Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any medical concerns we suggest you consult your GP.

So. The final verdict is, after all my poor bits have been though, I will need a hysterectomy. And I just can't wrap my mind around it. So angry and sad.

(88 Posts)
Jacksmania Sun 13-Jan-13 19:26:24

Title just about says it all.

Please bear with me, I am so angry and sad, so if I'm horrid and bitchy, I apologize in advance. And this will probably be long, but I need to get it off my chest.

The story of my poor knackered bits is probably all over MN, certainly on the Ragged Bits thread and I'm sure I've bored everyone to tears venting about DS's shitstorm birth (massively long unproductive labour, 4 hours + of pushing, forceps, 4th degree tear, incontinence, blah-de-blah-de-fucking-blah...). That was nearly 5 years ago. It's dragged on that long. I had an internal repair (trying to give me a semblance of a normal fanjo) when DS was a year old, perineal scar revision when he was 2 1/2. Since then have tried to cope womanfully with after-effects. Dx'd with prolapse a year or so ago, maybe longer. Prolapse worsened this past year. Went back to GP, was referred back to my original surgeon, who took a look and said "oh dear - I don't do those" grin and speed-referred me to another lovely surgeon whom I saw Weds.

Just as an aside - does anyone else come over all otherwise blush when a young (around my age), very very nice, good-looking surgeon has to rummage around in your bits? blush I suppose I'm happy he's not some grumpy old arsehole without any bedside manner... but <fans self> blush....

So. Abdominal hysterectomy (uterus, cervix and tubes), bladder lift (TVT) and enterocele repair.
I can't keep my uterus. I asked, and he said that he would be willing to try, but given the degree of prolapse and amount of wrongness in my down-below, and that my work is very physical and I'm otherwise very active, the risk of failure is high enough that he wasn't keen on it and I would have to be prepared to be back in 5-10 years for the full deal anyway. Honestly, no thanks... but...

My poor uterus. Please don't laugh at me but I'm already grieving for it. It's done nothing wrong. All it did was grow the most wonderful baby ever, and try its best to get him out, not helped in any way by my cunt of an incompetent midwife and the OB who let me go on pushing for ever and then yanked DS out with forceps. Exploding my bits in the process. I feel like Gollum in "The Hobbit". "Fucking midwife and OB... we hatesssssss it foreverrrrrrrr".

I'm so sad and angry.
Seriously? It's come down to this? I have to give up an organ because of one monumentally fucked up birth?

This shouldn't be happening. I mean, in the grand scheme of things (whatever the fuck that means) it's no big deal - I will be fine, DS is fine, everybody is fucking fine!!!!! - and other things shouldn't happen either, babies shouldn't die, nobody should get cancer, and all of those things are much much worse than what's happening here, I need to keep that in perspective... but dammit, seriously?????

I feel like I should apologize to my poor uterus. It's not my fault, it's not its fault, and we're both crying sad

Sorry to be such a drama-llama. I'm just so upset.

dontlaugh Sun 13-Jan-13 19:32:31

I am so sorry, couldn't read that and not reply.
I think a second opinion would be most advised. Big hugs to you.

badtemperedaldbitch Sun 13-Jan-13 19:36:03

Ahh bless you. I know it's difficult to get your head around it, when things aren't as they should be.

My dd was ivf after 13years of trying, then the minute I produce a beautiful baby they tell me I need a hysterectomy!

I panicked and said no...... Tried everything... Even drugs that aren't legal for women to use.

You just have to get your head around how it's going to be for YOU.

9 years later I've finally agreed to our let them take the ovaries....but I'm keeping everythingelse

You will come to terms with it

DameFanny Sun 13-Jan-13 19:36:35

You're allowed to be upset. However I have no great love for my uterus after what it's put me through over the years so probably not best placed to offer comfort.


MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour Sun 13-Jan-13 19:45:17

I'm sorry jack, that sounds awful

And you are not being at all drama llamary, of course you have a right to be upset

I haven't been through this so I have no useful advice but I have had to come to terms with becoming severely disabled, and one of the best pieces of advice I had was to let myself wallow for a while. To let myself be upset and not try to 'look on the brightside' as I try to do usually, but to set myself a time limit for wallowing and then try to accept things and move on. Of course it's never as simple as that but I did find it really helped allow myself to do that without thinking 'but it could be so much worse'

BumgrapesofWrath Sun 13-Jan-13 19:46:10

Haven't got any personal experience, but I've looked at options for someone else.

Is there any way you can keep your cervix? The reason I ask is I have heard of women having difficulty orgasming after cervix removal.

Jacksmania Sun 13-Jan-13 19:47:06

Well, I certainly won't miss my periods smile

But the rest is hard to deal with.

