clingy toddlers

[Mattsmum]

Does anyone have any advice on how I can deal with my 2 and a half year old son who is adamant that wherever mum goes, he also goes? He creates such a fuss when left with his father, even if I am only going to the shops for a short while. I always tell him I'll be back soon and I have never not returned to him. He also follows me to the bathroom and upstairs every single time I need to go up. He is a contented child when we are togrther but his constant demands on my time are beginning to wear me down. I am also hoping to find a part time evening job soon but this will mean leaving him with his father and I think it could all be more hassle than it is worth in the end. I'd appreciate any advice I can get!

[malc]

last week i started my two year old son, who is extremly clingy at a day nursery, for half a day a week.thinking this would some how encouage him to gain a bit of indepence, sure enough it did the opposite thing and made him ten times worst he as not let me go any where this week without him,and even stayed by my side at the play groups we attend not daring to adventure to the other side of the room on his own. im really dreading next week. as anyone got any good advice. Do i contiue taking him to the nusery, i know he only started last week but i cant bare the thought of him been unhappy and upset.I would be grateful for any suggestions.

[Frenchgirl]

malc, my dd started nursery last september, when she was 3. Being a very clingy child, I was very concerned about her. I put her there 4 mornings a week straight away, then moved on to 4 full days (9am till 3.15pm). She did cry for the first few days when I left her, and was still being clingy, but I knew that she was happy there and very slowly starting to make friends. I was also always talking with her teacher and asking how she was getting on, which helped a lot.
I think your ds will be fine and get used to nursery. Do you know if he plays well once you've gone? Also, do you think maybe if he went more than once a week it would be easier for him to get used to it as it wouldn't be such a long time between each nursery session? ie he would see the other kids more often, and also understand quicker that yes, you will come back for him. please don't worry too much about this, he absolutely is going to be fine, just talk to the teacher and see what he does once he's there. He needs to become more familiar with the new environment and that takes time. Once he's used to it, and the new routine that implies, he will start to relax and get less clingy I would think.
Hope that helps, let us know how he gets on next time.

[malc]

thanks for your advice frenchgirl it made it a little easy knowing your d soon settled in. my week as been hell,my son has been even more clingy than he ever as been, it was making me think is it worth making him more unhappy than he already is, secondly iv been getting alot of pressure from grandparents telling me i was a cruel mother for letting him get so upset. so my head as been mingled this week.anyway i did take him yesterday and he cried and cried and cried, i stayed with him for 5 mins than left him crying his eyes out, phoned 10 mins later he was still crying, i felt absoutly devesated, maybe iam a cruel mother.he did eventually settle down,and then as soon as i went to picked him up, he cried and i felt shattered again, may be he is trying to tell me something.but iam determined not cruel and if he is genrally misrable than i wont continue,untill he gets a little older. im seeing if i can get in him for another day to see if that would help settle him in faster. thanks for the your resurrings words.

[malc]

thanks for your advice frenchgirl it made it a little easy knowing your d soon settled in. my week as been hell,my son has been even more clingy than he ever as been, it was making me think is it worth making him more unhappy than he already is, secondly iv been getting alot of pressure from grandparents telling me i was a cruel mother for letting him get so upset. so my head as been mingled this week.anyway i did take him yesterday and he cried and cried and cried, i stayed with him for 5 mins than left him crying his eyes out, phoned 10 mins later he was still crying, i felt absoutly devesated, maybe iam a cruel mother.he did eventually settle down,and then as soon as i went to picked him up, he cried and i felt shattered again, may be he is trying to tell me something.but iam determined not cruel and if he is genrally misrable than i wont continue,untill he gets a little older. im seeing if i can get in him for another day to see if that would help settle him in faster. thanks for the your resurrings words.

[Frenchgirl]

Hi malc, have only just seen your post today. Good luck next week, let me know how you get on.

[Eowyn]

Thought I'd let you know about my dd as sounds v similar. Took her to playgroup in Jan & she became so upset & clingy all the time that after a couple of weeks I decided to stay there with her, hoping she would feel at home there & get over her fear, as it was messing everything else up.
Well, I was still going in March & she wasn't as bad at home but after Easter was told it was about time I left her. It has been a few weeks now & at first she cried on & off the whole time (one morning a week) but yesterday they told me she played with the other children & didn't cry for the first time, so I feel a bit more justified. Still have tears all morning till I leave her, & she asks if she's going every day with fear & trepidation. Yet every time I have picked her up & asked if she enjoyed herself she says yes.
Don't suppose this is much help, but just to say I understand how horrible it is doing this, but I guess it is something that has to be conquered at some stage, mine is the clingiest child i have yet encountered so it's nice to know she's not the only one.