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DH under the knife this morning. Need distracting...

(78 Posts)
oenophilia Tue 22-Apr-14 09:16:40

He's having a triple bypass and I genuinely believe all the platitudes I'm repeating to myself - all the "It's far and away the best option", "what was the alternative - a heart attack?", "Just think how much better he'll be once he's recovered". Just at the moment I'm feeling very lonely, useless and nauseous. That's normal, right? Keep getting lovely texts, FB messages etc saying we' re in their thoughts, prayers etc so plenty of RL virtual support . Just need to keep going until I hear...

Bearandcub Tue 22-Apr-14 09:25:00

I won't go into the platitudes but just wish you both well.

Distractions then;

Yesterday pulling into the Supermarket DS1 saw a Sky van wrapped in The Simpsons characters. He asked what the cartoon was called and watched the van as we parked. Getting out the car and into the trolley he spotted the driver, waiting till he got near, he called out to the man "Excuse me, are you the simpleton driver?" I tried to explain but he wasn't having it... Ho hum.

oenophilia Tue 22-Apr-14 09:30:46

Thank you. I just laughed - felt good!

Eastpoint Tue 22-Apr-14 09:31:52

I'm racking my brain trying to think of something amusing to tell you but failing miserably. Have you sorted out your old winter jumpers? Are there any which are too bobbly to wear next winter? <trying to distract you>

bypass Tue 22-Apr-14 09:32:17

I've NCd for this in order not to out me in RL. My DH went in for a quadruple bypass two years ago, having gone from slight feeling of indigestion to the op in four days flat.
He's fighting fit now, and going on a 100k cycle ride on the second anniversary later this week.

Apart from the risk of any op, what matters is doing what the doc says after, usually losing weight and keeping on top of cholesterol.

Be prepared for your DH to look very white indeed (assuming he's white to begin with), slow walking, easily tired at first.

All the very best for your DH and you. thanks

Bearandcub Tue 22-Apr-14 09:33:16

To make it worse he then called the man rude as he didn't answer his question. You can imagine how I felt.

Little maternal pride at this juncture.

bypass Tue 22-Apr-14 09:39:11


The six week visit to the cardiac doctor and surgeon all went well. DH was stoked because it meant he was allowed to drive home. Jumped a red light in his enthusiasm. First one ever.

oenophilia Tue 22-Apr-14 09:43:59

That's a great result bypass. The DC and I are all lined up for the diet, exercise stuff after (although I think DD2's expectation that Daddy will have a six-pack after six months may be rather ambitious). DD1 and DD2 are off at school -they had an early swimming start this morning and I've promised to get a message to the school office when I hear anything. Ds1 and Ds2 are still lurching around the house as they have a late start. I made all the lunches at 5 this morning as I couldn't see the point in staying in bed staring at the ceiling. We went en masse to drop DH off yesterday afternoon, but it was a very long evening when we got home again.
I've arranged to work from home for at least a couple of weeks and have got a report to write, but I only seem to be able to write a sentence at a time. So I know what I ought to be doing. It just doesn't seem very important or interesting.
Bearandcub - your DS makes a fair point. Good manners cost nothing!

oenophilia Tue 22-Apr-14 09:46:50

Don't mean the jumping the red light btw! DH seems more put out by the not driving than anything else tbh. Car is parked up on the street outside the house and will stay put til June. I don't drive. I'm the one hareing about with children at my heels

Jbck Tue 22-Apr-14 09:47:22

Knock knock

Jbck Tue 22-Apr-14 09:49:27

Blatant sockpuppet
Who's there?

Jbck Tue 22-Apr-14 09:49:41


Jbck Tue 22-Apr-14 09:50:21

Should have been Bear oops grin

Jbck Tue 22-Apr-14 09:50:46

Sockpuppet again
Bear who?

Jbck Tue 22-Apr-14 09:51:29

Bear bum!
Boom boom.

