Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any medical concerns we suggest you consult your GP.

**TAMOXIFEN 35**the all dancing,fat boy snacking and drugs thread

(1000 Posts)

yoo hoo - over here- bring the trolley...

topsyturner Fri 26-Apr-13 16:28:54

Nice title Mas !
<lurches in dragging trolley>

smee Fri 26-Apr-13 16:55:04

Spooky am on the train and the refreshment trolley just by me as I clicked open to find our virtual one.. Escaped from conference and even managed a crafty bit of manoeuvring to avoid boring man who told me excitedly at lunch that would could share the train journey all the way home.

Hope everyone's okay. Gig's have we started digging your escape tunnel yet??

oh well done smee !

Gigondas Fri 26-Apr-13 17:01:06

Wrestles trolley off topsy- I have the ' roid hunger like you wouldn't believe.

Escape plan for Sunday am- pain is apparently muscular so Ice pack, exercise and drugs. Surgeon happy as is dr lovely but we are leaving it so have extra day post surgery so he can be sure on right pain meds.

Sometimes enjoy your weekend (and amber).

Copthall- step away from the capris as you cannot waste the good weather til I am home.

back to reading battle hymn of the tiger mother to give me ideas for big gig wink. It's actually a very funny read - I am definitely soft touch rat mother tho grin.

KurriKurri Fri 26-Apr-13 17:16:22

Hi all,
Gigs - sorry you have been sore and a bit down, hopefully the pain will ease soon and the drugs are good'uns. Hooray for getting out on Sunday though.
There was new drama started on BBC2 last night called the Politicians Husband - it's not too bad (has David Tennant and Emily Watson in it), in case you are in need of something to watch on catch up smile

Smee well done on avoiding boring man - that was a lucky escape.

MAS - glad BCN meet up went well smile

Sometimes - have a fab weekend (grin at DD's indignation) - who is starring in the Hamlet? (I love Hamlet, it is my favourite play, and one of the first productions DS was in when he was working profesionally (i.e. when he was actor boy, not prison man grin) - he wasn't Hamlet I hasten to add, he was um <thinks>. - Laertes or something + a couple of people who aren't on at the same time as Laertes grin

I went out to a lunch today - still feel pretty tired and shaky but I'd pre paid for it so I went. I had spinach falafels on baba ganoush for my main which was v.nice, and then marmalade bread and butter pudding for afters.I feel very very full!

Waving to all - catching up with your posts on other thread, loving the new thread title MAS grin

Gigondas Fri 26-Apr-13 17:37:50

I was too smashed tired to watch it but it looked good kurri so will check it out. Glad you made lunch but sorry you are still under the weather.

jchocchip Fri 26-Apr-13 17:49:06

Love the new thread title <marks place> coconut cakes for fbs trolley ...

Copthallresident Fri 26-Apr-13 20:05:48

Mas great title . I was going to suggest Race For Life The Bar but I think your title does full justice grin Lets hope this is the thread where we organise our piss up get together to celebrate gigs recovery. Just say the word gigs and we'll get cracking and order the gin grin

I couldn't be arsed with the Capris so will wait until you are home. In any case they are in the wardrobe with all the post chemo size 8s that I leave there just in case so have to mentally prepare to pass over the 8s 10s and 12s before I can find the ones that now fit sad

KK spinach falafels on baba ganoush smile

Little Copt bought boy home to make chocolate cake together wink It is in shape of a ravaged moustache and covered in marshmellow and sugar. I'll leave it on the trolley in case someone is desperate Big Copt called me on facetime and demanded I go into kitchen and show boy to her so she could be as annoying as Little Copt used to be when she bought boys home. I refused on the grounds I would appear demented and she commented that it wouldn't make any difference as all her boyfriends thought I was demented anyway hmm

sandripples Fri 26-Apr-13 20:29:26

Hello, what an excellent thread title- well done MAS!
I'm sorry I'm out of date with everyone's news, but I hope KK and Gigs are feeling better as you have had some troubles if I recall rightly from my skim last time.
Hope MAS also managing ok on the chemo.

Have just been tired due to succession of grotty viruses, plus work, and DH's elderly aunt now sadly extremely ill - DH is at her bedside this week and w/e. Its distressing for all and I hope she doesn't linger too long as we're at the stage of wishing for her sake that it could end peacefully now. (Sorry about this sad note - she is in her 80s and has always been a feisty lady but over the last few years has gone downhill a lot.)

I do hope you all have a nice w/e and that aches and pains will stay away. Has anyone venrtured into the garden yet- everything is so behind this year.

I enjoyed that new drama with David T as well.

Have to go and watch Masterchef then pick up DS - he's returning from girlfriend's then back to uni tomorrow. WE've been doing a few Masterchef recipes in the hols!
xx

have had 3 glasses of wine chez parents..now going to watch Masterchef...

Gigondas Fri 26-Apr-13 20:40:12

I made a list of things I am going to do when get out -ranging from small ( shower, make tea etc) to bigger ( trip to Hong Kong to buy large jade necklace to hide scar ) but getting drink up fixed high on list.

Right arm good and left arm improving so have core skills needed.

gringrin At big Copt cheek.
Sr- lovely to hear from you but sorry about lurgies and dh aunt.

Mas-drinks and master chef probably needed.

Hnd and topsy-you two on the lash?

I am on greys anatomy splurge -friend got me into it. I know it's medical but it is also easy brainless viewing .

topsyturner Fri 26-Apr-13 20:43:19

Evening All

I am briefly home with DD and her sleepover guest whilst DH does the Dads Taxi run to pick up DS up from the cinema (iron man 3)

As soon as he gets back , I'm bobbing back to HNDs for wine , spicey chicken wings (she makes the best ones EVER) and olives .
I'm leaving DH to entertain the sleepover girls gringringrin

I went back to bed this afternoon and slept for 3 hours !
I was getting progressively grumpier and snappier as the day wore on , so thought it best to get myself out if the way for a while .

<clinks beer bottle with Mas wine glass , peers at Gigs supper tray "not impressed" , sulks as Smee didn't bring us back anything nice from her piss up conference>

topsyturner Fri 26-Apr-13 20:45:42

I luffs Greys Anatomy too Gigs
It's lovely and mindless , even when it's meant to be a "serious ishoo"

Gigondas Fri 26-Apr-13 20:50:46

That is exactly why I like it and some of drs easy on eye

Drooling about hnd chicken - was fish here but doesn't fill the steroid sized void. I may have to have more doughnuts.

notJenkins Fri 26-Apr-13 21:00:53

Just checking in. I have been busy keeping the house tidy for pesky viewings.

Back soon.

AshokanFarewell Fri 26-Apr-13 21:08:45

Ooh I love Grey's Anatomy, although I only started watching properly from season 5 or 6. I was catching up on all the previous seasons but then LoveFilm instant stopped showing them sad shall perhaps treat myself to the boxsets. It's lovely and Dr Shepherd is scrummy! grin

gigs glad your arm is getting better, the list sounds fun. I have a list for when my pouch has calmed down. We are going to have a massive Indian takeaway and order alllll the dishes I like! grin

MAS great title and thanks for he new thread

KK lunch sounds very yummy, glad you made it smile

smee good job you escaped dull man!

topsy and HND enjoy your evening!

sandripples we reached that stage with my nana too, thankfully she passed away quite peacefully after catching pneumonia/chest infection. I hope DH's aunt is comfortable and best wishes to you all, it's a horrid situation.

cop cake sounds fun, and ooooooh a boy! wink

Homebase was fun - new duvet cover, watering can, gardening gloves, seeds and all sorts. Also went to the pet shop but wasn't allowed to bring any new bunnies home sad

I've applied for halls for uni next year! I'm very excited already, I sent them a long list of all my medical issues so hopefully I will get an ensuite room and close to my course building smile I was previously planning to live with now ex, and all my friends will have graduated so decided halls less risky than finding a houseshare with strangers! Plus hopefully an ensuite, very swish.

KurriKurri Fri 26-Apr-13 21:20:43

Ooh Asho Halls application is very exciting - something great to look forward to smile
Good haul from Homebase by the sound of it too smile

I am also watching masterchef, I think Larkin is for the chop.

NedSchneebly Fri 26-Apr-13 21:36:34

Marking place on the new thread - excellent title MAS!!

Knackered today - crazy few days at school - done painting, singing, planting cress seeds and writing a new version of The Very Hungry Caterpillar. Year 1 have had a productive week!

Feeling a bit stressed about check up on May 9th, joint clinic with oncy and surgeon. What will it involve if I am not having a mammo? Just a poke and a prod and a chat? My oncy is a man of very few words so might be a fairly brief appointment. . .

Hope you doing ok gig ? What news this evening? Sending you huge hugs x x

kurri you feeling better? Thinking of you love x

When NJ and I met this week we were discussing arranging a meet up in London Town - my DH works for big national brewery and happy to help organise with a venue somewhere if we want? Definitely keen to meet up with lots of you if we can organise it!

NJ what house news? Any takers for your place? Got everything crossed for you x x

SR lovely to see you! sorry to hear about DHs aunt though. Hope she is comfortable.

sometimes I love Hamlet - hope you managed to stay awake! Have lovely weekend x x x

kurri you ok this evening? Glad you got out for lunch - marmalade bread and butter pud sounds amazing! Hope you are relaxing on the sofa digesting x x x

ashokan I am sure that uni will give you a halls place. Good idea, I'd say. How exciting! X x

smee you home safely? Useful and productive conference?

MAS how's things with you? All good I hope x x

Loads of Friday night love to you all x x x x x x

NedSchneebly Fri 26-Apr-13 21:38:06

* kurri* seem to have posted to you twice there blush count it as double love x x

Copthallresident Fri 26-Apr-13 21:41:04

Ash Halls application very exciting. Big Copt's friend has dyspraxia and epilepsy and so has had same room in a flat that is in sightline of lecture halls and overlooks her route for all three years and she has had a ball with three sets of flatmates. It is always a bit hit and miss but each year she seems to have had a better gang. Strange, but my first halls flatmates have been my closest and lifelong friends, and Big Copt also completely bonded with hers, I thought I was lucky but it does seem to happen....... Ensuite though smile I had a shared sink and frequently found sharee's numerous boyfriend's peeing in it shock

Gigondas Fri 26-Apr-13 21:41:39

Hugs ned and hands her wine-am doing ok.

Your dh sounds like could be most helpful ned. And sounds like busy week at school too but you seem to be getting back into it.

I would think joint session with onc and surg good as covers all bases. That week is going to be busy as its topsy scan and my lovely cousin(5 yrs on and still going) daughter having her kidney cyst scanned so will be on the box with lots of candles.

Good for you about halls ash-very exciting .

Flicks back to greys -am only on series 1

amberlight Fri 26-Apr-13 22:16:01

Marking my place...

topsyturner Fri 26-Apr-13 23:12:58

Hi Ned , my CT is that date too !
I shall hold your hand for your apt .

How's your evening going Gigs ?
I am home from HNDs
Am making myself a fish finger sandwich .
I am scum , I know grin

Later Lovelies x

PS - if a date is set for a London meet up , I will do my damnedest to hope on a plane and join you all !

AshokanFarewell Fri 26-Apr-13 23:16:47

Ooh those activities sound fab ned but not surprised you're tired out! Hopefully the appointment will be useful whatever it involves.

cop eww at sink peeing! It seems so common, apparently some girls even do it - quite a feat! And lovely you both bonded with our flat mates. Mine was full of drama llamas and all ended rather badly! I wasn't really involved but of course everyone got dragged in. Hopefully I'll be with other non-first years this time so less pressured I expect smile

gigs the early series are probably the best. Have you seen Private Practice? It's a spin off of Grey's. I quite enjoyed it but the cast is smaller and almost everyone slept with everyone else, and there were so many disasters it got a bit ridiculous.

amber I hope you're having a fabulous weekend!

I'm in bed now under my gorgeous new duvet cover, my mum washed it and snuck upstairs to change it so I could use it straight away! smile I've still got lots of boxes to unpack and piles of stuff to sort out but my new room is starting to feel more homely.

Gigondas Sat 27-Apr-13 03:19:05

Fish finger sandwich envygrin -and we will definitely try for date you can come topsy.

Evening going ok-woken up with arm pain so waiting for drugs to kick in but as it is bruising not nerve pain this is actually good.

Ash-new bedroom sounds lovely. I can see private practice getting added to viewing list. Mind you I have no limit on viewing. -I may have watched every series of charmed sad.

I won't add to my tails of disgusting house mates -it worries me how grown up some of them are now( although on second thoughts the fact that some magic circle legal firm partners played a horrid game based around bingo and intimate bodily functions probably isn't really such a shock grin).

Amber-good to see you and hope you are having a lovely meet up.

good morning ! briefly in to say hello- must go and pick up new flipflops which postie attempted to deliver yesterday - I feel prepared footwise for the summer,should it ever really come.
I think a get together would be amazing !
gig - did dh bring you the small thing I sent ?

Gigondas Sat 27-Apr-13 09:28:32

Morning all-brew?? Feeling bit jaded as may have stayed up watching trash tv blush.

It's arrived mas but dh not brought it in yet.

topsyturner Sat 27-Apr-13 09:55:10

Morning All

Sleepover guest gone home .
DD lazing in her room .
DS still asleep .
DH at work .
Me in my pjs , watching sky+ rubbish

Perfect morning !

School spring fair this afternoon .
Think I'll make DH take the kids whilst I continue being lazy .

You still lined up for escape tomorrow Gigs ?

Gigondas Sat 27-Apr-13 10:02:25

Yep- although always cautious til actually out. Lazing here too.

AshokanFarewell Sat 27-Apr-13 10:51:23

Morning all, just popping in to say hi before hopefully going dress shopping grin we have a family party next weekend so of course I need a new outfit! My temp has gone up to 37.9 angry so just lazing around with all the windows open and hoping it comes back down!

topsy that sounds like a lovely relaxing morning

gigs had some minor technical difficulties but should have the audiobooks in the post today - sorry! Also my bag of toy stuffing has arrived grin what did you end up watching? Some of the late night stuff is grim. My dad made us watch a documentary about Turner, very boring, but he loved it.

MAS yay for new flipflops! grin

MAS - happy your BCN was helpful. Mine wasn't great, but the Macmillan phone line seemed to do the reassurance and clear info I needed. You're lucky to have it in person.

Copt - Amoeba is pretty (and they have a Canadian site!) but they only go up to D. It won't fit my remaining boob. Nicola Jane has my size! Yay!

Sometimes and Amber- enjoy your holiday!

Gigs - healing and calming vibes to you. Hope the escape goes smoothly!

Another Grey's fan here, although I've only seen the first couple seasons. I love Sandra Oh. She was the only good thing in the boy whine fest that was sideways.

I've looked up inflammatory breast cancer. Scary reading. I know I'm not a statistic, but I liked it better when my odds were 85%, not 33%.

Hope temp. comes down quickly ashokan -exciting to be dress shopping- I need to buy something pretty for my dad's 80th party grin
Am v excited as one of my cousins,can't remember how removed (my first cousin's daughter) is in a band and they've just done their first video - she's the v pretty half Malaysian girlie on guitar and keyboards...
here !

AshokanFarewell Sat 27-Apr-13 14:37:24

Thank you, my temp came down and we went shopping but couldn't find anything I liked sad I will just have to wear something I already have! Maybe some new accessories instead smile

MAS how exciting, I'll have a look at the video!

sparkle have they definitely said it's inflammatory breast cancer? I try not to Google anything as often what the docs say is completely different! Hopefully they will be able to give you a much better idea of what to expect and the various possibilities, as they will know your personal situation smile my bowel nurse said by the time they're published on websites the stats are often out of date because so much research is going on and there are so many developments in treatment.

AshokanFarewell Sat 27-Apr-13 14:38:17

PS more treats from Greggs for the trolley - chocolate eclairs this time. Hopefully the Mumsnet Police won't find me as I understand Greggs is rather frowned upon grin

Gigondas Sat 27-Apr-13 15:06:49

Dives on trolley from great height - I love greggsgrin.

If couldn't find anything out, maybe it's Internet shop time ash?

And I agree with ash that googling not your friend -my onc also says that nothing helpful and accurate there. I know that is slim comfort as it must be horribly worrying sparkle. Hand holding here.

am I right in remembering that figgy had inflmmatory ?

Copthallresident Sat 27-Apr-13 15:36:56

DH has bought two GIANT loaves from Reubens, one is a very nice fruit brioche I will leave to go with the Greggs

Sparkle Did they confirm it is inflammatory? I agree with everyone else that you should listen to Dr who knows your diagnosis and is up to date. My statistics were not nice at all, just not good enough, but friend and I did some statitistical analysis of our own and decided all the bad statistics were binge drinking deep fried mars bar eating people who did didn't go to the doctor in time. We on the other hand with our brilliant surgeons and oncs and healthy diet and supplements could not but be good statistics...even with the occasional binge drinking.

gigs Like the sound of the jade necklace trip, know just the stall in the Jade market. Can I come? I know some very good fake handbag shops too, one you have to enter through a tattoo parlour and the other you crawl through a door hidden behind a rack of Miss Kitty pyjamas. I was never really into designer stuff until I discovered the thrill of the hunt grin I have a friend who is registered blind who was rather alarmingly grabbed and dragged inside the Prada shop whilst in Rome, turned out her fake Prada hadn't actually been released in the shops yet and they thought she was guilty of industrial espionage grin They offered her the choice of all the bags in the shop by way of apology!

Just as well I didn't get my capris out, hail and wind here today sad

The Dr definitely said inflammatory. He also practically jumped out of his seat and got very serious all of the sudden - that's when he told me mastectomy and radiation were definitely on the cards. Looking it up, keeping to respectable sites smile, I seemed to be a textbook case. Significantly swollen, warm, irritated boob. Red patch covering the lower third/half (under nipple) of breast with lots of dimples so it looked like the skin of an orange. My nipple wasn't affected, but that's the only thing I didn't have. One of the sites had a photo that could have been my breast.

On the good side - the 3 lymph nodes they removed didn't have it, the symptoms appeared literally days before chemo started, and the chemo made them go away immediately. Plus, I don't like Mars bars grin

I plan to live, it's just a lot more frightening than it was.

Gigondas Sat 27-Apr-13 16:16:29

Squeezes sparkles hand -my odds are beyond crap. But there aren't many of us and none of them are me( Copt is right they all eat mars bars or are 97) so we can live scared together.

Copt- yes definitely need some help and insider knowledge. Dh good on jewellery and kids clothes (Boden excess has kept kids going for years) but not on other stuff.

offers hand too to sparkle

Offers hands and hugs to all those who need it especially sparkle, gigs, figgy and good luck to topsy and ned for forthcoming appointments.

Trying to catch up on all your posts. Three weeks back to work and I seem to have a chest infection. Feel pretty dire, no voice and a bark worse than my labrador. I found some antibiotics which I had got when on chemo but didn't take so have started those. Just typical of my office everyone comes in coughing and spluttering.

Hope everyone ok. Any sign on a release date yet gigs?

Gigondas Sat 27-Apr-13 17:13:20

Yes should be tomorrow Gracie. Sorry you are poorly tho- bet it was some annoying martyr who came in sick and spread it around.

Good news about tomorrow gigs. I'm sure big and mini gigs are excited about having you home. My office is full of martyrs, the people that really should be off come in the there are a few who take off if they sniff wrong, blooming typical

amberlight Sat 27-Apr-13 23:25:56

Sparkle, all the main data on IBC is prior to 2001, which makes it fairly meaningless. They have only just discovered the use of statins, which gives people a good five years before anything odd would happen anyway. And frankly in five years time science will probably have converted nearly all cancer into a long term nuisance.
Hugs in the meantime.
Gigs,hurrah re release date.
Brain fried during excellent but hectic girls' reunion weekend so waving to everyone else but not many words...

AshokanFarewell Sat 27-Apr-13 23:35:52

I hope everyone is having a good evening, hugs and hand squeezes to anyone who isn't smile

gracie I hope you feel better soon.

gigs counting down the hours now? I hope everything is still going to plan smile

sparkle symptoms disappearing with chemo sounds reassuring smile and the lymph nodes as well.

amber glad you're having a good time smile

Goodnight all smile

Gigondas Sun 28-Apr-13 06:57:06

brew All?

Looking forward not only to going home but are taking staples out the back of the neck.

Amber I knew you would have stat info - sounds like your weekend is lovely if intense.

gig release day !!
Hope you're having fun amber and that it's not too exhausting sensory-wise,
Hope you feel; better soon gracie too.
Have ordered bunting and lights for my dad's birthday party - v exciting.

topsyturner Sun 28-Apr-13 09:40:23

Morning All !

<heads off to Gigs room with shovel to dig escape tunnel>

Mas your dads party sounds like fun . Are there going to be lots of people ?

Amber sounds like you're having fun this weekend . No dancing on tables now grin

Any apts this week ? Anyone need an ample arse on the paranoia box ?

Gigondas Sun 28-Apr-13 11:24:02

Shoves into tunnel behind topsy- escape imminent .

about 40 people I reckon- to be held between our 2 gardens and the studio,with gazebos-hoping it won't rain (not until 1st June but that's no guarantee!)
Am bleeding like a mad thing (sorry TMI) -it's horrible. On my scan I read that I have apparently a bulky uterus,which means fibroids-looked it up- have never had problems with periods before but since chemo started they've been v regular but quite heavy at first,then dragging on -mentioned this to bcn and she's spoken to onc. who wasn't worried. Bah,though...

HerNextDoorAt21 Sun 28-Apr-13 13:40:32

Good grief you lot have done a lot of gassing !!!!

Gigs I hope you are feeling a bit better and more comfortable.

Sparkle, it sounds awful what you are going through

I hate replying on my iPad as I can't scroll back and forth and keep up eith everyone and write personally to you all ! My memory is shot for names and stuff. I'd get you'll mixed up and that would be terrible !

So topsy and I went to ikea.... We did ave lunch there and she failed to tell you about the coffee mugs <ahem>. I ended up buying crap I didn't really need as usual.

We had a nice pub night and yes, the scummy bugger did leave with two slices of my bread to make her fish finger butty after devouring a pile of chicken wings ..... We had the same brand of wine hers in white, mine in red ..... How twee !

I got Nurse Ratchett again on Friday but I was not backward at telling her how I had been on pain killers since the last dressing and how I was VERY sore. She was well tuned into me and treated me with kid gloves and bent over backwards to get me spare dressings etc.

I will write more later but need to go now ... A nature calls for ASD son and we are on a new toile ting regime c/o his clinical psychologist (who I despise btw)

thenightisyoung Sun 28-Apr-13 13:56:31

Hi all, all it takes is a busy week at work and a new thread happens!

Gigs I hope your escape plans are successful.

Mas rotten about grotty periods, I hope someone is keeping an eye on your iron levels (can't spell haema-wotsit) because it can make you feel really wiped out if they get low (sorry I'm probably stating the bleedin' obvious!).

I haven't really caught up with everyone else's news - sorry, this thread does rush by at a speed smile.

I've been having a rather busy and stressful time at work. I try not to work really long hours but there are times when it gets difficult not to. I don't seem to have the resiliance for them any more since I was ill though I suspect that's more to do with age than cancer. I'm looking forward to up coming bank holidays though and then a week in North Devon in the middle of June grin

waving to thenight - North Devon holiday sounds good - hang on in there.. my bloods pre-chemo are always fine and dandy-you'd think I'd be anaemic at this rate (am off to Waitrose to buy more ladies sundries-sigh)
gig is home !!!
hnd am glad horrid rough nurse wasn't this time smile

Gigondas Sun 28-Apr-13 15:35:03

Yes brewbrewwinewinewinethanksthanks as home and it is sooo good gringringringrinsmilesmile.

Waves to all .

notJenkins Sun 28-Apr-13 16:17:42

Hello all. I can't keep up with you all !

Have spent the weekend tidying cleaning and cooking. Hate house viewings now and after a week on the market am fed up with it. Just want to move like they did in rent a ghost when you held yor nose and could go wherever you wanted to.

Back to work tomorrow. Eek. I am not looking forward to it. My boss sent an email to say I have cancer and have a visible scar etcetera but I am dreading it. I am doing 2 mornings this week so it is a nice gentle return at least. It is the comments and simpering from colleagues I am dreading. I work with a lot of social wankers workers who are masters at the patronising head tilt.

Glad to see you are home gigs hope you are more comfy there.

Any ideas about our promised piss up ?

just whack any head tilters,I would.

