Mumsnet Talk

Am sick of my messages never getting through - I have had 7 attempts to reply to Cakes' last post- am starting a new thread ....
this is what I wrote anyway.....

righto, this i my 7th attempt to reply on this thread - everything keeps disappearing !
My assessment is on 25th,and am told to allow two hours for it,crikey !!
Saw a lady in town yesterday who was having rads and finished at about the same time as me and she's just seen the onc. for her follow up - they are running very behind I know- so I emailed to ask about mine - I tie myself in knots in trying to be assertive yet not too needy or a nuisance - I suppose I just like to feel that everything is done in order. Am not worrying about my health -am sure breast is fine and dandy, it's more my emotional state which troubles me.
Anyway, they have made me an appointment but it's at the same time as my assessment so have emailed back and left a phone message...arghh !
Special thoughts for RWU today and of course KurriKurri - hope all ok..and of course you Cakes and Morph.

Two hours! Crikey! Still, at least it will be thorough.

I think getting assertiveness right is a big problem, when I think I am being assertive dh says I am being aggressive, and I just can't seem to get it right. And the older i get the shirtier I get over little things as well, even though I am a right old softie at heart.

A few months ago the poor new head teacher at dd's primary school got it right between the eyes from me (via email) over an admin error: even I can see it was aggressive NOT assertive, with hindsight. I felt awful afterwards DH said i should have thought more before responding, as it was obviously a mistake. Oh dear, I bet the HT thinks I am a right old harriden now. Bet he looks at dd every day (she is a swot, always in his office) and pities her!

Absolutely right to chase them up for your appointment, sometimes if you don't make a bit of noise you can get lost in the rush. It would be worth talking to the BC people about your emotional state as well as about the breast: I bet it is all well within their experience. You have had a tough old time, so it is not surprising if you feel a bit tattered around the edges.

Like the golden light idea, and also love the sheer exotica of having a Buddhist mother! Get her to surround you with an extra dollop for a bit.

Love and cyber hand-holding to any who need it over the weekend!

(I have my first radio on Monday, but feeling pretty calm about it, at least for now, with several days still to go!)

xx

Am sending you a lovely glowing golden light for radio. - it'll be fine you'll see and you'll soon get into the routine of going,undressing,being arranged,zapped and out again !
Mum has tried all kind of religions in her time -was brought up a Catholic but she has found great comfort in Buddhism as it is so gentle and based on just living as well as you can and not harming others...I mix up Catholicism with bits of it to suit (hence my bedroom wardrobe top 'shrine' covering all bases !) She is good at stuff like meditation -am sure I am far too twitchy again for that.
I think I analyse everything I do far too much and then imagine other people's responses to me often getting myself in a state ! I feel that maybe I don't really need the follow up as I've seen my bcn twice subsequently to a)discuss tamoxifen and b) my ocd - so she has seen me and thinks I'm doing really well. But then part of me thinks that usually everyone has a follow up with the onc,so I should ask for it. Chances are I might see a bcn rather than onc. as they are so behind and our onc. is confident in bcn's abilities to do the check up (for surely it's just to maybe look at breast and make sure it's ok and that the tamox. is behaving ?) Arghh - see this will go round in my head now. Sorry - I do go on about me -I think I'm becoming very self obsessed !

Thanks for the glow!

FWIW (not much) I'd say have the follow-up. Just let them have a look and evaluate it, these things are arranged for a reason. I guess I feel this way because my BC was found almost by chance - ie was put on a pilot scheme for a mammogram - so almost didn't get caught. If they are offering you a check - have it. Unless stress levels are going to suffer, of course.

By the way -I am loving the concept of the biscuit face. Laughed like a drain when i saw it (but wish it looked less like a duck).

oh I shall go, it's arranged and everything..I need to just not think everything through until I don't know what's real or imaginary...
I'm waiting for an appropriate moment to use the biscuit emoticon...it's more of a cake...I wonder if they do a custard cream or digestive ?

Hello all, special thoughts for RWU today fingers very firmly crossed for her.

MAS, After I had RT, I had a check up/assessment from the radiologist (is that what the consultant is called?) - quick chat about how I was, physical check up of remaining breast and general area, and look at skin soreness. He then made arrangements for me to be transferred back to oncologist, and I was booked in for a check up with him. Again similar, checking breast area and planning my next treatment.

In my hospital I think you get two appointment because you are formally 'returned' to the oncologists care.

