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(994 Posts)

New thread !!

malteserzz Tue 01-Oct-13 08:26:12

Morning MAS how are you ? smile

hello malt -feeling better today thanks- how is your fuzzy tongue ?

malteserzz Tue 01-Oct-13 08:33:06

That's good smile are you swimming today ?
Tongue is horrible going to try some pineapple

amberlight Tue 01-Oct-13 08:33:10

Elko all. Marking my place whilst marooned in gigantic thunderstorm. I think a brew is called for

Gigondas Tue 01-Oct-13 08:39:17

Morning- that sounds exciting amber.

Ruby just catching up -sorry you are feeling down but not surprised . Have lectures started yet?

topsyturner Tue 01-Oct-13 08:59:08

Marking place .
Am still reading every day , just not posting .
I think I'm in a bit of a funk .

jchocchip Tue 01-Oct-13 09:05:35

Marking place. ((hug)) for topsy and some curly wurlys for the trolley.

malteserzz Tue 01-Oct-13 09:27:27

Sounds exciting amber are you meant to be docking anywhere today ?
Jchoc curly wurlys always remind me of being on weightwatchers !
Topsy you ok ??

It was oral thrush, have some yukky banana tasting drops and got to go back if it's no better in a couple of days

Gigondas Tue 01-Oct-13 09:41:08

Me too topsy. Is it cos coming up to birthday and scan time?

I can't bring myself to organise scan tho I know I have to. Also mr gig trying to prepare for worst saying it is bound to show I need chemo as dr said would need it at some point.

HerNextDoorAt21 Tue 01-Oct-13 09:49:47

marking place her and good morning all

ruby it is such a huge thing you have (and are still) going through. Hang in there and I promise things will get better

topsy hope your sore head gets better, a day in bed is a good idea (i was texting her this mroning)

gigs I just book a holiday to French France for next year smile

malt hope your tongue gets sorted soon

really I hope that you are feeling OK today and that your op goes smoothly

mas glad you are feeling a bit better too

waves to everyone I have probably forgotten x

Thanks to everyone for understanding my perspective about DCIS. It sounds like a bit of "woe is me" ... I do feel very fortunate to be honest but was a bit annoyed at that later for presuming it had all been a a walk in the park for me.

BetsyBoop Tue 01-Oct-13 09:53:06

Quickly marking my spot and <hugs> to all who need one.

Just made some blueberry muffins ready for my friend popping in later.

<throws some muffins on trolley before I eat them all>

ruby - go easy on yourself - I remember going to uni being a huge deal for the first few weeks, I was terribly homesick and unsettled - and I hadn't been through what you've just been through!

smee Tue 01-Oct-13 10:22:51

Hugs for Topsy. Why a funk? Can we distract you? <hurls chocolate fingers onto the trolley>

MAS, 5km?! shock You'll need more than a free Waitrose coffee after that. grin

Bound to feel odd, Ruby. I'd bet your parents miss you too. You take care and natter here lots. xx

Malt, that mouth thing's horrid. Glad they've given you something for the thrush, but keep on it. Hope it's gone soon.

How can having a mastectomy ever be a walk in the park, HND?? Anyone who says/ thinks or even looks like they're thinking that about you deserves a slap. Send Topsy over, bet she'd happily biff them for you. grin

Worried, am thinking of you today. Hope you're back home soon and YAY for your clear CT!! smile smile

I will need many fbs for 5k,that's for sure !
Hugs for lovely ruby and a cuddle for topsy xx

KurriKurri Tue 01-Oct-13 11:26:14

Morning all <admires sparkly new thread and throws croissants on the trolley>

Loads of luck to really for today, - you will feel so much better when this bit is out of the way xx

Ruby - massive hugs homesickness is horrid, but it does pass, just try to hang in there - you have been through so much, and I found that I needed time after treatment to get my confidence back - it feels a bit scary stepping out on your own I know! But one step at a time, you wil soon make friends, well done for going to yoga - is it still freshers week atm, or are you into lectures and so on now? - once you get going on your course you will meet folk and be able to go for coffee etc (or whatever young people do!!! grin) but lots of love sweetie - thinking of you (have you got skype so you can chat to your parents? - my DD found that a big help) xx

malt - hope the thrush gets sorted out soon - its horrid x

HND - yo have been through a hell of a lot - how you have kept your sanity and cheerfulness I don't know, I'd have gone round the bend and down the drain by now!! - I second hiring topsy as head biffer for ignorant types grin - and you do know we have a posse for dealing with gits that can be summoned at a moments notice? grin

love to all - I'll have one of those muffins Betsey thank you smile

amber - thunder storm sounds very exciting - glad you are having a lovely holiday, you deserve to have a fab time xx

KurriKurri Tue 01-Oct-13 11:30:11

Oh - missed you were in a funk topsy sad, - and I'd just appointed you chief biffer too! - hugs, and wine and flowers and cake (and love to you Gigs as I see you have stuff coming up too)

amberlight Tue 01-Oct-13 12:29:38

We have survived the storm. A mate's ship nearby hasn't done so well and has broken its moorings and had to batten its hatches. Surreally, we now have glorious sun. Mykonos. Sending a lie on the beach and a handsome waiter to all in need of cheer. This was worth raiding the savings and doing the washing up for them.

Shootingatpigeons Tue 01-Oct-13 13:13:34

topsy lots of hugs thanks cake wine from me too. It is funk season though, I know I am good at dodgy science but this is good science, with friend we were warned by doctors that October does often spark depression, less light, shorter days etc. If things are going to get to you it will be now. We are here for you and gigs though, more hugs.

gigs no worries, no dramas mate, <gets into Aussie Thelma and Louise mode for road trip> wink

ruby I am sorry but not surprised you are feeling overwhelmed and homesick. It has been a very intense time in your life, you have had so much to deal with and your family have been so good. A lot of people struggle when treatment is over, all that drama, and then nothing and it can feel as if you have been abandoned and are vulnerable. You have also so looked forward to getting back to uni as well so it would probably be hard for it to live up to that. I remember having a huge down when I went back for my second year, as I realised the reality was so much more prosaic than all my hopes and dreams and I think it is worse now as everyone is posting on Facebook twitter etc what an absolutely amazing fantastic time they are having, as you do (though probably curled up under duvet weeping and missing home as well wink) what are your new flatmates like, are they green and overly desperate eager first years or are there some other old hands. My friend's DD has been in same uni flat throughout uni, now fourth year because of her special needs and each bunch of flatmates has been entirely different. Hopefully you will soon have a group of good friends for support, I assume your course mates are all back for their final year as well?

hnd I am sorry but didn't you know this is a competition, with points, and league tables, NOT. Though god knows what this thread would be like if it was Dadsnet local for Richmond, they train to win the Dads race at children's nursery.... I can't believe that anyone would be so insensitive as to say that, what you have been through is a marathon by anyone's standards and if you had had major surgery and long term complications after a car crash I am sure said person would be unreservedly praising your strength and bravery wink Though just typical of the b******ks you sometimes have to deal with from others when you get Cancer. Like kK I have always admired your cheerfulness whilst coping with all the neverending holes, squelchiness and squeaking.

amber so jealous of your destinations and especially Mykonos, I island hopped there in the 80s, though on rickety ferries not in luxury. It was beautiful and I am told the island that has best hung on to it's soul in the face of tourist development, perhaps because the LBGT market has better taste . Friend posted amazing pics last summer. Are you off to Santorini next? Another gorgeous place. Told you they would recognise you were dead posh and put you on the Captain's table grin

Hope it is going well forreally and she has had or is about to have her surgery and can get on with getting this stage of treatment over with.

mas I think you will be surprised how easily you manage the 5k after you have trained. I remember when there used to be those David Wilkie swimathons (that dates me) when I worked in the lido in the summers we used to have to drag people out of the water after hours and miles because they didn't want to stop. Once you get in your rhythm and the right speed for you you can go on and on. I think that is why there is always a limit now. The next stage would be when the sponsors wouldn't cough up because people had swum ten times as far as they thought grin

smee was that a prize you got last night? No hiding your light around here.... smile

kitkat1967 Tue 01-Oct-13 14:05:22

Looks like the BC stories are out in force already - seen 3 in the news today - I'd not really noiced before hmm.

notJenkins Tue 01-Oct-13 14:08:50

Place marking and waving to all xx

I think you're right shooting - I do get into my stride after a while and could happily swim on grin I did one of the first Swimathons as a young thing years ago- -the half one -was fun.

amberlight Tue 01-Oct-13 15:04:50

I think the Captain is on the gin; friend's ship was holed during that storm. I might need gin myself. They are all ok but blimey...
And there's a fab new drug called kadcyla I think which is for HER2+ metastatic that has resisted everything...which is stopping half of patients' cancers. V good news.

malteserzz Tue 01-Oct-13 15:52:30

Glad everyone's ok Amber looks lovely weather there it's freezing here today
Smee I noticed your prize too well done !
Yes been lots about Bc today, Lorraine Kelly is doing a new campaign where you donate your old bras to raise money for research. There was a news story about how many people died of bc each year too I tried to ignore that one hmm

Mouth still foul tasting am finding bland things like milk, bananas etc are ok but know I should be grateful as others eg Betsy have had much worse on tax smile

Bake off tonight !

kitkat1967 Tue 01-Oct-13 16:34:26

yes Malt - there does seem to be a lot about how many die from BC each year - I'm going down the ignore route as well - fingers in ears for the rest of the month I think.
How is your hair after Tax? I cannot believe how quickly mine is growing back - it's not thick though. I also have what feels like cradle cap - very wierd and not attractive!!

Amber - your cruise looks fabulous - my DD would have loved that storm - she hates the sun so rain/storm whilst on a boat would be her idea of a great holiday.

Just had a phone call from the nurse who is coming tomorrow to do my chemo - I've kind of been ignoring it really but now need to get myself prepared.

Looking forward to GBBO.

malteserzz Tue 01-Oct-13 16:54:03

That's great about your hair Kitkat I've not washed mine for a couple of weeks, will do tomorrow I think. I feel like my bald bits are not so noticeable but may be wishful thinking smile
Hope your chemo goes ok what sort of side effects are you expecting from this one ?

Lilymaid Tue 01-Oct-13 17:04:38

Malt - having had 5 lots of Tax, I'm afraid that the metal mouth is unavoidable. I keep thinking of food I'd like to eat, but in reality nothing tastes very nice at the moment. And, Tax does not like hair!
What has so far annoyed me about the Breast Cancer month coverage is the emphasis that healthy eating/living will reduce the likelihood of getting it. Everyone I know who has it/has had it has been very fit and eats healthily. I don't like the hidden implication that those who have breast cancer have some way contributed to getting it!

kitkat1967 Tue 01-Oct-13 17:13:07

Lily - yes I read an article today that said once we understand the effects of diet, alcohol, smoking and exercise less women will get BC - well fab news for non-smoking, non-drinking, not over-weight, reasonably fit ladies like me. I am fed up with the implication that I could have prevented this had been 'more aware of my lifestyle'.

Malt - it is the Taxel family so same SEs as you, Betsy and Lily but hopefully much less severe. I have been warned that by the end of the course they will have built up but hope that until then I will not be too affected. I think the idea is you are never wiped out but on the flip side you get no weeks of no affect - so more a continuous low level niggle maybe - I will of course be keeping you posted grin.

malteserzz Tue 01-Oct-13 18:18:51

Lily how long does the metal mouth last don't say all the way through the cycle hmm just forced down a bowl of cereal for tea. Thought it might be better once I get rid of the thrush ?
Kitkat hopefully you won't get too many side effects I will keep my fingers crossed

Dh gone to football I told him to go but I wanted him to say he wouldn't really. It's a long lonely day sometimes hmm

KurriKurri Tue 01-Oct-13 18:26:29

Malt I always felt the metal mouth was at its worse when my WBC count was at its lowest (that's just what I felt from my own experience - may be wrong! But I base it on the fact that it was at its very worse when I had neutropenia and I simply couldn't eat because the taste was so vile, and it improved slightly when my blood count improved) but I didn't actually get rid of it completely until I finished chemo (sorry - maybe not what you wanted to hear).

It comes with lots of types of chemo I think - not just tax (I didn't have tax) it is foul - much sympathy. I don't know what you can do to alleviate it, - I think as you say some foods are worse than others, I found cold drinks better than hot, and I found sorbet was edible (maybe because it is cold and sharp tasting)

smee Tue 01-Oct-13 18:52:24

That mouth thing is horrid. I think I hated that the most too. Even water tastes wrong. Keep ticking off the days. Soon be over. xx

Shootingatpigeons Tue 01-Oct-13 19:20:32

I had mouth thing too, and even the side effect that everything I eat whilst my taste was derailed I went off eating even when it was back to normal, which meant what I could face got more and more limited.

Yes the implication that we could have avoided Breast Cancer by eating the right things, exercising, not drinking, having babies early etc. is very annoying and there is only a grain of truth to it. As my Onc said to all of us, so you did all the right things just like all the women I see (I may have lied underplayed my alcohol intake). As she said the chances are that the as yet unknown hormonal and genetic risk factors are far more likely to have played a role in our risk. Known risk factors, including the above, only account for 95% of risk and most of that is the known genetic risk. She is quite sure that increased exposure to hormones in drugs and from the environment and a genetic predisposition to develop Cancer as a result is every bit as much to blame as lifestyle factors because the women she mostly sees do do all the right things. Men are getting hormonal Cancers too but no one is implying they are bringing it on themselves.....

Thank you all for being so lovely smile my flatmates are okay but not particularly sociable, it has taken me two days to meet all of them, in fact I think there is still one left to meet! I baked a chocolate cake to share thinking we'd all socialise on our first day but after 24 hours and only having met one person I just left it out on the side with a note. Plenty has gone so either I have one very greedy flatmate or they are just using the kitchen when I'm not around smile they are all postgrads so it's rather different for when I was last in halls in first year and everyone desperately wanted to make friends! grin it's freshers' week this week but lectures start next week so hopefully I will make friends on my course.

shooting unfortunately everyone else graduated last year as they didn't do the placement year!

kurri I think you hit the nail on the head, I just don't have confidence about doing basic things. It takes me ages to get ready to go out as I'm worried I'll forget something and then I'm worried I'll be late so I set off really early. It's not so much that the treatment has ended, just that in all my planning and thinking about the future I hadn't really considered the fact I'd have to leave home again blushblush

I had another good day though, I went to a meditation class and it was really nice!

malt the mouth thing is horrid. I found spicy food was the best, and salt and vinegar.

I think all the stuff about lifestyle advice to avoid cancer, and other illnesses, is that people find it so scary. They want there to be a reason why someone got it and why they won't get it. It may play a part but it's certainly not the whole picture! It's just a way of trying to make sense of something senseless I suppose.

amber shock about other ship. Thank goodness no one was hurt! Good news about the drug too, but aren't you meant to be relaxing?! smile

smee well done on your prize!

topsy and gigs I hope you feel better soon xx

kitkat good luck for tomorrow smile flowers

I hope really's surgery went well flowersflowersflowers

This post is getting long so I will leave it there. Love to you all though, I nearly cried again reading all your lovely kind messages of support, you are all fabulous smile x

PS chocolate cake for the trolley!

Lilymaid Tue 01-Oct-13 19:36:59

Malt It is day 13 of my chemo cycle and my mouth is still very metallic. I keep thinking of food I would like to eat but everything tastes of nothing! End of cycle is better but the metal mouth comes back as soon as the chemo goes in.
I had thrush first cycle but not since then. Do you take an antifungal such as Fluconazole?

foofooyeah Tue 01-Oct-13 20:10:14

Just marking my place, Can't type too much more due to excessive red wine intake.

Chemo #2 tomorrow

Love to all

kitkat1967 Tue 01-Oct-13 20:30:59

Ruby - I think that is a very valid point you make about people being keen to say there are reasons that certain people get cancer as it makes them feel safe. I had never thought of it like that before - you are very wise for one so young wink grin.
Are you in the final year of your course then? And I apologise for not knowing this but did you have to drop out part way through last year?

kitkat1967 Tue 01-Oct-13 20:47:59

Forgot to say that i have just returned from final 'expansion' and am very 'over expanded' (apparently that gets the best results in the reconstruction - so now need a bit of padding for the other boob (who'd have thought it!!). Also feels quite stingy this time.

yes,very good point there ruby - sending you some toblerone and a comforting hug.

BetsyBoop Tue 01-Oct-13 22:08:56

malt my funny mouth/tastebuds usually lasts until the weekend and then eases off and I can drink tea and water again! Hope your thrush clears up soon, that's at least one thing I've avoided so far!

The tax has been quite hard on what was left of my hair - my eyebrows and lashes thinned slightly on FEC, two rounds of tax and they are all but gone sad I've now got really watery eyes, which I'm guessing is due to no eyelashes...

kitkat and foofoo hope all goes well tomorrow.

amber I'm loving all the holiday pics on FB smile and I'm not the slightest bit jealous, oh no!

gigs hope you manage to sleep without rolling on your bad arm tonight

I'm doing "la la la not listening" with all the BC stories on the news too...

Why thank you kitkat wink I'm in my final year, I was on a placement year last year, working in the civil service, but had to take most of the year off sick! Sorry you're not comfy, it does sound rather owchy. Will it be the same size when it's finished or do they just need to make extra space for the surgery if that makes sense? I suppose if they didn't put anything in the other side they might, ahem, age unevenly smile

kurri you asked what us young(er) people do... I spent the evening watching Private Practice and crocheting, and was counting down the minutes to 9 o'clock when it felt reasonable to put my pyjamas on! grin I'm having a wild night here!! wink

MAS I looooove Toblerone. And hugs are always gratefully received. I shall give you one of my closely guarded chocolate orange Segsations in return. I brought your joke book with me as it's a good way to cheer myself up if I'm having a wobble! It helped me through some of the worst days of chemo smile I love silly jokes but I think my family might be getting a bit fed up... grin I'm very impressed with all your swimming updates!

trice Tue 01-Oct-13 22:54:19

I will have to have the radio switched off for October. It's good if they raise some decent research money though.

Betsy, the drippy eyes are annoying aren't they? You will grow everything back soon though.

Malt, hope the metal mouth calms down a bit. I found tinned fruit straight from the fridge quite pleasant. Cold soft and sweet.

I am just coming up to six months on capecitabene. I cried in Asda yesterday because I feel so poorly. Then I cried on Dh, secretly wept while cuddling the dcs and howled into the broccoli while cooking tea.

JS can run away if she sees me coming. I will stick the pin of my cancer "badge" in her arm, because I just love the attention.

betsy I'm sorry you're having such a tough time with side effects. Are your eyes sore too? I didn't lose my eyelashes but my eyes were sore and blurry and felt dry but water constantly confused I used the tired eyes drops from Boots (because they were the cheapest and they all seem to have the same ingredients!) but apparently the oncologists can prescribe better ones smile

kitkat1967 Tue 01-Oct-13 23:05:18

Ruby - apparently over expansion now means they can create a more natural shape later (by that I mean droop!!). And yes he will need to do something to the other side if I want a good match - and I did indeed ask again about that and he has promised to do a lift (and previously he mentioned an implant as well) - he did ask which insurance company it was which concerned me but he seemed content with the answer.

Trice - sorry you are feeling so down today - is 6 months significant - do you need to stop or is it just bringing it all home (so to speak)?

Oh trice very big hugs and cake and wine and flowers for you! sad is it specific side effects or just generally feeling rubbish?

KurriKurri Tue 01-Oct-13 23:06:16

Ah - I must be technically 'young' too then Ruby - I watched Bake Off and did my knitting grin

Maybe your flatmates will loosen up and be a bit friendlier soon - I'm sure they liked your cake smile

My DD found that she didn't have much in common with her flatmates when she was in first year (I know you aren't in first year)but once she got to know people on her course she could ask them back to hers, or go round to their places, and I'm sure you will settle in once the course gets going properly.

Your confidence will come back as you get used to being away from home again, it feels like a bit of an uphill struggle to regain independence, -illness, hospital and treatment does that to you, takes away your control over your life and makes you uncertain - but a few little steps each day and you'll soon feel like your old self smile

Post on here when you have a wobble and we will give you a virtual cuddle. xx

Good luck to all having treatment tomorrow.

KurriKurri Tue 01-Oct-13 23:09:02

trice - hugs to you too, sorry you are feeling low sad

Shootingatpigeons Wed 02-Oct-13 01:22:26

I'm another "young" one, still up because I am knitting a new fair isle and suffering from "one more row" syndrome. Just had to force myself to put it down . Hard core, knitting doesn't get tougher than this grin

BetsyBoop Wed 02-Oct-13 05:47:09

trice big unmumsnetly hug from me and cake wine brew

ruby yes my eyes ave been a bit sore since starting tax so I've been using artificial tears, will ask the onc for some better ones thanks for the tip.

kitkat hope your pump up hasn't been too ouchy.

Woke at 04:58 this morning, starting to annoy me now, I wake between 04:50 - 05:10 every flippin' day...

foofooyeah Wed 02-Oct-13 05:52:23

What a horrible tough time so many of you are having. I bloody hate this disease. Everyone in this group is so intelligent and individual you cannot make generalisations about this disease so the stuff about diet etc is so annoying.

Wish there was more effort in curing ALL cancer and not the segmented sparkly stuff. Why should be have to raise money anyway? It's a basic human need to be rid of this horrible disease.

Right, time for a cuppa, I don't knit or crochet or bake or anything useful (all of which I wish I could) so I shall go and paint something.

foofooyeah Wed 02-Oct-13 05:53:11

Oh morning betsy another habitual early bird here

notJenkins Wed 02-Oct-13 06:30:35

Good morning from me another early waker here have been up for ages.

I have a cold and sore throat so feeling sorry for myself. Getting impatient as I want to be back to normal but my muscles are not playing ball. Supposed to be doing a decent dog walk today with my aunt but may have to do an old lady one instead. At least she will make me a nice coffee after.

Still waiting on the mortgage this is getting ridiculous now. I am resigned to waiting ages now. Very frustrating as I want to move ASAP especially as if I need more treatment I want to be settled into the new house before I feel bad again. Aaaaaarrrrrrggggggghhhhhhh. I feel like nothing is ever going to go right for us.

To try to be positive the dogs are now allowed on the whole beach so when my muscles are ok I can do some long beach walks again so be prepared to be bored of dog / beach pictures aplenty on fb. My giant hooligan puppy is now less of a hooligan and does not assault people with such regularity or enthusiasm any more so I can take him out after 6am grin

Hope you all have a good day. amber am loving the cruise updates and ruby I am sure you will settle once you make some friends and are in the swing of study again.

malteserzz Wed 02-Oct-13 07:57:03

Hugs all round to everyone it's all just pants isn't it hmmhmm

My tongue is nearly back to its normal colour I'm sure you all wanted to know that ! Am drinking a cappuccino which has cooled down which tastes ok so hopefully vile taste is going a bit

Good luck to foo foo with your chemo today and hope really is ok

PictureThis Wed 02-Oct-13 08:03:56

Morning all. Sorry to hear some of you are having a rubbish time. malt I'm on day 16 of T and my mouth is fine now. I did keep fresh pineapple in the fridge and ate some every day to help reduce sore mouth/tongue as well as gargling with diluted corsodyl mouthwash. My eyelashes on my lower lids have gone and are sparse on my upper lids so my eyes are dry/itchy then watery after rubbing them which gets a bit annoying. Other than that I haven't had too many side effects from this one. I'm waiting to see if the SE's are worse with my next dose as of course some of this dose went into my poor remaining boob and what a sorry state it's in. After burning like buggery for the last two weeks and looking a beatiful shade of scarlett, the said boob blistered over the weekend and is now peeling! I cannot bear any pressure on it so that makes life a little more tricky when holding a squirmy 13 month old. The chemo lot have been of very little help with regards of ehat is best for it. They prefer the 'have some hydrocortisone cream and it will eventually get better' approach.hmm. It might be alright by the end of chemo. To say I'm pissed off is an understatement.

DD had her temporary cast removed yesterday which in itself was an ordeal as her elbow has swollen to twice its usual size and the cast had to be broken around it in order to release her arm. By the end she was almost hysterical as it was so sore. She is now the owner of a high arm sling which appears to be doing as good a job as the cast at immobilising her arm, she's even managed to sleep all night. The only thing is her arm is now no longer protected from knocks and bumps so I've decided to keep her off school for the rest of the week.
DS is having his chickenpox vaccination today

oh grrr- just got a message on fb about putting a heart on your status for solidarity with all women who've had breast cancer -it said for 'woman only' which completely winds me up as much as anything -have responded accordingly.
Really want to speak to bcn but no reply - nothing really -just wanted to talk about things. This week another round of chemo starts-it just goes on. I should be happy that my treatment is working of course but it feels like a lonely road.
Sorry to be so self obsessed at the mo. Love to all....
Bake Off did cheer me hugely with the wonderful double entendres from Mel and Sue

oh poor dd's arm picture sad

trice - hugs from fellow capecitabine person xxx

trice Wed 02-Oct-13 08:54:33

Thanks for the kindness everybody. I am just feeling a bit ground down. The prospect of another three years of this followed by more tax if I am lucky and survive that long is not giving me a lot to look forward to.