NedSchneebly Sun 28-Apr-13 16:55:48

Yay for being home gig !!!! Great to gear that topsy's escape tunnel was not needed. . . What's next part of the plan? I think we'll need to be guided by you with regards to London meet up. We need you to be in a fit state to enjoy a nice lunch or whatever we decide to do.

NJ hope all goes ok for you tomorrow. Don't get too stabby with the patronising head tilters. Just tell them to sod off. . .

MAS sorry you're feeling rotten with pesky periods. If BCN and oncy not worried that's great but not much comfort when you have to live with it. Fingers crossed it eases off soon.

HND glad nurse ratchet showed you the respect you deserve. . . Hope DS is ok with new toileting plan? Must be stressful for you all x x x

Bloody freezing here. We've just lit the log burner. I mean, come on. This is getting silly now. . .

Sending big snuggly hugs to everyone x x x x

sandripples Sun 28-Apr-13 18:03:02

Hi - Congrats to GIgs on being home - you seemed to be in hospital a long time - I hope you're feeling comfortable, strong and its obvious you're happy to be home again - yay!

Notjenkins - good luck for your return to work. When I went back my hair was still def chemo style ie sparse, just re-growing and as I'd given up dying it , totally grey. One senior manage saw me - sort of gasped and ran away!! He's never been strong on the old interpersonal skills - but most people were great. I did find I needed a buddy who told me about lots of changes and told me who people were, that I hadn't met before I went off 10 months earlier. That was very helpful- it was just a colleague who sat near me who realised she could help me out.

Sparkle - hope you get a clear plan soon for the diagnosis.

Ashokan - which uni are you going to, and which subject? Sorry I've missed this vital info. I hope they give you a lovely room. Very exciting! (My DS is in his first year so all this feels very close as an experience)

I have strangely mixed news. My DH's aunt passed peacefully away yesterday - it had been a difficult week and she's had several crises over the past few years, so overall I think it was a relief for her sake, as well as to DH. I wasn't close to this aunt but DH is her next of kin and he's given a lot of support over the years.

We'd booked a w/e away several weeks ago, and on Friday we decided (before knowing when this death would be) that I'd still go up to a close friend's surprise birthday ceilidh in Glasgow, so I was up there yesterday - it was a brilliant do, so I'm glad I was there. And DH did the right thing in not coming too, as he was with his aunt when she died. Just a bit odd to have two such different week-ends, IYSWIM.

Best wishes to everyone.

AshokanFarewell Sun 28-Apr-13 18:29:45

Yay for gigs being home! Brilliant news smile I hope you're having a lovely time and being thoroughly spoilt. I expect little gigs is glad to be reunited with her badger as well!

MAS periods sound horrid sad I hope you feel better soon. Lots of chocolate needed!

Although you have reminded me that I haven't had one since January sad I never thought I'd be wishing for a period!

HND the whole point of going to ikea is to buy things you don't need grin I hope DS's new routine is going well

sand I'm at Reading doing environmental science. I'm meant to be on a placement year at the mo so I'll be going into my final year. Where is DS and what's he studying? I'm sorry about DH's aunt but glad that it was peaceful, and that it was the right time for her. Such a contrast in weekends though. I love a good ceilidh.

NJ I hope work goes well tomorrow, and that there are no head tilters.

Waves to everyone else I've forgotten, I hope you've all had a good weekend.

I've got a blood test tomorrow, a physio appt on Tues and appt with Dr W and infusion on Weds. Rather a medical week! smile hopefully the infusion won't make me so ill this time, I'm having half of it and with extra saline or something, and very slowly so it doesn't hurt my arm.

Sometimesiwonder Sun 28-Apr-13 19:33:26

Hi all, am back and trying to catch up again!

Hamlet was very fab, I stayed awake. Newly done out RSC is very weird, we were up in the gods sitting on bar stool type things you have to climb onto. The view is majorly obscured by a large bar and the whole thing is so uncomfy you have to stay awake or slide off your perch. The play was excellent though - some not very famous bloke caled Jonathan slinger was Hamlet, and he was very, very interesting - tragic and violent but also really funny. Hope you are al OK, am doing a proper read to check. X

sandripples Sun 28-Apr-13 19:50:51

Ashokan - my DH went to Reading (many years ago!) and has fond memories of it. DS is doing Chemical Engineering at Imperial - its very hard work! Good luck with your medical appointment s this week.

Glad you enjoyed Hamlet Sometimes - although thats eating sounds awful and to be avoided if poss. Thanks for the tip!

NedSchneebly Sun 28-Apr-13 19:56:49

ash I did my PGCE at Reading. Had a fab time there, although teaching practice in Bracknell was a little hairy at times. . . Education departments always have had a good reputation - would you stay on for PGCE there?

waves to sometimes - glad Hamlet was good,though uncomfortable !
Good luck with all those appointments ashokan
SR sorry about dh's aunt,but it does sound peaceful and nice thaty dh was with her.

sandripples Sun 28-Apr-13 20:13:32

Thanks MAS.
I hope you're feeling a bit better?

am feeling ok, just alarmed at the amount of gore- eeew !

smee Sun 28-Apr-13 20:34:03

Back home, finally. Though not nearly as important as hearing GIG's is HOME!! Excellent news. Hope you're cuddled out, Gigs and DH has cooked you something comforting and delish. smile

I went from conference to my mum and dad's as it was dad's 78th birthday. We took them out for a pub lunch and a nostalgic walk round Ludlow Castle. Was lovely. smile

Not sure what I've missed, so will do my best to catch up. Hope everyone's okay though. In the meantime, I'm hurling shower caps onto the trolley for comic effect. For some reason there were 6 in my hotel room. confused

topsyturner Sun 28-Apr-13 20:57:10

House keeping had obv been warned of your hairiness Smee ...

smee Sun 28-Apr-13 21:04:24

grin Topsy. Hair can be a little wayward it's true..

NedSchneebly Sun 28-Apr-13 21:05:59

Quick candy crush question - gig, HND, gracie and topsy - can you help? So, lots of my lovely friends have given me +3 extra moves but when I tick them from my messages, they don't appear on my level and I don't seem o get the extra moves. Is there something I am missing? confused blush

NedSchneebly Sun 28-Apr-13 21:06:40

Ooh, NJ too. Any other candy crushers I missed?!

jchocchip Sun 28-Apr-13 21:49:47

Hello lovelies. Glad to see gig is home safely smile
I try and block all games from fb, spent too long on farmville a few years ago and found it best to go cold turkey...
Weekend has gone far too fast. Could do with tomorrow at home too to catch up...
Missed the begining of Endeavour, watched a bit then missed quite a lot when Mum rang - carers done something wrong again! Going to have to watch it on iplayer, not on the pc though, they try and charge 99p!

topsyturner Sun 28-Apr-13 22:23:18

Only accepts a max of 5 lives at a time .
So if you click on all of them , you only get 5 and lose the rest !

That's for Ned btw smile

amberlight Sun 28-Apr-13 22:41:46

Weekend fab. MAS grrr re periods.
I live in Reading. Odd town.

Gigondas Mon 29-Apr-13 06:44:51

brew? It is good to be home-normal comfy beds have lot to say for them.

Ash-dss was at reading and hs gf doing her 4th year next year to so small world,

Waves at ned-topsy is the candy crush guru . I am fed up as stuck on a level.

Mas-period sounds horrid, am glad no sign of that here.

smee Mon 29-Apr-13 09:57:26

I'll have a brew Gigs. Must be lovely to be home. How are you feeling though? Have you any less pain/ more movement?

MAS, hope you're feeling better now. Watch you don't get anaemic if it's heavy. Last thing you need. Go chew on some beetroot..! grin

Lovely day here. How is everyone out there? Hoping Ash and Sparkle are okay. No news from Posh or Figgy yet? Still thinking of you both. xx

Hello everyone. I've been in hospital for 30 daysshock it was a prison sentence in a way. It began with a sore hip and ended up with an op to put a pin in my leg from hip to knee.

The cancer is back with a vengeance. It's in my bones, primarily my spine.

I am terrified, and have never known pain like this before. I'm to see my breast surgeon and an oncologist this friday. I tried to ask the surgeon about a prognosis when he popped onto the ward to see me, what the prognosis is and his ever helpful response was "who knows"

I have no idea what if any future I have and I cannot stop bloody crying

smee Mon 29-Apr-13 10:10:16

Oh Earth, that's awful. Of course you're crying. Pain alone would make you, let alone how scared you must be. Any idea when you can get home? (((((gently hugs from me))))) x sad

oh earth - a huge hug for you-I am so sorry- the pain sounds awful.

topsyturner Mon 29-Apr-13 10:30:46

Earth I'm so sorry to hear this .
Have you got someone with you who can tackle the onc a bit more aggressively ?
It's too hard for us to do ourselves sometimes isn't it ?

Please keep talking to us , we will do what we can to help xxx

Copthallresident Mon 29-Apr-13 11:32:00

earth joining in with the hand holding. Hopefully on Friday you will get some answers but that is a long wait, is there no way to get more information ? Have you a Breast Cancer nurse? 30 days would be like a prison sentence but they would not have gone to such lengths if they didn't think you have a future, they treat mets like a chronic disease these days and it is possible to live with bone mets for a long time.

gigs you bought the sun back with you ! Glad you are enjoying all the comforts of home. Are you getting lots of hugs from the gigettes, or have they still not forgiven you for the badger napping ? Did you bring the butler back with you? How are the aches and pains?

mas horrid periods are no fun. The infrequent ones I had on Tamoxifen were ridiculous which seemed weird, not enough hormones to get a regular cycle but then enough for it to go into overdrive confused . Is there nothing the GP can give to help. The girls have inherited my problem and they find Transexamic acid reduces the heavy ness and pain. Plans for Dad,s birthday sound fun.

Another who avoids those games so I don't get sucked in , too many distractions as it is, though am ahead of big Copt on angry birds ( this is a big deal as she is sort of organically linked into any computerised device, does't even have to think about it, and it does her bidding, whilst they deliberately subvert all my attempts to do anything.) in retaliation she did a few levels of FarmVille on my Facebook and now I am constantly getting notifications from a couple of friends, I've no idea how to tactfully withdraw......

Big Copt another Scientist Ash doing Natural Sciences , also about to go into Third year, she has a research internship this summer at Moorfields Eye Hospital. Did the bugger sink your entire year's work experience or did you get a chance to do some of it?

hnd well done for disciplining and training Nurse Ratchett. I always think afterwards of what I should have said but at the time always feel I should be grateful they have done these things for me, which is stupid because whenever I see someone doing their job badly in any other context I am a real old bag. So I meekly let wonky oncys and Dr Grumpy's and nurse Ratchetts do their worst, and then say Thank you after angry

jchoc the Endeavour they charge you for if the first one that was a on a while ago. I got a bit miffed until I realised 2 is the first one shown last week. I. loved you pictures of the Ford near Bingley, that used to be a treat when we were little , to drive through the ford. In the days when a colouring book and some pencils and a drive through a Ford were exciting smile

Speaking of simple pleasures gigs we cleared out the shed this weekend and I thought of you when I finally cleared out the pond dipping kit we had for Crane Park, best fun for free around here. There is a platform at the end of the nature reserve island next to the shot tower and it is shallow enough to wade in wellies Have spent many happy hours there and it is a good place to take their friends as well as it doesn't seem to be an activity that occurs to alpha mums ...... If you do decide to add it to your bucket list I will give directions. Of course bloody Thames Water poisoned everything in it last year but I gather the wildlife and fish are returning.

Waves to everyone, hope it is a good week for those with appointment

KurriKurri Mon 29-Apr-13 11:34:39

Hi all, have caught up with all your posts - but won't try to comment on all as it would be the world's longest post!

Gigs - great that you are home, hope you are feeling OK and not too sore, must be lovely to see the girls (and of course the lovely MrG)

Earth - I'm so sorry to hear your news sad - you must be feeling very scared atm, especially after such a long period in hospital. I hope the onc and surgeon can give you some sort of information when you see them, that will help you understand better what is going on and what they plan to do about it. Is there a BCN at hand who could be at them meeting with you and help you tackle them for some answers?
Much love to you my dear, please do keep posting if it helps in any way. xx

love to all.

I'm out of hospital, sorry should have made that clearer. I came out on Friday gone. Weird but I thought everything would be fine once I was home, of course it's not, how could it be. I had radiotherapy on my spine while in hospital and was told it was to control the pain but that it wouldn't come into effect for 2-4 weeks, it will be 2 weeks tomorrow since the operation and on Wednesday it will be 2 weeks since the radio therapy finished. No let up of the pain so far. I'm on a lot of morphine as well as other pain killers but nothing seems to touch the pain in my hip.

Our youngest child is getting married next year, spring probably, I desperately want to be here for that. I need to know what the prognosis is.

Gigondas Mon 29-Apr-13 11:44:19

Earth -hand holding too from another bone met type. The pain is the end isnt it?and my op was also sprung on me.

At the very least they should control the pain angryangry. Are you on nerve and ord pain ? You may need to switch as I am amazed How personal painkillers are-they changed mine when I was in and it did work-I went to oxynorm/OxyContin from morphine and was miles better for me.

Keep offloading here darling-being banged up and in pain is no good. It is fact that controlling pain does extend prognosis so that should help. I would cry too if been in that long.

Am really enjoying being home and yes mini gigs have forgiven and now like never away complete with meltdown as I am massively unreasonable not to let big gig take Barbie to school.

Pain ok but being really careful not to over do it. Even managed relatively quick and normal shower today -avoiding dressings then getting dressed with one sore arm is a trick.

Mas-sent you fb message x

Gigondas Mon 29-Apr-13 11:46:08

You had op then radio!!! No bloody wonder you are sore- I am waiting 4 weeks minimum for radio to let op pain go so no wonder you are sore. Also being in bed a month will weaken you. Gentle hugs.

Gigondas Mon 29-Apr-13 11:47:27

Oh crane park -can see the gigs loving that.

Sometimesiwonder Mon 29-Apr-13 11:49:34

Hugs from me too, Earth. sad

What Copt said was very wise - they must see a future for you or they wouldn't put you through so much. I also think you should see if you (or someone on your behalf) can talk to someone before Friday for help with pain and information, that must seem an age away. 30 days in hospital shock must have seemed never ending.

Also, the femoral nail thing is agony, I know, even without all the rest of it to deal with. Hope you can get the pain sorted, my lovely.

Much love xxx

Gigondas Mon 29-Apr-13 11:51:43

Copt right about prognosis as they said exactly that ( don't operate if you are a goner) to me.

I cannot begin to tell you lovely people how much that means, it's hope isn't it. I have a visit from a Macmillan nurse at 1.30 today, help, what should I ask. I feel so ignorant, I had convinced myself that after my mastectomy that was the worst I'd ever have to go through. Little did I know!

I screeched at Dh this morning because we can't find Betty, my fake boob, I mean, how do you lose a fake boob? I was rushed into A&E in my nightie so I know I didn't take it with me but can I hell as like find it. Poor man, it's not the end of the world but boy did he get itblush

KurriKurri Mon 29-Apr-13 12:17:26

Earth - I have a friend who was DX with mets in her spine two years ago, - yes she had a tough time in hospital like you to get it all stabalized and strengthened, - but she is now back playing badminton once a week, she has had some chemo but is having a break from that now, she is doing well and looks fit and healthy.

I totally agree with others - they would not treat you if they didn't think it was worth it.

I do think the hospital should be putting you in touch with any support groups for people who have secondaries, and with any kind of counselling that might be helpful for you (if you would like something like that) I'm sure it would help you to talk to others who are living with such a DX, - it an awful lot to be thrown at you physically and emotionally without any help to process it all.

Sometimesiwonder Mon 29-Apr-13 12:21:38

As for the meeting with the Macmillan nurse - don't worry about what to ask, just sit and have a chat. She'll know what you probably want to ask, and you can just take it form there. Try to relax (impossible, I know).

As for losing Betty - poor DH. Don't worry, he can take it. x

KurriKurri Mon 29-Apr-13 12:22:03

Regarding the Macmillan nurse (sorry cross posted) - I think you will find that she/he is very good at helping you say what you want and need to say - I wouldn't worry about not knowing what to ask, they are brilliant at just facillitating what you want to say. And she will also I'm sure be able to give you or direct you towards any information you may want.

Don't think that anything you may want to ask is silly or ignorant why should you know any of this stuff?- that is what they are there to help you with.

And it doesn't matter if you just feel like crying or whatever with her, - she'll help you.

smee Mon 29-Apr-13 12:26:28

Can't say more than the others have, Earth, but I agree - that's a big op which they wouldn't have done if there wasn't hope. Macmillan Nurse will I'm sure be great at helping you find the things you want to talk about. Will your DH be with you when you meet the MN? Maybe it will help him too? Have you found Betty yet?! x

pray to St Anthony to find Betty...
The mets thing is pretty hard to process and I agree with what the others have said...am sure Macmillan nurse will be helpful too.
gig would you be able to email me the pics ?

jchocchip Mon 29-Apr-13 13:01:43

Gentle hugs to earth. Wonder where betty can be?

still no Betty I'm afraid but my BCN has promised me a new one when I go to see the consultant. Feels weird wearing the softee though. Yes he'll be here, he's grounded until he finds Betty wink

I have some stuff in place via occupational therapy and physios, ie zimmer and a commode as well as a dinky little trolley for when I want to make tea etc. Luckily we have a downstairs bedroom, it used to be our nursery room when we were fostering so its filled to the ceiling with glorious memories, and I'm getting used to "downstairs living" We need to sort bathing out as we have a tiny loo downstairs but no shower or bath. I need Tizaparin injections every day and everyone one wants to have a go at puncturing me lol. Very gentle they are too, thank goodness for grown up children. The district nurse was happy to allow this and so far so good.

If it wasn't for the pain I'd feel well in myself so if we can get that sorted I know I'll come to terms with it. Other than the mastectomy pain I had no pain with the breast cancer so this came as a shock, as well as physios wanting me up and walking the day after surgeryshock

smee Mon 29-Apr-13 13:24:31

Hooray for BCN, Earth. Bet you find Betty the minute you get the new one. grin

Gigs, good to hear you're able to do a bit more. What's next? Are they going to get you some physio?

Waving to Sometimes, MAS, Kurri, Jane and any lurkers. smile

AshokanFarewell Mon 29-Apr-13 16:09:49

I've finally just caught up with all the posts!

Firstly Earth I'm so sorry, you've had such a rough month. I hope the Macmillan nurse is helpful and perhaps she can get some help for your pain before Friday, it is ridiculous of docs to make you wait when you are in so much pain angry

ned I am hoping to stay on for PGCE if they'll have me. It's nice and local and their education department sounds fab. They offer the early years PGCE as well as primary so I'll have to decide at some point which to go for. I'm hoping to join their volunteering in schools programme next year for experience.

sand chemical engineering sounds tough, especially at Imperial, hope he's not too stressed out with exams. My mum did chem eng maaaany years ago.

gigs small world indeed! Glad you're settling in back at home smile

cop luckily my placement started in August so I worked just over three months before having to go on sick leave smile I was really enjoying it as well and if I hadn't got ill I think I would've hopefully gone on to work in the civil service after uni.

I'm having a bit of a bad day pouch-wise, I wish the damn thing would just sort itself out angry but apart from that all good. I'm already getting excited about uni next term and been looking at diaries blush

Had my blood taken by a lovely young male phlebotomist this morning. He didn't use a children's needle but still managed not to make a huge hole in my arm so I'm smitten grin

notJenkins Mon 29-Apr-13 16:28:08

Just running in to say first day done and dusted. All went ok and tere was not a lot of people in the office so did not have too much head tiltery going on.

I am running off to vacuum now. Another house viewing in an hour.

AshokanFarewell Mon 29-Apr-13 16:58:46

Good news NJ, hope the viewing goes well.

KurriKurri Mon 29-Apr-13 17:06:03

Good luck with the viewing NJ - my Mum had a couple of viewings over the weekend - one a couple who had already had one look round, - so maybe the market is picking up a bit with the nicer weather etc.
Glad work was good and only limited head tilting to contend with.

Asho - grr to pouch behaving badly again, - hope it sorts itself out soon for you. It's lovely to hear you are getting excited about uni, - good for you smile - (I love diaries, - part of my secret stationery and organization fetish I think grin)

Earth - hope the Macmillan visit was helpful for you this afternoon.

DH has been to a conference today and juts come home with one of those drumstick lollies for me and DD - the ones that taste like chalk - I love them grin

Gigondas Mon 29-Apr-13 17:12:54

Glad day back ok notjenkins and fingers crossed for viewing.

Smee- I have Physio rehab exercises to do at home and will have more later when more mobile. Idea is that need to rehabilitate for 2/3 weeks - then will see dr lovely to reduce pain meds and I guess look at scheduling radio but won't do that til bit better.

Hope nurse was good rainbow -am smile at missing Betty and poor dh.

Big gig continues to mess about at school-parents evening will be a joy next week.

Figgyroll Mon 29-Apr-13 18:30:38

Hello all.

Earth, so sorry to hear about your pain and echo what all the other lovely ladies have said - try to get the pain sorted and you will feel tons better. <<<Earth>>> gentle hugs for you.

I had good news at the breast clinic - the core biopsy revealed my nipple is suffering from nothing worse than a bad case of eczema. Thank goodness for that. Now I can concentrate 100% on DH tomorrow - he goes for a chest scan to see if there is spread, and will then see urologist who will have scans on his computer so will probably be able to give an idea of a treatment plan. I am praying with all my might the chest scan is clear.

I've been in a right state worrying about my results and now DHs. I will be calmer tomorrow once we know what's what.

Love to all you remarkable ladies. xxxx

dear lovely figgy -that's v good news about your breast and am thinking and sending best thoughts to your dh xxxxx

Copthallresident Mon 29-Apr-13 18:40:03

I am just popping in to throw a GIANT Reubens Spelt Loaf on the trolley since Reuben's minion told me earlier that Spelt is wonderful stuff, full of Vitamins and digestive enzymes AND <goes into comedy Italian "justa lika my mama used to make" voice> it is evena good for the Cancer, it is reallya that good YEAH! What with being licked by Sauren and Reuben's Spelt loaf who needs Doctors! though I may have struggled with evil thoughts of Cancer tourettes-

KurriKurri Mon 29-Apr-13 18:49:29

Figgy - that is great news about your breast biopsy, - I know you will have mixed feelings -relief, but also lots of anxiety about MrF, - he is in my thoughts and I'm sending all the good vibes in my power for a good scan result for him tomorrow xx

Gigs - hope the physio is helping - but from my experience of physio exercises they will also be hard work!

Waves to Copt and bites her Spelt loaf grin

smee Mon 29-Apr-13 20:11:43

Nibbling spelt loaf, ta Copt, though would rather have a lick of that drumstick lollie, Kurri smile

Hip-hip-hooray for Figgy!! I know you've got a lot to get through with your DH, but that's a massive relief. I'm so pleased for you. We'll keep our fingers crossed for your DH. Hopefully you'll get the best news you can after the scan. Keep talking on here. xx

Gigs, physio can be ouch. You'll need many treats.. What's big Gig up to at school? Is she trying to take over the classroom?? grin

Great to hear first day back wasn't so bad, notJ. smile

Ash, hope you see the blood boy again. grin

Gigondas Mon 29-Apr-13 20:42:08

Figgy -am pleased it was ok but thoughts with you and dh tomorrow.

Yes physio of the no psin,gain type but it helped on my leg.
And snacks good so I will have some Reuben's bread wink

Big gig not doing work when asked and being wilful-has done this before (and at home) hence are discounting its hospital effect. The words " she is still a long way from where want her to be " had me reaching for the choclit . The heavy guns aka as grandma going to help out at home. We will get there but she is a wily one -it's not her brains (teacher says amongst most able), its her attitude.

HerNextDoorAt21 Mon 29-Apr-13 21:45:29

Hello it's me again dropping in to say hello

gigs so glad to see you are home and sorry to see your wee girl is not being the best..... My two little ones were very weird when I got out of hospital, I almost felt like it was not my house any more <shudders>

figgy'that is great news for you and I hope that DH gets equally encouraging news tomorrow

earth I am so sorry to read about your recent stay in hospital,and the things that are going on, I don't really know what to say except I am offering another hand to hold.

I have an appt to get my drains and dressings changed in the morning and hoping it is nice nurse tomorrow or nurse Ratchett turned nice. I get to this stage twice a week and I feel so itchy and although I am told, ther is no noticeable odour, I feel smelly !!!! So always feel better getting new dressings.