Hope all goes well.

oenophilia Tue 22-Apr-14 09:52:02


MissPlumBroughtALadder Tue 22-Apr-14 09:55:54

OP on a more serious note: my dad is a heart surgeon and has done literally thousands of bypass operations. Honestly, it is SO rare for something to go wrong. As much as this is the biggest thing for you and your family, for your DH'a surgeon it is all just a standard morning at work. I don't say that to belittle your feelings or experience but to try to reassure you that he is in safe hands and that all will be well. Thinking of you.

goshdarnit Tue 22-Apr-14 09:59:02

On the back of Jbck's 'joke' wink I'll attempt to distract you with my tale of dh in an operating gown.
Whilst waiting for his hernia op, I learned that dh does not know how to sit like a laydee.
I took a photo of him, (as you do) and then later at home showed it to my mum.
It was then that I noticed the free swinging testicle I had snapped. shock
Keep yourself busy today xxx

oenophilia Tue 22-Apr-14 10:13:14

Did she notice or did you change the subject rapidly? The DDs were a bit taken aback by the gown waiting on his bed yesterday as it said bear paws on it and had print of a bear paw, which they said was a bit babyish. Nothing to the hilarity though when they found the paper knickers.

goshdarnit Tue 22-Apr-14 10:19:21

I quickly scrolled to the next photo! I think hope she only noticed he didn't have his ever present glasses on! grin

ajandjjmum Tue 22-Apr-14 10:24:46

I'm sure all will go well - but I really wouldn't worry about the report today! Eat the Easter eggs (if there are any remaining) to remove future temptation from your DH - see, now that's constructive! smile

bypass Tue 22-Apr-14 10:25:59

A thought, OP. My DH was out of hospital five days after the op - you're not allowed out here until you're off the hillbilly heroin, or oxycontin.

We have a downstairs guest bedroom, so all OK there. I took a week's carer's leave, fondly imagining I'd get a bit of marking done. Not a scrap, and we have one child, 16 at the time. What I'm saying is your DH will need lots of attention, so time to call in all the friendly offers of help. Really.

I had no help, but with self-sufficient teen, I was still running round. I'm not complaining, we live thousands of miles from family, just that taking care of the convalescent is very time-consuming.

Thumbs up and best wishes.

oenophilia Tue 22-Apr-14 10:45:05

Tbh that's one of the things that's really bothering me. They'll probably keep him in for seven nights - we've told them that this house bears more than a passing resemblance to Piccadilly Circus, so hopefully he'll be able to make it up the stairs to the bedroom by the time they discharge. Otherwise it's the sofabed in the playroom surrounded by drumkits and PS3s. I am the world's least patient nurse - so not cut out for it, am in deepest admiration for the truly compassionate. When the children are ill (which isn't very often), I'm very much "Here's your Calpol/nurofen/ABs, go to bed until you're feeling better"-type. I'm always on the go with a part-time (ha!) job and the 4 DCs and get stir-crazy cabin fever within hours. I also feel very selfish that I'm worried about my inability to deal with things. Youngest DC is 10, so just big enough to take herself off to after school stuff, others pretty self sufficient. No family near by and we'll just have to play the calling in of favours from friends by ear, I think

I hope it goes well for him, I am sure it will.

My dad is waiting for one too, a triple bypass. Let us know how your DH gets on.

oenophilia Tue 22-Apr-14 11:38:32

Still waiting for the call...

grimbletart Tue 22-Apr-14 11:58:24

Hang in there oenophilia. I'v found that cleaning out the detergent drawer on the washing machine is a good distraction technique.

My good friend in Australia had his triple bypass 16 years ago. He is currently cycling round New Zealand!

Very best wishes.

Bearandcub Tue 22-Apr-14 11:58:44

How's it going oenophilia? Just to let you know you're all on my mind.

I've had to turn the heating on this morning. Weather this neck of the woods is bizarre. Rain but warm, overcast but v cool. I think sleep deprivation might have something to do with it.

Have you been watching anything interesting lately? Or reading anything decent?

(Yes it's inane chit-chat as a distraction.)

oenophilia Tue 22-Apr-14 12:17:34

Obsessing that I was told it would be three hours and that I would be rung directly after he was transferred to ICU. I've been report writing. Fortunately there are editors who will let me know if I've written goobledegook before they go anywhere near clients. He was going down to theatre at 8 and they expected to start operating at 9. It's now 12.12 and I have no nails.
Was really looking forward to Jamaica Inn on the telly last night as it's one of my favorite books, Got DH to read it last month and he immediately re-read it again as it was so good. Thought the telly looked properly brooding but the indoor scenes were so dark I couldn't see what was going on. Don't want to put any music on in case I don't hear the phone and don't want to go the loo in case I can't get back quick enough (and don't want to take the phone with me because it will make it harder to speak).
You're right about the weather. I usually turn the heating off after the clocks change but I'm sitting here frozen. May fetch comfy gilet. Have also eaten most of the remaining simnel cake without realising.