Re: second opinion - this Dr I was referred to was the second opinion and as upset as I am, I'm satisfied with what I've been told. Between him and my original surgeon I do feel I'm in good hands and understand the reasoning.

I should probably add, I'm not in the UK. I'm on the West Coast of Canada. Our procedures may be different from yours. Rings "not in UK" bell. smile

Natmu Sun 13-Jan-13 19:48:19

I'm normally a bit of a lurker but couldn't read your post and run. I can't imagine what you've been through and how horrendous and angry you must feel about the whole thing. I don't have much useful to say other than the fact that I have a friend who had a hysterectomy when she was in her early 30's and is mentally and physically fine now. Just wanted to offer sympathy. Your wonderful wonderful baby will see you through it all.

Shakey1500 Sun 13-Jan-13 19:48:41

Fucking right you're upset and angry/raging about it all.

I can join you on the horrendous birth/ having baby ripped out of fanjo/4th degree tear/incontinence/4 fucking operations over two years/two years WITHOUT SEX WHATSOEVER/fucked up down-below-ards.

But that's where my journey ends. It was finally "assembled" into a working fanjo. I say working, I mean I can have if we get in the right position sex again. Aesthetically it's car crash material. I'll never wear a tampon again and a cough or a sneeze automatically has me clutching and hoping for the best blush

I'll be frank- did you want more children and feel robbed? For me, I knew I only wanted one and was happy to say "STERILISE ME NOW!" just before my second operation. Just my experience but I could understand if anyone felt they'd like more despite the butchery (because let's face it, that's what it's akin to)

Probably because of not wanting any more kids I'm on the "fuck it, it is what it is" bus and generally plough through it. I don't look at my fanjo anymore, DH doesn't appear too bothered and I'm mostly content.

I understand about your "big scheme of things" BUT this is YOU and you're entitled to feel however the hell you like.

Madsometimes Sun 13-Jan-13 19:49:10

You have every right to be angry and sad about this. You now need to go through major surgery. You will need a long period of convalescence. Part of you needs to be removed, not because of an unforeseen medical condition, but because of a preventable injury.

I really hope that you now make a brilliant recovery, and the op gives you a pain free life. Sorry, I don't know much about gynae stuff, but just wanted to let you know that you are right. What has happened is shite. If I were you, I would be crying too. However, having been through surgery myself which means indirectly no more children, you will get through this. Once you are better, your life will improve immeasurably.

You will climb trees, ride bikes, run, jump and keep up with your ds.

Jacksmania Sun 13-Jan-13 19:49:49

<erk> at difficulty orgasming shock[worry]

mrsfassbender Sun 13-Jan-13 19:51:31

I don't have any advice, just wanted to say you're not being melodramatic or over the top, sounds like you've had a rotten time of it. It is such a shame about your uterus, but focus on the repair and the bladder lift, and how good you will feel after that is all done.

And grin re young doctor

Hugs and all the best to you.

Scout19075 Sun 13-Jan-13 19:51:37

Oh JM. I had a horrible feeling reading the title this was you. I'm away and on phone right now but couldn't not send you ((hugs)).

mrsfassbender Sun 13-Jan-13 19:53:02

I'm not an expert, but I really don't see how a hysterectomy will affect orgasm?!

Jacksmania Sun 13-Jan-13 19:54:55

I was kind of old when I had DS (nearly 39) and our position was "let's start with one and see how it goes". After his birth and all that, neither of us wanted more - even if it had been physically possible (in the sense of not worsening all the problems) I didn't think I could go through it again.

DH had a vasectomy when DS was a 1.5 years old and that's been fine. If he hadn't and if he said to me now "I really want a second child" I think I would recoil in absolute horror at going through it all again.


After the op, there's no more chance ever. Done.

I don't want to be pregnant. But it seems like everyone around me is pregnant, and no-one I know had this kind of problem.

I feel robbed in all kinds of ways. It doesn't even make sense to me.

Jacksmania Sun 13-Jan-13 19:55:35

mrsfassbender grin

Jacksmania Sun 13-Jan-13 19:56:00

Thanks smile

fuckadoodlepoopoo Sun 13-Jan-13 19:58:45

I was left to push for more than 3 hours with both my children and then had intervention. I get stress incontinence and it feels like my insides are coming too far down when i cough. Should probably see the Dr again.

Poor you op. sad Why do they take the cervix and tubes?

Jacks, you are totally and utterly one hundred percent allowed to be angry, crying, frustrated, anything!
Poor uterus sad

Jacksmania Sun 13-Jan-13 20:02:38

Tubes, because it's been shown that a lot of ovarian cancers actually arise in the tubes. So it's one of those "might as well" things. I'm ok with that.