I am then off to book our ferries for our holiday to England (Cornwall) for the summer. We have been lucky to get a grant for our DS with Aspergers for a well deserved break. He has had an ongoing obsession with Butlins for years but never been so we are booking to go to minehead for 4 nights on the way to Cornwall..... We have not told him yet and I can't WAIT to tell him ! topsy tried to intercept courier to get grant vouchers today but he would not let her sign for them ( he must have heard about her) so a little bit cheerier here today. I did however decided to give the bathroom a real spring clean today, the first very intensive thing I have done since surgery ..... I am sure tomorrow will see me crippled and wishing I had never done it !

Sometimesiwonder Mon 29-Apr-13 22:06:57

Woo ho for eczema, Figgy (and who would have thought that could ever be thought a good thing?), I'm sending lots of positive vibes and prayers for a good result for Mr Figgy. X

Great to hear about your holiday Hernextdoor - I love Cornwall.

Hope Earth ( and everyone else) is feeling OK.

holiday sounds fab hnd - I used to long to go to Butlins as a girl and used to get the brochures to show my parents - so quite understand ds's obsession.(we never went sad)
Spelt is totally delicious in salad - I love the sonora salad at Wahaca which has spelt- yum.
Can I offer some walnut whips ?

Sometimesiwonder Mon 29-Apr-13 22:23:57

I can ALWAYS go a walnut whip!

smee Mon 29-Apr-13 23:44:59

Me too <grabs> Do you suck the middle out? mmmm.. grin

Holiday sounds great, HND. Bet the kids will love Butlins, I have a friend who always takes her lot and she loves it.

How are you, MAS? Any better?

Night all zz

KurriKurri Tue 30-Apr-13 00:04:26

Do walnut whips still have walnut in the bottom? - I'm sure they used to but don't think they do now. I still like them though grin

Butlins and Cornwall sound fun HND, we used to go to Butlins as children and loved it. Hope the dressing change isn't too bad tomorrow.

Night all x

disappointingly no walnuts at the bottom, but v nice anyway- I daintily bite the top off,then stuff in my mouth...yum.
smee am feeling ok I think,mentally and physically -thank you.
Hope everyone has a good day - it's very sunny here so far.

topsyturner Tue 30-Apr-13 08:01:52

Morning All

Just bobbing on to wish Mr & Mrs Figgy all the best of luck for today .
I shall light my candle for you x

<any walnut whips left for my brekkie ?>

passes walnut whip and spoon to topsy

AshokanFarewell Tue 30-Apr-13 08:11:02

Good morning,

figgy good news about your nipple so now sending positive thoughts for DH's scan today smile

HND the holiday sounds fab, what a lovely surprise that will be, where in Cornwall are you headed? Most of our family holidays have been to different parts of Cornwall, though I don't think we will get that far this year.

Off to the physio in a while, but first I have some tear and share chocolate chip brioche so I suppose I can spare a bit for the trolley grin

Gigondas Tue 30-Apr-13 08:42:02

Spoon for walnut whip - that's elegant.

Hnd - holiday sounds brilliant. When I was a kid I used to love holidays on boat on Norfolk broads. Was my absolute pleasure. But butlins also appealed but only ever went for a day with brownies. I think I better get over to stately homes thread to help mend the harm my parents did.

Brioche sounds yum ash- have some on supermarket delivery.

Rainbow- how you doing? I had about of sore night With arm so am dosed up . Think just over did it as was aching.

Candle lit here for figgy dh.

topsyturner Tue 30-Apr-13 09:15:33

Mas knows I'm a classy bird Gigs wink

Gigondas Tue 30-Apr-13 09:40:05

Tom was singing about you wasn't he topsy? lady

KurriKurri Tue 30-Apr-13 10:31:38

Good thoughts and candles for Mr Figgy today, hope all goes well xx

Not having a very good day here, - things very difficult between Dh and I, we have had a very civilised talk about it all and it all feels a bit end of the road. sad Who knows? - maybe I am just feeling very down at the moment and it looks bleaker than it is, but it looks pretty bleak sad

Gigondas Tue 30-Apr-13 10:38:14

Kurri-am really sorry to hear that things so hard as I know it's been an ongoing battle.

Thinking of you - sending you gentle hugs. If it helps to vent do.

topsyturner Tue 30-Apr-13 11:05:38

I'm sorry to hear things are bad kk
I don't know what to suggest .
Just here to hand hold x

topsyturner Tue 30-Apr-13 11:06:15

Gigs Sir Tom ALWAYS sings about me ... grin

smee Tue 30-Apr-13 11:45:11

Oh Kurri, that is sad. Is that a new thought or has it been around for a while? I know you've had problems of late, but thinking it might be the end is a big one to get to. (((hugs from me)))) sad

MAS, glad you're feeling well, though you must be a bit addled to be giving Topsy a spoon for a walnut whip. grin

Gigs, how are you today? Big gig sounds like a challenge. If it makes you feel any better, I think a lot are when they start school. Good on her for having a bit of attitude though. smile

Hope you have a good physio session, Ash. smile

Figgy, I've lit a candle too. Thinking of you and your DH. xx

Waving to all who I've missed. Am trying v.hard not to put the heating on, but it's cold...! I have 2 jumpers and a hot water bottle already... hmm

Sometimesiwonder Tue 30-Apr-13 12:08:34

KK that does sound big and serious. And very, very sad. I know you're not one to jump in though, so imagine it's been brewing for a good while. But I really hope you can sort it out and reach some kind of understanding that means you don't have to hit the buffers, after all this time. sad

Adding my fervent hopes again for Mr Figgy.

Smee - it's pretty cold here, too. But a quick look at the weather forecast for the BH weekend and for next week shows the promise of some actual warmth, so I'm keeping it all crossed.

Any walnut whips left? I've just had a very virtuous salad so am just about ready and eager to start scuppering my latest dieting attempts, if anyone's got anything at all fattening....

Good morning (just) allsmile feeling a tad better today after yesterdays wee meltdown[blush)

I am sorry KK it seems sometimes too much when all isn't well on top of everything else.

This morning I have written a letter of complaint/concern to the hospital.
While I was in one of the other ladies was suffering a broken hip as well as dementia. The poor soul was in a terrible state, she had no idea where she was, or what had happened to her and some of the staff(not all) wern't very nice to her. She did, I must admit become wearing after a while, calling out constantly etc but the general mocking of her was downright cruel at times as was the ignoring her. I was, at the time feeling sorry for myself so shamefully, other than a mild protest at her treatment, said nothing, she has been very much on my mind since I came home, hence the letter. I am dithering as to whether or not to sign it knowing I could be back there at any time myself.

The letter will have more impact if I do won't it.

KurriKurri Tue 30-Apr-13 12:16:25

Thanks all. I am just feeling very numb about it all atm, and can't really think properly, - things are very hard because he finds it so hard to communicate and say what he means, and then he says things which (I hope) he doesn't mean, but it is all such hard work.
I don't know if we can sort it out, I don't know if I've got the energy to try, I'm just so tired of it all. sad

Give us a walnut whip someone, I need a fatty snack or ten. smile

Sometimesiwonder Tue 30-Apr-13 12:16:33

Hi Earth, glad you're feeling stronger.

It will have more impact if you sign it, I'm afraid. It is very, very kind of you to be so concerned about this lady when you have so much going on yourself. Poor little old thing (her, not you wink )

Sometimesiwonder Tue 30-Apr-13 12:18:17

Hi KK. Right, well I'm off to M&S in a sec so I can stock up on their own brand ones if you think those are OK? (let's face it, they're chocolate so they can't be too bad)

Darling kk I'm so sorry to hear that things have got so bad with dh - I too don't know what to say or suggest that might be helpful but can offer my hand to hold and much love.
earth it's tricky, but I guess signing would have more of an impact.
I am resolutely in my flip flops and will shortly go out ....really sunny here, but chilly wind.
There are some M&S walnut whips left - I bought them to compare and contrast with the real ones.

KurriKurri Tue 30-Apr-13 12:28:51

Earth - have you tried contacting PALS for advice?- they might be able to help, and they are confidential so it might be possible to get the complaint investigated without your name having to come into it (I'm guessing here, as I have no experience of this, but it might be worth giving them a ring and explaining the situation) How kind of you to look out for the old lady, - very sad that she was badly treated.

How did your meeting with the nurse go yesterday - was it helpful? - I hope so.

Sometimes - any kind of walnut whip (or chocolate based foodstuff) should do the trick grin

MAS - brave to be in flip flops, - it's freezing here!

Thank you for hand holding. xx

Excellent idea re PALS KK, why didn't I think of that doh!

It was a good meeting, I criedblush Dh had to leave us before the end so just the two of us chatting somehow made it easier to let go.

She is putting my case before the panel thing which discusses and tries to help patients, she feels my medication may be wrong and that the pain is nerve based. She promised to ring this afternoon or tomorrow morning as the panel was this morning. I am holding my breath in the hope that changing medication will help this awful pain.

I asked Dh to put a pair of socks on me at bedtime because my feet were cold, of course halfway through the night I was boiling hot and trying to take the damn things off without causing pain was awful.

NedSchneebly Tue 30-Apr-13 13:09:44

Afternoon all <attracted by all this talk of walnut whips> I don't actually like walnuts, so if that key ingredient is missing, then all the better smile

kurri my love, what a difficult time for you. Feeling so much for you at the moment. There is nothing I can say to make it any better but know that you are in my thoughts as you struggle with DH. Could DS or DD be any help, although I am sure that you wouldn't want to burden them with it all. Rant on here if you need to, we can all listen and support. Sending you massive hugs x x x x

Earth sorry, hadn't said hi yet, but it does sound like you need something pretty radical to be done to help the pain. Got everything crossed that they can come up with a better solution for you x x

What news of MrFiggy? Anyone know what time the appointment is? I don't think figgy said.

smee its pretty cold here - possibly colder inside than out confused have sent DS to school in shorts (his choice) so I hope very much that hypothermia will not have set in by 3pm. . .

MAS you clearly have hardy feet. Mine would be blue as anything if I was in flipflops!

Have discovered that my mobile contract runs out on May 14th and then I can get an upgrade - I need an iPhone, don't I? grin

Copthallresident Tue 30-Apr-13 13:12:40

KK That is a big thought, do you think though that DH may be making you feel that way because he is feeling defensive and needs time to digest what has been said? DH will often be defensive in discussion and then after he has had a chance to think through the reality and potential consequences of what has been said realises that things have to change (for a while sad) or is it you that feels end of road?

Must say I just cooked DHs tea and went off to bed at 7 last night because he was being arsey this weekend and after not sleeping on Sunday night I really wasn't in the mood for any more of it. Feeling better and stronger today after a good night's sleep.

Bigger worry though is that Little Copt's new school are asking for all sorts of back up evidence for extra time because they have tightened up the rules. Her AS exams start in 12 days and it is a rotten trick that suddenly there is even a possibility she won't get it. She gets anxious when it comes to exams because she finds them so tiring and frustrating and this is just adding to it, and she had a panic attack last night. We go to the Ed Psychs on Thursday (who are overrun apparently so she is not the only one, f******g s*****g c******g - not a word but we dyslexics are good at making up appropriate words- stupid Gove) and I can't believe it won't be justified, HUGE gap between ability and processing and memory and speed is the bottom 10% of population, her teachers have always been clear she needs it)

gigs Sorry it wasn't such a good night. Everything always seems to start to ache when you get home. I always think it is the worst bit, in hospital you are a bit out of it and fed up with all the attention but then you are on your own for the longest achey and hardest work (physio etc.) bit of recovery. Plus you overdo it because you just want to be normal again. I bet that shower was worth it for the morale, the smelliness and stickyness of hospital is almost worse than the hard beds.

Being a long way from where they want big gigs to be in Reception in one of our prep schools really isn't something to worry about. Children develop at different times and maybe she just isn't ready for where they want her to be or maybe she is just cussed but I really wouldn't worry if she doesn't fit their template for the road to the 7+/11+, which in any case is as much the product of interaction with the alpha mums <shudder> as actually what the schools look for at 7 and 11. I can assure you wilfulness does not preclude you! One of my friend's DD got into you know where from Ibstock and they certainly wouldn't have even been using the same GPS!

I've written an essay, waves and offers hand holding for all who need it, I longed for Butlins too, but got caravans in wet fields in Wales or Lakes

and I only really came on to prevent an attack of Cancer Tourettes at someone moaning on Facebook that they were having to have 8 injections for a bicycling trip to Africa to raise funds for Breast Cancer charities, "the things you do for charity", nothing to the things you do when you get Cancer, dear, and she was around when I was having treatment (she had a bit of a crick in her neck at the time)

smee Tue 30-Apr-13 13:14:47

Flipflops, MAS?! shock

Earth, good on you for writing the letter. I agree with the PALs suggestion. Can't harm to contact them first. Pain in night sounds horrid. Hope you're doing better now.

Waving enthusiastically to that cruel mother Ned. Yes you definitely need an iPhone. grin

Can I tempt anyone from the walnut whips to a Tunnock's wafer? Virtually no calories. unless you eat 6 wink

Gigondas Tue 30-Apr-13 13:15:43

I am in flip flops but not actually left the house . Am doing ok smee - trying to balance rest and not overdoing it as arm was sore in night which may be sign to be careful. And I completely agree that big gig is an age/personality thing ( hnd it's interesting you say how disruptive hospital was)as has done this when here/not. We will get there but it's never a quick fix is it?grin

Kurri - it must be very draining at best of times without dh condition complicating it.

Earth-I think pals is a great idea. I really hope can sort your pills- the nerve painkillers really helped. I smiled at wanting up change socks as I have same issue that anything round shoulders or head is a military operation to put on.

smee Tue 30-Apr-13 13:18:07

x-posted with you, Copt. Your poor DD. My dyslexic niece has been told no extra time, but she's not at such a critical stage as she's yr10, so has time to get her head round it. DS only 8, but we clearly have all this to come. Bloody Gove. Man's an idiot. angry

That woman on her bicycle sounds like she deserves a bit of Cancer Tourettes. hmm

smee Tue 30-Apr-13 13:20:30

Gig, could you be doing a bit too much too soon maybe? Take care now. BigGig still so v.little. Do you think the school's maybe too strict or about right? They vary so much I know.

Gosh, this moves fast!

Figs – yay for clear biopsy! You would have got through it, but it must be such a relief to only deal with one set of cancer at a time. I couldn't imagine a double whammy.

Earth – hope the pain settles soon. Friday does seem like an eternity. Sorry to hear about the woman in the same room, it seems ridiculously silly to make fun of her within earshot.

Gigs – hopefully comfy bed means more sleep, more healing, and more everything getting better, even if it's hard going to get there.

The plan for inflammatory is apparently the same as for advanced local at this stage. The standard here is FEC and I've been on EC, but I've asked to go on the triple whammy. I meet the surgeon on Wednesday. Anything I need to ask her? I'll have a masectomy and there will be radiation afterwards. I'm ok with not doing reconstruction, at least at this time. I might change my mind in the future....

Copthallresident Tue 30-Apr-13 14:31:30

Oh no smee smile it will be your fault wink You'll probably be able to see.......

I xposted lots of people.

earth I do hope they get the pain sorted out. It does seem as gigs says to be a bit of an art rather than Science knowing what will work . I accompanied a friend to a pain specialist who was famous for sorting out people's deep seated chronic pain problems and it was quite an eye opener but there is allsorts they can do if the usual regimes don't work.

Plus I have a spare Betty if that would help grin

Ned Get an iphone or I have got a new Galaxy something or other that does the same things. I am in love as you may have noticed on Fbook wink It is just going to drive me to the park and walk the dog......

KK I have every sympathy with getting tired of it all, I actually hadn't read your comment when I made mine. However best to give things time so you can get things in perspective and give him time to get his thoughts straight too. Perhaps the possibility you may actually be too tired of it all will concentrate his thoughts on the fact things need to change ......

Copthallresident Tue 30-Apr-13 14:38:46

smee I have done it, she is facist leader of very serious rowing club who commands absolute loyalty, so I expect hate, or maybe just passively aggressive hate, posts grin

smee Tue 30-Apr-13 14:52:24

Go, Copt!!! sounds like she more than deserves it. grin

Sparkle, I had everything thrown at mine. Not inflammatory, but it had got into the nodes, so had mastectomy + nodal clearance, chemo, rads and now on Tamoxifen. Hard work, but it's best in a way. If they give you reduced treatment you never know it might miss a stray cell or something. This way it blitzes the bastards! Will have a think about any questions for surgeon and post if I think of any. smile

Just got a call to offer me a nice work project. Yay! smile

Sometimesiwonder Tue 30-Apr-13 15:06:44

Ooh a big YAY for you, smee smile

Glad the Macmillan nurse came up with some good ideas, Earth. I hope she can help you with the pain, that's so draining.

I've brought a fresh stash of walnut whips -does anyone know if they still make the coffee ones? I hate coffee but a coffee walnut whip is the very best thing.....

smee Tue 30-Apr-13 15:09:07

No you see, coffee walnut whip's all wrong. I'll keep going with the Tunnocks. grin

amberlight Tue 30-Apr-13 16:05:24

Earth, grrrr about the pain. Keeping everything crossed for something far more sensible than this. I'm assuming your team have looked at the pre- trials for "Jagged1" therapy? Merck & Co. has developed one such experimental drug known as a gamma secretase inhibitor (GSI). It stops bone mets. Might be worth asking Merck if they are at a Trial point or would like to do a pre-trial test? Risky, but they'll soon say if it's too early for them to want to give it a whirl.

KK, heck re DH. Logic and emotions happen on different days with us lot, so logic on day one isn't of use until emotions catch up the next day/a few days later. Infer nothing right now, if possible. Sending a hug and cuppa.

Hi all. Waving to those wrestling with all sorts of stuff. Recovering from the wild weekend. brew out.

M&S make all sorts of Walnut Whips. Worth a rummage.

aw thank you Copt, BCN says she'll order me one (large of nork) Just had dreaded physio on phone, she's coming out on Thursday, how I grew to hate their cheery faces while in hospital. I know its their job but seriously, the day after a two hour major op with buckets full of anaesthetic (sp) still hanging around making me queasy shock

I told her I didn't feel up to it that day "well ok" she frowns "but I'll have to write that in the book" oh no, not.the bookshock

Dh reminded me earlier of an incident with my poor old lady that had us all in stitches, she had been calling out and pressing her bell over and over and been ignored. She had a funny little sing-song tone to her voice especially when she got into full swing and she shouted out

"please, can anyone help" again and again, eventually someone shouted back at her "what do you want now" The sing-song voice with a kind of wicked glee replied "Ive shit ma pants"

after a nanosecond of silence one of the visitors began to chuckle, and oh lord how that chuckle grew and grew grin

I can honestly say it was the one and only time I really laughed in almost a month.

Bless you Joan, get well soon x

KurriKurri Tue 30-Apr-13 16:48:38

thanks all, - I don't want to harp on about my problems, because that's not really what this thread is for and I don't want to put anyone off talking about cancer DX because there's a load of my posts about relationships!
Suffice it to say - your support means a lot to me. I think the advice to take it slowly is good, there's really no need to rush any decisions, we've been together 30 years, we can out up with each other for a few more days or weeks!

I don't know why he says the things he does, they are very hurtful, then he says they've 'come out wrong' so maybe I should make more allowances. I think defensiveness does come into it Copt. He seems to think he's under attack all the time - any request is seen as a criticism.

Part of the problem for me has been lack of sleep - he doesn't come to bed until the middle of the night and he disturbs me and I can't get back to sleep - so am struggling on a two or three hours a night - and it makes me emotionally a bit fragile.

amber - you are a treasure, and I listen very much to what you say - I feel very lucky to have someone who can give me insight into his possible thought processes and I will take on board what you say xx

Anyway - enough about me already!

Earth - oh dear to being in 'the book' grin your card has been marked!
hope the pain meeting comes up trumps and they sort you out asap. Also hope the new nork arrives swiftly.

yay for new project Smee - well done you.

Sparkle - good luck with surgeons meeting, it's good to know that they are throwing everything at the bastard.

Good luck with tackling school Copt .

yes you do need an iphone Ned grin

Gigs don't over do things, and good luck with parents evening.

I am going to a talk on wildlife photography tonight, - I'll be glad to get out of the house I think.

Gigondas Tue 30-Apr-13 17:49:23

Kurri - enjoy the talk.i think taking or slowly is a plan. And don't feel can't talk-I like thread as it is about us as people not just a dx and life does continue .

Smee- yay re project grin. I think you are right About overdoing it or doing things that haven't done much of ( stairs, sitting up, acting as a badger climbing frame). Am not stinting on pain killers now.

Re big gig, I think school are being tough but it's with our consent as I think it is only way ( big gig is strong willed). She doesn't seem unhappy tho so I don't think it's Ott. Copt - all you say is comforting ( it is nice you understand it all) and I am not seriously worried. But shockshockangry for little Copt - that is just pure fuckwittery. Sorry dh not helping your stress levels .

Mas- have we got a conclusive view on m and s. v. Original walnut whips? You would be Proud as been overdosing on yoghurt today as its good for me.

Earth- physios can be right pieces of work can't they? Hope you get new drugs so we can compare side effects . We can also see who can change socks quickest wink.

Amber- you are so Good on your info. I had no idea about any of that.

Waves to sparkle , ash and sometimes

Gigondas Tue 30-Apr-13 18:50:08

Pass the wine- just spoken to onc. She was nice but it's double radio for neck but also tiny spot on right hip ( the niggle have had). Am not surprised but bit sadhmm - can we do a candle and box sit that this can be it for me .

But have official medical endorsement to put weight on so opens mouth by the trolley wink.

smee Tue 30-Apr-13 20:20:01

Gig, that's a sod. I know you were hoping the hip thing wasn't. <Pours a huge mound of Green & Blacks and some Percy Pigs on trolley especially for you.> Did she tell you specifics on Radio, so how much and when?

sandripples Tue 30-Apr-13 20:20:46

Hi Gigs, sorry about the need for to have double rads - I am definitely lighting a candle for you. Have never quite understood various refs to boxes (except the paranoia one) so forgive me if not fully understanding - thinking of you.

KK - I know I've missed a whole important chun of your current story - but just want to say I'm sorry you're having a tough time. I think some time to reflect will be good - no point throwing out a relationship of such long standing too quickly.

Love to you both and also Earth, Ashokan and anyone else having a rough time just now. My goodness, all life is on this thread.

Copthallresident Tue 30-Apr-13 20:20:48

gigs bum firmly in place and candles lit, duel purpose, also to warm up because it is freezing outside and just had to water plants in rather optimistically donned this morning shorts (though not ready for flip flops shock
kk Agree with gigs sadly relationship problems are part of life, and Cancer puts it's own strain on relationships. Plus you deserve support too.

earth I worked as a cleaner in a heart hospital long ago, and got posted to a nissen hut in the ground where they kept all the dementia patients they couldn't discharge because there was nowhere for them to go. It was pretty horrendous though at least the staff all were experienced in handling their problems with compassion. The poo obsession was sadly very common, sneaking behind the chairs in the TV room and one old lady used to make "animals " out of it, like plasticine, and wait until noone was looking and then display them on the rails on her bed, shrieking proudly that it was an elephant or giraffe.... It was a bit wearing but one day one of the old ladies presented me with a poem written out in immaculate Italics, basically saying she hoped that I would enjoy my life as much as she had. It made me realise how easy it was to overlook that they were all individuals. So I hope your complaint will highlight any failures of compassion.

Gigondas Tue 30-Apr-13 20:27:29

Yep it's paranoia box. Hip nodule is small (about a cm) and zappable but sooner not there.

Meeting onc in 3 weeks so would imagine rads will be a about month or so after that assuming am healing up. No idea if 4 or 6 weeks but as it happens can't go away til August so am thinking in those terms.

Like earth, I just have to remind myself that don't treat if not worth it.

As I said , I was expecting it but would sooner had been pleasantly surprised.

Hoovers choc and Percy pigs - am ok really. I will be back on box shift next week.

Gigondas Tue 30-Apr-13 20:27:54

It is soo not flip flops weather here Copt .

