Debrowskis Overexcitabilities - How Can I Help My DD Deal With This ??(1 Post)
I didn't know about this until spotting it on another thread yesterday - following the link was a lightbulb moment as regards my DDs current struggles in school to say the least.
DD is year 6, G&T listed in several subjects, sometimes all & its changed from year to year - she's also musically gifted, not yet recognised in school. She fits this profile to a tee on all levels, though she's not manipulative as we spotted the potential for that trait at a scarily young age &'worked hard to nip it in the bud, which we succeeded with.
She has health problems, diagnosed Ehlers Danlos/Hypermobility Syndrome - CAF place at school & up to now we have been pinning all her current school problems on that, that & her massive perfectionist streak that just doesn't allow her to make allowances for her ill health.
Despite her health problems, which do affect her badly she does incredibly well in school, but her health problems are getting worse due to hormones kicking in - I can also see now that its also worse due to her stressing herself out so much about her ability as stress affects the EDS - vicious cycle
She's hit the age where school work gets harder, she's never in the past needed to try to learn, suddenly she needs to try harder & she's more ill, more accident & generally struggling more, struggles with her peers, she hates small mindedness, she won't tolerate the bitching & drama that is now a normal part of her girl friendships, so separates herself off from them, this causes problems & she's gone from being very very sociable & having a wide group of friends, though this has been clouded by social bullying in the past, led by one girl, she survived that, but nolonger trusts girls in school so easily & now really has one boy in school that she actually really trusts, though I think she masks that well in school, it hurts her a lot still.
We also lost my DM earlier in the year & though not alwys close as we live away & difficult relationship with my DM the situation was as hard as it gets with DD being party to a beside vigil, where I had no choice & desperately tried to balance protecting DD whilst helping my DM - DD was actually amazing at the time, but I can see left its mark too - she panicks to a state of frenzy if I for example don't get to the phone quick enough
I could go on & on, but basically she is struggling massively emotionally, struggles with a new teacher, hears only negative things about her work - some of which initially was the teacher pushing her in a not so kind way, but I've dealt with that & got a good response. Now talking & digging further with DD I can see its now more likely what DD HEARS, not what is actually said
Example - Lots of tests going on in school, many when DD is actually too ill to really cope with school at all, but DD wants to go & we are under pressure to keep her in school even when ill - she was signed off by our GP for a very bad chest infection/ suspected pneumonia, but DD decided to go back earlier - turned out she was going back to test after test, which she physicallybjust couldn't cope with at all, hand pain, headaches & IBS - this resulted in her mind going blank & in DDs opinion really messing up the tests
She got the results yesterday, she did extremely well considering how ill she was, but not good enough for DD - she heard the teacher say - "you should have done better" meaning to DD, you are rubbish, just not good enough - she was deeply upset & burst into tears when I picked her up for a lunchtime treat - on quizzing DD further - seems more like the teacher actually said, you were ill, so we know you could have done better, so don't worry. DD also felt upset that 2 of her friends were rubbing her nose in it as they unexpectedly did better than she did, with one at least, it was more likely surprise as this has always been one of her strongest subjects.
So basically very very hard on herself, fits the profile for this to a tee & I am so worried about her emotional well being right now & hoping for guidance on what I can do to help her - seems my no nonsense, ignore, you know better, rise above it with the genuine bitchy remarks at school are the wrong way to deal with a kid like her
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