Right MAS

I am going over to the other thread you have started. All your messages have popped up here at once, maybe it is becuase this thread is so large now, it often takes ages for me to load. Let's start with a shiny new one.

Am off to reply to you over there.

Perhaps we should stick on this thread and I'll look for it on Threads I'm On instead -avoids confusion I hope !
Anyway, this is what I was trying to post...

Am sick of my messages never getting through - I have had 7 attempts to reply to Cakes' last post- am starting a new thread ....
this is what I wrote anyway.....

righto, this i my 7th attempt to reply on this thread - everything keeps disappearing !
My assessment is on 25th,and am told to allow two hours for it,crikey !!
Saw a lady in town yesterday who was having rads and finished at about the same time as me and she's just seen the onc. for her follow up - they are running very behind I know- so I emailed to ask about mine - I tie myself in knots in trying to be assertive yet not too needy or a nuisance - I suppose I just like to feel that everything is done in order. Am not worrying about my health -am sure breast is fine and dandy, it's more my emotional state which troubles me.
Anyway, they have made me an appointment but it's at the same time as my assessment so have emailed back and left a phone message...arghh !
Special thoughts for RWU today and of course KurriKurri - hope all ok..and of course you Cakes and Morph.

no,still not working for me on favourites...
a candle is a lovely idea Cakes, especially nicely scented one. Am sending loving kindness and golden light,not too weirdy but a Buddhist thing...my mum who is one,surrounds loved ones with a golden light to protect them- always very comforting.

I think it's something to do with favourited threads - I have accessed this on 'threads I am on'...
is it worth continuing on this or trying the new one - don't want anyone to think we've gone AWOL

I know RWU doesn't set much store by what we (in our house) call "weirdy beardy" therapies and stuff, but I have lit a candle because i am thinking about her today as she goes for her scan.

It has a nice smell too, so we are all winners! (Kenneth Turner 'Blue Tangerine' MAS, as I know you are a connoisseur of smells)

well that worked, so maybe this thread is mended ?

have started a new thread as I can't get anything to come up on this thread here

Yeah I have had a few messages get lost as well!

Know what you mean about the anxiety as well - I am usually the least anxious person I know (too lazy to worry, I think) but i have felt a bit of anxiety over the last week, which is MOST unlike me.

maybe it settles down.

Have you got anything sorted ref your CBT?

do you know,it took me three goes to get this message to come out...this new format thing is crap

I do think it increases the 'influence' - after just 1 glass I feel aware of it ! also I do really think that my anxiety levels are getting higher than usual, so must keep an eye on that.

ooh yes, hot choc - perhaps with a wee whisky in it? A girl can dream..

Actually has anyone else found tamoxifen mixes a bit badly with wine? I went to a wedding on Saturday and had a few glasses of wine over the day - not loads, but it builds up with the toast, the meal, the party etc - and i felt decidedly odd. Think it must have been the tamox. Never felt that way before - anyone else? Or are you all to clean living to know?

make that hot choc for me...
good luck tomorrow RWU -thinking of you xxx and KurriKurri- hope treatment is ok this afternoon...will be watching Strictly with ds probably !!
I imagine I may get an invitation for swine flu,not because of bc obviously, but because of having no spleen (have had regular flu jab) - my immunity is meant to be compromised because of the spleenlessness - but am not bothered particularly..

Ha ha - personally horlicks and early nights sounds like bliss to me!

I have not been called for the swine flu vaccine yet, and not sure if i will be, as I have already had the bug itself. If I am called, not sure whether to have it or not. My own experience of the bug was that it was horrid (like all flu) but no worse than that. It was mid chemo, so was in hospital for the duration (5days), but as a precaution, not because it was awful. But equally, I know that some people will get very ill on it, so it is a difficult one to call.

Hope your treatment goes OK Kurri Kurri, with less of the crap side effects than normal.

AND GOOD LUCK TO YOU FOR TOMORROW, RWU - Fingers and everything crossed here until we hear back!!

xx

Morning all. Sorry about your rotten day on Tues. RWU, and the RT, burns are v. nasty. Very best wishes for Friday.

Has any one else been called up for swine flu vacc? My surgery phoned and said my GP wants me to come in for it next Tuesday. My consultant at the hospital was scathing about it last time I saw him - swine flu is over-hyped, the vacc. won't work and He's not going to have it etc. - so am in two minds. I think I'm inclining towards it - a few people at DH's work have had SF. Anyway I'm having treatment this afternoon, so will ask one of the unit nurses about it. I'm sure they're sick of questions about SF.

Hope all is well with everyone else. DD is coming home for the weekend which will be good - we can watch strictly from Blackpool, and eat fatty stuff!! My DS has moved away for work until after Christmas, he's been living here over the summer. So house has been quite empty, just me and DH rattling around - drinking horlicks and going to bed early - old fogeys?, who us?

RWU - No email received from you yet - not nagging, but just in case something has gone wrong addresswise...

Hi RWU

I am intrigued!
Gaaah!! at the burns and the lurgy - and the bloody doctor!!

not really a plot of mine!- regarding a sticky thread on here think you all deserve a bit of mn xmas loving

sheesh ! can see why you are in a grrrr mood... @ lovely,healthy bones
sorry to hear about burns and lurgy though
Am intruiged by this plot of yours,requiring addresses !

will sort out emails tomorrow ladies- need addy's by Sunday <cackle>

glad everyone is ok- my radio is on hold atm- had horrific burns almost straight away and then caught some kind of fierce lurgy which made them re-think! So atm its chemo, swamp gloop and cardboard as my primary defence from cancer have a scan friday to see what's happening- they should be able to tell then whether the intensive approach is going to work- if not we shall be dropping the mega overload and reverting to plan b which is less yuck treatments and having fun

I'm in a grrrr mood today- not sure why, just feel like i want to fight the world think its best i take the drugs and go to bed (sleeping tablets and di-hydracodeine make for a GREAT nights sleep )

Which reminds me i had a meds review with GP today- i get all pain meds and general gumph from doc but other meds from multi-disclipinary team usually. Anyway the conversation went a bit like
Doc "Morning Mrs RWU, how are we doing these days"
RWU " have you read the file?"
Doc "hmm, i'm just catching up .... now ah, right, so its not been plain sailing then?"
RWU "no, could say that- i've only come to get my meds back on repeat- Boots are doing my head in"
Doc "Right so... yes..... there are a lot of them though, maybe we could cut a few out?"
RWU "which ones? i figure if i get through a prescription in 4 weeks then its all exactly as i need "
Doc "hmm, well what about staring with the painkillers, we have Di-hydracodeine, Co-codamol, and Tramadol- they are very strong- do you think we could work out a way of weaning you off them?"
RWU <getting a tad narked> "maybe after christmas?"
Doc "hmm, also how about staring to remove the anti-depressants or sleep aids? Obviously we can't take away the calcium supplements and hormone therapy... But you must rattle when you walk at the moment haha"
RWU <totally lost plot by this point> "Right so if you get your way i'll be depressed and in pain but i'll have lovely healthy bones- great what a great way to go"
Doc "sorry, i was just thinking of a long term solution"
RWU <stomping out of the room> "WELL FECKING DON'T!"

Had to then try to speak with my usual lovely female doc who immediatly left everything as was and signed it off for six months before telling me to go and have a coffee and calm down Bloody Men!!!!

Just realise thats why i'm in the grrr mood !
Night all x

!

Forgot to mention (just in case it sounded like it was all parties here) - first weekend away was with DH's elderly family - two of whom had to be taken to the toilet repeatedly, and fished out of other people's weddings (we were in a big hotel), and asked us the same questions repeatedly. So it was not all hedonism by any means..