Normally when I am feeling down I go for a walk or do some singing. I can't manage any of these things at the moment, my lungs are painful and I have really tender feet. I used to be quite annoyingly pollyannaish, but I am finding it hard to get in touch with the old me. Loath as I am to add to my pharmaceutical loading, I am tempted to get some ads from the gp. Bloody hate taking pills though.

malteserzz Wed 02-Oct-13 09:32:52

Picture your poor dd and your poor boob too. I take my hat of to you going through chemo with a 13 month old too that must be really demanding

Trice can you push to get your lung op earlier ? Really feel for you, I understand you don't want to take more tablets but ads might be a good idea.

Gigondas Wed 02-Oct-13 09:39:09

Morning all- am slowly reading through. Sorry for all those suffering and feeling blue. Hope dd arm Mends quickly picture but can see how awkward it is for you with 13 month old.

I will try and post some orange men to cheer people up later.

kitkat1967 Wed 02-Oct-13 09:42:31

Lots of hugs to Trice and MAS - sorry you are both having a rough time at the moment.

Busy morning for me already as I took DS to school as he wanted to do a before school club (he doesn't go to school locally and usually gets the bus) - it's the first time that I have been up to do that since diagnosis back in May shock.

Had a look at inflated boob today and it is huge!! I now have the all clear to wear bras other than sports bras so tried a few to see if I could get a more even shape and have decided on a very padded one as it lifts the other boob - feels like I have a massive chest but does look more even. hmm.
Was agony last night but is settling down now - thank goodness that was the last inflation.

Smee - did you have Rads at all? I only ask as my surgeon said last night that if I don't have Rads I can have an inplant reconstruction but the results are not good enough to offer that option after Rads. I have decided I def do not want my back muscle moved (due to a sport which I hope I will one day get back to) so an implant is one of the remaining options (and in fact the easiest). Ho hum - more to think about!!

Chemo is at 11am this morning.

BetsyBoop Wed 02-Oct-13 09:42:51

ouch picture for your DD and your boob.

malt glad to hear your mouth is a bit better.

MAS and trice I can only imagine how much "permanent" chemo grinds you down sad It's sh1t, but the alternative is even more sh1t sad sad

trice I agree with malt - your really need to push to get your op sooner. If you let yourself get more and more poorly it will make the op more tricky and your recovery longer. I know we all hate doing it, but time to get sharp elbows and push yourself up the queue a bit!

good luck with chemo today kitkat xx

longtimelurker62 Wed 02-Oct-13 10:46:19

What a horrid time so many of you are having ,and some ( TT ) not even posting sad .

This sounds really trivial but you never know it might help someone with a metal mouth - crystalised ginger is supposed to be good for kick starting saliva glands and I wonder if it might help a little ?

Wishing you all a better day and night .

malteserzz Wed 02-Oct-13 11:05:18

I will try that long time lurker thank you
Kitkat you will be having your chemo now hope it's going ok

smee Wed 02-Oct-13 11:06:43

kitkat, yes had epic no.of Rads, so 5 weeks worth due to extensive DCIS. Definitely that affected my skin, as it shrinks it. Hope chemo goes okay today and breast stops being so ouchy. xx

cake and thanks for Trice. Sorry you're having such a low. Must be bloody tough, though your idea of sticking a pin into JS made me smile. grin

MAS, is your BCN away maybe?? I think she's normally good at calling you back? Must feel very lonely being so permanently on chemo. (((hugs))) from me xx

foofoo has chemo today too I think. Hope it goes in quickly. Come back and let us distract you from icky side effects. smile

Malt, glad to hear tongue's normal! Keep gargling.. did help from memory. You have what two more cycles to go? So you only have to do this two more times. Hooray! smile

Blimey Picture, thought sounds very sore. Keep nagging them for help. You shouldn't be in pain like that. hmm

How's the ache's Betsy. One to go for you?? So very close.. smile

Ruby, I'll fight you for Kurri's toblerone. grin

Better go do some work. brew for all who want to distract me. I have jammie dodgers. smile

BetsyBoop Wed 02-Oct-13 11:18:43

Yes smee one more to go - 8 days time, I just want it all over now. Counting the days. Aches are all gone thank you. The aches don't seen to last with me, I know for some folks it can go on for months after. My body seems to do a "short sharp shock" response to chemo, awful at the time but as least it's over quickly grin

smee Wed 02-Oct-13 11:33:29

Have just read back my post, so many mistakes. blush

Betsy, finishing will be astounding. smile Have you Rads ahead?? Seriously a walk in the park after chemo, but still another thing to get through..

BetsyBoop Wed 02-Oct-13 11:54:36

Surgery next smee - early/mid Nov (still hoping they will let me have bmx - also with node clearance on rhs) Then rads, which I'm guessing won't be 'til after Christmas. And on it goes...

LadyBeagleEyes Wed 02-Oct-13 12:23:25

Hi folks, posted a few weeks ago after my diagnosis of metastatic breast cancer, where I now have nodules in my lungs and liver.
I've had one two round of capectibane tabs, I've just had blood tests and am back on the chemo today.
But my blood tests have shown excess calcium, I had an infusion in the hospital before my diagnosis and tomorrow I have to go to hospital for another one, my Dr said this may be monthly.
Has anyone else had this?

Shootingatpigeons Wed 02-Oct-13 12:36:40

I've only got 5% left on my ipad so this will have to be quick but just wanted to add more hugs for those finding it hard at the moment <3

ladybeagle Did you mean that there was too little Calcium, and so infusion of Calcium, or excess and having something infused to deal with that? I am on Calcium supplements because I have early signs of osteoporosis as result of chemo, early menopause etc. but I do remember Onc getting alarmed by sharp spike in my Calcium levels during chemo, in addition to low WBC count. it leaches your bones. They monitored it and reduced the dose (because WBC count life threatening mainly ) and it went back down so I don't know what they would have done if it continued.

ladybeagle I am on capecitabine (round 18 ?? anyway,a year's worth so far) and in the early rounds my blood test picked up low calcium - I topped up with cheese and yogurt and my dose was being altered anyway for hand and foot problems, so that might be the cause. A friend of mine with bone mets has excess calcium in her blood because of the cancer taking it from her bones (and this causes her pain) and is taking calcium supplements.

LadyBeagleEyes Wed 02-Oct-13 12:43:23

Excess, Shooting, Dr. says it's not uncommon.

I rang and left message on Monday and have emailed - other nice bcn rang to say that my bcn was away on Monday but in the rest of the week,although I know she is off on holiday tomorrow- so she's probably v busy..though she normally would feeling that perhaps I'm being too demanding or something. I just occasionally need a pep talk from her smile The others are v nice but we have a long understanding of my peculiarities and anxieties so I feel it's easier to talk to her and I don't need to explain my history etc.

smee Wed 02-Oct-13 13:01:52

Hope she rings today, MAS. I forgot to tell you, but my lovely BCN has left. Feel gutted even though I don't really need her atm.

LadyB, how did you find your first cycle? Hope not too many side effects.

I don't think she will and I don't want to ring again sad I guess I mustn't pin all my stuff on to her. Sorry that yours is leaving though smee - it's just comforting and reassuring to know that they're there.

well that'll teach me smee- just looked at my emails and there was one from bcn saying that my mails had got lost in her junk folder grin !

malteserzz Wed 02-Oct-13 14:37:50

Still jealous of you all having these lovely bcns ! Moan moan !
On the positive side washed my hair today and I've still got some smile

kitkat1967 Wed 02-Oct-13 14:39:26

Chemo all done. Felt sleepy for a while but picked up now and having some lunch.
Have been given the mouth wash that stained my teeth last time so will go out for a walk later to get some Listerine instead.
Otherwise all well for now........

malteserzz Wed 02-Oct-13 14:46:54

That's good Kitkat was it better having it at home ? Fingers crossed for few side effects for you

kitkat1967 Wed 02-Oct-13 14:53:10

hmmm... was odd having it at home but I think next will be OK as I'll know what to expect (there was loads of kit). BP was sky high but it drop a bit later on (thankfully) - so i guess I must have been quite stressed about it all.

get alcohol free mouth wash - think that's better,my dentist says..I have some Dentyl which looks a bit alarming but is v good.

reallyreallyworried Wed 02-Oct-13 15:26:51

Hi all

Surgery done smile I was supposed to be number 3 on the surgery list, but my surgeon decided to do me first! So I was in at 9 being put to sleep smile so better than last time.

I stayed overnight, which I was pleased about, as I felt a complete wreck. Came out of hospital at 11 today. Drain still in, which I hate! But other than that I am doing okay grin

I have bone scan next week. Then see surgeon for check up a week on Monday. Then on to see oncologist and start the next step! I feel positive that this phase of treatment is 'hopefully' over.

Thanks for all the positive words and good luck messages. You ladies have been amazing. I don't think I would of got this far without hearing your positive words, and about your experiences. So a HUGE THANKYOU thanks xx

BetsyBoop Wed 02-Oct-13 15:35:06

glad to hear all went well for really and kitkat smile

kitkat1967 Wed 02-Oct-13 15:41:37

well done Really -good news that you've got that done.

thanks MAS - missed that info about alcohol free but I'll remember if I need to buy any more.

smee Wed 02-Oct-13 16:24:39

That's good Really, welcome back. smile

kitkat that must be weird, having the chemo at home. Did you provide biscuits? I'd get all stressed about the etiquette, let alone the chemo.. rest up and congrats on another one done. smile

well done really !

Well done Really, have been thinking about you.

malteserzz Wed 02-Oct-13 17:04:07

Glad it went ok really how long till you get rid of the drain ?
I was told alcohol free mouthwash too I use corsadyl daily ( might not be spelt right ! )

kitkat1967 Wed 02-Oct-13 17:57:23

Smee - you're so right - I had biscuits ready but before I knew it I was connected to the drip for the pre-meds and then moved onto the chemo so I wasn't able to offer anything more than a pathetic 'do you want a tea or coffee - if so help yourself in the kitchen' blush. I had already thought that next time I must be quicker off the mark before I get connected up!!

BTW - have some of your difficulties in getting good results with your implant been because of your previous Rads?

foofooyeah Wed 02-Oct-13 21:15:14

Sorry a really selfish post but feeling rough: dd any of you get numb arms after FEC chemo?. Mine feel v peculiar and feeling pretty nauseous too.

kitkat1967 Wed 02-Oct-13 21:27:40

Hi Foo - I had no arm problems after FEC - are you talking about the chemo arm specifically or both arms? And sorry you are feeling nauseous - I am well aware what that is like so you have my sympathies brew.

I had a sleep this afternoon after my chemo but that was due to the Piriton not the chemo. Feeling fine otherwise - which is a miracle for me as was doubled up after FEC each time - long may it continue!!

malteserzz Wed 02-Oct-13 21:31:23

I had a sore arm foo foo along the vein where the chemo went in, resting it on a cushion and a hot water bottle helped
Have you got something to take for the nausea ? X

malteserzz Wed 02-Oct-13 21:32:51

Kitkat glad you are ok smile
I feel much better now and my vile taste is much better, I'm sure it was the thrush making it much worse I must ask for something to take straight away for it next time

foofooyeah Wed 02-Oct-13 21:48:44

It's both arms so not to do with vein, just spoke to hospital, they couldn't really advise but said to call again if got worse.

Thought I had gt away with it too easily up to now

smee Wed 02-Oct-13 21:52:27

foofoo, poor you. I don't remember the numb arm, but do so remember the nausea. ARe you taking your anti sickness drugs??

kitkat, yay for feeling not too bad. My difficulties with implants are I think due to tendency for epic amounts of scar tissue to form. Surgeon said it's just what my body does and everybody's different. Bit annoying, but in the great scheme of things, nothing more than tedious.

kitkat1967 Wed 02-Oct-13 21:53:34

Glad you're feeling better Malt - I'll add that to my list to look out for grin

really was thinking of you these past two days. Glad to hear it went well.

malteserzz Wed 02-Oct-13 22:18:00

Make sure you do call if it gets worse foo foo and keep an eye on your temp too smile

trice Wed 02-Oct-13 22:34:13

Congratulations really, you are getting through it.

LadyBeagle, don't know about calcium but round one of capecitabene was the worst for me. It got easier. And it worked to shrink my tumours fast

reallyreallyworried Thu 03-Oct-13 04:07:38

malt drain stays in until it is draining less than 50ml in 24hrs!! So day 1 it was 200ml, it's looking like day two which I register in a few hours, is going to be just over 100ml. So it's going the right way!! I will be glad when it's gone. It's not so much uncomfortable as awkward! Also have a huge fear of accidentally pulling it out!!!

kitkat hope your doing okay and not having too many side effects.

foofoo hope you are feeling a bit better today.

Sending lots of love to everyone else xx

Now to try and get back to sleep! I hate having to sleep on my back!!

jchocchip Thu 03-Oct-13 07:15:45

Hope you got back to sleep really. Glad to hear your op went well, phew.
Kitkat chemo at home, well done.
Very pleased with myself. Went for a short run before tea last night and slept until 10 to 7

kitkat1967 Thu 03-Oct-13 07:21:00

really i agree that sleeping on your back is hard - more so if you have to manage a drain as well!! But you sound really positive and upbeat smile

I had a good night no SEs except I woke at 4:30 (steroids) but actually managed to sleep/doze until time to get up. The nurse told me that I should expect the tiredness to kick-in on Sat when steroids have all been taken. No nausea - yippee!!
Kids have gone to school so back in bed smile

kitkat1967 Thu 03-Oct-13 07:22:33

jchoccip - very impressed with the run - and great sleeping!

well done jchoc smile Now I've started swimming in earnest I can see how important these things are !
Bloods today.

malteserzz Thu 03-Oct-13 09:24:36

Hopefully you'll get rid of it in a couple of days then really
Jchoc am very jealous of that sleep !
Kitkat glad you're ok with no nausea smile
Foo foo how are your arms today ?

smee Thu 03-Oct-13 09:27:48

Really, I hate those drains. Soon be gone though. When they take it out, remember to do proper deep breathing. Really concentrate on it and take a very deep breath in as they take it out. Seems to help.

Yay for no nausea, Kitkat. smile

Impressed by running and swimming on here. I'm going to do a few hours work, then cycle for a swim. Now it's down in black and white it'll make me go.. grin

Wishing all a good day. Keep those side effects at bay. x

kitkat1967 Thu 03-Oct-13 10:05:45

Smee - cycling and swimming - this is gettig competative grin

I looked round a gym on Monday - does that count at all? wink
I don't like swimming but used to enjoy going to the gym so think that may be an option for me - just got to decide whether to bite the bullet membership wise and think about timing - waiting to see how I get on this week with aches etc.

smee Thu 03-Oct-13 10:45:33

Looking round a gym definitely counts, kitkat though I'd wait a bit on joining, Kitkat. Walking's v.good on chemo, anything else is a bit ott imo. grin

Lilymaid Thu 03-Oct-13 11:08:55

Went to work yesterday and came back absolutely exhausted! I didn't even spend a full day there though was out of the house 8 - 6:30. I had put myself into normal work gear and only realised as I was rushng back to the tube at usual London speed that I couldn't keep it up and needed to walk slowly!
Metal mouth slightly better today (but it is Day 15 and next chemo is next Thursday). Lots of brown marking under my nails now - and general numb feeling around the finger tips. I have invested in some new nail polish and will give myself a manicure once I've finished the ironing.
My gym membership is suspended and I don't expect to rejoin until after I've finished radiotherapy and feel I can start up again - I'll probably enlist the help of the personal trainer to start me off nice and slowly.

reallyreallyworried Thu 03-Oct-13 11:25:47

Thanks for the advice smee I will remember that, when the time comes. Can't come soon enough!!

Although I can't complain. I am managing to move my shoulder pretty well considering, and I have taken minimal pain relief. Although I did find after my last surgery that the pain was worse about 10 days post surgery. I assume that's when all the nerves and things come back to life!

On the whole I am feeling much better about things. I suppose that's why they say this journey is full of ups and downs. One of the surgeons told me I was always so calm and laid back about things!! Hmmmmm maybe I should of let her read some of my comments on here! Although for the most part I think I have taken everything in my stride. Not that we have much choice.

Right nap time for me! Well worth a try grin

Hope everyone is having a good day xxx

malteserzz Thu 03-Oct-13 11:51:35

I felt fine last night but now really tired again and my temp is up from what if normally is, though not high enough to worry about yet
Thought I was out of the woods on this cycle hmm

malteserzz Thu 03-Oct-13 12:32:26

Ignore me I'm panicking again it has gone down a bit now !

Shootingatpigeons Thu 03-Oct-13 13:37:46

malt you are right to be ready to panic a little bit, it may be possible and probably necessary to get a bit blasé but you are being poisoned and it does leave you vulnerable so it is important to keep an eye on temp as I have proved by experiencing the consequences of my own complacency hmm

really I hated the drains too, we may joke but they really are not the most attractive fashion accessory.

jchoc yeah for getting a run, take it steady but I am sure it is good to get back .

I did actually swim (though I had and still have very low WBCs, which tends to support what I think kitkat said about BCNs etc being over cautious) and go to at least one exercise class a month through chemo, even though I had a bad time in my bad weeks. I was always a bit of a gym bunny so it was part of my normal. Yoga really helped with my state of my mind and I had a real good gang in an exercise class who socialised outside the gym so I tried to make their classes at least once a month. That was the (gay) Instructor who greeted me with the words "you look like a lesbian when I first went wigless) Even If I was a bit pathetic, it was good for morale. It's not impossible and actually since exercise stimulates the immune system may actually good for you physically as well as long as you don't get overtired.

Having fun and games here, was up at dawn in case of return visit by heron to my pond to commit genocide with my fish who I have sadly got fond of, especially since they have now had babies. Never give names to animals that you can't protect from the circle of life. Yesterday goondog gave one tentative bark at it then realising it was huge with scary wings beat a hasty tactical retreat, which was enough to send it packing. Today when he is supposed to be on patrol with me he is staying in his basket......

glad temp is down malt
Swimming is doing me good,I think - but am trying not to overdo it as I did feel horrible this week (earlier and over the w/end) - not nec. the swimming I suppose. I like that you don't get all sweaty and that I can exert myself much more easily in the water than on dry land - running would drive me insane and gyms have never appealed.

Was looking at some blogs about pink October and found one about how amid the frou frou of pinkness metastatic bc is largely forgotten and how primary bc is where the money goes -met. bc is deemed very scary and something people really don't want to think about.

Gigondas Thu 03-Oct-13 15:49:54

I think that's very likely mas. I have certainly seen first hand someone cry/try to ignore a metastatic bc story at a course for cancer patients. It makes me angrysadenvy too about how whole pink October as not only would I like not to have cancer but I would like not to have an unusual rare cancer with not much funding .

Hope all those with se feeling ok. . It was walking that got me thru chemo . I would avoid gyms Not cos hate them as remember them being described as full of germs from dirty equipment.

reallyreallyworried Thu 03-Oct-13 16:07:01

Very true shooting not the most pleasant fashion accessory! Looks awful and the sloshing sound as I walk around isn't great! So I have now totally lost the plot and have given my new buddy a name!

It's dotty Dora the drain grin I put the bottle in a purple and White spotty toiletry bag! Hence Dotty smile

I'd like to blame my madness on drugs! But as I'm only taking basic stuff, I can't! So I think I am just mad shock

Thought I would share my madness with you all. Hoping I'm not the only mad one among us!!!!! Xx

Gigondas Thu 03-Oct-13 16:11:15

grin At naming your drain ( but sympathise as they are rank but you do become oddly obsessed with outflow tho that could be me). I wanted big gig to decorate mine with stickers.

It's good you are only on basic painkillers tho .

reallyreallyworried Thu 03-Oct-13 16:22:14

Nope not just you gigs I keep checking and try to work out IF tomorrow could be the day!!

As for painkillers, I know they say take them regularly, but I have never really taken tablets for anything. So I figure so long as I feel okay and am able to do the exercises without too much pain. Then I'm okay. I also think that like last time, I will feel it more in a week or so's time! Then 'I'll use them!

Glad my madness gave u something to smile about! Xx

Gigondas Thu 03-Oct-13 16:33:44

Think approach to painkiller makes sense but do take them at any sign of pain as don't suffer. I agree it can seem worse a little while in.

grin At goondog pigeons - he is a over not a fighter isn't he?

Gigondas Thu 03-Oct-13 16:33:55

Lover even wink

HerNextDoorAt21 Thu 03-Oct-13 17:00:59

Off to see madam surgeon in the morning to see what she is going to do. Fingers crossed it's nothing eh ????

Gigondas Thu 03-Oct-13 17:18:47

Fingers and toes that it's good news- you deserve bit of luck on healing. Any plans for pub night this weekend ?

fingers very crossed for you hnd
Some good news from my friend in Derbyshire (with bc but can't have surgery/chemo etc as she already has a life limiting illness and treatment would finish her off) - her tumour has been significantly shrunk by tamoxifen grin - hooray !!
Off swimming now
Why on earth did I think it was your bday today gig ?

ooh tipsy & hnd pub niight- wings and other deliciousness -v jealous

Hello Really and Dora - you sound so much happier today which is great.

Good luck for tomorrow HND - what are you expecting the surgeon to say? You expecting more surgery?

I'm reassured to hear lots of you are exercising - as someone who loves pump / spinning / swimming I am deperate to get back to the gym.....I can feel my fitness seeping out of me. Hopefully by the weekend I'll be able to do spinning (albeit gently) as that's the only one of my classes that doesn't involve much arm/shoulder strength. I'm recovering nicely from surgery, back into nice underwired bras today (yay!), bruising turning a lovely shade of yellow, one comedy boob.

kitkat1967 Thu 03-Oct-13 19:30:05

Good luck tomorrow HND - let's hope she has to do nothing. I take it you are no longer squeaking?

malteserzz Thu 03-Oct-13 19:37:45

Good news about your friend MAS
Good luck tomorrow Hnd smile

smee Thu 03-Oct-13 20:58:46

grin at Dora.

That is good news, MAS. smile

Hoping Mrs Surgeon's on form tomorrow, HND. Tell her to get it sorted or we'll all come with you next time. x

Where's Topsy?? Are you okay?

reallyreallyworried Thu 03-Oct-13 21:19:05

Good luck tomorrow HND hopefully all will go well, I will be thinking of you.

I am hoping that today was my last day with Dotty Dora! 25mls so far today! Hopefully she won't start partying tonight!!!

handbags I am feeling a bit more like the 'real' me. I think I just need to feel in control of what's happening. Or at least I need to know what's happening! Last week with both surgeon and BCN away, I felt a bit lost and scared Luckily a certain group of lovely ladies were there to help me through smile

Wishing everyone a good nights sleep! Xxx

kitkat1967 Thu 03-Oct-13 21:39:44

Have you got an appoitment scheduled with your surgeon tomorrow so that you can be released from Dora.

Quick question for the Tax ladeis - have any of you been 'flushed' the day after chemo. I have developed a very healthy glow on my face and chest - DH thinks I look like I have spent the day in the sun hmm (if only)!

woollyideas Thu 03-Oct-13 21:40:58

I posted this on another thread and someone suggested I ask here, so here I am! I hope this is the right place to post this. A friend of mine is just about to embark on chemotherapy and I want to knit her a couple of chemo caps. I would like to use very luxurious yarns like cashmere and alpaca, but wondered whether sensitivity is an issue following chemotherapy. Is the scalp sensitive during this treatment? Sorry for my ignorance, I really don't know whether the chemo affects people's skin sensitivity.

smee Thu 03-Oct-13 21:43:11

Hi woolly - you sound like a lovely friend. I don't remember my head being especially sensitive, but I know some people do. It's going to be winter as she goes through it, so she'll need something on her head to keep her warm; cashmere and alpaca sound perfect. smile

malteserzz Thu 03-Oct-13 21:56:05

That's a nice thing to do woolly smile I found my scalp was sore just before the hair started coming out but not after that

Got dh to take a photo of the back of my head tonight and then cried because I look like a ghost I hadn't realised it was so bad and cried some more about everything hmm feel bit better now think I just needed to let it out

I haven't had that Kitkat

reallyreallyworried Thu 03-Oct-13 22:05:08

KitKat no appointment. The system is I record Doras output on a website address I was given. Then when under 50ml in 24hrs doc will give me a call and tell me to pop in and have it removed!

