Anyone returning ft and husband SAHD

(10 Posts)
marytheresa Wed 24-Apr-13 09:38:12

Hiya

I'm back at work and left hubby with our 9 month old baby and he has to pick up our 3.5 ds from school nursery at 11.45am then our 7 year old in afternoon. He has to do this for 3 days a week. He leaves the baby at his mum's while he picks up DS. The problem is that he is a bit of an insomniac and came to bed this morning at 05.45. The two eldest were up when I left at 07.10am. The baby had slept all night. Yesterday when I got home at 6pm I found biscuit crumbs in the babies cot. He had left the baby in the cot with a bowl of biscuits while he did whatever (sleep probably). What if the baby had choked? I am at work now and feel worried. If I make a big issue out of it, he'll probably get angry. I know it is tough to look after kids. I told him last night to get sleep and sleep while baby sleeps during night but he didn't. I don't know what to do. He has the potential to earn 3x much as me, but wants to stay at home.He has always been like this. Married 9 years in September.

CharleenKay Fri 19-Apr-13 00:12:46

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

feepee Sat 06-Apr-13 21:28:30

We did this. We only have one child, who is now nearly four.

I took the first year off, then when my maternity leave finished I got a new job (full time). We had moved area and the priority was to get me working again as I have the biggest earning potential.

My husband then took 18 months off with our daughter. It worked really well for us as he got to spend lots of time bonding with her, and I was able to enjoy my time with her when I wasn't working. Admittedly she was in nursery for two days a week during that time though (husband said he would probably go bonkers doing it full time - as would I have!!!). My only comment would be that he did find it hard at times with everything during the day during the week being quite mum-centric - SAHD were/are a bit thin on the ground where we are. But, the more people who do it the more common it will be!

Now we both work four days a week a and our daughter spends three days in nursery, it works brilliantly, we share everything equally. I don't really understand why more families don't do this - it gives us such a well balanced life and our little girl gets equal time with both of us.

1stMrsFrugal Tue 02-Apr-13 18:14:36

I have just gone out to work after 4 years at home with DTDs. DH has been out of work for last 8m (and has been unemployed for 2 other periods of 6m and 9m since the DDs were born) and our savings could not stretch any further so I started looking for full time jobs and got one! DH is now full time SAHD and we plan to run this arrangement until DDs start school in September and then he can start looking for work again and we'll see how we feel again at that point. I earn half as much now as he did when working f/t but we have had a lot of practise at making ends meet in the last few years and it's changed our priorities. I didn't want to go back to work full time yet ideally, but there is still a SAHP with them and many DCs don't get as much of a chance to spend time with their Daddies so there are advantages. It's been hard to get used to swapping roles, but he is brilliant with them (more patient than me!)

MadamGazelleIsMyMum Sun 24-Mar-13 21:01:06

We do this. I am on second ML, returning to FT work in 7 weeks. DH works, but around my hours, so does the bulk of the childcare. It works very well for us. It is hard to start off with but DC have a brilliant and close relationship with DH, to the point where he is DD's favourite parent by a country mile. It is hard work for DH and I don't think he always enjoys the financial dependence that goes hand in hand with this. But he loves time with his children. I am expecting the first few weeks after my return to work to be a bit stressful as I have been off for 6 months and so am always around, and DH has to get used to looking after 2. But he'll be fine once he is feeling confident. We live by the mantra "everybody fed, nobody dead" and I have to work hard at not minding when things are not done precisely the way I would have done.

I do get varying responses to this- women seem to pity me for working full time. Men seem to admire it. I popped into work a week ago and a senior manager asked when i was back and whether i would be FT. when i said yes, he said "good girl" shock

One time I stayed late to finish a deal for a client. There were 7 men and me. 6 of the men had small children too. My client asked me whether I was supposed to be at home putting the baby to bed. No one else was asked about that. I managed to smile and say no, I couldn't do that because I was finishing this piece of work!

PinkPerks Sun 24-Mar-13 20:48:36

I am glad this subject has been raised as this is something we are also considering. My OH works in a factory via agency so work is not gauranteed. I am not in a high paying role but it is perminant and is fairly secure (work in a fairly limited market and we are market leaders).

I guess because in society, it is deemed that the "woman" must stay at home to raise the children. My OH has lots of experience with children (lots of nieces and nephews) so we have discussed at this might be a better option for us.

OP as other posters have said, you need to do what's right for your family. What is right for one person is not right for another. At the end of the day as long as your happy, thats what matters x

Ufortunately part time is not an option in my workplace, so I would have to return ft, however I only work 10 mins down the road and really boring 9-5 so can work around it. My employers will also consider shifting my hours about.

Pinky xx

Queenofknickers Fri 22-Mar-13 12:49:39

Yes, I have been FT and DH SAHD to our DSs (7 and 9 yo) for the past year. Before that we tried every different combination there is! Fact is 1) he is MUCH better at parenting the boys than me (last thing I want to do is practice rugby in the cold) and 2) he is much better at housekeeping than me and 3) I earn more plus do a senior management job which they just would never allow me to do full time. Also (prepares for flaming) I was bored at home and depressed. My DS had to put up with lots of snarky/sarcky remarks from other men but he replied with "you're just jealous" and lots admitted they were! He still isn't talked to by the school gate mummy's though but he doesn't really care. I also get surprise occasionally at work by people that I have children and work full time ie "but where are your kids?" I either answer "oh god I don't know!!" Or ask where their kids are (answer "at home with my wife" to which I just say back "at home with my husband") depending on how annoying/stone age the enquirer is!

I DO wish I saw more of my children (I'm gone 12 hours a day) but many of my male colleagues with children feel the same.

Do what is right for your family x

Ps only reason I'm not at work now as recovering from operation!

tribpot Fri 22-Mar-13 12:34:05

Yes - have been doing it for the last 6 years. Slightly odd version of it though, as DH is too ill to work, and thus also too ill to do all of the SAH type stuff. Like most parents we thus muddle along with some combination of responsibilities and hope for the best!

lljkk Fri 22-Mar-13 12:28:35

We are contemplating this, although DH would parttime WAHD, probably.

Bluberry Thu 21-Mar-13 11:37:08

I earn more than my husband. We've decided that he will stay at home as we have no child care and can't afford nursery. He's happy to be a SAHD and will do a fantastic job of this.

I'd love to do 4 days but don't think my employer will allow it as I have a management position.

Anyone else gone back to work and husband/partner looking after the children?

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