With you all the way MAS - I def think you have every right to be p-eed off. Just didn't want it to blight all future get-togethers. I am a great one for harbouring a grudge, despite my best efforts, so am not criticising you there!

have a good day! xx

you are right of course Cakes - but still...can forgive MIL as she has had a hard time of it with her own health..crikey, I must sound very self obsessed..
so sorry to hear about pesky thumb too - sound horrid.
Weekend away sounds great !! you deserve it I'm sure
ok, sorry to be brief,have to dash out...back later...love to all xxx

Hi all

MAS - all I can say is - sometimes people just do not know what to say. They are prob.just so scared of getting it wrong. I know it is not good, but they think that saying nothing is better than saying the wrong thing. Whereas of course, you'd forgive them saying the wrong thing -so try not to condemn them for this. Hard, I know. The people who blanked the issue after my Dad died (years ago) never quite recovered their place in my good books

RWU - I don't have CAT either, but use email address words@seachangecommunications.co.uk - drop me an email and I'll very happily reply with proper name and address. I will recognise you when you write. All very mysterious but exciting...

And if I get one from teatotal I shall know what to do with it!

So pleased SIL is doing good KurriKurri - does sound like a promising prognosis: could have been worse if your nagging voice did not have a life of its own, however.

Am also very jealous you got admiring glances - has been a while in my own case (despairing emoticon)

my own latest health horror is more mundane but really annoying - have a recurrence of the trigger thumb thing I get from too much typing. Absolute agony, so is all strapped up and I am popping anti-inflammatories like Smarties. Pain right the way up my arm and into the neck. Was due to have it operated on when they found I had BC, so am now off the list and NOT keen to get back on - fed up with hospitals for a bit!

Sitting here trying to persuade DH we CAN'T go away again for the weekend - have been away for the last 2 but have just had an offer of a bargain rate for a cottage we sometimes go to. (In case we sound like we are made of money - we haven't had a proper summer holiday and so have been getting away where and when we can - cheaply )

Definitely can't go - poor neighbour will be sick of looking after our rabbits, that's for sure! X Factor weekend for us this time around! (Down with John and Edward - and up all the Over 25s - especially Ollie with his funny leg dance thing!!!)
xx

am just here briefly -RWU -I don't have CAT but could send you my email address and do it that way ?
Am glad things are looking better for DSIL KurriKurri - love the thought of your imagined nagging encouraging her to get it checked
Regarding family not saying anything -I suppose they think that it's all over and out of mind so not something to ask about any more - am just a bit surprised that MIL didn't seem remotely interested. When I had my diagnosis and op etc one of my BILs and SIL completely ignored the whole thing,which really shocked me as I'd never ever do that -no phone call,no card -nothing. Sadly he was the brother who was closest to dh which surprised me even more,you'd think he'd at least have offered some brotherly support. Now,and I know it's extremely infantile of me,I just feel very cool and bristly about him and her - I'm generally very forgiving and give people loads of chances but this really hurt..grrrr.

pssst! there's no subtle way of doing this, i have been thinking of how to for weeks- i need all of your postal addresses can you cat me pls- and don't ask questions, i'm not coming to your house or anything but i've been asked to help out santa

Hello all, meant to come on earlier this afternoon, but have had to make a couple of phone calls and they were the type that put you on hold for half an hour while playing chillax music in your ear.

Sounds as if the wedding was fun Cakes glad your DD had a good time too. Hope you're feeling ok now MAS, I think sometimes people aren't sure what to say, so end up saying nothing at all which can be worse.

I spoke to DSIL at the weekend. She's home from hospital now, and was in good spirits. The doctors seem v. hopeful that surgery will be enough and no other treatment necessary. It was caught very early, she went to GP about a lump, that was biopsied and turned out to be benign, but the mammogram showed up a couple of patches of (they think) precancerous tissue.So mastectomy was advised.

She had reconstructive surgery at the same time. She's got a bit of an infection - has to pop back to hosp. for IV antibiotics, but other than that seems to be doing well. So I'm feeling a lot better about things now, she was her usual cheerful self.

She said the first lump was small, and she was inclined to ignore it, but then imagined my naggy old voice in her ear saying 'go to the doctor, go to the doctor.....'

Went for a nice swim this morning, and got winked at by a rather dubious old man in the jacuzzi. Obviously I am a bit of a babe as far as the over eighties are concerned .

Oh, yes, she does - just not aware of the term, sorry. Not got one today, though - hooray!!

INSET is the teacher's training day in school and day off for kids...doesn't dd have those ? just peeking in while dh has lunch !!!!!

Hi all

TT doesn't give up, does she? Sigh...

MAS - take comfort from the fact that you probably just look really well!

We were away for a wedding, first trip away together without DD (what are we like) - she had a blast and so did we!!

Feeling better on the tamoxifen now that I am taking it at night as they suggested, getting quite a few hot episodes, but not worried about that, could be much worse.

Back at school for the kids - yippee!

MAS - what is INSET?

And RWU - How is the radio going?

KurriKurri - hope SIL isd doing OK, do let us know.

Waves also the the currently silent MorphFan - hope you are feeling better - take it easy. Hope your consultant appt went OK.

xx

ds has INSET day today, but has to go in for his singing lesson,so up early,plus dh working from home today so not much chance to get on here...
I don't expect people to go over the top or anything but a word or two would have been nice,but never mind- told my SIL who was great - I think MIL is just very involved in her own situation.
Hope you all have a good week

welcome home! the teatotal post was probably more natural no-chemo shite- thankfully the link didn't work and i asked hq to politely advise her to go away and leave us alone (i did offer to do it in a less polite way but they got the hint that we weren't happy!)

Families! maybe they didn't know what to ask or say- my mil still expects bits of me to fall off if she hugs me too hard Hope you had a good weekend though, perhaps dh could mention that you felt a bit uncomfortable?

right, early night tonight as school run in the morning- no more 8am lie ins! sleep well all x

hi !! am back after 3 days away visiting MIL and dh's family in Notts. V v nice to be home, though it was great seeing family,but sooo tiring. Am so sorry too about your DSIL KurriKurri - feel free to say however you feel here, am sure she will feel comforted that she has you to talk to - it just must bring everything back to you though - thinking of her and sending lots of good thoughts.
RWU hope you are doing ok with radio, Cakes with your tamox. and Morph,hope all is ok with you.
What on earth was the post from teatotal ? crikey
Feel slightly let down (probably childishly so) because not a single family member asked me how I was/how the tamox. was going - I don't count my SIL in this as we communicate very frequently and she is always very kind and thoughtful - it just stung me a bit that not even my MIL asked me. I feel very silly for feeling like this

talk about not taking the hint some people must really enjoy being repeatedly booted up the arse!

Anyhow- will have a word with hq about any further 'suggestions' we seem to be the only thread she is bothering with- not sure if thats a good thing or not really.

Hope everyone is well and treatments are going fine- i remember someone was going away but can't for the life of me think who atm

RWU - I reported it earlier as well- talk about persistant!!!

aaaarrggghhh!! <<snigger>> the link doesn't even work [cackle] BUT don't take that as an invitation to put any further links up- i was only checking the content before i report it to HQ again!

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

Hi all

Me too - if anything is wrong with the pooter I always assume it is me! And it usually is...

All my bones ache - not sure if that is the tamoxifen or not. But am off to a wedding this weekend so i shall take paracetomol so I can party on!! ((Dd's first EVER sleepover away from us - going to her Gran's so we can stay away. She is 6 and a half What are we like??)

Hope SIL is OK KurriKurri.

Good weekend all!

'ello ladies- i am not ignoring but i can't cope with all the changes to mn <wibble> it hurts my eyes and head and makes me want to cry so i am not returning until things are back to the good old days normal

will keep you updated (lol at nosy )

Am sure she knows that. And that will count for a lot. Vent away - and let us know how she is (I am quite nosy)

Thanks Cakes - think I just needed to vent. I'll find her some nice smellies, also a good book or DVD for while she's recuperating. She likes period dramas, so will look for something in that line. Unfortunately we live a long way away, so can't give her a cuddle. But she's got a lovely DH, and her PIL's live near and seem v. nice, so am sure she will get loads of TLC and support. Just want her to know I'm here for her.

Hi KurriKurri

Thanks for that - I think I just need a bit of time to adjust, also to take it at night as they suggested (for completely ridiculous personal reasons I took it in the morning - won't be doing that again!!)

So, so about your poor SIL, it must be very hard watching someone close go through it when you have only just done so yourself. And not really any time for you or her to get your heads around it either....

