Full Time Work = Bad Mummy????

(22 Posts)
IceNoSlice Mon 05-Aug-13 21:39:13

Well done for trying Hitchy. Personally I think any interview, even those that don't go massively well, can be really positive in other ways. To make you think about what you want, what you've got and how you get to the next level. And for practise, so the next interview (for the perfect role, or perhaps to state your case at your current employer) can go better! Ask for feedback from the interviewer, whatever the outcome.

TBH, I'd want more security than 9 months with a young DC so I'd probably turn it down anyway!

Hitchy83 Mon 05-Aug-13 16:46:26

Well I had the interview, totally flunked it I think! My
Mind went blank! Not had an interview for around 6 years so felt so new! In the interview they mentioned it was a fixed term contract for 9 months, something I hadn't realised so I'm feeling even more unsure about the role anyway. Think it's given me a boost though to go and see my current employer and sit down properly to look at my current role to see if it can't be adapted to allow for my development rather then being lumbered with admin all the time! Some questions in the interview i just couldnt answer because of lack of exp, but should of been stuff i should of had exp in my current role. Things have a funny way of working themselves!

LadyLech Sat 03-Aug-13 15:09:20

Chandras, then I guess you made the wrong decision grin.

I chose not to give up work, because I knew I would regret that and it is hard getting part time roles in teaching. But equally, I have the kind of job where it is easy for me to pick up my career afterwards. So for me, I had nothing to regret by going part time, only by working full time.

If however, you're not in the type of job where it is easy to do that, and you think you'll regret losing out on the career, then that's the decision to take.

Best to live the life that leads to the fewest regrets imho.

Hitchy83 Sat 03-Aug-13 14:24:26

Thanks all, I'm beginning to get my head round things, I'm thinking it'll be win win either way, if I get the job that's great for my career and providing for my family, if i don't ill go back to my old job, make the most of my time off with my baby and refocus on my career in a couple of years time. I won't mention part time / flexible hours unless I'm offered the job in case it puts them off! If I do work full time I guess it will make the weekends even more precious and make the most of the time with him.
Great to hear from all your own experiences, been very helpful to gain some perspective :-)

Chandras Sat 03-Aug-13 13:11:46

Life not lofe.

Chandras Sat 03-Aug-13 13:11:29

Ladyleach, the only decission I will regret in my lofe will be to put my career to the side to take care of the family.

There was no "career" left by the time I wanted and needed to re take it.

Chandras Sat 03-Aug-13 13:05:54

Go for the job with more prospects, your child will need you more when he is older than what he needs you as a toddler or young child. If you had a good progression by then you can go part time with a good salary.

The problem with working part time is that as you say, you get all the less important jobs, there is no career progression and after some years doing that, there are not many people who would like to give you more responsibility even if you know you are perfectly capable to take it. I have been trapped in this hole for years.

I loved to have 1 or 2 days free but to be honest, it is too much profesional sacrifice for the sake of two more days free a week before they start school. My son doesn't even remember that time at all now.

sybilwibble Sat 03-Aug-13 12:39:32

Apply for the job. I'm in a situation where my fairly new job role is full time but, now, after a year in the role I work a four day week and they are very flexible now they trust me to get the job done. On top of my one day a week off, if I need to work from home occasionally or go in late because of a school event, it's ok. It's all about building trust. My employer's view was, "I want the right person for four days, rather than the wrong person for five days." I am flexible with them in return though. We are all happy, but you won't know until you try.
Good luck.

Llareggub Sat 03-Aug-13 12:34:58

Yes, you are right MrsS. I should have made myself a clearer on that. If you get the vibe that they might be then this will give you a prompt when it comes to negotiation after the job offer stage.

MrsSchadenfreude Sat 03-Aug-13 12:30:26

Go for it. But I wouldn't mention possibility of part time/flexible hours until after you are offered the job. I think it's a big no-no to raise this at interview.

Llareggub Sat 03-Aug-13 12:27:23

I've worked all combinations of hours and when I worked full-time I negotiated compressed hours so worked a nine day fortnight. Who knows, this might be an option for you?

I've ended up with incredibly supportive employers who understand that as a lone parent school hols are a real struggle for me. They are happy for me to work whenever during the holidays in order to get the work done AND look after my DCs.

However to get to this very fortunate position I've had to maintain a career at times when it has been very difficult to do so. Having an excellent CV makes you marketable, and if you prove your worth to employers with the right mindset it is possible to get a very flexible working pattern. It helps to be flexible the other way too. I answer calls during annual leave, which is my choice and not for everyone.

Don't feel guilty. Whatever you do will be the right choice for you and your family. Incidentally, all of my NCT buddies worked pretty much full-time.

Go for it. At interview if you think they might be open to flexibility, see if you can negotiate a decent flexible working arrangement. It really helps when my kids are ill to know that I can take the time off and make up my hours at night or later.

Cravingdairy Sat 03-Aug-13 12:14:25

LadyLech Nice guilt trip.

