Mumsnet Talk

Shiny new thread

oh well spotted gig ! - lugs over the Concorde wine and advocaat...

Ooh, do we have sticky carpets?

Of course and a jukebox that hasn't been changed since 1993.

Oh, new thread. I can offer some Diamond White . Tell me I'm not the only one who may have drank a few in the day?

glad you got the aveeno sorted mas and that is lovely about the vouchers.

I received a voucher as well which I am absolutely over the moon about. I am so touched that I was nominated. TBH because I don't really venture into Mumsnet land I knew nothing about it but can I say a huge, huge thank you to whichever one of you nominated me (I know it is one of you because I don't really post on any other threads). Thank you so, so much.

Will have a look later at your photo gigs. At the end of the day it is whatever you feel comfortable with and to pot with anyone else.

Ducks in lugging Thunderbird with her .
Gets loud and Bolshy .
Throws up on Gracie

And also to add that my lovely next door neighbour is likely to be joining us .
She just had a second mammogram and core biopsies taken today .
Surgeon has told her to be prepared as she is thinking its DCIS

Poor neighbour- but will budge up in shelter for her.
Anyone fancy some buck fast wine?

poor neighbour - have you warned her about us topsy ?
gracie you deserve a treat

Aw poor neighbour topsy.

mas are you owning up?

Tutting at Gracie and her Diamond White. <Walks to the other end of the shelter with her Cinzano & Coke>

Yes, poor neighbour, Topsy. When does she get the results? Am guessing very soon.

Wow, a new thread, and a new royal baby to celebrate. Hi, all!

Results apt is next Wednesday for her . I have helpfully told her she is just jealous of me ...

smee I'll swap you a Diamond White for a Cinzano. I love Cinzano and lemonade.

<staggers in belching, throws peanuts at mouth misses completely, falls down>

evening all, like the new thread, we can't be 31 already surely?

topsy, your poor neighbour, we'll keep a space warm on the sofa for her if she has to join us.

Hope everyone is Ok today, haven't been in much today and I'm just off for a bath, but wanted to pop in and say hello xx

Is there room for me? As I went to uni in a port I had access to wine so cheap and disgusting it wasn't worth putting on a lorry out of the docks so I can offer Sordid Lopez and Choix de Roi, with added anti freeze, in case it is cold in the bus shelter. I can also raid DDs student flat drinks collection, the Scot's Mac, 25% whisky 75% fine English wine, looks particularly vomit inducing ...........

Topsy Sorry about your neighbour. One of my friend's had DCIS and had four lumpectomy's, it would recur every year or so until she finally resigned herself to mastectomy. DCIS isn't always a lesser evil in terms of treatment should you need to offer comfort if it is what the Consultant wants to prepare her for. At Dad's party there were five women who had had BC, including a MIL and DIL. But then there were 50, so 25 ish women, with an oldish skew of ages so thems probably the statistics

Gracie You are right, gangnam style is definitely not for those of us not in serious dance training, I seem only to be able to walk gangnam style now.

Ned KKs advice is so wise and accurate. A couple of my friends really struggled in the first months after treatment stopped. I also think that it isn't just the medical support that starts to evaporate after the treatment finishes, all but the most supportive friends tend to think that now the heroics are over everything goes back to normal. Except that is actually when it hits you. I wish I had had the opportunity of Counselling because I am not sure if I have ever dealt with my deepest feelings about it all properly. And who doesn't worry about a new job with new things to learn?

MAS Your Dad's birthday in May? That should give lots of opportunities to do nice things outside? What a lovely bit of serendippitty to find Ravillious from the year of his birth.

gigs I am a great fan of the short do, apart from comfort, you have the fun of compiling lists of the things people say when they have complimented you on your hairdo and you reply "Oh it is great, why don't you try it?" I am afraid this was an evil game devised by my informal support group....

But as everyone says, whatever you are comfortable with.

<swings in with Jack Daniels and ginger ale> any room for me on the bench?

I feel better for having made the decision to talk to doc about it tomorrow. Everyone keeps saying "oh it's so great you're all clear, now you can move on with your life. . " I would love to, but don't know how. I just have this lurking feeling in the back of my mind, or when I'm sitting down, or when I wake in the night and I hate it. Will stop wallowing soon, I promise. . .

Have got stinky sore throat and cough too - hoping will be better for choir concert on Saturday.

gigs your hair looks very sophisticated and Sinead o'connor ish. If you feel. Comfortable with it, then go for it! Might take a hat too though - it's bloody chilly with not much hair!

topsy we will welcome your neighbour with open arms, although with sadness that she needs to join us.

Must drag DS from the computer and feed him breakfast. Shopping for final wedding outfit bits with DM today, so will swing by later and tell you how skint I am what lovely things I have bought

OK you lot - budge up ! I am topsy's neighbour and in need of a bit of support. I see she has told you that the surgeon/and radiologist are almost sure I have DCIS in a fairly large area of my fairly large right booby and are recommending mastectomy.

I have to say I am a bit shocked ! I went for a voluntary mammogram at the Action Cancer charity (this is my second 2 yearly mammo) and they saw changes and referred me to Breast Clinic - I had 2 further mammograms and about 8 samples taken with vacuum assisted biopsy (having your boob hanging through a hole in a table whilst trying to lie flat on your front and stay perfectly still for half an hour is tricky isn't it ?) and then back to see the Dr who has said that if she is wrong about the DCIS next Wednesday when the results are back that she will be delighted. So here I am, playing a waiting game but fully expecting a mastectomy - I am sure I will have lots of questions and hope you don't mind me gatecrashing.

topsy and I have been through a lot since her diagnosis (carrying her sick bucket was one of the highlights!!!) and I am glad that I have been through it with her and know more what to expect. Look forward to getting to know you all although I still can't quite believe I am here !

welcome hernextdoor - very sorry that you have to be of course, but we can promise lots of support and encouragement and fbs from the trolley,plus revolting teenage drinks. The vacuum thing sounds a bit eek-I just had a core biopsy,no dangling through a hole.
Well done ned for seeking help from the doc- moving on is so difficult and other don;t understand that you can't just put things behind you so easily after a cancer diagnosis- it's not like a broken leg.
Exciting about wedding preps- I wonder if bride's dress is like I drew it ?
Keep warm and get throat better for singing.
Am off to look for cheese for my bookgroup cheeseboard -very exciting-cheese is one of my favourite things.

Hi hernextdoor - did topsy make you carry the bucket for chemo or just from one of her nights out? Horrid time though waiting on tests so lots of sympathy .

mas I got obsessed with cheese on chemo so enjoy your shopping.

Am still in my pyjamas as mini gig was playing about (actually shouting about ) during the night . Being tired and then seeing story about someone with sarcoma set me off on brief depression this morning . Therapy has helped me a lot to understand and process this ned so I do recommend it ( I am going to go out soon to get some coffee from swanky new place in town and will make mince pies later).

Also copthall. (And kurri) I need your help. Am about to sign up for open university module on classics. Am wavering though so need some push to do it. I like it as its flexible and gets me back into studying even if not all of course as I would like (some bits of modules repeat my degree ) - also my therapist thinks I should so it via a " proper uni" (bit mean here) which doesn't suit me as well as open uni course does. Need to register by Thursday.

Make me do it.

Right ought to get on now .

And am going to brave the hair but will hunt out a hat tomorrow when am meant to finish my Xmas shopping

do it gig !!!!
I saw the piece I think you meant (in the Times ?) about Cruse.
Am playing one of my Christmas playlists....

Thanks for the welcome MAS and also gigondas I sort of feel like I know some of you already as topsy and I have chatted over the odd glass of lemonade ... ahem.

As for carrying the bucket on one of her nights out ..... a lot of them are with me so we have a bucket each !

arf !

<dashes in and shoves people along a bit>

'Afternoon all. Nice shiny new thread - just the thing!

Hi NextDoor! Welcome! You may have heard of some of us from Tipsy Topsy. I can assure you that it's all true.

Ask anything. We might know the odd answer. My answers tend to be very odd indeed, now I think about it

*amber8 is our stats queen hernextdoor

amber tsk

Shuffling in to say hi to Hernextdoor. Not good that you're here, but there's strength in numbers. I had loads of DCIS and had a mastectomy (diagnosed March 2010). Ask anything you want and I'll try and remember.

Gig did you say 'finish your Christmas shopping'?! <feints>
What's the classics course then? Sounds intriguing.

Ned, I still feel like that some days! Don't mean to worry you, and it has got a lot easier, but I don't think you ever really learn how to cope with it all. Onwards is the way, but wobbling most definitely allowed, so stop apologising.

Speaking of wobbles, I just ducked into a Gap on way home from a meeting to try on a stripy top (MAS will understand!) and saw some skin changes on my breast. Eek... have googled and it's post rads damage and v.common apparently, burst blood vessels has a fancy name, but already can't remember it. I have an appt with surgeon next week, so she can reassure me that Dr Google's correct.

Arf at tipsy - yep nearly finished smee as did loads of it via Internet . Also dsc want vouchers so not hard. Plus I loathe shops (hangover from job just off Oxford street upwards ago). Horrid shock about Skin (but gap do have lovely stripy tops and if wait they are always doing online offers)- the best thing about rads on your arse is you can't see it!

Yep that was the piece mas- cruse are amazing as helped me get over my sons death but the type and place of cancer too close too bone (god knows why I am moaning as it is so unusual to see it). That said it doesn't mean his story is my story iykwim.

And yes course is interesting as covers all aspects of classics (literate history and culture) and is stepping stone for masters or phd.

am sure it'll just be rads damage smee - did you buy stripy top ?
tipsy

Smee, I second the thoughts about the rads damage.
Gigs, classics course sounds v interesting indeed, especially having just been out to various classical places to have a hungover stagger about sensible historical discussion.
Open Uni also has the best teaching and satisfaction mark of any of them, if I recall.

PS yes, I do know useful and surprisingly cheerful statistics for all occasions, especially now we know that even much secondary cancer has an 80% chance of a good outcome with the latest doings.

Good afternoon, Can I ask ....Has anyone had reconstruction surgery at the same time as mastectomy ? Just looking for pros and cons ??

Amber I am one of your greatest fans and your facebook friend .... Lisa H... topsy united us !

<peers over her pince nez> So you are!
I didn't know I had fans, though. "Horrified onlookers" normally sums it up

Well well!

Gigs DO IT NOW! [arm twisting emoticon] I cannot tell you how much this studying has kept me sane the last nine years , it opens up a new world. I actually went back to work part time when my girls were about the same age as yours and though I had loved the five years I had taken off with them and I hadn't missed work in the least, when I did get back I really loved being good and competent at something and being challenged intellectually (not that DD didn't always challenge me intellectually, and in every other way) . Uni is even better for that.

I see what your therapist means about being a part of a mainstream uni, I do love being part of the institution and the face to face interaction and debate. However I think with online forums etc the distance learning options are very good and certainly a really low risk way of getting back into study (On my first MA module there were a lot of 20 year olds who were reluctant to get involved in debate and coming from a work background where I had done a lot of facilitation I felt obliged to pitch in out of sympathy for the poor tutor, so my rustiness was made blindingly obvious and I had to endure lots of withering glances being cast between the alpha girls. However we still meet up, I am much valued now that careers and babies have come along, so that taught them!) Going over old ground may be a big confidence booster. Also can you not at MA level as with U/G level, use your module credits against the various sorts of courses, distance, physical, mix of both, at other continuing education institutions such as Birkbeck and Oxford, where you might be able to fit the physical course around your life? I would not really have liked to do my MA at a mainstream uni when I had younger children because of the lack of flexibility (and my institution at least is back in the dark ages as far as flexibility around childcare is concerned, essays and diss all due at end of holidays etc. )

Birkbeck is across the concrete from the academic world's answer to Kowloon, or possibly at the moment Gaza , and a wonderful place. In my area Julia Lovell is there, and she is lovely, recommend all her books, which make it on to mainsteam shelves in bookshops.

How was the new coffee shop, just had a cheeze souffle from the new Cook place, I knew it would be a disaster when the instructions said that the extent it would rise would be in the hand of the "soufflé gods" and once again they proved absent in my kitchen, still nice enough and better than the usual ready meals.

HerNextDoor Welcome in, we could do with that sick bucket, what with all the throwing up that goes on in here and the smell of stale wee. If you saw my comment below a friend had annual DCIS traumas and lumpectomys for five years and was very relieved to get a mastectomy in the end. We have lots of experience

smee Sounds like friend's rads damage. On my good boob I can display age damage, including red blobby things and the beginnings of old lady's freckly cleavage, which had me reaching for Dr Google, so you don't even need to have had radiotherapy .....

HerNextDoor I actually only have one friend who didn't do reconstruction at the same time as Mastectomy, apart from those of us who haven't had reconstruction at all. From my point of view I had a pretty horrible prognosis and I felt I had to take one battle at a time, and have never felt that another big operation was worth it. Friends who did both at once have never regretted it. Just one friend girded her loins to have it done later, a couple of years later in the end. All my friends had the big reconstruction though, the flap from the tummy moved to the breast which is a big operation. Obviously implants would be less of a big thing, but have their own drawbacks.

hello all.

Welcome HerNextDoorAt21 (can I call you HND? ) sorry you find yourself here with us (even sorrier you find yourself living next door to a reprobate - I imagine you are trying to move?<ducks topsy's flying cake> ) waiting is very horrid, and seems to take for ever, but it sounds as if you are getting mentally prepared for it being DCIS, and a mastectomy. Like lots of others on here, I had a mastectomy, so if it comes to that ask any questions you like - nothing off limits, we do all kind of booby chat on here! - will try my best to answer. Meanwhile stick around, sit yourself down on the sofa and have a cuppa and a big old wodge of cake

Ned - more hugs, we have all had those four o'clock in the morning wobbles, and they are no fun at all. It does get better gradually with time and distance from DX, but paranoia will always rear its ugly head occasionally, I hope Dr Lovely can help you out, talking it all through, even just saying it out loud, can really help. meantime massive smooches and hugs sweetie. I have sent HW on - stupidly I had a mental block and couldn't remember your surname - so have just put your first name on the parcel - so when a parcel that looks as if its from a crazy woman arrives, you'll know what it is

Gig - OU is really good fun, - I made lots of good friends on it, and everyone is very supportive of each other - there are all sorts of online groups as well as actual groups where you can get together and discuss the work. Its very structured IME, and if you can organize your time round the littlies as best you can, then very doable - a couple of hours studying a day, I would say - maybe a little more (I am quite a slow reader and writer of essays - others seemed much speedier than me), you learn to make the most of odd half hours here and there.

So go on, you'll love it - I felt such a sense of achievement when I did my
courses.

And stay away from stories in papers - they are always depressing, (you can read The People's Friend if you are good, - it is safe reading, although racy in parts)

And apologies - I will sort out the chestnut recipe tonight and Pm you, - I've been v. disorganized this week.

Waving to Smee, topsy, MAS amber, gracie and anyone else I missed, love you all madly.

Had a foul driving lesson today - instructor said 'have you thought about trying an automatic' and 'you don't want to be here still having lessons in a year do you?' I am good at gear changing <stamps up and down>

The People's Friend is racy?! <rushes off to buy her copy>

PS - I drive an automatic and they are absolutely fantastic. Why I spent all those years with a manual car I have No Idea At All. Just saying...

OOOOh I don't mind HND at all KK !!! Makes me sound all intelligent like !

Thankscopthallresident for your welcome and your info on reconstruction etc. I think, if I can, I would like to have it all done at once to get it over and done with. I have two boys, one aged 9 who has an ASD and more needs than your typical child and then a 4 year old boy who is just a four year old - I think one major surgery would suit me better. Like topsy I am English but have lived in Beflast for 12 years and have very little family support here to help with the aftermath of surgery and also have a DH who doesn't drive !!! thankfully I will have topsy to distract me by feeding me coffee and making me watch TV lend a hand.

OK, final outfit for DBs wedding decided on. . .
this top with some grey trousers and black boots.

Quite pleasingly, I have dropped a dress size too! Well, in Marks and Spencer at least, but its a start Got some jeans, some cords and some fleecy Pj bottoms that my mum bought for me.

kurri will look forward to DVD parcel. And I refuse to accept that you are a crazy woman. Sounds like your driving instructor needs linching though. It could be arranged . . .

arf @ booby chat!

Welcome hernextdoor but sorry too that you have to be here. Pull up a seat, grab something from the trolley and ask away. I didn't have a mastectomy so can't help on that one, but we can probably answer most questions between us!

smee good you've got an appointment to get Dr Google's diagnosis confirmed. Sure its nothing to worry about.

gig OU course sounds great - go for it!

MAS haven't heard anything about DSIL-to-be's dress - will let you know!

Waves to all I have missed - love you all x x x x x

ooh that's a clever thing ned - you'll look very smart in that I reckon -and well done on dropping a dress size too.
otm has posted on previous thread so have directed her to new one.
Am really tired today and I feel as though I've done very little.

Cafe is v nice copthall . Thanks for advice and push everyone-the flexibility (ESP as may well do some part time work if well
Enough) is what I liked. Who knows what can do next (optimistic hat on now ).

On subject of seasonal lunacy, is it me or are there a lot of threads about drunken misdemeanours on at the moment? no I don't mean you tipsy or your drinking partner hnd

otm if you are lurking- much love to you and the end is in sight.

HerNextDoor Yes that is the thing with this b****r Cancer, it's such an attention seeker, it doesn't understand that there are more important things in your life that need you or you want to be getting on with I think you are right, although it is a big operation and you spend some time in high dependency, so that they can make sure all the micro plumbing is working OK, in terms of actual time and your ability to get on with your life, doing it together is going to take less time, and toll, than two operations. Plus there is the risk you will never get around to the second. I don't regret my decision not to do it at the time because of the circumstances, even recovering from a Mastectomy and the effect on my blood counts delayed my chemo, but I do regret the circumstances weren't such that I did it all at once.

Mind, it may all still be OK? I am a great believer that it is not worth worrying about until it actually happens, a technique I have almost perfected

I know a little of your life in NI. My best and closest and most gorgeous friend in the world is an English woman in NI (see what I did there, English Man in New York? Never mind ) I love going there to her rural idyll, beautiful beaches, mountains and all the singing and poetry and she loves coming here for the London exhibitions and culture and general buzz, but nothing makes up for her not being next door, we both miss having such like minds close by, as well as the hugs and support (and getting the world sorted over a few bottles glasses of Champagne/ Prosecco/ Cremant d' Alsace/ Cava / Asti / Lambrusco (delete according to venue, guess which we are having in the Bus Shelter )

Morning all, marks place. Bit early for drinking, will be back later. Hello hnd sorry to hear you had to join us. Must be interesting livimg next to topsy !

? Better night with mini gig and it is snowing (a bit) here today.

gigs Really? (Puts glasses on) Oh yes, a bit. If mimigigs gave you a break doubtless you slept through the police helicopter circling Twickenham for half an hour at 1am? It doesn't end though, big DD kept me up with essay crisis, she was really flagging yesterday, but with heroic mother long distance willing and coaching submitted it at 12.00 deadline on the dot, and then needed 1 hour talk down. She never let me stick my nose in when she was at school but she has three essays to write in the last three weeks of term, all counting to her degree, more than her History and English studying flatmates, and she is a Scientist so it is not her thing, and it is on top of a 35 hour week of tutorials, labs, lectures etc. plus a couple of practicals. Apart from Dad's birthday she has been in total essay purdah the last month. And I thought I was waving her off to uni, thinking over to her now............. Interesting essay though, would have loved to write it

Morning all Enjoy the snow!

hello everybody sorry i have been absent for a long time - been having very rough time with chemo - had 9 now and 3 left - so have had no energy for anything except absolute essentials. barely touched laptop and updated via facebook on phone just for family and friends on chemo day.

but had to come on to say thank you to my secret MN santa so wanted to pass on my good wishes to you all. lots of love and hope all is going at the very least ok. i know it is ending for me - active treatment - but even that seems scary!

(thanks MAS)

Hi all. I am after some advice and hand holding.
I had breast cancer a long time ago I was 27. I had small limp in rt breast lumpectomy and radio and chemo.
I later went on to have preventative double mastectomy.
I saw the geneticist who offered to test but also said if negative slightly irrelevant cos the young age I had it predispositions me to further cancer anyway.
I have a paternal history which was two of my dads half sisters. They don't share the same dad who's mother had ovarian cancer.
I have 2 dds so would like to know though.
I am now 45 and have annual scan and bloods for ovarian risk.
I am considering an ovranectomy which dr is happy to do but I'm struggling with making that decision.
I'm vain and am worried about weight gain hairy chin and wrinkles (superficial I know)
Had anyone had this who can reassure me?
Also should I get the testing now despite my young onset being a factor anyway?
Just had another slightly raised ca125 and am sick of worrying.

Thanks again for your lovely welcome everyone. cop thanks for your long reply about the surgery. I too am a great believer in not worrying about things until they happen so we'll see.

Lambrusco for the bus stop I would think cop I'll bring along some of my DSS (17 yo stepson) "2 leet of Strongbow" ... a flipping "2 leet" , can't the young kids say "bottle" or "two litres" ??

As for living next to topsy we do have some very intersting times .... not sure how much she would like to embarrass herself ??? She is not posting becasue she ooviously can't be arsed to go and get DSS' laptop from upstairs as the MN app is not working on her phone ... either that or she is blinded from the ferocity of luminiscence from her landing strip Christmas lights

welcome ledkr - I have a friend who had an oopherectomy last yr,she's not on mumsnet but on facebook tamoxifen page,if that might be any help. So far she hasn't got a hairy chin or anything untoward. Can link you up with her if you like.
Sorry to be brief- am just dashing by having done some work,dh home and wants to go out to lunch- am not complaining.
Love hearing about tipsy from hernextdoor - saw her Christmas illuminations on fb

Repeating this ! just saw the new thread. I'd gone to the old one !

Thanks kurri and copthall. I'm getting worried again. I had transvaginal us and my gynae reckons I have a polyp, probably tamoxifen induced. I'm having it removed and they'll also biopsy a sample of uterine lining. She did however think all looked normal apart from the prescence of the polyp. Obviously at the back of my mind is the thought of endometrial cancer; the odds are in my favour but then I thought the same while being tested for bc in the first place.

Ledkr, no wise advice on that, but saying a hello anyway

Roca, fingers crossed that it will be nothing rudely behaved.

all round, I think. <staggers back from the glow of Christmas lights at Topsy's>

Thanks amber . I've just cheered myself up by buying some stuff from Space NK. And hello ledkr. I had an ooph at 46 and my chin is fine . I recovered very quickly and I've no regrets.

<waving at old pals>

<well, not old, old would be cheeky coming from me, but ykwim >

roca just wanted to say: have had polyp in womb, which bled a bit, and then fell off before they could even remove it - whilst I was under GA, naughty thing. They are very common, even without Tamoxifen - and FWIW even in the unlikely event that you did have uterine cancer, I know a gynae who always says she has NEVER had a patient die of endometrial cancer. Its hugely treatable, unless left for ages and ages, which clearly wouldn't happen with you because you are bound to be careful after BC. I know several women who've had hysterectomies because of UC, and they are all fit and well years later

HTH a teeny bit...probably not as much as NK stuff...

