2 1/2 year old, exceptionally bright. Not showing this at nursery.

(120 Posts)
wedontplaywithelectrics Thu 23-Jan-14 10:19:40

That's it really. He's a very sociable, confident boy who never stops talking at home. Apparently he hardly speaks at nursery. Is this an indicator of how things will be in years to come? I feel he's slipping into the sidelines/afraid to be his true self.
It's almost as if he's "dumbing down" to fit in with his peers. (there. I said it)
I just want him to be his true self which is witty, extrovert, creative and full of life.
He seems happy to go to nursery.
Any tips on why there seems to be such disparity here?

NoSquirrels Thu 23-Jan-14 10:24:34

I don't know anything about G&T, really, but just wanted to say that my DC1 was (is!) very articulate, bright, creative, sociable etc. - a real extrovert, in fact. But when first at nursery at 2.9 spent a lot of time playing alone, not talking a whole lot etc. Happy enough, sure, but not the person we saw at home. But to be honest I think this is to be expected, and is just an age thing.

How long has your DS been at nursery for? And is it a largeish setting or a smaller one? Is he happy himself - does he tell you he had a good time?

blueberryupsidedown Thu 23-Jan-14 10:30:13

Where to start.... First of all, lots of speech in a 2.5 year old is just that, lots of speech. Many, many children who don't speak much, or indeed don't speak at all, are very bright.

At home, he probably gets all your attention, and (forgive me) admiration. At nursery, he is one of many, and could probably have some issues with social skills. He won't get encouragement with every word he says, or everything he does.

I am sure you know, there are more than one form of intelligence, as we see it in adults (think super clever computer programmer) who are super bright but have problems with social skills, have few friends, feel uncomfortable in social situations. Children experience similar situations/feelings, even at a young age. This is why most nurseries focus on learning through play, focus on social skills, making friends, playing together, etc.

By the way, my son didn't say a word before he was three years old and now at 6, he is on the G&T list for maths and the school is considering also putting him on the G&T list for reading/spelling. He is in year 2 and goes to year 5 for maths and can easily keep up with the children there.

CharlesRyder Thu 23-Jan-14 10:30:28

At 2.5 he doesn't have enough theory of mind to assess his peers ability and adapt his behaviour to follow suit.

Sounds to me like he is shy. My DS only spoke freely to me and DH for ages. He is over that now at 3.5 but still only we see the 'real' him at his most relaxed and confident. It is completely normal.

JassyRadlett Thu 23-Jan-14 10:31:58

How old are the other children on his room at nursery? How long has he been going?

MightBeMad Thu 23-Jan-14 10:37:40

Sounds totally normal to me! Most of the other children at nursery are probably also much more confident and articulate at home too.

SolomanDaisy Thu 23-Jan-14 10:40:57

He sounds like he's shy, like lots of children his age. Is there anything specific that makes you think there's more to it than that?

wedontplaywithelectrics Thu 23-Jan-14 10:51:18

Thanks for your replies. Perhaps he is at heart, a bit of a self conscious little chap.
He certainly has no impairments from the asd triad and has never given me any indication of aspie traits so I have no concerns there

wedontplaywithelectrics Thu 23-Jan-14 10:57:14

Maybe I'm worrying about nothing. I just wondered if this is typical for kids with high learning potential? He has been assessed as being 99th percentile pretty much across the board

MirandaWest Thu 23-Jan-14 11:03:25

I'd say he is probably getting used to a new environment.

When you say he has been assessed as being 99th percentile what exactly do you mean?

NoSquirrels Thu 23-Jan-14 11:08:14

Why did you get him assessed?

wedontplaywithelectrics Thu 23-Jan-14 11:10:03

To see where his strengths and difficulties are. He was invited to take part in a research study....

Wolfiefan Thu 23-Jan-14 11:11:30

And how on earth do you accurately assess a 2 1/2 year old?

procrastinatingagain Thu 23-Jan-14 11:13:25

Haha! Good one OP! grin

wedontplaywithelectrics Thu 23-Jan-14 11:15:07

With norm-referenced tests... it can give an indicative score.
But, I think we're getting away from the original question here.
This is a forum entitled "Gifted and talented", right? Or not?

Slebmum Thu 23-Jan-14 11:15:26

I don't think you can know if a 2.5yo is 'exceptionally bright'. Not having a go, just wondering what makes you think that as talking lots wouldn't necessarily indicate brightness?

Notaddictedtosugar Thu 23-Jan-14 11:16:04

He sounds like a normal little boy. I'd stop worrying and let him be. As far as I am aware all 2 year olds have high learning potential don't they?

NoSquirrels Thu 23-Jan-14 11:17:27

Yes, it is titled Gifted & Talented. I think, though, that at 2.5, no matter where you scored on an assessment, you will still find transitions to new environments hard, and so that's why you see a difference in his behaviour. I wouldn't worry about it, really, whether he turns out to be G&T or not.