OP I work FT and we are all managing just fine. In this climate you can't expect great opportunities to come along every five minutes. If you have good childcare your son will get a lot out of it. Nothing is forever and you could potentially start FT and go PT later. It is absolutely fine to consider your own needs as well as your child's.

LadyLech Sat 03-Aug-13 12:06:04

Could part time at the new job be a possibility? Might be worth asking at the interview?

Personally, I went part time for a few years whilst my DC were little, but have upped my hours and taken on more responsibility as they have got older. You'll have a long time after they have started school to focus on your career. I guess the question is what you think you'd regret in 10 years? Missed time with your child? Or missed career opportunities?

IceNoSlice Fri 02-Aug-13 18:00:52

Good luck smile

Hitchy83 Fri 02-Aug-13 16:13:07

thanks, lovely hearing these reassuring messages, just what i needed to get me out of this guilt trip i'm sending myself on right now!

Interviews Monday so will let you know!

MadameGazelleIsMyMum Fri 02-Aug-13 16:11:18

Doesnt make you a bad mum, you do have to do what works for you, whatever that is. I'd go to the interview and make a decision if you are offered the job.

FWIW, I work FT but with adjusted hours (start and finish early). I am very happy with my childcare arrangements and the reasons why I work FT - financial necessity but for my career too. I enjoy work a lot, my DC are happy, and I have no guilt about this. It can work.

iloveweetos Fri 02-Aug-13 15:59:48

Go for the interview - what have you got to lose?? Good luck!!!
In regards to full time, its personal and varies for every mother, but definitely will not make you a bad mummy. And your child will never think so. Esp when they're older and understand everything.

Keep us updated on the interview!

Hitchy83 Fri 02-Aug-13 15:56:56

blush even!!

Hitchy83 Fri 02-Aug-13 15:55:58

thanks for the advice and my apologies if title caused offence. Its definitely a question i'm asking myself in this situation rather than a statement and have no feelings that full time Mums are bad mums. [Blush]

IceNoSlice Fri 02-Aug-13 15:49:59

Firstly, full time does not = bad mummy. I think I know what you meant, ie you are having an internal debate with yourself, but this thread title might irritate some folks who work FT and disagree strongly with the notion that this makes them bad parents.

Ok, that over with. Personally I would go for interview and do your best to get the job. And accept that you have made a choice, for career progression, an interesting career and fulfilment over part time working at this stage in your life.

I personally think that my DS will need me just as much (maybe more) when he is school age as now (nursery age). So, in your shoes, I would go for it and work hard for a couple of years with the idea that you might submit a flexible working request in a year or two.

Banderchang Fri 02-Aug-13 15:46:54

It's hard trying to decide before you've gone back, isn't it? Although it sounds like you might be getting the shitty jobs, is there scope for you to prove yourself and carve out career progression in your current PT role? Or might another more local role come along again later?

I work a 3 day week and have done since my son was 13 months (he's now 4 and a bit). I love having 2 days a week with him and, now that he's about to start school, I have no regrets that I've missed out on his babyhood. My career hasn't progressed as fast as if I'd been FT, but I was lucky to have been promoted just before I went on maternity leave, so I was ready for a bit of a career plateau! I do feel I'm respected at work despite being PT, though it's an uphill struggle sometimes.

If I were you, I think I'd stick with the PT and try to carve out a good role for yourself by being excellent in your 3 days a week. But it's hard to know - and a very personal decision. Good luck!

Hitchy83 Fri 02-Aug-13 15:40:32

I'm due to return to work in October to my current employer who have unexpectedly been accommodating in my part time request so I will be working Wednesday to Friday. However the other week i happened to be looking on a jobs site and saw my perfect career progression role advertised, closer to home (within 2 miles compared with 15), more responsibility, specific area of expertise i want to specialise in, considerable amount more money BUT full time hours. Spur of the moment I decided to apply thinking I probably wouldn't be selected for interview but I have and now i'm torn between what i should do!

In my current job although accommodating in my hours, my manager when describing the new structure of the team labelled my role as looking after the admin which made me think i'm going to get all the shitty jobs no-one else wants to do and therefore no career progression. Ive been there over 6 years and know i have nowhere to go within the team as both managers are there till they retire....another 10-15 years!

Part of me thinks, so what, at least i'll have less responsibility, i can turn up do the job for 3 days and then come home and spend the time with my gorgeous little baby boy. But on the other hand i think i should better myself for the benefit of my baby boy so that we are not struggling financially (part time hours in my current job would pay for my share of bills but not much else!). Having not been back at work i don't know how my work/life balance will feel part time / full time and dont know if i'll be able to cope with full time hours (baby will need to go to nursery 4 days a week).

Feel like a terrible Mum for even thinking about putting my career before my baby! I've not even been for the interview so nothing may come of it, but when i go for the interview i want to be 100% sure this is what i want and make the effort accordingly. Talking it over with my husband and he's supportive either way, he works shifts so will have a bit more flexible time with baby, but still i'm not sure i could cope with only seeing my little man a couple of hours a day.

What should I do?? Anyone with similar experience? Mum Vs Career?!?

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