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Open for tea in Teacake Towers

(228 Posts)
tunnocksteacake Tue 15-Oct-13 13:17:27

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tunnocksteacake Tue 15-Oct-13 13:17:55

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tunnocksteacake Tue 15-Oct-13 13:59:37

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LittleTulip Tue 15-Oct-13 14:08:44

I would love some cake thank you. Unfortunately I am pretty crap at linking the old threads do will leave that to someone else.

Wowsers at Mr. Tunnocks passing the 1K km mark on his bike! And it is good to see you are functioning as a family. Happy Birthday to little Tunnocks too.

In my prayers as always thanks

ClockWatchingLady Tue 15-Oct-13 14:44:25

Hello Tunnocks!
That all sounds rather fab. As do all the Tunnockses.
Brilliant about the 1k - very very impressed.

I have never linked before, but will attempt it now:

I'm bringing carrot cake, by the way, and strong coffee.

Thank you so much for the update. Really pleased you've been having such good times.

LordElpuz Tue 15-Oct-13 20:38:36

Lemon cake for me and I'd love to hear more about Cotswold Water Park, please smile

tunnocksteacake Tue 15-Oct-13 23:12:56

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Popping on by teacake.

Congratulations to Mr T for the 1000 miles. I hope his ass didn't suffer like mine does after 20 mins on a bike. Why?

I'll have a Yorkshire tea please. I'll come armed with an apricot and marzipan loaf to try and reduce the bother.

Missed thread 3 but have been thinking of you lots. I love the Cotswold Water Park. Glad you got a wee break. Shame about the tablets. But you drove there and back three times. grin You're epic.

Will be sending love and light the way of Brizzel and your way for Monday.

Was just wondering how you were doing. Thanks for update.

Hoping all remains positive and the radiotherapy does it's thing.

Tunnocks! How gorgeous to see you. I'm so pleased for your DH reaching his 1k goal and seriously impressed.

Can I contribute a fruit salad? A really lovely one with mango and berries and a dash of champagne? It's just that I'm desperately trying to watch the old waistline watch it? It's disappeared completely!!!

I hope DH is responding to treatment and I love hearing about your busy family life full of friends and loved ones.

Very happy birthday to DD x

I'm not sure whether to post this part or not... but I'm gambling on the fact that it might help to know that your awful nightmare has had one teeny, tiny, small good influence on a completely random stranger...

I quit smoking in June - for good I hope. The past 3 weeks have been a bit totally stressful for various reasons and at one point I was SORELY tempted to reach for a fag. And TBH one of the things that truly helped me was your beautifully written posts. I thought of you, and your wonderful DH, and felt humbled, and the craving passed. So a huge thank you. It really did help.

If I have miscalculated and this doesn't help at all and you are sitting there thinking "What an enormous wanker" please let me know and I will ask for this to be deleted.

Good to see the new thread and read about your functioning family. Bloody well done smile Just keep on going.

minmooch Wed 16-Oct-13 11:42:56

Hi Tunnocks good to see you sounding upbeat. Can I bring some apple and almond pudding cake to the table?

Glad to hear your DH has been out and about on his bike. Hope radiotherapy side effects are not too bad for him.

Keep strong and sending much love as always xxxx

magimedi Wed 16-Oct-13 12:34:44

I'm puting some cheese scones down on the table - good to have a savoury!

Lovely to hear from you - I think of you all every day.

ClockWatchingLady Wed 16-Oct-13 13:37:00

Hope today's going well, Tunnocks, and you're enjoying that amazing-sounding lemon cake.

Sorry for the poor wording in my previous message. Really pleased to hear about all the great things you've been doing. Thinking of you all today X

greenhill Wed 16-Oct-13 13:53:59

Glad to hear your DH managed the 1000k this year. That is seriously good.

I have tiramisu, but like the sound of all that cake, scones and Yorkshire brew

Happy birthday to your DD, hope you have a great birthday weekend before the radiotherapy starts flowers

tunnocksteacake Wed 16-Oct-13 17:59:00

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tunnocksteacake Wed 16-Oct-13 18:03:04

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Lovely to see you Tunnocks and thanks for the cake!!
Have baked some shortbread biscuits so will share those round xx

Have thought of you and yours often, glad you are making the best of things in as much as you can.

You and the rest of the tea cakes sound fantastic x

Tunnocks - it's not horrid at all to feel angry with dh about this. It would be horrid to continually punish him for it or leave him because of it and we all know you aren't going to do those things. Anger is a normal reaction to a massive change imposed upon you. Most of the time you're probably angry with the tumour alone but after all it's located in his head. He's going to come in to a side swipe sometimes.
If we pinned him down and made him tell us we'd probably find he sometimes feels angry with you and with everybody who loves him because they don't have cancer. It's just a very hard thing to deal with and life is not a movie where people react in an airbrushed way. This is a tough time for both of you. It's also a hopeful time and a loving time and a time that I 100% believe you will both look back at in 20 years time and think 'how did we do that'. I DO know how serious this is but I am NOT writing him off. Can I win with you please? smile

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt Wed 16-Oct-13 18:26:56

You're not horrid Teacakes, just human. I think we naturally look to lay blame at someone's feet. But the important thing is you know that once the heat of the moment is over, you're being irrational and that you don't really mean it.

minmooch Wed 16-Oct-13 19:03:14

Oh Tunnocks you are only human, anger is justifiable. And yes you can be angry at your DH because you (and we) know how much you love your DH and it is anger at the cancer that is the real target.

