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I need massive handholding, please

(62 Posts)

I have 3 beautiful children DS 5y4m, DD1 3y8m and DD2 6 months.

All I can hear at the moment is DD2 screaming at DH as he tries to force her to take a bottle, because for the 2nd time in 3 years I have been told I have cancer.

In 2011 I was diagnosed with bowel cancer, it came as a complete shock, I had a grade 4 n0 tumour removed, 6 months of chemo and thought I was all clear. All my scans had shown I was all clear.

Since having DD2 I have lost a massive amount of weight (20kg), had persistent, explosive bowel movements and experienced bloating like I have never had.

After 2 colonoscopies, 2 endoscopes & 2 CT scans I have today been told that I have inoperable peritoneal disease ( a tumour in the abdominal lining causing an ulcer in my stomach) and liver metastases. It has taken 4 months for all these investigations.

My oncologist wants to start chemo as soon as possible.

I now face a future of chemo, uncertainty and the fear that I might not live to see my children grow up.

I have not namechanged for this as I use this name on twitter and my blog.

If you recognise me, I have not told all my family yet so please do not out me.

While I have been writing this DH has brought me a distraught DD2 and she is happily feeding.

I need help to wean her onto bottles - currently I am using boots wide necked with fast flow tears and cannot really afford to spend a lot trying different bottles.

I don't know what I am asking. Just I know you are not a nest of vipers and provide the amazing support you can.

Locketjuice Tue 15-Oct-13 17:04:47

sadthanks I'm so sorry xx

culturemulcher Tue 15-Oct-13 17:06:10

Oh gosh knitting I'm so, so, sorry. What a shock. Here's my hand. You hold on to it as hard and as long as you need.

Locketjuice Tue 15-Oct-13 17:07:07

I don't know what to say other than keep positive and strong! When you need to let it all out, do it, such an awful situation and so cruel! Xxx

Hand holding and hugs!

LittleMissWise Tue 15-Oct-13 17:08:16

I don't know what to say.

I am so,

Handholding and positive vibes from the

Thank you.

What truly sucks at the moment is I have the eminem song - Guess who's back, back again, going round and round my head!!

Rosa Tue 15-Oct-13 17:11:33

What a complete and horrible thing for you and your family to deal with. i wish you every luck in the world that you pull through this and you can see your children grow up.
As for bottles smaller teat ( holes) possibly. I used bottles as had to mix feed but it was 7 years ago and used The Browns one ( Dr Browns I think) but I am sure somebody can come on and advise. Can you shove a muslin or similar down your top so it gets your smell and then dh try again. Will dd accept a bottle from you ???
Wishing you love , luck and support.....

sewingandcakes Tue 15-Oct-13 17:12:36

That's awful, I'm so sorry.

I hope you can get dd2 onto bottles easily; things need to be as simple as possible for you now. We used the wide necked Tommee Tippee teats, and what about trying a beaker if she won't have a bottle?

My thoughts are with you and family.

supafish Tue 15-Oct-13 17:12:48

Sending you strength hun , and a massive cyber hug xxx

FunnysInLaJardin Tue 15-Oct-13 17:13:14

very sorry to hear your news Knitting. Wishing you strength at this difficult time thanks

aleene Tue 15-Oct-13 17:14:22

I'm so sorry you have had bad news. Sending you all best wishes.

Rotterwallah Tue 15-Oct-13 17:14:54

Shit. I'm so sorry sad

On the practical front at 6 months could you just use a beaker? Both mine went straight onto those basic tommy tippee ones from the boob

Good luck flowers

Mama1980 Tue 15-Oct-13 17:15:31

I'm so sorry. Here's my hand to hold anytime.
Sending strength x

ThePuffyShirt Tue 15-Oct-13 17:25:17

Really sorry to read this. Wishing you strength.

grimbletart Tue 15-Oct-13 17:31:58

So sorry knitting. Please talk to us any time. Another hand to hold. thanks

TeaAndSconesTwice Tue 15-Oct-13 17:35:26

So, so sorry to read this knitting, big hugs to you & your family hmm x

kelda Tue 15-Oct-13 17:38:32

So sorry to hear thisflowers

rotterwaller hadn't thought of that, have loads of beakers from the others so it's worth a shot.

Can you give warm drinks in them?

I've also got a couple of doidy cups maybe I'll try those too. Thank you

ohmeohmyforgotlogin Tue 15-Oct-13 17:48:49

So sorry to hear what you are going through. I do massage for cancer care, pm me if I can do anything for you.

Lilymaid Tue 15-Oct-13 17:52:13

Come and chat with the Tamoxifen Gang - we are very nice and supportive and by no means only breast cancer patients.