PatriciaHolm Thu 23-Jan-14 11:18:24

An awful lot of children, bright or not, display very different behaviours at nursery/school to those demonstrated at home. It's normal, and way too early to make an assessment that he is "dumbing down". He's entirely comfortable with you, but isn't in the same emotional place in nursery so it's understandable that he behaves differently. Let him find his feet, especially as he is happy to go.

picklesrule Thu 23-Jan-14 11:19:04

He is 2.5!! Are you for real? My 22 month old talks constantly, full sentences etc..some children just do.. I can't understand why you would seek to label him anything at this stage? Or do you just want other people to also recognise his brilliance confused

IHaveSeenMyHat Thu 23-Jan-14 11:21:26

Doesn't sound like anything to worry about. He's chatty and confident at home, but less so in an environment in which he feels less comfortable. Yes, a bit shy.

I would expect that in any child, G&T or not.

I wouldn't start panicking about whether nursery is stunting his exceptional intellect. He's a toddler. You have plenty of time to worry about his intellectual growth later.

Morgause Thu 23-Jan-14 11:24:36

DS1 and DS2 were both bright toddlers and are now adults working in academic careers.

DS1 settled into nursery with enthusiasm and galloped along but DS2 was withdrawn at first and not so confident. He sorted himself out by the time he started school, though.

wedontplaywithelectrics Thu 23-Jan-14 11:24:38

Haha, this subject has really generated some emotive responses.
I should not have to justify myself but for what it's worth I have never sat down with my child and attempted to "teach" him anything. Absolutely zilch....
He has brought the attention on himself. From professionals.
Please hear the full story before you jump to conclusions and judge.
Thank you Patricia for a reply that actual helps me rather than pointing fingers...

MirandaWest Thu 23-Jan-14 11:25:16

Why did you have the assessment done in the first place?

I would really try not to worry - give him a bit of time to feel more comfortable at nursery. I really doubt he is dumbing down to peer pressure.

wedontplaywithelectrics Thu 23-Jan-14 11:26:24

And other replies, thank you for sharing your experiences.

thejoysofboys Thu 23-Jan-14 11:26:40

My eldest has been described by his pre-school as "a very bright boy" However, he has confidence issues and it took him a LONG time to feel more comfortable at pre school - he started at 3.1yrs & didn't really speak there or interact with the others at first (although he was happy to go). Even now (he's 4.2), although his confidence has improved MASSIVELY and he does play with the others, he's usually on the periphery or playing in a smaller, quiet group.
The new environment is a lot for little ones to take in - he's processing new names and faces, new rules, new sights/sounds/smells, etc. As long as he's happy to go and enjoying it there don't worry about it.

SolomanDaisy Thu 23-Jan-14 11:33:01

Ah, we've done those uni research studies too. Always quite interesting to take part in them I think, just to see what they study and how. My DS is the same age as yours and I think it's natural to worry about how they're doing at preschool, whatever their abilities. My DS won't shut up at preschool and I worry about that as it seems like most of the children are a lot quieter. We live abroad and the focus is very much on social development, it will be five years before they're thinking about academic stuff. I think that's a good approach.

coppertop Thu 23-Jan-14 11:36:14

Even adults act differently in different social settings. You might, for example, talk more to your friends and family than to your work colleagues or your boss.

There's usually a lot going on at nursery. Toys, activities, adults, children. He will be busy learning things like where to go for snack time, how to put his coat on so that he can play outside etc.

At this age, children tend to mainly play alongside each other. It's usually from around 3yrs+ that they become more interested in the other children.

If you are concerned, speak to the nursery staff about what they plan to do (if anything) to encourage him to interact more.

SomewhatSilly Thu 23-Jan-14 11:45:30

People have been prickly because you've been quite rude - especially the comment about 'dumbing down'. You do realise that you are implying the other children are dumb?

Well however gifted a 2 year old is, I doubt that he is "dumbing down" to fit in.

wedontplaywithelectrics Thu 23-Jan-14 11:53:31

Apologies if anyone felt offended by the term "dumbing down". To my knowledge it's a well known phrase and I have never considered it to be rude.
I was in no way implying that other people's children are dumb.
That would be dumb of me, right? ;-)
Lighten up people!!

And people are responding because it is IMVHO utterly ludicrous to label a 2 year old as gifted and talented on the basis of speaking a lot.
My ds1 didn't speak until he was 2.7.
He is on the g&t register for all subjects, has been since year 4. I find it irritating and meaningless. It doesn't make him any different, it just means he learns quickly and is predicted some very good GCSE results next year.

SolomanDaisy Thu 23-Jan-14 11:57:29

Oh, I tried to be sympathetic, but actually you're just being rude aren't you?

TunipTheUnconquerable Thu 23-Jan-14 12:00:28

On the subject of 'dumbing down', my dd was an early speaker. (NB I don't believe you can label a child as gifted at 2.5 and I certainly don't think it's good for them to do so.) When she went to nursery where many of the kids weren't talking as much she ended up developing 3 dialects: broad Yorkshire to talk to the nursery staff, RP at home, and babytalk for the other kids. I suppose at some level you might call the babytalk 'dumbing down' but it seemed to me that it probably stretched her mentally more than it would done if she'd been with kids who all talked like her! I really wouldn't worry.

