Mumsnet Talk

I'm sorry I have namechanged as I dont want to be recognize by friends who also use mumsnet.

I have been now drinking heavily for a year, we are talking a bottle of wine sometimes 2 a night mixed with sparkling water. I have became addicted because I 'm stressed and needed an escape, a relief..but now I'm suffering. I put on a lot of weight, cant sleep at night...I know its all bad, no good excuses really. I want to stop but I'm unable. I'm going to see my gp on monday and ask for help as I dont want my life ruined. Sorry for sharing this with you, but I just need to know if anyone has been in my situation and has recovered and is now happy ? Can I really get better ?

I have been through periods of what I feel have been too much alcohol. About the same amount as you. At the moment I make a point of having 4 alcohol free days a week. At first it was hard but once I could see the benefits of it, feeling better in the morning, loosing weight, it becomes easier. You will also need to take a long hard look at the sources of stress in your life and cull any responsibilities that you can, and delegate or rearrange those that you can't. Your high stress levels are a sign that you are doing too much. Respond to that and you won't feel the need to medicate with the wine so much.

Thank you bouli for sharing your experience with me ! I hope the source of my stress is going to be sorted next week and I also now work 4 days instead of 5. I'm just scared of what I became, I feel ashamed, guilty...The worst is when I was in holidays not long ago, I didnt drink at all so could there be some hope ?

of course there's hope.....

do you have much support in RL..?

I suggest you try and get some help from [[http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/ AA].

Admiting you have a problem and seeking help is a huge step.

Are any of your friends/family aware of how much you are drinking? If you ask for help people are usually falling over themselves to give it. People might be worried about offering help in case you take offense and shut them out.

My close frind was in your situation. She died 3 weeks ago leaving 3 dcs. Her PM showed that she was nowhere near as damaged from the alcohol as she thought. She believed there was no point in stopping as she had gone too far. Not the happy recovery story you asked for but it illustrates the necessity of getting help.

aa

of course there's hope! I bet there's a lot of us on MN that know we are drinking way too much.

I've had a few problems with booze in the past too.

I now drink around 4 cans of lager on a Friday, a bottle of wine (each) on a Sat and perhaps another on a Sunday. But this is after we'd cut back drastically.

We both used to drink everyday, esp when we lived in France. And whilst the French will only have a drink whilst they are eating, we just carried on.

For us it was a social thing, we were having fun and in France we spoke better and relaxed more when we'd had a few. Also out of boredom, when there's no-one else to talk to. We hardly get out so our weekend is just drinking wine. We'd probably drink more if we got out with friends though.

Try taking baby steps.

Firstly, name one day a week when you won't touch a drop. Just one day. Get yourself a replacement for this day. Coke is the only other thing I can drink, but there are lovely non-alcoholic drinks out there like J2O.

Once you are happy with that, try having a glass of water every time you have a glass of wine. It'll fill you up and stop you from becoming dehydrated. If I do this I usually end up cutting back by up to 2 glasses.

If you drink with your partner, make sure that your glass always has more in than them, so when they top you up, you are getting less. I always do this now, I never drain the glass so I ensure I drink less than dh (sod his health!)

Once you are happy cutting out wine for one day a week, try two days. Calculate how much money you are saving and buy yourself something nice with the money you've saved. You could probably afford a really nice haircut at the end of a month, or a beauty treatment.

At the end of two months you've probably saved enough to have a really nice meal somewhere.

You've been brave enough to admit that you have a problem, that's the first step. Just go slowly and make sure you acknowledge every achievement you make.

Best of luck!

Daftpunk - Only dh knows I have a problem, before I have started this thread, I called him, you know dh, I have a massive problem with alcohol and I'm scared..he said, once the source of stress is gone, you'll feel better and you are seeing your gp on monday..he is really supportive, I'm lucky.

Giggleloop - I'm so sorry about your friend, that is so sad, sometimes it is what I think, its maybe too late so why do anything..but I have to do something, alcohol define me at the moment and I hate it.