Anyway what I'm trying to say is, you may well get a further appointment at you assessment. If not I would ask about it. I've fallen through the crack of the system a couple of times and had to chase them up. Do not worry about seeming 'needy' etc. You need to be confident you are getting all the care you need - nothing wrong with that.

Also just wanted to say that I found MacMillan nurse very helpful when I was having a bit of an emotional panic, and so many racing thoughts I couldn't think straight. I had a good long talk with one and she was very helpful. - just listening and giving me tips on relaxation. They've got a website or your local hospital will have numbers. I've also found my Big C centre very good, but I realise not everyone has one of these locally.

Cakes very good luck with your RT, MAS is right you quickly get into the routine of it. Main advice - take a good book, sometimes machines break down and there is a bit of a wait. (unless that's just my hospital!!)

I'm OK, had treatment yesterday, they gave me some more sickness tabs. But I managed to bring them all up soon after I'd taken them - so bit of a waste of time. Feeling less yuk today though.

Love to all for the weekend, including Morph of course.

sorry that you were sick after treatment KurriKurri and hope you are feeling more chipper soon.
When my rads finished I was told to expect to see the onc. after about six weeks to follow up the rads - but this didn't happen,though I saw bcn a week after to discuss tamoxifen as I was still doubtful about it -she checked me over as I was burned and sore and gave me dressings. She then saw me in September so I could talk about all my ocd stuff again which was incredibly helpful -so I feel that I have been seen in a way. Our hospital apparently alternates the appointments,so you see the onc,then the surgeon at about 6 monthly intervals - I think that's what bcn said anyway.
I just hate to feel needy,I think that's it !!

hey RWU ! does that mean good news ?

it may be so! the scan indicates that the treatment may be doing something but they have been very quick to stress that although it may treat it won't cure- but thats ok in my book!

So i will continue with the chemo shots, and hopefully we will fit some low powered radio in at some point, the pain in my abdomen appears to be a fluid filled cyst pressing on my bladder and womb (apparently very common due to hormone imabalance etc with menopausal women??)- but there are that many toxic drugs going through my system atm that it is very unlikely that the cyst is anything more worrying, they will re-scan that in 4 weeks time to see what progression there is as they don't want to have to operate to remove it until my immune system shows some signs of life.

All in all it has been the first postive day for a long time, i cried on the way to the hospital, cried through the scan and smiled all the way home

off for ben and jerry's and wine to celebrate

Oh RWU so, so pleased you have had some positive news. Well done you. Go and get that Ben and Jerry's down you.

!! am so happy to hear that news RWU - double Ben and Jerry's for you xxxxxxxxx

ben and jerry's sucessfully inhaled dh thankfully unfortunatly doesn't like cookie dough so i had to do the honourable thing and eat the lot

Wine and blue cheese followed by B&J cookie dough ice cream- if ever i've heard of a healthy balanced meal then thats it!

Off to bed now for what will hopefully be non- drug induced GOOD sleep. night all x

Oh what FAN-BLOODY-TASTIC news!

I am so, so pleased. Good on yer girl!!

Have a lovely weekend doing whatever brings a smile to your face. [smile[

smiling, smiling, just keep smiling!!

oh, and to celebrate we went out and bought two new clothes airers- thats called living on the wild side

What are you going to do for an encore?

arf !!

hey Cakes - good luck with rads tomorrow !

good luck for radio cakes- may it be smooth and trouble free!

So todays 'yey' gift from dh....... wait for it....... <drumroll>..........













A new hoover dyson! do you think he is trying to hint at something? wonder what it will be tomorrow! Oh and a foot warmer thingy like old women have to warm up my poor neuropathy affected toes So i am off to watch the box in my flannelette pj's, with my feet in that doing some knitting <RWU wonders when she turned 80 >

ps the dyson was desparatly needed- last hoover went bang sometime last century and i haven't bothered since just incase anyone thought dh was a bit weird we were too tempted by the great deals in argos atm- twas not a desperate need on my behalf to start doing cleaning !

is it a fancy ball Dyson ?

Good luck for radio tomorrow Cakes.

i wish!! no it was a bog standard older version reduced to just over £100- would have loved the fancy schmancy one but the bank of dh said no! (tbh he baulked at £100- he was looking at the 'value' argos one for £20!!)

I think he now expects me to use it though- i don't do housework, EVER!!! and now i don't have an excuse lol although i could claim it is too heavy to carry up the stairs- and its probably not suitable for use on laminate so i could get away with just hoovering the lounge