(Plus, the Yorkshire was very cute. Though it did sound a bit like she was taking the piss.)

wedontplaywithelectrics Thu 23-Jan-14 12:02:28

I'm attempting to shed some humour on this thread.
Lead balloon, anyone?


lljkk Thu 23-Jan-14 12:05:28

How long has he been at nursery? If he's still new then it makes sense he may be shy like anyone else. And some kids are shy in school for yrs.

Juno77 Thu 23-Jan-14 12:08:28

So, hold on.

You think your 2.5yo is G&T. You have had him assessed, but you didn't seek this out, they approached him?

How is this possible?

NakedTigarCub Thu 23-Jan-14 12:16:04

I think you need to homeschool him if you feel preschool is having a negative effect on him but then its up to you if you value his learning over his social skills.

Katnisscupcake Thu 23-Jan-14 12:16:23

This may well be the way he is.

DD is 4.7 and is still very very quiet at school even though they say she is very bright and ahead of nearly all the peers in her class. She actually prefers to play with the older children in other classes.

At home she is very loud and is becoming more so with friends that have known her (out of school) for a long time. She is very observant and could spend a good 9 months watching people before she decides who she wants to be friends with.

Also, she's much better 1-2-1 with friends than in a group...

Ziggyzoom Thu 23-Jan-14 12:22:10

I think a sense of humour will serve you well. I think that is what most people are trying to say. Lots can change over the next few years. It is great that your toddler is showing such potential, but don't get carried away.

VelvetGecko Thu 23-Jan-14 12:23:53

I think you've posted in the wrong section OP. Try development and behaviour.
Fwiw what you're describing is perfectly normal. Of course children are at their most confident and outgoing at home with the people they're comfortable with. And a lot changes between the ages o-f 2-5. I thought ds was a genius at that age, proper conversations by 18 months, 100 piece jigsaws at 24 months etc. Now at 5 he's bright but g & t wouldn't cross my mind. And he's still much more shy around people he doesn't know well, it's just his personality.

bialystockandbloom Thu 23-Jan-14 12:26:18

"dumbing down to fit in with his peers" - wtf?

Anyway. My dd is 90% more chatty, confident, funny etc than she is at nursery. I put this down to shyness. What's your actual concern here?

Out of interest, this assessment he had - was it by an Ed Psych? What did it measure, and how?

Bowlersarm Thu 23-Jan-14 12:32:02

Maybe his nursery just see a typical 2 and a half year old boy.

The behaviour you are seeing as remarkable, well, OP, perhaps it's just normal. wink

If he is gifted/talented/whatever it will soon be picked up.

notso Thu 23-Jan-14 12:35:54

I have read your posts several times and I can't get them to make sense confused
Anyway, I've worked in several nurseries and the majority of parents are surprised at how different their child is at the setting. It isn't dumbing down it is a small child in acting like a small child in a new environment.

wedontplaywithelectrics Thu 23-Jan-14 12:39:30

It has been picked up. There is no dispute there....

But what I've perhaps overlooked is the possible fact that this disparity is exactly as others have put it: Normal

So, a) He is exceptionally bright
. b) him being a bit shy at nursery has bugger all to do with this

FoxyHarlow123 Thu 23-Jan-14 12:39:54

Of course you were aware that "dumbing down" was rude, otherwise why did you say forgive me?

SolomanDaisy Thu 23-Jan-14 12:40:17

juno77 if you volunteer to take part in a research study, sometimes you get comparison data for your child. We got something that showed how DS compared to similar age peers in development of each of his languages.

SlightlyTerrified Thu 23-Jan-14 12:43:29

I am a bit confused, I don't understand what 99th percentile means in this assessment, what did is measure? reading, maths? I think if you had explained the assessment and what makes him exceptionally bright then I think you would have got a better response on here.

DS1 spoke really well from about 17 months (proper sentences etc) but when he started pre-school at just turned 2 he didn't speak there at all. It is completely normal IMO as they become a bit more shy and nervous as there are lots of people around rather than just being amongst 1 or 2 adults. DS2 was not advanced with his speaking but was a lot more confident speaking to others at a young age as he socialised more with lots of children due to DS1.

FWIW DS1 (now 7) is G&T for all subjects and has been recognised as such since about 2/3 YO as he had a SENCO from Early Years work with him/pre-school practitioners at preschool (very laid back nothing major), he is chatty and confident when he feels comfortable but generally quieter in a group. He is happy to speak to the class when required and can be outgoing but is not loud IYSWIM. Talking well doesn't necessarily mean anything IMO as the others have said.

Juno77 Thu 23-Jan-14 12:44:11

wedont I honestly think you'll look back on this thread in years to come and just cringe.

He is two years old!

Children develop at different rates.

The ones that walk first aren't necessarily going to be the sporty ones.
The ones that talk first aren't necessarily going to be the intelligent ones.
The ones that read aren't necessarily going to be the academic ones.

Ok exceptionally bright for a 2 year old means very little.

I'm sorry but that's true.
One of my DCs was an "exceptionally bright" 2 year old, by the time they were in year 1 they were still top half of the class but not fantastically so.