Gigondas Tue 30-Apr-13 20:31:37

And ned you need an iPhone.

smee Tue 30-Apr-13 20:42:10

Absolutely they wouldn't treat if they didn't think it was worth it. I know a woman who has had bone mets - just a couple for 10 years. They treat every so often and they shrink. She's fitter than me. Am on the box, with a box of matches. Seems more fun than candles. xx grin

HerNextDoorAt21 Tue 30-Apr-13 21:11:44

Evening all

ash we are going to a tiny place called Porthcothan which is 5 miles north of Padstow. I have been there at least one a year since I was 5 years old. If you have FB, there is a photo of the beach at Porthcothan as my cover picture. Both my mum and dad's ashes are scattered on the beach - its a very special and magical place and I am so glad my boys (and previously my stepchildren) have been able to share it.

ned you DO most CERTAINLY need an iphone !

earth you are so compassionate complaining on that lady's behalf, I heard a few mutters about someone on my ward too ... mind you she was shouting "Isaaaaaaaaaaac .....get me a plant pot to piss in" all night ! I hope you pain gets sorted

gigs I just don't know what to say - i DEMAND that the hip is sorted and that you have no further problems.

KK, I am so sorry you find yourself with these worries regarding your marriage. I really have no advice but will hand hold willingly until you come to some resolution that will hopefully see you happy whichever way it all turns out. I was married (for 15 years in the end) but it had taken me a looooong time to realise that I wasn't actually happy being married to him but it was easier somehow to pretend all was well ..... I lived like that for years and when I decided to leave, I never looked back

Copth sounds like your DH has been a bit of an arse too ..... like topsy always says "it must be the moon phase"

mas wish you had not brought up Walnut WHips, I am craving one now and can't get out as the kids are sleeping and DH at work !!

figgy I hope there is encouraging news

everyone else ..... I hope I have not missed anything important

but wow you ladies have all been very busy chatting while topsy and I have been out on maneouvres.... today's escapade involved visiting the cargo depot at Belfast airport to retrieve the vouchers to get Butlins booked, visiting a shopping outlet and buying a pair of shoes each and eating a delicate pretty big lunch !

I went to the hospital this morning for dressing change and drain change and nurse Ratchett was a little more heavy handed ... I have actually renamed her Nurse Fuckwit as she did not put the drain in properly (again) and it had to be repositioned (again). Nice nurse was also there today and a wee student so at least there was a bit of craic.

Butlins now book and both DSs are really excited, I managed to get a brochure today from the travel agent and they have been fighting over it to see all the fun things they can do. I always feel better when there is a holiday on the horizon somewhere.

Gawd, that was some post !

Copthallresident Tue 30-Apr-13 21:20:05

<firmly takes matches back from smee> I am sorry for your niece, they seem to be departing from the principle that they are levelling the playing field. Are you sure niece's school is pushing it sufficiently. What seems to have happened is that exam boards have a computer system that will only automatically give extra time if certain scores are well below average. However if you submit the application with sufficient supporting evidence of need to a human being they seem to be allowing a proportion of applicants but effectively on an opaque basis. Little Copts school is now putting together a file of evidence of need including getting all the documentation from her previous school as well as from her current teachers and we are getting an updated Ed Psych report but what parents and schools have the will and resources to do that, especially with a month to go to the exams?

topsyturner Tue 30-Apr-13 22:15:17

I had a poor old dear on my ward once , who rang the buzzer every 5 minutes all night long ( urine infection , very confused poor lady)
She had the poor night staff run ragged .
Till the last time she buzzed and asked "nurse , am I on fire?"
I didn't say "not yet" and make the nurse snort

topsyturner Tue 30-Apr-13 22:20:24

Gigs if you are trying to make up excuses to stop me coming to That There London for a big Tamoxifen piss up in a karaoke bar meet up , then think again lady !
Double rads ?
Will take more than that to keep me off a plane !

Budge over on the box , woman with ample arse needs a sit down .
<pinches pyromaniacs smees matches off her>

Had a lovely day today with HND
She made me buy shoes .
You all know how much I hate buying shoes ...

Sending out a special hug to each and every one of you tonight .
Think it's def needed .

topsyturner Tue 30-Apr-13 22:22:11

Earth I genuinely laughed out loud at "I've shit ma pants" gringringrin

topsyturner Tue 30-Apr-13 22:22:39

And finally * Ned* - get a bloody iPhone grin

trice Tue 30-Apr-13 22:41:33

Hi Everyone, can I join?
I am reeling from diagnosis of lung mets this morning. It is exactly five years and one month from my initial diagnosis (mx clearance, chemo, radiotherapy, tamoxifen) and now I am going to have to start chemo again.

I am snuggled up in bed with my lovely sensitive 7yo dd - she knows I am poorly and sad and was trying to fix me.

My family have all been telling me I am brave and a fighter. I can understand the cancer tourrets reference. I am not brave, I am fucked up. And I will never see my children grow up and my darling beloved husband will have to grow old without me. I bloody hope I have a little more time.

topsyturner Tue 30-Apr-13 22:55:24

Hi Trice
Sorry you are here .
It's a shitty club to belong to , even though we are all wonderful !

If you have any questions at all , feel free to ask . There's a few of us now with secondaries .

Give yourself chance to absorb the news first . It's one hell of a shock isn't it ?

Once that's sunk in , we can definitely help you fill in some of the details .

Brief synopsis of me .
Mx and nodes clearance .
Diagnosis of lung mets .
Chemo .
Rads .
Presently in spontaneous remission and treatment free (apart from ct scans every 3 months)

trice Tue 30-Apr-13 23:09:47

Thanks Topsy. I am not sure how to deal with my new reality. It all feels like a bad dream.

Remission would be wonderful, but I don't dare hope yet.

topsyturner Wed 01-May-13 06:14:22

Morning All

Awoken early by a sudden and urgent need to pee < extremely old lady gimmer>

Trice I hope you got some sleep last night .
Has your Onc told you how many lung spots or whether they are in both lungs ?
Has he/she spoken to you about the possibility of cyber knife ?
Ambers our resident stats queen and info guru . I'm sure she'll be along soon to give you some ideas .

I totally get how you feel about your DD and DH .
My DD was just 8 when I was told I had secondaries , my son was 11 .
I thought my heart would literally break .

Stick with us , we'll help as much as we can x

Off to Tesco this morning with HND
Anyone need anything walnut whips by the bucket full ?
Then it's the wool shop .
And I think we might squeeze a spot of lunch in ...

Hoping Figgy and Mr Figgy are ok , I haven't missed an update have I ?

Anyone else with apts today ?

topsyturner Wed 01-May-13 06:15:23

Ooh , bizarre strike out there !

amberlight Wed 01-May-13 06:24:37

Kk, going to bed at silly-o'clock is very rude of him. No spare room?
Trice, grr re lungs but science is catching up with this stuff. V close to converting most cancer to a long term nuisance. Meantime, have a cuppa Will have a stare at latest on lung nifty stuff later.
Interviewing for teachers all day. That'll be a laugh. Poor them !!

Gigondas Wed 01-May-13 06:50:43

brew For amber and anyone else? I need it as big gig playing jack in a box in the night in and out of our bed. But feeling ok about the rads-at least doing things . Also topsy rads no bar to --drink up--meet up so that is still on grin.

As am feeling better you can put matches down as dont burn the trolley.

Trice-so sorry that you are in mets club too. I was dx with lung and bone mets a year ago from soft tissue sarcoma(lung in remission following chemo, currently zapping some pesky bone mets). I also thought my heart would break (my dds are 4 and 1) but you do adapt.

Give yourself to grieve and come to terms with it as it is is necessary (and no denying its undeniably shit). This was advice of topsy and she is right. Treatment is moving on that it really is something that can go for years.

Hnd and topsy-well envy of your trips. Are shoes leopard print?

I am going to try a stroll to shops round corner today. But better go as mini gig has my make up which could get messy.

Gigondas Wed 01-May-13 06:51:22

And hugs for kurri- is stupid bedtime cos of that online game?

topsyturner Wed 01-May-13 07:08:54

Blue suade loafers Gigs
Will post pic on Facebook .

Gigondas Wed 01-May-13 07:19:43

They are very lovely envysmile

oh yes, they are very lovely shoes topsy
gig so sorry you have to endure 2 lots of rads - not fun at all.
The M&S walnut whips were nicer,in my opinion ,than the proper ones- the choc was nicer anyway. I may need to check again though.
kk am so sorry about all this stuff with dh - a big hug for you xxx
Am certainly up for a lovely meet-up smile
trice this is a horrid shock for you and very difficult to get your head around I know- I am still trying to after 7 months- I was diagnosed with multiple lung mets across both lungs and am having chemotherapy at the moment. amber the stats queen will update current info.

Gigondas Wed 01-May-13 08:10:42

At least doing rads at same time and one on hip is small/ not tricky area so should be ok.

Neck may get stiff so they mentioned steroid injections. I am ok as between dr lovely and onc I know will be ok. It's just the bone crunching tiredness you get with rads but all the more reason to rest in garden (hope we get sun).

Mas- I haven't forgotten about photos but need dh to help (and find an excuse so doesn't notice ones if him) but I know you have tons on so hope you don't mind wait.

Do waitrose do walnut whips?

I should say too that after a CT scan in February the mets had shrunk quite noticeably smile

Gigondas Wed 01-May-13 08:11:21

As had mine trice so there is some hope for you.

no rush gig as am doing my book and another pic for a neighbour.
Waitrose don't do their own brand W whips as far as I can see....

lunch out today with school friends (we go way back to primary school) !

I reckon the largest one shrunk by half-it was 1.5 cms I think in Feb

notJenkins Wed 01-May-13 08:18:58

I am quickly dashing in with a surgical mask and antibacterial gel a plenty as I have a nasty bug. I feel so ill I think it is norovirus generously passed on from my in laws. I won't throw anything on the trolley. Typical in my first week back at work I am going to have to ring in and rearrange my day.

Off to catch up with the thread.

Copthallresident Wed 01-May-13 08:21:39

Trice I am sorry to hear about the mets. Lots of us to handhold and as you can see some who know exactly how you feel but also show you do have a future. We promise no mention of being brave and a fighter.

smee friend wrote very nice reply to my Cancer tourettes, that having watched her mum go through it she felt she had to do something, and felt a bit guilty, then this "So proud of you --- for having the guts and motivation to go through what you are, voluntarily, to help for friends , both here and gone! Cancer is horrid but it sure feels good to beat it and people like you, who keep trying make it easier to get over for good. Well done brave girl! I am so in awe and proud of you xxxxx

Aiyah! Am I an evil jaded cynic to feel ever so slightly sick ..... but I did know I needed to be prepared for the passive aggressive acolytes.

However all the footporn on my fbook page has made me feel better!!

Off to Pompeii exhibition for second time grin Meeting up with my old university flatmate who lives in Canada now smile smile plus other friends, may have to go on into piss up evening meet up .

topsyturner Wed 01-May-13 08:37:46

Eek <backs away from nj scrubbing hands furiously> grin
Hope you feel better soon .

Catching up on this weeks ep of Game of porn Thrones before shopping .
I luffs this program !

Wearing new shoes .
Feeling fine smile

topsyturner Wed 01-May-13 08:38:30

Aw Cop , are you Really Brave ?
<head tilt>
wink

Gigondas Wed 01-May-13 08:47:01

No she's not brave topsy - she is a fighter and a cancer survivor ( gets punk fluffy slippers and starts to run before cop catches her).

Am envy about Pompeii as definitely want to see it. And wine after a must.

We have game of thrones on box set but not got round to it - I take that as recommendation topsy.

Enjoy your lunch mas. I am enjoying peace as gigs on school run and decorator not here yet (he is lovely nannys boyfriend) .

While I was banged up, dh arranged for whole house to be decorated. He has done one room already . Not looking forward to when it's gigs room as will mean mini in with us. That translates as in bed with us plus all badgers etc.

topsyturner Wed 01-May-13 09:04:06

<covers Cop and Gig in sparkly pink ribbons and shit>

Can you send the decorators round to my house please Gigs ?
We sanded the woodwork back 2 years ago , and still haven't managed to re paint them .
That's another thing I blame Bastard Cancer for ! grin

argh, dh keeps on at me to ring decorator (who is v lovely too and v nice company when we're working together in the house) to do utility which is cobweb heaven and dining room... the front gate which we wanted replacing has finally collapsed with woodrot....I hate disruption though.

grin @ brave fighters !
poor nj hope you're feeling better v soon.

smee Wed 01-May-13 09:38:39

Nip off the box for a moment and Topsy's stolen my matches.. shock

Hello Trice. How awful to get that news after the 5 year mark. You must have thought you'd seen the last of it. sad Stick with us on here. At least we get how scary it all is.

Copt, that woman - stunningly stupid. G'ah to her.. Not sure on my niece. Her mum's a teacher, so I'd imagine she'd know how to fight it all. I want to see Pompeii show too.

How you today, Gigs?

Sorry not to post more. Got a mountain of work, so will nip in later. smile

HerNextDoorAt21 Wed 01-May-13 09:42:59

topsy and I are going out on a tesco trip today .... I have all the pink ribbons and the cancer shield and lance ready to sit topsy in the trolley to let her bravely joust around the store against healthy head tilters.

Sometimesiwonder Wed 01-May-13 09:43:06

Am liking the idea of punk fluffy slippers, Gig!

Hello Trice - welcome. But sad to see you. x

<dashing out to make sense of mountain of work which is trying my poor brain>

HerNextDoorAt21 Wed 01-May-13 09:45:47

trice I am so sorry you have to join us it must have been a massive shock. Stick round, we are good at supporting each other whilst discussing everyday (non cancer) life too

Gigondas Wed 01-May-13 09:47:53

Well they are naturally pink and sparkly as its for the cause;)

Am doing ok hnd- just off to supervise sorting out all the gigs clothes that are too small (dunno if it's having girls or fact dh goes mad on Internet but we have way more clothes than needed) as trying to sort things for decoration.

Good morning allsmile Hand holding needed today. District nurse coming today to take the metal thingies holding my insides in from my hip to knee operation (eek) Our grandson is here (14) positively bouncing with excitement that she may allow him to watch the procedure.

Going off him with every grisly question punctuated with bounces.

Will it hurt?
How much?
Will you bleed?
How much?

I'm feeling fragile to start with as a mind numbing bout of pain hit me as I was getting dressed leaving Dh to put my bra and top on "first time I've done it that way round" he mutteredshock

trice Wed 01-May-13 10:08:51

Thanks for the welcome folks. It one of the wonders of mumsnet that you can always find someone to understand and make you laugh, no matter what.

I am going to sit in my living room which closely resembles a florists at the moment and eat some dark chocs. I am afraid I can't bear walnut whips, my sister loves them to the extent that I buy them for her birthday treat. They are obviously the marmite of chocolates.

I don't know any details about my diagnosis as I ran away before they could tell me much. I was too busy being brave.

Gigondas Wed 01-May-13 10:45:32

I try and keep details light as or just stresses me. Unfortunately had to do more detail than I liked when was stuck in hospital with no dh there to field the queries. I am getting better at tuning out.

Choclit is essential to help tho.

I must be feeling better as I keep browsing the wedding madness Aibu . Kurri - would it help if we played tag team winding up the bridezillas?

Gigondas Wed 01-May-13 10:46:19

And am so glad you were being brave and you know fighting trice wink

Gigondas Wed 01-May-13 10:47:19

Earth-will it be staple removal of stitches? It looks exactly like when they take staple gun out ( stings a bit but no blood ime).

hand holding here for you earth

In work so have to be quick. My goodness so much to catch up on. My laptop at home is playing up again so haven't been around much - my phone is rubbish so perhaps I need an iphone too ned grin

gigs argh re: double radiotherapy but it will be over in no time. Hope you pain is settling. I will sit on the box whilst hnd and topsy nip to Tesco to replenish fbs.

earth hope your DN appointment goes ok today.

trice sorry you find yourself here. This disease is truely crap.

Please tell me I'm not the only person who feels extremely uncomfortable at all the 'How many likes I've beaten cancer' fb posts recently. It just makes my teeth itch.

Waving to all, sorry if I have missed any appointments. Did I say so pleased figgys appointment went well? can't remember but hope your DHs appointment goes ok and he gets a good result from his CT.

Right must go and do some work - I am struggling with being back and worry about my concentration ability to string a sentence together

DN been and gone, a couple of the staples stung but she was super gentle and said she would stop to give me a break if needed, around 30 in all. She redressed the wounds and I'm to remove this in a few days. Easy peasy I'm delighted to saysmile

malteserzz Wed 01-May-13 12:30:52

Been reading this thread for a while and plucked up courage to go the doctors today about a breast lump. He thinks it feels suspicious or a fibro something. I've booked to see a private consultant this evening I just couldn't wait. Had to tell dh last night he's v upset and I've just had to tell my mum too. I'm quite a private person so finding it hard. Anyway best wishes to you all and if I do get bad news I will be joining you

Sometimesiwonder Wed 01-May-13 12:39:53

Well done Earth! Another hurdle duly scrambled over! Have a fortifying slice of cake <passes plate>

Hi Malterserzz. Oh dear. But well done for going and seeing the GP, and for making an appointment tonight. I really hope you get reassurance, but either way you are very welcome here. Telling people is hard if you are private: personally, I refused to discuss the situation with all but a very few people even right through treatment. It might seem perverse to some people, but whatever works to get you through is the right thing to do in my book. And refusing to engage does seem to knock the headtilters back a bit wink. Everything is crossed for you, my love. x

Gigondas Wed 01-May-13 13:45:39

Yay for earth and staples smile.

Malteserz- hope you get a quick answer tonight . The waiting is the horrid part but hopefully will be nothing. We have hand held lots of people thru ok news too.

Gracie - to use a lovely Mn phrase those FB statuses really boil my piss too. Hope concentration comes back- I found post ml always bad for that too.

smee Wed 01-May-13 13:45:40

Yay for Earth! Glad that's done. Did you let your grandson watch??

malteserzz, sorry you've been referred. Ask any and all questions here - we totally get how scary it all is, but often we get people joining us for a bit, then they get the best of news and skip away. Really hope you will too! smile

Waving to Gracie. My brain's a bit all over the place too, though I have no excuse.. confused

AshokanFarewell Wed 01-May-13 14:00:05

Hello all,

Have read but on phone so hard to scroll back and forth!

trice sorry to hear your news but hopefully the docs will have a good plan! smile

malteserzz good plan getting a private appt so you don't have so long to wait, I hope it's something harmless but the sooner you know the sooner you can deal with it.

earth good luck with the procedure, hope it's not painful.

I'm in the chemo suite waiting for my infusion. Bit of a palaver. Dr W had forgotten to order my infusion so had to go home this morning then come back for afternoon session. Then when I was waiting in the waiting area they kept taking other people in and so eventually asked and they hadn't realised I was a patient so they'd given all the nice reclining armchairs away sad found me a seat but it's not very comfy. At least I've got a footstool smile

Had lots of weird looks from other patients as I've had to use the loo several times. Think I need a brown ribbon and a brown brave bowel cancer fighter tshirt!! grin

Waves to everyone else, I hope you're all having a good day smile

Gigondas Wed 01-May-13 14:17:23

Dr w is a shower isn't he? Hope get you hooked up soon ash.

Defo need a brown ribbon and maybe this tee shirt fighter

Have pencil out to design my "come on in cancer,have a cup of tea and bit of cake" tee shirt complete with head nodding pic. I think it could catch on.

Can you tell I am meant to be Ou ' Ing(well done on essay Copt).

KurriKurri Wed 01-May-13 14:29:13

Hi all, - I've been to yoga this morning - and feel a little calmer, think I will start doing a lot of yoga at home! grin

Trice - so sorry to hear about your DX, -bloody disease sad - you have had wise words from other ladies here with secondaries, - I think with all things that are a major shock, time is needed to get your head around it all, - initially you can't think clearly. So take things gently and decide what you want and need to know about it all. Has your medical team directed you to any support groups for people with secondaries, - that might be something to consider when yo feel ready.
Anyway, you are very welcome here, and it's a safe place to say whatever you are feeling, along side a lot of fatty snack related fetishism discussion grin xx

Malteserzz - sorry you are also going through a worrying time, I hope you can get some answers tonight that will reassure you xx

Earth - glad the staples are out (grin at ghoulish DGS)

Copt - are you OK <head tilt> - you are soooooooooo brave. <runs away amidst pelting of walnut whips>

topsy - I see HND cruelly made you buy shoes, - that must have been tough for you, I hope she is making up to you today. grin

Asho - have they given the comfy recliners to non patients - that's not good enough if so, they need to turf them out and let you sit in one angry
WE used to get that in our unit - some people seem to bring a massive entourage witht hem when the y have their chemo and the bastards visitors hog all the recliners given half a chance (I didn't give them half a chance, I told them to get out)

It is the game that is making DH stay up late, he cannot seem to grasp how much he disturbs me when he comes to bed hours after me, and I am poor sleeper even under the best conditions. Today he is doing his 'I'll pretend I didn't say a load of nasty stuff yesterday, and we can pretend it never happened' hmmhmm

love to all xx

trice Wed 01-May-13 14:31:04

Thank goodness Earth, glad that is over for you.

Hope it goes smoothly Ash.

AshokanFarewell Wed 01-May-13 14:35:37

A recliner is coming up soon so I'm going to be upgraded grin

gigs ooh t shirt sounds good, I'd like to pre order one grin

Am hooked up now, lovely nurse came along just after I posted. She has stopped me knitting though as it was stopping my drip working. Just waiting for my minion mum to come along with my hot chocolate, anyone else fancy one? brew

KurriKurri Wed 01-May-13 14:42:08

ooh yes please to hot chocolate asho. Glad you're getting a seat now.

I have to say I'm involved in fund raising thing this weekend for our chemo unit, - there are not enough chairs, not enough space, not enough staff - people are having to wait a very long time for their treatment and then it generally comes trough cancellations so people have no idea whne their treatment might start. All a big mess, so we are trying to raise money for chairs, drip stands, a portakabin for more space, -etc, its a long list.

And frankly it's fucking scandalous that hospitals have to rely on charity fund raising for life saving treatment.

Gigs - I want one of those t-shirts grin

smee Wed 01-May-13 14:51:11

For a second then Ash, I thought you were jetting off somewhere. Still at least you'll be more comfy. Hope it speeds up a bit for you. xx

Kurri, angry at your DH. Isn't he exhausted??

Gigs, add me to the t-shirt list. smile

AshokanFarewell Wed 01-May-13 14:52:44

Fab you're getting involved with the fundraising KK I hope it goes well. This chemo unit has just moved into a new suite which is bigger and has more chairs so that's good. They've got some new ones but they're not recliners just big chairs. Not very comfy. I've been upgraded now. Hot chocolates all round and some minstrels for the trolley grin

KurriKurri Wed 01-May-13 15:01:15

Smee - I thin he is exhausted, and that might go some way to explaining his v.odd behaviour. Sometimes he gets home from work and just goes to bed for a couple of hours, - presumably so he can recharge in order to stay up all night.

I've just remembered I won a banana, fruit and walnut cake in the raffle last night, <flings cake onto trolley>

I'm hoping the weather holds out for the fundraiser, - it's at a kind of garden centre + other crafty/cookery/hippy clothes shops place, so nice weather would bring more folks in.

smee Wed 01-May-13 16:23:12

He must be exhausted, Kurri - still no excuse though.

Ash, I want minstrels now.. how long before you're done? smile

topsyturner Wed 01-May-13 16:43:46

Hi Malteeserzz , hope you get good news at your apt tonight and don't need us any more ! (In the nicest possible way !)

I'm knackered !
Did biiiiiiig Tesco shop with HND , them the butchers .
We had to stop and refuel for lunch .
And then , you are not going to believe this , we went to the wool shop .
And it was SHUT !!!!!!!!
How very fecking dare they ?????

I had to have a lie down to get over the shock grin

topsyturner Wed 01-May-13 16:44:48

KK ((((((((hugs))))))))

smee Wed 01-May-13 16:55:12

You're so rock and roll, Topsy. grin

KurriKurri Wed 01-May-13 17:09:33

that's what I was thinking Smee grin <rebel without any yarn emoticon> grin

My Mum has just phoned to say she thinks she's sold her house shock - she had 2 offers over the weekend, one was a chap in a chain who offered more, one was a cash buyer, who offered $10 000 less, but when he heard another person was interested he upped his offer to match it. So she's going with the cash guy. And she's put in an offer on a retirement flat. So we shall see smile hope it all works out for her because she really wants to move and get settled in now.

jchocchip Wed 01-May-13 17:48:22

Hello lovelies. Hugs to trice and fingers crossed/+ve vibes for malteserzz.
Hope things settle down with dh, kk. mine can be a bit of a git staying up too late too
Looks like I've missed loads - had a read through but can't reply to everyone memory not that good on phone emoticon glad to hear of staples out, earth.
Copt, I have been known to take girls paddling in the ford.. One of my favorite places just a few minutes walk across the park from my house. Wouldn't dare take our car through, would have to be a 4x4 and then only down from st ives as there is a bit of a step out that way at the moment.

jchocchip Wed 01-May-13 17:49:20

And good news for your mum kk smile

AshokanFarewell Wed 01-May-13 19:05:11

Yay for possible sale KK

I'm back home now and just had a takeaway! smile feeling alright so far... My arm is quite sore from the infusion and I'm already fed up of no cold drinks but can't really complain.

