 months and then every am from 10 months for eg.

I do have to work anyway so time at home can be stressful juggling 2-3 and work so my cortisol levels should be better at least?!

Anyone else gone back at 4 months?

[CalicoBlue]

Yes, I went back at nearly 5 months with both of mine. They were both in nursery, for six months both at the same time, then dc1 started school.

I worked full time for first year back with DS1, then did 4 days till I had DC2, then worked 3 days for two years after going back with DC2. Now I work 30 hours spread over 5 days.

It all worked out fine, kids were happy at nursery. They are now in their teens and remember their nursery fondly and still have friends they met there when they were little.

It is the mother that has all the worry and guilt. When they are so little, as long as they have good care and are loved they are fine. The woman who ran the baby room at their nursery was fantastic and even now if she sees them on the street will recognise them and give them a big hug, much to their embarrassment.

Working 4 mornings, is hardly an time. By the time baby has been fed, had a sleep, played a bit and had lunch, you will be picking up.

Good luck and try not to worry.

[MrsMargoLeadbetter]

Congrats on DC3.

Firstly, why are you worried about the nursery? In my experience you have to be happy enough with your childcare to feel happy at work. If you have serious concerns about their provision are there other options? Would visiting again help?

I think a wobble is natural. Try not to Google stats!

How do you think your DDs have benefited from childcare? My DS gained lots - educationally, socially and he is happy to take part in group activities wherever we go..DD (1.5) seems to love it.

Also, if it is a family business you are working directly for the benefit of your family rather than lining the pockets of others.

I guess (although this might be an incorrect assumption) you might have a little slack around his settling in, if you need it?

Not wishing to minimise your feelings, but your hours sound good and many on here would covet them. DS won't remember most of nursery, but your school aged DD will recall you being able to collect her. So there is a benefit to doing the hours you do - the Holy Grail of a school hours job!

And lastly, try to focus on what you will gain from working - sense of self, adult conversation, career, money, contributing to the family business, esteem, role model to DC and a more relaxed collection time with DDs.

Can you do something special with DS before he starts to mark the next stage?

[MrsMargoLeadbetter]

Sorry I didn't recall your post correctly (am on app). I see you are happy with your childcare!

I think I also read '2-3' as the time you'd be collecting both DDs.

Arrh!

[pommedeterre]

Thank you! Yes, I am lucky in that I can go back small and get bigger and will be able to do school hours when they are all there. It does also mean lining our own pockets as you point out!
I should focus on that I know. I am probably slightly worried about the chaos and organization that will be needed but we'll get there with that I guess.
Yes - stay away from Google is probably the best advice!!
Everyone in rl looks shocked when I say I'm going back. It's a naice middle class area and most women give up work when they have kids so maybe Im feeling some peer pressure!

[MrsMargoLeadbetter]

Can you do some practice runs or a timetable if you think it will help? It might not be as bad as you think and you probably had a good routine worked out with DDs.

It is similar around here. I was amazed when I was on mat leave (as I didn't see when DS was in wraparound childcare) how many parents are at the school gates at DS's school.

2/3rds of the kids in his class are collected by parents. Not sure how they manage it. Esp as they still afford hols, nice cars etc.

Do "their" opinions matter more as you have been off on mat leave? If your peers were all business owners you would get lots of respect for running/contributing to a successful family business whilst having a young family....

[pommedeterre]

Dd1 started school at the beginning of my Mat leave so have been very influenced by it. Almost feel guilty am going back rather than doing pta etc!

Good idea on time table, am going to do that with dh tomorrow.

Kids have helped me with my guilt today as they have all been horrendous!

Happy new year!