I think you need to prepare yourself for the fact that all DCs mature and learn at different rates. That's why labeling a 2 year old or a 4 year old as g&t is ridiculous.
9, 10, 11, fair enough. But my ds1 wasn't an exceptional 2 year old or 3 year old or 5 year old. Because he matured at a different rate as other 3 year olds.

TunipTheUnconquerable Thu 23-Jan-14 12:55:08

'Children develop at different rates.

The ones that walk first aren't necessarily going to be the sporty ones.
The ones that talk first aren't necessarily going to be the intelligent ones.
The ones that read aren't necessarily going to be the academic ones.'

Yes, this. My early-talking dd is now pretty good at reading etc but nothing exceptional. Her real talent now, by which I mean not just the thing she's good at but the thing she's motivated to spend hours on so she gets better, is art. She was rubbish at art at nursery - she did random scribbles when her peers were doing proper pictures.

Ziggyzoom Thu 23-Jan-14 12:57:31

OP - how did he come to be selected for the study? What exactly did they measure and who was conducting the study?

Juno77 Thu 23-Jan-14 12:58:22


My DS between 3 and 7ish was exceptionally far ahead of his peers, we never had him tested or classed as G&T, it all came from the nursery and school, and he was joining in with 10 and 11 year olds for reading and creative writing sessions at age 5. His maths was also ahead, though less so.

He's plateaued, the rest of the class has caught up, and whilst he is still in the top sets, he isn't actually any different to any other children in those sets anymore. In fact his handwriting is appalling!

I am so glad I didn't get all 'look at my gifted child' because my god, how I would look back now and cringe.

afterdinnerkiss Thu 23-Jan-14 13:01:40

I don't understand why people are offended at the OP - this is a gifted and talented forum - why would anyone even be on here if you aren't interested in the topic or have a gifted child around you.

I don't think the OP was saying her son was Einstein and a super genius and all other kids are thickos. I think she sees her sons development strong in one direction, and is worried that time at nursery is leading to a slow regression, or at least not fostering this skill. I would be worried too.

SolomanDaisy Thu 23-Jan-14 13:04:21

Mostly with research studies they're desperate to get anyone who'll meet the criteria. They also gave us a letter saying all the sensible stuff about different rates of development, limits to tests of two year olds etc..

wedontplaywithelectrics Thu 23-Jan-14 13:38:19

I don't understand why there's so many people putting me in the dock either..
If I had posted the same concerns but on a special needs forum (after stating my son had some learning difficulties confirmed by a multi disciplinary assessment)tell me please,would I have still been subject to the same level of scrutiny,even vitriol in some replies...?

Juno77 Thu 23-Jan-14 13:42:37

Very, very different OP. Very.

nonicknameseemsavailable Thu 23-Jan-14 13:51:52

both of mine are nonstop talkers at home but in nursery they were both very shy, the elder one in particular, it took her a whole year to find her feet there.

Ziggyzoom Thu 23-Jan-14 13:58:00

I think some of us are trying to work out whether your child is exceptionally bright or whether you are a "deluded, pushy parent". There, I said it.

wedontplaywithelectrics Thu 23-Jan-14 14:07:31

I see that, Ziggy and frankly I don't see why I should have to give anyone the names and scores of the assessments he took or name the research he participated in.
Pushy parent I am not. Lazy would be a more accurate description.

This is a gifted and talented forum.
He has been assessed as functioning cognitively on the 99th percentile.
Please re-read my original post.
It does not concern "academic" issues, rather some genuine worries about his social and emotional needs.

I'm realising that many of the posters may be here as a result of their children being on the 'gifted and talented' register at school.

To read of a mother writing about their g&t 2 year old may well send alarm bells ringing.

My thanks again to the messages genuinely offering advice and support.

Juno77 Thu 23-Jan-14 14:13:54

Are you joking, OP?

You are now claiming that this thread was to ask about his social and emotional needs, though you said:

It's almost as if he's "dumbing down" to fit in with his peers. (there. I said it)

Don't backtrack now.

blueberryupsidedown Thu 23-Jan-14 14:18:14

If you have concerns about his social and emotional needs at nursery, why do you suggest that he is dumming down to fit in with the others? That is in your original post, OP. And that's what many posters find a bit... odd? And maybe that you expect him to have a different emotional response from other children to a very important change in his life - starting nursery. He will adapt, and hopefully shine and be happy, but his exceptional intelligence will not prevent him from having similar emotional responses than most other children, which is to take time to adapt, and very possible act differently at nursery/school than at home.

It sets alarm bells ringing because of all the reasons I mentioned before. I am amazed at a 2 year old being assessed as "gifted" tbh, what people fail to realise is the difference between truly gifted and more able than their peers. It's not the same thing.

wedontplaywithelectrics Thu 23-Jan-14 14:20:30

Juno77 you crack me up

You seem to be enjoying this bashing.

It takes all sorts

wedontplaywithelectrics Thu 23-Jan-14 14:23:47

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Juno77 Thu 23-Jan-14 14:25:38

It's not a pack forming, OP, nor a bashing.