So heres hoping!

Sending you a hug malt sounds like you need one. Maybe some cake and wine too. Xx

Now I must sleep. Nighty night xxxxx

Lilymaid Thu 03-Oct-13 22:08:50

KitKat I don't think I appear flushed on Tax. I have been using some tanning lotion so I don't look too wan. In fact people keep telling me how wellI look. I wish!

Lilymaid Thu 03-Oct-13 22:12:38

Malt I try hard not to look at the bald me as I don't want to make myself miserable. I keep thinking of my hairdresser's mantra: "your hair has gone on holiday ... It will be back soon"

kitkat1967 Thu 03-Oct-13 22:13:53

Really - that's a very flash system. I just trugged along to a pre-planned appt with mine and it was OK so got it wipped out smile.

Ahhhh Malt - just remember that you have lasted for 4 cycles so olny 2 more to go and your hair will grow back - the cold cap has made some difference and has limited amount of time you have needed to wear your wig. I'm pretty certain that if I'd have gone straight to number 4 (without the gap I've had) that I would be in the exact same position as you. Lots of hugs but I'm sure the new positive and confident you will be back again shortly. How are you feeling now? - feeling under the weather will be making you emotional as well.

kitkat1967 Thu 03-Oct-13 22:15:47

Lily - I also think I look really well with my new colour! DH googled it and found similar comments from others - all saying it only lasted for a day. Perhaps it is specific to Paclitaxel.

malteserzz Thu 03-Oct-13 22:31:42

I just feel wiped out but I'm not sleeping again which always makes things seem worse and I'm reluctant to go back to sleeping tablets again
And bloody breast cancer month doesn't help today it was Anastasia who has had a reoccurrence.
Also half term in 3 weeks and everyone will be off on holiday again
I'll be ok at least dh is working at home tomorrow so I'll have some company
Thanks for the kind words smile

topsyturner Thu 03-Oct-13 22:35:13

I'm here , and reading .
Just very tired at the mo .
HND and I have decided I'm part tortoise , as I seem to have gone into hibernation mode grin

Don't think Ruby has posted today . Hopefully that means that she's having too much fun at uni !

Malt I have a photo of the back of my head . I look like I've just been rescued from Chernobyl ...
But now I have so much bloody hair , it's beginning to annoy me .
This too shall pass .

It's my birthday on Saturday I'm going to be 25 before you ask and HND is making me a Mexican feast .
We're having a girls night , as due to extreme skintness , DH and I can't afford to go out this month .
HND is a fantastic cook and I am a fantastic eater , so we are very well matched as neighbours gringringrin

I'm going back into dormouse mode now . I slept from 6.30 yesterday evening for a couple of hours , got up for an hour , went back to bed and slept the whole night through .
Got up at 8am this morning , stayed awake for a few hours , then had a 3 hour nap .
I've since been yawning constantly , so I'm back in bed now !
Maybe I'm growing ... grin

smee Thu 03-Oct-13 22:41:36

Ah growing pains, that'll be it, Topsy. grin

Malt, I destroyed all photos of me on chemo as I looked like I'd escaped from a camp. As Topsy says, it will pass, but have a bloody big blub. Seriously necessary sometimes. xx

kitkat, yes I got the tax blush thing. Each time, was v.odd.. didn't last long though.

Worried, hope the drain's out tomorrow. Hope it doesn't stop you sleeping.

woollyideas Thu 03-Oct-13 23:21:23

Thanks for the responses. You are all lovely! Cashmere it is then!

BetsyBoop Thu 03-Oct-13 23:33:01

Just having a quick read before sleep <waves>

Kitkat - yes I get flushed chest and face day after tax onc says a mild allergic reaction but isn't seem concerned

HND hoping Mrs Surgeon will have good news tomorrow

Really here's hoping you and Dora can part company tomorrow (love the name!)

Right Time for sleep...

Lilymaid what tanning lotion did you use, and how/where did you apply it?

My chemo about to start in next 2 weeks. DSis (the one without cancer, but who lives near and was great support to DSis who was diagnosed with cancer last Nov) recommended I use tanning lotion to look 'healthy'. It sounded good advise at the time, but I haven't figured out what product to use...

wolly those caps sound lovely! Especially cashmere.

Forgot to mention - no school for my DDs tomorrow. Am really looking forward to lie in. I hope I don't wake too early!

foofooyeah Fri 04-Oct-13 05:09:27

Morning all, hope you all soundly asleep. I managed to get to 4.30 which almost feels like a lie in.
May get up soon and paint some furniture. Am on a renovation phase and painting all my old pine furniture, plus other pieces I am acquiring. DP says no more eBay purchases grin

reallyreallyworried Fri 04-Oct-13 06:26:38

Morning foofoo and anyone else who is awake!

I has a restless night. Really am not enjoying Dotty Dora's company!! Even if I get in a comfortable position, I then worry that I might turn awkwardly and pull the drain out! So think all in all I managed 3hrs sleep!

On a plus, with just 2hrs before measurement needs taking Dotty Dora is still below 50 ml. Fingers and toes crossed!!

Hope everyone else had a good nights sleep. Good luck to those with appointments today, and hope those with SE are coping okay and have a good day smile xx

foofooyeah Fri 04-Oct-13 06:40:36

Is it today you are hoping to part company with Dora? She doesn't sound like the nicest of companions. Hope she gets her release papers today.

reallyreallyworried Fri 04-Oct-13 06:55:33

Yes I'm hoping too! Just got to get to 8.30 then I can send off the measurement and hopefully then Dotty Dora and I can go our separate ways!

Plus once she's gone, I think I can officially tick the surgery part of my journey off my list smile I will feel like I have achieved something! I've reached my first goal post!!

I know I still have a looooooooonnnnnggggggg way to go! But I'll get there! Just not with Dotty Dora!

Good luck with the furniture painting! Sounds like fun! Xx

hope you and Dora say goodbye today really smile
woolly what a lovely idea -cashmere does sound lovely...kind thing!
Weird numbness in my hand yesterday evening, like pins and needles..would this we swimming ? Hospital today-should I mention it ? am not wanting to be seen as neurotic.

Gigondas Fri 04-Oct-13 08:10:04

Mention it mas as you don't want any return to poorly hands.

Hoping you see back of Dora too really.

Struggling to keep up so will try and post later. You lot can chat.

Lilymaid Fri 04-Oct-13 08:11:54

Mom I just use some of that body lotion with a gentle tan. Current one is Decleor but any you like would do. I put it all over my (bald) head and face and neck.
It just adds a healthy glow! I am normally a 3 minute make up type and don't bother for non work days but a bit of make up does make you feel better about yourself when you are having treatment.

malteserzz Fri 04-Oct-13 08:35:32

Morning all
MAS I would mention it too especially if you're at hospital anyway
Still fed up and tired here by this time on fec I would have been fine but maybe it's the build up being on cycle 4 too.
Hope everyone has an ok day

trice Fri 04-Oct-13 08:40:05

I am getting my hair cut today as been thinning for months and now I have a halo of baby hair fuzz. I look like Rod Stewart.

I am going out tonight to a lecture about sexual identity. It should be interesting. Am I more female suffering actually "womans" disease? Or am I less as I have had my breasts and ovaries and libido medically fucked up? Do I actually care? I actually think people should be human first and gendered a distant second. Perhaps I am wrong.

smee Fri 04-Oct-13 10:25:11

MAS, if in just one hand, it could be a pinched nerve, so possibly yes swimming related. You should most definitely tell the team though, as it could be a side effect. Hope you get to see BCN xx

Who's running the lecture, Trice. Think I'm with you - everyone's different and we can't be labelled or categorised. Hope it's interesting rather than annoying. Have a good hair cut. smile

Is Dora leaving you today, Worried?? Hope so. grin

reallyreallyworried Fri 04-Oct-13 11:02:33

I hope so smee just waiting for a call from the hospital. My BCN said if I haven't heard anything by lunch time, I should give her a call and she will NAG them! Apparently she's good at that! So she says!!

So hopefully Dotty Dora will be a thing of the past by the end of the day grin xx

kitkat1967 Fri 04-Oct-13 11:19:44

Good news about Dora Really - hopefully you'll hear back quickly.

MAS - yes check out your pins and needles - just to make sure.

Malt - sorry you still feel so tired - like you say it's difficult to know if it is the Tax or the cummulative effect now. Perhaps tax does not suit you quite so well - but only 2 more to go thanks.

I've had a good morning - took DD to orthondontist and got a date in helf-term to get the braces removed - yippee - she has beautiful and perfect teeth grin.
Then went shopping as had to get a birthday present for my sister. Accidently got a few things for me too (as had to wait for JL to open for her) - so bought a pair of black (shiny'ish) skinny jeans (not my normal thing at all) and a top with a bit of a ruffle down the front in an effort to disguise the fact that I have one huge and high boob wink.

Hope everyone has a good friday. I'm out to lunch with work colleagues then got to take DD and her friend for a residential music weekend (a G&T for GCSE composing course!!). She is completely hyper about a weekend away with her friend - although she does love composing/music I'm sure that is secondary in this case.

Oh and I'm still flushed so thanks to those who reassured me that they had had the same - am expecting it to go today.

malteserzz Fri 04-Oct-13 12:00:31

Glad you're feeling ok to be out and about Kitkat, clothes sound lovely smile
Yes 2 more and next time the kids are away with grandparents so I can spend all week in bed if I like and then the one after that at least I can think it's the last one !

BetsyBoop Fri 04-Oct-13 12:08:29

Glad to hear you are doing well kitkat, it's strange to be feeling relatively normal the day after chemo isn't it?!

I've definitely been way more tired since I started the tax malt I think some of it is the cummulative effect but I think some of it is the tax too.

Fingers crossed your divorce from Dora goes through really!

Shootingatpigeons Fri 04-Oct-13 12:51:01

MAS have posted on Fbook but Breast stroke is notorious for putting pressure on joints, wrists, knee, back. It's a bit of an awkward unnatural movement, lots of flexing and pushing, front crawl or backstroke is much better as everything jets stretched out, much better for you. I did type gets but jets is a good typo!

trice That sounds interesting, you are on the territory of my Master's diss which was all about how difficult is can be for women to find sources of power and to define their own identities, including their sexual identity. You could debate whether the UK is patriarchal but I was writing about a culture that most definitely is and even in a very unequal society where women were constantly used as commodities, to confer status, as political pawns, as the subject in sex, and literally crippled in the process, they still managed to find sources of power and in little ways a voice to write their own history, even those at the very bottom of society. There is a great book by Elizabeth Hershatter about prostitution in Shanghai [[]] that shows that even though men sought to make them subjects most of them did manage to assert their own power and identities in all sorts of (fascinating wink) ways.

I agree that we want to be ourselves first and foremost but society can make that difficult and try to confer on us (stereotypical) identities and I think the pink thing is part of that, which is why some of us rail against it. I want to be recognised as an intelligent person and I have never been pink and girly (though have no problem if other women want to be) and I never felt my breasts were an important part of my sexual identity but I went and got a "women's" cancer that has been branded pink, and everything, the leaflets, the changing rooms etc. is on bloody brand. Wrong because the brand and the disease don't match, wrong because the disease isn't gendered, men get it as well. It just happens to occurr in a part of the body that our society values as a part of women's sexual identity ( not every society does so, tradtionally chinese men were turned on by mutilated rotting feet, they wrote poems about the erotic smell sad) I dare you to raise the example of Shanghai pros and the sexuality of rotting feet grin

Little pigeons was saying last night how annoying she finds all the boobs on show this month, if it was gangrene awareness month would they be covering magazines with pictures of lovely arms and legs ? grin

really You keep making me Think of Dora the explorer. Perhaps now we know what she has in that backpack

kitkat do make sure your DD wears her retainer, both of mine have gaps again after all the 000s we spent on getting rid of them angry

I've gone on again...blush

Where is Topsy Missing you

Hope Ruby is busy making friends with the undercover chocolate cake eaters

Love and hugs to all who need it

Shootingatpigeons Fri 04-Oct-13 12:52:00
HerNextDoorAt21 Fri 04-Oct-13 13:27:36

Afternoon ladies. Looks like we are going to have to get the boys in ..... after a very lengthy wait for Mrs Surgeon, she has decreed that alas, I will be debrided once more (sounds like a man having his new wife taken away from him - lol) 15th October first on the list. I am not squeaking quite as much, but there is definitely a ppppppppppppfffffffffffff noise when boobage is pressed !

As for pub night, if topsy the sleepy doormouse is up to it, there should be chicken wings and I think I will do my favourite potato salad and anything else that grabs me.

Tomorrow, I will be doing the Mexican as requested .... I let topsy chose her menu as it is her birthday and she keeps reminding me she is so much younger than me, I think she's a cheeky cow chancer ! So jalapeno poppers with smoked bacon and homemade tacos with homemade salsa and guacamole. Dont think we will need dessert ! If anyone can get over here in time, you are welcome to join us !

smee Fri 04-Oct-13 13:30:44

Bugger for that HND. Is she optimistic she can fix it once and for all??

<<prods Topsy>> HND needs a drink, wake up! grin

reallyreallyworried Fri 04-Oct-13 13:59:46

I'm off to hopefully get Dotty Dora removed!! 4pm!!

I am going prepared that they may say it's too soon etc etc! But deep down I really hope that my time with Dora has come to an end!

HND I hope they finally get things sorted this time. Enjoy the food and celebrating. Xx

HND debridement sounds deeply unpleasant. But a means to an end like all this treatment.

Ok ladies please help me to bring my pulse back down to normal. I had lumpectomy and sentinel node biopsy last Friday 27th Sept and was booked in to next see consultant on 16th Oct to get the results. I've just been called by the hospital - my results are back already and they want me to come in next Tuesday. Is it a good thing that my results have been turned around so quickly, or do they just want to break the bad news to me sooner.

I've been feeling so well and strong and now I'm shaking again.

smee Fri 04-Oct-13 14:55:44

handbags, there's a very good chance your results were just turned round quicker than they thought. Lots of hand holding and hugs from me. No point telling you not to worry, but YOU WILL BE FINE. xx

Really, hooray! Shouldn't think they'd get you in unless it's likely. Bye bye to Dora. smile

malteserzz Fri 04-Oct-13 15:32:43

Handbags try not to read something bad into it they've just got the results sooner than expected. Waiting till 16th would have been a long wait at least you will be spared that smile

Hnd hope this finally sorts it and your food sounds fab !

Really good luck with getting rid of Dora

handbags my results were back in a week also. 16th was awfully far way. Best of luck with the results.

HerNextDoorAt21 Fri 04-Oct-13 15:46:22

really I hope you and Dora have an amicable parting. Sidney (my vac pump) and I have a love/hate relationship and I was glad to see him out of my life !

handbags My results came back early - I think they try to give you a worst case regarding dates. I have everything crossed (even my eyes) for great news

Yes I am truly optimistic that this will be my right boob's last encounter on the end of a scalpel .....maybe a few needles for lipo-modelling and nipple tattooing next year but NO MORE SCALPELS !!!

jchocchip Fri 04-Oct-13 18:53:48

Handbags that is good news your results are back and you don't have to wait so long.
Swam 30 lengths before work this morning mostly breast stroke! So nice to have the pool open in the morning at the moment smile
Hnd hope it all sticks together this time.
Really has dora gone?
Its the weekend smile. Going to be a busy one...

fingers really crosssed for you hnd !
Am very envious of Mexican feast - will there be margaritas ?
2 hour wait to see onc. today which was v stressful but he was reassuring about pins and needles- swimming related he reckons - all feeling o now - am sure breaststrokke is responsible- also was trying a new technique with hands . Thanks shooting for your imput.

reallyreallyworried Fri 04-Oct-13 21:50:49

Dotty Dora is gone grin I thank her for all she did. But my goodness it's nice to of parted company!

Having it removed went smoothly. One deep breathe and it was out! Didn't feel a thing.

Now heading to bed to hopefully enjoy a full nights sleep! Then hopefully 5 whole days away from hospital and appointments! Just plenty of time to do the exercises and get back on track!

Night all xxxx

really hoping you get that good nights sleep!

trice Fri 04-Oct-13 23:52:55

Well, that was a very interesting lecture. Some worrying thoughts about modern pornography and epigenetics. I was especially interested in that part as 11yr old ds has just been shown his first pornographic video by his friend at school on an iPhone (I am not sure whether to complain to the school or the boys mum, but I was not impressed). She cited some studies showing that young people's brains were being physically affected by excessive use of porn.

Thanks for the link pigeons, that looks interesting. I have been wondering about the power dynamics of sexually overt women while following the Miley Cyrus / sinnead O'Connor twitter row. The whole victim or slut issue is really fascinating. (I don't think she is either btw)

Glad to hear you got rid of your friend Dora Really.

Handbags, I got called in early for results too. It seems to just be a thing that they do. A shorter wait is a good thing. Try to find a distraction to divert you from the paranoia box. Easier said than done I know.

Hooray for Dora going quietlygrin
Drama at parents - mum off to hospital for X-Ray as she's had a fall, don't think anything broken but so hard to tell as she has Parkinson's - poor dad gone with her.hmm

malteserzz Sat 05-Oct-13 03:18:34

Trice did you see the programme porn on the brain it was on channel 4 recently and is in 4OD. It was about the effects of porn and was quite shocking

MAS what a worry hope your mum is ok

Glad Dora is gone smile

foofooyeah Sat 05-Oct-13 04:10:56

MAS sorry to hear about you mum, hope she is ok must be such a worry.

handbags yes, I am always suspicious of being called in early for results. But repeat the mantra 'don't worry until you know you have something to worry about'

I'm angry a DP woke me up as he heard a noise, so that's the end of my nights sleep. I am so cross as he knows I have trouble sleeping. Stupid man, noise wasn't anything, rob just an animal as next doors security light came on and we get a lot if deer round here.

amberlight Sat 05-Oct-13 05:49:46

Trice, yes, worrying stuff re porn. On female was, the Genderbread diagram is my fave way to explain the dimensions of it. Easily googlable if you hadn't seen it.
Morning all. Already on a coach on Crete. Windy and dark so far. Zzzzz...

Gigondas Sat 05-Oct-13 07:07:24

Morning all - brew all round ? Will put birthday cake on trolley later.

Handbags on results I wouldn't read anything into it. My dad is dr and said they were trained to manage people's expectations so that always lever estimated time to get results, stay in hospital etc.

Mas I hope your is ok and gets back soon. Thanks for lovely card.

topsy happy birthday and enjoy the Mexican night. Hnd I truly hope this op is the last- think you have had more ops than me this year.

Amber enjoy Crete.

Got nice day at home then out for meal with friends later .

malteserzz Sat 05-Oct-13 07:46:22

Foo foo I sympathise my dh woke me up too coming in from a night out and I didn't sleep properly after that, men !

Gigs and topsy hope you both have a lovely birthday with lots of wine and cake

I was meant to be going out tonight but am going to cancel, too tired and I feel like my immunity is low, got mouth ulcers and spots so feel it's best to stay away from potential germs. Think it will be take away and X factor instead !

notJenkins Sat 05-Oct-13 07:59:53

Happy happy birthday to the birthday twins topsy and gigs hope you both have a good day. The HND feast sounds fab can I come ?

I am having a terrible time. Our lender has refused to allow us to port or mortgage so we in danger of losing our buyer / the house we really want. I am devastated and spent all evening crying to my shame. I am not a crying sort of person at all. I am feeling pathetic and broken. If I need more tretament and we can't move house we will be financially unable to cope and may lose our house. I honestly don't know what to do. We will be trying to get another lender on Monday. I just feel it is something I can't cope with. Scan results on Thursday. I really feel that nothing is going to go right for me as this year has been one blow after another. I am too ashamed to tell anyone in RL.

People keep saying the scan results will be fine but how the bloody hell does anyone know that and why would they be fine ? It is a bunch of cells no one has control over.

Hope you are all feeling happier than me. Sorry to be so miserable but I honestly don't know what I can do.

trice Sat 05-Oct-13 08:19:06

Oh Notj, I am so sorry! Banks are bastards. I am not surprised you are crying, you have a huge pile of stress on you at the moment. Big hugs and Bracing pats on the back.

malteserzz Sat 05-Oct-13 08:39:21

NotJ I'm so sorry no wonder you are upset, I hope you can find another lender big hugs x

giant hugs for notj xxxx
Happy birthday to you gig and topsy gig am pleased you like d card- Mr gig requested badgers,fairy shit and little girls on it !

Mum has broken hip and collar bone,so hospital for a while- poor thing.

notj sympathies re crappy bastard unhelpful bank. Fingers crossed you will be able to find another lender on Monday x

mas your poor Mum. My Dad (78) fell off a ladder last year and to quote my Mum "I thought he was a goner"! It's funny how the parent /child relationship reverses at times like this, I ended up berating him for not knowing better (he had propped one end of the base of the ladder on a pile of bricks). He bounced back from his injuries very quickly, and I hope your dear Mum does too.

Happy Birthday to gig and topsy - wishing you a lovely day and lots of cake.

Thanks for reassurances about quick result turnaround. Was having a bit of a down day yesterday and a wallow, coupled with issues we are having with getting planning permission and I was feeling sorry for myself. Better today.

reallyreallyworried Sat 05-Oct-13 10:07:11

Morning all

MAS sorry to hear about your poor mum. Hope she is on the mend soon.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO gigs and topsy hope you both have a wonderful day. Look forward to hearing how much fun you had! cakewine

NotJ sounds like your having a rough time. Sending you a big hug smile xxx

malt a night in sounds like a perfect idea. Enjoy xx

Everyone else hope you have a lovely weekend.

I am off to Devon to spend a few days with family, before heading back for my bone scan next week. Hopefully a bit of time to relax and recuperate. Although currently feeling pretty good. Although I sense that might be because my armpit hasn't come back to life yet!!!! Hmmm!!


BetsyBoop Sat 05-Oct-13 10:15:15

Happy Birthday to the birthday twins wine cake

notj - that is crap sad I`would (as someone who worked in the mortgage industry many many moons ago) suggest you go through an independent mortgage broker. They can take on the hassle of searching around for you and will know which banks are most likely to make offers in your circumstances. Just because your current bank has an issue doesn't mean all others will.

MAS sorry to hear about your mum sad It is true that as your parents age the rolls reverse. They go through petulant teenager (they think they know best, but acually we do!) to child (they increasingly need you support for day to day things) to baby (24/7 care). My Dad especially spent a very long time in the "teenager" phases grin

Shootingatpigeons Sat 05-Oct-13 11:22:40

thanks cake wine wine wine for gigs and topsy HAPPY BIRTHDAY wine wine wine cake thanks or should that be Margheritas for topsy

hnd lots of healing vibes and good wishes that this will finally sort out the troublesome boob.

trice Funnily enough I was feeling a bit ugh yesterday so had quiet day with knitting watching crap telly and happened across an hour long programme Miley Cyrus had made about herself. No she isn't a slut or a victim just a product of a very weird upbringing and the current persona is very much calculated by her, seeing herself as having to distance herself from her past and out do Madonna and Brittney (except Brittney has the added motivation of being manic sad) to be the next big thing. She was actually measuring the shock factor of her awards performance against the Brittney \ Madonna ones and was very gratified by the column inches. Very odd young woman, totally self absorbed and full of herself. Interestingly the pigeons reaction to it all is more prudish than me, and to find it a bit sad. They didn't like Hannah Montana either.

MAS my grandmother lived with my parents through her teenager and toddler phases. I remember one visit with 3 year old big pigeon when they were basically at the same stage of development. After a tea of fish fingers they went for a walk and watching them toddle unsteadily down the lane it was rather sweet.

Dad seems to be recovering well from his broken collarbone, so I hope your mum does too.

handbags I am sure that it is just the results coming back early, there have been so many long waits on the thread that it is nice to hear that a hospital can be flexible and get the wait over with a bit more quickly.

nj that is rubbish but pretty much the experience we have always had when moving, there is so much can go wrong. I ended up just taking the mental attitude of not expecting anything to go right so it was a pleasant surprise when it did. We had offers in on 7 different houses before this one, and 7 buyers on our old house. I see at least one of the houses we nearly bought every time I drive anywhere, and I have viewed most houses in the area. It was the gazumping era though. And even on the day we moved in here we had to sit parked outside the house in the removal van until 5pm because someone down the chain had not come up with some of the money. We would have had to camp out the night but our solicitor was also our close friend and intimidated all the other solicitors into some deal to get us in. However I hope you find a mortgage on Monday. You do not need all this stress on top of dealing with waiting for your results. You can never know they are going to be clear but the odds are that they will be.