I don't go out much these days or talk to people for the very same reason - no one can say anything right to me and I'm tired of pretending it's all ok. I hate protecting other people from the crass things they inadvertently say because I'm just so tired of it all. Tired of worry, tired of hospitals, tired of faking good humour, tired of seeing my poor DS so tired all the time. No one really understands and I get that too - but that makes me cross and tired too!

It's a looooong journey and it's a relief (to me anyway) to have this place where I can be honest and say it as it is. I don't need to protect my cyber friends here!

Fear, anger, worry, hope, excitement, desperation, numbness - I feel all of these probably at some point every day.

Big hugs.

tunnocksteacake Wed 16-Oct-13 22:03:56

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ClockWatchingLady Thu 17-Oct-13 10:46:40

grin an excellent and very important lesson from a big brother.

As others have said (much more eloquently), Tunnocks, you feel what you feel. There is no wrong feeling, especially under circumstances like this.

Hope today is going well.

tunnocksteacake Thu 17-Oct-13 11:37:14

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tunnocksteacake Thu 17-Oct-13 11:37:59

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mummylin Thu 17-Oct-13 15:43:57

Sending you hope and good vibes from Dorset.

Signing in for a slice of cake if there is any left.

Lovely to hear you sounding more positive and great news on all the driving.

National Trust properties are great places for a good cry.

scarecrow22 Thu 17-Oct-13 21:38:38

Marking my place for cake and tea... oh, and any hand-holding, night-feed-chat or whatever. Or just to be here.

Go DH and his cycling!

lborolass Thu 17-Oct-13 22:02:29

Just found you again, so glad that you sound more positive and great news about the 1000k on the bike. Keep on pedalling

out2lunch Fri 18-Oct-13 13:37:29

lovely to hear how you are x enjoy the birthday celebrations at the weekend

Andro Fri 18-Oct-13 15:17:06

Tunnocks, you're finding a way to get through each day...that's victory right now.

<drops off double chocolate tray bake>

I hope your DD had a good birthday.

spatchcock Fri 18-Oct-13 15:58:53

Hey Tunnocks, lovely Tunnocks. Hope you have something nice planned for the weekend.

Am sending you love and a virtual piece of Nigella's Malteaser traybake x

tunnocksteacake Fri 18-Oct-13 18:02:15

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tunnocksteacake Fri 18-Oct-13 18:03:01

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tunnocksteacake Fri 18-Oct-13 21:34:38

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tunnocksteacake Fri 18-Oct-13 21:35:58

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tunnocksteacake Fri 18-Oct-13 21:44:50

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mummylin Fri 18-Oct-13 21:55:40

Tunnocks I think it is a natural thing to be scared of the unknown. But try to think of dh,s tablets as being a positive thing. Those tablets are the hope for the future. Wishing your DH all the best as his treatment begins. Have a good party for your little one tomorrow.

out2lunch Sat 19-Oct-13 01:16:17

smile at the winkies

nemno Sat 19-Oct-13 11:38:37

All the best for a lovely birthday party today tunnocks. You are doing really well keeping the normal family roadshow going. Much love x

Hope the party is a roaring success.

beatofthedrum Sat 19-Oct-13 20:11:17

I so hope you enjoy your daughter's birthday.

tunnocksteacake Sun 20-Oct-13 14:10:38

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tunnocksteacake Sun 20-Oct-13 14:11:50

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mummylin Sun 20-Oct-13 14:21:12

Well done to your dh on his cycling achievements. I wish him the best for his treatment. Glad the party went well, would love to see the pictures. That's a strange time to have a hospital apt, I thought they were all during the day ! Will be thinking of you all

Nocakeformeplease Sun 20-Oct-13 22:01:55

Hi Teacakes - I'm so glad that DD and DS enjoyed her birthday and hope you are bearing up. Good luck for Mr T's radiotherapy tomorrow. DS finished an 8 day course on Thursday, fortunately apart from a bit of mild sickness he didn't seem to suffer too badly from the side effects.

I think of you often and am always here if you need to vent xx

tunnocksteacake Sun 20-Oct-13 23:17:18

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tunnocksteacake Sun 20-Oct-13 23:19:49

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LittleTulip Sun 20-Oct-13 23:31:29


I think you should definitely create a profile so we can see pics of your lovely daughter at her party. It sounds great.

Sorry to hear about the inconvenience of the chemotherapy, but hey needs must! It may not be so difficult getting a farmhouse to rent? I'm not very helpful am I?