Hi oenophila no experience to offer but just wanted to say hope all goes ok, and your call comes soon. xx

I too am frozen, it's drizzling and horrible here.

Inane chit chat. There was a man on This Morning who had spent ££££s on facial plastic surgery and actually looked worse than when he started. He was a v attractive man before. confused

Oooh and Victoria Cohen has won £400,000 playing poker. shock

oenophilia Tue 22-Apr-14 12:29:37

I wonder how much she staked! I gave up playing the National Lottery when they put the tickets up to £2. I was buying 3 when they were £1 and that seemed like a sensible limit. But £4 and only get 2 chances -meurgh. So that didn't work then.
12.29. When am I allowed to ring them?

Nocomet Tue 22-Apr-14 12:33:49

All I can say is I have a beautiful 7 year old Dniece who wouldn't exist and a lovely 11 year old DNephew who quite possibly wouldn't have a DF if it wasn't for heart bypass surgery.

It really is magic and I hope your DH has a smooth and speedy recovery.

oenophilia Tue 22-Apr-14 12:37:19

Phone just rang. Leaped in the air. Elderly and deaf FIL wanting news. GET OFF THE RUDDY LINE!!!!

I think you are allowed to ring whenever you like TBH.

More inane chat-I have just rung the Ovenclean man. <excited>

IamtheZombie Tue 22-Apr-14 12:38:14

Zombie had a lumpectomy in 1992. It was a longish procedure as they had to insert a thin wire into the breast using mammograms to position the tip of the wire in the middle of the area to be excised. She then went up to theatre for the operation.

At some point DH arrived. He first went to the ward who told him she was in Breast Imaging. Breast imaging told him she was up in theatre. He wandered around a bit, found the lift to the floor the operating theatres were on and went up. When he got to the security door he punched in the code that was used in all of the London County Courts (he was a solicitor and deputy district judge). The door opened and in he went. He was wearing a 3 piece suit and everyone assumed he was a consultant. Until he said he was looking for his wife.

He was sent away and told to wait on the ward. grin grin grin

Thinking of you, oneo. Will glare at my phone on your behalf.

Distraction? My DS told my rather easily shocked grandparents that he had drawn an octopus with 8 testicles the other day. Imagine their expressions.

ajandjjmum Tue 22-Apr-14 12:58:10

I've been through the tearing my hair out stage when DS has been 'in theatre' for twice as long as they said. What they had forgotten to mention was that it didn't allow for the time in recovery, and they (quite rightly) don't rush.

He'll be fine - but I know that won't help much at the moment.

oenophilia Tue 22-Apr-14 13:07:22

Thanks Mimsy. My DDs were a slithy tove and a mome rath not that long ago. The latter's outgrabing made me particularly proud.

oenophilia Tue 22-Apr-14 13:30:22

OK can't wait any longer. Ringing.

oenophilia Tue 22-Apr-14 13:33:03

Shit. Still in theatre. He went in at 9 and it was supposed to take three hours max. They've told me to ring back at 3. Not sure how to do this

MegCleary Tue 22-Apr-14 13:47:27

Deep breath cup of tea and hang in there.

oenophilia Tue 22-Apr-14 13:52:48

Tea. Good plan. Feel sick.

onlyjoking Tue 22-Apr-14 14:04:36

NHS time and our time are very different. If they say 3 hours they mean at least six. The waiting is awful, I hope you get news that it went very well very soon.

MegCleary Tue 22-Apr-14 14:06:29

You are allowed to be scared , weirdly if I am stressed I put on some comedy DVD and distract myself that way. Odd I know.

Flexiblefriend Tue 22-Apr-14 14:19:00

I'd second what onlyjoking said. DH had a fairly minor operation a year ago. They said it'd be a couple of hours, and it was at least double that. Not helped by him going back to a different ward to the one he was admitted to, so every time I rang no one knew where he was or if he was out of theatre yet. I was in bits, but it seemed pretty routine to the staff at the hospital.

oenophilia Tue 22-Apr-14 14:26:56

Have to pick the DDs up at 3.15. I said I'd leave a message with the school office at lunchtime to let them know everything was alright. Also have some random coming round to collect the old drum kit this afternoon. Have headache. Just been reading other threads to remind me that the world is still turning.

madwomanbackintheattic Tue 22-Apr-14 14:34:09

oeno - hoping all well. Have been in the same situation where I was told dh's op would be 3 hours and he was under for 6. Different op, but same kinda stress levels. It was all fine.