Nipping on quickly to say hello to ledkr and hnd.

WAs wondering what the bright light was over Belfast, must be topsy decorations .

Nipped out this morning to do a homecheck for a greyhound being rehomed and got back to discover my lovely new rug which I bought yesterday had been chewed by my stupid mutt. He is now in the 'dog house' . Black labrador going cheap.

Hopefully nip back later as I really need to catch up on all your posts.

I'll have your dog gracie !
I had a polyp discovered during a smear when I was much younger- I've blanked it out as they were very matter of fact about it and yanked it out there and then-I was left a bit traumatised.
Lovely lunch out at nice local bistro- I had a spicy parsnip soup and homemade bread then salt and pepper calamari -dh had something yummily seasonal for his main course-chicken wrpped in pancetta with a hare stuffing and winter roasted veg and a cranberry reduction (v Mastercheffy) and we had a big bowl of their amazingly lovely frites -yum yum.

ledkr weight gain? hairy chin? and wrinkles? Well I don't think it would be at all superficial if you had to worry that being thrown into menopause would turn you into a huge hairy wrinkled old hag overnight I haven't had my ovaries removed but I did experience something they quaintly call "chemical castration" i.e. chemo stopped play 11 years ago when I was 43. Of course all those things can come with age, depending on your genes, and in my case greediness, but I really don't think I'm that far ahead of my peers. Actually quite a few of them had menopause around 45 anyway. And since my periods made my life a misery there were upsides, I actually felt better at first. Of course it has all gone a bit downhill since but it would anyway, wouldn't it? If it helps stop you worrying on the health front that will probably be less wrinkles?

roci Had polyps removed when I was 30, when having surgery for Cervical Cancer in situ, so all the hormones must have been already aligned but it hasn't changed into anything nasty in the decades since....

gigs peeks out from deep cover, at risk of unmasking my guilty Mumsnet habit secret, did we just get sat next to each other in a certain Italian restaurant? If it was you, you look great!

Hi all thanks for welcome and advice.
Roca I've had polyp too prob from tamoxifen it stopped all my symptoms immediately (bleeding)
I have an appointment Friday to discuss testing so ill decide then?
Was the op painfull and how long were you out of action as I have a 22 month old

Thanks Elibean, ledkr and Copthall. More reassurance; how wonderful !
I don't remember any post op pain ledkr. Mine was done by keyhole; at my hospital they had a policy that if you had an am theatre slot you'd go home same day. Mine was 3pm so they kept me overnight, but tbh by 8pm I was fine, walking (ok shuffling) a bit, and eating/drinking normally. Next day I was perfectly ok, a bit tender but no more than that. Gynae warned me I would probably feel very tired for a fortnight, so I took it easy for a few days and probably had a couple of afternoon naps but after that I felt 100% back to normal and don't remember any fatigue. I'd had a 'chemopause' but bloods were showing not fully post menopausal hence the decision. I had a spell of worsening hot flushes etc but that's all settled now. I still get them but they're more infrequent.

Goodness, that bright light in the west must be topsy's lights. Did Gig and Copthall really accidentally meet in a place in sarf London? Amazing! and London's so big innit.

Hello, everyone! I've been silent of late, but lurking around regularly. Really tired, quite flat and defeated by my ongoing problems, bladdy, bladdy bla. And lappy had to go into the laptop hospital - all better now. Steam driven PC in room with no heating - a BIg disincentive in this weather. So not online much really. Good to see you are all still keeping going, and producing laughs too. All that can be expected really.

V excited to read of Gig's study plans - my DH did classics (he reads Latin and Greek mostly on the loo these days). I'd say, if you want to do it, go for it, girl! I can see the attraction in your circs of OU rather than conventional uni - easier to fit round your young family, fatigue, ongoing hospitaly stuff. I've done OU stuff in the past - very good support online.

I hope Ned is okay. ? seeing nice GP today.

I had a CT scan today and thought of you lot! <Potted history: my last scan showed a dodgy node and they wanted a closer look before doing a liver biopsy (supposed to be this month too - but no date as yet - yawn, yawn, I like to know these things so I can write in triplicate on my calendar). Node almost certainly due to all the autoimmune activity. I don't have cancer (as far as I know - will know more shortly, ho hum), but various autoimmune problems - main problem with liver and bile ducts just now>.

Anyway, I giggled and thought of you lot when I had the 'peeing ma breeks' sensation as they injected the dye, as it's been mentioned here on several occasions (yes, those who don't know me, I am scottish and I throw in the odd expression to keep you all on your toes).

So, hugs and best wishes to you all, esp the newcomers to the thread and those having a hard time.

waves to baskets !! oh yes,the weeing sensation

Hello. MAS! I've been reading your posts and you are often in my thoughts (not just when i think I'm peeing myself!). I had another MN-induced giggle a few weeks ago when having blood taken - after the thread on Chat about the location of Alaska and Hawaii, I went to the surgery and the HCA had a map of the world on her wall. They must all think i'm nuts .....

Hi Baskets, Hello everyone - I'd love to do a bit of Latin again. I did have a look at the online Cambridge Latin course a couple of years ago - thought the technology was great...
Cooking tea so shouldn't be on the pooter ;) Jolly cold here, no snow as yet but very icy roads and it took me an hour and a half to get to work this morning Working from home tomorrow

Hello, jchoc. V cold here too. More snow tonight, so glad to have nowhere to go out to tomorrow. Was a bit worried about ds2 going out on ice in morning, but he tells me it'sa sponsored silence - I think the not talking will be some challenge for him [smiled]. ds has minor mobility problems and falls easily.

emoticon failure! dear me!

Evening all

saw lovely doc today - have been told I've got reactive depression. oh and a chest infection too, but that's beside the point. have been put in touch with local mental health service about counselling but they can't see me until mid January and then only a telephone assessment. Dr Lovely coming to see me at home on Monday so we can have a bit longer to chat and going to ask nice practice nurse to see me again as well. Would prefer to talk to them rather than some anonymous counsellor anyway. Feeling a bit overwhelmed, but doc has increased my ADs so hoping will help. Am possibly going in to school tomorrow, so hoping being a bit pro active will help me feel better too.

Thanks for all your ongoing love and support everyone - it means such a lot to me x x x

Waves to baskets sorry you are having a rough time. Hopefully CT will be reassuring.

Hugs to ned

It is so very cold here, think I will head to bed with a hot water bottle.

ned how lovely Dr Lovely is- and talking to practice nurse will be good. What about bcn ? I guess I really lucked out with mine - both are exceptionally good and I would be lost without my particular one.
love to gracie baskets and jane

Well I am still getting bumped off the mumsnet app , most miffed by this !
So have had to resort to the mobile site .
Sigh !

My illuminations are indeed stunning this year .
HND is just jealous as she can't keep up with me ...

Nothing new with me .
Now have "crochet hand"
My fingers are locked into a permanent claw as I have crocheted 3 hats and 2 willy warmers (don't ask !) since Saturday

Her next door I had recon at same time as mastectomy. All very good ta good for me psychologically as never needed to see a totally flat chest iykwim?
My non cancer one could go topless but the one that had cancer is a bit hard and nipple very flat but they look very good in clothes.
I was a 32a before so a great improvement for me.

Can I ask - am suffering a bit with tummy problems- I think diarrhoea (sorry- am squeamish about mentioning bottomly stuff) Would 4+ bouts of this throughout the day mean i should tell the chemo nurses ?

MAS I would, it means you are not getting full nutrition, and there may be things they can do to help with the rest of the treatment.

baskets I am not sure I was sat next to gigs it's just we are in the same suburb, so small town really and someone was on table next to friend and I who we both have enough insight to know was just post treatment/chemo (though it was by no means obvious unless you have been there, got the badge, IYSWIM). However I do hope gigs isn't a) feeling stalked b) feeling slighted c) thinking OMG I would never want anything to do with women like that d) was actually miles away and thinking I'm bonkers... Who ever it was was with DH (or lover for all I know) and we were there for a bit of bus shelter chat, and friend is private not prone like me to flinging prosthesis across room, so not appropriate for me in tactless prosthesis throwing mode to say Hi, are you gigs, oo look everybody it's Cancer corner disturbing nice private moments and risking possibly looking demented to everyone in the vicinity (and also mixing Mumsnet with real life).

Yes, CT scans, not fun.

Neds I want a Dr Lovely, not Dr there's a lot of it about, hospitals deal with that. I support someone who is bipolar (on a epic scale) and I am afraid that is a quick and positive response from the mental health service. Dr Lovely sounds so lovely though I think you are right about talking to her.

Topsy I think I am about to get "knitting hands" having worn Killing jumper (as we established worn in Scandinavian drama, not for actual killing) at parents and Mum having said " I love your jumper" * 10, then told all her friends at Dad's party about jumper, then asked me how long it took to make jumper. I can take a hint but these things take me months and I have 20 days, I'll probably give her the one I made earlier...... So willy warmers? I am asking?

copthall don't think it was me as I Picked yesterday to brave Oxford st amongst other things (visit to dietician and therapist) but interesting to know another chemo type locally so I don't have to feel too conspicuous.

ned am glad dr lovely helped but seems long time to wait so hope practice nurse and dr can help as well as ad.

mas echo what copthall says - but (sorry if tmi) looser movements and bout 3 times per day was normal when I was on chemo (I think more than 3 counts as diarrhoea).

baskets I was just wondering how you were- hope scan Etc shows something practical that helps you (ifykwim).

Back later as have to do kids' breakfast . Oh and signed up for open university course - starts feb!

mm, took my anti-diarrhoeal stuff - hope am ok for tonight's book group party- have also gone off my beloved green tea because it tastes weird..

Try white tea- I like stuff from rare tea company . It's less strong on caffeine and the antioxidants in it help chemo work better.

Morning all! Hope the weather is kind to you. Got to get up now but putting it off.
Ned, a day in School may be just what you need, could be scary going back, I found it daunting, but it was amazing how quickly I got back into the groove.
Woodburner day today

gigs So it was d) Sorry put two and two together and made five but yes there is someone about who is young and still wearing a wig but perhaps the lesbian look is about to take off in Twickers? . It was also that whoever did keep looking sideways, as if wondering what I was wondering, but then we were talking bus shelter things, some of the time.

Oxford Street? Now? That is brave, or mad. Had to go and get passport on Monday and wait four hours for it to be ready, took one look at Knightsbridge and fled to the library ... Getting the passport was a trial. Fierce scary lady in passport office marked my form and photos a FAIL three times, and then made me stand there repeatedly filling in the signature bit until it was INSIDE THE LINES, and even said "Now take a deep breath and write slowly". I would have felt that treating me like I was in Reception was due to my chemo brain, given once upon a time that signature was perfectly acceptable on very important letters and £14m contracts and things, except she was doing it to everybody. Young glam city banker behind me was as much of a fail as I was!! But we needed the passports and couldn't shout, so we formed a support group ...

Do sign. February is so dismal.

MAS I hope things slow down. Have you tried making the tea really weak? Chinese style.

Well done gigs on enrolling with OU. I would love to have the brains to do something like that alas I feel even more stupid since chemo (that is my excuse and I'm sticking to it).

mas have you tried the green tea with lemon, very refreshing. Btw the greyhound you 'liked' on FB last night was the one I homechecked for. He is off to a fab home with a lurcher and terrier. Hope your bowel problems ease up.

The mutt has gone to the vet for his booster shots and grooming. I have to pick him up soon so he is bound to be huffing so dear knows what he will chew when I go out to do the school run.

he was lovely gracie I can't cope with any tea with lemon since I was given lemon tea once and had to throw it in a flower bed- strange as I like tea and I like lemons

I live on peppermint tea Mas
Drink gallons of the stuff !

One of Santas robins just had the nerve to briefly land in my back garden
Pig/Dog has gone postal at it .
And telling Pig/Dog that Santa won't bring him any presents if he is mean to the robin isn't shutting him up ...

Afternoon all Found the laptop topsy ? You will all have to forgive me for my sporadic appearances. I work full time and spend most of the rest of my life running around after the kids etc.

Thanks to everyone for their experiences regarding reconstruction etc. I think like you ledkr, I would prefer the non flat chest look if I could possibly get away with it ... will have to see what they say next week.

I had a very wobbly day yesterday, a pity party and a "oh why meeeeeeeeeee" day but feeling a bit more chirpy today and have had to get on with life seeing the clinical psych for my ASD DS and his conitnuing soiling problems and now just about to head off to the dentist with my 4yo DS.

Although I am (and will continue to be) eternally grateful to topsy for being there for my constant ear bending, over wine, gin, bacardi, meths coffee I have requested counselling through my GP which will hopefully be progressed quickly (by my good friend who it the GP's practice nurse who has siad she will try and bump me to the top of the list ) to help me with the months ahead and just my mad life as a parent to 2 wee children and 3 older (and very bloody challenging) stepkids. I only came off ADs two weeks ago and think I should maybe go back on those too .... see what next week brings.

It is interesting for me to be reading and getting to know you all a bit better.

I was just thinking, Copthall, couldn't you do your friend Just a Scandanavian-style willy warmer instead of a whole sweater? I've heard Topsy has a pattern .... <happy to see topsy is taking the homemade Christmas pressie idea very seriously - isn't kurri doing homemade stuff this year too?!>

Good to hear Gig has signed up for OU. I always wanted to do Latin Higher (Scottish, similar to AS) - did a crash O grade late 1970s, but when i met DH, and realised he was the most pedantic man on earth and a Classisist to boot, I knew I'd never get peace to make my own mistakes. Ho hum. There's always plenty of other stuff to learn.

Sorry MAS having gut problems - hope meds help and you feel much better and enjoy book evening.

Ned, so pleased you are getting help for your depression. It's horrid, but so understandable after the awful year you've just had. Hope the day in school was good, and not too stressful. You know you shouldn't feel bad or guilty if you need a bit longer off till all the emotional stuff sorted some more. Also, you won't get instant results frm your upped ADs - you probably know that already, but lots of ppl don't so I thought I'd mention it.

Anyway, must get out for walk before dark - had a quiet day inside. A few bits to get at shops. DH doing music with ds. it's noisy! Love to all. xx

Sometimes I leave the tea out completely and drink hot water. My friend squeezes an orange over hers. Hot ribena was always a treat, too. Not surprising that you had a wobble hnd, I have a history of spectacular wobbles myself. Fresh air and exercise help, usually.
Supposed to be working so back to it. Have new woodburner, but can't light it until tomorrow

Willy Warmer Crocheting is for my lovely bil .
He has (mercilessly) taken the Mickey out of me since I took up knitting and crocheting . He thinks I am a Very Old Lady !
So I have crocheted him a micro one and a maxi one , and he can take his pick !!!

I still have wobbles eighteen yrs later . Currently I am freaking about pain in wrist and foot which of course could be nothing else but cancer.
Got go tomorrow to discuss raised ca125 and ask for referral for my oof.
What the hell eh ill just have to embrace the menopause

topsy have you got a pattern?

Baskets I think my 79 year old mother would be a bit taken aback by a willy warmer, Dad might be quite flattered by the maxi though They were quite a randy pair when I was younger. I once came back with friends from a night aged 17 and they were at it on the sheepskin rug in the front of the fire, oh the horror and shame.... My friends have been in awe ever since!

At your parents being goers copt

hernextdoor I think counselling is an excellent idea (see a therapist myself and it does help). Also feel
Your pain about big step kids.

topsy you are not shaming me enough to pick my knittjng back up and I really should.

baskets I fear how rusty I will be on this course and that I will have a picky tutor.

jchoc is your woodburner warm? A friend has one and I am

ned hugs and - I still have wobbles so I can only hope you get some help soon. I don't think christmas helps as the air of jollity can make it seem worse if you aren't havjng best time. Also a year on is a massive dip according to my dm.

mas how is the Xmas playlist and how are boys exams?

Waves to amber smee and anyone I have missed- fresh baked mince pies for fbs if anyone keen.

copt I'd have died of embarrassment !!!!
hello gig T seems to be coping ok with the exams- drama and maths today...
Christmas playlist all done and sounding good !

Our sons caught us 'at it' a few years ago, on the hall carpet. And, no, nobody was wearing a Santa hat. I still cringe and laugh in equal measure when i think about it. The boys had all gone out to the library, first time EVER they'd all been out without one of us - they came back early cos the boy who falls had fallen. By then we'd retired behind a bedroom door - and I am deaf so didn't hear the boys returning - luckily DH warned me, but they did overhear some 'talk'. DS1 did give his father a bit of a smirk later, but nothing else was said. It's funny what teenagers think about 'the oldies' having a sex life, though TBH i was a bit of an innocent and I never gave my parents' sex life a thought as a teen. However, my dad was very keen to tell me about his vasectomy - in a shopping centre no less - I was in my late 30s by then. He was recommending it for DH after ds4 was born. Since I was born in 1961 and he had it done soon after, it seems he/my dad was in the 'vasectomy vanguard' which i've always thought was quite funny as I didn't think my parents were 'ahead' in much else.

Gig, you will have a lovely supportive OU tutor. Does the course not start with the basics? I did look a few years ago, mainly cos I thought it might be interesting to DH who is nearing retirement. It will come back to you when you get started. I think it's a lovely thing to be doing (I did a degree in modern languages when i left school, before I did nursing - i know, I know - still very much like the process of language learning ....).

I think you are right about all this 'festive jollity', Gig. I am on the point of pulling out of a group meal with friends from uni. I can't face it - the others all have careers and good health - and it's a major schlep to a town south of Glasgow. Maybe a bit silly to withdraw socially but i can't face it really at mo.

Well, I wonder if I should knit willy warmers times 5 for Christmas. i wonder what my menfolk would think .... (I have a DH and 4 sons - aged 22 down to 14. Dh is 66 - I don't think anyone's ever done him a willy warmer before - must check). mmm, lots to ponder. Much better than liver disease and cancer .....

The above should read NEARLY on hall carpet. For what it's worth. I don't think nearly being caught has quite the kudos of really being caught ITA. Oh well.

Hee hee, can we order willy warmers for our other halves then? There could be a decent business opportunity here

'evening all! Coughing away thanks to usual winter-ish virus thingies so trying to be sensible (ha ha ha), but nurse happy with my blood pressure today so that's one thing that's still working.

Boob pain. If I do a lot of walking etc my boob hurts. I guess it's the nerve damage from the lumpectomy etc. Do I need a sports bra or something? Any thoughts?? Very annoying.

Hi, amber. Why don't you try a sports bra and see if it helps? I wear a sports bra when out for long walks, as get uncomfortable - no breast surgery for me but I do have large breasts - if I think anything more strenuous than walking will take place I used to run a bit), i wear what i call 'extra scaffolding' which is a sports top from M and S with 'support' built in. With said sports bra.

Good about your BP. Is that still fallout from Herceptin? Hope your winter lurgy clears soon.

On Herceptin it was totally out of control even on two different maximum bp tablets. It's now back in normal range on just one. Phew. Will try bra.

Hi HerNextDoor (Higher National Diploma) and LedKR

Led - you asked about genetics testing. Its definantly worth it. I'm waiting for results from genetic testing at the moment. However, they can only tell you whether you have one of the two known genetics genes. They can't tell you whether you have a bc gene that has not be identified as yet.

Morning all! Time for a and porridge.

baskets !! that's v funny and love your tale of your dad's vasectomy
MIL has described how FIL used to have to wash and reuse olden day condoms
Get better soon amber -and sports bra sounds a good idea for walks
Had a very nice time with ex book group- lovely party snacks irresistable so am full of yummy things and some nice wine.
Hair trim and a few foils in my hair for festive sprucing today

gigs I was rusty at first but then I was one of only two not straight from a U/G course or, worse, the stint at Beijing Normal. OU will be much more attuned to facilitating people back into study. I was soon holding my own with all the 20 something's and I ended up doing better. It counts for a lot that you are there because you really want to learn as opposed to have something else on your CV.

As to picky tutors Academics don't survive these days without excellent feedback from their students, that student satisfaction score is too important in the league tables. OU wouldn't do so well on that if it had picky tutors. All my tutors were/are really encouraging, even the world renown Professor. In Continuing Ed it is all the more important that they are encouraging so it will be "positive parenting".

I am sure you are really going to enjoy it.

Been away for a day or two whizzing round the country for work, and so much to read..!

ledkr, I've had genetic testing. They found a gene anomaly, though it wasn't the recognised two, though on a watch list apparently. Was all v.interesting. Also have had no periods since chemo (June 2010) and am 46 now. Will find out next week whether am through menopause or not, as they took bloods at last appt to check. I tried to think of it all as a positive as my cancer was so hormone positive.

roca, I'd echo what Elibean says (waving to her ), as when I had a scare recently I was told Endo is usually highly treatable. Still a worry though, I know I was terrified. On the raised ca125, I asked my team why they don't do regular bloods and they said because they're unreliable, so yield a lot of false positives which stress patients out unnecessarily. I know that won't stop you worrying, but maybe it's vaguely reassuring.

Ned, Dr Lovely does sound incredibly lovely. Hope they can get you onto a level soon. Is DS excited about Christmas? I'd bet he's about to go pop.

HND, I had implants straight away after mastectomy, but was told they wouldn't do any other form of reconstruction as I was having Rads and it can damage the skin. If you end up having rads, am guessing they might say similar. Sounds like you need black out blinds to soften the glare from Topsy's display.

MAS, how's your tummy today? Hope it's calmed. Did you call the team to ask about it?

Gig, mighty impressed by OU course. I yearn to do something similar and nearly got myself to Birkbeck open day in November, but have too much work atm. I'm thinking Autumn 2013 might be the time..

Haven't time to join in the discussion on parental sex or willy warmers, though it's good to see the tone's at it's normal level! Waving to Amber, Baskets, Kurri, Sometimes, Copthall and anyone else out there I've missed.