Paranoia box seems to be filling up, will need my big bum to keep a lid on it

amberlight Sat 05-Oct-13 11:27:27

NotJ, I second Betsy's suggestion.Find a good broker. They will help sort it. Hugs.
Have got to point in cruise where I'm aware we come back to mammogram for me. Why doesn't it get easier?
MAS eek re your mum. Reading everything but can't write much.

Shootingatpigeons Sat 05-Oct-13 11:32:18

Amber we are thoroughly enjoying your cruise <salutes>

topsyturner Sat 05-Oct-13 12:05:22

Morning All

NJ did the bastard bank say no because of the cancer ?
I agree with the others about finding an independent broker .

Am so jealous of Ambers cruise hi jinks grin

Thanks for the birthday wishes .
Am taking DD to horse riding , then drama club . And also squeezing in a trip to Tesco (the real one , not Gigs lovely Parisian one !)
But am really looking forward to my night of Mexican yumminess this evening !

Gigs happy , happy birthday to you
We made it to another one , yippee gringringrin

foofooyeah Sat 05-Oct-13 12:20:09

malt sorry your feeling low. I had too much on today so called in the cavalry nd got another mum t take youngest to football so I can rest as big family late lunch today

NJ so sorry to hear about mortgage, bastards! But when something similar happened to e years ago someone sad t just wasn't for you ths time, and yes in the end we ended up with a better place. Not easy to hear at the time.

mas sorry about your mum, it's so worrying.

Happy birthday birthday twins!! Have some wine and cake

Love and light to everyone else a my brain has now stopped working

amberlight Sat 05-Oct-13 12:30:58

FWIW in reality on this cruise I am spending half of it caring for DH. And too scared to ask for autism help as inexperienced 'help' makes things much worse. I didn't go, or say anything about the cruise, to show off. I have a horrible feeling some of it sounds that way. Talking to friends keeps me sane in the scary bits.and the exhausted bits blush though the scenery is nice, yes.

Shootingatpigeons Sat 05-Oct-13 12:49:52

amber no it doesn't look as if you are showing off, just sharing some amazing sights smile it is normal to share on facebook. i love looking at people's travel pictures and I have especially enjoyed yours because they are places i spent quite a lot of time in in my 20s, my friend was living in Athens. Travel is difficult for all of us, so many new tastes smells etc to cope with, the uncertainty and unpredictability, so must be all the more exhausting for you. I love travelling because of the amazing things you see and experience but it certainly comes at a cost. Usually by the time you get home you have forgotten the exhausting and worrying bits and only kept he good memories of what you have seen and experienced.

notJenkins Sat 05-Oct-13 13:01:15

amber I am really enjoying the pictures too and showing off would be the last thing on my mind. Please carry on and I hope you can enjoy the remainder of the cruise.

Thanks for the support I have an excellent independent advisor on the case and to my shame I sobbed down the phone to her yesterday. I am just a bit broken at the moment and feel like I am on the edge of some sort of breakdown. Next week is my last week before I am due back at work. I just want to lie in bed with the covers over my head. There is only so much coping I can do.

The dc are going to my parents for the night to give me some space. I am far too ashamed to tell them what is going on. Going to a different lender will cost us £6k as we are in the middle of a fixed deal. That is if we find a new lender. I keep trying to think of positive things and gaining prospective but it is hard. None of this is my doing but I may suffer for years because of it.

I sound so bloody miserable sorry.

Shootingatpigeons Sat 05-Oct-13 13:57:29

nj Sometimes it helps to have a good cry / punch the pillow and it can be hard to cope when bad things hit all at once but do remember that this will pass. Don't let it tip you into feeling completely negative because then it is the state of mind and not the reality. If you think that is what is happening do go and see your doctor / talk to your nurse. They can help. You are not alone and certainly don't have anything to be ashamed about. I am sure the lender is being as ridiculously harsh and overcautious as a lot of lenders are at the moment. They are the ones that should be ashamed, for having brought it on themselves in the first place and now for making it so hard for decent hardworking people as a consequence.

Shootingatpigeons Sat 05-Oct-13 14:05:39

I have a Facebook problem (I know #first world problems #nothing more worthwhile to worry about? ) my wall is filling up with hearts for one of those Breast Cancer things, all my HK friends are in on it. But it is one of those "This is only for women, because this is breast cancer research week. One small act of solidarity between women." I am ignoring it at the moment but it is getting to the point where they will take offence as I am "the one that had Breast Cancer" ( here I am with my badge again wink) and they are lovely well meaning people. Gah!

smee Sat 05-Oct-13 14:46:30

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to tipsy Topsy and Gig!! cake smile

Your poor mum, MAS. Is she in a lot of pain? sad

NotJ, grr about the bank. You're allowed to weep I reckon. Really hope your advisor can sort it.

Sorry to hear you're feeling low, Malt, but have to say that even the idea that you thought you might go out is impressive on Tax. Take heart, be over soon xx

sad Amber, that doesn't sound relaxing.

Trice that's horrid about the porn video. Did DS tell you about it? That's a good sign if so.

Yay for Dora being gone. grin grin

Hope Betsy, Foofoo, Kitkat all okay today too.

I'm sure I've missed so many, but waving.. smile

BetsyBoop Sat 05-Oct-13 15:38:48

big unmumsnetly <hug> for notj

amber I've loved seeing your holiday pics, not showing off at all

malt - "go with the flow" is a good plan I reckon, so if you fancy a night in go for it. I must say I'm increasing knackered on tax, and definitely couldn't even think about managing a night out at the moment grin

pigeons - did you see JS is spouting off in the DM again today - apparently she missed chemo (seriously weird!) and is repeating the "cancer badge for attention" nonsense nothing to do with her wanting attention/publicity for her new book about her cancer "journey", oh no. Is she pocketing the cash or donating the profits to cancer research I wonder?

Hope everyone is have a good weekend. Having a seriously lazy one here smile

malteserzz Sat 05-Oct-13 16:00:52

I can safely say that I will not miss chemo one bit ! Just read that article online hmm
Amber I have loved your cruise photos, not showy offy at all

Proud of dd who has done her first duke of Edinburgh award walk today whilst I've hardly moved from the sofa

Hope everyone has a good evening smile

smee Sat 05-Oct-13 16:17:21

Well done to Malt's DD. How far did she have to walk? smile

I just had a read of that JS article too. She does admit to finding it tough, so have forgiven her a bit. I sort of get what she means about missing treatment, as in context it's largely about the nurses. I was quite upset when I finished chemo, as I knew I wouldn't see one fantastic nurse again. Still couldn't wait to never go back though!! She's still got that nonsense about badges at the end though.. hmm

How are you feeling, Betsy? Hope not too achy.

kitkat1967 Sat 05-Oct-13 16:49:09

Hi all - just a quickie to say I am OK but hit the Tax crash today so mainly just been sleeping on and off. Got the horrible metal mouth too.

Have read everything though but too tired to post - hugs to everyone - hope to recover quickly due to low dose.

greeneyedcat Sat 05-Oct-13 16:51:25

malt just read your comment about being proud of your dd and wanted to share my pride too - ds did a skydive for a bowel cancer charity this morning. He's such a thoughtful boy, im completely bursting with pride smile

Got my letter with a date for cervical biopsy, a month away so I can try and forget about that for a while.

Happy birthday Gigs and Topsy cake cake Hope everyone else is having a good weekend.

greeneyedcat Sat 05-Oct-13 16:53:59

kitkat sorry you're feeling rubbish, I dont know about Tax but hope it passes quickly.

BetsyBoop Sat 05-Oct-13 16:54:42

well done little-malt smile

Aches are gone thanks smee - just feeling seriously knackered now. Just got the washing in and am now having to have a rest I'm so tired. feeling quite pathetic today I'm clinging on to the fact that`in a fortnight's time I should be over the worst of my last tax truck smile

I will miss seeing the lovely nurses on the oncology unit, but I definitely won't miss being pumped with chemicals, or the smell of the unit (feeling sick just thinking about the smell...)

BetsyBoop Sat 05-Oct-13 16:58:40


kitkat - I've found you really have to just go with what you feel like doing with the tax, so sleep if that's what you feel like - it definitely seems to wipe me out more than the FEC (but marginally better that being sick? hmm maybe grin)

green well done your DS - we will wait with you smile

I haven't noticed the smell of chemo unit, and I do go into the administering bit to chat to my pal having her treatment...but maybe my nose is odd? some things generally do smell strange/strongly...
Well done for lovely dcs smile

Mum still waiting for her op but in good spirits. Hospital v quiet and empty being the weekend..we're feeding dad tonight,poor thing. (food will be nice !!) amber of course you aren't showing off,blimey- you deserve a nice cruise and we love hearing about your adventures and seeing the pictures smile

malteserzz Sat 05-Oct-13 17:24:40

Green eyed cat well done to your ds that's brilliant smile
Smee she did 9km over fields came home for half an hour and now she's out with friends !

Kitkat hope you recover soon, rest lots

MAS best wishes to your mum

I hadn't anticipated how tired I would be this cycle, it's frustrating. And will only get worse for the last 2 I suppose. Though have been lucky and apart from the oral thrush and the metal mouth have escaped the other side effects so I should be more thankful and not so whingy really !

malteserzz Sat 05-Oct-13 17:25:19

And my chemo unit doesn't smell either !

BetsyBoop Sat 05-Oct-13 17:56:16

my onc unit has a chemically. cleaning potiony type smell which is different to the rest of the hosptial (which has the usual hospitally disinfectant smell) I do have an incredibily sensitive nose for smells though

Shootingatpigeons Sat 05-Oct-13 18:54:38

Betsy I am sure JS publishing her book in October is a complete coincidence, talk about using Cancer to get attention.....

I had a couple of friends who were very down at the end of chemo. It is quite common, especially if the joys of Tamoxifen don't await. They felt sort of abandoned and left alone to cope, this was before they gave Herceptin for Her2neu if there were no mets. It is something to watch out, personally it was one of the happiest times of my life, I was so happy to feel well again.

had chemo in posh private room so smell was of designer interior circa 1983 (think shades of peach and blue), that made me feel sick too

well done to little malt and little green eyed cat (kitten)

malt It is frustrating, the tiredness. I was lying around most of the day in the end but you are getting there, you might even miss it, apparently grin

Bit cross with M&S, they have pink ribbons everywhere and a special sexy bra and knickers set in pink and black that they will donate 20% from the proceeds to Breast Cancer charities displayed in the window and the front of the department but after I finally found the mastectomy bras hidden in the bowels of the shop (actually moved even further into the bowels than they already were), they didn't have a single even vaguely sexy mastectomy bra in 36B angry To get one of the sexy ones it appears I will have to get new boobs with at least a DD. May have to do one of my letters....


I agree with the feeling down at the end of treatment - it really hit me after rads- felt quite abandoned- but this is very very common.
Poor malt - you are allowed to grizzle.
pigeons - bah about nice mastectomy bras- the fancy pink ribbony bras would irritate me hugely... haven't noticed them in our M&S yet.
Mum in operating theatre -so fingers very crossed for her xxx

kitkat1967 Sat 05-Oct-13 21:40:29

well I'm back with you all now. slept on and off all day until about 6pm and since then have been feeling much better (even did some ironing and had tea!!).

So - Happy Birthday to the birthday twins. Topsy I hope the mexican feast is going well - the food looks great. Gig - did you have a family meal planned?

MAS - hope your mum is sorted now- fingers crossed.

Betsy - so far I'd say anything is better then FEC nausea but I am only 1 down 8 to go on Paclitaxel so I reserve the right to change my mind on that if necessary.

Pigeons - M&S bras sounds annoying - def worth a letter.

I am actually very concerned about how I will cope once all the treatment is finished - so far I've just plodded along getting on with everything, no drama, no upset but I am worried about being 'cut free' so to speak - I'm sure it will be the biggest challenge for me.
Plus I like all of my team so it will be odd when the routine ends.

On the positive smile I'm counting down to LGFB which is on Tuesday morning - yippee. In fact I'm out on Monday, Tuesday and Friday next week so stuff to look forward to (plus chemo on Weds hmm).

There really should be a kind of follow up thing for the ending of treatment - after months of being loo ked after you are more or less cast adrift. It is really very difficult to adjust... I relied a lot on my bcn for support- I do realise now how lucky I was with her.

topsy & hnd those churros look magnificent

foofooyeah Sun 06-Oct-13 04:33:31

Groundhog Day. Awake at 4.30 again, but nobody to blame today!

jchocchip Sun 06-Oct-13 05:36:03

Morning foofoo are you still awake?

foofooyeah Sun 06-Oct-13 05:46:34

Yes, did a bit if painting but now back in bed. Not much planned today so can snooze when I choose.

malteserzz Sun 06-Oct-13 05:52:56

I'm awake too would love a full nights sleep hmm

malteserzz Sun 06-Oct-13 10:25:40

Morning again
Foo foo what so you paint ? Did you and Jchoc get back to sleep? I did and am still not up
I am miserable still enough said about that hmm
Hope everyone has a good day
MAS how's your mum ?
Topsy and Hnd any hangovers this morning ??
Gigs hope you had a nice day and meal

smee Sun 06-Oct-13 11:44:04

Morning all. Too much coffee here. <wired> Special hugs for all those who didn't sleep. Malt, have you anything to look forward today? Supposed to be sunny, so maybe that'll help.

MAS, did your mum's op go okay?? Expect you're visiting, but really hope she's okay.

End of treatment is really tough and you're so right kitkat, as not having the slog of treatment leaves reality room to flood in. When I was making the decision about preventative mastectomy, I had to see a psychiatrist as part of the consent process. She likened it to Post Traumatic Shock Syndrome, as at the time of the trauma you're hunkered down surviving, but once you're free is when it hits. I thought that was ott at the time, but with a bit of distance can see it makes sense. Does get easier as the years go on, but it's no surprise that I'm still on this thread 3 years on...

Anyway, sun's shining. Better get on. Am wondering how shoddy, Topsy and HND are feeling today. grin

foofooyeah Sun 06-Oct-13 11:46:13

Malt I am just painting random bits of furniture! Painting all my old pine stuff for a revamp. Sometimes wish I hadn't started. Met a friend for coffee just after eight, then mini snooze on sofa.

Sorry your miserable malt: I'm feeling a bit bleugh myself. Bit fed up of this so called 'journey' already.

foofooyeah Sun 06-Oct-13 11:47:22

Morning smee

smee Sun 06-Oct-13 13:29:26

waving to foofoo. smile You must be knackered. Can you find a good film to watch? Deflect the bleugh..

dad and T off to visit mum- am assuming all went well-dad will report back !
Am going to visit tomorrow as didn't want to have too many of us squashing around the bed...

topsyturner Sun 06-Oct-13 14:22:56

I am not hungover !
Mainly because I ate soooo much food I think it soaked up all the booze grin

phew topsy !! all looked delish xxx

malteserzz Sun 06-Oct-13 14:30:47

Good plan topsy smile
MAS good idea to spread the visitors out a bit
Foo foo I'm fed up of the bloody journey too !
Smee I was going to be miserable and say I have nothing to look forward to but then I remembered downton tonight grin

malteserzz Sun 06-Oct-13 14:30:47

Good plan topsy smile
MAS good idea to spread the visitors out a bit
Foo foo I'm fed up of the bloody journey too !
Smee I was going to be miserable and say I have nothing to look forward to but then I remembered downton tonight grin

reallyreallyworried Sun 06-Oct-13 16:19:40

Hi all

May I join foofoo and malt in feeling rough today sad I was doing so well and even slept okay ish last night. But have spent the day sat watching tv, and feeling sore! My shoulder is aching, really aching! Feels like someone is dragging on my arm sad

I know some of you are going through far worse, but really feeling crap today. Roll on tomorrow, and hopefully a better day all round.


malteserzz Sun 06-Oct-13 18:56:27

Sorry to hear that really have you got painkillers you can take ?
My day has been chilled but ok looking forward to X factor downton and TOWIE tonight smile

reallyreallyworried Sun 06-Oct-13 19:28:36

Hi malt have taken some painkillers but they haven't really done anything. Problem is it's not really pain, so much as aching?! Odd!! Very uncomfortable. But hopefully it won't last long.

You sound a bit cheerier smile enjoy your evening. Xxx

kitkat1967 Sun 06-Oct-13 19:40:52

Sorry to hear that so many of us are not having a great day today - hopefully foofoo, Malt and Really will be feeling less rough tomorrow.

I've had a lovely day (sorry) - watched DS team in a rugby tournament in the morning (they won shock - so much excitement there), then met up with my golf team after a match and had tea with them (obviously i'm not playing at the moment!!), then picked up DD from weekend away, then home for nice dinner cooked by DH. Busy but manageable smile. Felt a bit tired and achey first thing but that's gone now so I hope the Tax effect has worn off until the next dose.

Joining Malt to wait for Downton.

LadyBeagleEyes Sun 06-Oct-13 19:49:28

So true about M and S and their bras.
I had my mastectomy 10 years ago and even then they were doing BC campaigns but you couldn't find one for love nor money
I eventually had a reconstruction, but that was after resorting to the Amoena catalogue. Does that still exist, it used to come in a brown paper envelope?
Swimming costumes and bikinis were another that was impossible to get.
Sounds like they haven't changed much but they're not the only shop.

reallyreallyworried Sun 06-Oct-13 19:53:22

Glad you had a lovely day KitKat xx

foofooyeah Sun 06-Oct-13 20:42:25

really come and join me and malt and our pity party.

Looking forward to Downton though and then shall be off to bed.

Tomorrow will be better.

malteserzz Sun 06-Oct-13 20:51:35

Kitkat I'm glad you've had a good day too no point us all being miserable smile

foofooyeah Sun 06-Oct-13 22:43:55

And even Downton was miserable !! Bedtime.

kitkat1967 Mon 07-Oct-13 06:54:39

Morning - does the lack of posts mean that everyone slept all night - I do hope so.

I'm up with the kids and then going out for coffee with some mums from DSs school - something I can't normally make so looking forward to that. Then got to work this afternoon sad.

reallyreallyworried Mon 07-Oct-13 08:05:17

Morning kitkat I'm sadly a non sleeper sad think I saw every hour on the clock! As for not posting, didn't want to leave a pile of whiney posts for you all too wake up too! So I'll shut up now! I'll leave those having a better time, to share their happier posts!

Hopefully I'll be back a bit cheerier soon.

Hope foofoo and malt have a better day xx

Wishing everyone else a good day xx

BetsyBoop Mon 07-Oct-13 08:09:44

Morning everyone. I hope folks are feeling a bit better today?

I feel like I slept most of the weekend I did! but the end result is I'm not feeling totally knackered just sitting still, so it obviously did me good.

Off to visit the kids at (my work) school this afternoon. Not seen them since the end of June, so I bet they are all grown up now as they are now in Y3. (Or maybe that's just my Y3 DD?)

Wish it was Thursday already, just want the last one done now.

Oh and MAS small world, your DH coming from down the road from me. smile I have quite a few cousins that live in and around the Ollerton/Newark area still.

BetsyBoop Mon 07-Oct-13 08:12:42

X-post really <hugs>.
I can definitely recommend getting out for a walk if you can. Even on days when I've really had to force myself to go out I come home feeling much better. smile

going out for some air is really good idea - I go a bit mental if indoors for long !
betsy -it is a small world- dh was v eager to get out of Ollerton asap and to be frank it is quite dismal -though the countryside around is lovely. MIL lives there so we do go up fairly often-other ILs live in Arnold and Carlton. T loves it there but he loves anywhere you need to travel to and is very keen on family stuff,bless him. I am avoiding a half term visit by working (and the stress of going away) (guilty as MIL says she'd like to see me)

malteserzz Mon 07-Oct-13 08:32:30

Foo foo downton was uncomfortable viewing wasn't it hmm
Betsy enjoy going into school bet they will be pleased to see you

topsyturner Mon 07-Oct-13 08:47:07

Morning All

Mas how's your mum today ?
How long do they think they will keep her in for ?

Gigs you're quiet , did you party too much on Saturday ?

Ruby how are you doing ?
Hope you've made some lovely new friends and are settling in at uni x

Amber I am loving seeing your pics
You've seen some fantastic places !

DH gone to work , DC gone to school , coffee in one hand , remote control in the other . Downton here I come !

Shootingatpigeons Mon 07-Oct-13 09:12:07

MAS how is your Mum? Sounds like she is on another of these long painful journeys. Hope they are keeping her comfortable.

Topsy no hangover confused and I 'd got you several litres of fat coke as well.....

I'm afraid i'm giving up on Downton now we have crazy Carrie and my favourite orange man (and I have soft spot for Mandy Patinkin who I have seen in a couple of musicals, he sometimes slips in references) back on t'other side

gigs and I are on a jaunt today, it'll be like Thelma and Louise but with a blue badge, though some debate about who is the young blonde pretty one so maybe it is two Thelma's.... grin just have to take the carful to the dump that DH has been saying he will take for the last week angry getting a bit fed up of him treating me like the default option whenever he doesn't feel like doing something, he isn't the one that has to go to work anymore hmm

Shootingatpigeons Mon 07-Oct-13 09:13:25

Note topsy MY favourite orange man, mines grin

smee Mon 07-Oct-13 09:15:27

Yes Gigs, come back. Hope quiet just because busy. xx

Getting out definitely a good idea if you can, really. Hard some days, I know.

Betsy is your DD at same school you work at? Yr3 is when they start to grow up I think, but they're still so teeny. smile

Have a nice coffee with the other mums, kitkat.

MAS, hope your mum's okay-ish when you visit. Are you taking your dad? Can't remember if he's still okay to drive or not, but all that too-ing and fro-ing must be tiring for him.

Wishing everyone an okay day. Better do some work..

Lilymaid Mon 07-Oct-13 09:25:01

I've come back from a lovely weekend away (another of my "good" weekends). Great weather - nice places to visit, good B&B and evening meals and all finished off with a fairly posh afternoon tea out (left over cakes and scones can be transferred to trolley).
After 5 lots of tax (and the cold DH kindly gave me) I am feeling much more tired than earlier in treatments. Next chemo is on Thursday and may be my last unless Oncologist thinks I need 8 rather than 6 (in which case I shall probably be asleep all November).
Tax side effects are starting to get to me now I don't really get an almost normal period in the cycle. Skin under nails now quite brown. Finger tips and soles of feet rather numb. Slight nausea fairly constant (though I managed to eat a 2 course meal - and ate afternoon tea - without mishap). Slightly regret now that I decided not to see Onc for 6 weeks rather than the usual 3 as I now have to wait until the end of this month to see what is next on the plan.
< scurries off to find dark hole for hibernation >

BetsyBoop Mon 07-Oct-13 09:45:16

I hope Thursday is your last one too Lily. I don't think I could cope with 6 rounds of tax, let alone 8! <takes hat off to Lily>

Smee I work at a different school to DD/DS. I used to volunteer one afternoon a week at my DC's school and I'm a governor there, so it is interesting to compare the two. The school I work at is a good school, but I think I prefer my DCs school for most things but then I'm biased

pigeons and gigs have a lovely day out smile

MAS how's your DM? (and DF, must have been a shock for him too)

Well I've managed to walk the school run without feeling totally wiped out today (I was wiped out after it every day last week...) - so good to feel a bit better, but it looks like my "good week" is going to be a "good 3 days" this time! Still when I start feeling better next time I know it's just going to carry on hopefully and it's not getting better ready to do it all again smile

am seeing mum this afternoon- friend S is joining me-am off to Waitrose to stock up on treats. Dad going this evening - he can drive ok- so that's a relief. Think ma will be there for some time (it was over 3 weeks last time) everything complicated by Parkinson's sad but we'll get through it. Thank goodness for my car park pass and that there's a Costa there. I think my car could take itself to hospital as it's such a familiar route ! Actually,am pleased it's not mid winter as roads to it are v treacherous in bad weather.
Have a jolly Thelma and Louise day with gig pigeons
love to all xxx

curiously,think it'll be a nice break for my dad as he is mum's carer and he does practically everything for her. He can do some work and painting and generally go off to do stuff he can't otherwise do,so it'll give him a boost. As always,he is stoic as is my mum.

BetsyBoop Mon 07-Oct-13 09:57:11

Never thought of it that way MAS but yes it's good your DF can recharge his batteries and have a bit of "me" time while your DM is in hospital. smile

Lilymaid Mon 07-Oct-13 10:02:32

<Gratefully accepts hat from Betsy and puts it on bald head>
Betsy - you've had a worse time than me. I have had just tiredness and nausea (apart from the fingers and feet). I haven't got rid of the metal mouth this time, so need to keep sipping as much water as possible.
MAS, my DM also had Parkinsons and my DF cared for her. DF was very glad of any visitors to make the days seem a little brighter. DM was very frustrated with her condition having been a very active person ... horrible illness to have.