Fair do's to get upset now, am sure you will be OK when you speak to her. And even if you aren't she won't mind, will probably welcome a group sob.

Great idea about the pack of treats, you do sound like a fab SIL. My vote would be for anything pampering that also smells nice (and I know MAS would agree there, she is a sucker for smellies). And also for something that might give her a laugh, bet she could do with one!!

It really does seem to be an epidemic doesn't it? God, I hope they manage to sort out why, and get to grips with it soon.

Glad you came on here to vent - that's what it's for, after all! Love to you and SIL

xx

Hi all, hope everyone is doing well at the moment. So pleased you got your start date for RT and your tamoxifen sorted out Cakes, in my experience the effects of the tamoxifen calm down after a while as your body gets used to it. Also on a positive note, if it makes you feel a bit grotty - hot flushes etc.- at least you know its working.

MAS - my brand of tamox. is wockhardt as well - I didn't know anything about different brands ( at ignorance). I think you are right not to anticipate side effects, but deal with them if and when they come. I find it helps to keep a little note of how I feel each day if I start on a new drug, then you can monitor yourself how you are doing and whether any effects get better/change or whatever.

I'm trying to get my head together after a rather emotional week. My DSIL had a mastectomy yesterday, we found out on monday. I feel so sad and upset, she is like a little sister to me, and also sad for DH, he's had to cope with me being ill and now his wee sister. Honestly I know I'm being stupid and probably self indulgent or something but I keep crying all the time. I went out and did a load of digging in the garden this morning to try and sort my head out. She's phoning me tonight from hospital, and the last thing I want to do is get upset when I speak to her. I'm going to pop out tomorrow an get some things to make her up a little parcel of treats, for when she comes home.

Hope I didn't upset anyone by sharing my news, I think I needed to sort out my feelings a bit.

Thinking of you Morphfan, and RWU, crap weeks have a habit of turning up every so often don't they? Hope things are more settled soon.

Yay! Just bought tickets for the Jools Holland Christmas tour, in Birmingham! Let the festivities commence! (hope I will have stopped feeling sick in the tamoxifen)

Hope you are all OK ladies! How is the radio going RWU?

xxx

Hi all

Yes it was me who went to see UP - so glad you liked it!! We were all teary as well, DH and I think it is really exceptionally good, I usually have a soft spot for these Disney type things, but the way it was paced and the old couple's relationship.. ooh it is all so lovely. I will be buying the DVD...

Bet the letter form the mental health folk was a bit of a stiffener - but it's something you want sorted, so take a deep breath and go, girl. Dh has had one recently because he went to the doctors with stress and depression a while ago: he did not take it well. It is just a bit of a stigma I think that lots of people feel about the term 'mental health', but it's all health at the end of the day, and I bet they will be able to really help.

Half term here too!! aaargh!!! and yesterday I compounded the agony by going shoe shopping (Gulp)

RWU - you need to get more sleep!!

right i've had a crap day and i'm in a foul mood and i must not feed the troll

MAS- dt's 1&2 went to see up for a birthday party and loved it- i have planned to take dt's 3&4 on Thursday as dh can babysit for dd Unfortunatly we don't have wagamama (in fact we live so far in the middle of nowhere that the most exotic we have is the national milk bar

i have just woken up and realised i fell asleep mid-post! How sad am i back to bed i think, night all!

Cakes - was it you who saw Up with your dd ? I was trying to scroll down to see - anyway, we saw it this afternoon,dh,ds and me and it was lovely, charming,clever,funny and sad - I was a bit teary but it was dark so no one saw !! lovely,lovely film.The boys loved it too.
Wagamama afterwards -ds chose a very hot spicy noodle thing which I had to swap for my Wagamama ramen - was v nice but very hot indeed

Firstly, I would like to apologise as I seem to have upset you. This was never my
intention, I only know love and kindness, helping others and feel foul language is unnecessary.
I WAS an active fund raiser and raised over £130K for breast cancer. My 'bestest ever friend'I mentioned earlier did all the right things Mammogram, Lymph Nodes removed - these are the dustbins for the body,(so where did her rubbish go), Chemo, Tamoxifen and so on, that was ten years ago!. I searched The Truth about ...... and saw a different picture, one that made sense and wanted to share it with you, that's all.

i see i dealt with our little problem!

Half-term- MANIC!! will catch up later!

yes, I can see the worrying about small things can be a way of not thinking about the bigger,more scary things -that seems to ring true with my ocd - I spent an inordinate amount of time worrying about ridiculous things which I guess prevent me from really focussing on something bigger and infinitely more scary ! I have a letter today asking me to make an appointment with mental health team to be assessed - yikes..

Hiya MAS

I think you are absolutely right not to let brands and other people's worries about side effects get to you. There are many, many extremely brave people out there: and there are also quite a few who like to wallow and feed off worry a bit. I don't blame them, worrying about small things probsbly helps them not worry about bigger ones - but it's important not to let it infect your thinking.

Maybe you do have a high pain threshold: oif so - good for you! Long may it continue!

Have a good week y'all! It's half term so may be a bit tiring here - but a change is as good as a rest!

Just checking in briefly - My brand is Wockhardt - am sure it probably really makes little difference -on the forums people get pretty het up about brands -it makes me nervous about having something different next time - I may ask the pharmacist first which they have in stock.
The people on the forums also seem to expect to get side effects-as if it's a given,which winds me up now I've bitten the bullet and started on tamoxifen- it's the kind of thing that frightened me before starting- I just feel I need to say don't expect bad things to happen because it just might be ok !! Am touching wood that I continue to be ok (and that you find it fine too Cakes) I wonder sometimes if my threshold for pain/discomfort etc is quite high-that I'm insensitive !!
Lots of love to Morph especialy this week and to you two of course

Just checked out the Mitchell & Webb link MAS PMSL!!!

See it has all kicked off while I was away- dear me - cannot now see the original message ref the book - but sounds like it was the LAST thing we needed, esp MorphFan at this point. Hope teatotal has gone now and MorphFan has not been scared off. Some people are just crass and insensitive aren't they?

if she was just a promoter it makes me really, really mad - I get asked to do odd stuff from time to time - but the answer is always "NO" if I think it has the potential to upset or worry anyone. Not that I promote books and stuff, but I occasionally get asked to do things that are frankly either a. risky to people's state of mind or b. just plain lying - not for me, thanks.

Hoping for good results and a better week for you Morph! Remember it's early days....

ROFL about the 'lemongrass and wallabyshite soup' comment RWU!

As regards tamoxifen - have checked on the box MAS - it just has a brand name APS and Tamoxifen 20mg on the label. Your approach sounds about right - expect nowt and ignore EVERYTHING. I start taking it today - would have interfered with my partying any sooner But now I am ready to get on with it.

Here's to the start of a shiny new week: hope it is a good one for all!

xx

Am also very sorry about teatotal's best friend. My best friend has a close pal in the US who eschewed medical advice regarding her treatment and chose to take a more natural route and is suffering pretty badly (she has bc)
this might cheer you guys homeopathic A&E

have hopefully dealt with the fuckwit Morph and alerted HQ! Trip Trap back to the bridge

Morph- good to see you, i know all about crap weeks- i have enough of them! You are bound to be feeling out of sorts atm- its a big thing you've just been through and you need to take it one day at a time!

research is one thing that thankfully oncologists do day in day out with medical degrees and equipment avaliable- frankly weird 'alternative' therapies are all very well if used in conjunction with other remedies but telling a group of cancer patients that they need to buy a book which probably has a few recipes for lemongrass and wallaby shite soup- and indicating that this will miraculously make some difference is a bit off- you have popped up from nowhere with no other posts, maybe if you had more provenance we might take some notice until then you can keep the book ta! I am sorry to hear that you lost a friend but no doubt her medical team did everything in their power to help.

<<RWU indicates the way back to under the bridge >>

hi Morph - will be thinking of you on Tuesday and hoping for a good result xxx so sorry it's been a crappy week..we're here for you xxx

Hello - Popped by to catch up, but I see we seem to have a fuckwit in our midst. I'm sure I'm just being extra-sensitive, but that's not really what I needed to read after a frankly shitty week.