Hope everyone is having a lovely evening!

Gigondas Wed 01-May-13 19:19:29

Fingers crossed for your mums move as would be nice to get that sorted-my mil health improved when went into a retirement flat.

And it is bloody shocking that need to raise fund like that but good on you for doing it kurri. Agree that obsession no excuse for dh behaviour.

Smee-when is new project for.

Ash-hoping the choc helps the chemo.

No wool -what will you do? Will this make you drink more wine? Also what happened to ds art project topsy?

Had interesting but draining (in good way) session with therapist -mainly about my dad which is whole long saga but seems to be coming out now. Actually feels good to talk it thru.

I am still done in -giving into recuperation not easy but am sure will get stronger.

Dh out tonight so it may well be a greys anatomy fest. Or maybe Howard's way. Or Scott and bailey-this is my mums choice , anyone seen it?

Waves to jchoc.

Gigondas Wed 01-May-13 19:20:55

Yay for not feeling too bad ash.

Dh out so I have control of the stereo -it's a soft rock night chez gig so get your requests in (let's hope don't wake the minis).

KurriKurri Wed 01-May-13 19:50:13

Scott and Bailey is good Gigs - sort of ongoing storyline regarding the detectives private lives, but separate 'cases' to solve each episode.
friend of mine and her Dh run a private car company in the Manchester area, and they provide transport for lots of TV shows - cast and crew who need ferrying around - and one of the shows they work for is Scott and Bailey.

Soft rock - hmm, I haven't had a drink so not feeling quite maudlin enough for Genesis grin I could probably cope with Air Supply or a bit of Bread.

I meant to say Gigs (because I think you like female jazz singers?- apologies if I'm muddling you up with someone else) - there's a programme on friday BBC4 called something like Jazz Icons - about Sarah Vaughan, Ella Fitzgerald, Billie Holliday, NIna Simone and several others. Looks good - definitely my kind of thing.

topsyturner Wed 01-May-13 19:50:57

How about a bit of "I Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore" ?
Feeling the 80s soft rock vibe myself Gigs

Fingers are feeling twitchy through lack of wool .
May have to go searching for booze .

It's Scott and Bailey in this house tonight (I will be recording Greys for me to watch tomorrow)

KurriKurri Wed 01-May-13 19:51:15

Ash - glad your chemo is done, - I didn't know you couldn't have cold drinks, - how long is that for?

I think I forgot to say well done to smee for new project grin
Glad you are out of infusioning ash - - hope not too sore.
Therapist session sounds good gig - am glad you are getting stuff out.
kk excellent if your mum has sold her house - she'll feel much more secure in new place and you'll not feel so anxious about her I hope.

I have some tortilla chips and MINT walnut whips for the trolley- not sure about mint ones,but T was keen to try.
Tomorrow he has an appointment at hospital to check on his spleen- no blood test for him this time,which is good - we've graduated from the children's outpatients to the adolescent bit at the haemtology dept. Afterwards a quick treat at the Costa and off to school with him.

Gigondas Wed 01-May-13 19:59:44

Yes I do kurri so will Defo put that on request.smile

We have had Aerosmith, pink, sheryl crowe ( love shezza) , will now do requests.

And genesis makes me weepy (as do tons of songs these days but I find it quite therapeutic ).

Scott and bailey sounds like it could fill the viewing gap between midsomer and Lewis/endeavour/morse.

Gigondas Wed 01-May-13 20:01:12

Cross posts mas- hope all goes well for t and glad no bloods.

Mint walnut whip does sound wrong.

Gigondas Wed 01-May-13 20:04:14

Just for topsy when is Eurovision

amberlight Wed 01-May-13 20:05:22

Ha! <arranges her hair in the Einstein-like birdsnest style and dons her white lab coat>
Trice and others with lung met rude bits - found the latest stats. Based on the old data from 1987 to 2007 (in other words, before all the modern treatment even existed), the average survival time after discovering lung mets *and having successful surgery on any rudely behaved ones that won't go using other stuff) is 9 years from discovering the lung mets. So that was the result before we had the modern potions and lotions and modern knowledge.
Averages are of course no consolation if people happen to be one of the unlucky ones with an Ultra Rude Sort. But it seems the chances of copping it are now jolly small. Especially since in 9 years they will have fab new stuff that will stop it altogether.
No guarantees, but this is nifty stuff to know. So, statistically, it's jolly annoying and needs a lot of managing - but with potions and surgery (ask your team!), you could be outliving all of us.

Hi Malteezerzz! Let us know how you get on? Your odds right now are 1 in 100 of it being cancer AND a really rude sort that is going to give the docs a fight. Even if it is a rude sort, mostly these days it's just a long term big nuisance rather than a killer. If that helps. The modern stuff is hard work to get through but pretty fab at stopping most of this in its tracks.

If it helps, at all, I was given a 50/50 chance at the start of my dx of breast cancer. Two and a half years later I'm pretty much back to (er, normal?!) Well, I never was normal. And for all I know it could come back at any moment. But right now I'm alive. And racing round the country like a mad thing.

KurriKurri Wed 01-May-13 20:05:55

Ooh not sure about a mint walnut whip <terribly conservative emoticon> do walnuts go with mint?? get T to test them out and give us his verdict MAS grin - DD will not eat anything mint flavoured (says it's too much like toothpaste, - but she's a wimp).

I like a bit of Aerosmith - I sing along in an exaggerated gravelly voice when no one is listening grin

Gigondas Wed 01-May-13 20:06:03

Two weeks to Eurovision -there has to be a thread party in this.

Gigondas Wed 01-May-13 20:07:35

It has to be sung in a deep voice kurri.

Amber- congrats btw as sounds lie you had a very productive day. grin

KurriKurri Wed 01-May-13 20:07:47

Waves to amber - sit down and take it easy my lovely brew and slice of banana cake?

KurriKurri Wed 01-May-13 20:09:30

Hope T's hospital check goes well MAS

smee Wed 01-May-13 20:11:16

Glad you're home safe, Ash. Take out sounds like a good idea. smile

Kurri, that's great on your mum's house. Does it feel a bit weird though? Was where you grew up, wasn't it?

Gig, I like a bit of Scott & Bailey. They're good actors - think Cagney & Lacey up north. grin New project I need to have a meet with them to find out more, though have just opened an e-about something else. Not sure I can do both, so will have to have a ponder. Nice to be wanted though. smile

Hope it goes okay for DS tomorrow, MAS. Does he get nervous about appointments? Should think not having a blood test helps though!

Wonder how Malteserzz is. Got everything crossed for you. x

Mint walnut whip definitely wrong, though I'd still like to know when they took the monumental decision to remove the walnut from the bottom. Surely that's a national scandal. shock

Gigondas Wed 01-May-13 20:15:11

Malteserss may have wait based on my experience of evening clinics- hope she gets an answer and a good one.

KurriKurri Wed 01-May-13 20:21:02

Yes a bit weird Smee - it's our family home - but my mum is only living in one room basically, the people buying it have several kids so it will be a family home again which is nice.

I just hope it all goes through, because Mum seems to have set her heart on a place in Swanage - it's ground floor, has sea views, communal garden, warden - sounds just right for her. She's still waiting to see if her offer will be accepted on the flat.

You are obviously very much in demand (it's the funky dancing I suspect) grin

trice Wed 01-May-13 20:40:24

Thanks for the stats amber. That sounds better than I thought.

Fingers crossed for malteserss, this is not a rabbit hole you want to fall down if you can help it.

Dh bought me some of my favorite posh choc to cheer me up. I left it on the coffee table. It has only been eaten by a bleeding mouse in the night! Buying humane traps as we speak. I may bait them with mint walnut whips, they sound challenging.

topsyturner Wed 01-May-13 20:50:51

Think you might be losing it Smee , I don't remember there ever being a walnut in the bottom of the whips and I am very old
grin

KurriKurri Wed 01-May-13 20:57:14

topsy - there did used to be a walnut at the bottom of walnut whips in t'olden days. Either you are too young to remember or more likely you have completely lost the plot due to lack of wool grin

shock at chocolate stealing mice Trice - they do love chocolate though - you'll have to bait your traps with it grin - they like peanut butter as well apparently.

there definitely were walnut pieces in the base of walnut whips in the olden days grin
T worrying a bit about what if they want to do a blood test, but they said not last time. He does get a bit nervous and hates having his tummy prodded as he is v v ticklish -they do need to feel his spleen though.

AshokanFarewell Wed 01-May-13 21:00:26

gigs has my letter arrived yet? Might help with soft rock night grin

kk nothing cold for a week or I might get a laryngeal spasm, which feels like you can't breathe. It's cos of the oxaliplatin infusion, not a problem with just the tablets. So only hot drinks and food, which isn't so great in this weather! smile

Soooo busy on the thread tonight, I'll try and catch up! smile

Dad is in charge of the remote tonight and it's Watchdog. Yawntastic grin

Gigondas Wed 01-May-13 21:03:07

It has but cd in room being decorated so may have to do soft rock 2 at weekend. Have sent you and topsy a FB soft rock issue. wink

Gigondas Wed 01-May-13 21:03:47

Yuck for hot drinks and watchdog.

topsyturner Wed 01-May-13 21:05:14

I don't believe you all !
There were never walnuts in the bottom !
but genius idea for present manufacturers

AshokanFarewell Wed 01-May-13 21:05:35

It's a hard life but I'm being very brave wink am not sure about the video, not allowed to watch as I might disturb Watchdog viewing grin

AshokanFarewell Wed 01-May-13 21:08:04

Can I request Aerosmith love in an elevator? I saw them live a couple of years ago, poor Steven was a bit worn out but it was still pretty awesome grin

KurriKurri Wed 01-May-13 21:14:26

Oh Asho - that's not nice, - I had laryngeal spasm after a GA once - it was vile. Certainly worth hot drinks only to avoid it - but I agree very inconsiderate of the weather to improve when you have to have hot stuff grin Well done for being brave (I'm referring to the fact that you've had to endure Watchdog, not your chemo obviously grin)

topsy - there were definitely walnuts in the bottom, I don't know why they were removed - presumably some vague misguided nod towards people with walnut allergies grin

topsyturner Wed 01-May-13 21:16:51

Chicago - "If You Leave Me Now"

AshokanFarewell Wed 01-May-13 21:38:02

Ooooooh good choice topsy that's reminded me of Peter Cetera - "Glory of Love" grin

AshokanFarewell Wed 01-May-13 21:54:36
Gigondas Wed 01-May-13 21:55:08

We haven't even started on the works of meatloaf.

AshokanFarewell Wed 01-May-13 21:56:28

Eek KK sounds scary. I've managed not to have one yet! smile

I'm still trying to catch up with the thread, I think it will have to wait until tomorrow. Goodnight all x

AshokanFarewell Wed 01-May-13 21:57:56
malteserzz Wed 01-May-13 23:39:35

It was bad news I have breast cancer lump was about 2 cm and biopsy showed cancer cells got to go back next week feel like my life is over and I'm only 41 how do you live with this ?

KurriKurri Wed 01-May-13 23:56:06

malteserzz - I'm so sorry - it is an awful shock to get this diagnosis, and you will be absolutely reeling for a while. Try not to go into panic mode - I know it is very hard, and you are feeling, frightened and bewildered, but honestly once the news has sunk in a little bit and you are able to talk to your surgeon/oncologist and know your treatment plan, it starts to feel a bit more manageable, it really does sweetheart.

Your life is not over, this is a treatable disease, and there are many treatment options, and the treatments are more and more tailored to individual cancers to give you the best possible chance.

The DX is a big trauma, but getting the diagnosis is the first step on the road to treatment and recovery, and although cancer treatment always seems scary - it is doable and manageable, a step at a time.

Do you have a breast care nurse? - they are very good people to talk to and go over your fears and any queries you might have, Macmillan also have good help lines if you just needed someone to talk to.
We are all here to support you as best we can, we can answer questions about treatment, hold your hand, and offer a safe place to vent, shout, cry, yell and swear - whatever you need. xx

And as an afterthought - if you think you might need a bit of help sleeping or staying calm over the next few days, ask your GP - they will always give you something to help - even if just for a couple of days.

malteserzz Thu 02-May-13 00:30:40

Thank you I have got into panic mode I nearly fainted when I found out hmmthe doctor and breast nurse were lovely and though I went private tonight they are the same ones I'll see on the nhs too. Told my mum as she was here looking after the kids and rang my best friend who came straight over bless her. Dh is trying hard but is terrified too. I'm so frightened that it's spread though from the scans they didn't think the lymph nodes were affected. The biopsy will tell more next week and I should have an appointment on Tuesday or Wednesday.
I just keep thinking I'm glad it's me and not the children then getting upset because I want to see them grow up.
I'm frightened to turn the light off and go to sleep
Thank you for your reply x

amberlight Thu 02-May-13 07:21:00

Malteserzz, wise advice from KK. I echo it.
The 'not knowing what will happen' is the worst bit for nearly all of us, from what people have all written over the years.
If info helps, here it is. And it's good info from the main scientists and specialists.
a) Do Not Google. Google's stuff is total rubbish. Its stuff is nearly all based on evidence from the Stone Age of cancer treatment. It's all changed in the last couple of years. What you want is proper info from proper reliable sources.
b) Your current odds of success are 96%. Thus, only 4 out of every 100 people in your precise starting point (age, lump size etc) end up with a sort that standard treatment can't get rid of. Not fun if you're one of the 4. But good news if you're one of the other 96.
c) What really helps; science says take vitamin D every day as a supplement. Keep bedroom very dark (slows body down and gives cancer treatments more chance to work. Use orange light bulbs overnight not blue/white light. Take curcumin supplements and omega 3 supplements - a number of oncologists and surgeons are now recommending those as standard. I also took lactoferrin which is supposed to be jolly good and has some good science behind it.
d) What happens next - they'll probably do a sentinel node biopsy at some point in which they will glide you into surgery under anaesthetic and whip out one lymph node from under your arm - then stare at it to see if there are any cancer cells. If there aren't, they know it's not spread. Even if it has spread a bit, it's still treatable so do not panic. Then they will decide on treatment from that and the biopsy results on the lump. Sometimes they do chemotherapy first before surgery on the actual lump, to see what it does to the lump (since it's very good news if it shrinks it).
Chemotherapy is doable. Not fun, no. Most of us end up with it. You might not of course.I worked all the way through mine because I'm a complete nutter. Lost my hair but had fab wigs that people thought were my real hair and I really enjoyed wearing them. Had a lumpectomy not a full mastectomy (even though my lump was quite big, in a dodgy place and a very rude sort). So don't assume that you'll lose a boob. you might, but you might not.Depends on the view of the team.
Meantime, strong brew?
Anyone else for one whilst I'm at the virtual kettle?

malteezers I can't add anything else to the excellent words of kk and amber except to say how sorry I am,and to promise you that this waiting bit for results and treatment plan is the very worst bit - once things start rolling you'll feel much more in control and able to cope.
Stick with us and we'll see you through every step of the way- and the best way to cope is one step at a time. Absolutely don't google - proper info from the Macmillan site and get to know your bcn as they can be totally wonderful supports. A big hug and lots of good thoughts to you xxx

malteserzz Thu 02-May-13 08:03:12

Thank you all you're all lovely and I'm sorry we had to meet like this . I feel so guilty as I felt something a few months ago but convinced myself it was nothing as I was scared how stupid. So I'm now frightened that means it will have spread. The doctor did say well done for finding it though as it wasn't an easy one to spot. Have told the kids I have a lump and the doctor is going to help me to get better. Dh keeps breaking down which is awful
Anyway enough about me sorry for hijacking your lovely thread! I'll stick around though if that's ok I'll have lots of questions thanks for the advice do far smile

Copthallresident Thu 02-May-13 08:24:26

malteezers What everyone else has said. Almost twelve years ago I was almost exactly where you are. Age 43, 1.7cm lump, a 6 year old and 9 year old and had almost fainted when surgeon gave me the news. I'm still here.

Firstly as I remember, chemo is not a definite if you have a 2cm tumour, depending on grading of tumour and lymph nodes. Secondly even if lymph nodes are involved, and one of mine was, and my tumour was rather offensive so I thought that was it, it clearly isn't. One of my friends diagnosed at the same had 7 involved and her tumour was even more offensive, she is still here too. The treatments have moved on as well. As others have said chemo is something you endure, not nice, but doable.

The problem with a Cancer diagnosis is that we have a baggage of perceptions about things like spread to lymph nodes, chemo etc. which generate intense fear when we are first faced with it. I think we can all testify those fears, which you can't ever altogether shake, are at odds with the reality. It is going to be a whirl of fear and uncertainty for the next few days. However once you know exactly where you are, you can get on with coming to terms with your new reality (the new normal), putting your fears in a box, we have a very well sat on box and will always happily assist with keeping fears and paranoia in it, and just getting the treatment over with.

Many of us have been there, got the badge.

trice Thu 02-May-13 08:34:11

Oh Malteserzz, I am so sorry you have ended up here. I still get flashbacks to my own diagnosis, it is a horrible experience to endure. Amber has given excellent advice.

Please don't feel guilty, it is part of your brain trying to find a meaning or a reason for the whole thing. There is no one to blame. You can drive yourself mad trying to find out why it has happened to you. Well I did anyway!

Gigondas Thu 02-May-13 08:40:27

Another hug for you malteserss . Tons of good advice here but I do echo this is worst part when it is still raw, you have no treatment plan and the cancer dx is throbbing thru your brain. Stick around , ask what you want and you absolutely are not thread hijacking.

I will have that brew amber- it's concert day for big gig . Lets just say she has gone into loud theatrical mode so I was pleased when went to school.

Trice- how you feeling? Hope mice haven't stolen more chocolate.

Waves to everyone else.

malteserzz Thu 02-May-13 08:49:38

Thank you x
Dh just rang to tell his parents and told them he had some bad news and totally broke down I grabbed the phone off him to tell him it was me rather than one of the kids ! Think I'm going to have to be the strong one sometimes grin

Copthallresident Thu 02-May-13 08:56:17

I have the perfect rock anthem for singing very loudly at our karaoke piss up us. Nothings Gonna Stop Us Now grin www.youtube.com/watch?v=UBoQvhzeeCY Especially the line "People think we're crazy" ..............

Second visit to Pompeii exhibition and just as absorbing as first. I hope it is on your bucket list gigs It was stupidly crowded yesterday, although we still got on the day tickets easily, and people still seemed to be getting them at lunchtime. Lots of tiger grannies, friend of male type was with us and was laughing when one posh old granny stood in front of an information panel I was reading to talk inane banter with her friends so I kept looking around her as a gentle hint until I ended up so invading her personal space I was practically kissing her neck but she still didn't shift.... Perhaps you could email and ask if you could have a private viewing? I bet they would if you explained, Classics scholar and " I have CANCER" grin

The posh granny and friends then really got on my wick in the bedroom bit "Ooo look it's a willy, is that a willy? Is that what roman willies looked like? HAW HAW. Look at that potty, so well designed HAW HAW" I had to go for a sit down so they got ahead because I couldn't have coped with them looking at the statue of Pan shagging a goat grin.

Also wrote badly yesterday, the fbook comment about bravery and awesomeness was not addressed to me, though I am clearly brave and awesome grin It was addressed to the girl who was having 8 injections to go cycling in Africa shock so I had another attack of Tourettes about how you shouldn't wrap the horror of cancer up in the candy floss of pinkness and talk of being brave and fighting...

Shit hitting fan here, looks as though DHs job at end of line, which will be a relief to me, we can cope financially and I might get my Darling Husband back as opposed to the Arse I have now but I think it is going to be a rocky few days as it pans out. He is upstairs asleep but promised we will talk later just now.... He'll have to get a move on as also have to get little Copt to Ed Psych for crucial assessment for extra time...........

Gigondas Thu 02-May-13 08:57:00

Poor dh- but sounds like you are doing well (and I completely get better you than kids).

Macmillan (or indeed Bcn) can offer support for dh if needed. Might be worth ringing them or getting dh to,

How old are your kids btw?

Gigondas Thu 02-May-13 09:03:25

grin At tiger grannies - yes its on my list and will play cancer cArd. At present enjoying using that to get out of helping at school fair.

Hope appt today helps little Copt.

Spookily enough dh was discussing taking early retirement too. His boss an arse and tho dh doesn't do too badly with stress of it , he is at point where thinks if boss an ungrateful tit again (boss freely admits relies on dh but then never thanks him, shafts him in pay rise, takes credit etc). We would be ok financially and I can see idea of more time with kids eat appealing to dh.

trice Thu 02-May-13 09:03:53

Hi Gig, I am trying for denial which is a bit hampered by the fact I have been stuck in bed for a month. I just hope they can sort me out.

My yarn stash takes up three cupboards and my friend has just given me three meters of vintage liberty silk which needs a pattern. My ds is going on his first residential with school and my dd is the magic mirror in the summer play and needs a costume.

At the moment I can't breathe or eat properly. I am worried about the new chemo but if it helps - bring it on! It's different to last time when I felt well and the chemo made me ill.

Copthallresident Thu 02-May-13 09:06:46

malteezers Having to be the strong one for husbands not coping was a shared experience for my friends and I, (an informal support group sprung up out of two other women at DDs school diagnosed at same time as me and other people we met whilst being treated) some of friend's husbands ended up on ant d's whilst we got by on black humour and each other.

I really recommend some form of support group if you can find one that works for you, which isn't necessarily going to happen with a random group of strangers. However having someone to share the experience with, laugh at it and talk about the things that would be too painful for family and friends was a huge help to me during treatment.

trice Thu 02-May-13 09:09:46

I want to go to the pompeii show now. I always laugh at the willies and toilets though so you wouldn't want to be near me!

I definitely want to go to Pompeii thing...I may snigger at willies..
Dh did ancient hist at university so no doubt will be the grown-up.
Am gasping at cycling girl fluffiness thing copt
Hope both gig and copt dhs job things sort themselves out in the best way.
trice what meds are you being given ? - am guessing capecitabine,which is what I'm on.
Righto - off to collect boy from school and off to hosp. a bientot !

Copthallresident Thu 02-May-13 09:23:54

trice Yes that was another thing I remember needing to arrive at early. No point in "What ifs"

Hope your meeting tomorrow gives you a good plan going forward, that is the good thing about chemo, it does actually work!!

Another knitter and sewer grin (It seems to occur more amongst us than the rest of the population iyswim) Do you want any help with costume ideas? In charge of costumes for two Year 6 productions, and I have the scars to prove it!!

gigs When DH is human again we should definitely get them together. Just had a talk, he seems quite upbeat, worried about money (only because he has lived too long in la la land, you know what I mean) but he has a plan , and we all know that is the key thing smile

Copthallresident Thu 02-May-13 09:34:46

Should be clear I have no problem with laughing at willies and potties. I have a problem with doing it loudly, and with air that everyone else should be in awe of their great wit and poshness and with sense of entitlement to hog exhibits.

In fact I have a business idea, as I think there is a gap in the market for garden ornaments featuring willies and especially Pan shagging a goat www.standard.co.uk/goingout/exhibitions/pompeii-some-facts-to-whet-your-appetite-for-the-british-museum-blockbuster-8550205.html (This is not rude because it is Roman grin and the goat is clearly enjoying it). If I can con pursuade just one alpha trophy wife around here that is classy and the next big thing in garden design it will start a trend and I could be the Kelly Hoppen of garden ornaments grin

Sometimesiwonder Thu 02-May-13 09:59:05

A massive hug from me too, Malterserzz. But everyone else is right, you have an excellent chance of getting out the other side, even if it is a bumpy ride through, and the treatment is way more doable these days than it used to be, and far more efficient.

Many of us were around your age (or even younger) and with young kids when diagnosed. It is a shock but you are not alone. So many of us have done it/are doing it, you will be able to also, I am sure. Even if you have to have chemo - like amber, I too worked all through it, even built my business a bit larger at the same time. I was lucky, I guess, but it shows that it may not be as bad as you think now.