Hello all - quick dash in to say I'm thinking of you and hope all is well - I haven't had time to read through posts properly, so many apologies, but am sending random love and hugs to all. Have been out lot this week - doing the art activities with children thing I'm involved in - great fun, but tiring, the kids seem to be really enjoying it though so all good.

ned - so glad Dr Lovely is coming to see you at home for a proper long chat, depression is so horrible, and the sooner they can help you start feeling yourself again, the better. The emotional stuff is so hard to deal with - i found it so much harder than the physical things - losing my hair, losing my boob - walk in the park compared to the stuff going on in my head. (I know this isn't the same for everyone but it was in my case). I've been on AD's since DX and went through a period of having them increased to a much higher dose,
Bad patches come and go, and you somehow have to try to get through them, and I'm really pleased the medics are being so good and offering you lots of stuff to help. (I'm down to a pretty low dose of AD's now - so there is light at the end of the tunnel, but it does take time) loads of love darling - you know I am thinking of you XX

Roca - just wanted to quickly say I had polyps in my late 30's - eventually had a hysterectomy, but that's not necessary in most cases - don't panic! - they did cause loads of bleeding, I think you need to be reassured that they are common things to get whether or not you've had cancer, and even more common if you are having any kind of hormonal treatment (I think mine were connected with the pill I was on at the time), its good that your gynae thinks everything looks normal otherwise, - she wouldn't say that if she wasn't pretty confident that all is good. try not to worry

must sign off - I have to go out again soon - more sticky, glittery kids to herd - my God kids love to use a lot of glitter !!

love to all - nice to see you Elibean - and ledkr, love to everyone, hugs to OTM (nearly there lovely, you will get there )

Will be back to my usual state of indolence next week, so I will post properly then xx

Oh yes meant to say I am going down the totally home made route for Christmas this year - knitting and crocheting on an industrial scale going on chez Kurri - its been so nice not to battle my way round the shops, we have also made some sweets (tablet - yum!) to give to everyone, I am making home made crackers (with home made jokes!) as well. Only things I have bought apart from wool, are some charity shop books so everyone has something to read over Christmas. I can definitely recommend the cheapo Christmas - it's very liberating.

Afternoon all

Yesterday was a better day - went in to school and spent the day with my class. They are really lovely - some real characters but it was really nice to be able to watch them work and spend some time with them. Now just need to get my head around the planning. . .

Also a better day, as I weighed myself for the first time in ages and I have lost a stone in total since October. Not masses, but definite progress.

Thanks everyone for kind words - have had a little cry reading all your messages, but in a good kind of way.

kurri got the DVDs! Thank you so much (and gig too for loaning them out ) DH is away two nights next week, so I am having a HW-fest in his absence. Being my toyboy a bit younger than me and knowing his family, I can't see that it was ever something they would have watched!

Am in awe of homemade Christmas - you will be looking like this by Christmas Eve! DS and I managed to make some Christmas decorations from a kit for DBs wedding - he has asked everyone to bring a tree decoration for the tree in the venue, but I think they need more gluing. Santa's trousers are looking decidly loose . . .

smee welcome back, my love. Hope you had a productive time away. DS is very disgruntled that he has to still go to school now that he's started his Advent calendars. Surely it must be Christmas?

ledkr I have had genetic testing for other things, not BC - my DS has a genetic disorder and I am a carrier, and I think knowledge is power.

Must think about assembling some football kit for DS and getting off to school. Can't think he's going to want to play football in this wind. That's what I am hoping anyway.

Lots of love and hugs to all - you are all amazing x x x x x x

well done ned on weight loss and for having a good day with your class Am sure you'\ll be feeling tip top once things get underway.
smee didn't ring the chemo nurses as the tummy stuff seemed to work yesterday-hands not so good though and feet are peeling like very peely things. Last tablets this evening,then a week's rest. Will tell onc everything though when I go.
Had a fringe cut today- haven't had one as such for ages- now need to get used to it !!

MAS, good that it's the last tablet then. Maybe things will settle soon. Horrid to have the feet peeling like that though. Do you put Aveeno on them too? Is fringe cut bold and daring, or blunt and brutal. Hope the former!

Ned, your class sound sweet, though am sure it will be hard work. Yr1 seem so tiny to me now. My DS looks like a teenager next to them. Losing a stone is masses! Don't lose it too quickly, now will you. <stern>

Have just had an almighty pillow fight with DS and ripped a pillowcase. He is still laughing..

just back from Christmas planning with parents (and a gin and tonic)
I put aqueous on my feet -seems quite good but am sure Aveeno will do as well.
Fringe is I hope the former !

smee As my mother says "you are far too giddy with them" (tries stern ex headteacher - yes it was a deputy Head having it off on the rug, it was like Last Tango in Halifax!- look but totally fails)

MAS at least that is one more nearly done. This chemo does seem to be having quite a load of side effects. It is an endurance test isn't it? I am sure it will be "chemonurse" to the rescue (to the tune of "Wonder woman") Actually "chemonurse" might respond even quicker to a scary blunt and brutal fringe!! Bet it isn't though, and a great excuse for more indulgent trips to hairdressers.

Ned It's always a bit day at a time, glad today was good. I'm sure once you are with those 6 year olds the world will seem a brighter place.

Well done ned with the weight loss. A stone is really good. Glad you like your new class.

mas hopefully your week off will allow your hands and feet to repair themselves a little before your next one. Sorry I have forgotten how many are you having? Thank you for my Christmas email, Celeste is looking very festive

Have just booked tickets to take DD to see santa. I am so excited.

Yea ned for going into school and losing a stone - well done.

kk In awe of home made Christmas. I have done bits before, made hats one year and several years made rum truffles and marzipan fruits, but I can't see that I have planned any spare time this year

I have an interview for the job I applied for Heck, I need to do some cpd before the end of December and do some prep for this <rusty emoticon>

The woodburner is great - allowed to have a tiny fire today but tomorrow we can have a big fire but we have to let it out and leave the door ajar overnight - something to do with curing the paintwork...

Too much junk in the house - Dh accidentally let his Mum's house - so all our stuff that was there and her furniture has to move pronto. Aargh!

How did your dh "accidentally" let a house jchoc and I had serious of your wood burner.

ned glad you had a good day- and completely agree with kurri that for me the emotional fallout is worse than the physical. All I can say is it isn't just you and you have to take it a day or even in case of bad days a minute or hour at a time.

Hw (and other tv ) was a good form of escape when I felt rubbish.

masanother one down . Sorry about feet though- keep slathering the cream on. And hope gin helped.

smee hope you have a restful weekend.

gracie what are you going to ask Fc for?

Got busy day sorting out christening for tomorrow - got to collect cake, girls' dresses then take girls to pottery cafe after it was postponed. Hd lovely afternoon shopping and getting nails done with my dsis yesterday. Also got my pre course reading on kindle - dh keeps saying "shouldn't you be studying" when I am on Mn.

Can't sleep so making huge effort to catch up with everyone and I'm noticing a trend in here to which we should probably alert the medial researchers: people with cancer have DHs who are classicists!!!! who'd have thought it? My DH is one and it looks like there's some sort of link...

apart from that madness there is also a knitting/crochet link though maybe only people on chemo have the time to knit/crochet.

although it is entirely possible that so much chemo has simply addled my brain

For otm . What about becoming obsessed with odd tv when on chemo- hw, scandy crime (tho I think topsy and others like crime tv and books anyway).

Morning! Time for a quick before parkrun.
Dh was at mil's house doing some repairs when one of the neighbours grown up children (currently renting elsewhere) asked and he said yes. Had discussed renting it out as dmil can't leave her mum and hasn't been able to use it as she would like.
Hope your busy day goes smoothly, gig.
Aargh must dash!

HW? am totally tv obssessed and had a stern talking to from BT about the amount of streaming we do (its all me though, i confess). have seen the entirety of greys anatomy, brothers and sisters, flashforward and am now starting House which seemed to have passed me by completely. With DH watching scandi crime which we seem to love even though I hate snow and cold weather in general. Also when awake and not totally doolally I watch foreign films with him which he understand in the VO but I have to be able to read the sub titles.

just switched ISP to talktalk and have got the youview box which is proving fun - i can catch up with all TV I miss! hurray, t has box sets on it which will stop me from being told off by talktalk for streaming too much... for gigs and me

is it christening today gig ? hope it is lovely - don't forget to post pictures of you all in your dresses
No tablets h today,hooray !! As far as i know this regime is continuous -until it doesn't work really...am sure they can hone the dosage to a tolerable level..

OTM HW is Howards Way. gig sent DVDs to kurri and she sent them on to me. Could send it on to you once I've watched if you like? PM me your address if you fancy a watch and I'll post them on. (if you're happy for your DVDs to carry on travelling, gig ?!)

gig hope today goes brilliantly for you and your girls. Am sure you'll have a lovely day. Lots of pics please! You're right about taking things one day at a time - that's what I am trying to do. Once I have stopped coughing and I can sleep properly again, I think that will help too.

MAS good news on no tablets today! Hope those pesky feet don't hold you up too much.

jchoc good luck with the park run. Its gorgeous sunshine where we are, so hope you've got some sun too. It makes the whole experience more enjoyable, I imagine? Hope you post a good time today x x

smee hope you can have a peaceful weekend after all your gallivanting this week. Feet up and on maybe?

Got my choir concert tonight - aaargh! Hoping coughing has not made my singing too croaky!

Waves to kurri, gracie, copthall, topsy, HND and anyone else lurking.

Have a lovely day all x x x x x x x x x

Yes am more than happy for the DVDs to travel and will circulate the next ones kurri when I get them
Back from dm.

Christening is actually tomorrow- just picked up the cake and it looks amazing. Lots of photos to follow.

loads of luck to ned for tonight !! you'll be fab xxxx

Nipping in to wish Ned's voice a bit of clarity. Am I wrong in thinking a nice glug of might help.

Gigs, you'll definitely need tomorrow. Hope the relatives behave and you have a lovely time.

Good luck for to ought Ned
You will be fab !

And Gigs , deep breaths and plenty of wine and you will get through tomorrow .
Don't forget plenty of tissues and lots of pics for us please !

I have a living room full of Christmas lights and lit candles (including my lovely morrocan tea light holder from a lovely board member !)
My fire is lit , and I am drinking my fave wine (which just happened to be half price in Tesco today)
Think I might just feel a little Christmassy today .

Went shopping with DD today .
She conned me out of 2 pairs of coloured jeans , 3 long sleeved t shirts ,1 pair of jogging bottoms , and a bizarre jumper !
She's very happy !

DS needed jeans as he keeps growing .
Went round all the shops , and he finally allowed us to buy him 1 pair !
He is sooooo damn fussy !

Take away night tonight .
Chinese or Indian ?

Ofcourse that should have said "tonight" Ned
Damn auto correct !

chinese !!
we're having some chicken wrapped in bacon thing- then am off to paaaaarty !! sans dh as he is feeling under the weather - shall have to be brave and go alone. Won't be out late as am too feeble and tired. Decorations all up and looking v festive- just holly from the garden to arrange and my front door thing to do

My friend (with the same surname as you and who lives in a neighbouring village to you !) collects Old Mans Beard every Christmas to use as decorations .
I think that's lovely .

I wanted Chinese but DH was craving Indian . And as he is in shock from spending so much money on the DC today , I thought I'd let him have his way ...

Chinese, obviously!!! We are having one of my Ducks which I have spent the last 3 days attacking with the hairdryer, vats of boiling water and marinating in various ointments and spices. It's now roasting. Candles also lit, including now burning all my lovely Shanghai Tang and Chinese dragon candles because two weeks from now I will be replacing them

I was resisting the decorating until big DD comes home, just did some tasteful pots for the garden today but then just had a walk through the town centre with goon dog and I am feeling quite festive, so front garden is not going to be tasteful for very long.......

Topsy Empathise with shopping with teenagers but actually I mean [frazzled], especially the search for the illusive perfect jeans, at least you do not have Oxford Street Top Shop where you go and sit in EAT with all the other mothers whilst they come back parading a variety of unsuitable items and nothing they actually need, whilst you say No, next, No, next No and then finally trug around all three floors finding suitable compromises.... Occasionally a 8ft supermodel trails past you just to complete the feeling of being dowdy and past it (Rachel whatsit Rod Stewarts ex, once but she did have terrible spots, I may have only one boob but I have no spots!) DD went out earlier in my boots because we still haven't compromised on anything suitable.....

MAS Have a lovely party

Gigs Have a lovely party tooo. Sending positive vibes over the rooftops, and putting Valium in the water supply to calm rellys (it's probably time we tranquilised all the parents whose poor DCs are doing the Jan selective exams anyway )

Ned I'm with Smee for clear and gorgeous singing. Do you get to do your sob story A la X Factor? "Ned has spent the week battling illness but pulls off a sensational performance" All members of choir give you a standing ovation???

topsy - which village ?
Ok, best tidy myself- feel a bit nauseous but have dosed myself with dom perignon and loperimide - will get my prosecco from the fridge and go forth...

She is just outside Farnham Mas , she is a potter so with a little googling , you will find her !

You have such class , preparing for a night out with Dom !
What a woman !!!

Copthall I had to spend 3 hours with 13 year old , heavily sighing DS , going round all the shops that were "just wrong" ...
Even the t shirts he likes have to be ordered from America .
I suppose I should be grateful he doesn't want me to fight my way round Hollister ...

Guess ned is buzzing after her concert
had a nice run this morning then a whiz to the bank to transfer money to dd1 and home via mils house piling a load in the car. Hot bath and sandwich and then party time with Aunty. V civilised singing with music for health man who goes in every other week and is the highlight of the week according to Aunty. Nice food, no as driving and a jolly time had by all. held in the common room of a converted cinema which is now extra care apartments - v nice. Good to see the snow on the moors as we drove over the tops to get there - and glad the roads were clear. One year I would like a ride on the Santa special steam train - saw them as we drove past.
+ve vibes for the christening tomorrow gig
mas hope you are enjoying your night out

I know I'm late to this but hope neds concert went well. I'm sure you were fine.

Good luck tomorrow gigs. Have a fab day. Look forward to seeing some photos.

copthall yum duck sounds lovely. Any for the trolley??

mas hope you are having a fine night out.

DD was one of the leads in the GB nativity this morning which was lovely followed by DS1 school report arriving. Let us just say DH said he will speak to him about it when he calms down!

Morning all

Thanks for good wishes and clear voice vibes - they worked! Solo bits weren't until the start of the second half so had a good warm up in the first half and went for it, and I think I pulled it off! Lots of nice comments anyway and have been asked to sing it again at another local church carol service next weekend. The conductor seemed really pleased. Rest of concert went really well - packed hall, so a really nice atmosphere. Made me feel a little bit Christmassy!

And I slept better too

Getting christmas tree today and decs up. DS very excited!

Hope everyone has lovely plans for this chilly Sunday x x x.

oh well done ned !! you are a star !
Party was v nice - found my friends so wasn't cast adrift - drank a couple of glassses of prosecco - they had made their kitchen and dining room extension into a dance floor with lights and an ultra violet light and provided those security pens which show up in the ultraviolet -so lots of things written on the downstairs lav door and ourselves - I drew next door neighbour's Movember moustache back on him and various very rude things were written on bare backs and arms....home by 11.30- only 4 doors away...

Hi all,

The teenage shopping trips sound a nightmare! Fortunately, my very-nearly-13 year old isn't into named fashion brands and is fairly easy. However, he has always been tall, but has had a huge growth spurt this year and is well and truly into men's clothing. Expensive!

Can I ask a quick qu re tamoxifen? I feel fat ths morning. Is that due to not watching what I eat ( due to winter, Christmas, lack of exercise etc) or the tablets? I've been taking them for two months now. ( that means its two months since finishing radiotherapy. Wow - time flies quickly). How quickly ES any wight gain occur, and by how much? Thanks.

Hi

Choice of Duck sandwiches or pancakes for the trolley....

Invicta I definitely acquired a spare tyre on Tamoxifen, the weight went on around my middle rather than anywhere else, another friend had exactly the same side effect. The rest of me was still chemo thin, at first anyway. Can't remember how quickly it happened. Geeky consultant just had the helpful advice that I should eat less and exercise.............. Thinking about it, 5 years post Tamoxifen the fat is now more evenly dispersed, as well as more copious.

Topsy Yes, DH meltdown always follows teenage shopping trips, trouble is I put them off so long the cards get indigestibly loaded all at once. I am also thankful my daughters have never been ones for clothes from those dark smelly caves populated by emaciated size zeros and topless boys with six packs, possibly because their size 10s are labelled size HUGE. There's a Gilly Hicks in the local shopping mall now and I feel quite sorry for the poor lads trying to look cool between muni and the Apple shop, they just look cold.

Glad to hear Ned's singing went well. Just been for the open day at the artist's workshops on Eel Pie Island. Feeling quite sad that I don't have a talent for art or singing, it must be such a joy.

Anyway Carols on, 10 foot tree to decorate, I may be some time...

Nipping in to see if Gig's killed any of her relatives had fun at the Christening.

Ned, hooray for you. Complete triumph by the sounds of it, and seeing as most women would have curled up under the duvet if they were feeling as you've been I think you're hugely impressive.

Invicta, I feel fat too! I've put on half a stone since being on Tamoxifen. Gradual creep and I know it's not much. Have never had to diet in my life and don't really now, but it's weird..

Copthall at 10 foot tree. That's a lot of baubles..!

Very tired but christening was good and relatives intact although my mil was on / form (Who are you? To me- also to various grand kids which is sad but her aggressive tone doesn't win people over to help or sympathise).

Photos on fb- back tomorrow

Gigs the photos are great . And you looked fab !
I loved your dress .

Any left over food from the buffet ? <hopeful>

Fab photos gig and you look fabulous too - love all the outfits. Where was the christening ?

Gig, yes you look amazing. Very glam and the hair works with the dress totally. Love the pics of you all together. <stands in queue for buffet leftovers>

Hello all, sorry I haven’t been back for a bit. Thank you again for all the hand-holding and good vibes while DH was in hospital. After a few set-backs he came home and things seem to be going in the right direction, the graft on his leg is starting to heal up quite well now. Had a bit of a trauma with DD2, she had routine minor surgery booked on her leg to remove a small growth(while DH was in hospital having his surgery ), but it didn’t go as planned and they ended removing a rather larger piece and sending it off for checking. We have just got the results back and they are clear thank god although she might need further surgery to repair the hole in her leg. We are back to DH consultant for his pathology results today. Between them they are keeping me busy.

We have heaps of chocolate cake, and chocolates people have brought for DH birthday which was just after he got home from hospital, adding heap to the trolley, help yourself. Two of DH’s crazy brothers flew over from Australia to surprise DH for his birthday, they were here for 5 days and then flew back again which was lovely for DH and an amazing surprise but quite mad and also meant loads of DH’s relatives came to visit. He enjoyed himself no end and it really was fab for him, but did mean an endless load of catering and washing up for me…

I am trying to pull myself together and do something about Christmas, I didn’t start any shopping until yesterday Sat and ordered a pile of stuff on-line that will hopefully come in time, but no way am going to find time to get to the shops. My lovely DSis came with her partner at the weekend and did grocery shopping, cooking and put up all of our Christmas decorations

Hope you have all had good times with concerts, christenings and parties, but don’t envy anyone the Christmas shopping with teenagers, thankfully DSis did that one for me too

gigs you look fab in your photos. Looks like you all had fun.

Glad your concert went well ned

Great news that DH home turning. It has been a very stressful time for you all but really glad you DD op results were good. I'm not organised for Christmas at all and I don't have a poorly DH. I just can't get organised.

Busy weekend followed by busy day and laptop back at laptop hospital after it completely crashed. I think I may just cry as it is another expense which I could do without so close to Christmas. Guy at computer shop thinks it may be the hard drive. Hopefully I will get a chance to catch up with everyone's news soon.

waving to gracie and turning - v pleased to hear that dh is recovering from the op, but what a worry about dd-so pleased the results were clear...hope she's doing ok.
Nothing exciting to report here - went to town,bought cheese footballs,looked in Waterstone's....

Turning that all sounds a bit jaw dropping. Fantastic that your DD's okay though. Hope your DH continues to mend well.

Gracie, grr about the laptop. must be mighty annoying. I'm not at all organised either. DH came back from school today and said everyone else in his class has a tree. Seeing as a high percentage are Muslim, I somehow doubt it, but he did a good guilt trip.

HND, how are you?? Did you get through the weekend. Can't remember when your appointment is this week? Hope you haven't got much longer to wait though. Am sure all the uncertainty's driving you mad.

Nowt to tell here. Been sticking bits of decoration up at DS's school for Winter Fair on Friday, so am now covered in glitter. Waving to all. Very quiet on here, but I hope everyone's okay.

Am here but tired- glad you like the photos. It was on the Wellington mas- ship moored on the Thames.

turningglad dh is home but sorry about dd (and eek about visitors).

First physio appt tomorrow - suspect may be in pain tomorrow night and need

And yes there is some cake left topsy.

Cake ?
Is that all ?


HND and I just escaped our families and fled to Ikea .
We had meatballs and chips and gravy .
Then had a lovely time mooching around .
I bought kilner jars (80p each !!!) and tea lights and Christmas tree shaped boxes .
Then home via Tesco so I could pick up the ingredients to make truffles with tomorrow .
I am putting them in the kilner jars and giving them out as Christmas presents !

Knackered now .
Going to go and catch up on tonight's Masterchef in bed .
Goodnight all x

Masterchef tonight is the cooking for top chefs round - love it !! I love all 3,so don't mind who wins.
A pottering about day today- bit of drawing I hope, a walk to town,bit of cleaning and ironing.
Hope everyone is doing ok -love to allxxx

Morning everyone,

Sorry for my absence and thanks for thinking of me. I did survive the weekend aided by a made splurge of baking to occupy my mind. I made my Christmas cake, a Christmas pie and several proper Cornish Pasties. topsy is my chief taster for most of my creations ... I call it 'meals on legs' because I only have to walk next door with my wares. I guess from reading, I will have to start throwing things on the FBS table.

Feeling a little wobbly, understandably, and my appointment is at 2pm tomorrow. I just want to know now so that I can re-take control of my life and get everything that needs orgnaising organised. My nurse friend at the GP surgery has got me referred to the visitng counsellor and I have an appointment this Thursday ! How great is that ?

Topsy and I had a fun time in Ikea ... I went along for the ride and ended up spending more than her ... I too am now making homemade truffles for my DS's classroom assistant and the school prinicpal who has been really lovely to us.

I will now go and have a good read

will be thinking of you tomorrowhnd xxxxxxx

Just putting my head up from the Christmas mess, covered in glue and pine needles, and keeping an eye out for goon dog cocking his leg on the Christmas tree (you can see the thought process), and the cats eating the tinsel (tinsel fur balls ).

hnd I always thought of it all as something to be endured and got over with so you could get to the good things on the other side, will be thinking of you. It will be a relief to get it over with.

hnd and topsy Did you really go to Ikea and not buy a 3 pack of scissors? I have now become another Ikea customer segment, parent of student living in grotty student flat. I put up pictures of her latest flat (it's like living in Shameless) and there was a chorus of comments after from students, and their parents that they had the same living room curtains..... Chinese Ikeas are the best, whole families go for a day out, the grannies lie out on the beds for a rest after lunch, a proper sleep with snoring .