All the best to Mr. Tunnocks for tomorrow.


mummylin Sun 20-Oct-13 23:33:16

Maybe somone on here who lives in that area could help you, you know there will always be someone to help. Start a thread calling for mumsnet tears in Scotland and mark it Urgent . Good luck

mummylin Sun 20-Oct-13 23:34:10

Mumsnet. Tears = mumsnetters

tunnocksteacake Sun 20-Oct-13 23:48:56

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tunnocksteacake Sun 20-Oct-13 23:50:31

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tunnocksteacake Mon 21-Oct-13 00:04:28

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mummylin Mon 21-Oct-13 00:04:58

Oh sorry I thought you wanted somewhere in Scotland. Where did you want in particular ? How far down south

tunnocksteacake Mon 21-Oct-13 00:18:32

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PrivatePeaceful Mon 21-Oct-13 00:20:26

Oh Tunnocks, no wonder you feel this way. Are you able to move both appointments to the new year? It sounds like this week away with the family would be a much needed medicine for you all.

What is keeping your dd awake at night?

tunnocksteacake Mon 21-Oct-13 00:40:21

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mummylin Mon 21-Oct-13 01:05:41

Tunnocks can any of us help you to try and find somewhere to stay ?

tunnocksteacake Mon 21-Oct-13 02:14:11

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mummylin Mon 21-Oct-13 02:29:01

I quite understand why you want to change the dates.You want an unbroken family time Christmas together, without the intrusion of hospital.

mummylin Mon 21-Oct-13 02:38:00

I am off now but do ask if we can help out Re accommodation , hope all goes well for your DH today.

mynameisnotmichaelcaine Mon 21-Oct-13 04:33:13

Sounds sensible. Hope you're all asleep now.

LittleTulip Mon 21-Oct-13 10:14:09

Yes, if the appointments are not core chemotherapy sessions and just meetings it is definitely not unreasonable for you to ask to change them. Or you could compromise and have the one on the 23rd, just before Christmas but try and move the 27th one for the new year.

I guess the apprehension of first chemotherapy session today is also making you restless. How long is the session for?

Do let us know what/if we can do anything for you.

tunnocksteacake Mon 21-Oct-13 13:22:41

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greenhill Mon 21-Oct-13 13:33:55

You probably know that logically the chemo and radiotherapy will be helping to treat your DH, but you are probably worried that the side effects are the worst thing he will experience and make him really ill.

The worst thing has already happened tunnocks : that was the tumour.

You have to try and convince yourself that the treatment is a positive thing. Difficult though it is to get through.

I'm so impressed by your resilience. You are doing normal family things, and haven't collapsed in a heap. You are a tower of strength. You are brilliant. You can do this and come through the other end flowers

tunnocksteacake Mon 21-Oct-13 13:41:46

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tunnocksteacake Mon 21-Oct-13 13:46:59

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tunnocksteacake Mon 21-Oct-13 13:54:52

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Dutchoma Mon 21-Oct-13 13:55:48

So many people are praying for you and your dh Tunnocks Don't underestimate the power of God; it is awesome.

tunnocksteacake Mon 21-Oct-13 14:00:10

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ClockWatchingLady Mon 21-Oct-13 14:01:33

Hi Tunnocks.

So very sorry that things are so very hard. And sorry about all the stress related to appointments/Christmas, and the sleep problems, on top of everything else.

Sending you hope and light with all my might.

DD sounds simply lovely (big happy birthday to DD for Saturday too, and I am lost for words to express how incredible all these things you're managing to do sound).


greenhill Mon 21-Oct-13 14:02:25

Uncertainty about the future is a horrible pressure to be under, naturally you are focussing on the next thing, but try and live in the present and not think too far ahead. Especially if it is making you apprehensive <easier said than done though>

I'm sure that hug from DD is better than anything else in the world at this very moment. They just smell so delicious when they've been sleeping don't they?

We're watching Something Special too, but DS is rolling in soft toys on the floor...

Tunnocks!! I found you! {hugs}

Good luck for this afternoon's first session - I hope it all goes well.

Of course you are angry - I know I'd be. DH is just a 'convenient' target - how dare he disrupt your lovely life like that? I know that is what it feels like even when the rational part of your brain knows this is in no way his fault.

You feel what you feel and all these feelings are valid.
It's how you express them that matters.

Birthday party sounded ace smile - I hope DD appreciated the anatomically correct card animals grin.

Pants re Christmas - is it worthwhile talking about the treatment schedule with the hospital? I have no idea how rigid these schedules are.
A big a cottage in the Borders are you thinking of - I could do a bit of a search for you??

Ah crap, I missed a whole page of this thread.

You are doing so well and you are doing so much for your DH as well. Imagine being him without you - it'd be SO much worse.

Plan for the worst, hope for the best. If you can manage, that is a good way to keep going.

Hugs to you all x.

thanks For you and your family.

I was so angry with my Mum for being ill for so many years, I think it's normal because you're yearning for a 'normal' life so you get cross.

I would say good luck for the radiotherapy but that's not the right words, I hope it is uneventful and as smooth as can be.

I think you have every right to say no to the appointments at Christmas.

My son has a chronic lung illness that is life shortening greatly, I was so worried about being available for everything in regards to appointments but eventually I had to stand my ground and say no to ones that I couldn't attend or ones that would cause upset or unnecessary upheaval for the family, if it's not urgent treatment, we don't agree to appointments over the week of Christmas.

I'm thinking of you and sending you strength.

bassetfeet Mon 21-Oct-13 14:21:13

You are an absolute diamond tunnocks and coping so very very well
Totally understand the lack of hope feeling during the dark hours of night is the pits . But dawn rises and you look after your lovely family so beautifully. Your love shines flowers.

