ok-mumsnet view-should I go back or not?

[MissChief]

Sorry this is rather long and not exactly original in that I'm currently on mat leave with 6mth old baby (also ds1 about to go to school),and I've no idea what to do work-wise !
I'm due back in May, wondering if it's worth the hassle as:
1)dh works long hrs, sometimes away (though fortunately as main breadwinner is well-paid)
2)not certain what childcare to use - no close family anywhere near, can't afford nanny on my income alone, not overly keen on baby in nursery
However, I re-trained a few yrs ago (at substantial cost in terms of time & money) into management and still feeling not got much of a track record in what I do (2 yrs or so). I fear therefore that if I took a few yrs out I would not return to anywhere nr my current level of senior mgmt (but starting to wonder how much this wd bother me overall in terms of worklife balance..) My job is only 2 1/2 - 3 days a week so could be manageable and would help towards our sizeable mortgage.. I'm also interested in doing some p/t (non-vocational) study, purely out of interest but this would require a few hrs of childcare 1 day a week so if working this would be easily affordable but wd be further time away from my children.
If you've stuck with me this far, any thoughts/lessons learnt from yr own experience of going back or not??

[beejay]

I'd find a nice childminder and go back to work. You can always review the situation in 3-6 months. Personally I think that having a part-time job that you like gives you the best of both worlds.
Personally i would hold off the part time study for a while so that you don't overload yourself.

[edam]

Agree with beejay, if you like your part-time job and want to build up more experience, I'd find a childminder and go back.

[Spidermama]

I, on the other hand, would stay at home if your dh has a decent salary. I found working and mothering to be very stressful.

I will work again when the kids are all at school. I won't slot right back in where I left off, but then I'm a different person now with different skills to bring to the workforce.

I'm a great believer in making space in life for other things to come in.

[mazzystar]

I'd go back. Its easier to stop if its not working than to find a new job.

[Spidermama]

I should say I find it rewarding being at home for the kids. I know it's a cliche, but they grow up so fast.

I can't believe I'm actually about to post that last bit but here goes ...

[FrayedKnot]

I agree with Mazzystar.

I am struggling to get back into my old career after taking 2 years out (not really by choice).

Take some time to investigate the possible childcare options. Visit as many nurseries / childminders as possible.

[MissChief]

thanks all - food for thought, I think I need time to mull it all over, keep changing my mind at the moment

[MissChief]

FK - just noticed what a great name you have!

[ThePrisoner]

Parents I childmind for who have returned part-time say that it has been a lifesaver. They feel "part of the human race" and that they are more than "just a mummy", but don't do as much of a guilt trip that full-time working mums sometimes do (but shouldn't!)

[Aloha]

what are the pros and cons for you of going back/leaving work?

[MissChief]

pros I guess:

1. more money available to contribute towards hefty mortgage
   2)keeping foot in door career wise and won't slip down career ladder
   
2. got a good job already which I probably would be happy to stay in
   
3. usual one of being way to use my head/have separate identity - ie for me, to keep sane!
   
   cons:
   
4. love my new babe to bits and wonder about being parted from him!
   
5. no family close by to help out, just dh & me to keep the little family unit going and he works v long hrs at times
   
6. not overly impressed with local childcare provision (couldn't afford nanny solely on my income), also might not get places I need which cater both for 5yr old and baby
   
7. difficulty of being there enough for ds1 (just starting school) and baby too
   5)have found out about loads of things to do with ds2
   
8. dh doesn't want me to go back and his income theoretically is high enough to enable me to remain at home (though huge mortgage makes me question whether this is advisable)
   I realise cons list larger but still not convinced should stay at home yet!

[JoolsToo]

if it's possible I'd stay at home but I'm not a career type.

One thing to be aware of is you don't know how you'll feel once you go back. DD was determined she was returning to work after dgs was born - and did, but not for long! She is fortunate that she can now work for her old company at home in a freelance capacity though.

[blueshoes]

Misschief, you are in senior management in a job you like, with part time hours?? Hang on to it for dear life!!

I work part time. Love the balance. Wouldn't recommend you take on that pt study though. Time with little ones is precious enough .

[harpsichordcarrier]

it seems to me that your list of pros are WAY outweighed by the cons
i agree with Spidermama
in your situation i would stay at home for a whole and see how you like it
nothings set in stone

[hunkermunker]

I'd say that you should investigate fully the local childcare provision before you make any decisions - that way, you'll be making an informed decision about what's available.

If you decide there's nothing suitable, or that you don't want to go back after all, that's fine - just looking at nurseries/childminders doesn't mean you have to use them, or even have to use them immediately.

[JoolsToo]

well the nomination preview was a complete let down.

Chantelle looks like she's nominated Faria and George (not sure about George)

in fact its a complete guess

[hunkermunker]

JT...er...wrong thread?

[JoolsToo]

pmsl!! wrong sodding thread

[VeniVidiVickiQV]

PMSL laughing at JT!

[MissChief]

not sure about george either and i don't live in hackney...

[SqueakyCat]

I'd agree with blushoes if you (a) like your job, and (b) anticipate continuing working and (c) you can reasonably rely on finishing on time each day. It's often hard to get a p/t job you like after being a SAHM.

I'd also have a lok at the costs of employing a nanny - I've found it much cheaper than I'd thought, even a bit less than 2 sets of nursery fees (but both mine under school age). A nanny-share / nanny with own kid could be a good solution. Alternatively, look at local CMs - more homely than a nursery and may also care for your elder before / after school too.

[tonton]

I wish I had a chance of a great pt job! I work ft which is fine, but pt sounds lovely! Have ot get myself one of these bread-winning dh's first....!! (I do have a dh but he just about manages the electric bill let alone the mortgage!)

[fridayschild]

why don't you go back and then resign if it's all too much? easier that way round than to give up p t job you like but end up looking for another one later

any I take it you have completed maxxed out on all your maternity leave?

[hannahsaunt]

What happens to your mat benefits if you don't go back (e.g. we have to back for min 6mo after mat leave to retain all that was paid out - full salary for 21 weeks etc).

Have worked 4 day week, 3 day week and stayed at home. 3 day work is blissful - enough of a balance to stay sane. Dh also thinks working pt is much better for my mental health than staying at home is proving to be. Life is just better all round - harder work but not as dull or menial. Working pt made me much more efficient at home with the domestic stuff and I think I spent much more quality time with the boys if a little less on the quantity side. Try it and see - much easier to try working and then stopping than not going back and trying to get back in.

[hannahsaunt]

PS dh also works long hours and weekends so staying at home is a long haul hence the need to work.