just started nursery; gifted and sen

[flippityjibit]

(Sorry long, I just don't have anywhere else)
My 3 year old recently started nursery at the local primary school. He's always had trouble socially, never really being able to relate to the other kids his age and never really clicking with anyone (doesn't help he's a spoiled only child) as he always seemed a step ahead developmentally. The teacher wants to get him assessed by the local educational behaviorist as he tends to act out if he doesn't get the attention of the teacher immediately (pushing, slapping, hiding things, doing things deliberately to annoy the adults). She thinks maybe he is getting frustrated as he speaks in complex sentences and tries to get involved in play but the other kids just kinda ignore him because they don't understand the concepts he is trying to explain, and so acts out because he wants someone to play with on 'his level' (ie an adult)
I'm worried he is going to be labeled a trouble maker and that it will make him think there's something wrong with him.:( the thing is he is a very loving sensitive child, who really takes everything to heart and I'm so very concerned about him.(example, a child hit him and marked his face in school, when the mother chastised the boy for it my son burst into tears and said he didn't want the boy to get into trouble for hurting him.)
Someone please tell me it's possible to get help for him without it following him forever.

[insanityscatching]

I think that he should get support for whilst ever he needs it and that could be short term or long term. I don't think there is any stigma attached to SEN support or at least there shouldn't be.
I have a son who has had a statement of SEN since he was 3, he's expected to go to uni next year without the support he wouldn't have reached his potential. So try and see support as a means to an end.
My son at four was academically four or five years ahead but still was able to relate to his peers and was very popular so I'm not sure that high ability leads to social isolation.
Being unable to relate to his peers, preferring adult company and behavioural difficulties, complex speech and sensitivity and high academic ability suggest Aspergers syndrome to me. Do you think his teacher thinks likewise?

[mrstweefromtweesville]

Let's say he was assessed and found to be HFA/Aspergers. It would be with him forever. It would make social interaction a challenge but it might lead to him making a wonderful career in a specialist field of his choosing.

I remember taking DD to a 'mother and toddler' group, some years ago (she's in her thirties now!). She spoke to another child, properly, in sentences, and the child was so shocked she poked my DD in the eye. Other people, even adults, struggle to cope with a bright child.

Don't panic. Get assessments, if you like the conclusions find out about the conditions and learn some strategies to share with your child. Knowledge is power. And he'll have lots of knowledge... particularly if you are behind him all the way.

[Worriedandlost]

Definitely get assessment, and the earlier the better. If there is a problem he will get support earlier, rather than later and it will help you to make right educational decisions for him, as well as, possibly, get an access to some services. You have to remember that it takes ages to get a right help here, but the younger child is the quicker things are done. There are hundreds of children who are bright and SEN therefore please don't be afraid of labeling, I don't know anyone who would be labeled because of their problems.
Also, useful to know, SEN children have priority in getting places in some schools, certainly in some grammars, it seems to be miles away right now, but....
And child can act very differently at home and at social setting, and it is easier for teachers to find out if there is something not quite right.

[steppemum]

see the assessment as a signpost. It direct you to strategies, help and support which will work for him.
It should also help the school to see his behaviour as part of his needs and help him to address them, rather than as 'trouble' and feel the need to punish.

[momalex]

I think in the age of 3 it is hard to say anythink. But when he goes to school you should consider your child can be diagnosed with an Asperger's Syndrome, also can be gifted in the same time. From my own experience I would advice you to support as much as you can to understand his needs and let him explore the world. It is very important to challenge such a child and let him develope interests, otherwise they may become rebel. Just not let him to feel different.

[Iwantakitchen]

The thing is, for most children it's easier to play with an adult than it is with a child their own age. An adult will let them start first, listen to what the child wants to do and agree, modify play to agree with the child, let them lead the play/game/pretend play. For some children, it's very difficult to 'negotiate' their way through play with another child who also wants to lead, has their own interest and will not agree to everything. For some children, it's a learned skill. I am not sure this is a sign of being G&T or advanced academically.

There must be a plan in place to support your child's behaviour towards other children and help him learn to deal with his feelings better, ie not hitting biting etc. This will be handled differently if he has a diagnosis of any kind, but whether he has Asperger or not there should be a plan in place at school. A lot of this responsibility will be joint, between you as parents and the school - a lot of the efforts will be at home. DS started nursery (up until year 3) on Sen list for different reasons, and it's a mobile list, although he has a speech disorder he is also G&T in maths. Many children can have special educational needs and be 'high achievers' in some areas. He said his first word at 3 and spoke in sentences at 4.5, so had great difficulty to play with other children as they were too 'fast' for him.