The appointment for the 23rd december I suspect will be the 6 week post radiotherapy check Tunnocks. Radiotherapy continues to work for a while after daily treatment finishes so the docs wait 6 weeks to assess any side effects etc. You will not have bad news on that visit my love. So if you want to change that appt then no harm done

Your DH is starting treatment as a fit man and that will help hugely re side effects . There is medication for any that MAY occur. As the treatment progresses he may well get tired so dont be alarmed by that if you can. Just go with the flow and sleep when he needs to .
Somehow you will both get into a routine although it seems such a long time to endure at the moment. Truly it does xx
The staff are great and do understand how devastated you both are . Get whatever support you can my lovely is out there . hope you have a specialist nurse attached to the medical team ?

RE christmas will have your family wonderful time . Can you leave the finding of accommodation to other family members?
At last resort could they book into a travel lodge type of place ?
It does make sense I think to have the family come to you instead of you travelling north . You all together with your little ones and your DH if he is tired still can sneak off for a nap. [and with you ].

Thinking of you so very often ...........if I can help in any way I am here holding your hands .

SurvivalOfTheUnfittest Mon 21-Oct-13 14:34:29

Found you again Tunnocks. I totally agree with you about changing the appointments. If the two are with different people, they probably haven't even realised how the dates fall. I have found with my ds1 and 2 that I have had to become s family key worker and manage appointments etc.. so that it all works for us. It's an extra thing to do on top of everything else (and if you recall, I undestsnd the energy ththe is is all requiring) but it does make it work better for the family. Keep on keeping on, one day and small step at a time.

bassetfeet Mon 21-Oct-13 14:55:58

Huge apologies Tunnocks. Didn't do my sums right re 6 week check. sorry.

Dutchoma Mon 21-Oct-13 17:52:35

Yes, that Tunnocks And v 14 as well.

lborolass Mon 21-Oct-13 19:12:17

Did you have any luck with changing the appointments? I don't have much experience with hospitals but maybe there is some flexibility and you can push them forward a week or so.

If you could give some idea of the area you'd be looking for accommodation in we could do a mass MN search and see if we can find anywhere.

Thinking of you and your DH this evening thanks

Magnificent psalm there.

I think you're quite right to change the appointments. Christmas is tii important for you to have that hanging over you.

I hope dh gets on well today.

Tunnocks, I believe in the God who made mountains, who created the skin on my fingerprints so that nobody else has skin quite like that, who so loved us - you and me - that He sent His Son to die for us. Dutchoma is right. God is AWESOME. Praying everyday for you and dh smile

tunnocksteacake Mon 21-Oct-13 22:06:22

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We have to be at the hospital for 9am for DH's camera up the bum. 2 horses to muck out and a dog to walk first. Early night here then!

Toilet roll et al will keep you grounded in the Here and Now fwiw grin.

Glad to hear his first treatment went well.
Watch out for the dreaded radiotherapy fatigue towards the end of treatment.

I hope your littleteacake will stay in be and you all get a restful night's sleep x.

Dutchoma Mon 21-Oct-13 22:23:32

Thank you for the update. thanks

out2lunch Mon 21-Oct-13 22:40:11

good luck and best wishes for tomorrow x

bassetfeet Mon 21-Oct-13 22:45:36

ah yes random appt times . It happens sadly. Lots of the appts are set by ambulance morning and afternoon delivery times eg 10am and 2pm . Those who have own transport are fit in around that. But if it is a problem tell the radiographers my love . They will try to make appt best for your needs. x

you are a wonderful lady the psalm . hug to you both x

Paddlinglikehell Tue 22-Oct-13 01:17:58

Hi Tunnocks, just caught up after a while away, good to see you hanging in there. I am totally gobsmacked you drove from yours to Cotswolds, last time I dipped in, you were having refresher lessons!

As they say in the States 'way to go', not my normal phraseology, but appropriate for the circumstances.

minmooch Tue 22-Oct-13 08:14:10

Hope DH remains well through radiotherapy. Be prepared (as much as you can) for the fatigue. When it hits it literally knocks them off their feet. Your DH being so fit at the start of treatment will help him massively.

tunnocksteacake Tue 22-Oct-13 09:57:27

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tunnocksteacake Tue 22-Oct-13 09:59:34

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mummylin Tue 22-Oct-13 10:53:51

Glad to see that your DH came home full of beans. How long does he have to take the chemo tablets for ? Good for him on his cycling and it gives him something else to focus on too. Look after yourself as well as everyone else.

tunnocksteacake Tue 22-Oct-13 10:59:25

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mummylin Tue 22-Oct-13 11:03:50

Quite time consuming but worth it. I hope your DH continues to cope with his treatment well although I expect he will get fed up at times, perfectly understandable.
I wish I had a Morrissons near me, I am always reading about their good deals.hope your little one soon recovers from whatever is ailing her.

mynameisnotmichaelcaine Tue 22-Oct-13 12:52:50

Aww, hope DD is better soon.

Cycling in this weather is not my idea of fun, but how wonderful for your dh to be able to add to his mileage. My DH cycles 18 miles a day (to and from the station on his way to work). I think he's an absolute nutter, but it certainly keeps him trim, and it means I get to use the car (although I don't use it very often as I hate driving with a passion).