I am so impressed by Topsy's homemade Christmas. I have an agreement with friends that we are going to buy presents for disadvantaged children rather than each others (and each other), it had got to being Amazon vouchers anyway so that put two moral clouds over it all. If I were better organised I could have done personal thoughtful touches, but ....

gigs glad you had a lovely Christening. Hope the physio is gentle with you and doesn't give you the elbow like mine does.

smee Yes a 10 foot tree is a lot of baubles, it is a bit bitter sweet because there is nothing tasteful about our tree, it still has the decoration the girls made at nursery as well as us buying something silly where ever we go (we are particularly fond of the legless Elvis, he wasn't always legless, just keeps falling off his perch), lots of memories but it does take a **** long time to put up. Now on the lights in the garden, and it is **** cold, so came in to get some feeling back in my fingers, quite a lot of **** been going on if I am honest.

mas how are you? Have the side effects (being thoughtfully non specific here) got better? and the hands? since you stopped the pills. Have a lovely day. Still missing Shellina from last year's Masterchef, I don't think she was professional though, still cook a lot of her recipes.

ahh,hands still sore,esp at night...it really is pesky.
Have drawn a design for card,so probably ought to get on with it...
Our tree is a twig tree,bought when ds was little- it's slightly skewiff and dusty,but we love it.

Oh MAS, those hands sound sore. I'd bet the cold weather isn't helping either. Do they keep you awake at night?

Where's Ned today? Should we pursue her? Ned, come tell us you're okay xx

HND, will have everything crossed for you tomorrow at 2pm. Who's going with you? Hope someone. It still might be good news you know. Really hope it is.

Topsy, am in awe at the truffle making. Even more in awe at Copthall's ginormous tree. I leave all the bauble hanging to DS and DH. The cat lurrves it. Bauble biffing being a top feline sport.

Bouncing around with idiot grin on here, as had appt with Surgeon, who says all's looking fine. Two years post treatment, so not a bad milestone to mark. Am also officially post menopause, which strangely seems a reason to celebrate, but as my tumour was so hormone positive, I'm seeing it as a good sign.

Yay for smee - am pleased.

Am impressed with the Kirsty's homemade action with topsy and hnd. But also sending you love for tomorrow hnd and candle will be lit for you. And I am pleased counsellor is standing by for you . If you want I can distract you with my dss issues .

copthall am impressed at 10 foot tree (mini gig has her eye on our smaller one - I am worried it won't make Xmas so am frantically watering it). But I suppose there is something festive about tinsel fur balls...

Physio was brutal but effective I think as got more mobility just when there- have exercises to do. It can go with The huge pile of ou stuff to read. And work rang to ask when I was going back politely see how I was doing...

ned hope you are ok lovey.

mas sorry about the hands - is boy done with his mocks? And I blame you for making me want some sherry.

But it has just occurred to me topsy - has pig dog made it onto Santa good list?

Afternoon all

Doing OK here - bit wobbly again yesterday, but plodding on. Slept all the way through for the first time in a couple of weeks last night, so not so tired.

Dr Lovely couldn't make it over yesterday to see me (3 docs off sick!), so I don't know when I'll see her, as am a bit mega busy this week. Going to a spa day tomorrow with good friend, courtesy of my DB/DSis who got me a voucher for my birthday; into school on Thursday morning, then DSs Christmas play pm, and off to London for DBs wedding on Friday. Don't want to bother her and ring when she's busy so will wait to hear back from her, I think. Maybe not til next week. . .

Smee this is news! 2 years is a definite milestone and great to have got such good news. for you tonight, I think? Thanks for your FB message x x x x x x x

gig glad physio effective, if brutal. Are you planning to go back to work soon? Hope the buggers are not putting pressure on you?

MAS sorry that your hands continue to cause you strife. What are the medics saying? Thinking of you x x

DS demanding food so must go, but will be back, and will catch up properly.

Hi there, I'm going for my Paget's op tomorrow (essentiall a lumpectomy of the areola area). Although the doc has said it's it's superficial - both literally and medically - I'm still quaking at the thought. Any words of wisdom you ladies can offer me in the circs would be gratefully received.

loma will be thinking of you tomorrow and sending soothing vibes your way- will you be allowed home in evening ? I think lots of rest after a GA is good advice as it hangs on a bit.
smee so pleased for you I shall toast you with sherry or ginger wine -brilliant news xxxxx
ned sorry you're still a bit wobbly - it's normal am sure. Really hope you have a fab time at the wedding- I'm excited about it !
Hands have woken me up before (though it was cat scrabbling at the door at 2.45 am that woke me last night) And my tummy is really playing up - yuck.

Thanks MaryAnn - yes, I'm meant to be home by the evening. I think I'm on the morning list as I've been told to be there for 07:30. Best that way. I don't want to be hanging around.

All the best wishes to everyone else.

yup, I was in by 7.30 but was last on morning list...hope you are speedily through...beware the paper knickers
Well done on physio gig - I hope work people are considerate and understanding. Sorry about sherry
T has finished mocks but geog. exam coming up in new year so Christmas revision required.

Thanks MaryAnne. My mind is duly boggled trying to imagine what I should beware of. I won't ask.

I have another question to any of you who've had lumpectomies. I'm told I won't be able to take the dressing off for a fortnight. How'd you manage washing? I was thinking of showering waist down and using wet wipes elsewhere. Any other tips?

Loma

Smee that's a fabulous milestone !
Might have to toast you with my ridiculously alcoholic truffles .
Think I might have been a leeeeeetle heavy handed with the rum ...


Do you know , I have never tried sherry ?
If I were to buy some , which type/make should I buy ?
And should I drink it from a pint glass ???

Hi Loma
Re washing post surgery , try a shallow bath .
Make sure you take it easy post surgery , as the others have said GA really can take it out of you .

No laptop stinks. So quick pop on to wish hnd and loma good luck for tomorrow.

mas really hope your hands improve. Wonder if La Roche Posay (I hope that is what it is called) would help it really is the only thing that soothes my DDs sore lips.

That is great news smee. I can see why you are delighted.

Hopefully Dr Lovely will be in touch soon ned. Sounds like you have a busy time ahead.

gigs Hope you aren't too stiff and sore tomorrow after the physio today. Did you give work any idea of when you are going back? I am avoiding work like the plague as I don't want them to ask but my line is up 31 Dec.

Waves to everyone. Thinking of you all.

Thanks topsy I have every intention of putting my feet up and taking it easy. (mind you, those who know me in RL will be falling on the floor laughing at this statement. But I did say "intention" .

Oh and thanks gracie! And crossing fingers for HND too.

Echo what other say about ga loa -also think of it as positive to remove bad stuff.

topsy fino is nice if you like dry wine. I luff rum.. Can I have a truffle?

Loma, take care tomorrow. As MAS says, watch out for the paper pants and the GA. The rest's not so bad and you'll feel so much better once you're through this bit. We'll keep a few fbs for your return. Sounds like we'll need Amber with her duct tape too.

HND, I'll been zooming out all positive vibes at 2pm. Deep breaths and onwards. Still hoping for good news here, but whatever it is, you'll get through it am sure. xx

Ned, that's a sod about Dr Lovely not coming round. Have you thought about keeping a diary to look for patterns and triggers. I've found that quite useful in the past.

MAS, do you take something for your tum? Sounds grim feeling so icky. Could you call the unit and ask for something else to try? Good that T's through his exam though.

Gigs, physio sounds a bit ouch, but then it's good to get going again I suppose. How are the little Gigs now they're christened? Has it made them angelic?!

Bit wiped out here, but I have had a beer to quietly celebrate. DH away, so he's said he'll bring a lovely bottle of something special tomorrow. Will drink to you Loma and HND too, and of course to the rest of you reprobates too.

loma it might be different with your op but I had no dressing, just a glued together wound. I showered the day after but very gently - also dried carefully and used v mild shower stuff etc.
@ * topsy* with her pint of sherry ! I have some pale cream sherry which Is not too sweet or too dry - the dark stuff is v sickly sweet.
smee loperamide is what I was given - dj says I 'm having too much yogurt which he reckons is the problem, but am sure yogurt is soothing for a troubled gut.

Afraid DH might be right this phrase pains me Mas
Dairy isn't good for upset tums .

Oh dear ...

Topsy's right, MAS. I got put right by GP, when I was spoon feeding DS yoghurt when he was teeny for an upset tummy. Call the team in the morning if it's still the same and let them tell you what's good.

Topsy, my grandmothers used to drink Sherry when they arrived for Christmas lunch. I remember sneaking some to try when I was about 7. Tasted like cough mixture, so a pint glass not to be advised unless you have a sore throat.

Just dashing to work but want to wish loma and hnd all the best for today. Thinking of you all hope your day is good. Xx

but I loves yogurt...
Good luck to loma and hnd -thinking of you both

Another vote for no yoghurt (I am meant to eat it but hate the smell so it is an endurance test for me). It is very good to eat once you are over the upset tummy- so maybe look forward to that mas.

ned another thing I was advised to do was to write out my worst fears/blackest mood. It then helped to talk through and deconstruct them with the therapist. Also when I did what mood was and trigger points , I was told to put a scale next to mood and also a name (eg fear, anxiety, sadness etc) so you could start to separate out all the different issues. I also wouldn't be shy in ringing the dr- your need is as great as anyone else's (probably more so if you listen to my dad griping about half the stuff people go to the Gp about).

Happy 12/12/12 people

I choose to see this as a good omen .
So HND and Loma , this means good things for both of you for today's appointments x

Blardy freezing today .
Everything is covered in a thick white layer of frost .
Think I shall stay inside all day .
Darn it , have DDs Christmas concert tonight ...

MAS The bit of yoghurt that is good for upset tums is the probiotics that you get in live yoghurt, but agree with others the dairy isn't. When things speed up you lose the good bacteria out of your gut and they may help you with digestion and absorbing nutrients, all of this is perceived by the medical profession as somewhere between mumbo jumbo and not yet proved. I think chemo must be bad for the good bacteria anyway as my nutritionist was very keen on them during chemo, and it stopped things rather than speeding them up. Anyway this is what Dr Wikipedia has to say [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Probiotic]]. You can get probiotics in health food shops but I don't know whether they are any good. DD1 always did everything on speed dial, including that and doctors always advised root vegetable purees, boiled potatoes, rice, toast, apple purees and very diluted fruit juice (most whole fruit is acidic) In China they added bananas, papaya and ginger to that.

Wishing loma and hnd all the best. I was like gigs and was just desperate to get rid of the bad stuff out of my body, I tried to think of it as a slightly overdramatic trip to the dentist, something to be got over with.

smee yippee . I too felt great relief when finally the tests showed I was definitely post menopausal (they showed me as peri menopausal 'til after tamoxifen). What with the Cervical Cancer (in situ), horrible periods, infertility, and then a strongly E+ tumour I had come to the conclusion hormones were not my friend, and I had got the two good things I wanted out of them..

Ned The thing that helped me most during the night worries was replacing the bad thoughts with visions. I know you have to confront and deal with the bad thoughts as per gigs excellent advice which I wish I had had but that is for during the day. At 4am I used to replace the bad thoughts with some quite personal visions about what I wanted to be happening / happen. In my case sitting on a terrace with my closest friends grey haired and wrinkled with a glass of champagne and looking at a view as the sun set (they had an issue with the grey hair and wrinkles ) laughing at all our trials (the subsequent diagnosis of one of my closest friends as bipolar and all that has gone with it makes my trial look quite tame TBH), standing on a mountaintop fit and healthy with my support group, lying on a beach, and admits to inner geek a full blown battle in Middle Earth with Orcs and other ugly misshapen things as my Cancer and Viggo Mortensen, Sean Bean, Orlando Bloom, and David Wenham (aussie actor who was Faramir but also starred in the lovely romantic series friend sent videos of from Australia that I loved watching during my chemo) on my side I think Wagner may have been playing .... In all cases I would take time to dwell on all the good feelings associated with my vision, warmth on my skin, sounds, hugs etc.

Prebiotic supplements aren't advisable when on chemo mas .

The visualisation idea is good . I used to sing (in my head ) "hit me with your best shot" or imagine that bit where Death Star blows up in Star Wars to imagine cancer cells going (I hasten to add when I was doing treatment - I don't generally think this like some soft rock sci fi Saddo).

Freezing here but I am waiting at Gp with mini gig as have decided two weeks of broken nights with cough Etc too much.

You ladies are so lovely - thank you for all of your good wishes and support.

I am actually feeling very good and empowered today and ready for the almost inevitable news so that I can move on. If they were wrong, despite the economical downturn in my house at the moment, I would maybe share a bottle or bubbles with you all.

gigs I love the "hit me with your best shot" analogy - I will be singing that all day now and if you want to offload your DSS issues, I am sure I can help in some way even if it is just to –growl-- listen

smee my DH is coming with me and topsy is looking after my wee fellas for me (should I tell her I have sherry and a proper sherry glass that my granny gave me ?) Also it is really nice to see you celebrating [happy]

ned I am loving the sound of Dr Lovely !!! We have a GP in our surgery called Dr Devine .... he is a bit too !

loma hope your surgery goes well and recovery is swift and vomit free (I always vomit )

gracie I will have to join in on yours and topsy’s wee dates now !

topsy standing on your doorstep gossiping to the neighbours is not good on these cold days – lol – see you later !

errrrm realised i am not very ghood with the emoticon things ..... I am usually queen of the iPhone typos but it loloks like my rubbishness is spreading !

thanks for no dairy advice- have taken my loperimide and feeling better- will try to avoid my yogurt for a bit

Glad you're feeling a bit better, MAS.

HND must be in her appt right now. Would be so lovely if she came back skipping with the best of news.

Hope loma's through and safely tucked up in bed by now too. Horrible to have to sit and wait. One of the few downsides of NHS is the operating list.

Gig's how are you feeling post-physio?? Any aches?

Gracie, how's your skin these days? Am assuming v.much on the mend?

Bit wiped out here, due to the joy of all 4 smoke alarms going off at 5.30am. Epics amount of noise, no DH as he's away. Fortunately no fire or even a wisp of smoke, so am a bit baffled. Had to flick the fuse, which worked first time, but not when they went off again half an hour later, as the back up batteries kicked in. Deep joy..! Had to climb up ladders to take batteries out. Bit much in my PJ's on a cold and frosty morn.. kidnapped DS into my bed as a hot water bottle once I'd finished. He is nicely toasty.

4 smoke alarms smee ? 'tis a pain when they play up- one of ours (we have 2) is on the landing ceiling and our step ladder too short to get to it...have to borrow dad's - am guessing you are on 3 floors ?
Have avoided yogurt so far but just had a take away cappuccino from Waitrose (free with my W card) oh and bit of milk in my shreddies...

We're in one of those thin Victorian houses, so there's one in the basement, one on living floor, one outside our and DS's bedroom, then another up in the attic. Probably over-kill, but DH is v.thorough!

I'd imagine a bit of milk's okay. How are your hands today? Are they still sore?

Anybody got any idea what I should do with v.old box of tampons which I've been keeping in case periods ever returned. Clearly chuck them, but it feels symbolic somehow. Tampon Christmas Tree decorations maybe?!

dip them in glitter and hang from a tree ! Or keep them as they are,as a momento ! I keep thinking I won't need my stash anymore and then have to go and buy some as my periods seem to have gone back to normal- maybe chemo will see them off. Will kind of miss them I guess.

I religiously check ours every week and my CO2 alarm

Love the glitter idea! I was thinking festive red hats round the string and some goggly eyes.

smee red glitter of course I still have mine at the back of my bra drawer, they have become a sort of talisman. Perhaps I should now hang them on the tree outside with my lights. My DDs would NEVER speak to me ever again!

gigs soft rock ballads and scifi / fantasy for dealing with Cancer. New game for the bus shelter? gap in the crowded Cancer book market (especially with illustrations by MAS)?

Glad it's improving MAS but definitely ask for advice on diet to cope. I am sure milk in things isn't going to be a problem, just dollops of it to digest.

Hoping all has gone as well as it could for Loma and hnd

we have been thinking of a cancer book- me and sometimes with assistance from tamoxifen thread ladies but we haven't really got started- too much other stuff going on.

Copthall, yes red glitter essential! I could twist tinsel type pipe cleaner round to give arms and legs..

When I was pregnant the books I liked best were the anecdotal ones, so real women's experiences, divided into different topics round pregnancy. One like that for cancer would be brilliant. I think the most important thing to know when you hear you have cancer is how very common it is and how much can be done. Also how many of have been through it all and are still upright. A warts and all, honest and funny book would have been amazingly helpful.

Love the idea of craft-designed tampons

'Afternoon all. all round

Sort of behaving here, for once.

Just took a second look at DDs snowman christmas tree decorations she made at nursery They aren't but as they are just cotton wool and string it would have saved them a lot of hassle ....

I could donate them to nursery at DS's school. Taking recycling to a whole new level...

popping in to say hi - off out for a beer with husband of dear friend who didn't make it ...

Loma and HND - hope you are well and okay

Loma - I had shallow baths and brought nearly every available product in the Simple range as I was told to use plain products.

Morning All

Just thought I'd pop on to let you know that the iPhone app is working again !
I downloaded an update this morning

Bet you are all very relieved to hear this ........

Yes- I am as it has Been driving me mad .

And more for me- mini gig up AGAIN in night (is happy as anything this morning) so back to bed for me. I think she just likes a party now as doesn't actually seem ill. Big gigs concert this afternoon.

But good news is leg seems fine smee which is good news .

hnd and loma thinking of you .

Am still at the tampon Xmas decorations .

Bac home now. was first in list but took all day to revive from grogginess. Was less of an ordeal than I'd anticipated (but then I had been dreading it). A bit sore. I'll be trying to avoid too much compensatory choc. N.b. if I didn't want to out myself I'd be singing the praises if the wonderfully caring nursing staff. Com

Sorry.. On mobile... Completely at odds with nasty recent press reports.

I did feel rather old though as the anesthetist seemed about 20! (My equivalent of "policemen are getting younger, I suppose).

Glad you are back home loma and all "done" !
Now plenty of chocolate rest .
Dr Topsy orders this

Gigs I think mini gigs needs a stern talking to .
Has she been told that Santa doesn't visit babies who wake their mummies in the night ?

Lol loma , they do seem really young don't they ?
And I happily sing the praises of all my medical team . I can categorically state that I dont think I could have been treated any better !

Chocolate is a good thing loma.

And agree about youth of drs- it was when they discussed their hangovers I realised how young they were (they got quite relaxed when kept seeing me as I had to stay in for chemo).

I tried to reason with mini gig topsy- she just laughed and pulled my glasses off for a chew.

It was almost worth it all to hear DH just report to me that my gorgeous DS14, who had refused cuddles or any soppy stuff for years, legged it up the driveway to school this morning calling "send Mummy my love". Ah, bliss!

aw bless loma Hope recovery is swift and not too uncomfortable- agree with Dr topsy's recommendations
hope big gig's concert is fab - naughty little gig !
I too have nothing but praise for my team - everyone seems younger than me (except bcns !) though quite pleased that onc. thought I was about his age (about a decade younger )
Blood test today,then a skip into Waitrose to see if there's any nice sushi.

maranne sounds like waitrose is your 'treats' store - it certainly is in my case: I've just put an order in for their mixed marinated olives. Probably as calorific as chocolate but somehow feels more worthy.

All the best to readers if this board

Of

Yes, loma, Dr Topsy should be listened to, as her advice is excellent. I have nothing but praise for my team too. I think the NHS is amazing. Watch out for the post GA blues. Normal, but annoying!

No news from HND. Hope she's okay.

Gig, that night waking's irksome. Glad leg feels okay though. Do you have to do exercises every day? Have fun at the concert. Is she a sheep or something sweet like that, or just singing?

MAS, how's the tummy and the hands today? Any better?

DH says he's not too keen on tampon decorations. Can't imagine why.

have just been to Waitrose and got my free coffee- always feel a little awkward about asking for it I cannot resist their rustic bread,so have a lovely baguette which T will no doubt devour.
smee as an artist I'd've thought dh would like the tampon decs !
Tummy much better thanks- at least I hope so- hands still pretty awful- the nurse taking my blood said they looked red and told me her friend on chemo had the same,plus an alarmingly red face- yike. I had my bloods done sitting up this time- progress ! I feel a bit silly lying down- it took two goes to get any blood but she was lovely and very apologetic and kept saying how well I was doing in overcoming wimpishness - awww- another lovely NHS nurse.

Morning ladies,

Sorry I have not got back to you before now - I was rhather busy last night 1. helping out at the School's open night and 2. ringing and texting a gazillion people about my appointment. So here goes .....

I have got grade 2 DCIS over a 10 cm length (a string of pre-invasive cancerous calcifications) and will need surgery.

I have opted for a full mastectomy on the right side with immediate reconstruction by LD flap (the back muscle and tissue method) and will also have a silicone implant in there as I am large chested. 6-9 months later when the new bobbage has settled, they will undertake a reduction on the left hand side boobage to even our any wonkiness !

I will be having sentinel node biospy at the same time as surgery and they cannont completely rule out radiotherapy until they have the pathology back from the breast tissue but are hopeful that RT will be unneccessary.

Feeling relieved that they can do the majority of the big surgery in one go and at least I know what I am up against now. So ladies, I will be sticking around to annoy you for a while longer yet !!

Has any one had LD flap surgery ? any tips ? pros ? cons ?

smee
Xmas Decs

sorry smee

Xmas Decs

HND well done for getting through that - how are you feeling about it all ?

HND, you are amazing to be doing the Fair last night. Think I was in a heap at your stage. Is it good to know what's next? Must be a relief. Mastectomy sounds sane under the circa. I had immediate reconstruction, but just an implant, so no skin or tissue from elsewhere. Not sure anyone on here's had that done, but might be wrong. Do you have a date yet?

Glad tummy a bit better and well done on bloods too, Mas. You are v.brave. On DH, yes he should be into it shouldn't he. He's quite an alternative sort of artist, possibly he doesn't like me being more alternative than him.

arfsome tampon decs !

x-posted, fab link, HND! They're not bold enough though for my taste. I want red sparkly glitter!

Well done you- have you tried deep breathing * mas* as that helped me.

I have found something on fb for you and smee

Cross posted with hnd - fingers crossed for no rt.

You and HND are of the same mind, Gig.

I was breathing in a mindful way - I think I've convinced myself that blood isn't going to make me feel wibbly - though if any words like 'oozing' or 'bleeding' are mentioned I might find it difficult - that's what set me off before (interestingly my brother is exactly the same)

Sets me off too but mindfulness and visualisation (my favourite beaches of all time) helps.

Present wrapping (or not) here- it doesn't make me feel festive .

gigs i have my first counselling session this afternoon and have no idea what to expect .... help !

Counsellor will introduce themselves , explain how long and maybe how many/when Sessions are. They wills probably ask you to talk about what you are there for and what you want out of it . To an extent you set the agenda .

Also depending of type of counselling you may get homework but it will be of the type of thing that mentioned other day - eg what are your feelings, when do you get them, how intense are they etc.

I hope it goes well.