I am also hearing you on the 'least compassionate nurse in the world ever' concerns. Dh was on the neuro ward and was really frighteningly weak for a few days - at 5 days post-op they started talking about discharge, and he was still lying on bed sipping tea through a lidded cup. I told him he had to be able to drink without a lid and straw before he was allowed home...

Disclaimer - we now have a dd with cerebral palsy. She's allowed to use a lidded cup if she wants blush

Am sure it will be fine - there's the possibility that the op started late, or for whatever reason it's taking longer - these things aren't an exact science, and although it's hard to wait, am sure it's fine.

Fil had quad bypass five years ago and spends every winter skiing black runs. Dh and his brain surgery scars race him. <sigh>

Sorry - little distraction there, but you won't be able to think about anything else anyway xxx

oenophilia Tue 22-Apr-14 14:41:01

Call through!!! It took longer as he went in late, but more than that, the valve that they thought was slightly leaky was actually quite seriously leaky. so they've operated on that at the same time to repair it. Reckon he would have needed a second operation within six months otherwise. He'll be going through to ITU in a couple of hours. May be able to start breathing myself shortly.

Phew. brew cake

That's great news.

MegCleary Tue 22-Apr-14 14:52:40

Good to hear.

goshdarnit Tue 22-Apr-14 14:54:58

Another 'phew!' here!
Buy one get one free from the good old NHS!
You'll be seeing him soon xxx

ajandjjmum Tue 22-Apr-14 14:55:32

So glad he's this side of things - and that's great that they sorted out another potential problem in the one op.

Take care of yourself - forget the tea, straight for the brandy! smile

Jbck Tue 22-Apr-14 15:01:47

Just checked back in OP, good news go get your nails done tomorrow to replace the chewed ones.

A swift recovery to your DH.

onlyjoking Tue 22-Apr-14 15:14:59

Good that they have sorted out the problem identified and sorted something else too. You can now breathe. Hope his recovery is smooth.

oenophilia Tue 22-Apr-14 15:55:19

Thank you all for the handholding/distraction. Think my hair may now be entirely white. Children now all home from school and immersed in TV, homework and Lego. Will keep you updated. Now, fig roll or butter crunch?

Butter crunch. smile you must be exhausted. So, what happens now regarding recovery?

oenophilia Tue 22-Apr-14 16:28:33

Got sidetracked by a chocolate Bourbon. Boy, am I glad Lent is over. He's likely to stay in for about a week, so I'm hoping he'll be reasonably mobile by the time he comes home. Then it's the long, rehab slog. I'm lucky that I can do a lot of work from home and work are very understanding, but I am known for having the patience of a gnat grin so we'll see how that goes.

grimbletart Tue 22-Apr-14 16:52:20

So glad to hear oenophiia. You deserve a whole packet of bourbons. Waiting is so horrid isn't it? Hope all goes well and your DH is soon fighting fit. smile

oenophilia Tue 22-Apr-14 17:11:29

Just spoken to the ITU nurse who said he was beeping along nicely. They're gradually warming him up and will try to wake him later on. Will ring again before bed time.

Bearandcub Tue 22-Apr-14 17:40:33

Just checking in and thrilled to see he's doing well. Well done oeno, you've been very brave.

heronsfly Tue 22-Apr-14 18:42:22

Im glad his doing well smile I had a bypass five years ago, I stayed in 5 days and had to climb a flight of stairs before I could be discharged they seemed to go on for ever when I came home I was able to navigate the minefield that is my

Musicaltheatremum Tue 22-Apr-14 22:11:06

Glad all gone well and much better the valve was done now rather than the risk of a second anaesthetic.
Expect recovery to be slow, expect him to be tired but keep looking back to how much more he can do each week. You will get there. Don't try to rush it and remember having the bypass has given him a much better chance as he is now much less likely to have a heart attack.