Thinking of you for the road ahead.

Jenny70 Tue 22-Oct-13 13:05:54

Poor DD, hope she fights it off soon and sleeps better.

Well done to Mr Tunnocks on the cycling. We have a friend recently diagnosed with leukemia who is a mad cyclist. His highlight during his isolation ward stay in the hospital was my DH mentioning he might be thinking of getting a new bike, so the friend had to start researching new bikes for him from his hospital bed! He also has been cycling on a wind trainer in the hospital with the chemo drip attached (he has 2 weeks at a time in the isolation ward getting chemo)!! And getting into the real cycling as soon as he's been released from hosp. The dr is amazed at how well his body is taking the chemo etc, and friend puts it down to his cycling.... even if it is less than pre-sickness.

Jollyb Tue 22-Oct-13 18:17:03

Tunnocks please don't stress about the Christmas week appointments.

As Bassetfeet said the appointment is probably a routine post radiotherapy review. They may also be wanting to check that he has recovered enough from the radiotherapy to restart chemotherapy (with this type of treatment there is usually a break off chemo for a few weeks after radiotherapy).

Neither of these have to take place on a set day and I would be really surprised if his oncology team weren't happy for these to be changed so you can spend Christmas week together.

Tell your DH to ask his doctors about this when he next sees them.

Thinking of you all.

Aw, here's hoping that your DD feels better v soon smile

Well done to your DH for all his cycling - he should keep going for the sense of normality if nothing else.

Thinking of you all daily x.

ClockWatchingLady Fri 25-Oct-13 10:52:28

Hope radiotherapy, cycling, swimming, trips to Morrisons, cuddles with DD (who I hope is better?), pains au chocolat puddings(?) and the like are all going well. Thinking of you all, as ever, Tunnocks.

sybilfaulty Fri 25-Oct-13 11:26:15

Found you! Hope you are doing as well as possible in the circs. You are being amazingly strong for your family. Be kind to yourself.

Sending love and prayers your way.

mummylin Fri 25-Oct-13 11:32:58

Here's hoping that you and your Dh have had a good few days and that his treatment was bearable for him

Still thinking of you all.

Dutchoma Sat 26-Oct-13 09:24:49

And praying...

RubyrooUK Sat 26-Oct-13 21:01:22

Tunnocks - I found you. I lost your new thread. Just here to say hi really. It sounds like your DH is doing amazing work with his cycling. Thinking of you. X

FutTheShuckUp Sat 26-Oct-13 23:58:42

Just adding my thoughts and best wishes as always

LittleTulip Sun 27-Oct-13 00:04:24

Thinking of you

Thinking of you Tunnocks xx

Hoping you are all having a nice family weekend x.

ClockWatchingLady Mon 28-Oct-13 11:27:59

Hi Tunnocks. Thinking of you and your family. Hope the weekend went well.

sybilfaulty Mon 28-Oct-13 19:45:50

How's it going, lovely Tunnocks?

I hope you are not too windy out in the west. We were not supposed to have as much in London yet several trees have blown down.

Thinking of you and yours XXXX

mummylin Thu 31-Oct-13 00:17:03

Thinking of you Tunnocks family, I hope DH,s treatment is going ok and he is coping with his treatment. Dd you manage to sort out the hospital visits over Xmas and have you sorted the accommodation problem ?

Thinking of you, Tunnocks, and all the Teacakes x.

greenhill Sun 03-Nov-13 09:49:14

Sending happy and hopeful thoughts on a beautiful autumn day x

scarecrow22 Sun 03-Nov-13 10:12:41

if you still like reading stories of hope, Dean Stoneham has returned to GP2 motor racing in incredible style after recovering from v bad odds

story here

out2lunch Sun 03-Nov-13 15:31:02

sending best wishes to you all x

tunnocksteacake Mon 04-Nov-13 20:36:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Update as and when it is helpful for you, I mean if it helps to offload or even just sort out your own thoughts by writing them down. You know you don't owe us anything.

Keep warm - we had the first ground frost last night x.

minmooch Thu 07-Nov-13 14:08:33

Just thinking of you Tunnocks. Hope you are having non eventful days.

Anxiety is building in our household as MRI in 12 days to see if DS' palliative care chemo is holding his tumour at bay. 12 days until his 18th birthday - none of it is fair at all.

Sending you love xx

tunnocksteacake Thu 07-Nov-13 20:17:43

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tunnocksteacake Thu 07-Nov-13 20:18:35

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Oh, tunnocks, I don't know what to say.

Sending you strength and hope - I sincerely hope it arrives.

V positive vibes going to minmooch and clan too - you are right, it is not fair.

RubyrooUK Thu 07-Nov-13 21:18:23

Oh Tunnocks. I don't know what to say, so let me send you virtual hugs. And some to Minmooch too. I know this isn't the world's most useful post, but I am thinking of you both. X

mynameisnotmichaelcaine Fri 08-Nov-13 20:41:21

That's beyond crap. Thinking of you, and you mooch.

sybilfaulty Sat 09-Nov-13 07:07:36

OH Tunnocks. That is so ghastly for you. I am so sorry. Thinking of you all. Much love XXXX

Minmooch, sending good thoughts to you and your boy too.

