Other mums returning to work full time- want to support each other?

(476 Posts)
Tweet2tweet Sun 29-Dec-13 21:52:01

I just wondered if there are any other mums returning to work full time in the next few months who want to start a support thread? I am and I'm feeling really anxious. I'm also fed up at the shocked looks I get when I say I'm going back full time. It's not a choice but a necessity.

So anyone want to join and we can talk about how we are feeling and give some virtual hugs when needed?

BraveLilBear Thu 02-Jan-14 12:07:59

Thanks backto glad to hear it went better than you thought! Congrats on being a working mum - I decided while pregnant that all working mothers are heroes smile

Scottish I read Steve Biddulph most recently, had read Oliver James previously who says exactly the same.

Will get googling for counter evidence, thanks.

Bonsoir Thu 02-Jan-14 12:11:22

"Housewife is a middle class affectation, it's a post war thing.women have generally always worked."

Where is your research to back up this oft-repeated myth assertion, scottishmummy? You do realise that married women (not even just mothers) were not allowed to work in many occupations until the middle of the 20th century?

scottishmummy Thu 02-Jan-14 12:15:57

Oh don't get me going on ojames and his affluenza book.women know yer place opinion dressed as hard fact
Tbh it's beyond me why any working mum would read either oj or biddulph
They gave v limited,stereotypical pov on muthas and society,cushy mummy at home,man work.eschew the pursuit of money,pursue fulfilmenr yada yada

scottishmummy Thu 02-Jan-14 12:24:14

A cursory read of any social science book will demonstrate women work, pattern and demographics and that housewife was a position for affluent minority
Yes some professions barred women entering,mc women.the tiny minority,in fact these mc women would have employed female as cook, governess or domestic help
Majority Women and children worked in factories,in fact they were favoured in certain roles eg textiles and factories. Women worked in domestic service too
Women and their children worked until various factory acts and education acts until compulsory schooling(which was unpopular)

TheABC Thu 02-Jan-14 13:28:58

Jumping on the thread! I am going back to work in March -hopefully part time, but that's something I need to negotiate with my employer (any tips?).DS is a total boob monster, but thankfully will take a bottle. I am hoping to get by on food and expressed milk whilst he is at nursary -has anyone done this?

Big hugs to everyone; let's stamp that mummy guilt out!

Bonsoir Thu 02-Jan-14 13:33:46

scottishmummy - those cooks, governesses etc would not have been mothers. When (if) they became mothers, they stopped working.

It is a huge fallacy to think that mothers working outside the home is some kind of Western societal historical norm. It isn't. Historically,where mothers worked, they did so out of economic desperation or they did piece work.

Repeatedlydoingthetwist Thu 02-Jan-14 13:39:13

I'm in. I'm due back at the start of April. I need to see my boss to discuss a flex working request and I'm really nervous. I've got PND as well and I'm really nervous about the whole thing if I'm being honest. I used to be so confident at work but now I'm a wreck.

carlifer101 Thu 02-Jan-14 13:46:07

I'm in! I'm due to go back to work at the beginning of June when DD will be 7 months. To add to the anxiety of leaving her (albeit with my sister, who she already adores) I'll be going back to a job that my heart really isn't in anymore, that has a new manager and new ways of doing most things. Really not looking forward to it. Every time I think about it, my heart sinks! ��

Swanlike Thu 02-Jan-14 13:47:18

Erm Bonsoir, that's not true - the great majority of working class women continued to work outside the home, usually in factories, as domestic servants or in shops. Been looking into my family history and got back to early 1900's - as far as I can see most women in my family had jobs for their whole lives of this kind. Of course it's inpossible to know whether it was part time or full time. Both my great grandmothers and one of my grandmothers worked their entire lives, due to economic necessity and also because they enjoyed getting out of the house. Only my maternal grandmother was the stereotypical 1950's housewife and so seems like an anomaly in my ordinary working class background.

It's normal to have to work, but it's everyone's individual choice how they live their lives. I will be returning to work shortly for 4 days a week, because that's what I want to do and I've worked hard to get my career to where it is and don't want to lose that.

scottishmummy Thu 02-Jan-14 13:48:25

That's not true,in factories, in domestic service children were employed as help
Even if woman did lose domestic job by getting pg there were other employment
Children were routinely employed being small and quick were employed as chimney sweep,factory,coal mines
Good to see we agree women did work,did do piece work were available. they weren't housewife unless had prosperous husband.
The reality is most women worked in local industry, factories,agriculture,there was no social support.those who couldn't work were destitute or in poor house

Housewifery and dependence on a male wage not a norm for women
Only the affluent had that lifestyle
And yes housewifery is a post war affectation,women worked both wars with men away,in jobs traditionally considered male preserve.it was that significant contribution that drove female emancipation. Also drive in societal changes in women expectations

Bonsoir Thu 02-Jan-14 13:51:29

Not only is that not true, but I would greatly question the wisdom of holding up a fictional society of working DC and domestic servants as one of a desirable normality to which we should aspire to return.