Rotterwallah Tue 15-Oct-13 18:19:03

Yes, just warm milk is fine, obviously give it a hood shake and try it first.

I had a bit of a mental block about it because they can't do that long, deep sucking into sleep but for dd the novelty of the beaker won over and before she knew it she'd had enough milk to sate her, then a nice warm cuddle. Job done.

Worth a go

malteserzz Tue 15-Oct-13 18:27:06

Like lily I was going to say come over to the tamoxifen thread, we have all different types of cancer at various stages, lots of us have young children and so we do understand

MegaClutterSlut Tue 15-Oct-13 20:48:56

Really sorry to hear that op, another handhold thanks

Theonlyoneiknow Tue 15-Oct-13 21:31:09

Handhold too from Scotland x

DS refused a bottle and eventually I managed to get him to take it by pouring just boiler water on the teat and letting it cool a little but so it was warm like a nipple.


anothernamechangerreally Tue 15-Oct-13 21:51:12

Hand holding from here too. I looked on your blog and saw that you are local to me, if you ever need anything, support, tea, whatever, just let me know. I cAn't imagine what you are going through.

poorincashrichinlove Tue 15-Oct-13 21:59:40

So sorry...thinking about you and sending you virtual hugs, healing & sympathy xxx

Morepeasplease Wed 16-Oct-13 08:06:39

The bottle I had success with is called Breastflow. The teat is in two parts, the outer part is very soft a bit like a boob with a hard teat in side. When the baby sucks the milk flows between the two layers and sort of squirts out a bit like when your milk lets down. It is supposed to be the bottle that best mimics breastfeeding. I got one from mothercare but amazon do them too. £7.99 for one bottle. I only bought one to see if it worked and found that once my babies could drink from this they would drink from any old bottle.

toffeelolly Wed 16-Oct-13 09:04:12

Knitting thinking of you. x

shewhowines Wed 16-Oct-13 09:24:28

Lots of positive energy coming your way. thanks

Matildathecat Wed 16-Oct-13 10:13:15

Dreadful news. I hope you will be able to tell your family soon and have their support.

Regarding feeding, can I add a slightly different opinion? I think babies of this age still need to suck. Almost every baby will take a bottle with a little perseverance. Maybe your HV could advise if you're having problems.

My very best wishes to you and your family.

helzapoppin2 Wed 16-Oct-13 11:45:04

Love and hugs to you.

anothernamechangerreally that might be nice! I don't think I know any other mner's

Little update my DM is here as I am going for a blood transfusion ( or new blood as DD1 keeps calling it) tomorrow and DD2 has taken 3 oz of formula from her.

This relieves some of my fear as next week chemo starts, we now just need to switch to all FF.

lunar1 Wed 16-Oct-13 16:32:10

Sorry to here your news. Glad you have your dm for support.

Orianne Wed 16-Oct-13 16:38:34

Hand holding too x

youarewinning Wed 16-Oct-13 16:44:52

So sorry to hear this thanks

As for bottles I had ones for DS with different flows depending on which bit of the teat was facing the top!

roguepixie Wed 16-Oct-13 16:47:47

So sorry to hear this. I am thinking of you and holding your hand as tightly as I can.

mistyshouse Wed 16-Oct-13 16:50:36

so sorry to read this

<holds hand>


Hippymama Wed 16-Oct-13 16:53:50

So sorry to read this xxx

iHeartTheoJames Wed 16-Oct-13 16:57:14

Holding your hand, sending you oodles and caboodles of love and strength xxx

Plus3 Wed 16-Oct-13 16:57:59

Consider your hand held x
So many good suggestions for weaning from breast bottle. Good luck

PoshPenny Wed 16-Oct-13 17:05:12

I wish you the very best of luck knittingnovice xxx

Mrscaindingle Wed 16-Oct-13 17:22:49

So sorry to hear this, makes the pity party I've been having today seem a bit petty.

More hand holding and thanks

hamncheese Wed 16-Oct-13 17:26:01

So sorry.

Breastflow bottles will be your saviour. DS refused to 7 months and these worked. I know three other mum friends who they worked for too. They are not too expensive on amazon, so you could try one and see - good luck.

Stay strong

chartreuse Wed 16-Oct-13 17:59:34

I'm so sorry to read this Knitting, wishing you all the luck in the world x

Shellywelly1973 Wed 16-Oct-13 18:08:53

So so sorry... Sending you love, hugs & strength. X

newpup Wed 16-Oct-13 18:21:23

I am sorry. I wish you the best and hope you find strength from all the support on here.

mrsblakey Wed 16-Oct-13 19:49:14

knitting - big hugs from me .
You sound so strong even though you probably dont feel it .Wishing you tons of luck on your journey xxxxx

ps am following you on pinterest as another crafty novice !!