BetsyBoop Mon 07-Oct-13 10:38:44

Well I don't know whether to be pleased or depressed....

It was Harvest Festival at Church yesterday and they distribute food parcels to the old and sick of the parish (as well as donating a load of stuff to the local food bank). I've just had a knock at the door with a huge parcel of food for me! It's nice that they think of me, but I don't think of myself as old or sick, although I guess I an officially sick aren't I? sad

At least we didn't get any of the stuff that DD & DS took into school on Friday back again!

seriously weird moment...

malteserzz Mon 07-Oct-13 10:49:04

Sorry Betsy but that has made me laugh I'm sure their hearts were in the right place but it is a bit weird ! Any goodies in there or is it out of date tins from the back of people's cupboards ? grin

Gigs and shooting hope you have a lovely day

Lily glad you had a good weekend

KurriKurri Mon 07-Oct-13 10:56:08

Morning all - sorry to have been AWOL recently - things rather difficult on the home front, and I would be of very little use to anyone!
But am trying to keep up with posts and on FB, and of course keeping you all in my thoughts. xx

Hope those on treatment aren't feeling too awful atm. and good luck to anyone with appts/treatments this week.

MAS - hope Mum is comfy - hopefully Waitrose goodies will cheer her up a bit smile

Gigs and Shooting - have a lovely jaunt smile

Love to all xx

aw betsy that was kind, but also shock to be thought of as 'sick'
DM was very active before all this Parkinson's - rode her bike everywhere,saw her pals- very very frustrating-and dad,although 80 is hugely active and it is very hard for him.

huge hugs for you dear kk - xxxxxxx

Lilymaid Mon 07-Oct-13 11:08:32

<checks outside in case our church has donated collection of value tins whilst we were away>
The only hamper I've received was a healthy one sent by one of my work suppliers!
Oh well, their hearts were in the right place - and any tins can always be redonated to the food bank. Any donations of home baked cakes, biscuits, pies, crumbles being more than welcome at home of course!

topsyturner Mon 07-Oct-13 11:16:06

You ok kk ?

Betsy sorry , but another one sniggering here grin

Betsy - I smiled when I read you'd received a food parcel. People are very sweet, but sometimes you don't want to be reminded that you're sick. Enjoy any cakes / biscuits or chocolate contained within!

MAS - very sad to hear about your Mum's Parkinsons - it's a truly horrid disease. I hope your Dad gets a break and some r&r whilst she recouperates.

I'm back to see my consultant tomorrow and am preparing a huge list of questions, as is my usual way. Can anyone talk to me about Arimidex vs Tamoxifen - side effects, likelihood of being given this, experiences etc? I trust your judgement and views far more than info gleaned from Google.

Right, off for a walk now to make the most to the sunshine. Hope everyone manages to have a good day x

BetsyBoop Mon 07-Oct-13 11:21:55

Still sat giggling here, DH found it highly amusing. I've posted a pic on FB for your perusal.

All the tinned/dried stuff is heading for the food bank later. Keeping the maltezers and tin of shortbread though and DH has his eye on the jar of homemade courgette chutney with old lady writing on the label which I think is the lady at church who makes amazing chutneys!

foofooyeah Mon 07-Oct-13 11:25:16

I'd love a food hamper grin save me having to go shopping.

Yes I too was avoiding posting as such a grumpy git BUT did get a better nights sleep.

I also want a Thelma and Louise day out, I am envy

Nothing to report otherwise except am off to wash my hair and shall see how much s there at the end. Haven't been washing or brushing it in the hope of retaining some but it's now a bit itchy. What a skank eh?

foofooyeah Mon 07-Oct-13 11:26:04

Old lady writing grin grin

smee Mon 07-Oct-13 11:49:18

Giggling here, Betsy, though I'd have been a bit hmm too. Definitely the right way round to like your DD's school a bit more than the one you work in. smile

(((hugs))) for Kurri. Hope it's just a temporary bit of gloom. xx sad

Handbags, not sure if this is useful or not, but chemo did for my periods (3 years ago, I was 44) and am officially through the menopause, so thought I'd be switched to an Aromatose Inhibitor like Arimidex, but was told new research says stay on Tamoxifen for 10 years. Here's a link, but worth reading round maybe before your appointment maybe. Obviously the rationale varies dependent on your individual tumour/ circumstances.

kitkat1967 Mon 07-Oct-13 11:50:47

sorry Betsy but I smiled about your food parcel too - but def get stuck into the maltezers smile

I can't believe that Betsy and Lily have only 1 more Tax each - great news. I guess if I hadn't had a break for surgery I'd be there too but at the moment it seems an age away.

Had a nice morning out but got to do some work now and then have a parcel delivery expected for between 3 and 6pm so need to fit in a walk before then - it's a beautiful day here again so need to make the most of it.

kitkat1967 Mon 07-Oct-13 12:35:56

x-post with Smee but Handbags if it's any help it has been mentioned that I may get Tamoxifen for up to 10 years (rather than the 5 advised up to now) due to new research - I am 45. I'm not at that treatment stage yet so not confirmed.

Hello all,

Unfortunately I've not been AWOL because I've been out making friends or having fun but because I seem to have developed some kind of illness. I've had tummy issues since my procedure the other week so wonder if they accidentally introduced bacteria, or just irritated things, with their poking around, or maybe just a coincidence. I'm having some tests to find out what's going on. Over weekend have started feeling sick constantly too, threw up so violently on Friday that I've pulled a muscle sad on domperidone and cyclizine but not making much difference, although haven't actually been sick since Friday. My parents came and brought me home yesterday as I would've been coming home today anyway, CT early tomorrow morning!

Bit of a long ramble, sorry. I'm just getting a bit fed up of two steps forward, one step back. I finished chemo almost three months ago and I'm nowhere near being able to participate in "normal" life as still can't go out much etc. Will be having words with my surgeon next week smile I just wanted to make new friends and start term without being the cancer girl still, especially as I'm now not having any active treatment so I don't think people really understand why I'm still having so many health problems, and I really don't want to have to go into details about my bowels!

greeneyedcat well done to your DS, that's fabulous! I have an acquaintance who goes skydiving a lot, I find the very idea terrifying so DS must be very brave smile

HND your Mexican feast looked absolutely fabulous! I am very jealous and will be visiting you for my birthday next year winkgrin I hope one day I have a friend as close as you and topsy seem to be smile bugger about another surgery but hopefully that's it for scalpels and will put an end to all the issues so you can finally be free!

shooting and gigs have a fun day out, sounds very exciting! You are both young and pretty, although don't know if that makes you Thelmas or Louises as was long before my time haven't seen the film grin

KK massive squishy hugs for you and cake and flowers and wine if you need it! I hope things get easier, do post here or on the Facebook group if you need anything smile xxx

MAS so sorry about your mum, although good the op went well. It's good your dad is getting a break but shame it is because mum is injured, would he perhaps consider some kind of respite type care? My neighbour cared for her elderly husband for many years after he had a stroke, and he used to go to a respite place every so often so she could go on holiday with her sister or just have a few days to herself. I know it's hard though, she used to feel quite guilty about it.

handbags good luck with consultant tomorrow, nothing useful from me afraid!

amber your sharing of holiday photos etc definitely not coming across as showing off, it's lovely to see you having a good time, although doesn't sound like you're able to relax much. Difficult with mammogram hanging over you as well, stupid cancer.

topsy I hope you're enjoying your telly and coffee in peace. I'm alright thanks, just a bit bleurgh. How are you? Did you enjoy your birthday?

I will leave it there as this is getting rather long but waving to everyone and hugs to those who need them, hope everyone who is sleeping badly manages a nice, restful day x

smee Mon 07-Oct-13 13:49:56

Oh no, poor you, Ruby. sad Does sound like an infection of some sort. Hope CT gives a clear steer and they can sort it pronto xx

HerNextDoorAt21 Mon 07-Oct-13 13:53:59

oh no ruby I am really sorry to read that you are having problems and I can totally understand how you want to be just "ruby" and not "poorly ruby" I am SO hoping they get you sorted. You can come over here anytime for any sort of feast your heart desires !!

MAS hope your mummy is OK and she enjoys her treats - my mum was hospitalised for a while after a fall and yes it did give a bit of respite for my family to freshen her place up etc.

gigs and pigeons I hope you are having a great day

I hope the ladioes who were feeling fed up are feeling a little better today

As for me, apart from the Mexican Feast, I have done very little this weekend compared to my normal mad weekends (topsy knows how mental my life is !!!!!) I am at work wondering and find that my motivation has got up and gone today sad

KurriKurri Mon 07-Oct-13 13:55:04

Massive hugs to you too Ruby - I'm so sorry you are feeling poorly, - it must be so frustrating for you sad I hope they can get it sorted out asap, - good luck with the tests smile

I am OK - just dealing with a lot of marriage 'stuff' - and not sure how, or when or if it is all going to end up, which is a bit exhausting and doing my head in frankly.

Sorry not to be more chatty - but am thinking of you all, and am reading your posts even if I don't comment on them - love to all xx

HerNextDoorAt21 Mon 07-Oct-13 13:55:21

PS topsy's peace was shattered when I called round for coffee this morning - I had forgottent to take my tablets again so called home .... maybe thats where I left my motivation !

HerNextDoorAt21 Mon 07-Oct-13 13:58:30

oh kk I'm sorry you are going through the marriage mill, I have been there myself and PM if you want to offload to someone who has een there sad

malteserzz Mon 07-Oct-13 14:05:10

Big hugs ruby sorry to hear you're having a tough time health wise hope it's something that's easily sorted and you can get on with uni life ASAP x

Kurri big hugs to you too must be hard emotionally x

KurriKurri Mon 07-Oct-13 14:11:18

Thanks all - you are very kind xx smile

amberlight Mon 07-Oct-13 14:41:03

Ruby, eek re yet more medical stuff for you.
KK, hugs from me too.
Waving to all.
Last day aboard the Jolly Pirate. Sort of sad but not.

BetsyBoop Mon 07-Oct-13 15:08:41

Big <hugs> for Ruby and KK

KK sad sorry to hear things are difficult. I hope you can sort things out so you are both happier but it's complicated I'm sure. Don't worry about not being chatty! More hugs xx

HND maybe topsy has borrowed your motivation and is using it to get up to some kind of mischief, I hope it comes back soon smile were you able to relax more this weekend then?

amber sad/smile for end of holiday!

Thank you all for the hugs. I am looking forward to getting this CT scan over so they can confirm there is ABSOLUTELY NO CANCER LEFT <stern face>

Gigondas Mon 07-Oct-13 19:55:31

Ruby- am sorry you still feel so yuck and really hope this ct scan gives an answer. You are completely within your rights to want to feel normal and get on with life, not have ongoing issues.

Kurri -hugs and love from me.will be thinking of you but do post if you need.

Amber- holiday looks amazing , hope you have a smooth stress free trip home.

Mas sorry to hear about your mum - hope she is doing ok and snacks help .

Hnd -cooking for our lady tipsy of the gut lords is more than a task most could take on.

Topsy sounds like you had good birthday. I had a lovely day as was spoiled rotten by mr gig with lots of lovely presents (and great card by mas) then went out for dinner with friends on Saturday. I was smug as didn't suffer hangover as can only drink a little. However late night/mini gig/sore arm and insomnia have left me knackered so even lurking but not posting .i do appreciate the birthday wishes .

Pigeons and I had a lovely day out despite me being sleepy. If anyone wants to join is next time for art/lunch and tea they would be welcome.

Seeing the Australia exhibition reminded me of something that malt could do to stop boredom. You could watch some vintage Aussie junk tv - return to Eden, thorn birds, flying doctors, blue heelers or the Sullivan's.
Also this week I am challenging you for your views on Sinittas melt down over Simon cowell.

Nj - hope mortgage gets sorted and will be on box for you about next scan.

Hi to betsey smee really kitkat And any others I have missed. Bedtime for me soon (in new Silk pyjamas provided by mr gigs).

BetsyBoop Mon 07-Oct-13 20:07:50

phew busy day today, what with my harvest hamper shenanigans this morning, then GPs trying to cancel my blood test on Wed as they are short staffed (after speaking to practice manager and getting very assertive with the "I have cancer you know" card, I managed to re-arrange it for tomorrow and avoid a 2+hr trip to the hospital for a 2 minute job...).

Then this afternoon I visited my work school - so lovely to see everyone. My 1-2-1 says he is really missing me and kept asking when I was coming back (very stiff upper lip needed so as not to cry!). Then swimming lesson x 2. Goos job I seem to have rediscovered a bit of energy today, tired now though!

gigs glad you enjoyed your jolly with pigeons and your birthday.

ruby that CT scan had better show ABSOLUTELY NO CANCER LEFT or it will have me to answer to grin

amber have loved your holiday snaps. Sounds like you are a bit like me, nice to go away, but also nice to get home again to your own bed. smile

<waves> to everyone else.

trice Mon 07-Oct-13 21:23:16

Jennifer Saunders is doing a Web chat to tout her book. I am maintaining a reserved silence. I would want to be accused of attention seeking. After all this cancer lark is no big deal as anyone can tell by reading this thread. Daft mare.

Good luck with scan Ruby, I hope your infection is dealt with ASAP so you can enjoy uni.

I am starting another cycle tomorrow, having really enjoyed my week off. Also going to see Paul Foot (a really odd comedian) with sil as no one else would go with her.

gigs birthday sounds lovely but sorry you're worn out from various things, I hope the silk pyjamas are very comfy and help you get a better night's sleep tonight smile

betsy sounds like a very busy day, well done for being assertive with GPs. Lovely that the little one misses you, you're obviously very good at your job smile

trice maybe we should crash the webchat and get some attention hmm quite tempted to challenge her views - perhaps we should send shooting? Our Cancer Rep. We could give her a big flashing light up badge to wear. Good luck tomorrow, and I hope the comedian is entertaining! smile

Goodnight all x

BetsyBoop Mon 07-Oct-13 21:59:13

"perhaps we should send shooting? Our Cancer Rep. We could give her a big flashing light up badge to wear."

thanks for that ruby, I just spat tea all over my laptop! grin fab idea though smile

KurriKurri Mon 07-Oct-13 23:18:57

Oh hooray no - I am out on Thursday and will miss Jennifer's webchat
<wrings hands in an attention seeking manner>


Good luck with scan Ruby xx

Shootingatpigeons Mon 07-Oct-13 23:49:18

Ha ha Ruby Gigs and I had had exactly the same thought. We had lunch in big Waterstones and there were adverts for lots of book promotions coming up, but sadly JS has not volunteered to run the gauntlet of the two Thelma's with the stash of drugs and big pink sparkly badges! Big hugs Ruby for still not being able to get back to normal but hopefully it will come. My cousin complained of the same problems after her bowel surgery but with support she has found a way to make her bowels work around her life rather than the other way around.

KK big hugs too. Please do post if you need too. It's very two steps forward, one step back here and sometimes one step forward two steps back but we are going somewhere, not sure where confused

Malt Add Seachange to the list, has a nice aussie orange man in as well though might be hard to see him in a romantic light if you saw him being dispicable in that Kiwi thing with Elizabeth Moss shock Also look who Blue Heelers has grin

As you can see gigs and I were having erudite conversations about Australian culture and art, and not at all about the crap Australian soaps and totty the art reminded us of blush

Lovely day gigs I hope you get a restful night with no escapology

Betsy Food Parcels! grin Perhaps the metal taste of the tinned potatoes will cancel out the metal taste of the chemo like a minus and a minus equalling a plus. I know exactly how horrible those tinned potatoes taste as my mother used to fill the car up with tins of disgusting things when we went camping to France because of course they weren't as disgusting as French food confused, far better a Fray Bentos pie with tinned potatoes and carrots. It was a diet so crap that I was able to avoid going for a poo for a fortnight to avoid the actually truly disgusting French campsite squat loos.

Trice Enjoy Paul Foot, I do think he is funny but in a disturbing way...

By the way October 13th is apparently " Don't wear a bra day" That'll be interesting......

foofooyeah Tue 08-Oct-13 05:27:06

pigeons so glad you can make me snort with laughter at this ridiculous hours with the tale of camping 'bunger uppers' sorry I cannot remember the word for the opposite of laxative.

KK hope your ok? Never easy x

" I have cancer you know" I used that to shirty car park man the other day grin

Just a nice walk round the lake for me today and some furtive Johnny Depp spotting.

notJenkins Tue 08-Oct-13 06:54:35

Quick update from me.

My marriage is over. I am devastated and the children and I are moving out at the weekend. Things got nasty and he behaved in a horrific way and I can't stay with him. It also turns out his financial situation is far worse than he let me know about.
Luckily my folks have a house we can live in for as long as we need. I will be fine financially when the house is sold but it will be difficult until then. I will be down to half pay very soon due to the time I have had off work for my surgery and treatment but I really am not fit for work.
Sorry to be so miserable but I wanted to let you all know.

kitkat1967 Tue 08-Oct-13 06:56:44

Morning all.

Ruby - sorry you have more problems - hopefully you'll get the helpyou need from your team to get this latest issue sorted.

My sister told me about the 'Don't wear a bra day' - the whole thing is getting more ridiculous by the day - how does that help anyone?

Am up with the kids then off to my LGFB. Finally managed to find my hospital number last night - I need that to masquerade as an NHS patient so hopefully will no tbe rumbled smile. Luckily I went to the NHS clinic for diagnosis otherwise I wouldn't be allowed to go at all.
Oh and bloods first as next Paclitaxel tomorrow.

Gigondas Tue 08-Oct-13 06:59:38

Am all bouncy today as managed good nights sleep . I am going to borrow pigeons more often as she is clearly the key to sleep. Tho think mr gigs keen on lending mini gig out As her night waking bothering him.

I am trying to think on what to say to JS as do think we should say something. Tho the sycophantic tone on the questions there is a bit confused.

jchocchip Tue 08-Oct-13 07:07:56

Oh bollocks notj. (Hugs)

Gigondas Tue 08-Oct-13 07:34:02

Am sorry Nj - hugs here. And post away if you need an outlet as sounds very difficult but I do hope when you get thru all this. , things will be happier for you and your kids ( and the doggies).

foofooyeah Tue 08-Oct-13 07:35:36

Oh NJ, so sorry. I am glad there is somewhere safe fr you and your children to go to. It will work out ok. You have got through your recent health problems ... You can get through this x

jchocchip Tue 08-Oct-13 07:58:30

Handbags are you off for results today? Thinking of you.

BetsyBoop Tue 08-Oct-13 08:09:25

oh nj sad <big hugs>

trice Tue 08-Oct-13 08:36:01

Notj, I am sorry you are going through the ringer. Glad your parents can help out.

topsyturner Tue 08-Oct-13 08:40:27

Big hugs nj
So sorry to hear you are hurting xxx

Notj sad I'm so sorry to hear your news. So good you have somewhere for you and the kids to go and hunker down for a bit.

Jchoc - yup results at 1pm. Am quite frankly pooping myself. Am going to gym this morning to take my mind off it.

oh ruby I am sorry to hear that you've been so poorly sad -really hope CT scan is ok xx
kk am very sorry too to hear that things are rough and nj - loads of love to both of you.

I'd love to come up one day to join you gig and pigeons -would only take me an hour at most by car up the M3
I don't think dad would want mum to have respite care- they'd both hate it.

smee Tue 08-Oct-13 09:54:02

sad notJ. That sounds grim. Keep talking to us if it helps. Do the DC know yet? Are they okay? xx

smee Tue 08-Oct-13 10:06:16

Ruby, will keep everything crossed for reassuring CT. xx

Also keeping all crossed for you at 1pm, Handbags. Really hope it's the best of news xx

grin at the notion of Pigeons instructing JS. Top idea!

Also amused by Gig and Pigeons cultural conversations about orange Aussies at RA. grin

Silk pyjamas sound gorgeous, Gigs. I dropped a none-too-subtle hint I wanted some a few Christmasses ago, but got a set of lights for my bike instead. confused

Betsy, how sweet your 1:1 missing you sounds. I'd have blubbed am sure. smile

How was your mum yesterday, MAS? Hope the Waitrose snacks perked her up. smile

Enjoy Paul Foot, Trice. Really hard to get tickets for him. Huge cult following. you do realise you're cool.. grin

foofoo, Johnny Depp spotting?? Eh? Have the drugs got to you..? grin

kitkat, malt, worried hope you're all feeling okay today.

Who have I missed?? Amber, are you back from holidays yet? Hope home feels good when you are.

Waving to Jane, Kurri, and all who I've doubtless missed. Very hard to keep up!

smee Tue 08-Oct-13 10:11:36

btw, there was an interview with Michael J Fox in the Guardian yesterday. He's lived with Parkinsons for years and reckons 'Pity is just another form of abuse.' Bit extreme, but rather a good one to throw at annoying head tilters. grin

reallyreallyworried Tue 08-Oct-13 10:31:27

Trying to keep my moans to myself for a bit, because after reading some of the posts on here I can see I really need to give myself a good talking too/slap!!

But just wanted to say, NotJ I am very sorry to hear your news. I wish you and your children lots of love. Hope your family look after you and spoil you for a bit.

handbags and ruby good luck with your results today. Fingers firmly crossed for both of you.

kk hope things improve for you soon.

malt and foofoo hope you are both feeling better. I'm still at the pity party, but am working on it hmm

Sending lots of love to everyone else. Xxxxx

Trying to catch up but failing miserably but sending hugs to ruby notj and kk (and anyone else who needs it). Sorry you are all having a rough time. Hope your poor mum is ok mas

Sorry being of no support, still feeling unwell and exhausted. I can't get shot of this back pain and now my bp is steadily getting worse which onc says is nothing to do with Herceptin as it would make it go down not up. I've read the bumpf which comes with it and it says definitely not to be given to someone with uncontrolled bp and yet he wants to go ahead confused.

That's my moan over. Hope birthday girls had a super time and all the chemos are going as well as they can. Good luck for CT ruby

Shootingatpigeons Tue 08-Oct-13 11:54:43

nj I am so sorry, you really are getting the whole list of top life crises all at once. I hope you can recoup and recharge your batteries in a safe and peaceful place.

gigs perhaps we should meet up on Thursday for double challenge to JS. To undermine my usual bolshieness I wonder if that was a throwaway line between "mejia" chums that she may have regretted. I have a friend who is in advertising and when with colleagues she starts posing and spouting another language, it's like when kids try to big themselves up to be in a gang grin I think as mas has also experienced she can come over as having an illusion of superiority but often the people who do that are insecure. I am sure mas has also experienced that it is far from uncommon in Richmond hmm She is on anti depressants for some sort of menopause rage which I can't say is a S/E I have encountered, PMT rage, yes (I've handed it down to little pigeons, karma) so maybe it was a delayed reaction, everything is clearly not as hunky dory as she claims. Anyway could be a line she regrets having thought about it......and if she still thinks we are all badge wearing attention seekers then, well we are in the gang none of us wanted to join....

Also clearly I bored you into good nights sleep...

Foofoo johnny depp where? He has filmed around here a few times so I always tailor my dog walks accordingly but so far only managed to spot the odd pirate /British soldier/mad monk, pretend horse ( it was only the top half of a horse, the rest was on wheels, presumably for someone so valuable they couldn't be insured to ride a real horse, not even a dope on a rope hmm ) you know he turned up at a primary school in Greenwich when some child wrote to him about not eating sweets and cleaning teeth (creep) worth a try. Might be a bit of a shock when it is grown woman especially if you wear that nice hat you had on in Fbook pics grin they film a lot around here but Robert Downey Jnr, Jude Law? Also fail, though I stalked walked past the gypsy encampment for Sherlock. Of course had any of them spotted me they would have dropped everything, raced to my side and ravished me, fact.

really This is not a contest, it is perfectly normal to feel sorry for yourself and sad, as we have said the early days are the worst. The thing about this thread is that it is a chance to offload, to people who understand, hopefully it will help in the process of accepting what has happened and move on. It can be hard to believe that will ever happen but trust us it will. Of course having moved on there is still all of life's other shit that can be waiting in the wings sad no guarantees of happy ever after (unless you manage to bring yourself to the attention of Johnnywink)

smee saw that Michael J Fox interview, interesting. Also the fact that when he took drugs to mask his symptoms for filming he was accused of covering up the reality but when he appeared on television and the symptoms were only too apparent he was criticised for, well wearing it like a badge....

mas smee* and anyone else in reach of London , we will definitely let you know of next jaunt.

Shootingatpigeons Tue 08-Oct-13 12:00:34

And I am of course thinking of ruby and * handbags* and anyone else with scans and appointments coming up. I really can't retain all the posts (I am dyslexic) but as I read them my thoughts are with everyone.

gracie sorry you are having a tough time [hugs]

CT went alright, I will hopefully have results when I see the surgeon next week. I think this will be a yearly thing for the foreseeable future.