Wishfulmakeupping Thu 02-Jan-14 13:52:23

Can I join you all going back on mon part time dreading it feel so nervous about how my dd will cope and just going back to my job I honestly can't remember how to do anything!

scottishmummy Thu 02-Jan-14 13:56:47

Nothing I've said is factually incorrect Go do some book reading bonsoir,
there plethora of literature out there about women and working
Housewifery is a post war affectation,I suggest Betty Fredian good start

Bonsoir Thu 02-Jan-14 13:57:44

I am extremely well read on this topic scottishmummy (clearly much more so than you). I suggest you read something that doesn't only tell you what you want to hear.

scottishmummy Thu 02-Jan-14 14:04:54

What are you disputing?
Housewifery was a preserve of rich,dependent in male wagefact
Upon marriage a prosperous woman surrendered her property and monies to her husbandfact
No universal social provision so those women who didn't work were destitute or poor housefact
Children worked as sweeps in service and in factoriesfact
Women worked in factories,agriculture,significant contribution to industrial revolutionfact
Women made significant contribution in what had been considered male jobs in both WW fact
Housewifery is apost war affectation,not representative of women's employment or contributionfact

As I said do some book learning, Betty Fredian is v good

Bonsoir Thu 02-Jan-14 14:08:07

Her name is Betty Friedan. She is many years out of date. I read The Feminine Mystique in about 1975 and already found it dated. I wonder which century you are living in, scottishmummy, that you have recently discovered what she wrote and attach much importance to it?

Maybe you should get out of your institutional mindset and explore a little?

scottishmummy Thu 02-Jan-14 14:11:04

That's your only come back,can't address the substantive points so nit pick author name
Clearly you have no adequate answer for other facts
As I said do some book reading

Bonsoir Thu 02-Jan-14 14:12:51

There aren't any substantive points, just myths flying about. As I say, take a look at 21st Century reality smile. I understand you are very cross about the past, but really, get over it.

blueshoes Thu 02-Jan-14 14:14:37

Hi Tweet, just wanted to wish you support.

I too was anxious about going back after my first, albeit pt, though now I am back to ft. Motherhood guilt is not a given. So long as you choose your childcare sensibly and make adjustments from to time as your circumstances change, there is no reason why you cannot concentrate fully at work safe in the knowledge that your children are thriving and cared for.

See this other thread about how it is not uncommon for working mothers not to miss their children when at work: here

Going back ft has the advantage of making your job more interesting and challenging. You also feel better engaged as an employee and more valued as a team member. I can say that having worked both pt and ft. Don't beat yourself up. You will be laughing in a few years time when you have been promoted whilst your pt mates might be stagnating.

scottishmummy Thu 02-Jan-14 14:17:01

Ok,so re-read my post the list. As I asked what parts of are myths?
There a plethora of good evidence to support assertions I've made
In social and economic text. Have you read any such texts?

Bonsoir Thu 02-Jan-14 14:21:26

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

scottishmummy Thu 02-Jan-14 14:25:57

You're being rude to avoid addressing the facts I listed,facts you dispute as myth
So I know you're being avoidant,I can see that in your attempting to introduce personal dynamic
So please do unpick the myths

Housewifery was a preserve of rich,dependent in male wagefact
Upon marriage a prosperous woman surrendered her property and monies to her husbandfact
No universal social provision so those women who didn't work were destitute or poor housefact
Children worked as sweeps in service and in factoriesfact
Women worked in factories,agriculture,significant contribution to industrial revolutionfact
Women made significant contribution in what had been considered male jobs in both WW fact
Housewifery is apost war affectation,not representative of women's employment or contributionfact

blueshoes Thu 02-Jan-14 14:26:47

Bonsoir, I am sure you can rebut a point logically without resorting to personally insulting scottish. Insults are the preserve of someone who does not have a leg to stand on intellectually.

I am interested and waiting to read a logical rebuttal, as opposed to unsubstantiated sweeping assertions, on your part.

KongKickeroo Thu 02-Jan-14 14:59:48

I'm going back soon, DS will be 11 months. I will be part time (3 days a week) but also have to do some evenings and weekends, so can I join? Please? smile

He is also breastfed and my biggest worry is that he doesn't eat that well. He has just started settling in sessions at the nursery though and they are so brilliant there, it's really put my mind at rest that he will be well looked after. He seemed to love the stimulation and seeing other children; he gets bored very quickly at home with me grin

I am lucky in the sense that every single other mother/parent I know works outside the home (other than those on maternity leave) - in my own family, among my friends, etc. Some part time, some full time, but it's just seen as the norm and everyone just gets on with it. I have no one to make me feel guilty, so I don't!

Tweet2tweet Thu 02-Jan-14 15:19:35

Bonsoir, may I suggest you continue your discussion via PM. You have insulted me on a previous thread and now you're insulting another MNer. This is a thread for support and empathy so it would be good to be able to maintain this theme.

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