Cervix, because, if you leave it, there is a risk of later vaginal vault prolapse. He explained it quite well, and I have a medical background myself and what he said made sense, but I'm embarrassed to say I'm hazy on the details at the moment. Saw him Weds, and on Thurs went back to other surgeon to have a polyp removed from my cervix which involved a bit of sedation and my brain still feels fuzzy. It's been a heavy medical week.

defineme Sun 13-Jan-13 20:02:57

I had to post because I found your post very impressive. You've had an unreasonably shitty time and you've kept your chin up, now you've got another hurdle and yes you're upset but I can tell you will keep on and you will survive.
Keep letting it all out here. life is so not fair. Dh and I have had our share of this kind of stuff and our motto is 'one foot in front of the other' because sometimes it's all you can do.
The dreamy dr that gave me 3d scans of my poorly womb as part of a research project used to do it very early in the morning as I came in before I went to work: sometimes he was still in the lycra he ran to work in...

Pinot Sun 13-Jan-13 20:07:16

Jacks, I thought this might be you. I'm sorry, lovely.

I think you should go for some counselling. You have every right to feel angry, but I do think you'd be better equipped to deal with coming to terms with the situation of you had help.

You are absolutely not being overly dramatic about this. You've been through a lot and now you need a major, life-changing operation. Crying is the sensible response! Poor uterus, it did it's best.
Surgeon sounds good and the way you are now is clearly not sustainable so I guess you need to go for it but I would gather as much info on here as possible about the best options within the option iyswim. Then go for it, mourn for that part of your life and then try to move on to the next part of your life - where your son has a healthy mum who can bounce on trampolines with him without worrying about her insides dropping out.

tethersend Sun 13-Jan-13 20:10:17

That's awful sad

Have you been offered any counselling?

Is there no chance of taking action against the hospital where you had DS?

PoppyWearer Sun 13-Jan-13 20:12:15

Sympathy Jacksmania, my births have not been as bad as yours sounds, but I have been dealing with a prolapse and the prospect of surgery for the past year or so. Things seem to have improved now but I am awaiting a new appointment to get the final verdict.

I think I will escape a full hysterectomy but a partial one may be on the cards.

Anyway, I am sorry you've had such a long ordeal, it sounds awful.

PoppyWearer Sun 13-Jan-13 20:12:56

Sympathy Jacksmania, my births have not been as bad as yours sounds, but I have been dealing with a prolapse and the prospect of surgery for the past year or so. Things seem to have improved now but I am awaiting a new appointment to get the final verdict.

I think I will escape a full hysterectomy but a partial one may be on the cards.

Anyway, I am sorry you've had such a long ordeal, it sounds awful.

Jacksmania Sun 13-Jan-13 20:21:10

I have had counselling, to get over DS's birth, and I've already contacted my counsellor to get my head around this. (Counselling is private here.)

I made a complaint against my midwife after DS's birth, and against the OB. Neither, unfortunately, went very far. I pursued both as far as I could. The midwife, apparently, remembers me quite well to this day [evil emoticon]. Our professional paths cross occasionally - not in person but through clients we both see. It gives me an evil amount of satisfaction to know that she must cringe when my name comes up.

perspective Sun 13-Jan-13 20:23:15

Really feel for you Jacks. We are all women and our uterus and other bits define us as women. You have a wonderful don and are allowed to grieve for parts of yourself.

If its any consolation my sister had a hysterectomy 10 years ago age 38. It was eventually a relief for her after living with a prolapse for years. She is now one of the most vigorous people I know! Skis, horse rides, gym, you name it. I'm sure you will feel physically much better. For now, grieve, think, process what you need to.

Big hug.

perspective Sun 13-Jan-13 20:24:47

Wonderful ds. Damn phone!

JourneyThroughLife Sun 13-Jan-13 20:30:41

Sorry to hear about your terrible time, sending lots of sympathy. I understand the grieving, especially if you wanted more children.

I have some experience, I had a hysterectomy after my second child; it was easier because I already had the family I wanted. I had everything taken away, it was a big operation and I felt weak afterwards but life did get back to normal. I refused HRT afterwards because I wanted to see how my body reacted first. I'm pleased to say I've never needed HRT and the operation was 10 years ago now.

I had my cervix removed and everything, it didn't (and doesn't) stop me having good sex and plenty of orgasms.

I'd say don't listen to all the scare stories....and there are benefits, like no monthly periods, no monthly stomach cramps, and built-in contraception....)

Jacksmania Sun 13-Jan-13 20:31:17

Thank you to every single one of you thanks for listening and understanding thanks.

Meglet Sun 13-Jan-13 20:33:08

You poor thing and your poor bits sad.

I've had my uterus and cervix out (although that was a precaution against cervical cancer). Still got my ovaries though, so while I don't have periods anymore my hormones are still going strong. They did check my ovaries at the time and they were healthy so no need to whip them out.

The op is fairly heavy going, but IME as it was the first rest I'd had since having DC's it was actually quite nice slowing down for a few weeks.