You have made a mistake.

wedontplaywithelectrics Thu 23-Jan-14 14:26:42

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

No one is bashing anybody.

Realistically, if you are posting about a gifted 2 year old, dumbing down because his peers at nursery are not so exceptionally bright, people may ask questions.

People who had exceptionally bright DCs who turned to just be clever teenagers, not genius, because children mature at different rates.

Lancelottie Thu 23-Jan-14 14:29:46

The little buggers pretty much never perform in public, OP.

The real surprise is that your toddler communicated well enough with the assessors you mention for your research study. Mine at that age would have glared grimly at them, commented unfavourably on their shoes on wandered off to unscrew the radiator.

I've worked in early years for many years, and we also have a lot of bright sparks in the family.
dd is bright and doing very well now at secondary school, just started GCSE courses (Y10) She's always been so much more chatty at home, especially with her DBro than at school where I've often heard she's a bit quiet, and they'd just like to hear more of her excellent ideas in class discussions. I think she just has a really good work ethic and a lot of respect for other's opinions. She has said to me "just because I know the answer why would I put my hand up ?" Kind of fair point I guess! - though I do try to encourage her to speak up more as I think the experience of articulating your ideas can help clarify them (sometimes) and building up your confidence in speaking is an important skill too.
I think you were right in one of your earlier posts - basically you can be bright and also quiet, especially in larger social groups.
Time will tell if he stays that way !
Either way I don't think you should worry.
Also meant to add many children are much quieter when they've just started at nursery - taking it all in, and there are a lot of new things to see before you jump in yourself!

Lancelottie Thu 23-Jan-14 14:30:38

or, not 'on'

wedontplaywithelectrics Thu 23-Jan-14 14:31:26

I never used the word 'genius'

And I understand that children do not develop in a linear pattern

SomewhatSilly Thu 23-Jan-14 14:32:08

Hey, wedontplay, I don't want to score points here, but I would really appreciate it if you could reconsider some of the things you've said.

As the parent of a beloved, wonderful boy undergoing assessment for the type of SEN you reference in your analogy, I cannot tell you how different your reality is. Your comments on "dumbing down" and comparing your son's intelligence to a lifelong, disabling condition with all its attendant discrimination and exclusion, are ill thought and offensive.

And seriously, if Juno's telling you you're being a wankbadger, after having her arse handed to her on a plate in baby names earlier then trust me, you're being one (sorry Juno grin).

PlumpPartridge Thu 23-Jan-14 14:32:40

wedont, it's not a pack - more that a group of people are ALL finding your remarks a bit hmm

I think DS1 is relatively bright now (he's 2.5) but heaven knows what he'll be like tomorrow!

wedontplaywithelectrics Thu 23-Jan-14 14:34:01

Thanks to the helpful posters above. It's nice to hear genuine advice that helps me put perspective on it.

Creamycoolerwithcream Thu 23-Jan-14 14:34:20

Lots of children and adults are chatty and lively in small groups or at home and quiet in big groups.

Ziggyzoom Thu 23-Jan-14 14:36:37

The first part of your OP describes your son as "exceptionally bright". If you refuse to answer questions about the process by which he was determined to be so, then those who know more about these processes than you cannot determine whether this is likely to be an accurate assessment or not.

With this part of the query not open for discussion, then we simply have an issue of a 2.5 year old hesitantly settling into nursery. I can assure you OP - this is entirely unexceptional.

Lancelottie Thu 23-Jan-14 14:37:13

Curious about why you think parents would have alarm bells ringing or be forming a pack?

Incidental, if your son was truly 'dumbing down' to match his peers' pattern of behaviour and speech, that sort of mirroring would show some social and emotional intelligence of a pretty high order for 2 and certainly wouldn't be something to worry about (though it's probable he's just a bit shy).

Bitzer Thu 23-Jan-14 14:39:08

wedont I honestly wouldn't worry. Really. I don't know if DS is your first child, perhaps he isn't but I know I worried about all sorts of stuff about my eldest when she was 2-3 starting in nursery and not doing any of the stuff she did at home – and looking back I feel a bit daft for obsessing about it all. If he turns out to be gifted and talented (and I do honestly believe it's too early to say at this stage - you would not belieeeve how many people think this about their toddlers) then it will come out in time and be recognised in all the appropriate places. Best of luck to you both.

PlumpPartridge Thu 23-Jan-14 14:40:32

TBF, my inner alarm goes off when I think I've spotted someone being overly braggy about their child. I mean, it's just not the done thing is it? wink

wedontplaywithelectrics Thu 23-Jan-14 14:40:48

"If you refuse to answer questions about the process by which he was determined to be so, then those who know more about these processes than you cannot determine whether this is likely to be an accurate assessment or not."


You lot really do crack me up

How very presumptuous of you to think you know more about these processes.

Who is deluded now?

Pumpkin567 Thu 23-Jan-14 14:45:26

Oh dear...

I sent one of mine to pre school for a bit a peace and quiet.
They said " oh she's so quiet, barely says a word, likes walking round watching everything."