Tunnocks sorry to read your dad is having a tough time too. Will be oraying for all of you and for you Minmooch too.

5% is enough Tunnocks. That's what I'm praying about and in 20 years time you'll be able to tell me that.

tunnocksteacake Sat 09-Nov-13 22:39:11

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tunnocksteacake Sat 09-Nov-13 22:42:43

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Oh, tunnocks, no words, just hugs x.

There will be light. Maybe not the one you expected or wanted. But you will go on.

tunnocksteacake Sat 09-Nov-13 22:48:22

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tunnocksteacake Sat 09-Nov-13 22:49:48

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tunnocksteacake Sat 09-Nov-13 22:50:28

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tunnocksteacake Sat 09-Nov-13 22:52:54

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tunnocksteacake Sat 09-Nov-13 22:53:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

You need to stop beating yourself up, tunnocks, seriously (see, now you provoked my into 'words' and I know they don't actually change a single thing).
Stop being so hard on yourself, you did not cause this, you are not failing in any way, it is not in your power to stop it from happening sad.

The best chance for 'peace' for you is to find a way to accept that this is happening and living in the here and now. I may have quoted this on one of your threads before, if so apologies, but a MNer who was dealing with a dying child posted a while back "Don't borrow trouble from tomorrow" meaning deal with today today, and worry about tomorrow tomorrow.

Stop beating yourself up, it does not change a thing, but makes you feel worse. And you don't deserve that - you deserve none of this shit happening to your family, so be kind to yourself.

And yes, you'll go on because you have to and because this is who you are.

Massive x-post with you. Tell next door they have appalling taste in music grin

out2lunch Sat 09-Nov-13 22:55:33

tunnocks - would a hug be of any use? xx

tunnocksteacake Sat 09-Nov-13 22:57:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

toffeesponge Sat 09-Nov-13 22:57:43

You have failed nothing. Nowhere do we have practice for when our loved ones get ill. We have what we have and deal with it the best we can. You are doing brilliantly. Tomorrow, go and buy some ridiculously luxurious shower gel.

tunnocksteacake Sat 09-Nov-13 22:57:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tunnocksteacake Sat 09-Nov-13 22:59:41

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Oh you are doing your half. You are! Do you think you should be able to deal with this massive shock, and the fear and bringing up the kids and taking care of dh and still be some sort of mum's gone to Iceland figure with a manic grin on your face? You're allowed to be sad and tired and stressed as well.
You're there, right in the thick of it. You are the heart of your family and they would all be lost without you. You're getting everybody through this and yes you're tired but you are NOT failing. You are excelling and you're an inspiration to us all. Such love.

5%, 10%, 20% - whatever the stats lets look at what's in front of us - your lovely, fit dh with everything to live for and you are both getting through this. Whether you see black or lots of light it doesn't matter because you are getting through this. One way or another.

Remember - two are better than one

'Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their labor:
If either of them falls down,
one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
and has no one to help them up.
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

tunnocksteacake Sat 09-Nov-13 23:00:52

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tunnocksteacake Sat 09-Nov-13 23:03:23

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Yikes. File letter under B for bin grin

tunnocksteacake Sat 09-Nov-13 23:06:19

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Ah, tunnocks, I know, the uncertainty is awful sad.

I am sorry you have been upset by a badly timed letter. Good palliative care to improved quality of life is important even while curative treatment is going on. Don't be too put off by the name.

I am glad you have your DCs - they remain snuggable for longer than you might think: I spent a bit of time in bed with 9 yo DS2 today smile.

None of us know what goes on in anybody else's life - that is so true.
That is why I think it is so important to have 'kind' as one default setting with 'rude' or 'cross' reserved for when severely provoked only wink.

Yes indeed, well then you get in to the trade off don't you? Without love there is no grief. Without knowing the fulfillment of a relationship there's no loss. It's two halves of the same thing and you don't get one without the other - which means I suppose - you don't get the pain without also getting the joy. Grief and worry and stress makes it hard to see the joy but it must be there and you will feel it again.
If we could do anything to lift this shadow from you we would. That's why I pray I suppose. You aren't alone.

tunnocksteacake Sat 09-Nov-13 23:10:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bless him smile

tunnocksteacake Sat 09-Nov-13 23:14:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I dummo. I've seen people in their 70s and 80s be exactly the same as you. Loss is loss. But no don't dwell on it if you can help it.

It is not fair, it really isn't.

You are doing a phantastic job in a horrible situation which is largely out of your control. You are doing v well indeed. You are being a great supportive wife and a wonderful mother - your DS can see that, bless his cotton socks grin

tunnocksteacake Sat 09-Nov-13 23:16:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Yep, not fair again sad.

tunnocksteacake Sat 09-Nov-13 23:18:21

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It must be very hard to see past that loss tunnocks. That was what happened then BUT that doesn't mean that will happen now.