Jacksmania Sun 13-Jan-13 20:39:12

grin Meglet

Yes, 6 weeks of lazing around and being waited on does sound quite nice smile

Just wish I could get that without having to give up a body part. sad

Why me? sad
Hell, why not me.
But it's an interesting realization that this shit doesn't just happen to other people. Or that we are all, occasionally, "other people".

Shakey1500 Sun 13-Jan-13 20:48:12

I can relate to the "why me" feeling.

I remember, as I dilated 7cm in 40mins absolutely HOWLING in excrutiating pain (honestly I felt like an animal) in a rare moment of clarity amidst the surreal "other wordly" feelings, thinking "Fucking HELL, I knew it would be painful but millions of others have done this and come through the other side, I am SOOOO not going to make it intact. WHY??? WHY ME????"

perplexedpirate Sun 13-Jan-13 20:49:02

Christ almighty, OP, that sounds hellish. Poor, poor you. sad
No advice, but massive un MN <<hug>>.
Hope it all goes as well and as quickly as can be expected and that midwife and doctor get their comeuppance.
winebrewthanks: whichever helps most!

Jacksmania Sun 13-Jan-13 20:54:14

<checks clock>
Hmmm, 12:53 pm...

<grabs wine>


Jacksmania Sun 13-Jan-13 20:55:36


I've been on three Ragged Bits threads now, and have certainly heard worse stories than mine... but fucking hell - so many of us have been through the mill sad

Shakey1500 Sun 13-Jan-13 21:35:29

And ((())) to you also.

<sighs and mind wanders> Funnily enough, I also had two consultants. I only realised after the 3rd operation that the first was an incompetent arsewipe. My lovely second consultant took the time to actually listen to me you know? I begged him to fix me, draw a diagram of my battered nethers to pinpoint exactly where the pain was and I knew this was "last chance saloon".

I was 38 when I fell pregnant by accident. Had never wanted kids really. Knew I'd only have one but bloody hell, after a labour like that there was no way on this earth that I was going through that again. It's a shocker isn't it?? Even on the ward with all the other new mums, looking so content (they probably weren't but they certainly looked more recovered than I!). I was (I believe) in actual shock. Not a clue where I was really or what to do. The midwife asked me had I fed DS. I just shrugged in a kind of "What the hell has that got to do with me?" kind of way. Totally out of it.

I also tried to go down the legal route. Not enough evidence to do anything apparently hmm so I threw in the towel as it was doing me no good.

I really feel for you and know that, in cyber land, you have me GRR-ING on your behalf at the unnecessary injustice of it all thanks

InkleWinkle Sun 13-Jan-13 21:49:56

It's one thing to make a decision, quite another to have that decision made for you.
You are not a drama-llama (may steal that phrase though for further use!) but you will go through and will NEED to properly grieve.
Much love to you.

Jacksmania Sun 13-Jan-13 22:21:32

Feel free to steal, I got it from here smile

I'm so glad I'm not being completely incoherent and ridiculous.
Or, if I am, that you're all putting up with me.

It's good to be able to vent. I was feeling so horrible my chest was hurting. You know, that awful feeling of pressure - like something just has to give.
I still feel that way but not quite so alone.


hellymelly Sun 13-Jan-13 22:36:43

Bloody hell Jacks you have every right to be angry. As others have said, its one thing to need an op because of illness but another entirely to need one due to someone's incompetence. I feel very annoyed on your behalf that you haven't had wads of compensation. If a medic had made a mistake that led to a man's penis being amputated there would I feel, be a rather different reaction. I've had two c-sections, so my bits are intact thus far, but I would be devastated to lose my uterus, even though I am at an age where it will be shutting up shop soon. Why do you need your ovaries taken? A surgical menopause can be rather brutal , although friend's experiences vary wildly.
I hope the surgery itself goes well. Certainly my friends who were suffering a lot of pain and/or problems before, have been much happier post surgery, if that helps. In one case it took a while to get the HRT regime settled but once they had worked out what she could tolerate, she was a different person.

Jacksmania Sun 13-Jan-13 22:40:36

No, the ovaries are going to stay smile
Uterus, tubes and cervix. But ovaries are staying residence thank fuck.

MooseBeTimeForCoffee Sun 13-Jan-13 22:46:25

Oh Jacks sad

I didn't know your back story. Sending big hugs smile

I was 39. I see you've had one wine. Only another 38 to go ...

BluelightsAndSirens Sun 13-Jan-13 22:50:52

jacks my love. I didn't know sad I'm here to hold your hand and google funnies when needed x x

Jacksmania Sun 13-Jan-13 22:52:06

I can definitely use wine and funnies xxx

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Sun 13-Jan-13 23:03:54

Jacks my love, I am so sorry for you and Ute, good old thing that she is! That's shitty shitty news, but you know what, hopefully it will be an end to this nightmare?! You are definitely NOT a drama llama x

LovesBeingWokenEveryNight Sun 13-Jan-13 23:16:56

Thank you for reminding me to do my pfe.