As for ignoring your lump - we've most of us done it. Mine didn't feel like a lump really and I thought my bra was rubbing. Ignored it for months. Treated in 2009, and as far as I know I am currently just fine. x

And on the willies subject- v snigger worthy. We go to an Italian restaurant with -erm- paintings. Dd and I spend most of our meal snorting, while DH gives us withering looks.

trice Thu 02-May-13 10:00:39

I would love such a garden ornament Copt!

topsyturner Thu 02-May-13 10:10:44

Am I the only one to be shocked by Pan shagging a goat picture ?
I expected to see the goat being taken by the rear ..... grin

Copthallresident Thu 02-May-13 10:25:01

Couldn't stare into each others eyes and whisper sweet nothings to each other Topsy

Gigondas Thu 02-May-13 10:31:04

I am far too high minded to laugh at willies wink. Those ornaments could catch on.

Copt - think meet up is a great idea once dh gets bit calmer.

Had brew with lovely friend- now to take it easy before the big gig excitement about show later.

Sometimesiwonder Thu 02-May-13 10:46:21

Topsy, you aren't alone, no shock

Poor bloody goat.

malteserzz Thu 02-May-13 10:52:09

I went to the real Pompeii last year it was fab don't remember any willies though !
Had lovely texts and calls from friends and family today and have told dh we mustn't mope around, going to try and walk to the shop for some milk in a minute

smee Thu 02-May-13 10:53:01

Another hug from me, Malteserszz. The others are right, this is the worst time. Once you know the whole picture it's the slog of treatment ahead, but that somehow feels easier once you can know there's a future, you just have to get there. I was 44 when diagnosed, DS was only 5. Three years on though and apart from the ongoing paranoia, have honestly never felt better. Quick thought on DH - me and mine mark each major appointment/ set of results with a bottle of champagne though has ended up as cava as we're cheapskates. There's something wonderful about drinking an up-yours toast to cancer and talking it through. Helped us a lot, so might be worth a go. Also, don't feel the need to rush and tell people. Take your time and do it however you want to. Same with the kids. We all do it different ways, but lots of advice from us all if it helps. Finally stay here - this place has definitely kept me sane--ish--. I think I've been here since the fourth thread. shock

I really must go to the Pompeii show - live in London and DS did 79AD and all that last term. Am sure we'll laugh at willies, after all DS is 8. My whole life seems to revolve around bottom and fart jokes atm. grin

Glad DH might return to normal, Copt, though next little while sounds a bit bumpy.

What's big Gig singing in the concert?? Hope it's not one of those epic ones which last for hours..

MAS, hope DS's appt goes well today and they don't need to take bloods.

Sorry not to post to all. Stuffed full of work. Be back later with fb snacks for the trolley. smile

Sometimesiwonder Thu 02-May-13 10:56:17

Smee - you are a total newcomer. Been here since post 2, thread 1 <preens>

<gimmer>

topsyturner Thu 02-May-13 11:00:51

I joined Tamoxifen 10 .
Can't believe I've been on This Journey (snigger) nearly 2 years !
Could we do like AA and award chips for longevity ??? grin

topsyturner Thu 02-May-13 11:01:55

Malteeserzz our Amber coined our catchphrase "The New Normal"
And I think that sums it up perfectly !

malteserzz Thu 02-May-13 11:06:26

You are all giving me a bit of hope and the consultant was positive yesterday but there's still a part of me that thinks he ll say there's nothing he can do next week, is it normal whatever normal is to feel like that ?
Got to have my mirena coil out too I can't remember why ?
Last night was horrendous should I try sleeping tablets or just get through it ?

Sometimesiwonder Thu 02-May-13 11:18:08

No, don't 'just get through it' - take the support you need, this is a tough one. You don't have to be Brave wink

It is totally normal to feel as you do. But you have every reason to be hopeful and, believe me, they err on the side of sounding gloomy until they are sure you have taken on board what's happening. They DON'T give false hope. If he/she was positive, they feel positive.

topsyturner Thu 02-May-13 11:18:26

My GP put me on a low dose of anti depressants when I was first diagnosed .
He said they aren't happy pills , but the would help keep me on an even keel whilst I coped with everything else .
He also gave me sleeping tabs (only 1 weeks worth at a time) .

Sometimes it helps , just to get through the first few weeks .

AshokanFarewell Thu 02-May-13 11:29:44

Good morning all,

malteserzz sorry it was bad news and that you're going to be stuck with us! Don't feel you are hijacking the thread, post as much as you need. When I first started posting all I posted about was me, and probably same with lots of others, it's all new and there's so much to take it. Then gradually you will find yourself giving advice to other people smile also I was very much the strong one with my boyfriend but unfortunately he couldn't handle the cancer thing and we are no longer together smile I had a chat with my aunt who had cancer and she thinks it's definitely harder to be on the outside, at least we can feel some small amount of control as we can take treatment etc whereas there's little that others can do and it's been built up into such a scary disease compared to others!

I'm in bed still feeling a bit iffy but nothing compared to last time I had the infusion smile I've counted and if I take all the extra anti sickness meds, and it's look like I might at this rate, I will be taking over 50 tablets a day grinshock I'm a little bit anaemic and so Dr W is trying iron tablets and if they mess up my digestive system too much I will have infusions instead. But tablets probably better as am hoping for some constipation grin which would make life much easier!

I have very exciting news, the disability lady phoned accommodation and they've now offered me an ensuite room in one of the new ish blocks very close to where my lectures will be. It's the same as I was in in first year so know my way around and what to expect. I'm so excited now grin

cop hope DH is able to see positives and that he can come up with a plan. It's not the nicest way for it to happen but may make such a difference to his mood/behaviour. My dad was made redundant after 25 ish years a few years ago, he worked long hours, quite stressed etc. but now has started up as a consultant, earns a bit less but sets his own work hours and he is doing so much better mental health wise smile it has worked out well with him chauffeuring me to appointments too!

shock at the goat statue! Definitely wouldn't be able to keep a straight face at that, or any of the willies!

today's Bon Jovi hit for all the fearless cancer fighting ladeeeezzz

AshokanFarewell Thu 02-May-13 11:30:42

So many cross posts. It took me 45 minutes to type that confused

Gigondas Thu 02-May-13 11:30:49

Get some sleeping tabs .anxiety drugs or anti ds if Gp suggests as it does help. It's a year since my mets dx- I am sat in my garden--on Mn-- studying -this time last year I couldn't eat sleep or get out of bed. I didn't end up using all the sleeping tabs or Valium as I did manage in end.

Topsy-maybe it could be like the stars on badges in macdonalds.

She is dancing and singing some made Up song- it's three years so will be long busy. Dh and my mum going as not sure I can sit comfortably thru it- I get to watch the DVD.

smee Thu 02-May-13 11:32:00

malterserzz, yep totally normal. I'd bet we've all planned our own funerals. No point any of us telling you not to worry, but Amber has already said the odds are still v.much on your side. Takes a very long while to trust again. In a way that's harder than all the treatment put together. Go get some pills - I didn't, wish I had though.

Gigondas Thu 02-May-13 11:32:19

Three years doing concert - not that concert lasts three years.

Morning ashgrin

smee Thu 02-May-13 11:33:08

Sometimes, thread 2?! And you regenerated I seem to remember. grin

Sometimesiwonder Thu 02-May-13 11:36:35

No, not thread 2 - thread 1, post 2.

I did indeed regenerate. I am the Borg.

smee Thu 02-May-13 11:37:39

Meat Loaf, Ash?! Surely that's illegal until you're zonked out on a four pack of cider?? Glad you're feeling a bit better than last time, but you take care now. xx

Hope big Gig dances up a storm, Gig. DS is doing something in June, but he won't tell me what. All I know is it's very embarrassing, he doesn't want to do it, and he's standing at the back. grin

I want stickers!! Though MAS surely deserves a crown as this is all her fault. grin

smee Thu 02-May-13 11:38:18

Blimey, you are MAS's able lieutenant! Though is use the term 'able' very loosely.. grin

AshokanFarewell Thu 02-May-13 11:38:41

I wrote, in my head, letters to all my loved ones saying goodbye and also a very profound speech to be read at my funeral hmm

smee Thu 02-May-13 11:38:47

mean't 'I' not 'is'..

AshokanFarewell Thu 02-May-13 11:41:15

Aw concert sounds fun, especially DVD so you can skip all the boring bits of other people's children! grin

Sometimesiwonder Thu 02-May-13 11:44:00

Fair enough, 'able' is not the term for me today. Just phoned a client for a catch up meeting 24 hours too early grin

Ash - that is very sad. Understandable, but sad. Things are looking much better for you now. Uni sounds hugely exciting.

amberlight Thu 02-May-13 11:46:23

Go with whatever works, Malteserzz. A decent slug of wine did it for me, though I tried herbal potions too.

Sounds like your DH needs to get to grips with the statistics too. On what we know so far, the chances of you dying from this are about the same odds as you dying from a heart attack in the next year. But the shock is huge, yes.

Don't beat yourself up for not spotting the lump earlier; it takes years for them to sneak out anywhere else. Average doubling time on volume is 15 months for breast cancer.

topsyturner Thu 02-May-13 11:59:29

Yes Gigs , fab idea . Stars !
Can they be pink sparkly ones though ?

Great news on the accommodation front Ash , it's all systems go now .

topsyturner Thu 02-May-13 12:01:21

I planned my entire funeral !
Infact I was sitting in the car with DH the other evening when a song came on . I immediately shouted "oh I'm having that at my funeral"
He wasn't impressed grin

(Macy Grays The Letter if you are interested !)

AshokanFarewell Thu 02-May-13 12:18:59

sometimes it was heartbreaking at the time, but also quite liberating. It made me think about what I want from my life and has helped me make a few decisions, like deciding to train as a teacher after my degree smile that sounds terribly cheesy. I don't in any way think my cancer is a blessing or a wake up call or anything like that, and would've much rather had the same insight without the illness!

The rather evangelical church behind our house is having a huge bonfire so we just had to rush out and bring in all our clean washing angry I definitely did not make any loud comments about ruining our washing and not being neighbourly grin the flames are above our six foot high fence and I was alerted to the fire because I could hear the crackling sound from my bedroom, I hope they don't set fire to our garden!

malteserzz Thu 02-May-13 12:23:57

Just had a call with my consultant appointment on Tuesday morning so hoping I'll know exactly what I have to deal with them
I've also planned my funeral speech in my head and decided on I've had the time of my life from dirty dancing ! A lovely lady I work with who had BC about 3 years ago has offered to have a chat with me which I think I'll take her up on sometime

AshokanFarewell Thu 02-May-13 12:44:54

Glad you've got an appointment quite soon malteserzz I'm sure the others with experience of breast cancer will be able to help out with questions to ask.

It's really good to chat with others so hopefully she will be able to give you some reassurance smile

Sometimesiwonder Thu 02-May-13 12:50:37

Go for it, Malterserzz - I'm about to do something similar with a lady I know who has a recurrence of her BC: she had it 30 years ago and has been clear ever since and i think much has changed treatment-wise since. Am hoping I'll be able to reassure her about the chemo because she didn't have it last time. I know a recurrence sounds depressing but - hey, 30 years cancer-free is worth thinking about. Plus, she's still by no means down and out, it all sounds potentially manageable this time too.

And a triple Yay!!! for me - just got smear results back and all OK wine now on the trolley. Glug!

smee Thu 02-May-13 13:15:42

Hooray for clear smear, Sometimes!! smile smile

malteserzz, ask us anything you want before Tuesday. Doesn't matter what.

Sometimesiwonder Thu 02-May-13 13:18:48

If it's not too macabre, I thought I might have 'Both Ends Burning' (Roxy Music) at mine. It's mainly because I've always found the saxophone rather an -ahem - pleasing instrument, though it might give those with a sick sense of humour a bit of a snigger as well.

DH and I also planned our send-offs and, although I'm not planning on having it yet, it's a good plan: each of us in turn is to be cremated (hence the Roxy Music), and then, when we're both available, dd is to put our remains in a small remote controlled boat, sail it off a particular headland in Cornwall and when no-one's looking, set off a small explosion to sink the boat. Ideally she should be Playing 'Ride of the Valkyries' throughout, though this is optional grin

We have told her, she is very hmm

malteserzz Thu 02-May-13 13:30:24

Love the boat idea ! I always fancied going off in a firework too
How soon would you expect an op or chemo to be after my appointment on Tuesday ? I've heard people mention MRI scans too would that just be if there was any worry it had spread ?

Sometimesiwonder Thu 02-May-13 13:39:00

It's really hard to say. They do have to get started with whatever your first treatment step is within a couple of weeks. It may be chemo first, surgery first, or scan, depending on your particular situation and the preferences of your surgeon/oncologist.

An MRI would be to check for spread. I didn't have one, but many (probably most) do. I had the surgery first which led to more surgery sad but then the upside was that, after 2 ops, they were more confident and decided an MRI was unnecessary. Don't read too much into whatever their plan is though, doctors vary in their approach. They'll tell you what they are doing and why: they don't sugar the pill.

amberlight Thu 02-May-13 14:00:28

Malt, like Sometimes says, (PS fab news Sometimes!!) every consultant does their own thing. I'd think they will start with the sentinel node biopsy thingywhatsit in the next couple of weeks, and then wait for the full set of biopsy results (some take a couple of weeks to 'brew up'). Then decide what they're doing and in which order. Lots of different orders and tests all work fine. So don't expect immediate answers. And don't worry about the delay causing any worsening either. And also don't worry if you have more/less tests than you were expecting.

We're here to cheer you up/listen/whatever works for as long as it takes.
Oh yes, I planned my whole funeral. Brightly coloured coffin with big flowers on it, horse drawn hearse, proper grave, no morbid music etc etc. Still here.

malteserzz Thu 02-May-13 14:18:58

Thanks it's like a whole new language that I don't really want to know about ! Just had a major wobble that though he was talking about treatments last night it will be worse than he thought and I won't see Christmas how do you deal with these feelings ?

Gigondas Thu 02-May-13 14:21:05

My funeral plan with my will etc - I just think of it as good planning now (spot the accountant).

As amber has said, what do next varies but rest assured they won't do anything medical ( whatever that is) til they have all the tests they need (usually in triplicate if it helps!).

As dh seems so upset, would it help 1. To jot down all your questions for Tuesday appt 2. Would it be helpful/ possible for someone else to hand hold and come in to hear what dr says. Not being able to take it in is common hence idea of having someone else there- dh:/dp, friend pt Bcn will often step in.

Gigondas Thu 02-May-13 14:27:48

malteesers-we all deal with them differently .

For me I think you have to own up to them and go with it so I now tend to go somewhere quiet and give in to them ( eg this morning I worried that slight chest pain was lung mets rather than fact I had over done it).
Then I find am getting better at spotting what sets me off (eg being tired), balancing this (avoiding or recognising triggers - eg reading daily fail lunacy ) and using support to help.

My support has been psychotherapy (which have done for years), support group ( here , cousin in rl, specialist nurse) and mindfulness meditation . This was mas tip but it does help( and is recommended by specialist counsellors) as helps focus in what's good now not fretting about Christmas.

I know there are lots of ways to do it but that is mine .

Oh and wine and food helps too x

amberlight Thu 02-May-13 14:38:43

My DH was useless at appointments. I took a best mate instead. Far handier. He's a fab DH but very eek about hospitals since he nearly died in one himself a few years back, so understandable that he's not keen.
It's perfectly 'normal' to imagine that you're about to cop it. But you're not. Even if it had spread all over the place in the most amazing ways, you'd still have three years left with the modern treatments. So unless you're going to get hit by a number 23 bus whilst crossing the road, you'll still be here at Christmas. And the Christmas after that. Honest, guv. Medical teams have to be very careful about saying that, as people can sue them for even the tiniest bit of unexpected outcome. But here we can say it like it is.

Sometimesiwonder Thu 02-May-13 14:39:26

I second everything Gig and Amber said - my way of dealing with those thoughts is to give in and admit them, briefly, then go out and have some fun. Avoid head tilting friends (they mean well, but make you want to punch them) and just have a real belly laugh with firends whenever you can.

smee Thu 02-May-13 14:39:28

Malteserszz, I had CT and asked for bone scan which they said yes to (had rib pain and was sure it was secondaries, came back clear). I was told they only did MRI if the CT or bone scan was inconclusive, so never had one, but all teams seem to be different. They don't tend to hang around, but it does depend what they think should be next. I had scans and op within 3 weeks of diagnosis.

malteserzz Thu 02-May-13 14:48:34

Thank you Ive just remembered that the right boob was always bigger so maybe something was growing in there for years, stupid thoughts.i know 2 people who died really quickly after a cancer diagnosis but not breast and that's on my mind. I also know lots of people who have survived breast cancer including 2 lovely ladies I work with though so I'll try to think about them and all of you too. We had already booked to go away for the bank holiday weekend with the kids and we're still going to go, will stop us moping and may take our minds off it a bit. Good idea about taking someone else as well as dh to appointments he does keep falling apart hmm

amberlight Thu 02-May-13 14:48:54

With me they did two ultrasounds and an MRI, but no CT scan. Everyone's different.

amberlight Thu 02-May-13 14:58:44

All cancers are different.

Breast cancer is not like any of the others. It's a particular type and they know how to stop it for nearly everyone now. (either kill it completely or slow it down to such a tiny growth amount that people are living for years and years and years - by which time it'll be fixable anyway for most people). Brand new treatments out in the last six months or so that will make an even bigger difference. I've had a friend die of it, so I'm not unaware of the risks - but it sounds like they have yours at a nicely early stage, Malt.

2cm lumps aren't huge ones that would make a boob bigger. 8 out of 10 women have one boob noticeably bigger than the other naturally.

Have a brew

Gigondas Thu 02-May-13 15:05:45

Listen to amber as she is speaking sense.

We have all done the death row spin (frequently in my case) ESP when know of someone who died. But they aren't you -even if had same dx so tells you nothing.

Also cancer is word like virus (even bc lots of different types) so can't extrapolate anything.

Sometimesiwonder Thu 02-May-13 15:08:09

Bloody right you should go away for the weekend, Mateserzz! Surgeons absolutely insisted on it when I was being treated! And my BCN was firmly of the view - if it feels good, do it

malteserzz Thu 02-May-13 15:11:55

Thank you I'm learning all of the time.I realise I'm coming across as a bit of a nutter but I am quite sane in RL honestly ! Beautiful day here lovely and sunny dh has just mowed the lawn and I've just watched him!

trice Thu 02-May-13 15:14:01

I am annoyed that I am being a pain in the butt to all my loved ones again. I'm sure they think I do it for the attention. I have scrapped the funeral plan from last time. I am going for a more low key thing this time around as Dh will have enough on his plate without having to source all those black ostrich feathers! Standard crematorium do for me with a do afterwards, probably at the Old Swan as the parking there is easier. Pork pies from Elite Meat.

I want my ashes tucked into Hector who is an ancient pyjama case soft dog. And then left in the wardrobe until Dh can join me.

See it's much easier second time around as you already have everything sorted.

I am going to make sure it is as far in the future as humanly possible though!

Gigondas Thu 02-May-13 15:17:14

That's absolutely how I think of it too trice. And completely get the being. Burden thing.

Weekend away sounds great plan malteesers . Remind you of what is importantant and you , which isn't all about the stupid disease. And you don't sound mad - you sound composed for someone who has just had a big shock.

malteserzz Thu 02-May-13 15:21:18

Pork pie lovely ! We're going to Liverpool and have booked on the duck tour which apparently sunk a while back now that would be a different way to go !

Gigondas Thu 02-May-13 15:25:07

I fear that I will drown in plastic when a sea of Barbies and playmobil falls on my head.

Liverpool sounds fun grin.

malteserzz Thu 02-May-13 15:34:57

There was a lady on this morning today absolutely terrified of dolls ! She couldn't even look at a picture of one without hyperventilating and wouldn't let her daughter have any grin

amberlight Thu 02-May-13 15:39:59

Pork Pie? Excellent. Hadn't thought of that. Will add that to the funeral arrangements here. And sherbert dip dabs. Can't go wrong with a sherbert dip dab, I reckon.
Malt, fear ye not; slightly nutty reactions are standard here. In fact all of mine always are. blush
We got away for loads of weekends. Anything to put a bit of space between appointments and people tutting at things and doing the head-tilt stuff at us.

I';m scared of those realistic baby dolls- one of my cousins collects them -eeksome.
I often do funeral planning - woodland burial with lots of nice smelling stuff around me- sandalwood if poss. and really fab music - I want White Horses by Jackie as it was my first record and some v tear-making classical bits and a huge party with prosecco,margaritas,cheese and pineapple on sticks and violet creams.
T's appointment was fine- no blood test thank goodness as he was hyperventilating beside me all the way to hospital. Spleen as far as consultant could tell was not unduly enlarged,bloods from last year fine,bilirubin I think shows red blood cells being broken up which is what they expect to find (for new comers -ds has inherited spherocytosis -my fault- so his rb cells are round rather than bi concave and get broken up because they can't filter through the spleen properly-so the spleen enlarges) His is v mild though so can live with his spleen but they will check him yearly. Mine was taken out when I was six (though CT scan results tell me I have a normal looking spleen apparently-tsk)
sometimes in her former guise was indeed the second poster grin
Right,really must do some work -though am off out to vote when T gets home as he wants to come an observe.

and ash - v exciting about accomodation and university - hooray grin

trice Thu 02-May-13 17:37:38

Good news about T Mas.

I never did very well with weekends away myself. I get too intense and overly dramatic in a one to one situation with wine. I need mundane everyday tasks and wifi to keep me on an even keel.

Copthallresident Thu 02-May-13 18:05:26

I have many evil thoughts for the playlist for my funeral.

The Feelings Wherever You Will Go for the Coptettes, or the stalking song as we call it grin, one of our car journey belters, just to make sure they carry on behaving themselves wink. Though this plan has the unfortunate side effect of making me burst into uncontrollable tears at the very mention of the song, tears pouring down my face as I type blush)

Then to get the friends going on a weepfest, Empty Chair at Empty Tables sung in person by Michael Ball (Eddie Redmayne will do if he is busy) really for my close friends who have already left such a gap in our lives, there was an empty chair at the table yesterday when my university flatmate was over from Canada as we were a threesome (a rare one that worked) and it was 15 years ago on Monday that our other flatmate was got by this bastard disease.

Then Jeff Buckley's Dido's Lament (which will probably have half the people there with hairs raised on back of neck, the other half in agony as in hearing cat's claws down a blackboard...)

Coldplay Don't Panic, because that got me through chemo thinking of all the beautiful places I was going to live to see...., and then we played it non stop driving down the Great Ocean Road in Australia on that first post chemo trip

And finally Family's Burlesque because that is where I started out, and it makes a change from Cabaret.

Plus lots of lovely words from the Brontes, Eileen Chang (one of my diss authors), Tim Winton, the bit about the bridge of love from The Bridge over San Luis Rey.......

Not that I've thought about it or anything grin

Spookily DD and I were just singing along to I Had The Time of my Life in the car on the motorway.

maltezers My way of coping with those thoughts is to get them out and give them a thorough looking at, somehow once you look over the cliff IYSWIM it doesn't seem so bad. One of the huge benefits of my support group is that we talked through our feelings about death, held hands as we looked over the cliff together. After that somehow it wasn't so scary or traumatic. Then you can put them away and enjoy being in denial, another skill Cancer perfected for me, almost, is not worrying about what hasn't happened and not worrying about what I cannot change. I found walking in beautiful places really helped me get it all in perspective. I remember on one walk suddenly realising I really could be happy again, and so can you.

MAS Glad all went well for T

gigs Phew that big gigs has not learnt earworm or super evocative song. I went away a couple of summers ago with friend whose 6 year old had just performed The Lion Sleeps Tonight. After just two days we all just wanted to make it stop but it didn't. Whimaway morning (especially after too much wine night before ) noon and night. And I shall never recover from Big Copts Year 2 class singing "What a Wonderful World" <tears in eyes again, twice in one post!>

YEAH!! DD's processing score came out below average, so will get extra time, hopefully. Little Copt said she has never been so pleased to be below average grin. Ed Psych is in apocalyptic rage. As she pointed out new stupid exam regs are not based on any sound understanding of learning difficulties, they actually mean anyone with below average scores on processing and working memory get extra time, even if they are of below average ability, they have actually made the playing field easier for them, whilst for able candidates it has gone back to being unfair. The ridiculous thing is that universities provide support and extra time on the basis of the gap between ability and working memory and processing, based on sound educational Psychology, so able pupils with learning difficulties are fine once they get there but the problem is getting the A levels that will get them there.... I suppose the universities will catch up with what is going on, as they already have with GCSEs and go much more on the contextual evidence. Gove is just completely undermining the credibility of the educational system based on his nostalgia and prejudices..........