Manchesterhistorygirl Wed 16-Oct-13 19:50:46

I'm so sorry to hear your news and can offer you no practical advice, but can offer you cyber hugs.

out2lunch Wed 16-Oct-13 19:54:12

sending a hug and best wishes x

TerrorTremor Wed 16-Oct-13 20:04:55

I'm so sorry to hear about your diagnosis.

I honestly don't know what to say but I am so glad you have a loving, supportive family around you. I am sure that will make a massive difference.

From the start DD has been on Philip's bottles as she's been mixed fed. Sometimes it is a bit harder the further along they are but in general it helps if they are fed by someone who isn't you - though this can vary baby to baby.

I'd try a doidy cup or a beaker as your daughter is the same age as mine and is just onto those now.

I hope your partner can help you with the children and with weaning DD2 and giving you a bit of time to relax if you have to, as can imagine all the intensive therapy and medication is physically and emotionally exhausting.

Hand to hold if you need it and feel free to post any time with your feelings, sometimes it's very therapeutic. As someone has mentioned above their are a few threads for those with cancer from the diagnosis to treatment to readmission.

Thinking of you at this less than pleasant time. flowers

BreastmilkDoesAFabLatte Wed 16-Oct-13 20:10:54

Sending all my love. I am so so sorry to hear the cancer is back.

Your blog is so beautifully written..

difficultpickle Wed 16-Oct-13 20:11:12

Sending you hugs and strength and best wishes xxx

Pancakeflipper Wed 16-Oct-13 20:16:39

You must just reeling there Knitting.
I am so sorry.

I hope your treatment starts soon and your body and mind is super strong.

And obviously make use of the support you will have on here. We will be practical, listen, hold your hand etc.

giraffesCantGoGuising Wed 16-Oct-13 20:45:22


PolyesterBride Wed 16-Oct-13 20:53:10

I had to fo the same as you when I got breast cancer when DD2 was 8 months. She always refused to take a bottle and so we just tried the basic tommee tippee beakers. She took a little bit the first night, then a bit more the second and so on until she was happily having all her milk from a beaker. As your dd is 6 months, I am guessing she is starting solids so is probably having water from a beaker? So no need to get her used to two different types of drink if you just don't bother with the bottles.

It really broke my heart to have to wean her so suddenly but apart from a few screamy nights she was absolutely fine. She just seemed to forget about breast feeding after a while.

I am sorry for what you are going through. But you know that once you get on the treatment conveyer belt, the routine of all the appointments etc will take over. Best of luck for it all x

Mrsmindcontrol Wed 16-Oct-13 20:53:52

Massive amounts of love & luck from me. You & your darling children will be in my thoughts xxx

MissStrawberry Wed 16-Oct-13 21:00:38

I am so sorry you are going through this.

You sound so strong.

My children were able to take the Avent bottle with the teats that had the bumps on and then the easiflow cup from about 6months. We tried with a cup from then for fun with water and a bit of milk sometimes but carried on BF and then formula. All very gradual and they did get the hang on it. This was a few years ago though so there are probably new things to try now.

anothernamechangerreally Wed 16-Oct-13 21:56:57

The offer is there knitting smile
The support on here is great but sometimes real life tea and unmumsnetty hugs are good too!

FoxPass Wed 16-Oct-13 22:55:59

Oh I am so sorry you are facing this again sad what a dreadful situation.

if you feel inclined to read up a bit around diet (you mentioned dropping gluten on your blog) and how it can help against cancer - google Kris Carr, author of Crazy Sexy Cancer, and Polly Noble, author of The Cancer Journey. both women are facing cancer with grit and grace and have used diet to help themselves.and reading what they have done might help you?

offering a virtual hand to hold and a hug. I hope you are managing ok day to day whilst also trying to process the diagnosis.

mrsblakey Fri 18-Oct-13 19:59:12

knitting just wondering how you are doing following your transfusion ?

big hugs xxxxx

Matildathecat Sun 20-Oct-13 11:40:13

Thinking of you and hope you are as ok as possible.

Thank you for all the messages, DD2 is happily taking bottles from my DM at the moment so news to get her to take them from me now.

The blood transfusion was great, because I took dd2 I got a private room. But since friday I have been really itchy which resulted in a visit to out of hours last night as I am having an allergic reaction to something but don't know whether it is the blood, tramadol, cocodamol or something else.

Am mentally preparing myself for next week and 4 days of nhs. Tomorrow I will have to give dd2 her first bottle out and about.

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