I just got my first hospital appt through for my prolapses. You sound amazing, like you can cope with anything. Hope I am that strong.

Jacksmania Sun 13-Jan-13 23:18:44

Thanks Chipping thanks
Well, yes, this should be the end of the drama <looks on bright side>.

Once I get my head around it.

An acquaintance of mine needed a hysterectomy at age 31 for massive fibroids. She had a "goodbye uterus" party, and had a pinata made to look like a uterus and everyone had a good whack at it grin
I might have to look into that...

... on second thought. No. I'm way too private in RL to do anything like that blush.

I tend to let it out to a few good friends and you nest of lovely vipers smile

Jacksmania Sun 13-Jan-13 23:26:33

I sound amazing? blush How? I've been a sobbing wreck since Wednesday sad
Thank you though [goes on faking it, obviously extremely well]. thanks

Cailleach Sun 13-Jan-13 23:35:59

Both my grannies had only one kid: both were so badly damaged by giving birth to their one and only child that they had to have hysterectomies.

Mind you: paternal granny is only 4'10 and my dad weighed 13 pounds, so perhaps that was always going to happen: but isn't it frustrating that things like this are still happening to women, 60 years later?

As someone with a prolapse, Jacks, I can sympathise. I have been told mine was there pre-birth but has got worse since having twins. However, there's not much they can do for me yet "until it gradually gets worse with age."

So that's something to look forward to then! sad



Jacksmania Sun 13-Jan-13 23:45:33

13 lbs??????????


shock Wow.

You know, I have frequently thought in the last 5 years that now I understand what they're talking about in books or stories or whatever, when they say someone "was never quite the same after giving birth".

"Never quite the same." I'll say.

Jacksmania Mon 14-Jan-13 20:28:05

Ugh. I really need to get a grip.
Apropos of nothing at all, someone at work asked me today how many children I have.
You know where that went, right?
I said I have one.
She said, "oh, that's not enough, you have to have a couple more! At least one!" Why the fuck do people say shit like that????? And I've had an only for five years, and have really never had much of that - some, but not that much - so why now?????

I'm feeling extremely sorry for myself today. "Pulling the duvet over my head and saying screw the world" kind of sorry.

<takes a deep breath>
<attempts to acquire a grip, somehow>
If anyone has one they don't need and can post mr, that would be lovely.
Otherwise I will shortly start drinking heavily and it's 12:27 here so that would be Not Good.

LovesBeingWokenEveryNight Mon 14-Jan-13 20:35:19

Amazing? Definitely, a good attitude and a fab sense of humor! and being great a faking

TackyChristmastreedelivery Mon 14-Jan-13 20:37:08

Oh love.

What a pile of absolute fecking shite you are having to live through right now! It sucks in a big way.

I think you'll find that, for the next little while at least, the whole world is a bitch from hell and everyone in it should feck off. Fair play to you.

If it is any consolation (and it won't be) I had 2 relatively straight forward births and, for obvious reasons, I can't sneeze/jump/move quickly and will ultimately prolapse for sure.

Lucky us.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Mon 14-Jan-13 20:47:39

Oh mate sad I think it's a bit like when you buy a car - you think 'Hmm, Lime Green, no one has one of these in the Lime Green, then when you get it - every fucker has one in Lime Green - in fact it's not that there are more of them this week than last, just that you now notice them, you care. Before you could shrug off the 'how many children do you have - Oh no, you can't have only one' comments because it didn't matter, you could choose to have another if you wanted to - it was a choice, now it's not and it HURTS. I think that even though you were undecided about another, had even really said 'no' to any more children, it was still a possibility, still a choice and I think it hurts like fuck when it's not your choice anymore sad x

Jacksmania Mon 14-Jan-13 20:55:57

I think that's it exactly. No more choice.

Dammit. sad

I hate the world and everyone in it today, except all of you and DS and DH. And my mum. And a few other people, probably.

<kicks something handy>

Jacksmania Mon 14-Jan-13 20:58:56

<reads back>
treedelivery, is that you???? Where have you been?

And lovesbeingwoken, thank you. I don't see the same thing you do, but thank you.
I'm trying to get through this with some semblance of grace, mostly because if I don't, I could easily become unbearable to live with rather than just bloody hard work and DH and DS deserve better.

ozymandiusking Mon 14-Jan-13 21:02:37

If you are having a total hysterectomy, you might as well have your cervix removed at the same time. it would just be one place left as a possible site for cancer, sometime in the future. I am not aware that its removal affects ones ability to orgasam!!!