This was a child that spoke fluently at 18 m, three word sentances at ten months..a real talker.

Three months later she was ordering the children around, changing the plan for the day. They changed their assesment of her! Hehe

The early years are the easiest for a gifted child ( you can try to run the nursery wink )they can be stretched so easily. If he's gifted he'll just take himself off and Learn to read or something. stop trying to push him.

Not sure I believe your assesment tbh. Who tested your child?

Worriedthistimearound Thu 23-Jan-14 14:45:56

My ds2 would probably have been considered G&T at that age. He was labelled that in reception. He's now 8yrs and whilst still very very bright! I wouldn't say he was gifted.

At 2.5 he could read and count to 100. Write his name and use wooden letters to spell out mummy daddy and dc1's name. He had finished the roald Dahl collection by end of reception. He is very able but not gifted and at 2.5/3 at nursery all he did was run around, climb, play cars and get messy. At that age nobody else was going anything academic or formal so neither did he. They had no idea he could do what he did at home whilst trying to be his big brother. He is/was not shy but if he had been I imagine he would have acted like a shy 2.5yr old and barely spoken like your ds seems to be doing.

Oh and I would never dream of comparing ds's high ability with a disability such as asd. How disingenuous of me to suggest that he would be facing a lifetime of struggles in the way a child on the spectrum does.

MoominsYonisAreScary Thu 23-Jan-14 14:46:39

Mine was assessed the same at around 2 years old (some study of his age group through the hv and gp surgery) although they didnt use the word gifted. More that he was more able then other 2 yo.

Hes 19 now and although he was in all the top sets at school he certainly wasnt g&t.

Ds2 at 10 is g&t. His teacher says he tends to take a back seat when it comes to answering questions in class etc or dubing down as you so nicely put it hmm at almost 3 thoigh he was hardly talking at all!

Honestly hes 2, probably a little shy and certainly not deciding to take a back seat to fit in with the other children. Just let him get on with it. 2 is very young to be thinking about g&t, unless he is reading Shakespeare or playing Mozart

No one is saying they know more than you.

People are wondering how you have come to the realization that your 2 year old is gifted. That is all.

If you choose not to share that, that is your decision.
It does mean, however, that people will comment without knowing the full facts.
I am commenting based on my own experience. Which was that at 3/4 my dd was considered, by her pre school to be exceptionally bright. And as time went on, she was still the top half of the class, top set at secondary school and predicted As in her GCSEs this year. But not out of the ordinary. Not gifted or exceptional, just fairly bright and hard working.
Ds1 was identified as the top 10% of his year in all subjects in year 4. He again is not exceptional, clearly as 10% of his year are in the same position. The difference is he can achieve As at the moment without studying whereas dd has to work harder. So in effect he is g&t whatever that means. He was not g&t at 2, he didnt talk properly until 2.7.

wedontplaywithelectrics Thu 23-Jan-14 14:48:29

What else are we here to discuss????????
I've had some good advice here from a number of posters. Thank you for those genuine responses.

And as for the rest of you getting your knickers in a twist about my OP.
Meh, you know what.... not going to waste any more time on you.

Happy Thursday!

Lancelottie Thu 23-Jan-14 14:50:30

So, we are to take it that you are the author of the childhood development study in question, and indeed a renowned expert on it? Then wotcha doin' asking 'us lot' for clarification about your toddler's behaviour?

Is he randomly rude to other toddlers for not knowing all about his inner life, by the way? Does he refer to them as 'you lot' and think they are all dumb, deluded and presumptuous?

(I'm guessing not, by the way, but you really are being quite rude and silly. I assume this is because you've been quite worried about him, but it sounds like he's just fine.)

snowmummy Thu 23-Jan-14 14:51:02

He's 2 and you think he's dumbing down to fit in?? Sorry couldn't take your post seriously after that.

sydlexic Thu 23-Jan-14 14:51:06

I had the same problem with my DS, he doesn't stop talking to take a breath at home. He didn't talk to any of his peers. He would speak to adults though. He thought the other children were babies, not like him.

I suspected my DS was gifted when at 7 months he would sort his bricks into different colours, at a year he would write the names of all the Thomas trains in plastic letters.

Sorry you have had such unsupportive replies don't know why it is such a problem for people.

Quinteszilla Thu 23-Jan-14 14:52:04

"To read of a mother writing about their g&t 2 year old may well send alarm bells ringing. "

People chill, she is a Troll. There, I said it.

Not because it is impossible for a 2 year old to be exceptionally bright, but because it is impossible for an exceptionally bright 2 year old to have a mum with so little comprehension. But what she lacks in comprehension she makes up for in superiority.

But what do I know, I am a woman of little brain. grin

kelda Thu 23-Jan-14 14:52:16

For his age, he sounds very normal. It is very common for a child to speak loads at home (and for the parents to consider their child 'witty') and to be very quiet and shy at nursery. At nursery he will be amoung many other children, some bigger then him, some louder, and some may even be cleverer then he is. It is normal that he is quiet while his two year old brain is getting used to all these new people and is learning how to react to and with them. I wouldn't think he is 'dumbing down' to fit in.