Loma Glad it wasn't too bad and you are recovering

hnd Now at least you know. I have three friends who had the flap but from the stomach rather than the back but can ask any questions you might have, they were not big boobed though so no implants. One like you had DCIS so mastectomy and immediate recon, one had chemo following and that is the only occasion I have heard of problems, the chemo killed off some of the flap, and the third had recon a couple of years after her mastectomy, chemo and Herceptin. My surgeon suggested I might need some evening up because it is harder to match little boobs - I started out with the smallest size of prosthesis (I haven't overcome my wimpyness felt the need to get recon so far - 11 years!!) so I got the impression that big boobs are easier, friends all medium sized. I think the only con is that it is a big operation, you wake up feeling you have been hit by a bus and you have to spend a couple of days in high dependency being kept very warm and sweaty to make sure all the plumbing works. They are all very happy with the result and glad they had it done.

I love the tampon crafts, if only I had seen that page when I was Rusty, the Beaver Scout Leader don't ask!! (the things we do for our children)

MAS blood tests - aagh. Chemo left me with the veins of a drug addict, the only ones you can get to show are on the back of my hand and they collapse at the sight of a needle so it always takes extensive mining. I take one of those hand warmers with me when I go, a tip from my friend the nurse, that nurses and labotomists never seem to think of. I'm supposed to get regular blood tests for the chronic low white blood cell counts but I avoid them.

I think your book idea is great. A friend in publishing tried to fly the idea of a book of "emails from the chemo frontline", she collected a few up, but she was a bit disgusted that her company seemed only interested in trauma tales or books of pinkness and make up tips, and said that the Cancer book marketplace was very crowded, I think a couple of the Guardian journalists who have written about their experiences had the same reaction, but did get published eventually on the back of what they had written in the newspaper. I agree with smee that humour is your best friend when it comes to Cancer and it would be good to have a book out there that takes the piss out of it all and shows you can laugh after dx. Perhaps the Mumsnet connection might help?

gigs DD1 liked to disco in the night. She was a cot hurdler too. I'm afraid we became rigid disciplinarians, we couldn't even go into the room when she woke in the night or it would establish a pattern.On one night when she had learnt to talk she woke in the night and I was listening to her gurgling through the monitor (I would have had a webcam in her room if they had had them then) and she suddenly said "Head stuck" so I rushed into her room to see her stood up laughing. Can't get her out of bed now though of course!!

Mad I just saw your message there. I am feeling good that I can get the recon don

Doh it posted itself on my phone .... Sorry mas .... Yes feel good about recon at same time and scared to death of he after effects from surgery as I am usually pretty pewky and ill I am also very stressed and anxious from a very badly timed slagging off by text from my step daughter who thought i was ringing her last night to try and sort out hers and her dads failing relationship (she didn't answer my call as usual) its hard to go into but I feel like I have had my heart ripped out and stamped on. Thankfully the counselling looks like it is going to be a winner gigs the hour just flew .... I'm off yo luck my wounds and get some dinner now my little DS (4) is sleeping sounDly.

Am jealous that you get recon at same time as mx !
Am still waiting for mine .
Think I need your surgeon !

Is everyone fully prepped for Christmas ?
I'm not , but am getting there .
If my DDs main present arrives on Monday I shall be done .

Got our if family Christmas dinner on Sunday .
FIL takes us all (aprox 30) out to a nice hotel for lunch ,
And it's so nice as we we don't get together en masse like this very often .

Anyway , had a busy (for me) couple of days and I'm knackered now . So off to bed I go . Think I shall have a lazy day tomorrow , I forget how worn out I get these days !

Lol at the tampon decorations

just dropping in quickly to wish hnd well with her counselling session and to ned for a lovely,happy wedding ! (ned's brother's)
Love to all for a good Friday- am off to hospital today then hope to go to shops (Paperchase beckons) and later T's haircut (and ushering him into shops to look for presents for g/parents/his dad) Is it big gig's nativity thing today ?

Mornjng all for anyone keen. Up early to see physio then off to French France for weekend.
copthall mini gig is definitely of same variety as your dd1 - water only and a quick return to cot meant minimal disruption (then big gig woke but she has a temperature so is allowed).

hnd glad counselling helps but so sorry about dsd. It's hard being in middle of it all- how old are your dsc? Mine are 20 and 22. Dss in bad books at minute with dad cos of not very funny joke he made about his dad. I think normally dh would laugh It off or ignore but he is worried about dss "drifting" along post uni and wasting time. He has form for this as had a year post a level to retake.

topsy rest up- I know what you mean about stamina not being what it was as I was done in after christening.

jchoc waves to you.

have a fab time in French France gig

French France ?
Don't forget to bring me us back some cheese and baguettes for the fbs trolley .

Morning all, - sorry I have been awol for a while - RL rather got on top of me, - I am trying to catch up with all your posts, but forgive me if I am behindhand with news and consequently say daft stuff.
Good luck to everyone having treatment, appointments and waiting for results.

Gig have a good time in French France - I'm so sorry I totally forgot about the recipe - do you still want it, or is it too late now I am so utterly disorganised at the moment. I will sort it and send it anyway.

It was my birthday yesterday - (53 -aaaaaaaaaaargh) had a lovely day, my art club was having a Christmas party so it doubled as a birthday party for me
Got lots of lovely art stuff from DH and DS, a DVD from DD, and some money from my mum. So a good haul!!

love to all, HND - loads of luck with your surgery - do you have a date for it yet?
Like topsy i'm also waiting for recon. so will be very interested to hear how you get on, - anyway massive hugs because it's all a big shock to the system, and it's OK to have a few wobbly moments, - great that you have counselling organised - I found it an enormous help. Sorry about DSD - not what you need at the moment, but while you are going through this, you have to try to put yourself first and let others get on with their own problems - be strict about people dumping stuff on you!

xx

Ooh yes - happy wedding Ned - have a great time, (can't remember if I said, but I loved your top - you will look fab )

hnd I hope I didn't add to your fears of the surgery, all of my friends recovered without any setbacks (apart from the side effect of chemo) and none have the slightest regrets. One commented that it is a bit like childbirth, you forget all about it once you have the end result. How awful to have the added stress of Dsd's issues (KK's advice is sound). I am glad the Counselling helped. It does take a while to get everything straight in your head and accept what has happened and move on. I spent quite a while thinking I would never be happy again but it was on a walk one day that suddenly it all seemed doable and there was light at the end of the tunnel, however it was September and sunny, not sure there is much light around at the moment, perhaps you could make use of the landing strip festive lights next door?

KK HAPPY BIRTHDAY for yesterday.

gigs Enjoy French France! But you will miss Rob Brydon switching on the lights Or are you rushing back to get to the green for 5.30 on Sunday, he tweeted it was a task he had not taken on lightly apparently.

DD homeward bound, and the welcoming lights are on (including another tacky festive creature in the front garden that she deems indispensable to the Twickenham illuminations, I am not however giving in on the giant Santa climbing up the roof ). I am having twinges of my eco conscience, I am sure our house is now visible from space.

HAPPY***BIRTHDAY** KK !! you are young and sprightly - glad you had a lovely day and nice presents.
My chemo is being delayed by a week as my hands aren't good- my finger tips hurt like mad- nice lady onc also said calcium levels are low- what does that mean ? (apart from eating lots of cheese etc) So back again next Friday... she also wants to commission some pictures or cards
Hope loma and hnd are doing ok
Got to dash to take ds to hair cut...

MAS I'm glad you are getting a break, sorry about the hurting finger tips. I hope they will lower the dose to lessen side effects next time.

Chemo can lower Calcium levels and lead to loss of bone density, my Consultant considers that is partly why I have problems now, since my menopause at 43 wasn't that early, and the Tamoxifen should have protected me, and I am a cheese fiend . I am recommended to take a Calcium supplement. I could get it on prescription but I buy a brand called Osteocare which you get at Holland and Barratt, I take two a day, ask your medical team about it.

thank you for b'day wishes Copt and MAS - I don't know about young and sprightly, unless that's code for old and creaky

MAS - bugger about hands is it making work very hard for you? - I don't know anything about low calcium, but I agree with Copt - sounds like you need a supplement - have they suggested anything like that? (I have a feeling that people on one of the other anti cancer drugs - maybe arimidex - take calcium supplements, because it effects levels - but I could well be wrong).

Copt - it will be lovely to see your DD, - am impressed you have decorations up, we are doing ours this weekend, although we have done some paper chains and draped them around the place.

My DD is doing another carol service tonight, - she's had four concerts in the last week, - one was at an old peoples home, and she said the residents loved it, they brought bells in for them all to shake and DD said there was an old man in the front row who was singing away at the top of his voice, having a great time, bless him

It is very wet here, old lady dog is taking some persuading to go outside to the loo, - she pokes her head out the door then turns round and comes straight back in - I have to bundle her out, - she is giving me The Look

I think onc said she could give me a supplement- will see what's what next week- haven't been sdrawing much this week as finished until next year,though did design my new business postcard- holding the pen is fine but typing etc really hurts - it's all very odd. Am no longer on tamox. as it wasn't working they said,so maybe that accounts for lower calcium- am very happy to eat cheese,mind you ! it's weird as I think I'm eating more dairy stuff- loads of yogurt.
Poor old lady dog- Celeste not keen on weeing outside so sometimes uses her tray.
Successful hair cut and present buying - I was wise to do a recce beforehand as it made it much easier and the boy didn't get too restless.

Popping in to sing Happy Birthday to Kurri

Poor Kurri

And you are definitely young!!

MaryAnn and everyone you're very sweet to think of me when you have your own worries. I've had my first day on my own (DH back at work and best friend who was going to pop round had to rush across town to deal with fallen ma). I'm not surprisingly a bit low and feeling sorry for myself, a bit breathless despite doing next to nothing, then feeling guilty because my op was supposedly superficial. It doesn't help that I've had to explain to a couple of colleagues why I'm off as they were getting the wrong end of the stick as to why I couldn't do my bit with a big panic we've got on at work - I felt it better to tell them than them to think I'm swinging the lead. But now there's an added dose of guilt because it always sounds so dramatic, doesn't it? The big C? As if I'm exploiting my situation.

On I ramble. On the good side I stopped mucking about on Mumsnet and knuckled down to some work-related-reading this afternoon. Despite DH telling me I should have rested, it made me feel better. As my GP said, less "medicalised" and more like someone allegedly intelligent with a career.

One of you warned me I'd be feeling low today.

Thanks Elibean -your singing has to be better than mine I don't feel too old actually (but that's because most of my friends are older so make me feel young )

Loma - so glad you have got your op over with, I hope you are recovering well. Feeling low is very normal I'd say - emotions go all over the place, and things like having to tell other people about it all can be very hard, - so take things gently, and give yourself time to take it all in and get your head round it all - it's a big thing to have happened to you within a very short time, but you will get there

oooo, happy Birthday, KK!!!!

for those feeling urk

Thanks amber x

Am having cake tomorrow, will save some for the trolley.

Happy Birthday To You
Happy Birthday To You
Happy Birthday Dear KK
Happy Birthday To You for yesterday

Pink wine and French France treats for birthday girl kurri

I thank yew, -

topsy you have the voice of a chicken nightingale

Pink wine Gig lovely ,<holds out glass for a refill>

I think the cake will be a lemon cake - DD is making it and has dropped some cryptic hints (such as 'you like lemon don't you?' )

yum,lemon cake sounds ace !
loma hugs for you xxx

Waves to all and big happy birthday to kurri.

Apologies not around much, very busy and no laptop is a pain but thinking of you all .

I likes lemon cake .
And I luffs pink wine .
<wanders off pecking at things and randomly clucking>

Can I join ?

I had a thyroid biopsy 8 days ago and got a call from the hospital yesterday as consultant wants to see me on Thursday to discuss the results.

I am absolutely terrified as before the biopsy she said if all was ok she would not need to see me again.

How do I get through the next few days ? Seems much worse with Christmas going on all around me.

ah,glad you've joined us penis though not because you are so anxious.
The consultant may very well have found something that's not cancer and would obv. need to discuss it with you - but am sure your mind will be going crazy thinking the worst. And googling is a bad idea (though I google everything) I think by trying to occupy yourself with Christmassy things is probably helpful, but we do understand that the waiting is the very worst part. Stick around here for distractions, talk of all manner of trivia and some comforting hand holds.

Of course you can join us penis. This waiting is absolutely the worst time as your head fills with all kinds of nightmares. But you will feel better once you know what is going on and the plan for any treatment is.

In terms of filling your days, come on here to vent or chat as much as you need. We have all been there so can hold your hand.

In terms of practically filling your days, what helps you most? Being busy or being able to retreat under the duvet ? If former, try and make a to do list of stuff to do to fill your days. If latter, can you ask friends and families to help with kids so you can retreat to sleep read Mn or watch tv.

And yes it is a shit time of year to get news but there is no good time - hugs and love for you.

Ps woman at work had thyroid cancer and made complete recovery.

I work with a lot of palliative people. Not sure if going to work will be good or bad for me. I am off Monday to do all the Xmas shopping / wrapping etc then only have 2 days of work to get through.

I am scared of telling people at work in case I cry

Morning All
And a special morning and welcome to Penis sniggers like a teenage boy at the name
Sorry you find yourself here , but it probably is the best place you could have come to !
We talk sense , we don't subscribe to Dr Google , and we have the best snack trolley on the Internet .

I'm not going to tell you not to worry , because that ain't gonna happen !
We shall just hold your hand till your appointment , hopefully you won't need us after Thursday and we can send you on your way .
But if you get bad news , we are here for that too . It's not just breast cancer here .

Off horse riding soon .
Then I think an afternoon on the sofa is called for . Still feeling unreasonably tired and head achey .
Have our big family lunch tomorrow , so need to perk up for that .

How are the hands today Mas ?

Welcome to the board pen (said she shyly). I have recently been through a few weeks of hell going from a routine mammo to diagnosis and surgery and although I feel like a wrung out rag I can safely say the waiting was the worst of it and I too was terrified of bursting into tears at work in the waiting period. For me it helped telling my best mate there - a bloke, but one I knew wouldn't turn a hair or go all overly sympathetic (which I couldn't handle). At least then I had someone to moan to when the normal annoyance was getting to me without having to make some grand declaration. Also remember that a. You don't know if anything serious has been found and b. medical care nowadays is amazing. You'll get through this and out the other side.

Hi there penis, and welcome to the thread, but very sorry of course that you are going through this worry.

I know it's awful having to wait for appointments to get results, stick around and let us hold your hand. Can you take someone to your appointment with you for a bit of support? - it can be helpful, especially if there is a lot of info to take in.

I know you will worry and obviously I don't have any medical knowledge, but I have had thyroid problems for the last 3 years, and a range of treatments, thyroid is very complex and all sorts of things can go wrong with it, and they do tend to want to treat some things (that aren't cancer) pretty quickly because it can make you feel very ill if left.

I hope we can support you for the next few days while you wait to find out what's what
And I wouldn't be too bothered about bursting into tears on others - it happens, and in fact I think make it easier in some ways for people to offer you support. (And it sounds as if you are in one of the caring professions, so your colleagues may well be a great support to you) Go with what you feel comfortable with whether it is telling people or not, but don't be scared of crying, it is perfectly normal and people will not think it is odd or embarrassing.

Morning all to everyone else, how are the hands today MAS?
Don't fall off your horse topsy, (or is it your DD who is riding today?)
Waving to Loma, Gracie and Gig.

Some sun here today at last <over excited>, I am going to marzipan the Christmas cake in a minute, when I've had a coffee and a wodge of toast, - anyone else want some?

Waving back kurri and envious that you're baking. That's my fave sort if therapy when I'm low. Mind you, never worked with marzipan. I find tray bakes and biscuits suit my lack of finess better.

Oh and yes please to a tiny slice with some lemon tea, if I may?

<presents Loma with lemon tea and toast> - it's not a very tiny slice because its the kind of bread that's hard to slice thinner than a doorstop

DD is making my b'day cake and some mince pies this afternoon, - she loves baking, I have to be v. strict with myself when she makes stuff as I'm trying to lose weight, - she of course is thin as a pin despite scoffing large chunks of cake

naughtynameperson I'm sorry to hear you are in that horrible land of the unknown. I entirely sympathise with your worries about crying. I felt the need to be a virtual recluse when I was in the early stages of dx. I ventured out one day, encountered a good friend and just dissolved, something I found quite difficult. We all cope in different ways. It is important that you feel free to cope in the way that works best for you. However we all know here that the waiting and worrying about the unknown is the worst time.

My neighbour was treated for Thyroid Cancer a year or so after I was diagnosed. We are both in rude health 10 years later, something I am sure will come naturally to you in every sense of the word

DD is home and still in bed after girly late night champagne swilling, chocolate eating, Bridget Jones watching session I am loafing around in my dressing gown. It is slattern central here at the moment, no worthy horse riding or baking activities, nothing to offer the trolley obviously, though possibly may have some leftover diet coke later if I get around to getting dressed and seeking cure for slight hangover ......

Mind you I will have Christmas cake when it has finished feeding on the bottle of Cuban rum I have poured over it for the last few weeks.......80% proof Christmas cake anyone?

Good afternoon all and welcome to Ms colada ...... I just has a horrible waiting period too and now I know the way forward I feel a whole lot better .... I have burst into tears several times this week but am having a good day today... These ladies are wonderful for hand holding.

As for me I had a hard day yesterday with chest tightening and a banging heart .... All to do with the DSD situation. gigs my DSD is 23 and the DSSs are 19 and 17 ... The 19 yo one is lovely btw. I know I shouldn't worry about it all but I am terribly hurt and I have gone do much for them all over the last 12 years. Anyway enough of that.

I went to see the GP yesterday as my blood pressure was high and I was obviously stressed by this and DSD. He prescribed beta blockers and put me back on my small dose of anti d and signed me off. My GP always makes me cry, he is just a nice bloke. I will catch up properly tomorrow ... I was out overnight at a friends last night it did me good to be away from home I think and today I am going on my works Christmas lunch and drunken gathering drinks poos !!! Later ladies

I've just discovered some maple syrup butter biscuits in the freezer! They go well with strong coffee. And so thin the calories go right through you without touching the sides (in a nice way). Anyone care to join me? It's tea time somewhere, I'm sure.

hands v sore- it's very boring- but my fingers really hurt- the tips- woke up in the night with them hurting. Feet are peeling like mad,but they don't hurt-and it's a nice exfoliation treatment-if a bit of a drastic one.
Hugs for hnd and enjoy your bday cake kk. We are off to do some Christmassy food shopping.

maple syrup cookies are lovely - Dh bought us a load in Canada last year - they didn't last long! - it's nice to know they are virtually calorie free - I wonder what other thin foodstuffs I can eat working on the same principal? - crisps almost certainly, and maybe After Eights too

HND - <hugs> - get that topsy to give you a big hug when she's finished bouncing about on a horse. I hope the beta blockers help - I had them when my thyroid was v-overactive and I had banging heart, - they settled things down very quickly. I don't know if its of any help or interest to you, but there is a step parents board on this forum, (search under the parenting talk topic) - it may not be what you want, but thought I'd mention it just in case

Have a lovely Christmas lunch.
MAS enjoy your food shopping, - hope it's not to manic in the shops. What sort of pain relief have they given you for your hands?, - maybe they need to up it a bit if its waking you <gentle hugs being careful not to squash hands>

a waffer thin mint is aan ideal thin food-have just bought some...and ferrrero rochers-yum. We looked at cheeses and crackers (as in Christmas crackers) -M&S seem good,though haven't looked at Waitrose ones- bought a Christmas pudding and dh bought me Nesquik to encourage more milk drinking -it's very very sweeet,so won't have it too often.
I have no pain relief for the hands-not sure what would work on them.
I hope ned is enjoying the wedding

Are they swollen? If not co codamol is good and might help with other issues.

I spent about 2 hours doing a Xmas list then deciding what went on the sainsburys order and what went on the ocado order. Perhaps over thinking it .

Christmas beer cheese and marron glacé from French France .

Is it usual to argue with your dh whilst waiting ?

I am so stressed and upset all I want to do is lie in bed and cry. I have done Xmas shopping cooked a full roast dinner done the washing etcetera today.

I really don't know if I can face work Monday but don't want to go sick in case I need sick time for treatment

Hello Ms Colada, I was at your stage in 2009 - just before christmas and I do sympathise during the awful waiting. Yes I do think its normal to argue and feel dreadful - of course it is.

I decided to tell people at my own pace - once I had firm results. I felt better after I told my self this was my decision- so if I didn't want to tell people I didn't until the time was right for me. Telling friends and colleagues and family is really hard because i think you're having to face up to what's happening each time you say it, and you're also worrying aboutm how the person will react (and they do vary!)

So I suggest just treat yourself very kindly over the next few days - conserve a bit of energy - have some walks if they help. There's no 'right' way to be for the time being.

In my experience (and mst on this thread) you do feel better when you know what you're dealing with and what the treatment plan is. So try to take one step at a time and don't let your mind whirl round all the worst possible scenarios all the time. Try to deal with what you actually know. (Hard I know).

Good luck and a big hug. (And we've all wept/howled at times I can tell you - no point trying not to really..)

Did you also know that if you eat ANY food standing up , then it's calorie free ?

Penis arguing , crying , hiding in bed . All perfectly normal .
I even planned the music for my funeral at one point
You do what you need to do to get through this !

KK it was dd horse riding !
I've yet to find a horse brave enough to take me on ...

Having a lazy evening on the sofa this evening .
Fire is lit , coffee is beside me , and crochet on the go .

Oh and DH smashed my bottle of Baileys <very very very sad face>

How did he do that ? I would offer you some of my red wine and the huge basket of chocolate/sweeties that am eating .

penis arguing , crying and a whole slew of emotions normal. I could even "see"(as in hallucinate) funeral cars outside my house.

Other people's food also non calorific topsy- professor gigondas fact that. It's like a policeman can't arrest you if they aren't wearing their hat.

DD's invited a friend to our's for Christmas, which is fine as we'll have our family plus 2-3 other single friends in any case. But this will be the first time I've done a vegan Christmas!

I've been googling and already have a list of lovely recipes. DD says he's a good cook so should be fine. Its also his 21st birthday on Christmas Eve!! (he's Australian so a long way from home)

DH and DCs are veggie so I guess it' s just that extra step...

