MN verdict - to stay at work or not, what do you reckon...?

[MissChief]

that's it really!
I know, sorry, it's been done to death before but wondering about this for me having recently returned from mat leave...

the pros:
1)good career-wise - continuity of service, i've worked/trained v.v. hard to get where i am
2)£ - should net £500/£600 a mth after all costs
ensuring i get some head-space & me time if only by reading paper on the train
3) we're looking to re-mortgage and my salary wd help towards salary-multiple

the cons
1)leaving my baby - he cries every time
2)leaving my sch age son - he says he'd rather i didn't work
3)moved into new area and wd be lovely to hang out here with the kids and go to more local actitivities.

any thoughts??

[thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat]

you don;t mention if you enjoy the actual work. If so then I would try to negotiate reduced/flexible hours - either 3 or 4 days a week or different hours for term and school time.

[belgo]

What will you regret more in the long run? Time not spent at work or time not spent with your children? Knowing the answer to that helped me with my choice. It is a very difficult decision to make. Hope you make the right decision

[VoluptuaGoodshag]

I'm a SAHM. I'm lucky that I don't HAVE to work though having said that, I don't spend much so I think it's how you cut your cloth. I have a DD aged 3 and a DS aged 19 months. This is the hardest job I've ever done but I'm sticking with it for the time being. There are days when I would love to pack them both away and sit and chill just to get a bit of me time, there are times when they drive me totally nuts, there are times when I think I'm going loopy with no adult conversation. My DH can be away a lot and sometimes I think about getting a wee part time job just to keep me sane but something I saw last week made me feel sad and why I want to bring up my own kids. My DD started a wee dance class. She was supposed to go at 10am but when we got there (just round the corner) the dance teacher said that only one other was turning up that morning so we could either come to the one in the afternoon else wait until next week. NOt a problem for me. The other wee girl turned up with her nanny who had a cam corder. Nanny looked flustered and said she'd had trouble finding the place and yesterday the wee girl had been at music class for toddlers. The camcorder was to capture the moments her mother who was missing everything. It made me stop and think that no matter how keck it can me, seeing all the firsts is magical and you don't get that time back and no amount of money is worth it.

There will be others who say going back to work was the best thing for them and that is absolutely correct. It is entirely up to the individual but for me watching my two grow up is my career for now and woebetide anyone who dares to ask if I'd not be better off in a 'real' job!

[MissChief]

yes, i guess that was a v obvious (and therefore telling?) omission!
i sometimes enjoy it in the sense that i occasionally feel i've done some good. More often that not, i've had to do yet anothe rbox-ticking report with totally unrealistic "actions" in it which may never be achieved due to lack of resources etc etc .Guess what, I work in the public sector! I generally enjoy the sense of achievement on getting us all out the door and to the right place at the right time, dusting myself off ready for the office. I enjoy sometimes the office banter.I hate the politics, commute..

All the usual stuff, nothing outstanding about my position/role..It's not a "dream" job but then I've never known what that wd be (and i've been working for 15 yrs now). The closest i get is when i have the occasional day-dream about setting up my own business.

[MissChief]

sorry- that was to womanwhothoughtshewasahat..
will read the other replies now, thanks!

[CristinaTheAstonishing]

Are you in a job that you can pick up again in 5 years' time or so?

Are you realistic in your expectations of hanging out in a lovely area at local activities? You may just find yourself drifting from one M&T group to another, in search of friendship or just conversation.

[MissChief]

Voluptua - no wonder you don't have to work with a name like that

I suppose, i'm also lucky in that i don't have to as dh earns enough, though i do enjoy contributing financially and worry about the long-term implications of not working. Oh hell, need to mull this over, talk to dh and give it a few more wks to bed down at work i guess before i decide. Got a really long notice period though and my heart tells me i want to be there with my baby at next week's playgroup!

[MissChief]

CTA - I was wondering about the "drifting" from gpto gr,must admit. Keep running into the same mums and v close-knit here, for good & for bad too, I'm sure esp being new in town.

[VoluptuaGoodshag]

That's a good point Cristina made about hanging out in nice groups. I hated mums and toddlers. DD has started nursery/playgroup 4 half days a week and it's nice to chat to other parents at the gate but I found it difficult to make more lasting friendships despite luring people back for coffee. In 3 years I could honestly say I've met one nice neighbour I meet for coffee once a week and one other mum I meet occasionally for coffee and that's it. Everyone else is all really nice but the bestest friends part never seems to happen

[MissChief]

not sure i'm after best friends, though do miss mine from where we lived before. wd be nice to have a couple of good-ish ones though. I work p/t anyway (just realised i didn' mention that before) so if i planned it right cd mix & match i just feel currently that the work portion is way too large.