Went out to a cafe and had a cooked breakfast for lunch but then threw up in the park on the way home sadblushshock I am mortified.

notJ I am so sorry. What a horrible shock! I hope you and the children will be happier in time, and glad you've got somewhere to go. Is the house local?

gracie I'm sorry you're still feeling so rough, and doesn't sound like onc is being particularly helpful! I hope they get to the bottom of it all soon.

Betsy grin

shooting I did wonder if her comments had perhaps been taken out of context or were just throwaway comments, but would hope if that were the case she would've made an attempt to set the record straight

kitkat hope you enjoy LGFB!

Waving to everyone else x

Gigondas Tue 08-Oct-13 15:23:39

Good scan fine but not so good about throwing up. At least you have an excuse, my only public vomiting include have been drink related.

KurriKurri Tue 08-Oct-13 15:25:19

oh NJ - I'm so sorry, what an utterly shitty thing to happen sad And a hideous shock for you. I'm glad you have somewhere safe to stay while things are sorted out, lots of love to you and the children xx

Things are difficult here too - I have no idea how it will all pan out in the end. It is one steps forward to steps back and several to the side here Shooting! - and I'm finding it all very stressful sad

really - please do post your worries - that is that the thread is for, to support people through their difficult times (and talk about cake obv.) xx

Ruby - glad the CT went OK smile

Sending love to all - trying to catch up. I was at the dentist this morning and he stuck his pointy sharp thing into my teeth and made them hurt. Apparently the bone round my teeth is receding (or something like that) and he is 'concerned but not worried' confused - oh well I'll have to hope I don't wake up one morning having swallowed all my wobbly teeth!

waving to all.

Gigondas Tue 08-Oct-13 15:26:06

Trying to think of good way to ask JS a question but the tone of the q and a is the most bum licking I have ever seen.

One question is. "Have you ever been hurt by comedy trip"

We could ask what her views on pinktober are. I loved blog mas linked to on FB.

Ledkr Tue 08-Oct-13 16:12:32

Hi ladies.
I've popped in and out of here as my original dx was 20 yrs ago. I was 27 so opted for double mastectomy as likely it would come back due to early onset.
So today I got the results of my genetics and I have brca1
I'm really shocked and keep crying even though I've already had cancer and the op!!
I've now got to make a decision about my ovaries, why is that so daunting when I know I'm 46 and near to menopause anyway. My girls are little but will have to face this one day too.
I cried a lot about the bloody Injustice of it all, I know I'm lucky to have survived but my life has always had this shadow hanging over it and I'm finally angry.
Sorry for self indulgent post but I can talk to anyone else as I don't want to worry anyone.
I know I want my ovaries removed but its still a big decision.

Sorry going to be a self absorbed post as trying and failing to keep up here. Apart from Ruby argh to vomiting.....hope you're feeling better now and you don't have a repeat episode.

Saw my consultant. Cancer has all been removed from boob, but one of the three lymph node removed had some cancer cells. Consultant is optimistic that all cancer has been removed, but to be sure I'm back in surgery next Thursday to have more lymph nodes removed. I am absolutely gutted, in spite of her reassurances that next week will be my last surgery. I have cried for the first time since being diagnosed and don't have the strength today to phone / text / email all the people that I usually tell everything to and who have been so concerned about me. I'm just curled in a ball on the sofa watching crap TV with a headache. I've also now been signed of work for 4 months as following recovery from surgery I will be straight into chemo. Just like that, boom. I am quite shocked at the thought of not having to go to work, you'd think I'd be happy about that, but I am gutted that she thinks I'll be too unwell to manage it. I will also have CT and bone scans next week; also scared of them finding something else. Did someone open the paranoia box again - Pigeons please come sit on it for me and ensure the lid stays closed.

Consultant was lovely about it all, she was very reassuring and is taking the belt and braces approach, but I can feel a phase of self-pitying wallowing coming up.

On subject of JS - she is coming to the Book Festival in my local town this weekend. I was thinking of going along in my best pink sparkly bra and maybe some tit-shaped deely boppers for good measure - anyone wanna join me?

Where do you all live come to that (roughly obviously) - I'd love to know where-ish you are. Also where i can see Johnny Depp on a beach smile

Ledkr I'm so sorry to hear you've had such bad news. Of course it's a shock and you're quite entitled to feel upset and angry. You've made up your mind, you're going to have the surgery and this will ensure you're going to keep living for many, many more years. Put yourself in the hands of your Drs, but cry, scream and throw things too. That's what I plan to do later xxx

Ledkr Tue 08-Oct-13 16:37:24

Thanks handbags I hope that me being still here twenty years later might give you some hope. My tumour was very aggressive. A few women I know had gland involvement twenty years ago and are fine. Try to stay positive you are more likely to survive this than not! Much more likely x

Ledkr Tue 08-Oct-13 16:38:13

Are you in cheltenham??

Ledkr Tue 08-Oct-13 16:46:43

Are you in cheltenham??

Ledkr Tue 08-Oct-13 16:47:05

Don't know why I asked you twice

KurriKurri Tue 08-Oct-13 17:02:46

Ledkr - you have every right to feel angry at the injustice of it all.
And the prospect of any surgery, whatever stage of life you are at, is daunting, and being put in the position where you have to make these kinds of decisions is bloody unfair. So rant away if it helps at all smile

Handbags - its a total bugger when they find it in the nodes too and you have to have another op. - it's like being hit all over again, so no wonder you feel tearful. I know quite a few of us on here have been through first op then lymph node clearance then chemo etc - so hopefully we can support you through it all. Try not to panic to much about the chemo - there really is a big variation in how people are affected, you won't necessarily feel dreadfully unwell, and you will almost certainly have some days in your cycle when you feel OK. xx

Oh - and I am in Norfolk smile (small village about 8 miles from Norwich)

Ledkr Tue 08-Oct-13 17:07:29

Thanks kurri has anyone on here had their ovaries removed or gone through early menopause?
I'm scared of a hairy chin, wrinkles and putting on more weight! I'm quite vain I know!

Ledkr Tue 08-Oct-13 17:08:48

handbags I agree about the chemo. Not as bad as you expect I don't think! Maybe one crappy day then not too bad.

Gigondas Tue 08-Oct-13 17:12:26

Ledkr-smee has had breasts removed I think due to brca but don't ovaries yet. Think she was talked our of it. Am sorry that you had this news as must have been a shock .

Handbags - sorry you had bad news but as kurri and ledkr says lots had node involvement and are still here.

On a lighter note, it's gbbo tonight.

Ledkr Tue 08-Oct-13 17:25:18

What is gbbo?

Where is smee? Come to ledkr smee

smee Tue 08-Oct-13 17:29:56

(((hugs))) for Handbags. What a complete sod about that node. hmm. Still in one not all three is honestly a really good sign it's got no further. Collapsing and crying sounds sensible to me. Let us help, just talk and shout and scream. xx

Hello again Ledkr. nice to see you back, but wish it wasn't with the gene news. So sorry it was positive. I did the testing but mine came back was negative. Had already decided to have preventative mastectomy, but being negative and also post menopausal (mine kicked in early due to treatment) meant they persuaded me to keep my ovaries. I was 44 when I stopped my periods (at first chemo). 47 now and honestly not too bad. Have lots of hot flushes, but then that might be down to the Tamoxifen. I do find it harder to keep weight off, but still slim and about the same weight I was pre-cancer. Skin's okay atm, hair needs more conditioning, but that's okay too, oh and no whiskers to date. grin Ask anything you want though x

Glad CT's done with Ruby. Wish we could magic you the results sooner than next week. Hope no more sickness xx

Tooth problems sound not nice,Kurri. Definitely not what you need at the moment. hmm

Thanks lovely ladies, you're right, it does feel like going back to the start. And I've healed so well, so to be re-cut is a complete bugger. Ooh and I'll get a drain, how nice.

Ledkr I'm near Guildford. Come to Guildford and throw things at JS with me at the weekend (not that I've booked tickets to hear her talk, but will be mentally hurling things at her from the safety of my sofa).

Gbbo = Great British Bake Off. Rather a healthy interest in all things baked here (quite right too). grin

KK have you seen any tasty pirates on the beach near you?

reallyreallyworried Tue 08-Oct-13 18:07:59

Sorry to hear your news handbag but having just been through the same thing, I totally get how you are feeling. I apparently had 4 nodes removed during the first surgery. All of which contained Cancer Cells angry

I was also told I needed a CT scan and Bone Scan, and like you felt that I was going backwards because I needed more surgery.


The surgery part of my journey is now done. I won't lie and say it was easy, it wasn't. But it wasn't as bad as I was anticipating. The drain was clearly the worse bit for me, but not because it hurt or anything. For me I hated the fact that having the drain was a reminder that I was sick?? Up to now I haven't felt ill, I have been able to carry on like nothings happened! But suddenly every time I moved I had this thing with me!

BUT it doesn't stay for long! I am in a bit of discomfort at the moment, but no worse than the first time round.

I hope what I have said helps, and doesn't make you feel worse. It really isn't that bad. Honestly! It will be over before you know it. Then like me you can tick the surgery off your list! wink xxxx

I am glad the surgery is over. But in all honesty the surgery has been okay. It's the scans and waiting for results that scares the crap out of me sad

I have a bone scan on Thursday and then appointment with surgeon on Monday to find out how many of the nodes they removed contained cancer cells!!

Then I wait for an appointment with the Oncologist!!

You're right Really, waiting for results is mega-crap and scary and I hate it. Sounds like you and I may start chemo at the same time then?

Ledkr Tue 08-Oct-13 18:19:30

I visit pil in essex nr Guildford, if rather come out to play with you though!
smee thanks for that! My other friend was neg too even though her and two sisters have had bc!
Feeling a bit more balanced now. I've just had a thyroid op so the thought of more surgery is a bit shit!
I cuddled my little girls tiny body just now and feel racked with guilt that I may have passed it on.
I think today has triggered my anger at what life has thrown at me. It may be a good thing as I've spent twenty years with my hands over my ears saying la la la

reallyreallyworried Tue 08-Oct-13 18:28:21

Quite possibly handbag does that mean we get to compare notes? And give each other a hug/slap when needed wink

KurriKurri Tue 08-Oct-13 18:29:36

No pirates here - only seals!

ledkr - I had a hysterectomy at 38 and had one ovary removed, full menopause came when I started tamox. - I have put on weight (but I have thyroid problems and think it is much more likely caused by that than menopause, because I had very sudden weight gain)
wrinkles - I may have a few grin
chin hair - again the odd unwelcome chin guest has been spotted, but nothing my tweezermans can't cope with - we're not talking the full Brian Blessed!

Reading back that doesn't sound so good, but I've got lots of friends who've gone through menopause and haven't put on weight or got wrinkly and decrepit.

really and handbags - I know that other people on here have found it really helps when there are two or more of you at more or less the same stage of treatment - you can compare notes and swap tips! smile
But much love to you both - waiting for results is crappy and horrid xx

My teeth are fine really Smee - I don't have any pain or anything with the bone whatever-it-is, he is going to 'keep an eye on it' - no idea what he plans to do about it - maybe I should start stocking up with steradent grin

KurriKurri Tue 08-Oct-13 18:34:59

Oh meant to ask - has one of you lovely ladies sent me a FB friend request - (initials NC) ? It wasn't a name I recognised, but I am rubbish at remembering names.

Really I like the idea of a hug/slap grin

ledkr it's Guildford Surrey not Essex so miles from your PIL sad

kk I already get the tweezers to my chin - I will evidently get the full Brian Blessed then hmm. Maybe I could be bald Santa this Christmas.

malteserzz Tue 08-Oct-13 18:49:12

Handbags totally understand how you feel too, it's gutting when you find it's in the nodes mine was too though I'm having chemo first then full clearance

Ledkr sorry to hear your news too hmm but I guess it is better to know so you can be proactive about it

I've been trying not to post as I was just being negative been a crap week with lots of tears however today I've managed to drag myself out to watch ds play football and I do feel better for it smile

amberlight Tue 08-Oct-13 19:05:15

I'm back. Hugs all round, I think. Or wine. Whichever does the job.

kitkat1967 Tue 08-Oct-13 19:08:08

evening all - looks like it has been busy on here today.

Sorry you need more surgery handbags - I actually had my SNB done seperately to my mx so was planned as 2 lots of surgery - although of course that's easier to manage as plan is agreed. I think Malt is having to go back for nodes but is having hers done after the end of chemo.

I had a nice time at LGFB - met lovely ladies, all at different stages of treatment, - and as usual realised there are many worse off then me. Mainly BC but 2 bowel cancer ladies and one lovely lady (now 29) who had cervical cancer 2 years ago then spread to vaginal cancer then spread further so had 'everything removed' (her words) and has 2 stomas - what a lot to go through so young.
Got big goodie bag - some of which I'll palm off on DD but lots of nice stuff as well. Mine you the ladies running the session were really keen to slap it all on - I managed to tone mine down a bit though wink

BP was really high when I had bloods taken (and at last week's chemo) so had to go to GPs - got some tablets (different to the ones I had before).

kitkat1967 Tue 08-Oct-13 19:09:55

welcome back Amber - your holiday looked fantastic - I enjoyed see the photos.

malteserzz Tue 08-Oct-13 19:49:24

Kitkat I'm glad you enjoyed LGFB wish there were more things like that around smile

AngryFeet Tue 08-Oct-13 19:56:31

Hi ladies,

Thought I would post this here too to get some feedback.

Thanks xx

Gigondas Tue 08-Oct-13 20:57:23

Angryfeet I think smee puts it well on that thread -chances are it is something else but you do need it checked out. Is there a walk in place if gp tricky? And if it helps. We are all proof that there is life with cancer and after.

Right question for JS (who apparently did say on twitter she was misquoted).

In a recent Times interview you commented on cancer survivors as attention seeking-"You suddenly get so much attention, and if you're not used to that, I bet it can sway you a little bit."

These comments caused a lot of controversy ( including on here).
I don't think anyone would think attention would make up for having cancer and particularly coping with the fear of soars or recurrence.

You have since tweeted that this was a twisted representation of what you said. Have you any comment on what you meant to say?

Go for it Gig.

well said gig !
angryfeet it's very likely to be a skin thing rather than inflammatory bc,but certainly go to see GP or walk in clinic to be checked out.
Waving to ledkr Are you on fb ? a friend on Tamoxifen Ten group on fb had ovaries removed in her late forties,she could advise.
handbags I'm nearish you in Hampshire grin

foofooyeah Tue 08-Oct-13 21:48:32

handbags I was in guildford last week for my LGFB.

Just to clarify about Johhny, he was filming 'into the woods' at Virginia water lake, my preferred walking place. I only got chatted up my fat props man, but at my advanced aged I'm not fussy!

This thread today has had me with tears in my eyes and roaring with laughter, ledkr 'I don't know why I asked you twice' made me snort.

Talking of snorting was in Costa with a friend earlier talking about her MX next week, she is having that inflating thing, sorry me terminology is appalling. Anyway she was saying it was made if pigs skin: cue much squealing and snorting from us both. Got a few surprised looks.

foofooyeah Tue 08-Oct-13 21:49:19

Sorry to clarify the tears were for all of you having a rough time x

KurriKurri Tue 08-Oct-13 21:57:01

Gig - that's very good - are you going to post on the webchat? - it's all very sycophantic atm!

Angryfeet - I would go to the GP asap - not because I think you should be unduly worried - there are many unsinister things it could be I think - but because you are worried and the sooner you find out what it is the better - hopefully the GP will be able to reassure you, and even if s/he does refer you to the breast clinic, as you know from your previous experience that doesn't always mean it's something serious. Good luck x

Ledkr Tue 08-Oct-13 22:03:23

mas I'm not on FB no, maybe she could give you a summary. I'd like to know how horrible and life changing the menopause was?
My lovely son came to keep me company as dh is working.
He has kidney failure so kind if gets the "living under threat if illness" thing.

trice Tue 08-Oct-13 23:06:08

Well Paul Foot was a very odd man. Some funny points but mainly the sort of humour that ds comes out with. Sort of ranting and repeating the same phrase over and over.. Still - nice to be out.

Sorry to hear about everyone's troubles today.

I went through menopause at 34 when I was first diagnosed. Hot flushes are horrid and my hair went a bit dull but not too bad. I was just sad that we couldn't have dc3 that we planned.

They decided to up my dose of capecitabene today. So I have fearsome heartburn and stomach cramps. I need a hot water bottle, but we only have wheat bags and the microwave is bust.

Shootingatpigeons Wed 09-Oct-13 00:13:55

gigs Sounds good, was thinking on same lines. Why not post it with a few of our names, you can use mine. It might persuade mumsnet to post something not entirely sycophantic hmm

ledkr Chemo started my menopause around the second cycle. I was 43. I had no symptoms at all at first, but now I do get hot flushes and sweats at night which are a pain, and difficulty sleeping but that really didn't start until I finished Tamoxifen. I have also been diagnosed with Osteopenia in my hips (early stages of osteoporosis). I did take Calcium supplements throughout. I am now 56 and two of my friends have also been diagnosed with Osteopenia and they didn't have early menopause /chemo, and lots of friends have the hotflushes and sleeping problems so it was probably on it's way and didn't hit that early. A few friends started menopause mid 40s anyway.

I do have one cat's whisker but we have been playing hide and seek since my 30s. I pull it out and keep an eye out and as soon as I take my eye off the follicle it sprouts an inch in a day angry

handbags agree that news of involved nodes can feel devastating. I had all sorts of preconceptions that once it was in your nodes it was on the march and <does Les Dawson impersonation and looks skywards> In fact your lymph nodes are rubbish bins and it is common, lots of us here are in the node club. I had one but several of my friends had several, we are all still here.

I'm near a few popular locations, they filmed the last Pirate film at Hampton Court, and the gypsy encampment in Sherlock was in Richmond Park.

Nice weather ends tomorrow sad

PictureThis Wed 09-Oct-13 04:45:02

I can't sleep. My brain doesn't want to switch off. I'm having a contrast dye xray today to see what is going on with this portacath as it's definitely not working, they can't get any blood out of it. I suppose it's making me a bit anxious but one thing is for sure....back to theatre for me :-(
I saw my onc on monday. He's going to make the referral to St Thomas' for my radiotherapy so I will be in London for the whole of January. He also wants to put me on Tamoxifen for 10 years as opposed to Arimidex after my oophrectomy as he says the 10 year data is there and the results are good with tamoxifen, they only have 5 year data with the other drug. I'm happy to go with that. The boob is healing, just a few small scabby cracked areas but onc is happy for me to have chemo on thursday as he seems to think the chance of having a localised reaction is minimal now. Needless to say it won't be going in via the now redundant portacath, we're back to having it peripherally until the port is fixed. Even then, I only want herceptin through it, not the chemo as I don't think my poor boob could take another extravasation, I know I couldn't again.

NotJ I am so sorry you're having such a hard time of things, have a big hug ((())).
Topsy your birthday dinner looked immense but I was very disappointed there didn't appear to be any tequila grin.
Amber glad you're home safe and sound, waves to KK Gigs Pigeons Malt Smee Really and Kitkat and anyone else I haven't mentioned.

Gigondas Wed 09-Oct-13 07:24:08

Picture sorry you are to early. Am not surprised you are anxious after all the hassle of putting the portacath in. I will have fingers crossed it goes smoothly today.

If you are in London having rads maybe we can meet up. St Thomas is very good - my mum had her treatment there. And if you feel like being spoiled I know lots of nice nearby cafes .

PictureThis Wed 09-Oct-13 07:33:43

That would be great, what a lovely idea.

Ledkr Wed 09-Oct-13 07:37:24

Thanks to everyone who's replied to my whimpers.
Reading what some of you are going through makes me realise that this is nothing compared to having cancer and treatment which is hopefully the aim of all this.
Feel more balanced today, I think I was in shock as I really thought it would be negative and that I'd had my crap quota already.

malteserzz Wed 09-Oct-13 07:57:41

Morning all
Picture hope you get to find out what's going on today, great idea to meet up with gigs while you're in London smile
Ledkr glad you're feeling a bit better about things this morning
NotJ how are things, hope you are ok x
Amber good luck with all of the holiday washing !
Gigs good retort to JS. Have seen an advert for ok magazine where KP tells all about her baby including how she knows for definite that he is her husbands lol
Waving to everyone else, good morning smile

ledkr as far as I now she is doing fine without ovaries- she is now living in France and having a fabulous time,so any menopause hasn't spoiled that ! I do wonder when it'll hit me -no sign of anything stopping or changing despite capecitabine. Maybe i will never get it ! arf !

Gigondas Wed 09-Oct-13 08:21:05

I can see me caving in and buying that malt. Any thoughts on Sinitta and Simon cowell?

Seeing as we have a lot of stress/ tests and worry but also inspired by annoyance at JS, my thought of the day is which celebrities (Y) annoys you .

I have a lot but will start with gregg Wallace, James Martin and Angela rippon.

reallyreallyworried Wed 09-Oct-13 08:25:30

Morning all

picture wishing all the best for your x-ray today. Hope they get it sorted.

malt good to see you have your online smile back! Hope that means your feeling better.

Last day at my parents today, tonight I travel back. Ready for a scan tomorrow sad I'm dreading it! Someone please tell me that the bone scan isn't as bad as it sounds! It says it takes about an hour!! I'm thinking an hour lying still and 'thinking' is currently my idea of hell! I've tried so hard to NOT think about things, and now I need to try and not think about any of it, while I'm lying there!! hmm

I then see my surgeon on Monday. Do any of you know whether at this point it really matters how many nodes they removed contained Cancer? Currently 4 were removed and they all contained cancer cells. So now they have done a clearance, possibly none of the others will contain cells. But IF they do! Does more node involvement mean it's more likely to of spread? Will they continue to treat the same way, whatever they found?

Sorry if that doesn't make sense! Or sounds super paranoid! Just want to be prepared for what I might be told on Monday. Well as prepared as I can be!

Hope everyone has a good day. Xxxx

HerNextDoorAt21 Wed 09-Oct-13 09:32:22

Morning all, I will just wave to everyone as this thread has moved on so much since I last posted only two days ago !

special mentions to notj, I hope that your break up is as painless as possible, ruby I hope everything turns out well for you, so sorry you boaked in the park sad

gigs when you say celebrities (Y) ... what does the (Y) mean ? It looks like a bum .... did you mean which celebrities' bums annoy you or just celebrities in general ? Greg Wallace ..... it annoys me the way he almost always agrees with John Torrode on Masterchef and also the way he leaves the pudding spoon in his mouth for a prolonged amount of time when tasting puddings.

The biggest annoying person in my life at the moment is Ruby off GBBO !!!!!!!! agggggggggggggghhhhhhh she is SO annoying !

glad you liked the feast I prepared for topsy, I really enjoy being creative in the kitchen and topsy just loves to eat my food .... dont think I have made anything yet that she has turned her nose up at - even if she doesnt join us to eat, she often has "meals on wheels foot" and gets some delivered to her next door ! Only the other week I took her homemade profiteroles and her DD was waiting at the door with a spoon when I knocked lol

Just waiting for Mrs Surgeon to ring to see if I NEED to have this next surgery ... I am going to be bold and at the danger of tempting fate, say that the wee hole on my boobage has closed .... she may still need to do it anyway to correct any underlying problem but thought I would speak to her in case she can give my surgery slot to someone else if I don't need it.

kitkat1967 Wed 09-Oct-13 09:37:23

Gigs - can I put in Carol Vorderman, Christine Bleakley and Davina McCall. I do not watch anything presented by them on principle.


Am very excited that some of you appear to live fairly close to me. foofoo what is LGFB and why was it in Guildford?! I know Virginia Water quite well, used to walk around there with my folks when I was little looking at all the lovely azaleas. Is there still a totem pole there? Can I still see JD there?

Pigeons thanks for perspective on lymph nodes - just fed up about further surgery and the fact it'll stop me driving for a few days again and hamper my exercising efforts. DH works in Richmond which must be near you - he keeps telling me that the shops there are great for wandering around so now that it have all this time on my hands hmm I should venture up.

Picture hope it goes really well for you today.

Glad you're feeling better about your decision about surgery today Ledkr - sometimes it helps to sleep on things.

Really I know what you mean about being terrified of bone scan - dreading what it might unearth. Feeling a bit fingers in ears and going lalala about it. Be brave and you can tell me all about it xxx

Gig can you please add Catherine Jenkins to your list of annoying celebs? She makes me howl whenever I see her face / listen to her wailing singing.

Tired today, didn't sleep, brain doing cartwheels.....