Am back to clinic on Tuesday for the results of my surgery. Obviously am hoping no nodes are involved and that I'll be seeing the Oncologists for chemo referral.

Love to all - still haven't caught up with thread since I went in for surgery but hope you are doing well.

Morph x

Hi
I just wish I had done more research years ago perhaps my 'bestest ever friend' would not have died of breast cancer. From a tiny pimple to dead! Sorry if earlier info was not to your liking.
God bless anyway!

!

well no other posts and pops up miraculously touting a book (which IMO!! has a dubious nature- all healthy twaddle and not needing to take medications ) on two separate totally unrelated threads- either author or publiciser! bet if you google search the title it will come back with loads of chat room hits from the last few weeks!

BUT maybe i'm a natural cynic

oh, what do you think that's about RWU ?

maybe i'm just a cynic- but 'teatotal' has just posted somewhere else about said book- me thinks i smell a rat (no other posts btw!)

Anyway as you were

thanks teatotal, will do

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

as you were...someone else is already Maleficent

temporary Halloween name change ^

hooray ! What brand of tamox. is it ? My mode of getting through this is not not expect anything in terms of side effects -am channelling my mind into not noticing anything untoward ! Have a lovely weekend away

Have got my tattoos, my start date (9 November) and my tamoxifen. Woo flippin' hoo!

Don't think I'll take any tamoxifen until after the weekend though - going away and don't fancy any of the gastric upsets that I have been told to expect. What a waste of money that would be!!

have a good weekend all!

xx

yay !!

Oh woohoo!!

Have got a planning appt for radio tomorrow morning.

Good to be getting on with it!!

Ha Ha!! We get a lot of those veiled comments as well. Last night I said "She never stops, does she - imagine how we feel come Monday morning!" and one of the teachers (job share, but both turned up - bless'em) looked decidedly queasy

You aren't going to the disco are you? Sounds like hell on earth!! esp. with flu!

You definitely don't strike me as the pathetic sort, so I bet it is flu and not just a cold - have had the piggy sort, but it didn't seem much different from common or garden variety, so just hang in there and see if you can get your sainted DH to provide snacks and blankets. Tamiflu does help, but makes you go to the loo a bit, so is quite antisocial

Hope you feel better soon!!

Am waiting for some update from MorphFan - hope she is OK and just pampering herself a bit.

Have chased up hospital ref radfio and tamoxifen this morning, just waiting for a call back.

bless your dd! at least she's interested in learning i always love the masked comments i get from teachers "DT1 is a bright spark isn't he"- thus meaning "does he ever sit down and shut up?"

My lot have the Infant Schools Co-operative disco tonight so small children from all over the area will converge on the school hall- first time all the schools have met up and done an event so could be interesting (was arranged by the pta )

I still have the flu- now whether it is piggy or otherwise is unclear, but i have had my flu jab so either it is just a sniffle and i'm being incredibly pathetic, or it is flu that has got past the jab or it is piggy flu- for which i am due a jab next week- so sods law i'll be over it before i am called in for my jab!

at Cakes dd !!

Wow MAS has a toyboy! Good on you, girl!

We had DD's parents' evening last night - they said "If anything she is even more confident than last year, answers loads of questions and asks even more: sometimes we have to tell her to stop interrupting" Hmm tell me something I don't know!

I am not maternal either, not one bit,consequently waited until I was 38 to have ds !! but am very glad I did get around to it (I'd've probably tried to have a baby earlier but dh is 7 years younger and he wasn't ready ) Having said that am irritated beyond belief by ds this afternoon - he is being hideously annoying, but my nerves are fragile,so am reacting badly.
I was swiftly into rads after surgery -2 months after I think and was meant to start the tamox. at same time but because I was unsure about it (hence this thread !) I asked to delay until September. However,the onc. appointment after rads which is meant to be about 6 weeks afterwards hasn't come through yet - they are running very behind I have been told (it's been about 3 months) I have my appointment for surgical check up though which will be in April. Anyway, off to take the boy for a hair cut -fresh air will calm me I hope.

Yes, I think I will - thanks!

I had my last chemo three weeks ago today. I have not had the tattoos yet but have seen the radio consultant, he said he would try to hurry things up but I got the impression they were a bit behind. I do want to get it done and dusted though- so shall start being a nuisance tomorrow!

How long is it since you finished chemo Cakes? I started radio and tamoxifen at the same time about two weeks after chemo ended. Actually would have been three weeks but my last chemo was delayed. Have you had a planning session for radio yet - tattoos etc.? Always worth ringing them up and giving them a bit of a badger if you want to get on with it and think they're taking their time.

Bet you are no older than me KurriKurri - i just waited until I was 40 to have dd - don't have a maternal bone in my body really, but dh was v broody and could put it off no longer.

Nine more months of herceptin. Crikey. Sorry it is such a long old haul - i think nurses do tend to whitwash it all a bit so you feel too bad to let on you feel crap. But on the other hand, when I asked my consultant about lymphoedema he said not to take any notice of the breastcare nurses - they put the fear of God into everyone about it apparently, when he reckons they hardly ever see it nowadays. So it is all a bit of a mystery - all we can do is try it all, then come on MN and moan. Which is fine, we all have a go at some point.

Still have no date for my radio, and none for tamoxifen. I reckon they have got sick of me

Hi all, nice to hear from you Morphfan, hope you're not feeling too grotty.

I'm feeling a bit better today. Managed to go to Yoga this morning. I was told herceptin is well tolerated too, but I think that may be 'nurse talk' for 'stop moaning'. Actually sometimes its OK and sometimes its not - I've no idea why that is.

All this talk of PTA's is making me feel very elderly Its a while since I was at that stage, mine are grown up now - I keep hinting heavily for grandchildren but no luck so far !

DS (24) has just had his driving lesson, he's got his test soon, so he had a mock test and managed to do fairly well. He's found it quite hard to learn, he's dyslexic which makes it a bit more tricky. But it will make a real difference to him if he can pass.

Oh forgot to say Cakes, herceptin is for a year. I've got about nine months to go on it.

thanks Cakes for phyto oestrogen info - I guess it's really just moderation in all things really - a bit of soya stuff here and there can't hurtI think
Tamoxifen seems to be going down ok - am feeling physically fine though my mental state wobbles around a bit, but again I think it would be without tamoxifen !

Ooh the PTA thing is a bind, isn't it - glad I'm not the only one who thinks so. have got to shadow the outgoing treasurer for a new months to see how it is done (and as it is someone I --swore at-- disagreed with recently during a traffic congestion incident near the school a few weeks ago, 'tis not looking wholly promising).

RWU - glad to see you have been released from Flamesparrow's loooooong birth thread back into the community. Hope you are feeling good! Baby looks very lovely.

MAS - still OK on the tamoxifen?

I have looked more into the phyto oestrogens thing - it appears that they are NOT A GOOD THING for people who have had breast cancer - at least, they are OK as part of a balanced diet, but we should not be aiming to eat loads, or taking supplements of them. Just thought I'd share...

<arf> PTA- i give them the 'look' when they mention it- if probed further the simple comment of "seriously 5 kids and cancer- do you think i want to help?" usually they scuttle off

Glad we've got Morph back- looking forward to hearing the gory details that you are looking up and not in too much pain

am so happy that now ds is at secondary that there is no more PTA stuff to be dragged into volunteer for - yay ! And no more helping out either, though I did stay on a committee last year even though ds had left (it was an interesting thing I'd been involved in from the start -a landscaping steering group)
Do hope today finds you feeling perkier Morph - indeed hope you are all feeling fine.

Yay MorphFan - welcome back! Hope things are continuing on the up - fill us in when you are up to it.

KurriKurri - thanks! I am not as bad as I thought - I had clocked that you were on herceptin, but I had NO idea you had to be admitted each time for it, and that it made you feel so bad. Crikey. I hadn't heard much about it, except when I was earwigging a nurse's conversation with someone when she said it was "pretty well tolerated". So what you said has come as a bit of a surprise. Suppose it shouldn't, nurses always say that, don't they?