I know many adults who are quiet at work and are very talkative at home.

As long as you think he is happy at nursery, and the people who work there think there is no reason for concern, then I wouldn't worry too much.

Lancelottie Thu 23-Jan-14 14:52:29

Wow. Great cross post.

Yes, if the G&T bit is what you wanted to discuss, why not discuss the G&T bit... which might include the tests? Where's the great problem in mentioning what they were?

Bitzer Thu 23-Jan-14 14:53:16

wedont I think that's exactly what everyone is discussing. They're just challenging whether it's possible (or helpful) to define a 2-year-old as G&T…

Juno77 Thu 23-Jan-14 14:53:50

somewhat grin touché wink

OP - I think the issue is that your child might not be G&T. He is 2. You can't tell yet.

That's why some people think you are being silly.

ouryve Thu 23-Jan-14 14:56:56

Children who are exceptionally bright don't necessarily have the social skills to go along with it.

I'm not going to question whether your DD is exceptionally bright or not. It's clear she's shy, though. It's also clear that with every single post you write, eg "lighten up" or "not going to waste any time on you" (and lots more digs besides) you are losing the sympathy of other posters. You're not bringing humour to the thread. You are coming across as quite rude and arrogant, in fact, whether that is your intention or not. If this is a demonstration of your own social skills, then it's probably a good thing that your DD is in a nursery environment where she can learn some of her own from better role models.

mistlethrush Thu 23-Jan-14 14:56:58

The 'exceptionally bright' child that I knew was looking at books on the anatomy of invertebrates and reptiles before he could walk - and could run latin names off by the time he was 2. That is 'exceptionally bright'.

Talking a lot doesn't mean they're exceptionally bright either. My aunt didn't talk at all until she was 4, then started talking in complete sentences. She went on to be a consultant in two completely unrelated areas of medicine.

MirandaWest Thu 23-Jan-14 14:57:20

I could post in the gardening topic. It does not mean I suddenly have green fingers. And posting in the G&T topic does not mean your child is G&T. It also doesn't mean they're not of course.

RonaldMcDonald Thu 23-Jan-14 14:58:02

Do people really believe that their kids can be accurately assessed as g&t as toddlers?

There will be a difficult adjustments ahead in that household.

ouryve Thu 23-Jan-14 14:59:05

And apologies - I've just given your little boy an unwitting sex change blush

annieorangutan Thu 23-Jan-14 15:01:30

Dd1 was very social and confident at nursery at that age, and still is now. She will talk the hindlegs off a donkey whoever you are. I dont think she is thar academic on paper its just because she started nursery as a baby, and your ds has started a lot older and hasnt been there long.

heather1 Thu 23-Jan-14 15:02:39

When Ds was about 2,5 he was talking a lot at home. I assumed the same a nursery. So I thought I'd ask the just to check. He wasn't saying a word other than yes and no. So I said 'Ds why aren't you talking at nursery? All the helpers really like you' and he said 'mummy they don't know me' so we talked about it and I told him they really liked him and they did know him. After that he started to talk at nursery as much as at home. So maybe ask him why he isn't talking and see what he says.

Ziggyzoom Thu 23-Jan-14 15:07:17

OP - if you know more than anyone on here about teaching, child care and research methods, perhaps you should be on the G&T register! wink

Lancelottie Thu 23-Jan-14 15:11:31

Mistlethrush, that wouldn't be a child starting with O, would it? Currently into classics, ancient music and endangered reptiles?

If not, oh god, there's two of them.

I think being bright does often show itself in 2 year olds though, and even in babies ?
But possibly difficult to say exactly how bright, and whether they were likely to be G&T ?
I think in the nursery setting there should be ample opportunities for all children to develop their interests and skills in a fairly open ended way.
It's only later, at school, that there becomes more of a need for activities to be differentiated according to the child's ability and level of understanding?
I remember being very impressed with my DNiece coming up with a little song about her toes just before her second birthday, and she was generally very talkative. She's done well at school but probably not exceptionally so ATM

mistlethrush Thu 23-Jan-14 15:16:22

Lancelottie - no, this child was a bit younger than me, so probably has their own bunch of little G&Ts now - if, that is, there was room in his life to allow for a wife and a family of course! He was the 4th very bright child in that family - and probably the most obviously 'different' from a very young age - all went on to do extremely well academically and carry on in the same vein.

PlumpPartridge Thu 23-Jan-14 15:17:21

I find myself nodding and smiling a lot at a friend whose DS is exactly the same age as mine. Her DS spoke at 12 mo, has higher comprehension than mine AND didn't seem to go off into toddler fits of rage anywhere hear as often. I observed all this and was am moderately wistful that DS1 isn't the same as her DS.

However, her DH has form for proudly holding forth on FB about just how great their DS is and THAT, dear friends, in what sets my teeth on edge. I can cope with lovely bright little kids but their (admittedly justifiably) proud parents make me stabby grin

PlumpPartridge Thu 23-Jan-14 15:19:16

They are lovely on all other topics however and that is why I charitably forgive them their pride. I sometimes wonder what they tolerate about me!