Almostfifty Mon 14-Jan-13 21:22:16

God, have you been through it girl, what a horrid time you've had.

As regards your uterus, just think of it as an organ that is past it's use. You won't be using it again, and it's causing you hassle, so let them take it and make you better.

I had a full hysterectomy five years ago and I can honestly say (though I had nothing like your problems you poor lass) I have never, ever felt better or more healthy and fit since it.

I really hope this makes your life better and hope your body recovers fully after this.

PariahHairy Mon 14-Jan-13 21:27:05

So sorry for your situation Jacks, does sound very hellish, such a shame you can't sue the bastards angry.

They don't tell you what the consequences of a bad birth can be when you are pg do they?

I remember reading about a lady with a 4th degree tear when I was close to giving birth to my first, I had no idea anything like that could even happen shock.

I ended up with an emcs, think that story made my whole body clamp up, never mind my vag.

Hope you feel better after the surgery though, must take some coming to terms with.

DameSaggarmakersbottomknocker Mon 14-Jan-13 21:29:04

Blimey Jacks. That's a bit shit really. [understatement] I'm not surprised you feel the need to kick something.

<passes more gin>

IamtheZombie Mon 14-Jan-13 21:34:51

Oh, Jack. (((((((((( Zombie Hugs ))))))))))

Zombie has only just seen this. She doesn't know what to say.

Jacksmania Mon 14-Jan-13 21:44:01

<gratefully accepts Zombie hugs>
<and any others>

You know, it's totally ok not knowing what to say. thanks smile

There's a thread going in Feminism about the detrimental effects on women of childbirth and pregnancy. I've lurked a bit, it's fascinating reading. And a big slap in the face for all those wankers who opine that "pregnancy and birth is normal and natural and women do it every day" fuckheads all.
I've been tempted to link my thread on that one, but I don't know if it wouldn't be a bit extreme - what happened to me is definitely not the norm - plus shamelessly self-pitying.

Come to think of it, if anything, I should link the Ragged Bits threads on the one in Feminism. You want detrimental effects? Here ya go. Not for the faint of heart.

<kicks somewhat half-heartedly at desk>
<reaches for [gin] instead>

fengirl1 Mon 14-Jan-13 21:47:10

Hi Jacks, just wanted to say I had a hysterectomy last year at 46. The only thing that made me a little sad was to see follicles in my ovaries on a scan.... I too had prolapses and actually told anyone and everyone about it (although I didn't go into all of my symptoms) as I got into a bit of a crusade about prolapse for a while. I'm happy to say I feel hugely better after my repairs and hysterectomy. I hope you get there too.

cocolepew Mon 14-Jan-13 21:47:46

I sorry jacks, I have read some of your posts before.

After numerous gynae/bladder problems and a couple of operations I had a full hysterectomy in the summer. It was the best thing I could have done. Probably no consolation to you.
Good luck x

Jacksmania Mon 14-Jan-13 21:52:32

No, that does actually help. Positive stories are good!! Thanks to fengirl and anyone else who's had one and told me about it. I'm taking it all in, I really am.
Just sort of wallowing still sad and stuck in feeling angry.
I'm giving myself two more days to really kick things and be mad.
After that I make no promises about relapsing occasionally it's time to get on shakey's "fuck it, it is what it is" bus and get on with it.
Plus counselling of course. I'm not dumb enough to think I can sort this out by myself.

Can I ask what the recovery was like? The real nitty-gritty of the first week or so? That's what's giving me a wibble. Once I can walk again, I know I'll be fine.
Does it hurt a lot?

Eh, never mind me for a moment, I'm just going to hunt down some Kleenex.

Jacksmania, how utterly shit for you. And your uterus.

May I just say that I strongly suspect you will be fine, but the end of it all. You are strong, you have a good head and sense of humour. You will grieve and then find a way to make your peace with the situation you find yourself with.

Yy about the removal of choice being the hardest thing.
My mum was 39 when she had her hysterectomy - she'd had 2 DC, we were in our teens, no way was she planning further children, and yet...

Totally fine to feel v angry about where you are now. And what got you here. Your labour/delivery sounds horrendous.

My only personal experience of surgery is 1 emCS and recovery was absolutely fine, but I don't think that that compares with an abdominal hysterectomy.
You may find it will take you longer than 6 weeks to recover to your full strength though. Pain can be controlled, general weakness and feeling wabbit takes however long it take IYKWIM.

<<hands Jacks a box of Kleenex>>

drjohnsonscat Mon 14-Jan-13 22:29:27

gawd that sounds awful. Honestly I take my hat off to you and all women who go through all this utter crap to bring the world babies. Why is the world not currently giving you and all the other women like you a standing ovation/gold medal/massive hug/large cheque?