How much longer have you got to have that for? Sounds horrid. (Cakes breathes sigh of relief that herceptin is not indicated in her case)

I volunteered to run the school book fair last night for three hours and- for the second time just recently - I ran into someone who wanted to use the opportunity of my being unable to run away (being tied to watching the cash and all) to get gory info out of me - and then cry all over me. Either my story sounds a lot more scary than I thought, or I know a lot of very emotional people.

And I found myself nominated as treasurer of the PTA!! How the hell did that happen? I deliberately didn't even attend the meeting where they hand out the jobs!! (On second thoughts maybe that's it - I wasn't there to object!!) Rats! My cunning plan has failed and a total financial numpty will be in charge of the books. Aargh!!

yay - welcome back Morph !!

Hello - I'll catch up properly tomorrow - but thought I'd drop in quickly to let you know I'm home. Had a bit of a grotty weekend, but all okay now. Will fill you in on the gory details tomorrow.
Hope you are all well

Hello all, hope your flu is shifting RWU , the pink car sounds great, and well done on winning the sweepstake. When I was due to have our second DC (years ago) DH's work ran a sweepstake on weight and sex - and DH won it, so there were many cries of 'fix' .
If you're reading this Morphfan I hope you're recovering well from your surgery, and home now. Its a big op., be kind to yourself and take things as gently as you can. Pampering is a definite must.

In answer to your question Cakes (and you're not prying - I don't mind anyone asking me about anything) I'm on herceptin treatment for a year. (have had mastectomy, chemo and radio). I go into hospital once every three weeks and have it intravenously. Takes about an hour or so. Also have to have regular echocardiograms as it can damage your heart.

The first few I had made me feel lousy, then it improved a lot, but this time it has come back with a vengeance. I'm so tired and achy, and running a bit of a temp. all the time.Plus constant diarrhoea (I always have that with it). Its very frustrating as I had things to do this week and I'm going to be struggling. Oh well, sorry about the moan. I'm usually pretty positive about treatment, but feeling a bit fed up at the moment.

On a more cheerful note, DD has started belly dancing classes with her friends at uni. and says its great fun. She's also looking for voluntary work as she doesn't have as many lectures this year. But can't decide what to choose.

Have just looked back over this post - I seriously need to pull myself together

yes, hope you are both doing ok RWU & MorphFan

Hiya?

Do you? I spent years having company cars and always liked mine to be sporty and fast - now I pay for them myself I like them to be reliable abd cheap to run

The Ax was great though, wasn't it? I also had a peugeot 205 GTI which was excellent!! But as I say, now I have a 1.2L Honda Jazz. It is so much fun to drive, though - and so quiet and smooth you can't hear or feel the engine running if you pull up.

Hope RWU is feeling better today - and that MorphFan will soon be feeling OK. I imagine a mastectomy is a significantly bigger deal than my puny lumpectomy.

oh I remember the wine bottle holders in the AX - that was our first car -it had a daring pinky strip along it's sides which worried me - I like my cars a bit serious

RWU - is it the cold bum or the cold feet that pisses DH off the most?

Good on you for deciding on the pink Jazz - everyone will see you coming and it will be great. MAS - it is your duty to embarrass your kids, surely you know that??!! You must try harder, I am sure Citroen do cars in an embarrassing colour. (I used to have a Citroen AX GT as one of my many company cars many moons ago, it was lovely - admittedly a sensible charcoal colour, but it had door pockets specially made to fit wine bottles - that's what I call a car!!)

I had to leave the baby thread before anything happened so I shall visit now and see what's what.

yay a baby! at bloody last i won the sweepstake [gloat][gloat]!! Right i can get on with my life now- i have spent the entire day pressing refresh, texting the poor cow and stalking her on facebook and twitter

yay for pink car decision
and sorry to hear about chilly feet - glad the flu isn't porcine,though still not very nice for you.

I've decided i'm having a pink Jazz- sod DH

Had docs earlier as was feeling pants- he has decided i have neuropathy (nerve damage in my feet due to chemo) only discovered this because dh mentioned that my feet are always like blocks of ice (and my arse but i didn't mention that, neuropathy in my arse would really be embarassing to admit) So have to go and see neuro cons to see what they can do (tis only a minor inconvenience in the scheme of things but annoys dh immensly) also doc thinks it is only flu of the non-piggy variety.

must run back to flames birth thread- she is taking forever!

hey you two ! all this car talk - we always have Citroens as I love them (dh does too, which is just as well) -I'm not sure I could have a yellow car,it just wouldn't seem right, or pink - ds would refuse to go in it as he is at the age where is is very conscious of things that might be seen as girly or uncool. Our wedding car was a Citroen and the highlight of my day -a black Traction Avant (gorgeous)- I could have spent the entire time riding around in it that I am.
Hope your flu is better soon RWU - whatever kind isn't nice. I got my jab on Saturday (no spleen = supposedly low resistence to infection)- gave them my good arm,remembering not to risk the left one-though am sure it'd be fine.
Hope all is well with MorphFan and that she'll soon be back.

OOh mine is a Honda Jazz - they are absolutely FAB!!!

Do agree ref DH in theory, but if you want himm to accessorise properly and not ruin it all, he'll have to look good in pink (or purple, or another suitable colour) and not many men can carry it off. (My dh only really manages black, grey, blue or beige - so he was very anti the yellow Jazz for quite some time - until he decided that we only needed one car - and now I can't get him out of it .

(Can't wait for him to stop being tight and buy himself a new one - heard him on the phone this morning - hooray!)

i would like a pink honda jazz but dh is saying it's not a very sensible colour for a car for both of us but as i keep reminding him it is MY car- he is just an accesory

Last time I bought a car I made it really easy on myself, because it is indeed hard (and also boring) - I walked into the showroom ,said "that one" then let DD choose the colour. Admittedly I vetoed the metallic pink, but that's why I now drive a daffodil yellow (and metallic, so even louder) car.

Everyone can see me coming, I could never get away with anything in my car

But then again I can always find it in a car park.

Must head off and have a look at Flame's thread, saw it earlier and was going to have a look - flipping clients, always phone up when you are doing something interesting...

looked at cars but my head staring spinning at the different options i just want a car- but it would seem you have to choose between this colour, that colour and this option and that option, manual vs auto vs semi auto vs clutchless manual, all too much for my pretty head so i've put dh on the job and told him i'd like something pretty

thinking it is just normal flu/ cold atm, still able to follow flame's birth thread from the sofa so i can't be too bad

Seem to be having trouble with my hallowe'en emoticons!

Ooh dear, hope it is only the pretend variety as well. Mind you, I imagine lying on the sofa moaning is preferable to another trip to the hospital, even with the flu.

Were you able to get your car things sorted this weekend, or did the 'flu Kibosh that as well?

We had a pretty quiet weekend (well, afther the "quick drink" on Friday night that turned into a five hour session, with dd getting to be after 11 (we are such BAD parents {hgrin] ) - mind you it was her fault, she was off with a load of her mates playing (it is a vey family-friendly health and social club) - turns out some bigger girls joined up with them and taught them all how to swear. Turns out they weren't very good at swearing,though - dd now thinks Sugar-Honey-Ice-Tea is a swear word {hgrin}

arrgghh, you had dropped of my convo's list so re-marking my place- radio not starting today after all as i have man-flu (cue much laying on the sofa drinking tea moaning ) well i'm hoping its man flu and not flu of the piggy variety

Morning all

Hope a good weekend has been had!

Could be recognition of your mortality you know MAS - maybe a sort of deeper understandng of it? DH had this a while ago - he suddenyl really, really understood that one day he would die: not sure where it came form, but it really knocked him for six. In your case was most likely just a bit of indigestion, though! Let's hope so - that way the feeling will pass sooner!
KurriKurri - have I missed something - wgat treatment is it that you are having? Not meaning to pry, but had thought you were finished. Sorry if you are still going through it? Perhaps I should revisit the thread more closely.

A cuddle with the dog sounds nice even if grumbly. I still miss my (very large) dog - he has been dead for five years now, but he is absolutely irreplaceable. He was an RSPCA mutt who was just the brightest star in my sky (apart from dh - and dd was only one when he passed away). So soppy that even people who were scared of dogs tended to like him - even though he was big and black.