My ds3 is the noisiest, stroppiest, talk the hind leg off a donkey child at home. At school he is very quiet. To the point where the teachers laugh & don't believe me when I tell them what he like at home. He was practically selective mute when he first started, would nod and shake his head and not much more.

It works quite well tbh. If he was like he is at home at school I would be called in all the time and he'd be a PITA. He just takes school quite seriously I think - thank god.

MostWicked Thu 23-Jan-14 15:43:12

Pretty much ALL 2.5yr olds have a high learning potential.

kkag Sat 25-Jan-14 16:32:25

I think, as others have said, you might cringe in later years when you think back on this. You've referred to a 2 year old as exceptionally bright, bless you I've never heard anyone call their own toddler average. And you sought out a g and t forum, I suspect because you're desperate for someone to validate your opinion.

I hope for his sake he's bright enough to pick up some empathy and humility along the way because it sounds like he won't learn it from you. Ever done any research on the harm caused by unrealistic expectations placed on kids by their parents? Something to think about I suggest.

gruffalosoldier14 Mon 27-Jan-14 12:20:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mistlethrush Mon 27-Jan-14 12:29:37

This is not an education forum, its a forum for parents.

naty1 Mon 27-Jan-14 12:44:33

I have to say a young child can behave differently with different people. Mine (20m) tries to impress her grandparents. But at 13-14m in nursery i dont think said a word nor in toddler groups when i thought about it, with me.
I dont think its necessarily shyness.
For her it was upset, she hated nursery violently too many kids not enough adults not enough attention. So in that state no speech.
At playgroup i think too much going on, no need to talk too much fun running around playing.
I focused on saying what toy she was bringing me and quickly she was talking there too.
They think that speech is 2way so the more you talk the more they do. In nursery, as some have said less encouragement and if the child seems happy playing. if the other kids are younger depending on the age in the room may not speak much either, as some have said some dont speak to till a few years old.
I think you could say a 2 yr old seems bright but yes that doesnt mean they will do well at school and as with lots of milestones it all can level out in the end.
I like to think up to gcse level you can do well by hard work. That can make more difference than intelligence.
It is only really beyond that anyone is really stretched (now)

brettgirl2 Mon 27-Jan-14 20:02:52

my mother in law goes on about dd1 being exceptionally bright hmm . She's always seemed much the same as her (probably brightish) peers to me. I disagree with her. . ...btw

naty1 Tue 28-Jan-14 08:53:19

I think grandparents can be aware of differences more than the parents after all they have "seen it all before"
But say my parents only have experience of girls.
And my lg is v different to her dad and aunt so s

naty1 Tue 28-Jan-14 09:03:01

Oops posted too soon
So those grandparents dont understand allergies, sleep problems as hers were quite contented babies.
The nan cant understand "she doesnt sleep in the car now? "
Or that when she is somewhere new she wont nap.
But my DSis was like this but much worse.
Of course though grandparents like parents want the best for them
Also if they see a kid mastering tech a lot of older people think they are really bright as they dont think they could do what the kids are smile

fishonabicycle Tue 28-Jan-14 11:22:06

My son was the same. Silent when he started nursery. When he settled in he was fine. Also read and wrote like a chimp til he was about 8, but is now doing well at a grammar school.

acm2012 Tue 13-May-14 03:49:50

My son is only just 2 and exactly the same. I think they're more capable than we realise, my son relates and interacts better with his carers than he does with his peers because he doesn't get the reaction or response with children his age, that he does with adults and older children.. response being conversation, full on interaction and play, engaging in group activity and participating in imaginative play. Not just playing. Children around that age don't necessarily "play" together. They play with the same things, next to each other. It's not playing together. Where as, my son enjoys playing WITH other children, often older. I completely understand where you're coming from.
I teach my son very little intentionally, he knows a LOT.
It was recommended by my maternal health nurse to assess further. Not me!
Message me if you like!

EugenesAxe Tue 13-May-14 04:24:19

FWIW my DS was the same. I read all of this thread for once and conclude:

1. I'm pleased to be reminded of the wankbadger thread.
2. You contradict yourself often.

Please re-read my original post.
It does not concern "academic" issues, rather some genuine worries about his social and emotional needs.


What else are we here to discuss????????

If you were genuinely concerned about his social interaction why did you have to raise the G&T theory, or post on this forum? I'm with Juno and others that you seem to be champing at the bit to tell everyone you have a DS that's been assessed as G&T. Your posts don't convey any genuine concern for his social welfare - even your title essentially says 'why is my DS letting me down in public?'

You've had your answer anyway. I'm glad you posted as it's made me look at myself and the way I might project onto my DCs to the future detriment of their potential.

dilys4trevor Tue 03-Jun-14 14:03:25

I have a friend a few years ago who told me that the reason her DD screamed and cried throughout nursery was that she was highly intelligent and perhaps all the children who played happily were just not very bright?

My own son was there at the time and had settled very well.

The rudeness and delusion of this was lost on her.

The OP's post reminded me. Sounds like you have more to go on but the rudeness and blithe assumption that every other child is inferior is the same.

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