Gigondas Thu 02-May-13 18:16:45

This is one of mine ska
It's a good cheer up tune anyway.

Lots of classics at my funeral-then sheds loads of good champagne, good and music. And everyone in their most colourful /favourite clothes.

Yay for little Copt doing below average. Is gove worse than lord true?wink

Copthallresident Thu 02-May-13 18:19:15

Plus forgot big YEAH FOR Sometime's clear smear. I told you we were on a roll...... (and also having had such having had such havoc wreaked on our insides (mine were more twisted than thrust) by Nurse Ratchetts it was surely only fair )

Gigondas Thu 02-May-13 18:19:48

Clear smears are good winewine

Copthallresident Thu 02-May-13 18:26:04

Don't gigs It's an axis of evil. Just read new Kate Atkinson, not a spoiler as is on first page, which has heroine with power to keep reliving her life to get it right, directing her life so she kills Hitler in 1932. I can dream.....

Copthallresident Thu 02-May-13 18:54:04
Sometimesiwonder Thu 02-May-13 18:55:07

ooh I've just bought that! Is it good? <excited>

sometimes I forgot to say yay for clear smear - fab news !! envyenvyenvyenvy

smee Thu 02-May-13 19:20:22

Hip-hip for your DD, Copt. Great news. That must feel like a huge weight lifted. smile

malteserszz we did the Liverpool Duck Tour a long while ago. Lots of fun, though we did keep afloat. Definitely good to go away, though we had a long weekend booked in Spain just before my op and went, then that Volcano ash hit and we couldn't get home.. hmm

Trice, there's a lot to be said for mundane everyday things.

Gig, I love that track too, though do the housework to it, so not sure if it should make my list. grin

Glad to hear DS avoided a blood test, MAS. smile

Ooh, me too on Kate Atkinson - I'm mid way through. Took me an age to get into it, but am quite hooked now. Read that Rachel Joyce one - 'The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry' before that. Bit annoying in places, but also strangely addictive. smile

Where's Kurri?? Hope you're okay, lovely woman and just busy. x

malteserzz Thu 02-May-13 19:57:08

Sorry I have a question I've just thought of. My mammogram showed the lump was 2.5cm and the ultrasound showed it was 2cm which is the most accurate and why do they do both ?

topsyturner Thu 02-May-13 20:01:11

Jeez you guys have been chatty today !
Thanks for that Cop , now if they do it in purple leopard ...

Can't keep up with all the chat , but yippee for clear smears and no bloods for T .

Might have slipped and fell and opened a bottle of rose grin

topsyturner Thu 02-May-13 20:03:09

Malt don't get bogged down in tumour sizes etc .
It's easy for me to say , but just hang on in there and wait for your treatment plan .
Listen to Ambers stats , she really knows what she's talking about .

topsyturner Thu 02-May-13 20:04:06

Gigs loving the ska , makes me feel all summery !

trice Thu 02-May-13 20:10:43

Malt, size is not as important as type with bc. Can be big and lazy or small and vicious. Buggers the lot of them though.

Copthallresident Thu 02-May-13 20:31:23

Malt Forgot to say I am another variation on the treatment sequence. I had biopsy, then PET scan and bone scan, then attempted Lumpectomy with full lymph node clearance (sentinel node was just coming in but as it showed up in my lymph glands on the PET scan they wanted to be conservative) but there was DCIS (Cancer in situ) on the margins of the tissue so then I had a Mastectomy. I then had a full investigation of my heart function because one of the chemo drugs Adriamycin can affect your heart.

Definitely don't get hung up on tumour size, mine was 1.7cm long but barely palpable in terms of it's width, more stick than lump, Consultant thought it had probably only just become palpable but no matter, it was still a 1.7cm tumour. Perhaps the mammogram and ultrasound were measuring from slightly different angles You will find some other things out about it in due course, how agressive it is, how fast growing and whether and by how much it is Estrogen or Progesterone Receptor positive and whether it is positive for Her 2 Neu so there is a lot that goes into the melting pot in terms of treatment. In fact my consultant says that my tumour was so Estrogen receptor positive I might now be recommended mastectomy and hormone therapy alone in spite of the fact my tumour was a nasty one and was in a lymph node, chemo threw me into menopause anyway so it was a slightly more drastic way of achieving the same end.

Ash Great you have the room you want! And yes DH thinking of Consultancy which hopefully will be more humane.

smee Thu 02-May-13 20:47:18

Impressive falling, Topsy. grin

That's interesting Copt - about just having mastectomy and hormone therapy. I sound similar in original diagnosis to you. Wonder if my lot would say the same.

Malt, there's a whole raft of things which affect what you're offered and between us on here we've had all of them I'd imagine. Just ask us lots and let us demystify it all for you. Knowledge takes a lot of the fear away imo. smile

KurriKurri Thu 02-May-13 20:48:48

Evening all - I've been out all day - and have come back to 7000 posts to catch up on grin - am reading my way through them all, but sending love and hugs to all who need them.

I made the mistake of clicking on the Pan + goat link - that poor goat, - the whole thing reminds me of an appalling channel five documentary I once saw about people who 'love' animals hmm

I have been to yoga, and art group, and voted and eaten a bar of jelly bean and popping candy dairy milk - so a v. productive day grin

lots of love to Malteserz and trice - our new recruits, - hope you are both doing OK today (and Malt - I slept with the light on for a while after DX, -just do whatever you need to do to get through the early days and appointments xx)

topsyturner Thu 02-May-13 20:53:05

What's all this voting malarkey going on over there today ?
We don't have normal elections over here .

We also seem to have missed out in all the sunshine you guys are getting !

<grabs kk and snogs her>

KurriKurri Thu 02-May-13 21:03:38

It is local council I think topsy - I only really go and vote to see if a very odd local man is standing as a candidate, and which party he will have convinced to adopt him this time (it is different every election, he has been a member of every major political party, - I think he stood for MP last time but the labour party threw him out because he was writing pervy e-mails to females in the party, he is a wanker of the first order)

We have had glorious sunshine here today <rubs it in grin>

Chocolate Horlicks with a marshmallow in it anyone? (Have convinced myself I sleep better if I have this little treat grin)

HerNextDoorAt21 Thu 02-May-13 21:19:25

Very chatty indeed folks ..... I have had a busy day and this is the first time to read. I made 72 cupcakes today .... I use them as sweeteners for the breast care nurses, tissue viability nurses and my surgical team ... They've served me well so far..... Also delivered to DH's ward and the ward that imprisoned me for 15 days. Today's offerings are Bannoffee, ginger and lime and cappuccino .... topsy is chief taster

malt so sorry you got such news but seriously, amber knows her stuff and this is a great place to hang out and support each other

malteserzz Thu 02-May-13 21:25:32

In a strange way I feel less alone now I've met you all on here and those cupcakes sound amazing ! I've really lost my appetite but have made myself eat a bit today. I didn't bother voting
Dh asleep ! I'm watching Peter Andre

Gigondas Thu 02-May-13 21:27:52

Were you voting for him kurri?

Cakes sound amazing hnd.

You are fitting right in here maltessers-we have an ongoing joke about orange men. Does Peter still really really love his kids? Appetite will come back-it's shock/stress.

malteserzz Thu 02-May-13 21:32:36

Pete really really loves his kids ! And how young is his gf !

topsyturner Thu 02-May-13 21:41:11

HND will be feeding me banoffee cupcakes for my brekkie tomorrow .
She makes fab cupcakes , but banoffee ones are my One Weakness .... grin

You want to cope with the elections we have over here .
We had an environment minister at one point who refused to acknowledge the existence of global warming , and an education minister who sent her kids to private school in another country !!!
That's before we discuss the politicians who publicly promote phsychiatric counselling to "cure" homosexuals ...

Sigh ...
Back to my wine grin

topsyturner Thu 02-May-13 21:48:30

Who's watching the masterchef final ?
I want Natalie to win .

Copthallresident Thu 02-May-13 21:52:39

smee Friend who sees same Consultant just had a recurrence in a lymph node in her neck, her original lump twelveish years ago seemed inoffensive, so just had a lumpectomy and radiotherapy. It is still classed as a local recurrence rather than mets but she would have been recommended chemo not so long ago. However now our Consultant has passed her over to the team that specialise in hormone therapy. She just had her ovaries removed and with removal of the lump and radiotherapy that is it, apart obviously from constant monitoring, it. Strong family history, hoping she can hold it off until Science has answers.

Peter and Jordan nearly bought a friend's house. He was lovely if full of unfunny jokes that make people feel slightly awkward - as in how to laugh politely but not sound false. She...... less said.

topsyturner Thu 02-May-13 21:58:23

Friend of mines dc go to the same school as La Andres , and she said he's lovely . Her lady ship is sadly not a nice woman !!!

Yippee , Natalie won !!!
(Whoops , spoilers !!!)

Copthallresident Thu 02-May-13 22:05:06

HND Know someone in civil service, who had to explain to group who were claiming parity with Irish gaelic for something they christened "Scot's gaelic" that translating children with learning disabilities as "wee dafty bairns" was not acceptable.

topsyturner Thu 02-May-13 22:11:15

Cop Ulster Scots is one of the official languages over here .
Again , sigh ...

amberlight Thu 02-May-13 22:13:59

Hurrah re Natalie winning!!!

Malt, it's 'cos your mammogram squashed the boob and the lump. Squashed lump = wider, see.

Copt grin and blush re the "wee dafty bairns" !!!!

Evening all of the rest of you. Budge over a bit. I'm celebrating the company getting back into making a profit again after the year of hell we've just had.

smee Thu 02-May-13 22:25:24

HND, you out-caked me!! Yr4 cake sale tomorrow. Mine are just sponge, but they do have psychedelic sprinkles.. grin

malt, this place is seriously better than drugs - though obviously accept those too as they help. You'll get lots now. Flippant I know, but you'll get them free, as us cancer patients get an exemption card. <struggles to find a plus to cancer, but might have just found one> smile

Kurri, glad to see you're okay. Will leave you snogging Topsy...

No elections here either, Topsy but have just watched ep.1 of 'Politician's Husband'. David Tennant does dodgy football manager hair. V.good though. Might even watch ep.2 if Newsnight's dull.

Night all. Hope everyone sleeps. Especially all of you going through it atm. Who's Natalie? confused

Sorry you find yourself her marteserzz the shock is horrendous but honestly it does get easier once you know what you are dealing with and your treatment plan is in place and as everyone has said if you do need chemo whilst it isn't pleasant it is doable. My lump was only 1.7 cm but was as amber would say 'very badly behaved'.

Good old norn iron topsy - have you seen the norn iron tshirts page on FB. Good for a chuckle.

hnd very impressed with the cupcakes. I thought you had bought them blush.

amber yay for profit wine

mas glad T's appointment went ok.

copt I just knew I shouldn't click on your link hmm

Right off to bed. Waving to all.

KurriKurri Thu 02-May-13 22:33:26

Those cupcakes sound good HND (72 shock - I'm v.impressed),

grin at 'wee dafty bairns' - that's probably what my late MIL would have called children with learning disabilities (either that or 'no right in the heed').

I missed masterchef (I was watching the Politician's Husband) - am glad Natalie won though.

malteserz - if you like a nice orange man, you'll be pleased to hear topsy is keeper of the national archive of all things Dale Winton related (she is quite a fan grin)

Losing your appetite is definitely the shock, just try to eat a bit of something -even if its only a couple of crackers or something.
I found that fresh air helped, - I tried to go for a little walk each day, - I think it releases endorphines or something which help you feel calmer, and also it tires you out a bit which helps with the sleeping.

Gigs - I didn't vote for weird man - he wasn't on the list for a change (presumably he has run out of parties, although I don't think he's tried UKIP yet) His mother is also very strange - she lives in our village and once crossed the road to come up my driveway and tell me she thought my garden didn't look as nice now as it did under the previous house owners - nice!

I was going to watch question time, but I see it features the well known Nazi David Starkey and I don't think I could sit through his bile.

jchocchip Thu 02-May-13 22:35:57

Nighty night. Sweet dreams. My eyes want to shut!

No elections here. Its our year off council elections.
Yay for accomodation, ash.

malteserzz Thu 02-May-13 22:53:36

Night night all and thanks for being so welcoming to me. I used to love getting into bed and going to sleep but now it seems so scary. Tomorrow to get through then were away till Monday and my appointment is on Tuesday. Hope I dream about Peter Andre rather than dale winton !

HND those cupcakes are seriously fabulous - I thought you'd bought them too!
Hooray for Natalie - really wanted her to win.
Sleep well malt and lots of love to you all xxxx

Copthallresident Fri 03-May-13 00:04:31

HND Agree with Mas assumed they were from some chic cupcake shop, well impressed

Copthallresident Fri 03-May-13 00:09:25

KK I think you might have enjoyed Newsnight as Shirley Williams, Harriet Harman and Victoria Coren more than rose to the challenge of putting the nasty little man in his box. In fact my favourite moment was when he was on a rant and Shirley Williams put a patronising arm around him with an amused smile, as if to say "There now dear, calm down" .....

malteserzz Fri 03-May-13 00:45:37

Can't sleep again think I will get some sleeping tablets tomorrow can't go through this every night have come downstairs so at least dh can sleep

Gigondas Fri 03-May-13 02:58:58

Budge up malt- feels like my arm on fire tonight so I can't sleep either . Defo get some sleeping tabs -I am on phone to dr lovely tomorrow as cant be doing with disturbed nights sleep.

Where are you based malt? We are doing a meet up soon so would be lovely if you could join in(and everyone else).

grin At weirdo man and his mum kurri. I thought you were the dale fan (as well as ken from Howard's way), topsy has the Tom jones thing.

The ni politics making me smile- there is some sort of vote on night flights at health row but that's it here.

Lightbulb moment here- I suspect getting broken nights sleep not helping me feeling so drained . They really should have a face palm emoticon wink.

Expect I will be first/last up so here is something to go with your brew orange tom

Amber- that's great news about profits.

malteserzz Fri 03-May-13 03:25:12

Gig I'm in the midlands. Had a real panic moment earlier but have got through it again , Going to ring and ask for sleeping tablets tomorrow though hope you managed to get some sleep

Gigondas Fri 03-May-13 03:32:13

Am watching greys anatomy as cant get comfy - arm fine if propped up and keep gently moving it but get this weird dead arm/burning pain if not ( I think it is nerves waking up post op). Left bed as was just not comfy so in kitchen with some herb tea and tv.

Sorry about panic moment - I find them worse when tired, up at night . Deep breathing helps -I thou nose for count of 5 and out thru mouth for 5, do about 8-10 times. It slows the palpitations and stress response. It won't take all fear away but does help with the yucky physical side.

malteserzz Fri 03-May-13 03:49:39

Enjoy greys anatomy I've never seen it . Your arm sounds painful bless you good idea to get up I think at least you can rest with it in a comfortable position. Dh has slept all night I'm really trying not to wake him he needs his sleep whereas I'm quite used to lying awake worrying even before this shitty disease reared it's head. I feel like on Tuesday they're just going to tell me that's it no hope hmm really must stop googling

notJenkins Fri 03-May-13 04:15:54

Can I join the nightshift ? I am awake with the delightful post norovirus delight of comedy style excessive wind. I am expecting scientists to turn up to investigate the earth tremors any moment. The stomach churning is horrendous. Of course I am lying here googling symptoms of cancers that could be responsible.

Gigondas Fri 03-May-13 04:21:53

sadconfusedconfused No googling! It is out if date and full of nutters. I know it's hard tho as you want reassurance.

Catastrophising about Tuesday is probably natural (ESP if you are a worrier). But there is no such thing as do nothing -even if spread , can be managed and you could have years. My cousin is here 5 years in with ovarian cancer -they didn't give her til Xmas.

I think some sleeping tabs, anxiety tabs and trying to fill your days (and nights -get on the box sets ) til Tuesday might help.

The other thing about how downbeat/factual drs are - they have to be as actually got strict guidance on what they say (hence no false positives), more than other fields. My specialist nurse told me this. I find that doesn't help with my fears so I now inky get basics and dh gets the rest so I don't worry/get tempted to google.

Gigondas Fri 03-May-13 04:23:39

grin At you notjenkins and google, I am havng shoving wind with painkillers as my tummy gets used to them.
Anymore house viewings?

Gigondas Fri 03-May-13 04:25:06

Shocking not shoving and only not inky.

notJenkins Fri 03-May-13 04:34:25

No viewings for a few days which is probably a good thing as I have been mostly lying on the sofa with the hounds. They have been looking after me and don't seem to mind the wind. This virus has been a shocker and has really made me feel bad.
I managed my work hours this week despite the virus so at least the first week back is done. It is weird as I got all hermit like since dx and now am forced to talk to people at work. Most people are saying things like 'at least it is all over ' ' you are cured now ' and I want to slap them, shake them hard and shout at them. I honestly don't know if I should just nod and smile or try to explain that it will be months before I know if I need more treatment and I will be monitored for life so it will never be all over for me.
Sorry you are on the nightshift too gigs some advice about getting decent sleep sounds lie a good idea.
I hope our wind improves before our piss meet up. Anyone ever seen Mr Methane ?

malteserzz Fri 03-May-13 05:55:41

Notjenkins good that the norovirus is coming to an end , sounds horrible. I managed a couple of hours sleep I think.

malteserzz Fri 03-May-13 05:57:16

And I understand about people saying its over etc though they probably just don't know what to say. People keep telling me to fight it ( how ???) and be positive

Gigondas Fri 03-May-13 06:44:12

Norovirus can be grim . Good for you for managing work.

The you are over it bit is annoying cut as you say , it's people saying what think. The whole fighting thing is source of much mirth here. Naturally we all do what we can but hate idea that you lose.

Managed an hour or so now so about 3 hours in all. Defo need a plan as its worse than having a new born.

coorong Fri 03-May-13 06:45:41

Morning all. Sorry to be away for a who a while. Slowly recovering but also back at my placement school to finish my PGCE so exhausted. Hope you're all enjoying spring - my bargain half price tulips are all in bud so very excited.

Welcome to the club malt - the wait is the worst. I had two years of "is it or isn't it". And it was actually a relief when I had a definite tumour to contend with. It was a case of rolling up your sleeves and saying "right, lets deal withit" . For me it was all about being in control. IME it all hangs on the pathology - and until then anything you read is a bit useless. But as everyone else says (and see BBC news today), BC is very common in 40-50 year olds AND its not a death sentence, it's a disease to be treated and managed.

DON'T GOOGLE - I'd there's one thing that definitely gives you cancer, it's google.

topsyturner Fri 03-May-13 08:11:44

"Google gives you Cancer"
Snort gringringringrin
Good one Coorong grin

topsyturner Fri 03-May-13 08:13:08

And Gigs , STOP LINKING TO SIR TOM IN HIS PANTS !!!!!
Gives me one hell of a shock first thing in the morning grin

trice Fri 03-May-13 08:31:04

I have just had pork scratchings for breakfast! I am diabetic so all those cakes are out of bounds for me so Dh has to work hard to find me a treat. They were actually some german crunchy pig bits in lard recipe that he found on the Internet. Very tasty indeed.

Copthallresident Fri 03-May-13 08:42:33

It was all going on last night when for the first time this week I actually slept... wine and it finally caught up with me.

gigs The pain sounds awful. I remember some extraordinary sensations as the nerves repaired themselves on my chest and under my arm, they do leave you to cope with the achiest bits of recovery. I hope Dr Lovely can help.

Maltz Yes the demons come at night. Another running joke on here is our "visions". We are all woo psychics! shock Nah! It is just it can help to have some mental images to keep the demons at bay. I found it very helpful. Things you want to do after treatment or images of the Cancer getting zapped. It is personal but mine were standing on a mountain with my support group (that has happened), sitting on a terrace above Bath with my closest friends grey haired and wrinkled sipping champagne (that hasn't happened because I am not grey or lined because one of them was widowed and went spectacularly Kerry Katona Brittney Spears type mad, can't give the details as would out me but good story for piss up meet up, was diagnosed with bipolar disease and now is on an elephant dose of drugs to control it, and can't drink because she pickled her liver self medicating. Real life intervened and Cancer isn't the only shit that happens.) Sitting on various beaches (that has happened too). Also as I am a sad sci fi/ Lord of the Rings geek I had the entire male totty cast of Lord of the Rings and their armies on my side racing around my body wink seeing off all the nasty ugly misshapen orcs / cancer cells.

We have had fun recently with ways of seeing off Katherine Jenkins, gigs tumour (presumably now in toxic waste sack in posh hospitalgrin) Damien Lewis was ravished in the process. If you give us some ideas of your personal hates and joys I am sure we can bring our lust imagination to bear!

Also as antidote to all that patronising, be positive/ fighting talk and all the pink candy floss I really appreciated this article when I was first diagnosed. <Copt gets that article out again> www.barbaraehrenreich.com/cancerland.htm

Copthallresident Fri 03-May-13 08:47:33

nj Glad to hear you are recovering. I don't remember the wind shock just feeling like my insides had turned themselves inside out. I am still 7 lbs lighter which for me is a good thing these days. A sort of silver lining?

jchocchip Fri 03-May-13 09:04:43

Morning peeps just catching up on way to work. Has anyone got appointments today? I hope all of you who were up all night can at least put you feet up for a nap during the day, I'm exhausted just thinking about it!

AshokanFarewell Fri 03-May-13 10:00:53

Good morning all! smile

I was super grumpy yesterday evening, drove my parents mad demanding cold black grapes despite a) no cold foods and b) grapes definitely a terrible idea. I knew I was being unreasonable and grumpy but couldn't stop myself, I shall blame the steroids grin also felt quite shitty but feeling quite a bit better this morning. I just reeeeally want a cold drink!

HND the cupcakes look fabulous.

malt and gigs sorry you both had a tough night, hopefully you can get some drugs today to deal with pain and anxiety smile

trice am veggie so can't comment on pork scratchings but good you've found a nice treat! smile

Have a lovely day everyone!

topsyturner Fri 03-May-13 10:17:54

Oh I strongly remember being totally unreasonable on steroids too Ash !
Gigs and I share the "roid rage" , and we also had the undeniable urge to eat everything within a 3 foot radius !!!
Ah the good old days grin

amberlight Fri 03-May-13 10:19:22

Yes, how exactly are we supposed to 'fight it' ourselves? Best research shows that people survive in greater numbers when they treat it as a minor nuisance (even the ones that aren't). And carry on regardless as much as possible. And have loads of social contact with good mates. That improves the odds too. Good science behind why, for both of those things. So 'fighting it' is a mad request. Just do as much normal life as you can manage and let the docs worry about getting rid of it.

amberlight Fri 03-May-13 10:26:54

PS, for those new to the science of cancer, it's a semi-intelligent thingy. It learns how to defeat cancer medication. But it can't learn more than three tricks. Which is why they give all sorts of different cancer drugs at once/pack lots into the tablets etc. It gets too confused, and cops it. It's also why some of the herbal potions can help...because they act as a fourth chemical bombardment which adds to the power of the other chemotherapy drugs etc.
Some cancers are so hyperintelligent that even four cancer drugs don't stop them, which is why the scientists are looking for even more cunning things to throw at it all at once.

I do think that carrying on normally as much as possible is the best way, working if you can,seeing friends, doing nice stuff, having treats - I do try to be as normal as possible anyway smile
Have been to nice gp for review of my meds (anti depressants) and we had a chat about this dx as I hadn't seen him since it happened- he's given me ibuprofen gel too for my horribly swollen finger joint my hands are a disgrace,dry,red and lumpy with crap nails...it makes me sad as they were very nice hands once. Still I am able to work,so shouldn't grizzle.

Sometimesiwonder Fri 03-May-13 11:09:37

I think it's more than fair to grizzle about your hands, MAS. Was doing the same thing myself the other day, I'm sure it's the tamoxifen that's made my once super-strong nails so soft and crumbly. It's fair enough to bewail the change.

Hope the ibuprofen gel works for you.x

Am I the only one who finds the idea of a semi-intelligent being lurking in my system a bit eek-inducing?

It is so lovely and sunny here: I have loads of work to do but have been crap at actually doing it all week...hmm

Gigondas Fri 03-May-13 11:28:20

Nods and agrees with all said this morning. I am reading very interesting book on science/use of mindfulness which has some interesting references that back up amber /mas on the carry on idea.