Am sending MorphFan my thoughts and wishes - due out today, I think. And hoping RWU will feel better this week once the frequency of the chemo drops off.

xx to all

hello all, been thinking of Morphfan today hoping she's getting plenty of rest and support after her surgery. The candle is a lovely idea Cakes.

Black eye is a bit better today thanks, its more colourful but doesn't hurt as much now the bruise is appearing.

I went to my breast cancer keep fit group this morning, but I'm feeling fairly shattered this afternoon - treatment is kicking in. So at the moment I'm lazing in an armchair, with my little dog curled up on my lap, snoring quietly to herself. Having to type one handed as she gets very grumbly if I move around to much.

Jools Holland CD sounds good, I like him too, often watch 'later...' especially when DD is home as she is a fan.

some of my friends have said it is a recognition of my own mortality, but I think I've been aware of my own mortality for ages ! Maybe it was hotwater bottle induced ?
Jacket and frock sound very lovely - East is nice - a friend of mine is a big fan - I bought myself some shell bracelets there a while ago. Can't play my cd as the pesky thing on the computer is misbehaving as is the cd player,so short of sitting in the car with it I'll have to wait for dh to download it onto something else then transfer to iTunes -you can tell I'm technically minded

Dream does sound horrid. I had one once when I found a dead baby, and then stabbed it for some reason!!! It had already been dead but I felt no-oone would believe me (and it frankly wouldn't look good what with the stabbing and all...) It bothered me for days.

Clothes - well there is a black and white linen mix dress with a v-neck front and back (am going to a wedding), and also a jacket that is quite formal but sort of pink and purple wool mix (they aren't meant to go together). They were both in the East sale and I got a bit over excited.

CDs - one is a very old Cure one that I had stolen out mf my car once. The other one is jools Holland, who I love. I am dropping major hints that I would like to go to his pre-Xmas concert in Birmingham - we went last year and it was great. Hints don't usually work here though, so I may have to get obvious later.

no I hadn't been watching that, or anything morbid ! it wasn't scary, just kind of matter of fact. Describe new clothes please ! and what cds did you get ? Dh has just bought me the new Richard Hawley

Ooh crikey that sounds awful. You hadn't been watching Moll Flanders last night, had you? Lots of death sentencing all over the place in that.

Had to put MorphFan's candle out as DH wanted an impromptu shopping session - didn't fancy it myself but still managed to buy a jacket, dress and 2 CDs. had to send him a text in the end to come and meet up with me before i bankrupted myself

Off to relight candle

oh that's a lovely thing to do - the candle - lots of good thoughts whizzing to MorphFan...
Cakes' dh does sound lovely and saintly
Hope black eye is a bit better today KurriKurri
Had a horrible dream last night where I was given a death sentence but couldn't think what I'd done wrong...eek.

Oh poor you with a black eye. Isn't it odd how you fall a lot harder, and hurt yourself a lot more, than when you were a kid? I am quite clumsy and have done all manner of things that have been really embarrassing because of it. In fact, I had a bit of a spate of it a few years ago, culminating in falling down the stairs in the middle of the night - it remains amystery, no idea how it came about - and still cannot remember the falling bit or the bit leading up to it, at all. I was SO embarrassed to have fallen yet again that I refused an ambulance for over an hour. Apparently I kept saying "It's OK I am just winded".

Turns out I had a broken thigh and a shattered elbow (many metal inserts and screws later, I was still embarrassed, especially as the hospital seemed to think DH and I had had a fight and he had pushed me. Poor DH, a man less likely to thump anyone you could NOT meet. Even when I told him of their suspicions he just said "Well they are only looking out for you. As long as you know I didn't." I think he may be saint

Know what you all mean about the reading - i am having a bit of a go at a biography of Daisy, Countess of Warwick at the moment. God,. those Victorians were a racy bunch.Don't know where they found the energy - personally the hot water bottle idea sounds eminently more comforting to me at the moment Ib fact I am of to the shops shortly, think I might get one myself!

I have lit a candle for MorphFan this morning.

oops my strike out didn't work, never mind.

MAS - DH pottered out of bed last night into the kitchen and eventually returned carrying a hot water bottle 'I was cold' he muttered sheepishly. I have been known to wander round the house with a HWB up my jumper because I am --too mean to put the heating on-- energy conscious.

My hot flushes have settled down a little bit now (started tamoxifen in April) though I do still get them. Its more an inability to regulate my temperature - I can go from really cold to hot and sweaty very quickly. I quite often have a fan on at nights - no wonder poor old DH needs a bottle!

I know what you mean about books in small chunks, I love reading usually, but sometimes it hard to summon up the energy isn't it? I've got 'A Thousand Splendid Suns' out from the library at the moment, intended to start it during treatment this morning - but ended up browsing a fact sheet about flu jabs and slurping a hot chocolate.

The carpet burn is turning into a black eye . Don't know how I did it - one minute I'm upright, next I'm on the floor making a pathetic whimpering noise. -You can tell I'm an elegant sophisticated woman can't you?

owww about carpet burn !!
I am turning into an old person I think -have just bought a new hotwater bottle and am so joyful !! I did think I might regret it is tamoxifen gives me hot flushes, but so far it's ok.
Went to my book group last night (Picture of Dorian Gray- which I couldn't read - too wordy,too tiny print and I just couldn't concentrate - I'm only reading things these days in small chunks -very sad) So I didn't have any useful contribution to make, plus I was driving so couldn't have any wine which always oils the conversation ! I ate a fair number of crisps and things and suffered a bit of house envy as the host groupees house is very big and very lovely.
(I do love my house though small)
Am glad that the film was good - I cry at all sorts of stuff in films though am quite a stiff upper lip type of person- I think if I can shed a tear in the dark it's ok !!

ooh carpet burns are extremely painful, aren't they? They are also often the cause of much sniggering around these parts, (I think I mentioned our childish senses of humour here) especially when on the ankles, knees and bum area - not sure if one on the face will be exempt from that or will be thought even worse!

We took dh to see Up with us, and he enjoyed it as much as anyone. Mind you, he is a great big softy, I think that's where dd gets it from. Normally I am made of quite stern stuff, but it is very, very heartrending in places, albeit in a very sweet sort of way. The old couple's realtionship is just so beautifully done. But also laugh out loud funny. Hope you get to see it.

I have been crap all week, not into work at all, I keep trying but just can't settle to it. Like MorphFan I have been cleaning and clucking about instead. No excuse, not feeling ill or anything. I think I may have morphed into a lady of leisure - shame I don't have the income to sustain it!

Hi all, just popped in to say thinking of MorphFan today, and wishing her all the best for her surgery.

Well done for getting out RWU and good luck with your radio next week. Cardboard and swamp goo sounds a bit yuk though, does the cardboard come in different flavours?

Glad you and DD enjoyed your film Cakes, I've heard good things about it, so may try and get to see it - don't know if DH would be willing though, so I'll have to wait until my DD is next home.

After I got home from herceptin treatment this morning, I somehow managed to fall over, and now have a large carpet burn on my face! Its an attractive look as you can imagine . Am just off to see if I can find anything to put on it, its a choice between aqueous cream, savlon or aloe vera gel - whichever stings least!

Hi all

Posted a little note to MorphFan yesterday as I din't think I'd be here today. Don't know where that's gone - shame, she'll miss it now. Wishing her lots and lots of good things anyway.

Congrats on getting out unaided RWU - if the chemo is stoping Sunday there should be opportunities for a bit more of that soon. Car thing sounds a good idea - and cheery - go for it!

Healthy eating is something I am into in a big way -would not go so far as the cardboard and the goo, but I am defintitely majorly into fruit and vegetables. It is just wine and chocolate that are my downfall. Sigh.

