Romance at work

[outofpractice]

In theory one should never mix up work and romance, but in reality most people meet their partner at work and huge nos of flings go on. Where I work no one is bothered about liaisons between colleagues who are peers, and various men where I work have married former clients. It is quite easy for me to approach my peers because I just ask them in a friendly colleague way (nothing ever happens and I ask myself whether they refuse because they have just not got the hint because I was too indirect, they are working all the time, they don't like me even as a friend, or they don't fancy me). But I think their attitude might be different if I as a woman started seeing clients. There is one client whom I quite like but whom I would never want to lose as a client because he is so good at his job and sends me great work. So, I am just being friendly to him and last time we spoke, happy new year, how were the holidays chat, I said we must have lunch some time, and he agreed in a friendly way, however, this does not mean anything beyond work. But there is another client who, frankly, sends me not very good work and I would not mind losing him as a client, although he works with my friend. Both of them call me often and are friendly and praise my work, but I genuinely do not know if this is appreciation exclusively for my brain, and nothing more. What is the discreet way to proceed with these two possibilities?

[Tinker]

Um, do you mean you fancy both of them but one you wouldn't want to lose as a client?

[Marina]

Only you can decide whom you prefer of these two potential beaus, but all other things being equal I'd start with the one who won't dent your income if things don't work out.
I am a dating dunce but surely lunch would be a good place to start with either...can't lunch be a springboard for a relationship as well as a business meeting? There must be some suitably dimly-lit, "romantic" venues near you as well as the strip-lit, echoey nightmares that have proliferated in London lately...
Just because one or two idiots haven't got the hint or don't know a good thing when they see it, don't be deterred. I have a sneaking feeling you may have been too indirect with these other chaps. Go for it, girl!

[salt]

I'd 'lunch' them both - working lunches are a great place to start talking about interests outside of work. Let us know what you decide

[outofpractice]

I am so outofpractice that I am really struggling to get going again. It is fair to comment that no one ever asks me out (except married men whom I always reject) unless I actually kiss them because they are all scared of me (although this has not prevented nice relationships from arising in the past), but this I am lacking confidence these days to do. I have been assiduously following the advice of a NY book for professional woman having dating problems and one of its theories is that at this age you cannot afford to waste time by getting stuck in consecutive exclusive relationships with unsuitable men, therefore you should date lots of men at once (obviously without giving false promises of exclusivity and not leaping into bed with them all asap). You are supposed to ensure that no one man is your "main event" until you are really sure of his character, personality, and lifestyle. So, I have now established friendly relations with 8 single men who may be potentially interesting, but I only know one of them really well (unsuitable old flame, but not seen him for a few years so ought to find out if he has changed at all). Bluntly, I haven't got the time, confidence and money to set up lunch dates in fancy restaurants and babysitting cover for 8 different men. I am just considering having a huge party at my flat and ask all and sundry, say 30 people. Do you think this is foolish because ds and various children who are his friends (ie children of my friends) would be around? But, if someone can't stand the type of friends and parties I have, why would I want to see him anyway? I think a party for lots of friends would be fun in itself. One client I could not ask to my own home, but the one who works with my friend, I could ask, but would it look strange?