You are not being dramatic. You should be able to give birth and remain more or less intact, not ripped to shreds on a permanent basis. Horrible that this happened to you but I salute you and your uterus for all you have done and congratulate you for having what seems to me to be a really good attitude to it. You are entitled to quite a bit of foot stamping after all that.

QOD Mon 14-Jan-13 22:41:09

People suck, someone asked me the other day if I had a coil, I said no, she said pill? I said no, she said well what the fuck do you use then? You don't make dh wear jackets do you?

I said no dear, I'm infertile

Twats grin

I'm sorry about your op, thank crap it's not for issues that will continue to affect your health, no nasties, damaged cack you need to get OUT to improve your quality of life x

Jacksmania Mon 14-Jan-13 23:05:02

Oh QOD, I am just PMSL at your post grin through tears but god, that was funny!!

Drjohnsonscat - thank you blush

Honestly, I think I'll be ok, too. Eventually. Just right now I feel like shit. And I'm usually big on sucking it in but thus is too big and keeping it all in doesn't feel healthy somehow.

Thanks for the hand-holding and gin and grins.

It all helps.

Jacksmania Mon 14-Jan-13 23:05:50

thus --> this

QOD Mon 14-Jan-13 23:09:14

She did feel bad which I kind of enjoyed

Happy to help ;)

Jacksmania Tue 15-Jan-13 02:48:47

Well deserved grin

So, in contrast to the orgy of self-pity, on an evening like this when I'm just one big draggy ache, maybe this isn't going to be so bad.


Meh sad

LovesBeingWokenEveryNight Tue 15-Jan-13 06:08:07

In a while, yes you probably will look back and be glad you had it done, as soon else said maybe even the best thing you've ever done.

Nothing wrong with grieving in the meantime.

It is such an extreme exprience of what can go wrong at and after birth so I'm not surprise you feel like that. You will have good days and bads days. On e this is done the bad days should be minimal x

swisscottage Tue 15-Jan-13 12:50:28

I sympathise with you as I have been through the exact operation three years ago. I had a pretty bad uterine/vaginal prolapse due to a difficult birth, also cystocele and rectocele. I was perimenopausal when they mentioned they had to take my uterus out, (apparently it is in the way to perform the TVT and repairs), I did feel it was all so "final" and I felt quite upset that there would be no more babies. This was ridiculous as I was probably incapable of getting pregnant at this stage!!! I think it is totally normal to feel like you do, but years on, I am so relieved that I went through the operation as everything is like "new" down there!!! I had my cervix removed too and no problem there smile

swisscottage Tue 15-Jan-13 12:55:46

Oh yes, just seen that you asked about recovery - I had it all done vaginally and apparently they blow in a huge amount of air into your abdomen to help the process - nobody medically warned me that this hurts a hell of a lot afterwards - I needed pethidine for the first day or two. I went home after four nights and every day afterwards felt stronger and stronger. I felt a a bit tired for six weeks or so but got back to normal relatively quickly. It really wasn't horrendous at all. I think you mentioned that you were having it abdominally so recovery will be longer.

Jacksmania Tue 15-Jan-13 14:46:24

<oh> <eek> <ouch> at all that air in the abdomen shock

Yes, abdominal for me. Maybe it will be just like having a C-section? And I can just get on with it after a week or so? [hopeful]

Schnullerbacke Tue 15-Jan-13 15:12:17

Hi Jacksmania,

I know how you are feeling and you are absolutely entitled to feel gutted. I'm in the same boat I suppose. Haven't had my prolapse checked as such, when I briefly talked to the doctor about it he mentioned a hysterectomy and I just burst into tears. Its not like having your tonsils out or a wart removed, its our womb. He was so blase about it, I could have kicked his face in.

I'm trying to work up the courage to go to doc to find out how bad things are, I suspect its not gonna be good news. I'm 37 this year, I don't want to have more kids but I want to keep my bits. As others have said, one does come to terms with it but I cannot face it.

I don't know what else to say but you are not alone! Big hugs.

higgle Tue 15-Jan-13 15:33:34

Jacksmania - you have had the most dreadful time with your bits and pieces being rent assunder by medical incompetence, of course you can feel very angry indeed. I just wanted to post because despite all your anger and dismay you come across as someone with great fortitude and (yes, it does show through) a sense of wry humour. It is all horrid, but somehow I'm sure you will come out the other side with a better quality of life. Sometimes the god of small mercies smiles on us when everything goes wrong, I think he has sent yu this lovely surgeon!