If anyone is thinking of seeing 'Up' I can throughly recommend it. We went to the 3D version which cost a packet but it was lovely. Worth it just to see DD looking like one of The Proclaimers in her massively oversized glasses ( my sense of humour is quite peurile so this was enough to set me off straight away). And then the film started and we all laughed and all cried, and came out really happy. It is brilliant.

thinking of Morphfan today- obv you won't see this til you get home, so in advance i hope you feel ok and everything is going smoothly.

hey MorphFan -glad you popped by -was thinking of you this morning - am glad you had lovely hair cut,that is very cheering and good for morale and can so identify with the household preparations -exactly what I'd do !!
Lots and lots of luck and good thoughts winging their way to you and look forward to hearing from you as soon as you feel up to it.
Well done with your outing RWU and good luck and lots of good thoughts to you for next weeks radio. xxx

am crap at healthy eating- have to eat stuff that resembles cardboard as part of the reasearch thingy i'm doing- tastes foul and then gets washed down with swamp goo [urghhh]

i left the house today- all on my own i honestly never thought the day would come when i felt proud that i could walk down the road alone went to toddler group with dd- it is a nice escape because i'm not sure anyone knows much (apart from perhaps one who is a mn'er, but if she knows anything she is being wonderfully discreet- thanks if you are looking !) and tbh there are a few drama queens who always have to go one better so i just switch off for an hour and let dd wreck the place.

i start radio again next week, daily chemo drugs are being stopped on Sunday so just down to radio and weekly chemo, cardboard and swamp goo- oh joy!!

Also going to buy a new wig at the weekend and look at cars, we are very tempted to get a little run around motability car and get rid of dh's juice muncher (will have to keep my beast as i don't think we could fit all the kids in a clio) but would mean that me and dd could take a sensibly sized car down to the shops rather than causing the same level of environmental damage as a small country- should save a bit on juice as well. still thinking though atm- seems to be too good a deal to miss.

Hello All - after my brief flurry of activity I've been rubbish at keeping up with you all - again!

Have been busying myself with lots of things - some good (I've had all my hair chopped off and it looks fab!!) and some daft (cleaning windows - why do I feel the need for the house to be spotless before I go in tomorrow .)

Will catch up properly when I'm back. Am hoping to be home Monday. If I don't reappear perhaps you could send me a virtual cake with a virtual nail file and I'll stage a breakout .

Hi KurriKurri

Defd got all through it,and thanks for the advice, I will def have a look at that programme - you are right, taking back control is absolutely critical. It is hard leaving the security of the hospital, especially as all the drs and nurses are so lovely.

I am going to try the eating things you recommend, though - thanks.

I have resolved to try for one self nurturing thing every day. Even if it is just putting cream on my horrible feet. Or having a face pack. or having a meditaite and a breathe for 15 minutes. I think I have deserved it - and so have all of you!

wise words from that nurse KurriKurri - it's hard though not to think ahead of yourself.
My SIL entered into quite a strict non-dairy,healthy eating regime when she was diagnosed - I do think it's a good way to be in control of at least one part of your life. Today I exercised my healthy control thing by having an Innocent smoothie instead of a Starbucks coffee frappaccino which is my passion (I'd also bought peppermint creams from Waitrose but this is countered with a box of nice green tea !)
Cinema = Wagamama for me...and hospital appointments with ds also =Wagamama !!

Hi everyone - gosh a lot of posts since I last popped in! I think the end of treatment 'syndrome' is perfectly normal, I think there's a certain security about knowing you're going into the hospital - and I speak as someone who was totally hospital-phobic before all this. I haven't reached the point quite yet though as I still have ten months of treatment to go (Herceptin).
With regard to living for the short term, when I had my second surgery, I was talking to a nurse who had had BC nine years previously. Her advice to me, which I've tried to follow, was 'deal with what you know, and don't worry about the don't knows.' Of course its sometimes easier said than done but I remind myself of it when I feel myself going into 'flapping' mode.
'The Plant Programme, Eating for better health' has some interesting dietary ideas in it. The author had BC and the programme is basically non-dairy, organic, non-processed foods, more vegetable than animal protein etc. Its worth a look at, if only for recipe ideas. I am sort of aiming towards it, I haven't cut out dairy, but I've tried to reduce it and replace with soya. Essentially I'm trying for healthy eating and cutting out the crap I used to sometimes eat. I tend to cherry pick from various books (our Big C centre has a good selection) I think I'm still in the process of working out an eating policy that works for me, and lets me feel as if I'm taking back some control.
Goodness that was a bit of a ramble - if you got through it all well done!

Am really, really looking forward to it! (And to the McDonalds afterwards! - it is not usually my thing, but it goes with cinema trips like day follows night, for me).

MorphFan - I am not going to be around tomorrow as I have to go and learn something dull about websites - thinking of you for friday. Stay strong! All will be well. And hope to hear from you as soon as you are up to it afterwards.

xx

hmmm...certainly is complicated..good idea to ask bcn about supplements and milk thistle etc.
Haven't been to the cinema for ages - have a lovely time - it looks v good !

The phyto oestrogens thing does seem so complex, it is so hard to know what to do in our cases, but it seemed pretty clear that they were protective in pre pubescent youngsters. I think I may start putting soya into stuff for dd.

Not sure which way to go for myself though. I will take a bit of a look when i get some time.

It is all complicated - chemo people took me off all supplements except evening primrose and multivits, but Cancer Research site even advised agains those, so I stopped. Not sure whether to restart or just eat sensibly. I'd like to restart milk thistle, which I had thought would protect my liver - would like to retake now to cleanse it after all that yukkiness. Think I need to call the BCN.

This afternoon i am going to take dd to see UP in 3D. Clearly this is more for me than for her, but it will earn me some brownie points anyway!

I am just rubbish at the ending of things I think - I find loss and finishing and leaving behind so difficult- even if it's difficult or painful stuff - I think transition and change frighten me.
Interesting you mention phytoestrogens - was talking to my hairdresser yesterday and she was telling me her mum who is in the middle of rads has given up on tamox. after a very short time because she was experiencing pains in her hands and because she was never very happy about taking it in the first place (she was also thinking of stopping rads -I cautioned against this one !) She was hoping to go down the healthy eating route and I was trying to say something about soya and phytoestrogens but couldn't decide whether they'd be good or bad ideas (obviously need to research this !) Before my dx I was v keen on soya yogs/milk/the bread with linseeds in it -have been having occassional soya yogurts since. I also used to take selenium religiously along with lots of green tea but have not bothered with selenium since - green tea I love. It's all very confusing I think. I guess the thing would be to just eat all stuff in moderation !

at the difference between the attitudes of the various council/benefits type people and the nice garage man! Some people just make your jaw drop with their sheer insensitivity, don't they? Flipping heck!

Glad you are getting some help, tho' RWU, worrying about money is the very last thing you need.

Consultant warned me about the 'feeling cast out' thing that you have both mentioned. I can imagine it will kick in for me, I was a bit like that when they made me stop going to physio nine months after breaking my thigh. (But then I am a drama queen). I had to be virtually forced out the door - saddo that i am, it was a bit of an outing for me each week And apart from the obvious bleurgh factor of having strangers feeling you up all the time, there is something quite comforting about someone with a lot of qualifications telling you that everything feels fine, isn't there?

I think the living for the short term thing is something we should all try to do - worrying about stuff that will nprobably ever happen is knackering. And it is always the unexpected thing that hits you out of left field that is usually the worst, anyway!

by the way, as I know MAS in particular likes to read up about this stuff, the research prject is about phyto oestrogens and their effects on breast cancer. I had a quick look on Google yesterday, to see what they were and whether I should be eating them or not - seems complex, I think I need to look into it a bit more...but it may be of interest. From my cursory scan it looks like they are preventative if you don't have BC, but act as an accelerant if you DO have BC. So that's alright then

at council bods sensitivity & tact !!
Am sure they won't give and take away again though..
I agree about the end of rads - that was surprisingly difficult as I did feel pretty much chucked out at the end and on my own..not true as there is always the link with bcns and the breast unit,but it was a very weird feeling and I did feel very emotionally churned up -almost a physical pain ,if that's not too dramatic sounding.

oh blimey are they going to take it all away from me??? Well, i live for the short term now- what will be will be and can be dealt with when it bloody well happens

It is fab news because it sort of opens up entitlemant to lots of things iyswim- i could get a motability car, get free road tax, FREE SCHOOL MEALS!!!!! which saves me £36 quid a week and various other things like carers allowance etc- all in all it is a sort of acknowlegement that i am truely, seriously, and not making it all up ill! It also means that i am now classed as a numpty old fuddy duddy who can't be trusted to fill out her own forms so i had to sit with the --dumb- - arsed council bod for an hour while he decided if we get a reduction in our council tax (which by the way we don't until wait for it.. in his own council charm school taught words... "of course when you die your husband will get the single persons 25% discount" cheers mate!)