BTW sorry I've not been here much - work's pretty full on at present - I'm looking forward to having 10 days off. Our week-end in Stuttgart was fab though - sparkling snow and fairy tale castles and Christmas markets everywhere - its poss I've already posted this but can't recall! Anyway its was lovely! So now we'll have tiwn themes for Christmas - German (due to goodies brought back) and vegan.
x

Does anyone else try to avoid soya? Due to its oestrogen-like properties I avoid it, as I'm on drugs to bash all oestrogen so it'd be a bit silly to eat it. But hm, lots of vegan recipes use it...

pen Agree with everyone else being horrible to those around you is entirely normal. My parents came to stay when I was going through diagnosis and I reverted to obnoxious teenager. Whenever they tried to comfort me I would throw some new horror I was facing back at them. "You don't understand. I'm going to be a bald, one boobed and brain damaged, no one will want to go out with me--" They said after they didn't mind at all, it was just like old times.... In contrast I found my husband's --emotionally crippled reticence strangely comforting and I was actually nice to him for a change whereas at other times of stress it normally infuriates me, as you would know if you were in the vicinity of either of my labours.

sandripples the jury is still out on soya . It's plant Estrogen is not proven to act like Estrogen on Estrogen positive tumours, unlike the bad estrogens generated by environmental pollution, alcohol consumption etc. In fact there are Asian studies that show that Asian women diagnosed with Breast Cancer actually do better if they stick to a diet rich in Soya. The traditional Asian diet, high in soya, low in dairy is associated with very low rates of Breast Cancer in Asian women, whilst when they switch to a western diet the rates become the same as for western women. My Consultant and Wonky Oncy in Hong Kong were very pro Soya, and the wonky oncy was anti practically everything else, you might as well book the hearse when eating a cheese sandwich . There is a theory that like Tamoxifen the type of Oestrogen found in Soya fixes to the Estrogen receptors on the tumour and prevents the other estrogens getting to them. So it might be actually good to eat Soya. However it is just a theory, no one knows, but then they don't really understand how Tamoxifen works either.

Personally after reading all the literature, I do eat edamame (soya beans) and considerable amounts of soy sauce (only Kikkoman brand though, most of the rest are mainly caramel juice and who knows what else if they are actually Made in China). I always think when the medics opinions are so different, anything in moderation.

Sorry I seems to have messed up my strike outs but you see what I mean...

MAS The hands sound horrible. Have you tried the pain relieving gels on your finger tips? Also does ice help relieve the pain? A packet of frozen peas wrapped in a soft cloth would mould around your finger tips.

I've been avoiding soya - but not to the extent of checking labels - just wouldn't use soya milk on my cornflakes anymore.
pen Hi sorry you are waiting for results - normal to be stressed and argue and shout ime. Try and take it easy - I find chocolate is essential for stress.

Very busy day today, parkrun, ice sculptures, The Hobbit, Curry at Omars. Tomorrow we are going to have to make room for dmil's furniture which we are going to "look after" while she rents out her house.
dGmil is in hospital still and they have phoned to say she is on the way out She is 99 though and not been so well for 18 months so it is hardly a surprise...

Waves to gig in french france and belated happy birthday to kk
mas about ses, nesquick sounds nice...

sandripples This is what the Polly, the Chinese Dr Lovely (the breast surgeon with the gentlest hands in the world) is currently advising, so perhaps we should be avoiding Soy. [[ http://bhc.hkbcf.org/habits.php]] She founded this charity, you can see how lovely she is in the founders message on the same website. However I'm going to decide that Soy sauce is OK. Friends and I decided a life without champagne and chocolates wasn't worth living and I would definitely add soy sauce to that list.

I am not doing well with the Mumsnet devices bhc.hkbcf.org/habits.php

Why did the website turn Chinese whilst I was linking? In the top right hand corner you can change it to English but this is what the relevant bit says &#9702;Studies have shown that soy beans can reduce the risk of breast cancer. Yet, there has not yet been conclusive evidence on whether or not plant estrogens in food such as soy beans and flaxseeds are connected with breast cancer. Women with high risk of breast cancer or receiving hormonal supplement therapy should control their intake of food that contains plant estrogens.

Hands, ESP fingers are v v sore and swollen- and still so dry- they look terrible- I shall wear my mittens constantly. Painkilling gels might be an idea - chilling them prob not as I have lousy circulation in hands - the chilled bits of supermarkets set them off and my fingers go numb and white.
Feeling very plain and fat too which makes me feel unacceptable - I am getting into horrid self critical mode.
Marrons glacé are sooo delicious.

maryanne your poor hands! I hope the mittens help. I've got rotten circulation and I've got several pairs of the fingerless sort so I don't have to walk around our heated house with purple hands.

Ma-in-law just popped round to wash my hair so I'm feeling knackered, but less ashamed of my wan face with greasy locks as I was before .

Sorry for misspelling your name...

MaryAnn - my gran had terrible hands and feet on chemo and she found Aveeno very helpful. She got it in prescription.

I had a terrible night and was awake googling thyroid cancer till about 4 am. I know all about it now.

Do any of you follow a special diet ? I am blaming myself for being unhealthy and will never eat junk again.

Stay away from the dreaded google pen unless its one of the uk cancer charities you'll get tons if misinformation! (And I speak from experience). And to blame diet or lifestyle is the road to madness. I lead a perfectly ok lifestyle, other than too little exercise. And too much stress. As far as I'm concerned its just one of those things.

Hi, Thank-you for all the comments re soya! I found the sight of all that Chinese quite reassuring in a way!

MAS - so sorry about your hands - now a bit of mindfullness might be needed for you today? Focussing on some beautiful things and all your lovely good points/talenst?

Ms Colada (sorry I just can't call you Penis!) - very important not to google - it will drive you insane and you don't have a diagnosis yet. I agree that getting cancer is just one of those things - I have reduced my alcohol intake to about one glass a week but I didn't drink heavily before and I find I don't like it much now anyway - it just makes me hot and stops me sleeping! I don't eat much processed meat although I do like ham. I think moderation is the thing - but alcohol and processed meat seem worth limiting IMO. And of course , when I remember, I eat lots of vegetables! I have always tended to eat loads of fruit and know I should try to boost the veggies esp the green elafy ones I'm not that keen on.

I found that cooking was a good distraction/therapy though, so its nice to experiment with healthy food if you also enjoy cooking it.

I've just amended my Christmas order to be more vegan now! (because of our guest).

Pen Whys and what ifs are as much of an enemy as Dr Google. Certainly in the case of Breast Cancer they really don't understand 90% of the risk anyway. Isn't environment heavily implicated in thyroid Cancer as well? As my wonky oncy said as she wrote down that I had breastfed two children to 18 months, never smoked, eaten healthily, exercised, drank the odd bottle glass of wine (some of it very odd, and in bus shelters), "well you did everything right but then so did most of the women who I treat". Anyway there is no point worrying about what you cannot change, or indeed what hasn't happened yet, though I know that is easier said than done.

MAS I also have zombie fingers at the very suggestion of minus temperatures. Your hands sound terrible, and constant chronic pain like that can bring you very low. I bet you are not at all plain and fat.

By the way wine was not implicated in my terrible handling of t'internet last night, chance would have been a fine thing, I was in fact on chauffeur duty and spent an hour on the motorway at midnight collecting DD from a party somewhere near France.

you are sweet copt and sr -yes,mindfulness would be good- am just feeling sorry for myself a bit.
pen have Aveeno on precription but they are still dry old husks ! actually Neutrogena is good as it's glycerine-y I think and that seals in moisture.
Do avoid google,it can really scare the crap out of you if you're not careful...

Pen, if it is thyroid cancer, 9 out of 10 are cured. It's good odds, if that cheers you up at all.
MAS, large hug for you/bracing tea/either/both. And for anyone else in need.

Nipping in to say hi. Am hiding out, as DS,DH and the cat are 'creating' our tree. Sounds quite epic from here!

Hi to PenisC. Great name! Sorry you're here, but stick around and let us distract you. We all get how horribly scary it is. It's why we're all still here really.

Kurri, I missed your birthday!! Hope the lemon cake was fab. Re present haul sounds rather good. You are most definitely not old. Repeat 3 times while dancing round your tree and you'll start to believe it.

MAS, your hands sound so sore. I think Co-codamol's a good idea too. You need sleep and it does help; I took it lots when I had my back problems. On calcium, I think chemo saps everything, so it's not that surprising. Sending you a huge hug. xx

SR, I avoid soy, as all my Oncs have told me to (I seem to have 3!).

Looma, hair washing sounds good. Strange how the smallest things make you feel a bit better.

Hope Gig's having a great time in French France, and Ned at her bro's wedding.

Waving to all who I've missed. Better go, as have told myself I am going to clean the bedrooms while the tree's being done downstairs. Strangely I keep managing to find other things to do..

smee don't clean the bathroom. Snuggle down on the sofa with a cup of coffee and half a bun as I am. Cleaning's much better left to the experts.

I snuggled on the sofa with a mince pie....
V sad news from a friend (went to art school together ) both her parents died (of strokes) within days of each other- so awful...and her dh has been dealing with cancer too- how crap is that.I wrote her a card when her mum died but she emailed to say that her dad had also died. Have emailed back but seems inadequate. She's up in N Yorkshire so difficult to do anything useful.

That's sad MAS. My mother had a whole series of strokes so I always thought that would be my fate too- as I've probably said before, Cancer just wasn't in my plan!
I hope you have a better day tomorrow.

I've worn myself out a bit today, but feel I've made Xmas-progress. I always feel stressed until I get all the cards finished, and have done so - walked round with the local ones. (well apart from 2-3 for people who live a bit out of the way - they may or may not receiver their cards...)

This year we're taking a Xmas lunch to DH's aged and rather infirm aunts on 23rd, then we've got 4 guests on 25th, including our vegan guest - have rejigged the plans and all will be fine.

Also stocked up on sticks and logs, and di some wrapping.

DS did arrive home late Friday but we've hardly seen him. Perhaps he'll drop in tomorrow when we're at work...

Anyone else watching Sports personality? Another nice chance to watch those glorious moments!

hooray for Wiggo !
Have just seen my cousin's post on fb revealing that she collects those scary Baby Reborn dolls- irksome !
Am off to town shortly to go to bank etc and later am heading out to coffee with 2 friends- carol concert this evening.
Waves to sr and love top all

MAS, that is sad. Your poor friend, she must feel so lost. How are feet and hands today? Hope not too bad. Good to hear you're getting out with friends.

SR, hope DS manages to stay in long enough for you to catch up. You'd be ever so stressed by my Christmas planning, I haven't even bought any Christmas cards yet.

Am feeling quite festive. Really must get organised. I have a list an arm long and still adding to it. Has anyone got any appointments this week?? I've just got a letter through to book a Dexa scan for bone density. Has anyone had one of those? I think they're quite easy/ stress-free?

Festive good mornings to you all

Wedding was excellent - had big family get together on Friday night, with lots of cousins I hadn't seen in ages, then coffee on Saturday morning with old friends I hadn't seen in ages and then lovely wedding. DS lasted until about 9pm then DH took him back to the hotel and I continued on the extremely fine dessert wine. . .

Managed to paint on a smile all weekend - no-one apart from my DSis knows that I am a bit under par at the moment, but I think I managed to play the convincing part of the "all better, moving on, here's to 2013, blah blah blah" person everyone was expecting me to be. Quite exhausting. . .

Have put one pic of gorgeous DS in his page's outfit on FB, will try to put it on here too, if I can figure out how to. . .

Out to lunch soon with friend, will have a proper read back of all posts this afternoon.

lots of love to everyone x x x x

yay ned -glad it was lovely, but sorry that you had to cover up real feelings- must be very draining. I want to see bridal pictures and ned in her finery ! Saw ds on fb,bless him
smee @ the no cards yet ! Today I bought Babycham and cheese footballs as a kind of retro urge-plus I have a proper Babycham glass and wanted to use it !
Hands still sore,feet are ok. Am going to paint my nails so that my hands lookl less gnarled.(though that might draw attention to them)

Ned, DS looks so very sweet. Was he proud to be all dressed up? Glad you had a lovely day, though the smiling through must have been tricky. You did amazingly to manage it all day!

MAS am not quite as useless as I seem, as have sent to people abroad. Felt v.smug as did that a couple of weeks ago, but it must have lulled me into a false sense of security.

When are you seeing your team next?? Is there really nothing more they can do for your hands and feet?

Painting nails is good - can you also slather hands in Aveno put on rubber gloves and put in warm water or keep warm? I ask as might help circulation and to soak the cream in (its what they do for manicures) . Does tesco not do babycham mas?

ned yay for wedding and llovely photo but am sorry you are still finding it tough. Did you ring dr lovely?

Had lovely lunch with work friends and finished my Xmas shopping - so can be smug now.

Adding French chock to trolley- had lovely wweekend In Paris.

Ooh when is scan smee? And you less mad busy with work?

copthall I need your help please- can you suggest ways to decipher Chinese characters. Bought some new cufflinks for dh from antique store but have no idea what they mean (probably something really dull or inappropriate ).

Is this any good? www.yellowbridge.com/chinese/chinese-dictionary.php

Not sure what can be done,maybe reducing dosage further ? Ity's a bit tricky as hands should be kept cool but then my fingers go numb- can't win !
Never mind though, found Babycham in Iceland,as well as cheeese footballs - yay !
I need to buy proper wine for dh from T - he loves Gewurtztraminer (not T) -then that should be it (though no doubt will still panic)
Had nice coffee with friends and am seeing a friend from London who is coming out to lunch tomorrow.
T still at carol concert rehearsal -he's certainly not at home anyway.

gigs It can be hard even with a dictionary to match up characters, especially if they are not simplified, as there are 10,000 of them and some are difficult to distinguish and a single stroke can make it into something else entirely. You can get apps but I would worry about Google translate syndrome (Friends and I were once having a conversation about Mad Men in google translate Italian - when Betty went to Rome- and we got suspended because we had said something really rude ) My Chinese lecturer enjoyed reading what people had had tattooed on themselves, clearly no one intends to be tattooed with "brush". Also if the word has no character, like Christmas, it will be assembled with a bunch of homophones. I'd always check with a Chinese friend, no substitute for years of learning . I would pop down to the Jun Ming, they are Hong Kong Cantonese but the characters are the same, and the owner lives in Copthall, daughter at you know where. I keep meaning to check up what it says on my Christmas tree decorations, there is definitely a man character on there, so not Happy Christmas .

smee Worst thing about the bone density scan is getting from the changing room to the machine in the horrid gown, otherwise it's just a narrow circular band that whizzes around your hips and spine, doesn't take long. You get a score that compares you to the average for your age.

I am now half way through Christmas cards I'd let myself get intimidated by all the custom made family portraits and round robin letters, one American friend had posted all her daughters' accomplishments entirely in Greek "inducted into Phi Beta Kappa. What an accomplishment! That's our girl!" "By the end of the Quarter we had a Kappa Alpha Theta in our family..Who would have guessed???" Seems a bit sad to send back a picture of a Polar Bear and "Lovely to hear your news, We are all fine" ...

Must go, to finish cards before we go to Theatre tonight. Alan Bennetts people at the National. We saw the Hobbit last night, we all loved it so must be a family of sad geeks if the reviews are to be believed. Also for the purposes of visualisation humongous numbers of orcs/ goblins / Cancer cells were slain whilst Richard Armitage can now be added to the band of handsome immune system defenders I therefore felt it safe to eat Agadashe tofu at the Japanese restaurant after

to everyone MAS Babycham in proper glasses? in the bus shelter?

copt am terribly excited about the usual round robin from my dad's cousin- it's always a cracker...

Gig I've messaged you the recipe at last! - It looks like a huge essay, buut it's simple really.

MAS -sorry to hear about your friend - how awful for her

Ned - glad the wedding went well, I'd love to see DS in his pageboy outfit if you can get a picture on your profile
Doing the happy public face is exhausting when you are down, but it sounds as if you coped well

Don't overdo the cleaning Smee.

waving to Copt, Lola, Amber and SR and everyone - sorry my posting is sporadic - I'm very disorganized atm, and have had a dodgy tummy over the weekend - involving dashes to the loo - TMI.

Cheese footballs in Iceland - I must go there tomorrow and get some.

DD has made some amazing marzipan shortbread biscuits, they are delicious.
She has been offered position of church organist for local church, and local primary school has asked her to be the accompanist for their choir after starting next term, - so she is much in demand.

MAS To be honest that is one we look forward to every year. It gives DD1 a chance to point out that she beat both girls in the swimming gala when she was 10 and they accused her of cheating, and then went off in strop accusing the gala organisers of being amateurs compared to American galas.....

Anyway just popped on to say I found our Bus Shelter! It was in an exhibition of photos in the National Theatre and I like the idea we are all staring out to sea, always good for the spirits (not just alcoholic) and MASs babycham glasses won't look out of place www.flickr.com/photos/ianbramham/6596909039/

Impressive bus shelter copt !
Dd v clever and obviously talented kk - well done to her.
T's carol concert v lovely - great singing- he seemed to be the only pupil in the senior choir - all the rest staff - there is a yr 10 person too but wasn't there . He isn't singing in the school concert on Thurs though - was given the option but chose to give it a miss

MAS It wasn't that great an accomplishment. She didn't swim after we left Hong Kong, many even more scary athletes in her UK school, and too cold!

Oh! misread that

and sure your dd is hugely talented too !
uh- the round robin I mentioned on facebook- just realised that others rellies connected to dad's cousin are on facebook...I got an email round robin from their father (my dad's cousin) today too- they are hugely impressively athletic playing hockey ,doing dressage etc at high levels out in NZ (really,not an exaggeration -they take after their grandparent's family who were all very sportily gifted - what hap[pened to me ?)

You are very talented but modest mas- we no longer get round robin fom dh cousin as dh took the piss one year and sent a spoof one back .

Thanks for recipe kurri - it looks fab (and not too late).

copthall at wrong Xmas decoration- I may take your advice and ask at jun Ming. Or just risk that cuff links say something like dumb gweilo.... Love the bus shelter- however surely you could lend some of your spare Xmas decorations to festive it up.

Need to get up as taking the mini gigs in to visit Xmas London and see dad in the office but need as mini gig paid us a nocturnal visit (and dh too soft to put her back in her cot).

I have decided not to got to work this week. Is it normal to cry every time you talk about it ?

I don't want people to know about it as I don't want to talk about it. Is that normal ?

I am enjoying being at home for a change as I usually work full time. It has made me realise how hectic my life is usually and how much I would love to work part time.

Only 2 days to go now.

Tis thread is really helping me thanks.

Yes absolutely normal on both counts- I am 10 months on and even now am still a bit reluctant to talk about it. What are you up to today to help pass the time penis?

Also talking of rants, have had a 1 year development check letter about mini gig. Given I had less than fuck all contact with hv for big gig, I am sure this is cos of my dx. I had hv visit and ring me and she gave me such rage (mainly cos couldn't hide her look of astonishment that I could walk and talk even though I had cancer ) that I can't trust myself not to be rude.

I know you can tell hv to butt out but I am cconcerned that I am some sort of "watch list" thanks to my idiotic helpful Gp who was one who set up extra hv call.

I may of course be paranoid .

Just for you kurri - have put a picture of DS being a pageboy on my profile. . . At least, I hope I have! Let me know if its not there

I am actually working at home today and after I am up to date with paperwork I will go sick tomorrow.

I work with people with long term disabilities and illnesses a lot of them terminal and I think it makes it all much worse to cope with. I may have a change of career direction after this.

Gigo would the hv just be offering support ? Try not to be paranoid. Some people in your situation would need extra help but you obviously do not ! Think of her as a safety net.

Gigs if HV does the "head tilt , how are you" thing , then you have our permission to beat her to death with a Christmas ornament !

Love the bus shelter Cop .
Looks too classy for us though ...

Morning Penis
Perfectly normal .
Just do what you need to do to get through the next couple of days !

It's cold here this morning .
So I am staying wrapped up in my sofa blanky .
Who's in charge of breakfast today ?

Morning Pen. Sounds like you're still working, just from home, so don't add guilt to your burdens. Only two days to go, so fill them with things that you enjoy and try not to think about it too much. I can well imagine your work setting might make matters worse. In my case one of my junior colleagues was DX a few months ago and I had to be the strong one for her (she's all recovered as far as I know, post Mx). Now I fear every time I'll see her it will remind me of my own situation. .

I'm sitting here looking at two gorgeous bouquets that arrived yesterday: one from my work colleagues and one from DH's. I don't know which is the more touching. Actually, in a way I do: DH's haven't even met me - how's that for sweet sympathy?

Yet isn't it weird that I totally understand Gigs' annoyance at HV being overly sympathetic. I don't want to be defined by my illness and despite the wonder of the flowers from my colleagues, I'm hoping to goodness that whilst they ask me how I am when I return next month/year, that they then carry on as normal.

.

Hello ... I'm not sure if I'm on the correct thread so apologies if not

I'm looking for some advice / first hand experience of preventative mastectomy . I'm faced with the decision and to be totally honest , I am petrified ! . I'm still young so this is hard .

Can someone point me in the right direction ? TIA

"I'm still young so this is quite hard ...."

Sorry that sounds ridiculous ! It's hard no matter what age , I didn't mean it in that sense ...

I mean I'm still young so the thought of living without my own breasts is worrying me . Iykwim ?!

Oh crumbs Jingle I have no experience in this area, but I'm sure someone will come along soon enough to give you some sound advice.

smee will be able to help jingle -she has had a mastectomyu for cancer plus a preventative mastectomy.
pen lots of hugs- be gentle and kind to yourself -I can see that your work situation would be difficult when you are in this waiting position.Waves to gig -and loma and topsy
gig think pen is right about hv just checking in in case you aren't coping- she'll see how well you are getting on with stuff and hopefully back off
Have a fab day in that London- how lovely- I remember taking T up for the day and dropping in on dh's office

I've had one Jingle. What do you want to know?? Am guessing you have a family history? With me, I had a mastectomy due to BC in 2010. It was pretty aggressive, so though they told me I didn't need to, I talked them into removing the other breast last year. I now have silicon implants and no need of a bra. Sorry to trivialise as it is such a huge thing to do, but it's not all doom and gloom. Ask me anything you want.

Looma, flowers sound lovely, but I do so get what you mean.Has reminded me of some of the cards I received on diagnosis. A lot were like ones you send for funerals, so lilies and similar. I threw them straight in the bin.

Gig, the head tilt thing is most definitely justifiable grounds for bauble bashing someone over the head. You'd have thought a HV would know better, but sometimes they're the worst I think.

Ned, that pic's adorable. Was he the only Page boy, or were there more? How are you? Hopefully not too overwhelmed by Christmas. I seem to remember looking forward to it mightily when I finished treatment, but feeling exhausted by the thought of it too.

penis, took me an age before I could say cancer without crying, so I'd say it's normal too.

MAS, how are the hands and feet today? Any improvement? We have a round robin from DH's uncle. It rhymes (v.badly) and is always a high spot.

Waving to all others. How are you all?? I'm still feeling festive though have done bugger all about getting organised.

smee did you hear the round robin spoof reply by Lynne Truss on Today (BBC Radio 4) today? It was hilarious. You can listen again to it (and yesterday's) at news.bbc.co.uk/today/hi/today/newsid_9779000/9779537.stm

Thanks Looma, will go and have a listen. I love her.

Thanks smee!

I'm going for the implants too . I think I'm more worried about how it will look afterwards... As there's obviously no going back !

I kind of got my head around it , by thinking yay a boob job , but my nurse explained how its different and now I'm a bit wobbly again

Do they look ok?
Do they feel uncomfortable ?
Is it really different to having natural breasts ?

Also, because there is no breast tissue like with a cosmetic boob job, do they look / feel ok or look really different ?

I don't want to wake up from the op and freak out !