Spoken to dr lovely who will up meds but basically key to sore arm is keeping it elevated. He was very reassuring tho.

Mas hope gel helps your poor hands.

I did manage to walk big gig to school so that's something .

Gigondas Fri 03-May-13 11:30:58

I find it a bit eek but I think of it as a rogue toddler- it can do a fair amount of independent damage but there are ways to control it but need to find what works for each one.

I take an odd comfort and tell my cancer that it lives me with not the other way round - it can't survive without me but I can. Not sure it listens but helps me as part if visualisation.

smee Fri 03-May-13 11:32:29

Can't keep up, but totally agree with Sometimes, MAS. You're more than allowed to moan. Hope gel works.

Gigs, go sleep - see there was quite a night shift thing gang last night. Hope you're all okay today. Malt, hope you get some pills to help tonight.

Waving to all. Just mad amounts of work, but will try and catch up later. smile

amberlight Fri 03-May-13 12:01:06

<waves duct tapes at Smee in threatening manner> No overdoing it, missus! <hopes no-one remembers her own tendencies in this regard>

Gigondas Fri 03-May-13 12:16:35

Oh and don't talk to me about the roid hunger - I have emptied our fridge and cupboards -have all the more time for being up at night!

Copthallresident Fri 03-May-13 12:27:18

Key thing is Cancer is only semi and mono intelligent, and not actually malevolent. More a bunch of leaderless idiots that are always in your body, usually your bodies police keep them under control but sometimes they need reinforcements.

I think you cling to the normal even if it isn't a conscious coping strategy based on the Science. I remember being involved in the girls routine became hugely important to me and a real source of comfort and joy. Everything that is happening is so extraordinary you cling to the comfort of the everyday. It is actually a perfectly normal response to trauma well researched and documented by Psychologists. Crops up again and again in the writings of the people I have studied for my diss /thesis who have experienced terrible trauma, even as they face or have experienced terrible atrocities they worry about what clothes to wear. Your brain cannot cope emotionally with the horror it has to process so it focuses on the comforting familiar and everyday as a sort of anaesthetic. Then you can retrieve the memories of the traumatic things in manageable chunks when you are ready, if ever. The memory of traumatic times is notoriously unreliable and of course some people need help with the process of dealing with what has happened to them. You can come out stronger though, and it can lead to some powerful literature and poetry wink <shameless plug for thesis, will be on shelves around 2050> blush

mas of course you can moan about hands fingers and nails especially as they must be so precious to you, and in front of you all the time. That gel quickly got rid of a nodule thing that had developed on an arthritic knuckle, have not had any pain since. I was quite amazed by how effective it was, especially as had put up with it for months. My nails are still shit, it is as if all the drugs created some sort weakness in the nail bed so they are all ridged, and split and blister as they reach the end. At least I don't have to worry about wrecking my nails when I am gardening.

smee Fri 03-May-13 12:37:22

Always love that - cancer cells as leadlerless idiots. grin

Amber, the words 'pot' and 'kettle' spring to mind. <waves duct tape back. Well done on being in profit again btw. Calls for wine later? smile

trice Fri 03-May-13 12:46:38

Do you have a special cushion to keep your arm up on Gig? I used an old breast feeding one when my lymph edema got bad. And lots of gentle stroking to give those nerves something to do instead of causing pain.

My nails are paradoxically gorgeous at the moment, because the rest of me feels like crap. I haven't been gardening or hiking or any of the other active things which usually wreck them. I think I just found a bit of silver lining!

I listen to old issues of "In our time" on the iplayer in the dead of night. I find it has exactly the right mix of distraction from the intrusive thought roundabout and boring me back to sleep.

I can see how In Our Time would be good for sleeping - I listen to it most weeks and marvel at how incomprehensible it mostly is...

Hi all, brief update, just back from seeing consultant. The bone cancer is definately from the breast cancer. It's in both femurs and extensive on spine all the way to something called L 11 or T 11, brain freeze there I'm afraid.

He is sending me for a CT scan to see if spread includes lungs liver stomach etc. That should be in the next ten days so prayers crossed fingers anything gratefully received.

He is also contacting the cancer specialist to see what we do next. I think he meant chemo which I refused (had radio therapy only for breast) last time but after following posts on here feel braver about (or desperate enough for)

What scare me the most is that he is usually quite a jokey chap but today was very straight faced. Stupid I realise, it wasn't a jokey time. I found myself searching his face a lotconfused

On the plus side I got a new lighter, smaller Bettysmile

topsyturner Fri 03-May-13 14:09:43

Earth chemo is not as scarlet as you think .
I did great on chemo , anti sickness meds do wonderful things these days .
As for the rest of it , secondaries are shitty news . But not necessarily the end of the road .
Give yourself time to get this step processed , then see what your onc recommends re chemo .
They wouldn't be talking chemo if they didn't think it would do any good .
Be kind to yourself today , it's a lot to take in x

topsyturner Fri 03-May-13 14:10:13

Scarlet ???
Obv meant tough , no idea how that got in there !

Sometimesiwonder Fri 03-May-13 14:22:41

Well done for taking in so much, Earth.

I hope we have given you the courage to go for the chemo, as topsy says, it is doable and they must think it is worth it or they wouldn't put you through the hassle. Take it easy this weekend, don't google, it really is confusing and inaccurate and just anxiety inducing. They'll taker good care of you, and we'll hold your hand. x

Thank you flowers I gained some of my trust back in him today. I'd lost it back when I had my mastectomy as he left a bleeder in which took a midnight dash back to theater to fix, scary time!

Today he was much more straight faced and, I felt professiona,l instead of jokey.

I did chicken out of chemo last time but I must be around for DD2's wedding next summer, no question there. Get myself well armed with all the support you lot can muster and I can do it.

Please though can I have a good cry now? xxx

Thank you flowers I gained some of my trust back in him today. I'd lost it back when I had my mastectomy as he left a bleeder in which took a midnight dash back to theater to fix, scary time!

Today he was much more straight faced and, I felt professiona,l instead of jokey.

I did chicken out of chemo last time but I must be around for DD2's wedding next summer, no question there. Get myself well armed with all the support you lot can muster and I can do it.

Please though can I have a good cry now? xxx

Sometimesiwonder Fri 03-May-13 14:53:59

Wedding is definitely something to look forward to, which always helps. Concentrate on getting well for it.

But in the meantime - yep, have a good cry. <passes industrial sized box of tissues> brew

xxx

topsyturner Fri 03-May-13 15:00:40

Yep crying is the way forward for today .

amberlight Fri 03-May-13 15:07:42

<passes over box of Kleenex to Earth>
Chemo is doable. Not a bundle of fun, but (for example) a friend of mine was pronounced as only having three weeks to live. That was, er, two and a half years ago now. She's currently running her local Council, is a stalwart of half a dozen other places etc. Absolutely riddled with cancer inside, etc, but chemo has halted it and now she just ignores it and has her weekly dose to keep stopping it. Does more than I do. Bungs a wig on, off she goes. I worked through chemo and found it was fine. Others are not so impressed with it, but the modern anti sickness potions etc are handy. Give it a whirl, definitely.

trice Fri 03-May-13 15:10:46

Earth, what a bugger - stupid shitty cancer! You can feel sorry for yourself today. It is allowed.

Gigondas Fri 03-May-13 15:12:15

Squeezes earths hand - definitely cry and get it out. The meetings where discuss treatment are always scary as they have to spell it out (it's basis of consent and you can't have cancer treatment without details).

Another who managed chemo ok. We will help you through . You just keep that wedding in your head as you want to be there - that's your goal .

Will light candle on scan but that's normal to check. If its spread , will affect the chemo (but as topsy said its not game over - they wouldn't be discussing treatment if wasn't worth it) . Also the scans are base level to measure chemo success. I know we all hate the scans but try to think of them as tools like blood pressure check just to help treat you.

Trice- yes that kind of cushion and sitting up was advised (am guessing the discomfort and odd sensation very similar to lymphodema). It had helped me have a rest which is good but not for too long as don't want to end up in the nap day/no sleep night pattern.

If I had two good arms , I would duct tape you together as I am loving the pot/kettle discussion with amber and smee,

Malt- how you doing?

Will be back later for wine but trying to do some reading before big gig returns.

Gigondas Fri 03-May-13 15:14:56

My cousin similar to Amber's mate and still here. There was also another long term poster mas knew who was still around 4 years on and working despite ton of treatment. Google doesn't show the many people quietly living with mets as chronic disease.

trice Fri 03-May-13 15:14:58

I am a wimp about chemo and just lie around being pale and sucking ice cubes and making everyone else look after me. Feeble is the word. All you folk who soldier on at work have my admiration.

Gigondas Fri 03-May-13 15:15:43

Crying then wine and karaoke and orange men later? Please topsy

def wine later
earth I am having chemo for mets and really it's quite ok and I'm working (I know I work for myself, but am doing quite a lot at the mo.- it keeps me sane and feeling like me) You might be offered oral chemo like me which I think is something that enables people to carry on their normal life pretty much,particularly if it's going to be a continuous treatment (which seems to be the case)

Copthallresident Fri 03-May-13 15:47:29

trice Don't worry, I took to the couch too........

earth chemo affects different people in different ways. I know people who sailed through but I had quite a tough time with infection and low white blood cell counts but even so it was a bit like being pregnant albeit going on a total bender every three weeks that left me with the mother of all hangovers!! However there was only one bad week, then a being careful about catching things week, then a week sometimes two or three (if next treatment got delayed by white blood cells not multiplying) to party! Definitely doable

And weep buckets, it's shit.

You are also allowed to join me with a bit of cathartic angry I thought it was safe to go near the newsstands outside of Breast Cancer awareness week but no the bloody Telegraph is doing a Daily Mail with half the front page devoted to a "women are giving themselves Breast by drinking, having babies late and generally being naughty girls article" www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/10033436/Under-50s-with-breast-cancer-at-record-high.html NO THEY ARE NOT. Help me out Amber but this is misleading. Last time Dr Geek and I discussed this known risk factors account for only a small part of risk, and most of that is familial risk. They don't fully understand the rest of risk, probably a combination of environmental pollution, genetic risk, exposure to hormones in drugs and from the environment (Dr Geek is strong on this
especially in my case) and other risk factors as yet unknown. Whilst the known impact of increased alcohol consumption and delaying babies will lead to an increase in the incidence of breast cancer in the whole population it will be a small part of the explanation, it is just the only part of it they understand.

Meanwhile all those Daily Telegraph misogynists will be tutting and happily perceiving we have all bought it on ourselves angry

AshokanFarewell Fri 03-May-13 15:49:18

Oh Earth cry as much as you need. It is very cathartic. I like to cry in the shower as then no one else has to know. My family find it very difficult when I cry and so I try not to it in front of them!

I had chemo on Wednesday and apart from a bit of a shitty evening yesterday where I felt sick and restless and just a bit bleurgh I really am alright. Today I have been clothes shopping and tried on and bought two dresses, a hat and a jacket! That's a good day for me, chemo or no chemo. And I hope this doesn't sound rude but I guess you're probably a little older than me if your daughter is getting married, how exciting by the way! And my onc and nurse said younger people often take chemo worse than those slightly older as young people are still growing/making new cells at a much faster rate so the difference is more marked when the chemo stops that smile so you may well breeze through, lots do, or at least it won't be as bad as you may think, none of the ladies on the chemo ward looked toooo grim this week, and we all have a bit of a giggle grin

That was very rambly meant to be reassuring through. Have a big hug from me and give yourself time for it all to sink in. I wouldn't take too much notice of the doctor's mood, they often seem to have no idea how their behaviour or moods can affect their patients! smile

AshokanFarewell Fri 03-May-13 15:54:20

Grrrr cross posted cop. Absolute twats!

Gigondas Fri 03-May-13 15:55:01

Bloody telegraph - removes it from reading list to wipe feet on.

AshokanFarewell Fri 03-May-13 15:55:03

Love to everyone by the way, I hope you're all enjoying some sunshine smile and not working too hard!

KurriKurri Fri 03-May-13 16:05:49

Earth - cry all you need to, - it's shitty horrible illness. But it sounds like they have a plan to tackle it, hang on to that thought. xx

Gig's sorry you had a bad night, and Malt too - I think sleeping pills are a good plan, - you can't function and deal with it all on no sleep.
On the waking up or lying in bed in a panic tossing and turning - my GP told me to get up get a drink, read a book watch telly - anything but don't lie there worrying, try to distract yourself with something (audiobooks are good too), even if you just lie awake listening to something through headphones, it is more restful than tossing and turning.

MAS - bugger about hands, hope the gel helps. Meant to say yesterday, - I'm glad T's appointment went well.

Ash - I also used to get roid rage - it's horrible, I snapped like a very snappy thing at anyone in my path grin

Copt - I'm glad HH, VC and SW stood up to the Starkey, he is quite the most vile individual I have ever come across (well nearly) - he's a Holocaust denier IIRC.

I was also angry at the BC news today - sick of being told that if you get BC as a young woman you are an obese alcoholic so serves you right, - never seems to be the same negative coverage of male cancers or any other cancers in fact.

Figgy - if you are reading, how are things? - I have been thinking of you and hope things went Ok for MrF this week xx

I went to keep fit this morning - but really struggled to keep up, having missed it for a couple of weeks due to the virus from hell. I did manage to float about impressively to Colour of the Wind in our cool down dance though grin in my head at least

I bought a big blue flowered plant from a market stall which will look nice in my border, and a load of Dahlia and begonia bulbs in Wilko's which had been reduced.

Love to all.

malteserzz Fri 03-May-13 16:07:57

Hi all
Earth I'm sorry about your news but the other ladies on here seem to really know their stuff and hearing of people they know who are living with this is encouraging to me
I've had a funny old day.went to the doctors and got some sleeping tablets then came home and cried as I thought he was looking at me too sympathetically grinthen dh and I went for a walk which was ok till we remembered what's going on hmm
My mums been round and she was very positive and took my mind off things
Still feel like I'm living someone else's life
Love to all x

amberlight Fri 03-May-13 16:54:18

MAS, grr about hands. Still can't feel mine most of the time, which is weird.

Copt, what ARE they like!!? "Cases of breast cancer in the under-50s have increased steadily in recent years, numbering 9,312 in 2008 and 9,528 in 2009 before reaching 10,068 in 2010." www.cancerresearchuk.org/prod_consump/groups/cr_common/@nre/@sta/documents/image/inc_asr_age_f_breast_png.png is a useful graph for those wishing to explore this. The 40-49 rate has been pretty steady all the way through. The big increases are in other older age groups. Guess that's not a story though.

smee Fri 03-May-13 16:56:16

((((hugs for Earth)))) sodding disease. Can't add much, but chemo's definitely do-able and as others have said there's a huge variation in what you're given. One step at a time and cry your eyes out now, of course you must. Bone mets are often the most treatable from all I've read and there's a lot they can do. xx

malt, are you still going away for the weekend? Hope you are, as it might distract you. Hope the pills work too. Well done on even getting to the doctors though. I seem to remember finding it hard to do anything when it was me.

Copt, I saw a bit of QT, but hate Starkey so much I switched to Newnight the first time he started pontificating. Odious man..

Kurri, well done on going at all. Been ages since I did any exercise - too much work and no time. lame excuse

Sunny here, but being kicked off computer by DS and his friend who 'need' to play Minecraft. Seems to be the current obsession. I will exile myself to the garden..

malteserzz Fri 03-May-13 17:21:47

Smee yes still going away for the weekend hoping it will help the wait till Tuesday a little. Everyone keeps saying I'll feel better once I have a plan but I'm just thinking yes unless it's all worse than they thought.

What's everyone having for dinner ? I have no appetite at all but dh has gone out for fish and chips so hopefully will manage a few x

jchocchip Fri 03-May-13 17:34:39

On bus home. Hugs for earth xxxx. Now I want some fish and chips! envy but dd2 is cooking and I'm trying to be good - salad for lunch again. Have big bag of Thorntons misshapes in my bag though <puts half of them on the trolley> someone put a brew on I'm nearly home and its the weekend grin

coorong Fri 03-May-13 17:35:00

Greeting all - am waiting for the magic hour to crack a wine but surely somewhere in the world it's already 6!!!!!

mas have you tried 8 hour cream (Elizabeth Arden) for hands or aveeno - they both seem to help my badly sun damaged hands (from years doing field work without gloves in Australia)

And malt when I was diagnosed in Feb, I was in la la land. I have two friends who died at a young age and that's all I could think of. So I came o this forum and told everyone I new. I soon discovered a bit like miscarriage, BC is actually very common.

Also, as I think most posters agree, you HAVE to embrace your inner Kylie!

........ Is it nearly 6?????????

coorong Fri 03-May-13 17:36:20

Friday night is curry night at our house, followed by mini magnums

trice Fri 03-May-13 17:36:51

I am having black rice, kale and sardines. Fish and chips are lovely comfort food. I hope you enjoy them.

jchocchip Fri 03-May-13 17:37:52

Oooooh what a good idea! I'm going to embrace my inner Kylie tonight grin

Anyone fancy a Twix? I may have 'accidentally' bought 100 grin. I was bored in work on Monday and it was a daily deal on Ebay. Arrived this afternoon and I have tested and they are fine.

Off to the rugby tonight so I will embrace my inner Kylie when I get home.

amberlight Fri 03-May-13 17:43:43

Can I embrace a real Kylie please? smile

KurriKurri Fri 03-May-13 17:44:52

I'm having polenta with veg cheese and olives flung all over it, I call it 'polenta thing', - I have also <and I'm getting a bit over excited here> found a butterscotch Angel delight in the cupboard, which I will be serving with sliced banana (fruit - see, that's healthy), - it is cordon bleu central chez Kurri.

malt - have a good weekend away, - I think you are very sensible to go, it will help the time pass, hope the weather stays nice for you smile

brew is on jchoc, -misshapes, yum <snaffles some up>

wine - cheers coorong, I'm sure wine o'clock is earlier on a Friday (especially when its a bank holiday weekend) grin

Don't be too impressed with my exercise Smee- its not exactly fast and furious grin - also it was someone's birthday and she had brought flap jacks in for everyone - so any small quantity of calories burned was quickly put back on grin

coorong Fri 03-May-13 17:49:41

Accidentally bought 100 twix - yeah right! You'll won't be able to find your inner Kylie!

I adore butterscotch angel delight - now I'll have to get some.
Mum keeps sending round blancmange or jelly - bless her- I love them.
Have just eaten a bag of choppd up carrots in preparation for less healthy supper of chinese takeaway to celebrate the bank hol.
100 Twixes ??

coorong Fri 03-May-13 17:53:21

On the media stories about cancer, it helps to go to the NHS behind the headlines website. It states clearly that we're not all overweight alcoholics.

Here's their take on the breast cancer in the under 50's
breast cancer rates in the under 50s

coorong nothing seems to help my hands -have tried Aveeno too- am hoping theyll look better in the summer as they go brown very quickly,along with my feet- always have done.

Copthallresident Fri 03-May-13 17:55:40

I once realised I was standing next to Kylie outside a hotel, she is the size of one of the Coppettes age 6. If I embraced her she would snap! I think I'll embrace my inner Jennifer Saunders, more substantial, though she seems a bit grumpy in RL but then so am I ...............I've probably more chance of embracing my inner Edina grin . My mad friend and other friend and I once really did fall out of Harvey Nicks after too many sherbets in their café wink We were being ironic obviously not drunk at all grin

I'm off for a Manchurian..............

manchurianlegends.com/menus.htm

coorong the box weighs about the same as Kylie grin

KurriKurri Fri 03-May-13 18:03:25

100 twixes gracie? - I like your style! grin

My name is gracie and I'm a greedy pig blush

smee Fri 03-May-13 18:20:17

How many twixes?! Bet they don't last the weekend. grin

DH said he'd sort food, and have just checked the fridge to find that means Waitrose take out curry. wine might be in order. Coorong, it's past six. glug.. smile

Kurri, flapjacks essential after exercise. I am more slothful than a sloth, but still ate two today.. shock

coorong Fri 03-May-13 18:29:39

hic

AshokanFarewell Fri 03-May-13 18:32:51

Kylie cancer advice just came across this on YouTube, she seems to be quite down to earth about it. I was actually looking for this, my shower song (and dance) of choice grin

How is everyone this evening?

KK your polenta thing sounds fab, love polenta, how do you season it? My polenta always ends up very bland, it's such a soothing texture though, love it just with cheese. Also loooove chocolate angel delight here.

gracie sounds like the perfect kinda accident!

MAS hope the ibu gel helps. I've found cocoa butter helps mine but sounds like you've already tried lots of similar things.

Enjoy your lovely sounding dinners everyone smile

Gigondas Fri 03-May-13 18:46:21

All this food sounds great. Steak sandwich here with showgirl kylie

topsyturner Fri 03-May-13 18:47:11

Hmm I'm actually an obese alcoholic , has The Telegraph been stalking me ???

Pub night at HNDs later .
Hot and spicey chicken wings , pitta and taramasalata .
Oh and maybe a tiny vino ...

topsyturner Fri 03-May-13 18:47:58

Gracie I'll be round shortly to help with your choccie problem !

malteserzz Fri 03-May-13 18:52:22

Pass me a twix ! I love Kylies advice too smile
Am I allowed to be a bit twee ? I do like all this women helping women I've experienced this week. All of you have made such a difference to me as has a lovely lady I work with who's been through it. I hope to come through this nightmare myself and be able to help someone else x

malteserzz Fri 03-May-13 19:08:16

Blimey can't believe I wrote that pass me the sick bucket grin

HerNextDoorAt21 Fri 03-May-13 19:10:36

Earth ... I am so sorry to read your news and totally agree with all the advice the others have given. Take time to take it all in and have a good weep ......it is a great coping mechanism .... Hugs x

jchocchip Fri 03-May-13 19:15:20

Dd2 went out for tea! Should have remembered as gave her the £ this morning. So accidentally dragged dh to pub for tea smile and beer! wine Now need to walk the long way home as way over on calories grin

HerNextDoorAt21 Fri 03-May-13 19:16:06

Oh I read that article just now .... That's me then ..... I do drink over 7 glasses of wine a week and I dared to have two boys when I was 37 and 43 respectively. ...... How dare I have a failed marriage and not find a decent person to love me and father my children until later life !!!!!! What a pile of old crAp (drinks second glass of wine of the day waiting for topsy to come round for pub night !!!! Chicken wings, pitta crisps with taramasalata and humus and olives and pepperdew peppers for supper ! We know how to live in this street !

I had an interesting time today. Delivered cupcakes to DH's ward colleagues, outpatients and the scroll fund raiser people then got to hospital and they removed my dressings and drains then realised that pharmacy had no drains to replace the ones they had taken out !!!! Cue panic and searching the whole of Belfast hospitals for drains to no avail. I had some drains at home so the tissue viability nurse had to patch me up with gauze and follow me home in a taxi (not insured to be passenger in parents' car !!!!!) and do the dressings at home ...... Just call me LUCKY !!!! A there any other complications that have not been thou of in my case ?

KurriKurri Fri 03-May-13 19:16:29

You are allowed to be as twee as you like malteserz, that is a lovely thing to say, and I definitely agree, women do pull together and support each other - and when you are first DX it does feel very lonely, as if you are the only one out there, -but you're not, we're all here for hand holding and cake (mostly cake, or twixes in gracies case)grin

jchocchip Fri 03-May-13 19:16:41

Obese alcoholic? Me? grin

HerNextDoorAt21 Fri 03-May-13 19:19:19

Sorry for posting barrage ... On iPad and cannot scroll.

gigs and malt hope you both get better nits sleep but glad you were there for ac other last night. I still wake every time I move in bed as can only sleep on one side and have nerve damage to leg after surgery (11 inch back scar may have something to do with it) so I get very achy sleeping on left side on the dead leg !

KurriKurri Fri 03-May-13 19:19:50

Blimey HND, that must have been a bit hairy, you must surely have had every kind of dressing emergency now! grin

HerNextDoorAt21 Fri 03-May-13 19:22:06

Whoops topsy might have slipped and fallen in tesco and bout more pub snacks ! Hurry up, fellow fat alky next door waiting for you !!!!!

KurriKurri Fri 03-May-13 19:23:58

I have a terrible rock and roll lifestyle dilemma, - should I spend my evening knitting, make a start on my jigsaw puzzle (cats in a conservatory) or go completely mad and break open my crossword magazine. Oh the agony of choice grin