Good luck to you both.

oenophilia Tue 22-Apr-14 22:51:50

just spoken to the unit again and he's off the ventilator and breathing for himself. I think I might - just might -sleep a bit better tonight. Dd's asleep, Ds's are doing that teenage boy go away mum I'll go to bed when I feel it's the right time crap. thanks all

ajandjjmum Tue 22-Apr-14 23:34:57

Have a good night - all of you!

bypass Wed 23-Apr-14 08:37:54

Splendid news, oenophilia. All the best with your DH's recovery.

I wouldn't worry too much about not being a nursey-wursey type - I'm not. It's about getting the practical stuff done, though there's a lot of it at first.

oenophilia Wed 23-Apr-14 17:17:57

Went in to see him this morning and he was quite chatty - for the little time he was awake! Very woozey but managing a tiny bit to eat. He's recorded a message to play to the children which I'll do when they're all home. He's got these brilliant automatic massaging ankle bandages. Really fancy some of those (or maybe it's just the with the feet up that I fancy...)

What what what? 'Massaging ankle bandages?' they sound fab. Perhaps he can sneak them home with him....

Good he's chatty and even thinking about eating. How are you feeling?

IamtheZombie Wed 23-Apr-14 18:58:08

Those massaging bandages are fabulous!! They're to help prevent deep vein thrombosis until you are able to be up and about following surgery.

How do they work Zombie? Are they mains or battery?

oenophilia Wed 23-Apr-14 19:48:32

I'm feeling comparatively up now thank you. Just had nice phone call from longstanding client of DHs which almost covered the distaste from an email from someone I don't get on with at work saying he's thinking of me (please don't!). DH managed to speak to the DCs on the phone and they want to know if he can be on those drugs when gets home as he sounded so funny. And the DCs have all eaten the lamb curry that I made for tea. Five people and one meal choice is a pretty rare event. I've got a little bit of work that needs doing now, then it'll be story time and hopefully I can grab a bath before watching mumbling Jamaica Inn propped up in bed with a glass. Massaging bandages would be the icing on the cake, though...

IamtheZombie Wed 23-Apr-14 19:50:00

Mains I think, Sparkling. They go around your ankle and calf and secured with velcro. They are then plugged in. I suppose it could be a battery pack they're connected to. You can't really see as it's all over the foot of the bed.

oenophilia Wed 30-Apr-14 18:31:23

Quick update: he's currently dozing on a chair in the garden (in the shade) having been discharged yesterday afternoon. Doing really well. We had a couple of nasty days (3 & 4) post op, but today we've managed our two five minute walks OK. Didn't sleep much last night - he was either groaning quietly (there's obviously still pain from the wound), or back to snoring (bugger). Or the worse times when my brain realised it couldn't hear anything and went into full panic mode - completely unnecessarily. Hopefully will be able to relax a bit more tonight. Otherwise my temporary considerate, helpful and supportive (very out of character) manner might start to fray!

Sounds all very good oenophilia, that week went very quickly. smile

HawnieGold Wed 30-Apr-14 22:50:59

I am so glad he is doing well thanks

hollyisalovelyname Sun 18-May-14 10:27:08

Oen How are you both doing?

japanesejean Sun 18-May-14 10:33:26

Hope your DH is continuing to improve and get his strength back OP smile brew thanks

hollyisalovelyname Tue 27-May-14 22:17:29

How are you doing OP?

oenophilia Thu 19-Jun-14 11:58:05

Just realised I hadn't been back to update people - sorry! Well he's gone back to work today. Just gently, mind. He'll do as much as possible from home and he went on the train rather than driving today, so that's sensible. Mainly he just looks and sounds so much better than he's been for years - he's lost a stone and a half (plenty left to go though) and is wearing a pedometer and trying to do 14000 paces a day. He's off the amiodorone - the really strong heart drug - and the paracetamol. A lovely elderly Jamaican lady at church last weekend who's not known for tact said to me that she'd never realised before that he was a handsome man. Made me think that I'd probably forgotten too. DS1 has finished his GCSEs and has decided that he will use these weeks to learn to cook, so we may need a it of finger crossing for that too, but not on quite the same scale. Thank you everyone for your support, it made a real difference x

BigBirdFlies Thu 19-Jun-14 12:34:28

That's excellent news.

I hope that work goes well for him today. If he's completely knackered, then he could think about doing half days for a few weeks. It really is just taking it at your own pace.

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