Rub-Its started in similars way for me, I didnt have much friends after I had ds, then I made some, and was invited everywhere, few times a week, and to get over the shyness I had to drink, the thing is now, I rely on drinking for every thing that goes wrong or is hard in my life..Its a circle

that's great that you have support in RL....and the fact that you have admitted you have a problem and want to solve it...well, you're half way there ...

you will need to find other ways of coping with stress, i know this might sound a bit lame...but i run...i run for hours sometimes, i forget everything and just focus on my heart beating....it's a great leveller...

keep posting.....

x

Thanks Daftpunk, that is really nice, I'm planning on running but what if I collapse ? I didnt do any exercise for yonks !

I'm going to show this thread to my dh.

I recognise that circle.

You need to find ways of boosting your confidence so you don't rely on alcohol.

Look, this is what alcohol can do for you socially. My dh, normally a really laid back and funny guy, whilst on hol in France drank a little too much.
We had invited friends round for a farewell drink and nibbles. I think dh was feeling stressed. He had around 4 glasses and got a bit tipsy. When one friend was describing her prairie dog he started making prairie dog noises.
I was sober and could see everyone pointedly ignoring him. I could tell by the looks on their faces that they knew he was tipsy and were just blanking him.
He was making really bad puns too.
Then he got up and stood in front of two people talking so they had to play head-bobbing to continue their conversation.
He also nearly told one of our friends that his dd was a prissy little madam, until I intervened.

I was shocked at his behaviour, but I could only see it because I was sober. Moreover, he had no idea what social embarrassments he caused. He thought the evening had gone really well.

So it just goes to show that you might think booze loosens you up and makes you more confident, but actually how do you know that it isn't doing the opposite?

Trying working on yourself. What can you do to make your life better? Can you enrol at a night class? Learn a foreign language? Once you busy yourself you'll realise that you have a lot to say and you don't need the booze to say it.

lololo

i like you....

you wont collapse, just start slowly...you know, don't try and take on Usain Bolt....take it slow for a few weeks, you will soon build up fitness and speed...(maybe check with your doctor that is ok to take up running)....

you will get through this.....

In the past when I've been drinking too much I've had to find another focus to stop the old habits creeping in. Last time it was the gym, every night I could manage, Not only did it distract me and get me fitter and thinner but I also didn't want to undo all the good work by adding a load of calories from booze.

Also, I used to say, "I'll have a drink tomorrow just not today" so I didn't feel like I was living like a nun. I kept on putting off tomorrow as long as poss.

Suddenly I realised how much nicer it is to wake up feeling good and not groggy and still tired. The first few weeks will be hard, you need to get as much support as possible and get everyone on your side.

If you have lapses just start again the next day. Good luck, it will be worth it!

Rub - A while ago, when I was out, I went out on empty stomac, ended up being very drunk, spent a lot of money on rounds of drink I couldnt afford. At the end of the evening, I felt very blue, cried (massive tears you wouldnt believe) and making a twat out of myself in the middle of the pub. And it was a birthday party, everybody was shocked at my behaviour. Now, it happened a couple of times. I tried to avoid to go out, but nobody understands why, they text me, go on just for a quick one and it is never a quick one, I end up the evening there, talk shit making them laught and then go home and cry and feel shit the day after. I have an evening out next week and the week after with girlfriends, I think I have managed to pull out out of the first one but I have to work on the second one. What if my friends think I'm snobbing them or they think I'm a freak or worst what if they guess I have a drink problem ?

Daftpunk - I have too, I have all my wednesday off so no excuses. I'll do it gently.

Twosilvers - Some weeks I was good but as soon as something happens even if it is milds, I'm going back to my old habits. I think I'm going to go to aa and try to be strong, I have too otherwise I'm going to lose everything.

I can also identify with this. After some trial and error behaviour to try and work out whether I thought I had an alcoholic-type problem or whether my drinking was more habitual, I concluded the latter, so have tried to work out some strategies to "break" the habit:

(i) (and the most effective), try to delay the time at which you have the first drink of the evening. As I work nearly full time, it's very easy to get home, pour myself a nice cold glass of white wine... and then keep topping it up while doing bath/bed routine, cooking dinner, watching TV..... If I don't have a drink before around 8pm then I find I don't really want one any more.