Mmmmm HND homemade profiteroles.....mmmmmm envy

smee Wed 09-Oct-13 09:50:40

Bone scan's really not too bad, worried. Didn't take an hour with me - have had two of them, and I think about 40 mins. Think of a few songs you can hum in your head maybe, or a poem to try and remember.

With nodes, I think of it as a ladder so cancer from the breast will first hit the bottom rung of nodes closest to the breast. Their job is to hold/ stop it. The cancer tries to get past them and up the ladder of nodes into the rest of the body. So even if in the bottom few, doesn't mean it's got past them. I had cancer in 4 / 22 nodes. I think others have had more. it's clearly not ideal, but definitely not the end. Three years on, am honestly good, so take heart from that. xx

Picture, St Thomas's has a great rep. I'm in London too, so maybe could venture west for coffee too. Gigs, does seem mad we've never met! I blame you for living in West London. grin

How's the stomach cramps, Trice? Hope they've calmed down by now. sad

Ruby, how are you today?? Hope not still feeling sick. x

ledkr, it's such a huge deal finding out and must have been your worst fear. I always think knowledge is power though and means you're a step ahead now, so can protect your DD's and yourself from sodding cancer. Whimpering though is most definitely acceptable. smile

Fingers crossed for no more op, HND. smile

Sorry not to post to all, but got deadlines to meet. Am I the only person who has never seen GBBO??

BetsyBoop Wed 09-Oct-13 09:54:40

Really I had a bone scan in June, it's honestly ok. They inject the radioactive stuff and then you have to wait 2hrs - drinking as much water as possible as this gets clearer results. Then they make you as comfy as possible on the scanner table - they have loads of pillows so make sure you are comfy. The actual scan bit took about half an hour if I remember correctly and they do want you to lie as still as possible. The scanner thing moves down (or was it up?) your body taking the "pictures". I almost noded off a couple of times!

Getting all the tests to check for spread is very scary absolutely terrifying, I had to keep telling myself that the scans wouldn't chance/cause anything, they could only confirm what had already happened (or not). HUGE relief when they were all clear (I think less than 5% have mets at first diagnosis, so chances are you will be fine toosmile )

Yes the more "stuff" in your nodes the more it increases the chance of mets, BUT that's why they do the chemo and rads to reduce that chance as much as they can and kill off any "bits" that are are already on the move. Some folks have loads of nodes affected and never get a recurrence, some have clear nodes and get mets within two years, and I don't think they really understand why that is yet. (I still don't know about my nodes as I've not had surgery yet, I had a very dodgy looking one on u/s but everyone was surprised when FNA biopsy was clear - I'm not sure they believe it as FNA isn't 100% accurate!) It's taken me a while to get my head round not worrying about the stats, no one knows what side of the "line" we are going to fall, even if the chance of recurrence is 1% it can still be sh1t if you are that 1 in a 100...

right off to catch upwith the reswt of the thread

malteserzz Wed 09-Oct-13 09:54:49

I was going to say Katherine Jenkins too, also Eamon Holmes

Sinitta was on this morning yesterday Philip told her she was making things worse by constantly tweeting about it I agree with him

Gigondas Wed 09-Oct-13 09:55:58

Ah the y is random phone addition. Yes to Katherine Jenkins- all my tumours have had names of annoying people, fittingly Katherine Jenkins was name of my pain In the neck tumour.

Smee should definitely meet up-it does seem daft we haven't.

Hnd I hope that fact hole healed means no surgery but I can see how you want it healed properly . Ruby is annoying but I loathe beca more.

amberlight Wed 09-Oct-13 10:02:11

Reading through...and keeping fingers crossed for everyone as I do so.
Mammogram tomorrow at 9.40ish. Results next week on 15th in the eve.
cake brew biscuit on the trolley.

reallyreallyworried Wed 09-Oct-13 10:05:28

Thanks smee and Betsy knew I could rely on someone to share their experiences. I'm assuming that maybe they say an hour, because they include the set up time etc in that time? 30-40 mins sounds far more doable! Thankyou wink

I think I seriously need to get my appointment on Monday over and done with. Hopefully then waiting and worrying about results is over for a while. I can then feel that I am moving forward in beating this.


BetsyBoop Wed 09-Oct-13 10:07:11

kitkat right there with you on Davina McCall and Carole Vorderman they do my head in! Hope your chemo goes well today.

picture bugger re portacath sad

ruby hope you are feeling a bit better today. I hope the CT finds answers and the fix is easy.

HND fingers crossed no more surgery, you've definitely had your fair share already! Are you thinking of expanding your meals on wheels empire? she asks hopefully

gigs definitely post that qu to JS. She'd be better having a go at pinktober and bra free days rather than cancer badges...

trice hope the extra SEs calm down soon on your increased dose.

ledkr sorry you had crap news, but I'm with smee on the "knowledge is power" thing

<waves> to everyone I've missed.

BetsyBoop Wed 09-Oct-13 10:08:33

oh yes malt Eamon Holmes, add him to my list, grrr smile

BetsyBoop Wed 09-Oct-13 10:11:48

oh and celeb-wannabes - Katie Horseface Hopkins. She does. my. head. in. I shall name my boob lump in her honour grin

malteserzz Wed 09-Oct-13 10:13:41

Oh yes Katie Hopkins and Samantha brick

BetsyBoop Wed 09-Oct-13 10:17:46

yes yes yes to Samantha you make me want to smash your face with a Brick

malteserzz Wed 09-Oct-13 10:18:34

It's only because you are so jealous of her beauty though grin

BetsyBoop Wed 09-Oct-13 10:23:17

you are right, I am sooooo jealous NOT

kitkat1967 Wed 09-Oct-13 10:42:17

no celebs that I disagree with yet wink - I suspect that we'll have a comprehensive list soon.

chemo at about midday today so trying to get some work done first but not doing very well as am tried due to not sleeping well for the last week (not up for hours in the night but have been having very disturbed nights - waking lots of times etc.). May be a SE of the new chemo - will wait and see if it continues.

Malt - would sound brighter today - I hope that means you are feeling better this week.

AngryFeet Wed 09-Oct-13 10:48:50

Morning ladies. The gp noticed the area was inflammed and got a senior gp to confirm. They have put me on antibiotics and referred me to breast clinic again.

smee Wed 09-Oct-13 11:39:28

Kitkat, hope chemo session goes okay later. Another one done though. xx

Angry, that's annoying but good that you've got a referral. Hopefully the antibiotics will kick it into touch as it's an infection, but stick around here if you'd like to. We totally get how scary it all is.

Lilymaid Wed 09-Oct-13 11:42:50

Sixth (hopefully last, but who knows) chemo tomorrow. Only thing I might miss is the prawn and avocado salad I get at the hospital for lunch when I have chemo. If Oncologist tells me I must have two more chemos, I think I shall arrange to hibernate through November as I am feeling really tired now.
Picture sorry to hear of further problems with the portacath.
<Goes off to prepare nice comfy burrow for all of us having chemo this week>

malteserzz Wed 09-Oct-13 11:52:28

Kitkat your chemo cans round quickly again hope it goes ok, I do feel a bit better thanks less tired, metal mouth and mouth ulcer a lot better so can eat properly

Angry good that you've been referred we will keep you company while you wait

Lily fingers crossed for you that you won't need any more chemo

Morning Smee smile

smee Wed 09-Oct-13 11:53:52

Waving back to Malt. smile

Lily last one (hopefully!) is good. Does seem cruel of them not to tell you if you'll need more. When will they let you know? Soon surely. hmm

HerNextDoorAt21 Wed 09-Oct-13 12:01:17

..... talking about annoying and none of you will know this man ..... I went on a first aid course yesterday all day and the presenter who was called Fred kept saying ALL DAY and i mean tens and tens of times .... "Understand that ? Clear as mud ?" I was seriously ready to deck him !!!! Think I need anger management .... lol

BetsyBoop Wed 09-Oct-13 12:51:17

I really hope it is your last one Lily, we've had enough of tax now smile
<joins Lily in burrow-making>

Shootingatpigeons Wed 09-Oct-13 13:02:54

GBBO has become an annoyathon for me, Kimberley is the only one I can like. To be fair I am guessing they have asked them to do a commentary on what they are doing but that can be mastery of the art of stating the bleeding obvious. "I am just putting the vegetables into my plot" or very patronising year 7 food tech). Christine (Anne Reid) takes to patronising like a duck to water, and entitled. Little Pigeons said she reminds her of those tetchy teachers who are nasty to everyone if anything goes wrong, because it is never their fault. Last night we were just braced for what Mary and Paul could dredge up to be positive about teacher's pet Ruby's leaning shack in a wasteland and of course they fell for her "poor me! it's so bad" and eulogised confused. Little pigeons wonders if she is anorexic though, she says all the ones she has known at school, have been cake obsessed, and manipulative. sad is it just my imagination but were not previous contestants not just more charming but also more talented and artistic?

And my chief pet hate is Claudia Winkleman because she presented a BBC prom we went to and where all the other presenters, Jonathan Ross was one, presented to the audience and were part of the fun, she just switched it on for the camera and then off again, a total fake....

I have just added a supplementary for JS, a bit more abrasive, but if she likes to be abrasive she should like that, surely? <Cowers>

Angry we all know how scary the first steps are in getting a dx but honestly we have had lots of people come on here in your position, and most then disappear again after it turns out all clear. The uncertainty is the scariest part, once you have certainty, even if it turns out it is, what, amber calls a bit rude, then you know there are treatments and you can get on with it.

Really what smee said about a ladder is a really good analogy but also people have different numbers of nodes, rungs on the ladder. they removed 20 from me but some people only have for eg 9 so you get the results as 1/20. There are also further local nodes, in your neck and chest wall, it showed up recently in a node in a friend's neck ten years after treatment but they were surprisingly relaxed, it was still a local recurrence and they focused on hormonal therapy and menopause (which they would probably have done originally if she was diagnosed now), no chemo . Chemo and hormone therapy are insurance, in case any cells remain after surgery. My odds 12 years ago were 60%, but with just surgery they would have been 50%. It does the biggest job of getting rid of the Cancer. Now I gather they realise that my menopause will have added considerably to my odds, much more than chemo.

How is our lovely Ruby?

Seems like we have a local gang, will have to find a convenient bus shelter (we have met in virtual bus shelters in the past with cheap retro drinks)

Popping in very quickly to wave and say, touch wood, not feeling sick today! I will be back later but off to a meeting in a mo about helping out in a local school smile love to all especially those waiting for tests and results x

malteserzz Wed 09-Oct-13 16:57:56

Ruby glad you don't feel sick and hope the meeting went well
Shooting I think when you see celebrities in real life you do get a true impression of how they are, saw Chris Evans at the good food show last year and he was fab very natural and funny but I didn't like Gino Decampo at all he was all over the women there, very lecherous

First day for ages I've not had a nap smile

Just got the mince out of the fridge to make chilli for tea and it went out of date on Monday would have chanced it if I wasn't on chemo but back to the drawing board now !

PictureThis Wed 09-Oct-13 17:42:37

Xray was fine, the very lovely cons radiologist went through all my images with me afterwards. It transpires my portacath is on a bit of a tilt so the needle needs to go in on an angle. We're meeting again tomorrow with my chemo nurse in the angioplasty room so he can show her the right angle to approach it using the xray as the visual tool. I feel so much happier now. A London meet up in January is a definite Smee. It will probably be my only opportunity in a while to meet any of you seeing as I'm on the Isle of Man.
Penultimate chemo tomorrow grin

kitkat1967 Wed 09-Oct-13 18:08:35

Evening all.
I slept through my chemo today (on advice of the nurse) which was easy to do due to the Piriton and other goodies given before the chemo. Last week I forced myself to stay awake as it felt rude to sleep with a visitor in the house but I have been told not to be so daft and they have loads of paperwork to complete anyway. The upshot is that I feel OK now - not too tired so should make it through the evening smile.

amberlight Wed 09-Oct-13 18:38:53

Picture, mine was at a tilt too - the nurses had to feel for the top and use some cunning methods to access it. Glad it was doable.
KitKat, hurrah for not feeling too tired. But don't overdo it.
Ruby, hurrah also for not feeling sick today. Long may that last.
Tomorrow I am going by myself for the mammogram. I simply haven't reminded the people who would normally accompany me. Not sure why. I think it will all be OK as a procedure, since I know what they do, but if I end up hiding behind the curtain and refusing to come out, I'll be sure to take someone next time.

Marshy Wed 09-Oct-13 19:19:10

Hi all,
Just saying hello as I haven't posted for a while though have been checking in regularly to keep up with everything - well, trying to as things move along quickly! Sometimes I just feel too upset and pathetic to post.

I follow all posts avidly as there are many things that resonate with me or cause me to stop and think. Particularly thinking of Ruby lately, with my own DD just trying to settle into uni, and of handbags - more of that later.

I was pleased to see that Gigs and Pigeons have contributed to the JS thread. I haven't read the article, though I think there was a link to it here as, I dunno, just couldn't quite face it, but I find it incredible that anyone could suggest that the attention in any way makes up for having cancer. I find that really offensive, so will be interested in what JS has to say. Hope it's something that can explain this, as I have always thought of her as a good egg. I have been touched by the kindness and attention of family, friends and HCPs but would do anything not to have to be on the receiving end of it.

For me, it's another waiting phase. I can see now that I was a bit over-optimistic in my highly excited post on the last thread when I got the clear result for my lymph node biopsy, for that weird one that was causing concern because it was swollen - they think now that it's because of my underlying arthritis and not cancer related.

That was a great result, but now I'm awaiting sentinel lymph node biopsy results, having had the op yesterday. She took 2 plus the swollen one. Results a week on Friday, so am now in the phase that Handbags was recently in, except that I am guaranteed a mastectomy come what may, and the same position that I guess probably all of you have been in at some point. It's horrible, isn't it.....

On the plus side, I no longer look like I'm awaiting an audition for the next twilight or avatar movie, as my fetching shade of blue skin has faded. The 'preventing lymphodema' leaflet made for uplifting reading. Have any of you had that?

Today I stayed in bed all morning, had a good cry, then got up, prepared dinner and went for a walk around the block in the sunshine.

Having a white wine spritzer now and sort of watching Hairy Bikers. Haven't felt like drinking at all since all this started - maybe this is progress.

Hope everyone has a good evening. See you tomorrow.

Marshy Wed 09-Oct-13 19:31:54

Have just reminded myself that not everyone is here for breast cancer, so I guess not everyone has done the sentinel lymph node thing - sorry if my post was insensitive around that - I am a novice in all this and obviously very self absorbed!

trice Wed 09-Oct-13 23:26:33

Don't worry Marshy, we understand about the waiting for results stress. It is horrible.

Glad you are feeling a bit brighter Ruby.

Good news about portacath Picture. I hope they manage to figure it out. I didn't realise you come from the isle of man. My dad is from Laxey and I have lots of family there. It is a lovely place to spend your summers as a child!

Lily, good luck with final chemo.

PictureThis Wed 09-Oct-13 23:39:42

Laxey's beautiful Trice, I've lots of friends who live there, what a small world. Many people don't even know where the Island is.

BetsyBoop Thu 10-Oct-13 00:21:13

wide awake club here, grr bloody steroids!

malteserzz Thu 10-Oct-13 00:34:24

I'm awake too bit worried have been a bit itchy all day and now I'm in bed it's getting worse woke myself up scratching the top of my leg and there's a bit of a rash there hmm

smee Thu 10-Oct-13 00:42:49

Waving to Betsy! I'm awake too. In a hotel awaiting the joys of a 2 day conference starting at 9am. Brought a hot water bottle, so am propped up in bed all cosy, eating wispa bites and watching HIGNFY on Dave. smile

Kitkat, glad to hear you're through another chemo. smile

Picture hope chemo ok tomorrow. Penultimate deserves a yay! grin

Sorry to see you're in the waiting zone again, Marshy. Stick around and let us distract you.

Can we all go with you tomorrow, Amber? Much virtual hold handing from me. Doubt it'll help but will be thinking of you x

Don't savage JS tomorrow Gig and Pigeon. I reckon it was a moment of madness her saying that better bloody be

Better try and sleep. Hope you all are. Zzz xx

BetsyBoop Thu 10-Oct-13 00:50:15

GP if it's still there in the morning malt although I think it's`way too late to be an allergic reaction to the tax now? Have you used anything different, shower gel, washing powder etc?

Don't get any wispa crumbs in the bed smee grin

Well I'm off for a lie down won't tempt fate and say sleep. Still this is the last round of evil steroids, can't wait for this time next week when I should hopefully be on the up. Woohoo!

BetsyBoop Thu 10-Oct-13 00:52:32

Oh and I said it on FB, but I'll say it again here, good luck tomorrow for amber and mammo, nj and results, picture and lily for chemo smile

BetsyBoop Thu 10-Oct-13 02:37:28

Argh, still not got to sleep. Worst wired-on-steroids ever...

I am honestly NOT that excited about my last chemo that it's keeping me awake! grin

I hop everyone else is sleeping soundly....

Shootingatpigeons Thu 10-Oct-13 02:49:18

Betsy don't worry, you are not alone and no steroids involved here. Just the usual not getting to sleep, 4 hours 30 mins to the alarm! I don't usually let myself near screens as they are supposed to keep you awake but lying there was getting me nowhere. Hope you get to sleep soon. And at least hopefully this will be the last time. gigs recommends rock ballads for these occasions! there's the Rolling Stones "The Last Time" grin also the penis dunking thread is doubtless available for viewing!

kitkat1967 Thu 10-Oct-13 04:19:58

Wide awake steroids here too.

Something funny for Betsy to hear though - so last I so pleased to have no nausea at all on my new weekly chemo - I had dutifully taken all the prescribed meds - turns out that they were to last 3 cycles as oncs prescribe differently on weekly regime. Ho hum - caused shocked look then much scrambling around for something to leave me for this week!! Had worked though grin.

kitkat1967 Thu 10-Oct-13 04:23:53

Oh and Gigs - I am on the last Greys Anatomy episode (new series out at the start of November though) so will be starting Private Practice before I get up smile.

foofooyeah Thu 10-Oct-13 05:34:28

Morning wide awake club. The reason I am awake is a lot more basic: too much wine last night. A friend is over from Italy so we had curry and a lot of wine. My head hurts.

Busy day today for tamoxifen gang.

My day will consist of walking and arguing with DP.

jchocchip Thu 10-Oct-13 05:59:37

Good morning wide awake club! Hope you managed to get a bit of rest. Time for a brew. Virtual hand holding for todays appointments and I'll park my bum on the paranoia box in the meantime.

BetsyBoop Thu 10-Oct-13 05:59:56

Well I eventually managed a couple of hours sad Bloods steroids, cant wait for you to be gone from my life.

Great no nausea kitkat, but taking three cycles worth of meds on cycle one ? shock

pigeons I had "the last time" going round my head when I couldn't sleep, proof I'm as mad as everyone else here? grin or is gigs practising mind control shock

'foofoo hopefully a good walk and no arguing smile

BetsyBoop Thu 10-Oct-13 06:00:51

X-post, morning jchoc smile

foofooyeah Thu 10-Oct-13 06:02:32

Budge up on the paranoia box, will join you for a brew but can't go downstairs as friend is asleep on sofa. Shame as it fees like a small feathered dragon has been sleeping in my mouth.

Gigondas Thu 10-Oct-13 06:19:29

brew Needed here - woke up with sure arm at. 1.30 ( definitely need to be careful as hurts more if use it and I carried bag with it yesterday) then mini gig woke up. To cut a long story short she didn't go back to sleep except for about half an hour when I climbed into her bed -- and got stuck--

Kitkat - I finished private practice and onto series 6 of greys so we are overlapping.

kitkat1967 Thu 10-Oct-13 06:53:43

Good lord - loads of us up today. Gig you've had a long morning/night.
Sods law - I went to sleep half an hour before getting up time so hanging now. Nothing on today though (except cake baking - will aim to save some for the trolley) so will be heading back to bed once kids packed off to school.

Good luck to everyone with appointments today.

kitkat1967 Thu 10-Oct-13 07:15:21

Kids gone - back in bed for a lazy morning - yippee.

Shootingatpigeons Thu 10-Oct-13 08:05:43

gigs you should have called, it wouldn't have made any difference if I had had a toddler practising for all nighters in Oceana (perhaps mention it has been closed down?) . So did Mr * gigs* not respond to you yelling "stuck" because he had heard that one before wink (little gigs has developed big pigeons trick of shouting that she is stuck to get you running to her side at night) I hope you are going back to bed, I certainly am, didn't get off until 5 am which really isn't good enough. Just waiting on the paranoia box for DH to wake up and come on heron patrol.

Heron patrol is all bloody Thames Waters fault. There was a sewage spill into the small river nearby, again, last Thursday night. Heron visited last Friday morning angry at 8am. I don't begrudge the poor thing the one 3 inch goldfish it has managed to snaffle since Thames Water had killed every fish in it's river. Basically all the pipe work that serves Heathrow is antiquated and keeps breaking and rather than have the loos overflow and expose that they don't invest in making it fit for purpose it all gets diverted into the river. They maybe get fined the odd million but that is cheap to avoid the investment, or the bad publicity, grrrrrr. Thankfully I don't often walk goondog along there because the incidence of pit bulls is high and he ends up with shaky legs walking between my legs after encountering more than one...... Can't walk in the parks at the moment either as the stags are rutting and we both have shaky legs after encounter with more than one, and on the Thames the high tides might get you! dangerous around here.

gigs Betsy * kitkat* hope we all get some more sleep!

foofoo hope you have a good walk. Is arguing with DP a pastime or is he (another) arse?

Wonder if they will ask JS our questions. smee don't worry the advance questions are for those who can't be there for the live bit. I don't think I could stomach it if I had to sit there watching all the fan chat (not that I don't enjoy her comedy)

Lots of hugs and thinking of Amber going for her mammo and kj for her results, and everyone else with an extra dose of paranoia to deal with today.

malteserzz Thu 10-Oct-13 08:07:57

Morning all you were all up early !
Got the new bridget jones book on my kindle so will be reading that today, would go back to bed like Kitkat but not sure what time the cleaners are coming
Still bit itchy I have been using new bubble bath Betsy so maybe it's that, I will get some piriton later

BetsyBoop Thu 10-Oct-13 08:17:41

Bet it's the bubble bath malt smile (my skin is crap so I'm very wary of new things as that's my usual reaction!)

Good luck for Amber's mammo

Nj I will have my bum on the chemo chair, but I'll put my feet up on the paranoia box, thinking of you xx

BetsyBoop Thu 10-Oct-13 08:19:04

Oh and pigeons, my nephew is one of the PMs on the new sewage works which will hopefully stop that happening. Not sure when it's finished though I know it's years...

smee Thu 10-Oct-13 08:29:01

Somehow missed Lily's chemo today too and results for NotJ. What with Picture and Amber's mammo it is a busy day. Will be thinking of you all xx

weebarra Thu 10-Oct-13 08:48:29

Hi all, I'm new here, have seen this thread on active convos and think it's the place I have to be right now sad.
Went to our local breast clinic yesterday - referred by midwife at breast feeding clinic. GP had diagnosed an abscess which hadn't cleared with two courses of antibiotics.
Turns out it's likely to be breast cancer. Suspicious areas in both breasts and lymph nodes - has nine biopsies done yesterday, back next week for results.
I'm 36, have two DSs of 3 and 6 and a 7 week old DD. I'm a very pragmatic person, but I feel like I've been hit by a brick. So far, results and staging (?) next Thurs, then meeting the team on Tues to plan. It's as though everyone is talking a foreign language and I've got a rubbish phrase book!

reallyreallyworried Thu 10-Oct-13 08:57:22

Morning all

Good luck to everyone having treatment/results today.

I just opened my post that came while I was away. One of them was a letter from the surgeon I saw when I went in for results after my first surgery. A copy of what they send to the GP!

Is it just me, or have any of you read that letter afterwards and then thought I don't rememeber being told any of that! In that detail??

I was told the breast was clear, but they had found cancer cells in the nodes they removed. I didn't ask any more questions, but would of listened to anything else she had to share!! Then was told that they now do a CT scan and Bone scan just as a precautionary measure!

So now I read this letter, and it says the size and grade of tumour. Grade has gone from 1 to 2! That 4/4 nodes were positive. One of which had isolated tumour cells only! Which I assume means the other 3 contained more than just isolated tumour cells!

With that tiny bit of extra information, I now have a list of questions that I want to ask! I feel lost again! sad

I know I am probably overreacting. I was already stressing about today's bone scan, this hasn't helped! I know I should of asked more questions at the time! But having not been through this before! I wasn't sure what to ask!