I don't know how to say this without it sounding glib or uncaring, but I know what i mean in my head, so I'll try:

You are in danger of contaminating whatever time you have got as a family with worrying about what you may lose.
He IS there with you all, he IS parenting your children and loving you. He IS there.
It's not about that he WAS there or whether he WILL be there, but that he's right here right now.
Rant and rave on here or even with a trusted person in RL, but try and hold on to what you've GOT. At this moment in time. The present is all any of us have, really, you have the added burden of being denied the illusion of certainty.

Gawd, how I hope you don't feel that I am critising you for how you are coping. You are doing so well x.

minmooch Sun 10-Nov-13 00:00:00

Tunnocks big hugs. You really are doing fantastically. You are holding everyone together - that is how wonderful you are.

It is impossible to not worry about the future, I'm trying to put my worries down each day, even just for 5 minutes, to rest my mind and love my son just now.

It is just awful, unfair and heartbreaking. Much love xxxxx

Dutchoma Sun 10-Nov-13 10:47:47

Keeping prayer going Tunnocks. For life and light.

BoreOfWhabylon Sun 10-Nov-13 11:04:13

I'd lost this thread but have been thinking of you Tunnocks.

Hugs for you

Hugs for minmooch

magimedi Sun 10-Nov-13 14:35:39

Huge hugs to you, Tunnock & to minmooch.

What Pacific said about holding on to NOW is so right - but must be so hard to do.

MrTumblesKnickers Sun 10-Nov-13 15:08:33

Sending you love, Tunnocks. x

Andro Mon 11-Nov-13 13:15:42

I am glad you have your DCs - they remain snuggable for longer than you might think

This made me smile (and nod in agreement), I have a 10yo DS who still rates cuddles and snuggles!

Thinking of you all.

bassetfeet Mon 11-Nov-13 18:31:48

Hi Tunnocks are doing beyond well. Inspiring and honest . Snuggles giving you comfort as only our wee ones can.
Understand how getting letter from Palliative care must have upset you both but truly the service is not all about end of life . The service can get finance stuff sorted ,counselling ......some one for you to talk to ....all the things that can make life for you both a bit easier . A central point to ask questions ,get advice and support . Med advice when the doctors arent around.

I believe hugely that every one diagnosed has an individual prognosis that varies wildly . My Dh was given 2 years to live two years ago this October. A stark shock out of the blue given by a doctor who gave us 5 minutes of his time [we had no idea]. He had radiotherapy and meds [different cancer but aggressive ] ....latest MRI astounding and docs very encouraging now. We are older and so not comparing your situation to ours Tunnocks .....but all the time research is getting more effective and we can look forward a bit . Yes we cannot ever say cure can we ? but we can go on living and I pray that you and Mr Tunnocks can start planning bits and bobs like we are . Statistics are meaningless .

love to you all x

Fourducksate Mon 11-Nov-13 22:20:52

Have named changed so you won't know who I am now, but just wanted to pop in and say you are in my prayers.

mummylin Mon 11-Nov-13 23:51:00

Still in my thoughts Tunnocks. Still have lots of hope for your DH

FutTheShuckUp Wed 13-Nov-13 22:35:23

Lots of love to you and your family tunnocksteacake. There is hope, always. I have it for your DH, you have it, we all have it. How can we all be wrong? thanksbrew

greenhill Thu 14-Nov-13 14:04:37

Sending positive, hopeful thoughts your way; you and your family are in my thoughts. Whatever life is throwing at you tunnocks you are doing brilliantly and rising to the challenge, even if it doesn't seem like it.

I hope you are looking after yourself, as well as everyone else flowers

tunnocksteacake Sat 16-Nov-13 17:16:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Happy Birthday, MrTunnocks!
Have some cake and brew and [hugs] from MN smile.

Have a great night out, all of you, and may the sun shine on the Cyclecross tomorrow.

Go, TeamTunnocks, go!!

JoanHunterDunne Sat 16-Nov-13 17:19:22

Happy Birthday to your DH.

Hope he has many, many more.

ChestyNut Sat 16-Nov-13 17:34:28

Happy birthday to your DH thanks

Almostfifty Sat 16-Nov-13 17:45:22

Happy Birthday Mr Tunnocks. We are all rooting for you.

sybilfaulty Sat 16-Nov-13 19:09:47

Happy birthday to you! Have a lovely evening xx

RubyrooUK Sat 16-Nov-13 20:05:29

Happy birthday Mr Teacake. grin Hope you have a fabulous time. X

Dutchoma Sat 16-Nov-13 20:12:15

Happy birthday Mr Tunnocks!

BoreOfWhabylon Sat 16-Nov-13 21:40:01

Happy birthday Mr T!

bassetfeet Sat 16-Nov-13 22:12:25

Warbles in high off key voice ....HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you Mr Tunnocks flowers .

FutTheShuckUp Sat 16-Nov-13 22:13:12

Birthday wishes to mr t, a man in a million

greenhill Sat 16-Nov-13 22:28:29

Happy birthday Mr Tunnocks!