Really appreciate you helping .

Oh and yes it's a strong family history and I'm a gene carrier.

Jingle, they take a bit of getting used to. I think you get a far more natural feel from the other reconstruction options, but implants are a far easier op. Few answers for you:

Do they look okay? Well yes, mine are absurdly perky for a 46 year old. I have no nipples (yet!), as those went with mastectomy, so I have a Frankenstein type scar all the way across. My choice as I opted to remove as much tissue as was humanely possible, but I'd imagine you'll keep yours which means you won't have such visible scars. If so that'll help with the look a lot.

Uncomfortable? Hmm... feels a bit like wearing on overly supportive bra all the time, but that is getting a bit easier and to be honest I've got used to it. I get quite a lot of nerve pain (tingling and some shooting pains), as they have to cut some nerves to remove the tissue. I don't think that's to do with the implants, but is mastectomy related.

With that in mind, it's worth knowing about something called Post Mastectomy Pain Syndrome (PMPS), so chronic pain which can follow mastectomy. Not all women get it, but it's increasingly well documented. I'm not talking about immediate post op pain, but long term pain. I'm 2 years on from first mastectomy and have quite a lot of low level pain/ discomfort. For me it's fine as I can cope so long as it's not cancer, but can imagine it might be harder to square if you're doing it purely preventatively. Definitely worth asking your surgeon about though.

Also ask your surgeon if she's using the new mesh implant option? I'm not sure what it's called, but it's relatively new and involved using some animal skin (I think) as a support hammock type thing. Apparently that gives a far more natural support and feel and is more comfortable than the cruder version I had.

So yes, it is very different to having natural breasts. No denying it isn't. But I still have skin sensation, so that still feels nice and let's face it it's a heck of a lot better than having cancer.

Hth. Ask anything you want. I really don't mind.

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply

I've decided to keep my nipple as I just can't get my head around losing those yet .

I have talked through the other ops with the nurse & have decided to go for the implants . I've got young children, one being a baby and the other ops are just not an option for me right now .

Hmmm I've never heard of the post op pain you mentioned . Is it constant ?

I'll definitely ask about the new mesh support - this has never been mentioned.

Can I ask , if you don't mind , how did you feel emotionally when you woke up?

Did you want to look at them straight away? I really can't see me wanting to look?

Also, how did your DP / DH react to your new boobs ? (You don't have to answer that !)

In a way I'm a bit more positive because after years of breast feeding , my boobs are saggy and empty ! Or "droopy " and with "no volume" as my consultant kindly put it . So on the plus side they'll be put back to where they should be !

I hadn't heard of the post op pain either. It's the sort of thing they don't tell you! I'd say with mine it's not constant, but I am in pain every day, usually when I'm tired. It's totally bearable in my case and just annoying, but there have been women who find it overwhelming. You have to remember that for many it's totally fine though. Trouble is you never know if you'll fall into that bracket or not. Odds are you will.

When I woke the first time, I was just hugely relieved as the cancer was gone, the surgeon said she'd got clear margins and that was all that mattered. The second time was also a relief as the op was over, but I've found it hard to look in the mirror. Am getting there with that now, but remember I have Frankenstein's scars, so that doesn't help!

My DH is kind of like me, so we were both freaked by the cancer diagnosis, so losing the breasts were just necessity at first. He's been lovely about them though and seems to approve!

Basically I think it's a really tough call, but let's face it you've got it in your head now. I know with my preventative side, I told myself I had to do all I could to avoid recurrence. That way if cancer ever did come back I could look at my son and know I'd done all I could. Just my way of getting through, but it felt hugely positive in a scary sort of way. Sort of like taking back control of my body.

+ yes none-saggy breasts are funny and fab after breast feeding. I was hoping mine would double as a buoyancy aid when I swim, but sadly they don't.

That's the way I'm looking at it too - the whole "I know I did what I could".

I lost my mum to cancer fairly recently and she was in get 40s ; as was her mum, so I'm pretty scared about the whole thing.

If / when my dd is in this position when she is older , she can (hopefully) look at me and see that I've done everything I could to be here for her .

I cry about it most days because op day is looming ! It must have been very scary for you to have to go through that as well as the cancer .

My consultant has said that if I don't get it done , then I'm playing Russian roulette with my life . So feel I have no choice .

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply .

And everyone else , I'm sorry for hijacking your thread !

Jingle it's not for me to say, as I'm new to the thread myself, but it's certainly not hijacking as far as I'm concerned. Sadly, very much on-topic.

All the best from me with my mere one-sided Franckensteinness (I had the areola complex removed from one breast under surgery last week due to Paget's disease).

My DH said something lovely to me yesterday when I was quietly moaning about being 'deformed'. He said he views it as being a bit like that female war journalist (Colvin) who lost an eye. It's a war wound to be worn bravely. I rather like that.

Apologies for being a wimp, and having said that, but I'm dreading how I'll respond to how it looks when the bandages come off. A dear friend of mine said if I'm worried, I shouldn't look .

Hi all, - I braved the shops this morning and that's it - not going into town again before Christmas - it's a nightmare, but I had to get a b'day pressie for DD (inconveniently born on Dec 29th the troublemaker) and I wanted to avoid having to go out after Christmas.

Ned - thanks for photo, - little Ned looks absolutely adorable as usual in his pageboy outfit. He is getting tall isn't he? he is one gorgeous boy

Penis - crying absolutely normal - it is very very early days for you, - you are still in shock and having to deal with waiting and anxiety - you are bound to be emotionally on edge. You are very wise to take some time off if you are finding it hard to cope with talking to colleagues - do whatever you need to, to get through this hard part, and hang out here for hand holding and cake

Jingle - I don't know anything about preventive mastectomy, but I have had a mastectomy after cancer DX, - in some ways it is probably a little to easier to handle if you actually have cancer because you just want it gone, and the op is part of that. But you have a big decision to make and you are bound to be apprehensive especially if you are young.

All I can say is, in hindsight from the viewpoint of going through cancer, if I had had the opportunity to prevent my cancer by having a mastectomy I would have done no question. I know its not the same situation as you are in, but hope different views are helpful and what you are after

As for pain etc. - I did have some pain afterwards in my chest - and some itching, but this has all calmed down a lot now. - Also I had radiotherapy which may have caused some of the effects. I don't know if there are any young women's groups in your area, - you might find them helpful, there are definitely different issues for younger women and talking to others in a similar situation can often help. I wish you loads of luck anyway, and happy to answer any questions about the surgery that I can help with.

Oh and you aren't hijacking, you are very welcome

Loma - that's a lovely thing your DH said - he sounds a good chap. And I think he is right. xx

Love to all - MAS I have my Iceland cheese footballs and twiglets - thanks for the tip (also some poundland walnut whips)

Thank you Kurri - you've made a very good point about having the chance to prevent cancer rather than having the cancer .

I know in that sense I am "lucky" to have the chance before I get cancer .

Due to my risk for ovarian cancer being high too, I'm also having my ovaries removed.

I'm still not sure when yet though as I'm in limbo as to whether my family is complete . DH on the other hand is certain there won't be any more baby jingles !

stick around jingles - you are certainly not hijacking the thread and are most welcome.
Hands much the same dear smee - think this is how they'll be really- not intolerable,more pesky than anything else.
I heard the Lynn Truss this morning - v funny - will forward the link to dad who will appreciate it. The round robin turned out to be quite dull- fascinating facts revealed-that they enjoyed watching tv together,particularly cooking programmes and that their son had a new cat (a Maine Coon which actually was interesting to me)
They got another from a Swedish friend who lives on the Cote d'Azur but I didnn't bother reading it.

meant to say- had nice lunch out with old school pal - was lovely- took her to have coffee with my olds who were delighted to see her.

jingleupthehighway I am 11 years post mastectomy and in the last 11 years I have met a lot of women who have had various sorts of breast surgery and I think smee may be very unlucky, or my friends lucky? I haven't heard of anyone having the post op pain smee mentions but I had read about it and that you can get the same sensations as amputees, of the boob still being there. (smee that is annoying and unlucky, will it fade as the nerves grow back? I would say most of my sensation had returned to entirely normal by 3 years post op) The only problem I had post mastectomy was the numbness which if someone touched the numb area felt a bit like the throb you get with an electric shock. However that was only if someone touched it firmly, bras, prosthesis etc weren't a problem. It improved in the first months, very quickly at first but then more slowly and now I have all normal sensation back apart from a very small numb patch at the back of my armpit.

My friend who has a strong family history, not one of the known genes but the researchers are sure she has one they have yet to identify. She caught a lump very early 10 years ago but has just had a recurrence in a lymph node, she has been treated successfully and has just had her ovaries removed but that feeling it is lying in wait is always there, just hoping medical science is going to have moved on enough to treat it if it happens again. As indeed it has, since she has been treated entirely by a hormone specialist whereas with a lymph node involved 10 years ago I had chemo even though my tumour was also very Estrogen positive. However I am sure she would say the peace of mind will be worth it.

I obviously woke to a flat chest, I was sad but also relieved to have got rid of the Cancer. I couldn't look at first but after my hair went as well I stood in front of the mirror and realised the dread was the worst thing, once it had happened I realised it was still me and I hadn't lost anything that really mattered. DH said the same.

pen It is entirely normal, and certainly how I felt. Apart from the shock and coming to terms with what is actually happening we all have lots of preconceptions and emotional issues with the word Cancer to deal with, in ourselves and others, even though they don't apply to our illness because Cancer isn't one illness, as we all know it is many. It helped me to do the telling to people by email, I know it sounds emotionally crippled but I just found it easier to get it over with and deal with people's reaction from behind a barrier. I'm afraid I even did that to my parents and closest friends but they understood.

gigs It might be worse than dumb gweilo though!!! You know the Chinese characters used colloquially for the round windowed Jardine Building in Hong Kong spell out House of a Thousand Arseholes .

I think the HVs have a brief to act if there is the slightest additional load to a family. I inadvertently mentioned at a pre natal class that my Mum had post natal depression. I didn't, in fact with a healthy baby after all the miscarriages and infertility I was on Cloud 9, but the HV who took the class wouldn't stop hovering for the first few months with questionnaires to find out if you were depressed which asked things like Do you feel sad? Then of course once disco queen cot hurdling DD could run she did, everywhere very fast, and was a specialist at nutting the skirting boards and door frames, and escaping Houdini style from harnesses in prams and shopping trolleys. Every trip to Casualty was followed by the HV visiting with deep suspicion etched all over her face. I only lost it once when DD2 was 3weeks old, our car was stolen, and DD had vaulted out of the pram (in spite of 3 harnesses) on the 3 mile walk to nursery and she looked at me as if I was pathetic and said "Some women have to cope with that all the time" when I finally conceded I was finding it a bit stressful with the added burden of spending 2/3 hours walking DD to nursery and back twice a day!!....... I am sure she was evil and I was not being paranoid!! I think you have every right to say I am coping fine, no problems, goodbye and thanks.

MAS Perhaps our next thread should be in the bus shelter with the babycham glasses giggling over the round robins, the one that was all greek to me was from Hawaii " the family had a fabulous summer enjoying their own backyard and one of the world's largest and most spectacular swimming pools where people venture on their lifetime holidays on a regular basis" Just like Twickenham really......

Will listen to Lynne Truss. Does she start, as Hawaii friend does " Each year it seems to get profoundly sweeter to go through the exercise of summing up the current year" ??? I must stop, she is actually a very nice person and I do think there is something to be said for American enthusiasm.

Cards sent off, and now off to shops for late night smash and grab raid. Topsy smee etc. You need not panic, you have loads of time [panics]

copt !!

trying not to panic, though have just bought my mum a lovely scarf type thing, which I'm sure she'll love.

Copt, yes I am just unlucky. I hadn't heard of it at all, but my surgeon (now!) tells me it's estimated 20% of us have chronic pain. Good chance it will fade and it's really not too bad, so Jingle, don't let it put you off. I only mentioned it because I wish I'd known about it. Very unlikely to happen to you though, as you're not having node removal, which reduces the risk.

Lynne Truss made me giggle. DH's uncle is death and health obsessed, so he has created an astonishingly medicalised verse. Favourite has to be 'dry macular degeneration' with 'medication'. Surely a world first.

HND, how are you? Are you keeping busy?

So much to do here... Not sure where to start, so might just make a list. Will that make me feel better or worse?!

MAS, when do you see the team again? Is it before Christmas? Seems unlikely now, as it's so close. [eek!]

Kurri, what did you buy for DD? Are you less busy now?

I also have post op pain Smee
And bizarrely I get such an itch in my missing boob !
It's the weirdest feeling

JIngle - I second (third? fourth?) the idea that pain is connected with node removal, they do a lot of rummaging around and damage nerves etc. when they remove them - so hopefully you may manage to avoid that kind of nerve pain.

topsy - I get the itching in a non existant boob - it is such an odd feeling, and scratching doesn't deal with it. I also get a kind of acute pain round my chest - feels almost like cramp and lasts maybe 30 secs then goes - I'm guessing that is a nerve thing too, - anyone else get that? or am I a total weirdo?

Been out to a Christmas party at my art club tonight, which was fun. Very foggy driving home and we nearly hit a deer - it was a young one and was just standing in the middle of the road, - have to say that seeing it close up in the mist, it looked really beautiful and mysterious.

Smee, I have got DD some stuff so she can do felting, a book with instructions and projects, some wool and a sort of mat thing that you rub the wool on to make the felt, - I think she'll enjoy doing it she likes doing crafts. I also got her the DVD of the Woman in Black, so that is her sorted, - I won't have to brave the shops just after Christmas and fight my way through the professional sale goers!

Tonight was the last time I'll see one of my dearest friends for a while, - she is off to America for 3 months to visit her DD, - I have been given strict instructions to e-mail her all the gossip while she's away I'll really miss her - we do loads of stuff together.

Presents for dd sound great kk - sorry that you'll miss your friend though -
* smee* am seeing Onc on Friday so I expect I 'll be given next round of chemo. It's secondary bc group festive lunch tomorrow.

MAS Enjoy your lunch. I hope it works as a spport group, it really is brilliant when it works. I hope next dose gets reduced again.

Presumably everyone has had sentinel node removal? It was just coming in when I had my surgery so some of us had it and some of us had the whole, another quaint saying, mat, out. I must be very very lucky because they removed all my Lymph nodes, and yet I have got away with no lymphodemia or pain / phantom pain etc. so far. I do worry though that it is waiting down the line. I had lymphatic massage in Hong Kong, part of the Breast Cancer Centre Dr Polly set up but not found anyone here to trust with my lymphatic system. Has anyone?

I don't get the itch thing - lots of sun burn type feelings, but if you're a weirdo then I'm one too, Kurri. Sounds v.familiar - completely freaked me at first as was convinced it must be recurrence. Though actually my preventative mastectomy did me a massive favour with our old friend Miss Paranoia, as I get similar pains on both sides. Most unlikely that it's cancer in the preventative side, so it means I relax more about the cancer side iyswim.

Shame about your friend going, Kurri, but she'll be back before you know it.
Presents for your DD sound lovely. Can just see you both curled up terrified in front of 'Woman in Black' creating weird things out of felt

MAS, am glad you're seeing Onc. Even if they say there's nothing much they can do about your hands and feet, it will maybe help to hear their take on them. Lunch sounds like a treat. Is it? Can imagine it's a bit of an odd one, but hope it's fun along the way.

Right, am off to bed. Hopefully to sleep. Last night was a bit useless.. zzzz (hopefully!)

Looks like no sleep again for me tonight. This waiting is complete torture.

Hope you did manage a few hours pen Waiting for results is torture. Hi to jingle I'm a lumpectomy girl myself wonky boobs being well worth it if the cancer has gone.
Had interview yesterday, did ok but thought of lots of things should have said afterwards. Will hear after Christmas. Having furniture delivered today, can then start thinking of Christmas.
Waves to mas, kk, smee, copthal, ned, topsy, amber, gigs and loma - who've I missed out? Luffs you all. I'll put a on. Christmas buffet at work today wonder if we will have a prawn ring?

Morning all copthall- I would trust my massage lady (she is local) with lymph massage. She is only person I have felt happy to manipulate my scar - can pm you details if you want.

For penis - and lots of love as it is really the worst stage. I remember not believing people saying this to me but it is better when you know and have a plan.

kurri lunch sounds ace.

Day out was lovely - big gig loved it and mini gig seemed to. Off for last therapy and lunch with my cousin who has been a fantastic support (has ovarian cancer). We are off for dim sum.

But before that big gig has a play date- a bunch of over excited four year olds, what could go wrong?

good luck with the big gig friends and have a lovely dim sum.
Am looking forward to seeing the group today,though a bit nervous as don't know them really-=apart from the nurses...
sending pen lots of good vibes and fingers crossed for jane's job xxx

When is your apt Penis ?
Is it today ?

Mas enjoy the lunch .

Gigs think you should have wine with your dim sum , after the play date you are gonna need it ...

It is howling with wind and rain here this morning .
I have to wait in for a parcel today .
It's DDs main Christmas pressie .
And Argos have been repeatedly lying to me about it being delivered , so we shall see if it arrives !

Will keep everything crossed for the job Jane , and enjoy your prawn ring

prawn ring ! am marvelling at the horrors which are Iceland lasagne bites -eww

Oh it wouldn't be a party without a prawn ring (and in case of our recent Xmas dos, half defrosted Iceland type nibbles- I bet they got lasagne bites this year). Think that always happens with interviews (and exams) that you replay what you could have done jchoc. What is being delivered today?

Am sure lunch will be lovely mas

Have you got lots to watch while
You wait topsy? I have one more package to come .

Pen, (((hugs)))). We might sound mad saying waiting's the worst part, but it really is. Can we distract you with and inane natter?

Well done on the interview, Jane. Report back on the prawn ring. My Grandma once won a £2 voucher for Iceland in a raffle. She didn't pick up the prize as she didn't want to go to Iceland. She hadn't realised it was a shop.

Topsy, what's the pressie for DD?? Hope it arrives safely. When do your two break up? If they're anything like mine, they're already beyond excited. Really don't envy the teachers at this time of year.

Dim Sum sounds mmm, Gig. Remember to bring some back for the trolley.

Work's finally winding down for me. Have one last thing to do this morning and send off, then I think I'm free. Just have Christmas to organise then.

Am watching 2 episodes of Elementary whilst I wait .
Did all my housework yesterday (ignores the fact that pig/dog has performed German Shepherd Muddy Paw Art all over the kitchen floor)

Apparently (according to the Greatest Liars In The World - Argos) the iPad is on the Yodel van for delivery today
Will believe that when its actually in my hand !

The DC and DH all finish work and school at lunch time on Friday .
Bang goes my peaceful house

Ooh, an iPad. that'll keep her quiet bet she'll be over the moon.

I've only got until 2pm tomorrow and the school concert's in the morning, so that's just today really. eek..

About cleaning- cleaner called in sick so I will be doing it (unless can get nanny2 to do some. Nanny1 would have it all done by lunchtime usually but she is off on holiday after today so is busy getting a fix of mini gig). Am not going to attempt any cleaning til post play date tho .

I expect in certain Mn areas the suggestion would be for big gig to help. I suspect that would be about as much help as roping pig dog in.

Good luck with yodel- I am never filled with confidence when I see their name as delivery outfit.

T wouldn't be much good at helping with cleaning- too distracted plus it wouldn't get done to my satisfaction (uptight obsessive emoticon)
I shall clean tomorrow...
He breaks up at lunchtime on Friday - I probably won't be back from hospital to make sure PE kit and raincoat are brought home and not left mouldering in his locker.
Righto, off to tidy myself in readiness for outing.

gigs Can you not ring one of the agencies to get a cleaner. I have used Molly Maid and they were fine.

I would love name of massage lady. She will cope with the mutilation tactfully? I have been sensitive since being completely humiliated by reflexology woman who refused to treat me, didn't do Cancer apparently....

Imperial China? Yum.

MAS DDs student flat decided to indulge themselves in a night in with Iceland party food since their Mums do NOT go to Iceland. They said it was disgusting, and they do not have high standards....

Now in full panic mode, haven't slept, have to be on plane tomorrow and now feeling very evil as I have to take goon dog to prison for Christmas and he knows because his food has been put in car. He keeps hopefully giving me his best Collie stare....

Gig, have put some pics on my profile to show you how to harness mini-Gig.

Have a nice outing, MAS.

smee today's Today Lynne Truss spoof is halfway down on this page (saving you the five minute hunt I just had): news.bbc.co.uk/today/hi/today/newsid_9779000/9779836.stm

I'm currently lying half collapsed on my sofa having been to the local hairdresser's (good) on foot (probably overambitious). I was feeling better yesterday so I hitched a ride to the local library, but along with doing a tiny bit of washing up and probably walking around the house resulted in a night of discomfort. Crazy isn't it? I keep on hearing in my head the surgeon telling me that the breast is a superficial organ and I should be right as rain in a couple of days. Either I'm a fuss-pot, or he's talking nonsense.

Hope everyone's enjoying the grey chilly weather. A good excuse for a chocolate madelaine (just retrieved the last one to have with my coffee). Bliss.

Yes doesn't flinch (massaged me when had a line too) as has worked with lots of cancer patients. She is also qualified in reflexology . Will pm you details.
And will definitely bring some dim sum back (am off to one on baker st copthall) .

Luckily super nanny nanny 1 and 2 are helping out so need of help. Am very lucky now after my woes with the previous nanny.

loma surgeon is a dick idiot- see how well he would be doing a few days later if we lopped a bit of him off and filled him full of opiates.

smee can't see profile pics - am I being daft?

And mas enjoy your lunch.

Thanks Gigondas you make me laugh out loud! I was thinking the same, particularly if it was a similarly - um - sensitive part of his anatomy.

at Gigs, though she's right Lomaamina, he is an arse. Anaesthetic alone knocks you for ages. Thanks for link.

Gigs, not sure why you can't see pics. They're only open to mums net mates, but I have clicked your name and it's there. Try again? If anyone wants to see them and can't I can add you.

Smug alert (or should that read skin of teeth alert), as have just posted Christmas cards and final parcels. Still lots of shopping to do though..

am back- it was very nice- the gathering though food not brilliant,but never mind -wsas nice to see the others and bcns were very jolly.
The Lynne Truss was very good this morning !
I missed the bit about loma's surgeon- bah !

This ought to distract you penis
com/Talk/_chat/1640263-funny-secret-santa-backfire-horrible-tense-xmas-party bad work party

Lunch was lovely- honey pork puffs and char siu buns especially (sorry mas).

And smee still can't see profile .

Did everyone's deliveries turn up?

And loma hope you are resting up.

kurri aren't you due to get involved in a bunfight - it has been a while ?

Loma It is your Consultant who is the superficial organ......

Er...not sure why you can't see profile, Gig. Can anyone else see it? Maybe I don't exist. Does that mean I don't have to buy Christmas presents?