Anyway moan over, for the day! Sorry to start the day moaning.


reallyreallyworried Thu 10-Oct-13 09:01:12

Sorry weebarra x posts with you.

Welcome, but sorry you are here. You will get lots of support and advice on here! I know I have.

You are in the hardest place right now! The not knowing. I'm still in the beginning stages of all this.

Sending you a hug xx

PictureThis Thu 10-Oct-13 09:05:51

Oh Weebarra, I know exactly how you'r feeling. It's all very frightening and your mind is doing overtime, but once you get your results and you know what you're facing it gets easier. I was diagnosed with BC in April, funnily enough when I was bf my 8/12 son. I am now almost at the end of chemo after having had succesful surgery to remove the offending boob and nodes. You're in the right place for hand holding and support, everyone is great on here and have quelled many a panicky moment for me. Sorry you've found yourself here but welcome, and congratulations on your brand new DD.

malteserzz Thu 10-Oct-13 09:07:53

Weebarra sorry to hear your news but you are very welcome here, ask us anything and we will hold your hand while you wait smile congratulations on your DD she will keep you busy and make you smile this week I'm sure

Really I think we've all found that things seem much worse written down in black and white it just seems so clinical

Right I have a date with bridget !

PictureThis Thu 10-Oct-13 09:08:27

Really ring your BCN this morning, talk to her about this letter and ask her to explain it all to you. I always feel better after I have spoken to mine.

Lilymaid Thu 10-Oct-13 10:28:35

Sitting in chemo bay awaiting results of bloods. Looking forward to my prawn and avocado for lunch! Thinking of all having treatment scans etc today! Welcome Weebarra to the club none of us planned to join.

Welcome to weebarra but sorry you've had to join us. Most people have found the waiting for results and information the hardest part. It will probably seem a bit more manageable once you know for certain and you have a treatment plan in place.

really definitely ask BCN to talk you through the letter if you'd find that helpful, and she may be able to answer some of your new questions too.

Sitting on the paranoia box for everyone who needs it, and hope everyone having chemo is getting on well.

kitkat shock did that amount to an overdose or did they just not mean for you to take them for so many days or something? If it was a safe dose then at least you'll know how much you need to avoid problems if you encounter any this time round!

gigs what a long night! mini has a lot of stamina! Will she nap during the day or just be grumpy because she is so tired?

shooting grrrrrrrr at Thames Water and their sewage dumping. It's all so stupid. The idea that they would rather commit an offence and pay the fine than fix their system is ridiculous. Clearly the penalties are not severe enough angry but sad about your fish.

I am stuck in bed. I am meant to be at a seminar about my dissertation. I feel so sick that I can barely move, and still having tummy problems. It has been two weeks now. I can only assume they infected me during my procedure hmm but results of my tests won't be available until Monday. I have sent a rather frustrated email to my bowel nurse, maybe she can hurry the results along or suggest something useful to help. I'm wondering if perhaps university was a bad idea, but then again I couldn't just sit around doing nothing for another year! Some days I'm really ill and can't leave the flat and other days I manage quite well.

Anyway waving to everyone, I hope you're having a good day x

BetsyBoop Thu 10-Oct-13 11:55:20

welcome weebarra but sorry you are here. This waiting bit is honestly the worst bit, we will hold your hand and feed you cakes from the trolley smile

Ruby sad - I hope you get some answers soon.

Fantastic news amber smile smile smile smile smile

really - ditto re contacting your BCN to talk you through it

wow gigs - mini has no "off" switch does she? shock grin I hope you manage a catch up nanna nap later.

Off for my last (have I mentioned it's my LAST?!) chemo after lunch. smile

PictureThis Thu 10-Oct-13 12:03:33

For Amber brewcakegrin and a massive (())

malteserzz Thu 10-Oct-13 12:20:33

Lily and Betsy hope the chemo goes smoothly smile

Ruby I'm sorry you're still feeling poorly I really hope you get some answers and they can sort it out for you soon x

I've had a good morning, my friend is having her 50th do on Saturday night and I wasn't going to go but another friend is driving and not staying late so I'm going to go with her. So had to go and buy a dress this morning because obviously I've got nothing to wear grin

amberlight Thu 10-Oct-13 12:25:16

Yay for today, though being told that I get the results straight away was really scary shock. Mrs Radiology Doctor says they are fine, so that is another six months out of the way. Next one in April for oncology checkup and feel.

Betsy, last chemo? Fab! Be prepared to be extra tired and stroppy through the next couple of weeks. I was.

Lily, good luck in there with the bloods and prawns...

Really, good luck with scan. Grade 2 is still a fairly slow and clueless sort of cancer, so wouldn't worry. It tends to potter about in nodes, but responds well to most treatment. Grade 1 is sometimes harder to treat, because it's SO slow that it ignores chemicals designed to kill it. Just doesn't grow fast enough or get thirsty enough to be bothered to drink much poison from the chemo. Odd but true. So Grade 2 ones are thirstier and drink up more of the poison and die, see. It's all technical stuff for the teams, so they know which potions or treatments to give.

Weebarra, sorry you are joining us but big welcome from me. Bracing news, isn't it, but this is one place where you are amongst a load of mums who have been there/are going through it right now with you.

If this helps, 9 out of 10 cancers are treatable. Most people are more likely to be killed by a falling piano than from their breast cancer these days, because the treatments have gotten so good. But treatment isn't fun, and neither is the worry.

Phrase book for cancer: 'Stage' means how big the lump is and where it is. 1 is little and in the boob. 2 is bigger but that's not really a problem. 3 is boob and in the lymph nodes etc and needs a bit more of a rolled-up-sleeves approach from the teams, but is still a good outcome in the end for nearly everyone. 4 is escaped and mooching about elsewhere in the body, looking for trouble, and needs plenty of thought and treatments to keep it under control long term. That's not a very scientific explanation but it's near enough.

'Grade' means how fast the cancer cells drink stuff and grow. Grade 1 is slow. Grade 2 is medium. Grade 3 is fast. BUT see above ....the higher grade ones can be easier to whack with potions. So that's really technical info for the team and not relevant to you.

Even if you have a rudely behaved sort that has sneaked out into lymph nodes and elsewhere, there are still good treatments that zap it. Many of the lovely mums and members here are living long term with cancer and still enjoying life, having holidays, seeing their mates and all whilst taking long term chemo pills etc. It's often becoming a bit like having diabetes - really annoying but not necessarily a killer any more. Not everyone is lucky, of course. But be of reasonably good cheer at the moment. Have a brew.

Just looked in on the JS webchat - she's answered shooting but so far ignored gigs...

grinwinebrewcakeflowers for amber from me too, what a relief, although still such a stressful experience I'm sure.

malt brilliant that you can go to the party, I hope you find something lovely to wear smile

betsy wooooohoooooo for last chemo! I hope all goes smoothly smile

Lunchtime for me. Luckily made lots of dinner last night so can just go grab a bowl of cheesy pasta and sneak back into bed!

kitkat1967 Thu 10-Oct-13 12:50:34

Ruby - sorry you had a bad night. It must be so frustrating for you when it impacts your Uni course when a few months ago you had thought you would be able to manage well by now. Hopefully you will get some answers soon and I do hope your Tutor is understanding.

Re my pills - I was supposed to take 1/3 of the total number of pills (so I just took them for 3 times as long) but also was supposed to take one lot then start the other lot a couple of days later but I started everything from day 1. I hasten to add that I did as instructed by the nurse and the info on the box. Anyway am on the correct does now and feeling fine.

Shootingatpigeons Thu 10-Oct-13 12:56:18

weebarra as usual Amber has covered it all but just to say that when I went through all this 12 years ago another mum in the same school was diagnosed at the same time as me and she too was diagnosed with a lump whilst Breastfeeding her two month old, she was 33. It is common, half of those diagnosed under 40 or 45 (sorry terrible memory for numbers), something to do with your body being focused on cell multiplication. Through her we also met another mum who was Breastfeeding her baby. They are both still here and their DCs are unbelievably now 12 years old. Good thing is that you have been referred, often GPs are just not aware it can happen. gigs was diagnosed with another Cancer when little gigs was a day old so I am sure she will be along soon.

If they are talking a foreign language, you should have been allocated a breast Cancer Nurse who you can talk to and who will always be able to explain everything. Do ring her, it is her job. But we will be happy to explain as well. It is all bewildering and you are in shock at first, they are so used to women coming through their doors I think they sometimes forget that it is so life shattering especially at a time that is supposed to be so happy and for you and your baby

really I and all my friends were grade 3 for everything, then they did a grade for speed of growing and for how differentiated they were from normal. We are all still here and well. Seeing it in black and white is always difficult even now for me so many years after. Good news that only a few stray cells in fourth nodes in fourth cell.

Ruby angry that you are still going through this. I agree keep chasing everyone. Also don't be afraid to chase up what you have missed at uni. I am sure the tutor will be only too happy to give you a private session on dissertations. And we could also start a diss gang to keep you supported as you start on it. Big pigeons just had first meeting with her supervisor and I can mine the brains of my supervisors who I really should be contacting and getting going again on mine grin I am procrastinating until shit weather and DH drive me back to it!

Latter soon, DH has a new hobby, he sets off to do something then rings sometime between 4 and 7 to complain that there are other cars on the road, lots of them, shock and they are in his way! often on the road that used to detain me two nights a week for an hour at 6pm between the swimming pool and my own, delaying for reasons unfathomable to him, his dinner!

Yeah * amber* both for results and not an overwhelming experience.

Shootingatpigeons Thu 10-Oct-13 13:53:54

Sorry gigs she presumably answered on the basis she thought she was answering both, her defence is basically that the comments were aimed at specific people who criticised her for being positive and that it is put in context in her book. hmm Might look next time I am in Waterstones (did have a look at Katie's goings on in Tesco last night, DH wondered why it took me 30 mins to pop out for celery grin )

She does go on to accuse parents who blame their toddlers for making them late for school of attention seeking so we are not alone grin but then knowing the school her DCs went to that was probably specific too (notorious for yummy mummy's)

KurriKurri Thu 10-Oct-13 14:23:55

Afternoon all smile

Ruby - bugger to still feeling poorly, it must be so frustrating, especially if it has all been caused by the recent procedure - that shouldn't have happened sad Hope the bowel nurse gets back to you soon with some useful suggestions, - hopefully your Uni tutors are understanding and realise what you are dealing with atm. xx

WeeBarra - welcome, but of course sorry you have to join us. I can't add to the excellent information amber has given you, but I do empathise with how you are feeling at the moment - I remember that 'hit by a brick' feeling - very good description!! The wating fro results and for a treatment plan is very hard - it does get a bit more manageable once you know what's what and you can start organizing things according to what treatment you are having. Meanwhile - I know its a massive cliche, but I found it did help if I kept as busy as possible - less time to sit and think, - and I'm sure with two little ones and a new born you are very busy anyway smile

Stick around for hand holding and support, and ask any questions you want - nothing is off limits on here, and between us we've had most of the various treatments and treatments combos available, so hopefully can give you info and tips for getting trough it all smile xx

I see JS has answered your question Shooting - am slightly hmm about it, but will borrow her book from the library when it comes out and see if her defence is valid.
Well done to you and Gigs for posing the questions - I tried to formulate one but it just kept getting all ranty and cross, so I left it to you calmer sensible folk grin - I'm glad she answered though, often the people they have on the webchats ignore any awkward questions.

Love to all, I've been to yoga this morning, it turns out I can't balance on one leg while bent over and sticking the other leg out behind,and holding my arms back like wings. Damn - that's my career as a Rolls Royce mascot scuppered then. grin

amberlight Thu 10-Oct-13 15:40:09

KK grin re Rolls Royce mascot career! Strike that one off the list then...

PictureThis Thu 10-Oct-13 18:23:14

Have just read the penis dunking thread, oh my, I've got tears running down my's hilarious. If anyone needs a giggle have a read.

foofooyeah Thu 10-Oct-13 18:33:06

Evening all, shall be heading off for bath and bed soon.

Welcome to weebarra you have already had great advice, was where you are in August, it will be ok, honest.

Special hug for poor ruby

KK - sorry your preferred career choice no longer seems within your grasp.

I am going back to work on Monday eek! Just 4 hours per day and most of it from home. Bet my bloody hair falls out over the weekend just to embarrass me.

pigeons is tat the River Crane you are talking about? I used to live near that river.

kitkat1967 Thu 10-Oct-13 18:38:00

Are you pleased to go back work foofoo?
I do about 3 hours a day (occassionally a full day or 2 at month end) and find that works well for me. I work mainly from home but go into the office occassionally - mainly for lunch though grin. Sometimes it is a real chore to have to dial into a meeting but generally it has allowed me to stay in touch.

malteserzz Thu 10-Oct-13 18:45:25

I read the dunking thread it was funny
Had an exciting delivery today, a slanket I had ordered from amazon looking forward to snuggling up on the sofa in it once the kids are in bed, that is a bit sad i know !

foofooyeah Thu 10-Oct-13 18:46:33

To be honest I would rather stay off but as will need more time off in the New Year for surgery thought I should do some work now to keep the £££ rolling in.

But it will be very doable, fingers crossed I am handling chemo well so no real reason not to work. Plus I won't be doing my programme manager role but some analysis and comms stuff so want be too stressful.

Actually looking forward to going in and seeing everyone. My office is a lovely building and yes, lunches will be in order.

foofooyeah Thu 10-Oct-13 18:47:19


Lilymaid Thu 10-Oct-13 19:22:53

Foofoo I am carrying on working through chemo. I'm working mainly from home as I have a long distance commute to work (2 hours each way) in central London, but go into the office one day a week in my good weeks. I've got a temporary assistant at work who is doing the day to day work. I don't expect to get into work whilst I have radiotherapy because the appointment times will probably make it impossible/silly.
I know there are some extraordinary people out there who scarcely cut down their working hours and others who feel so grim that they can't go to work (and of course, all the teachers, health care workers who can't work for infection reasons).
6th chemo over - so have to find out at the end of the month whether I have 8 chemos or whether the 6 is sufficient (for now). 3 doses os steroids to take tonight and tomorrow - I haven't found it has kept me awake, but I don't take steroids before the chemo and that must make a big difference.

foofooyeah Thu 10-Oct-13 19:37:38

Thanks Lily, a 2 hour commute woud be hard for the fittest of people.

TBH I know I can easily do 4 hours, but have really enjoyed the time off an ace o ge some positives out of this situation.

Hope ts jst the 6 lots for you and you are now finished x

foofooyeah Thu 10-Oct-13 19:43:41

Sorry my last post was almost illegible!

BetsyBoop Thu 10-Oct-13 19:50:44

I do hope it's you last tax lily then we can both be all done smile

nowt wrong with slankets malt I love mine smile

I miss work on my good days, and it was lovely to go in to school and see everyone on Monday, so I definitely plan on doing that again. However I've found since starting tax that my "good week" has shrunk to a "good few days" (whereas on FEC I had a crap week feeling/being sick but after that I was pretty much ok and not too tired.)

I read the penis dunking thread when I couldn't sleep last night, it's hilarious! I've obviously led a very sheltered life...

Not overly impressed with JS's response hmm

Onc seem happy with my response to treatment, I don't think I get to see him again for quite a while now. Apparently I'm on the list for the MDT for tomorrow, where they will finalise what next. My BCN says she's not sure whether the surgeon will want repeat imaging or not, and that my surgery is likely to be w/c 11/11 assuming I'm all recovered from chemo by then, which I should be. My blood counts today were a bit better than the previous cycle (where I'd had an infection following my fourth cycle) so that was good. The end of chmeo and the surgery plan is good timing with DS's birthday on 9/11 and DD's on 13/12, so hopefully I should be relatively ship shape for both of them and just about fully recovered from surgery in time for Christmas. (I'm guessing they won't start my radiotherapy until the New Year.)

So it's now a case of bunkering down for a crap week starting on Saturday with the knowledge that when I start feeling better it's going to continue and there is no more poisoning just round the corner.

One part of the plan completed. Everyone says the chemo is the worst bit and it's all done! Hurrah, hurrah, hurrah!

<waves> at everyone whilst doing the happy dance.

notJenkins Thu 10-Oct-13 21:35:35

Good news. The scan was clear. I need 6 monthly tests then yearly after a few years for the rest of my life.

It is sinking in slowly. Phew.

oh lordy,can't catch up - non-stop ind of day - am really tired ! Welcome though weebarra and sorry that you have had to join us,but we'll hold your hand- it's all very shocking and confusing at first and the waiting is horrid.
Dentist today and am going to have to cough up £475 for a post crown for poor broken tooth (the alternative was £900 and something for a bridge thingy shock !! ) Lunch with cousin and aunt before taking them to visit mum then swimming...have done no proper work for ages and feel a bit fretful.
Sorry to ignore everyone else but must catch up on stuff before I fall asleep xxxx

hooray for clear scan notj grin xxxx

malteserzz Thu 10-Oct-13 21:46:33

That's brilliant NotJ smile
MAS I can't believe it's so expensive !

PictureThis Thu 10-Oct-13 21:54:41

What good news NJ, about time you had some.

Brilliant news notJ grin flowers cake wine

MAS hope you get a chance to relax soon! And hope your mum is doing well.

Waving to everyone else, am going to sleep now x

BetsyBoop Thu 10-Oct-13 22:09:30

hoorah nj wine cake wine cake wine cake brilliant news

trice Thu 10-Oct-13 23:13:07

Dcs performed a rendition of "Always look on the bright side of life" at bedtime. They really cheer me up.

I have my slanket on at this very minute. It's gone cold suddenly.

Hurrah for Notj. Good news.

kitkat1967 Thu 10-Oct-13 23:31:21

great news NJ.

Betsy - great timetable you have planned there smile - have you sorted whether you're having a bi-lateral mx yet and are you having reconstruction? Based on my recent surgery experience I think you'll be good for both those birthdays. They may start your rads (do you def need them if having mx?) in December though as 11/11 to Jan is a long time (I'm only guessing here).

That's expensive teeth MAS

I've been out tonight - which is amazing for me considering I had chemo yesterday - think I'm running on steroid power - ready for the crash tomorrow evening though. My onc was right - this weekly chemo is suiting me much better (fingers crossed it continues like this) but of course it is time consuming so would not be for everyone.

BetsyBoop Fri 11-Oct-13 00:00:57

kitkat the BCN is going to raise my desire for bmx at the MDT tomorrow, so not confirmed yet. I'll have to see if they still want a psychologist to confirm I'm not barking, but I've had months to think about this so it's no knee jerk reaction. At the moment I don't plan on recon. I'm definitely getting general "blast the area" rads due to size and spread of tumours, I may also need more targetted stuff too depending on what they find when they get in there re margins and nodes.
Yay for you going out after chemo. I'm still amazed I'm okay tonight and tomorrow (we are too used to throwing up/feeling sick on FEC grin).

BetsyBoop Fri 11-Oct-13 01:36:47

bloody steroid insomnia grrrr

foofooyeah Fri 11-Oct-13 01:51:57

Morning Betsy, middle of the night again. Am almost tempted to get up and have a wine' but its cold so may just stay in my nice warm bed.

BetsyBoop Fri 11-Oct-13 02:04:56

Morning foofoo smile I've just come to bed in the probably vain hope of some sleep, but need to get warm first! Fingers crossed we get more sleep than last night....

In fact jhope all of last night's non-sleepers do better tonight smile

BetsyBoop Fri 11-Oct-13 05:45:31

Well I managed 02:30-05:30....

Hopefully no other posts means no other night owls ?

amberlight Fri 11-Oct-13 05:58:08

NotJ, yippeee!!!

kitkat1967 Fri 11-Oct-13 06:51:24

HI Betsy and Foo - i woke a lot on and off during the night but always managed to get back to sleep so not too bad.

Betsy - it will be interesting to hear how it goes at your MDT meeting. I think it is a good idea to ask for a bi-lat and I would have been happy to have had the same myself but my BC really is too boring to warrant it so would not be considered. I don;t know if you remember in the summer hols i met a lady with bi-lat mx and no reconstruction (done 9 yrs ago) and she looked great - she didn't wear a protethis and just dressed carefully. By having the bi-lat you have more options I think - as well as the obvious health benefits grin.

Lilymaid Fri 11-Oct-13 07:01:08

Up early, for me, as DH has gone off early for a work meeting in London. He's then got to rush down to Sussex for meetings re his demented DM and stay over and give her company on Saturday. By the time he gets home tomorrow night I'll be hunkered into my chemo burrow.
I don't know why I only get steroids on day and day after chemo but it means that I don't have the restless nights that others get.
I'd better get on with shopping and washing today before the tiredness hits.

malteserzz Fri 11-Oct-13 07:33:03

I was awake in the night always am, went to bed to read about 10 and was shattered so fell asleep but was still awake at 1.20 I'd love a full nights sleep

Packing today for ds to go to cub camp so will be a quiet weekend here without him

am so tired that I do sleep,thankfully.. today: try to clean a bit/visit mum oh and ring dentist to book expensive tooth repair grin
Love to all having treatment and to those suffering from lack of sleep.

Gigondas Fri 11-Oct-13 08:18:27

Yay for Nj gringringrin

Mas personally I would go cheaper with dentist As treatments change and come down in price so curls get expensive one done at lesser price when you need it.

Boo for insomniac -had good night here (and huge lie in yesterday).

Saw Book of Mormon last night on pigeons recommendation-we loved it. At one point I laughed so much I thought I would be sick. Not for kids tho so was hmmconfused at one very young kid (10?) in the audience.

Gigondas Fri 11-Oct-13 08:18:59

And big gringrinsmilesmilefor amber too. Nice to have you back .

Gigondas Fri 11-Oct-13 08:19:23

Curls = could

foofooyeah Fri 11-Oct-13 09:07:12


malt my sleep at tern identical to yours. Did manage t sleep again about 5.30 so not feeling too bad. Going to push on with decoration now I won't ave all the time in the world. I really need a deadline to motivate me grin

smee Fri 11-Oct-13 09:17:45

Yay for NotJ! brilliant news smile smile

Betsy am doing the happy dance for your last chemo. Hooray!! grin

shock how much, MAS?! that's extraordinary...

Better go, still at conference thingy <yawn> Waving to all. Hope everyone has an okay day x

weebarra Fri 11-Oct-13 09:20:46

Morning! Had an ok night, DD only got up once but that of course led to the early hours dark thoughts!
Making the most of feeding DD as surgeon has already said that we will probably have to stop. One of my lumps is directly behind the nipple and he's told me I'm likely to lose it.
So, next Thurs I'm meeting my BCN again and get the biopsy results. The MDT meeting is the next Tues.
Does anyone know when they'll confirm the stage?

BetsyBoop Fri 11-Oct-13 09:22:59

Mas I would also say the cheaper option - first time round the prep for the cap - making the tooth "post" etc is in the price - having the cap replaced will be cheaper (in relative terms of course!) as that bit won't need to be done again.

malt - forgot to mention I was discussing my steroid dose with the onc (only because the steroids have upped my eye pressure and he'd noticed the px for extra eye drops in my file) He said he was happy to halve my steroid dose as I've had minimal allergic reaction (just flushing) so he thinks the chances of having one on cycle three are slim - so it might be worth asking your onc about that. (A bit late as I'd already taken half of this cycle's dose, but we agreed to halve my Fri pm and Sat am (final one) doses) so hopefully more chance of sleep for me!

amber please can I pick your stats/research brains? smile - no rush, whenever you have time.
I've been looking at the potential benefits of SLNB on my prophylactic mx side. From the research I've found it seems it's possibly worth thinking about in my circumstance (large tumour, multifocal, potential skin involvement, ILC, etc) but need to weigh up smaill chance of finding hidden stuff in contralateral breast (esp as I've had an MRI on there which was clear - but as we know MRI doesn't always detect all ILC) against increased risk of lymphodema (esp as having ALNC on bad boob side - so could have two "bad" arms)
(For everyone else - once mx is done they can't do SNLB, so if they do find something (maybe a 5% or less chance in my case) then it would probably mean ALNC on that side as well, as they would have no way of knowing node status - so would definitely be two "bad" arms)
What would your wise advice be if you were me? (will obviously be discussing with surgeon too!) Thank you thanks

gigs glad you had a good sleep last night -you we definitely due one!

BetsyBoop Fri 11-Oct-13 09:28:36

<waves> to smee

weebarra they told me the type (ILC with some IDC) and receptors status (ER+, PR+, HER-) at my post MDT appt. They still don't know grade (I'm having chemo first - sorry that should be I HAD chemo first, since I finished yesterday!). I had to have an MRI to determine size of tumours (common with ILC as difficult to see on mammo and u/s) - they also need node status to confirm stage - which they won't have until after surgery. SO that's a long winded way of saying you will get some info, but probably not the whole picture just yet.