Mangosmoothie Sat 16-Nov-13 22:32:23

Happy birthday Mr Tunnocks. Many happy returns. cake

Charlie01234 Sat 16-Nov-13 22:36:32

De lurking to say happy birthday mr t and sending much love to all at teacake towers

out2lunch Sat 16-Nov-13 22:37:21

happy birthday xx hope you all have a lovely weekend xx

mynameisnotmichaelcaine Sun 17-Nov-13 07:59:52

Happy birthday Mr T. Xx

tunnocksteacake Sun 17-Nov-13 20:43:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dutchoma Sun 17-Nov-13 20:50:35

I hope he left a bit of chicken for you Tunnocks Well done, mr Tunnocks on the day after your birthday.

out2lunch Sun 17-Nov-13 20:58:04

ahh congrats xx

Sounds like a fab day all round smile

minmooch Mon 18-Nov-13 08:28:47

Well done to MrT and a belated Happy Birthday.

Sounds like a great day. Xx

FutTheShuckUp Mon 18-Nov-13 22:49:56

Oh he is an amazing man xxx well done Mr T xxxx

tunnocksteacake Tue 19-Nov-13 18:13:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Great news.

Dutchoma Tue 19-Nov-13 20:01:14

grin grin

I hope that he will continue to astound them grin

mummylin Wed 20-Nov-13 21:33:55

I think that Mr Tunnocks is going to be the miracle patient . I hope so

magimedi Wed 20-Nov-13 22:52:36

Mr T is a star!!

I think of you all every day.

tunnocksteacake Thu 21-Nov-13 22:25:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I just got a statement from my pension - I'll be working 'til I am 102 hmm... new chances will come up for you, tunnocks, you've got other fish to fry just now.

Unicycle - wow!!
Whenever I see one of them, I think it looks utterly impossible to ride one grin.
You sound.... hm... ?grounded ?serene ?in a good place just now.
Long may it continue x.

Bubblegoose Sat 30-Nov-13 02:41:02

How's it going Tunnocks? (serial namechanger so you won't know me). Have been thinking of you and your family.

How was your work meeting? How're you holding up generally? x

minmooch Sun 01-Dec-13 21:30:04

Thinking of you Tunnocks. Hope all is going smoothly. Loving the unicycle - bet your DH is having fun with that! When my DS was having radiotherapy one of the radiologists used to come in on a unicycle - when one of the kids finished their radio treatment he would give them a demonstration to make them smile.

mummylin Mon 02-Dec-13 16:27:39

Still in my thoughts Tunnocks, hope all s going well with dh,s treatment and he is feeling well.

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights Sat 07-Dec-13 07:19:31

Tunnocks - I haven't posted in ages, but I have been thinking about you all a lot, weirdly when I'm in the car?! Something triggering there, but I don't know what?! grin

DS & DD sound adorable - anytime you want to create that profile - feel free grin

I am so very sorry to hear about your Dad - I'll be thinking of him too x

DH is doing really well isn't he - I'd love to have seen the nurses faces when he told them about the cyclocross!! grin

Did you postpone those ridiculous christmas time appointments??

How did your meeting at work go?

How are you??

greenhill Sun 08-Dec-13 11:26:01

Hope all is going well with you, that your DH is still feeling well, and that you are feeling hopeful about Christmas and beyond x

sybilfaulty Sun 08-Dec-13 11:30:53

Thinking of you Tunnocks flowers

LittleTulip Fri 13-Dec-13 19:22:43

Wishing you an easy time over Christmas Tunnocks flowers

mummylin Sun 15-Dec-13 18:52:07

Thinking of you Tunnocks and wishing you and your family well for the Christmas period. I hope dh,s treatment is going well

ChestyNutRoastingOnAnOpenFire Sun 15-Dec-13 19:46:46

Thinking of you all.

How are things?

FutTheShuckUp Mon 16-Dec-13 23:04:36

Hello tunnocksteacake DH and children. Sending you all love and best wishes, hope things are not too bad at the moment

NorthernLebkuchen Sat 21-Dec-13 17:00:57

Thinking of you and hope all is going ok

BoreOfWhabylon Sat 21-Dec-13 21:06:24

Thinking of you Tunnocks.

Onlyjoking Mon 23-Dec-13 14:42:57

Wishing you all a peaceful Christmas.

koolforcats Tue 24-Dec-13 17:38:42

Thinking of you all this Christmas x

magimedi Tue 24-Dec-13 22:51:49

Thinking of you all. Often.

Very big hug to you & yours, Tunnocks.

Onlyjoking Wed 25-Dec-13 16:45:38

Thinking of you and the other teacakes, wishing you peace.

PacificDingbat Fri 27-Dec-13 11:17:13

I've been thinking of you and all the Teacakes over Christmas too.
Hope you had a lovely time x.

mummylin Fri 27-Dec-13 23:14:13

Hope that despite everything you were all able to enjoy Christmas together. Wishing you all the hope in the world for the new year

FutTheShuckUp Thu 02-Jan-14 22:56:28

Hope christmas went as well as it could and you are all doing as well as can be expected

Wishing you a happy New Year with lots of positive developments thanks

furlinedsheepskinjacket Sat 04-Jan-14 14:40:31

have seen you posting on other threads hope this means things have been good - thinking of you too and sending good wishes

wooldonor Mon 03-Feb-14 23:10:41

I've name changed and this had fallen off my TIO, I hope everything's going well with you and Mr T.

Was just thinking of you. Hope everything is ok.

Hope all is well.

BumWad Mon 02-Jun-14 00:18:52

You and your family popped into my head.

I do hope you are well x

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