Tee hee at Copthall and yes, thanks Gigondas resting with my feet up and doing some 'superficial' work: reviewing research proposals, assessing coursework, y'know... My brain works reasonably well in a prone position, thankfully .

n.b. looking forward to doing battle with our jobsworth admin who will be demanding a 'fit to return to work' letter when I go back in the new year (not wanting to out myself, but we're closed over the xmas period), even though I only took four actual days of sick leave - i.e. only four days that didn't involve working from home. Not sure whether I have the energy to do battle with the battle-axe or if I'll roll over and get her wretched piece of paper from the doc. Can anyone explain the logic of these notes to me? Apparently the doctor doesn't need to examine me in order to certify I'm fit to work . Where's the logic to that?

Appt tomorrow lunchtime.

I have kept busy today done Xmas shopping. I have some codeine I will take tonight as my mind just races and goes round and round and round every night.

If the diagnosis is one of the bad thyroid cancers I don't know how I will cope.

Pen I will be thinking of you tomorrow. Be strong. There's every chance this is something manageable and treatable.

Come back and tell us your news if you feel up to it.

pen - if it is bad news I'm sure you will cope- I bet everyone on here though they wouldn't but you do,as you've no choice really - am keeping everything crossed for good news though.
char sui buns- yum yum- wish we'd had them for lunch !

Can't tell you not to worry, Pen but whatever they say it'll be a relief just to know. And whatever you face, MAS is right. If we can do it, so can you.

Penis will be thinking of you tomorrow lunchtime .
Whatever it is , once you've had some time to get your head around it , you WILL cope .
I know it doesn't feel like it now , but you will .

<Sniffs char Sui rolls suspiciously , decides not poisonous , snarfs 1/2 dozen in one mouthful>

iPad mini arrived !!!
I did not spend the afternoon playing with it .
I merely turned it on to check it didn't need charging ...


Glass of wine for anyone ?

I don't know all of your back story peniscolada , and I'm a very newbie here , but I'll also be thinking of you tomorrow .

Pen - keeping everything crossed for you for tomorrow, - we will all be thinking of you. Smee is right, knowing is better than anxiously waiting, and you will cope and deal with it in your own way, the professionals are there to help you with that side of things just as much as the physical stuff, and will support you too.

Gig - I do need to get into a bunfight, but I've been so busy I haven't had time - just need someone to post 'AIBU to have given all my money to a psychic' and I'll be on the case

Glad you enjoyed your lunch MAS

loma - your surgeon is mad as fifty badgers mistaken over the operation recovery time

Smee I can't access your profile either .
You hate me don't you ... ?

Ohh I just got a semi nasty personal message from someone I reported for spamming saying jealous so I am officially stepping into kurris shoes .

Yes to - for some reason( probably not unrelated to small people waking at night and others being on holiday ) I am done in.

Penis will be thinking of you tomorrow and you will cope - there is a Whole spectrum of dx types here but as you can see we are still living life despite the ups and downs of this bastard disease.

What is odd as well is that I feel absolutely fine, apart from the anxiety and panic, and have no symptoms apart from a very slight slight swelling that my GP could not see so feel it is all a bad dream and not real at all.

Thanks for the support this thread is wonderful.

at nasty PM Gig - some people are crazed loons strange.

<Whispers> Smee I can't see your profile either, are you sure you have made it public?

Oh gigs I hope you re-report them. Shall we put together a possey to defend you against the nasty beast?

If it makes you feel better penis, I should have known that its not normal to have a swelling that ended up the size of a small football on your backside (in my defence I was pregnant so was told not much could be done til I popped). So I how daft did I feel .

And if it is small then chances are will be early- woman at work was treated and has been clear 5 years.

Oh I agree kurri there are some right loons about. But I do enjoy the pre Xmas lunacy (not the sad ones about relationship) - the ones about Xmas parties (there seems to be a spate of dps confusing bedrooms and toilets) or the plethora of mil ones.

P.s. I know that's not spelled right, but I have in my mind us all in cowboy gear saddling up to ride into the desert.

Hallucinating on paracetamol? Moi?

Can we dress up with sparkly cowgirl hats?

What about the madly long SIL saga (ill behaved kids in restaurant)? Enthralling!

Oh I loved that - I also got quite into some of the longer term relationship posts which I am sure is not what they are there for.

gigandis Defoe.

Giving up Cross-posting with myself will be my New Years resolution by the way.

Joins posse [loves a punch up emoticon] puts on cowboy hat and chaps (is that what they are called those sort of backless frontless trousers thingies?) anyway whatever they are called, I'm going for the cowboy in Village People look.

Along with learning how to cancel iPhone auto spelling option...

Maybe I should have a hard hat so I could be the builder (and yes it was reported).

I always wondered what chaps are. Confused them in my mind with spurs. Could be painful

Right. I must stop and pay attention to poor DH who's only just finished the double load of chores.

Sleep well everyone!

Loma

Can I be the Policeman?? I rock the moustache look.

Have fixed profile. Not at all sure what I did. Pics were to inspire Gig to harness DC for housework. My poor DS..

Love the fact that you started him early on the Smee

Yes you should be the policeman [or was it the biker who had a huge porn star moustache, - or maybe they both did. Not that I'm suggesting you have one (I do obviously, and a beard as well)]

Hope everyone knows all the words to Macho Man.

I really must go to bed.

Morning all! My house is stuffed full of furniture from mils house. Dh did sell giveaway pine table and 4 chairs and wicker and two lloyd loom type chairs. Pity we didn't have space /time to advertise them... now have white comfy sofas in living room which is good, but dining room/hall full of other stuff beds white goods... aaargh. Good we are away for Christmas!
There was a prawn ring yesterday, but people weren't that keen. Mostly it was pizza and pakoras. And improperly defrosted puddings impossible to get out of plastic packaging without squashing...
Love the pictures smee have one of ds somewhere with broom at end of my grans 90th birthday 19 years ago. Ds is 20
Went to musicians centre last night to see massed ukeles had to sit through lots of singers of varying quality - you could have performed as village people there

www.lyrics007.com/Village%20People%20Lyrics/Macho%20Man%20Lyrics.html

In the navy is my personal fave

Agh what have I started! Thanks to you I now have the top hit of my childhood (gawd help me)* playing through my head!

* The 70s was definitely the decade that good taste forgot.

Just returning to reality: I woke up to an email from my HoD asking me how I'm recuperating. Nice? No. It was a message at the top of an email forwarded on about something completely trivial and non- urgent that she wanted to bring to my attention. Grr and gah.

<reaches for Brain Bleach as Macho Macho Man plays on a loop in my head>

I do have a rather lovely photo of me wearing a (real) policemans hat .
My friends refer to me as PC Plum in it !
I shall put it up on our Facebook group , and then we'll see who gets to play the Cop in The Village People !

It's quite special that photo. Personally I enjoy a bit of 70s totp or smooth 70s as there was so much shite.

Why thank you Gigs
It's one of my personal faves

Thinking of you today Penis
Hope all goes well x

Mas are you back with the Onc tomorrow ?

Anyone else with apts ?

Hi

Just popping by to say Happy Christmas to all, in spite of whatever aches and pains people may be going through. off in a very few hours.

Obviously we are now doing YMCA in the Bus Shelter........ DD went to Bestival last year and was most excited to be seeing not her usual indie bands but... Village People . She said the tent was packed to overflowing! I still have a knitting pattern book that my partner of the 70s had added speech bubbles to as an expression of his dim view of living with a 20 something that knitted. All the jolly cheezy models are singing "In the Navy" and other Village People lyrics or saying "shaushages" (remember the dog that said shaushages?)

pcplum**topsy yes,oncs tomorrow !
Am, doing a bit of dustoing around the christmas cards and decs and then venturing out to get something for T's lunch tomorrow (finish at lunchtime) and some festive treats as friend is calling round tomorrow afternoon- also cheeses,as that's my buying job...

Morning all, popping in to wish Pen loads of luck today - we'll be thinking of you lovely xx

Happy Christmas to Copt - have a good journey and wonderful time

jchoc - I quite fancy seeing a massed ukelele band - they always look good fun. Saw one on the telly once playing 'Smells Like Teen Spirit' - it was surprisingly not naff .

topsy I think we need to see the PC Plum photo on your profile before we can award you the cop role. I have a picture of DH in a cowboy suit, which I think qualifies me for cowboy. Go Weeeeeeeeeeeeest!

Loma - to the e-mail, - ignore or send rude reply 'I would be recuperation better if i wasn't plagued with work requests'

My new years resolution is to organize myself onto FB, so I can see all these photos

DH's work has done a cringingly awful gangnam style video - changing the lyrics to stuff about scientists (it includes the words 'sexy scientists' - deluded or what?) it is on Youtube and is very bad. DH thinks its good (he is 'dancing' about in the background) DD says it is the saddest thing she has ever seen

Oops pressed post by mistake - I have to do cheese buying too MAS, - sainsbury's have doubled the price of some of their usual cheeses (cheeky buggers) Waitrose is probably cheaper now!

Go easy on the dusting, and good luck with appointment tomorrow. (Are you starting another cycle of chemo tomorrow?)

funny you mention ukeleles - am thinking of trying one ! Saw that Teen Spirit version on youtube only yesterday ! Am off to investigate scientists now....
Looks as though I'll have a new round of chemo prescribed,though bcn yesterday thought my hands still looked bad..will see Have only dusted a bit.

MAS - you can get electric ukeleles now - I saw one in a shop the other day, and coveted it.

I will link to the scientists here - I warn you its awful. Dh appears at about 3.19 in room with two women - he's at the back. And at the end he is dancing out of time with everyone else

electric - ooh !
bah- the link says the video is private

Oh - I didn't realise that, how odd - presumably it's too embarrassing for public viewing

For your listening pleasure: Lynne Truss on Radio 4 spoof response to round-robins: news.bbc.co.uk/today/hi/today/newsid_9780000/9780176.stm. Tis rather short today!

Fairy cakes made and cooling .
Will need to be iced in whatever garish colour DD decides on shortly !

Any news from Pen ?

They are almost sure I have papillary thyroid cancer. Op booked for mid January.

I guess as far as cancer goes it is one of the better ones to get.

I am pretty shocked and numb. All the talk of major surgery scares me stupid.

Was just popping in to see. I was meant to be doing stuff with big gig but after the hell on earth that was the playgroup party this morning, I persuaded big gig to have a rest with me. Now am acting as a bed for mini gig so its all go herE.

I can imagine the icing wont be subtle topsy but would imagine she is beyond putting her finger onto each cake to taste.

Ocado was doing 4 for price of 4 on cheese and they normally follow waitrose on offers kuri. I would have liked to see that video.

Have a good trip copthall

loma how are you doing?

That's 5 for 4 and it was nice stinky French stuff too .

Hi everyone

Sorry been a bit absent - still very wobbly and and finding it hard to keep up with everything. Fed up of feeling like this. . . Tried to rearrange appointment for home visit with Dr Lovely, but she is off until 3rd January. Freaked out a bit at not being able to see anyone til then. Managed to speak to lovely receptionist who sent an emergency message to the other docs and spoke to Dr Just as Lovely. Had almost an hour with him yesterday morning. Was completely worn out for the rest of the day. Its such hard work being this miserable. . .

Also have torn some fat boy ligament in my ankle, falling down the stairs. And yes, I was stone cold sober at the time. My foot is an impressive shade of purple. . .

Just pissed off with it all.

Sorry - self indulgent post again. Will go away for a bit and try to get myself sorted out.

Sending loads of love to you all - sorry for being so crap and not keeping up. Must try harder. . .

Pen - massive hugs, of course you are shocked and numb sweetheart, - it is a scary thing, - we've all been there and truly we understand the emotions bombarding you at the moment.

Its good news that it's one of the less nasty types - hang on to that thought.

Yes, you have a long haul to go through, there's no denying that, but it is the start of the road to recovery. Surgery and whatever treatment you have afterwards are your weapons against the bastard, and scary and horrible as it is, it is doable. You will get through it a step at a time, deal with each new treatment as it comes up, and do whatever you have to to cope through it.

And remember your hospital team and GP are there to help you cope, whether through counselling, relaxation, anti- depressants or whatever you and they think might help you, - take whatever help is available to you. Local cancer support groups and centres can be very good for talking to people who 'get' what you are dealing with.

You are shocked and shattered, you've been through a tough couple of weeks with bad news at the end, so you will need a little time to get your head round it all.

But you will surprise yourself with your own strength and coping ability my dear, you really will.

Two things - which you can take or leave, but they helped me. The day I was DX my GP gave me valium and sleeping pills to help me through the first few days, they will prescribe it over the phone if you think you are going to have trouble sleeping.
secondly - I know the weather is lousy, but I found fresh air and a walk each day really did help, - I don't know why, it just did.

Much love, stick around and let us support you. xx

x-posted Ned <hugs> for you too lovely. Sorry you are having a wobble, - I know that sick of it all feeling, - the shitty weather and not being able to do much doesn't help. Glad you managed to chat to Dr Just as Lovely though.

Have you got any arnica ointment? - DD had a big bruise on her foot a couple of weeks ago, and the arnica really took the swelling down, there's also stuff you can get called 'bruiseze' which is pretty good too.

Pen hugs darling - and you will get through this. I can't better kurris advice on coping. Also try to eat (whatever you can) and be aware that drinking may depress you further .

ned hugs for you-it is unbelievably hard at time. Is there any chance of regular counselling slot?

And I am pretty sure this is type lady at work had- as I said she is clear and neck scarring is minimal.

My mother also had surgery on her throat for cancer - it was hard but she did cope and as with lady at work scarring did disappear after a while.

Gigondas thanks for asking! I'm okayyyyyyyyyy, but feeling a bit breathless. I'm not sleeping because of the discomfort and soreness. I thought I'd feel better by now, but ho hum.

It's been a very quiet day. Two girlfriends separately had to cancel visits because of family commitments so I felt sorry for myself for a while then decided to not be a wimp and managed to do some work (fuelled by cake, I have to admit).

One suggested popping round early evening - 8ish - and I felt bad having to say that I'll be too weary by then (truth be told I'll be in my pyjamas and not wanting to chat). She's coming round tomorrow with her two rumbunctious littleuns. I hope I don't seem too anti-social to be half looking forward to seeing my lovely friend and half wishing I didn't have to entertain her gorgeous DC at the same time. .

Thanks. I am not worried about scars. I have the mn scarf !

I just want it gone and the treatment over and my life to be back to normal.

My normal will never be the same though.

Do you think my GP would sign me off for a couple of weeks or so to get my head together ? I really could not face work and am due back in 27th. I will go in before the op but just need a bit of time to get to grips with this first.

Apologies. I was composing the above and only just saw pen's news - and I was thinking about you today, checking in intermittently. I'm dreadfully sorry to hear this.

Have you got people around who can support you in RL? Take whatever you can from friends and family. I know they'll want to do their bit to take you through the process. For me it helped after DX to focus on understanding the treatment plan and what's in store. The www.cancerresearchuk.org/cancer-help/ site has useful info, in my experience.

All my best wishes, loma

Yes I do and I think it is a good idea (especially since I think you said your work involves some aspects that might be particularly hard at this time).

Lomas advice about Macmillan is good too.

I think that getting op out the way will really help you so focus on that.

Thanks kurri and gig

I am seeing Doctor Just as Lovely again on Monday - he asked me if it was helpful to see someone regularly and I said it was, and he said that medicine was losing sight of this sort of need, with targets and boxes to tick, and that if this was what I needed, it was their duty to provide it. He's such a nice doc, he made me cry even more by being so nice. He also put a note on my records to say I should be booked in that day if I ring up. He's going to ring the counselling service too that I self-referred to, to keep them in the picture. He said I should be offered CBT. IS that what you had gig?

Part of me feels so self indulgent and needy and attention seeking. . .

penis sorry, I missed your news. You're over the first hurdle now, with a diagnosis. Now you need to ready yourself for the next step on the journey. We've all been down this path before, so we can hold your hand, mop up your tears and support you every step of the way. Hand on to the positive prognosis and the fact that the docs are acting quickly to give you the best chances. Stick with us, lovely, and we can get you through it x x

And loma that sounds normal- I assume you are dosed up on painkillers too so that makes you feel groggy. Get in your pjs and rest (I lived in my onesie post op).

I have had Cbt (but my ongoing therapy is psychodynamic so much more about deep rooted issues and how they affect you- can be difficult at time). Good Cbt helps you "cope"- identify flash points and ways to deal with them. It is useful I think for a worry or anxiety. I think it falls down if your issue is more deep seated or depression related . For example I started seeing my therapist after losing a baby- that kind of thing doesn't really work so well with Cbt.

Maybe not right for me then gig d'you think? Should I be asking for something else instead? Is it possible to have a combination of different sorts of counselling in parallel?

It is possible but they tend to like you to do one sort at a time. Tbh given what you have said I would agree that Cbt probably not appropriate.

pen everything's been shifted around and won't feel normal for a while, but it will be; just a reshaped normal!

Gigondas I've just texted friend with kiddies back to cancel. I'm a bit miffed, TBH. She could have come today, but was busy shopping for extra presents (all day ??).

Ned your doctor sounds lovely. How is it self-indulgent to be cared for by someone in the caring profession (I ask rhetorically).

Now I sound self-indulgent and grabbie, but I've helped said friend with loads of stuff in recent months (e.g. professional advice - given freely and happily, with no expectation for anything in return) and she hasn't found the time to visit for the past week, despite being off work with kiddies at school. What can you do? You find out who your real friends are at times like this.

Oh Pen. . It is good that it's one of the better types, but still, bloody cancer. Grr for you. Stay here with us. We really can help you through. xx

Ned, Dr JustasLovely sounds well... lovely!! You're doing everything right you know. Might not feel like it, but you really are. And stop apologising. Might sound weird, but it kind of helps me knowing others find it tough after treatment's finished. It normalises how I felt. Not that I'd wish it on any of us, but there's a lot to be said for normal. xx

You definitely find out who your true friends are Loma. Mostly mine were amazing, but one just disappeared. Have never fathomed out why and still feel sad about it.

MAS, hope tomorrow's okay. Am assuming it's just a general catch up appt, so not too stressful?

Topsy, that police look suits you.

And Kurri, I want to see DH dancing. DS is obsessed with Gangham Style and gallops round the house singing it.

Been out for lovely lunch with old friend, and had DS's carol concert this morning too, so a festive day in Smeeland. Haven't quite finished work though, so had better get on. Waving to all I've missed.

Thanks everyone. Looks like I will be a resident of this thread from now on.

Sorry I can't offer much support at the moment but when I am back on my feet I will do my best .

pen hugs and offerings of rum truffle cakes- well done for getting through the results bit- and ys,I think you should ask to be signed off as work will no doubt churn up all ki9nds of stuff and you need to get your head around your own diagnosis and impending op. Am glad it;'s a 'better' kind of cancer to have,if that makes sense.
Enormous hugs for my lovely ned - you are having a tough time of this - agree that CBT might not be the thing for you- 'tis more useful for folk like me with ocd ness. How lovely your docs are though- I think regular visits will be very helpful (I did this with my bcn- as and when neeeded I'd ring and see her)

I have cheeses ! I got : emmenthal; camembert;Blacksticks BlueStilton,Wensleydale with apricots,English goat , smoked chjeese and some interesting French thing in a little box

Pen, large unmumsnetty hug for you. Shock is v normal. so are all other emotions, in any order at all.

Ned, equally large unmumsnetty hug for you too. Surround yourself with anyone and anything you can hug and feel safe with. And don't apologise for how you feel - and you're absolutely not being selfish etc. There are no prizes for being Stiff Upper Lip, nor for not being. It's all fine.

After a week where I've spent half of it in tears, struggling through norovirus hitting whole household inc me, and sh**ty argument with an old friend, I'm in need of so shall leave some out. I think I'm over the worst of it now, which is good.

Amber, poor you! I had no idea you'd got norovirus. Grim indeed. And a row too? sounds essential. Is your son home from Uni yet? Hope he hasn't got the bug too.

Yup, FineLad got it too, as did dh and dsis
Ooo look, more !!!
'evening all.

blimey, am glad this is just a virtual chat! <pours wine for Amber>

<picks Amber off the floor and places her gently back on the sofa , tucks blankie round her , leaves 2 annadin and a large glass of water , tiptoes quietly back out of the room>

Pen sorry you got shitty news today , glad it's one of the more controllable ones though .
Definitely give the GP a ring tomorrow , work will still be there when you are ready to go back .
You need a few days for the news to sink in .
Be kind to yourself , and hang out here as much as you want to .

Ned big gentle squeezes to you .
You are not being self indulgent , you need to be kind to yourself too .

Mas good luck with your Onc tomorrow .

Night night everyone .
<wanders off to bed humming Macho Macho Man ...>

Pen - I'm sure the GP will sign you off, they are usually very good about such things, and the emotional impact of cancer is taken a seriously as the physical side.
You need some time to gather your thoughts, time off is a good idea.

Amber - about norovirus - poor you, it sounds horrible. And about row with your friend - hope you can get that sorted out soon.

Smee - I might be able to put the dancing up tomorrow or next day, - apparently the powers that be at DH's work, deemed it 'offensive' after a complaint was made by someone, so some judicious editing has been taking place.

Good luck at the onc. tomorrow MAS - hope all goes well.

night night topsykins

pen really sorry to hear your news, do ask for a sicknote of you need one as kk said.
Funny day here. Got phone call saying I was to be offered that job I went for! But need to negotiate as want to appoint at bottom of scale which is pay cut... but better prospects. Awards evening for dd1 so late home. Nnight, yawn...

I'll put a on…

Please - been up since 4 so need ...

That's good about job jchoc although how much of an issue is the pay scale.

well the apocalypse hasn't happened yet !
Hope you can get your time off booked pen - am sure they will agree it's a good plan.

Thanks for the messages. Now I am thinking about going into work for the 3 weeks before surgery as it will make the time to quicker and I don't feel unwell just upset and worried.

I am due to work 27 th and 28 th and it will be quiet at work so I will go in and see how I get on.

Would it be unreasonable of me to ask my managers for no sympathy or discussion about it ? I am ok until someone is sympathetic.

Can I ask how to deal with the nights ? I lay awake last night worrying and the realisation that I will have to live without my thyroid for life is sinking in. What can I do to stop the thoughts that are unbearable at night ! I don't really want medication to sleep as I hate taking meds (ironic)

Mas will be able to give you tips on visualisation techniques . They should help you clear your mind and help you with getting some sleep Pen

Although realistically , you aren't going to relax till you have fully taken in what is happening to you .
We were/are all the same .
You almost have to go through a grieving process for the life you thought you were going to have , before you can accept your new life .

As the ever wise Amber once put it "welcome to the new normal"

Jane congrats on the job . Is there any hope of bumping up the pay scale ?

World hasn't ended here yet either .
Although the DC break up for Christmas at 11.45 , so there's time yet

DD made fairy cakes yesterday , anyone care to risk one ?
We have custard yellow or blood red icing ???