[VoluptuaGoodshag]

I worked for 16 years and suppose had a 'career' but it was certainly no vocation. I'm a stubborn cow though and whilst everyone was saying oh what about your career, I couldn't have given a toss coz hey it just paid for me to live to do other things, I didn't change the world and life at the office has just continued without me. I miss the craic but not the job. Once my youngest starts school I may start work again doing something that I like or working for myself but I'll see then.

[VoluptuaGoodshag]

I also wouldn't be able to come on Mumsnet when the little cherubs are quietly watching Cbeebies .

Must go for a bit and see that they are not tearing chunks out of each other.

On the friend issue, what I found was I missed my existing friends the most but going back to work would only have sorted that for one of them coz I worked beside her. I console myself that once I've got a bit more time on my side I can start going out again but just now I'm just too knackered - gotta go back soon

[MissChief]

yeah, i haven't changed the world either! what if I'm a crap f/t mum though, be non-achiever all round then?
seriously, this does concern me, at least if i'm working i can judge myself/be judged on how well i do both and juggle..

[beckybrastraps]

I had 14 months at home with my first child, went back to work full-time and then gtopped working after my second child was born. I loved my job, but, not being very organised, I found the logistics of working once my oldest child started school rather scary. I also wanted to drop him off and pick him up. I've started an OU degree in a subject I've always been interested, nad which will be of use when I do return to work, or may take me in a different career direction. Without that, I would not be enjoying my time at home as much as I am. I do not see my children as my "job", butI am glad of the time I spend with them. It also makes our home life easier that I am around to keep on top of things during the week, rather than cramming things into the weekends. FOr me, the staying at home and studying combination is perfect at the moment, but it doesn't help the money situation! Swings and roundabouts.

[thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat]

public sector - ime cuts both ways career wise - they're pretty good at flexible working, but also pretty good at facilitating people returning to work after a few years out. I think you've got more choices that won't effect your career than you would in the private sector. I work for an NGO (v similar in hr policies etc). I did a year ft after dd1 was born, than second mat leave for dd2, then retuned 3 days a week. am contemplating taking it to 4 when dd2 is f-t school, but would have to be dragged kicking and screaming to a f-t job. 3 days a week has honestly been really good for me

[MissChief]

Oh Becky, sounds perfect! I'm itching to study (yet again) but realistically sd wait until ds2 is at least in pre-school otherwise wd be way too expensive childcare-wise to justify it. I feel studying cd also be a good reason to be at home as well as the obvious, if you see what i mean?

[Bramshott]

FWIW, I think that all kids would probably say they'd rather their mummy didn't work (my DD certainly does), but I don't think that's necessarily a thought-through response or a real request for you not to do it.

I work (albeit part-time, freelancing mostly from home) because:
(a) most of the time I enjoy it
(b) I need it to keep me sane
(c) I think it's important for DD to see me having a career
(d) it makes the time I do spend with her extra special

If that all makes any sense!

[gemmum]

I'm a wahm mum, i set up my own business and manage to do it with the kids in tow and i also do some in the evening. Its not earning massive amounts of money (yet!) but everything i do earn is extra and as money is tight its all a bonus. It also helps to keep me sane and i can get out of the house and meet others mums/people too.

I have a 13m and a 26m dd and just couldn't leave them..never mind the cost! i find this works well its not always easy and somedays i would do anything for an hours peace but i do feel lucky to be able to be with them all the time.

Goodluck and i just try and remember how short of a time it is that there at home it won't seem 2 minutes til there at school full time.

Gemma

[CristinaTheAstonishing]

"FWIW, I think that all kids would probably say they'd rather their mummy didn't work " That's a good point and my DS says that to his dad. DS is 6 now and can almost understand why we have to work.

[MissChief]

that's true. dh has just confssed i need to stay on at least until we've been thro mortgageapplic as need my income towards salary multiple. have to find a house quickly then!

[CristinaTheAstonishing]

Good luck with the house hunting.

[WideWebWitch]

Can you negotiate term time only or flexible working for a bit to see how you feel?

[mozhe]

Stick with it, it will get better.....We all have ups and downs as working mums,but overall I think you will regret it in years to come if you don't...It is a struggle,( she says, having had x4 pregnancies in the last 5.5 years and one of those a twin...I work full time, and manage mostly..), but you can do it.Think of the role model you are providing to your children ? That helps me..