l4k Tue 15-Jan-13 16:01:47

Hi Jacks, we have met a few times on the ragged bits threads, ( my name was a bit longer originally !) so I couldn't read this and not comment.
It felt shocking and a bit like bereavement when they told me I had to have a hysterectomy to repair my prolapses (3) properly.
I cried in car parks, in bed in my utility room and anywhere else I happened to think about it. It wasn't about wanting more children, I have 4 and never wanted more. I was about 35 when the first gyne told me, I even booked the op for 6 months later but cancelled it. I went for 3 more opinions and eventually got my head round it. I then searched for an expert to get on with it. I had a hysterectomy ( vaginal taking cervix and leaving ovaries) , repair of large cystocele and moderate rectocele and perenium rebuild last winter and it went well. Not as much pain as expected and if I hadn't got an infection I'd have been dancing about after 6 weeks.
The thing is, how the hell did I live like that for so long? I was in daily pain and monthly agony and I just put up with it. I actually had got used to it
Another thing, at the age of 38 I got a reasonable sex life back. Before the op sex didn't hurt, because I Couldnt Bloody Feel anything. !!!! you are you

l4k Tue 15-Jan-13 19:11:09

I'm sorry, had unexpected visitors so just posted what I'd written, which was sooo long, sorry!!
Anyway, the happy ending is that I'm glad I had it. It's been over a year and it is normal now. In a good way. You will get past this , I'm sure.
Take care.

Shakey1500 Tue 15-Jan-13 19:49:42

Jacks You can hop on my "Fuck it" bus anytime, admission is free wink Hope you don't mind but it will be hippy-esque type of affair, CD's will be vetted in advance grin

Seriously though, I think you're attitude is great and will help you lots, even if it's masking an entitled sense of despair and finality.

Funnily enough, I was thinking at the beginning of the thread about a "farewell uterus" party, but wasn't sure whether to suggest it, but now another poster has, then it's the sort of thing I would do as well (how mad does that sound???)

I'm thinking of you.

As an aside, a cringey, fanjo related incident occurred at my work today. Because my nethers are so deformed, (TMI ALERT) if I'm sitting down and squeeze a fart out, it sometimes "bubbles" up to the (ahem) clitorial area and kind of rests there. It's a bugger because I never quite know when it's going to emerge. As it happens, it decided to stutter out (and trust me, it was a LONG stutter) as I walked to the tea room. I sounded like a fucking horse trotting down the corridor grin blush

I decided to mentally ring the "fuck it" bell on the "fuck it bus" smile

Jacksmania Tue 15-Jan-13 21:04:04

Does your bus have wine and [gin], shakey? grin If so, I'm in.

And thank you for that story, I just had a belly laugh over it (sorry) and was still wheezing with laughter while on the phone waiting for a client to answer. I'm sure she wondered why I sounded so breathless grin

<waves at 14k>
Hello, fellow Raggedy smile and thank you for telling me about your op.

Shakey1500 Tue 15-Jan-13 21:38:50

It has every available alcoholic beverage known to woman/man/beast. And a variety of snacks. And tissues grin

Jacksmania Tue 15-Jan-13 22:42:20

Oh, tissues! Well then, I'm definitely in grin

Not feeling so sad today.
Thanks thanks to all of you.

Thumbwitch Wed 16-Jan-13 00:12:35

Ah JM, I knew this would be your thread. ((((((((HUGS)))))))) for you, my lovely.

It's not at all surprising that you feel devastated about losing your uterus - it's one of the uniquely female parts we have, and even when it's no longer useful, it can still feel like losing an aspect of your femininity to lose it. And as you say, it removes your choice of ever possibly considering maybe perhaps having another baby, even though you really don't want to.

But it's become a bit of a deadweight (literally!) in your bod, and needs to go now to allow the rest of you to function better again.

As for twats who interfere in your family set up angry, at least you'll have the perfect comeback for the next one - and you can watch them squirm, like QOD could.

Have more wine and possibly a brew and some thanks because you are lovely and having a rough time.

Jacksmania Wed 16-Jan-13 18:43:18

Thanks thanks Thumb.

Told another friend yesterday and had a good sob on her shoulder. She was great - stamped her foot right along with me saying it's not fair!!!!!!
Strangely, I feel a lot better today smile

I do wish I had a firm surgical date though. The uncertainty of "any time this year with a month's notice" is hard.

Sugarice Wed 16-Jan-13 19:35:49

Hi Jacks, sorry to read what a horrendous time you've had.

I'll stick my two pennies in if you don't mind.

I had a total Hysterectomy with BSO 8 weeks ago due to severe Endometriosis, ovarian cysts which were growing bigger and had a raised ca125 level probably caused by the Endo. I had never had any pain at all and was wary of having the surgery as my quality of life wasn't affected and it was such extensive surgery, it was all done abdominally.

It was the best decision I have ever made, I feel fantastic and have recovered so much more quickly than I would ever have imagined.

I was first offered the surgery with only 5 days notice back in Mid October which I turned down out of sheer panic shock then had a few weeks notice when I was recalled in Mid November.

Good luck and don't panic when you get the letter with a date.

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