(ii) while delaying the drink, have lots of water - I find that sparkling water is the best. if it makes you feel better, pour it into a wine glass and add elderflower cordial. This sounds really corny but it then looks like a glass of wine and for some reason this seems to satisfy the "habit" craving.

(iii) if you're in a multistorey property, go upstairs and read (or do something else productive) rather than sitting in front of the TV or being anywhere near the fridge. I would find it weird to drink in the bedroom, so sitting on the bed and reading is the best. (my chain smoker Dad gave up smoking after 20 years by spending a week in his bedroom, on the basis that he had never in his life smoked in the bedroom and he would be safe in there)

(iv) agree with daftpunk re running - I recently started very low level running (half an hour three times a week) after doing no exercise for about ten years. It has (for me, anyway) made a big difference quite quickly.

(v) do not have any wine in the house. You are likely to have more will power at the purchasing stage than at the "shall I open the bottle" stage.

<considers whether there is anything else>

I still probably drink a bit more than is ideal, but there has been a significant improvement and I think things are now under control.....

<congratulates self for not name changing...>

DMF - just read your last post. Is there one of your friends who you could confide in / ask to help you drink less while out?

given all the reports in the press nowadays about the dangers of drinking could you suggest that everyone in the group makes a concerted effort to drink a bit less (so the focus isn't on you)?

Legal - I think my main trick could be to eat my dinner earlier let's say 6.30 instead of 8 or 9..I know that when after I eat my meal I dont feel the need anymore to drink..bizzare..

6 oclock, you can be sure, the bottle is opened, I carry it everyone while I'm doing some task. I'm going to give a go the elderflower cordial with cordial water..I'm drinking sparkling water with white wine but it doesnt make me less addicted.

I have confided in one friend but she never goes out with us..I'm scared to be open about it..honesty doesnt always pay !

You could just tell your friends in a light hearted way that you are having a few alcohol free weeks on the run up to Christmas.

Do you drive? If so, could you be the designated driver?

Legalalien's advice is good. At this stage you don't really know if you just have bad habits around alcohol or if you do have a reliance on it. After a few weeks it should be clearer to you.

DMF;

can i ask you something..

does your dh drink...?

Miss - Or I could say that the gp ordered me to stop drinking alcohol due to a bad stomach.

I rely on alcohol to make me escape and a boost as well when I'm tired.

From now on make sure that you eat at around 6-6.30. Drinking on an empty stomach is the worst thing you could do.

It sounds as though your friends are using you as the one who makes them laugh. Who makes you laugh? Do any of them make sure that you're ok to get home? Do they visit you during the week? Are these really friends or drinking buddies?

I would get a different circle of friends I really would. Real friends would have understood why you got pissed that weekend, they would have phoned you to make sure you were ok, they would have been concerned about you.

When I was drinking lots as a student, my then boyfriend (now dh) told one of my other friends that I'd had a drink in the morning before I went to see my mother.

This friend followed me around the nightclub that weekend going on and on about me drinking in the morning. He became a real pest and I went home early. But it taught me that he actually cared about me, cared enough to make a real nuisance of himself in order to get it through to me that I had a problem.

His attitude helped me to examine my own.

You shouldn't need to make excuses for why you don't want to go out drinking. But if this helps as an incentive, why not try a sponsored tee-total?

Get your friends to each sponsor you to go through a week without touching a drop, and raise money for a cause of your choosing. It might make them think about their attitudes and they'll see you in a different light. Plus you'll be doing something for a good cause, you'll have a great excuse not to drink and a good challenge for yourself.

Daft - No dh doesnt drink, only when he is out.Thanks for that !

Rub - I dont know how my friends will react to the full extent of my problems, my friends are mainly mum from school that I met few years ago, we always have a laught together..the question is will they accept me as a non drinking person,I'm scared to find out, will I still get invited, will they still answer to my invitations ?

The sponsoring idea is a good one, I could introduce it next time I see them and find a cause where to give the money !

Thank you all, its really kind from you to answer me !

that's good....it would be harder for you if he liked a few glasses of wine every night too....ha ha

listen.....best of luck ok, ....and take up running...!

ps;

what's your fave DM song...?