Radio is fine- once you get into the routine it just becomes part of your day, i felt really weird when i last finished radio because i walked out wondering what to do next, 'active' treatment was finished and it was almost like being thrown out of the door without any further explanation- i'd got so used to it. Aloe vera, lots of water and aqueous cream and you'll be fine!

love to everyone x

oh we must've posted simultaneously RWU !
Good news about DLA and disabled badge and nice garage man. I signed the petition about DLA cuts for my friend who is in fear of hers being cut by £70 or something a week (can't remember exactly) -she is wheelchair bound,was a teacher but is very disabled by Friedreich's Ataxia - horrid,horrid thing..very frightening to be worrying about money. Hope you feel less terrible v soon though- Ben and Jerry's sounds like excellent medicine.

arf about cake !!!!!! interesting though...
Really I shouldn't worry too much about rads and feeling crap -obviously everyone reacts differently to things and of course having had chemo you might well still have the effects of that in your system- almost certainly in fact..but I think you might find it a breeze in comparison..truthfully it was fine for me,the burnt bits tolerable..just tiredness really. Good news about postponing smear -yay ! (but I know you will book it after rads
A holiday after everything sounds the very thing too !

urghhh- i'm still here, feel pretty terrible BUT i had good news today, i have a shiny new blue disabled badge and i am entitled to DLA and therefore i don't have to panic so much about money- was self employed and didn't have a terminal illness pot of money set aside (stupid me- or so the woman at the benefit office told me ) so now my Macmillan support worker is going to start working out what we could be entitled to- seems to bit a bit of a minefield.

Car is also alive again- apparently i kept running out of electric because my fan belt was too loose, and that was also the cause of the horrifying squeal that happened when i pressed the go pedal (can you tell i'm not too into cars- just prefer watching Richard Hammond!) so nice garage man fiddled with his spanner and sent me on my way and didn't charge me (and gave all the kids a lollipop!) because "you've had it tough love" usually i'd have walloped him but hey if i save some pennies he can say what he likes!

i'm off to scoff the ben and jerry's that was less than half price in morrisons (that means i can eat it all without feeling guilty )

Also, meant to add - i am going on a research trial to try to find out the dietary/lifestyle causes of breast cancer.

Apparently, 20 years ago there was a 1 in 14 chance of catching it. Now it is 1 in 9.

I have to turn up once a year, take a blood test, and tell them all about my vices. I hope there is going to be cake.

Hi

Have been, did have to get undressed again, but all fine. Gratifyingly they seem fairly confident about things, and he is going to try to fast track me through the rest of it as he says they are v. busy but he does not want me to be finishing around Xmas as he says radio makes you feel a bit crap, which would put the mockers on the festivities.

he has advised me to put off the smear for three months - so a temporary hooray! to that. Chemo might give some odd results if it is done sooner.

Mind you, dd will be hacked off. I told her i might have some dates after today - she is mad to go on holiday, which obv. we can't book yet.

you might not need to undress for rads onc schedule thing- well I didn't anyway because it was just to discuss the length of treatment and what to expect plus going through the consent form...at the planning it's time for marker pens and tattoos and photographs ! (though of course rads onc might want to check your wounds for healing etc)

'Tis the meeting with the onc to discuss the schedule. It's a new guy though, as my main onc guy only does chemo, not radio.

This time I am going to dress more appropriately. Last time I was in a smart dress as I had a biz meeting beforehand. looked nice for the meeting, but required total disrobing for the consultation

Won't make that mistake again!

btw good luck Cakes with rads consultation - is that meeting with onc. to discuss schedule or planning session with tats ?

ooh, psychic happenings !! or else just natural maternal intuition, or something
Dh working at home today as he has osteopath appointment this morning so not much chance to check my mail or faff about here..
Am not sure about the facts behind tamox. and hard lenses, just noticed something on a forum where an optician had pointed this out...as long as mine last a couple more years that'll be ok- I am a bit rough with them so they end up scratched anyway. Soft lenses I don't know about..I wear my specs at the w/end or when I can't be arsed to fiddle with lenses..
Do hope all goes well this week MorphFan - will be thinking of you and hope you'll come back post-op (or pre-op if you have time !)

Ooh didn't know that about tamoxifen and hard lenses. Flippin' heck it is hard sometimes, isn't it? I have ny initial radio consultation later today, so i shall ask about soft lenses, which I wear (when I can be arsed/want to look like a fox - delete as applicable).

Love, love, love kid-type party food - much more than when I was a kid, even! Things on sticks, yes, please! Sounds a lot of fun, especially as cake was also involved.

I think the idea of a yoga type thing sounds just my cup of tea, too. Switching your mind off is a major blessing - and i should know, becuase I do it all the time. Sometimes in the middle of something quite important

Something a bit weird happened to me yesterday. I might not be able to explain it very well and it might seem pretty everyday when written down, but I shall try. (Feel free to skip if it gets too long, it ain't that interesting)

I was at the school waiting to pick dd up and chatting to a friend about her beery weekend away, when it felt like someone tapped me on the shoulder. I looked around, no-one there, but I could see a three year old i know vaguely tottering away up the path to the exit. For some reason I just knew that her Mum was on the playground (hadn't seen her) - i called the little girl, who turned round and stopped. I offered her my hand and she came back with me, we went looking for her Mum, who we found looking for the little girl, but in completely the wrong place. It might sound ordinary, but it feels to me like there was a bit of an intervention that went on there, IYSWIM.

Anyway that's my thought for the day, feel free to go 'ahem' and move on.

Also thinking of you MorphFan. When you get to the post op stage come back and talk to us - some of us have a f ew 'Top Tips' that we have found to help!!!

cheese and pineapple on sticks - love them ! I used to make them for my friends dd's party stuck into half a grapefruit..
v nice to see you KurriKurri

Hello all, hope no one thought I'd joined and run away! Just had a busy few days. Had an oncology appointment on thursday, actually it was just a drugs trial appointment (I was on a drugs trial for my chemo and so have to go for extra check ups.) I had thought it was a proper appointment and got myself a bit stressed. Anyway am seeing the oncologist in December to discuss how the herceptin is going. (It can affect your heart so have to have three monthly echocardiograms)

My DD came back from uni for the weekend on Friday. It was DH's birthday on Sunday, so we went birthday shopping and she made him a cake.Also DS wasn't working for a change so we all managed a family party tea. (Cheese and pineapple on sticks - the full works!)

Take care RWU, I know that clumsy feeling, its horrible isn't it. No sudden movements mind. Hope you managed to get to your friend's today, a change of scenery always helps I think.

I like your idea of covering all bases Cakes and MAS, I'm a firm believer in 'whatever helps you through and makes you feel better is a good thing.' I've booked myself onto a yoga and meditation day at the end of the month, I really want to lean how to be able to switch my mind off sometimes.

Hope the CBT will be helpful for you MAS. My DS had it last year and has found it quite useful to draw on the techniques at difficult times.

Thinking of you Morphfan. Take care

Apparently tamoxifen can affect your tears and they can damage hard contact lenses (which I have) - gah !

Thanks MAS, I'll hold you to that

Yes, I believe they are more vigilant, I think it is best to tell them, I told my dentist before chemo treatment started and she put it on my notes and gave me a very thorough check up. They do look out for oral cancer lesions in everyone apparently, but she was definitely a lot more in-yer-face (literally, obv) with mine, said it was important to check v carefully. Optician, I think less so, he was more concerned specifically with chemo and how that might affect eyes short-term, so no worries for you there.

You are right of course, I shall grasp the nettle - but it really changes everything, doesn't it? All of a sudden you seem very mortal...

oh Cakes - smears are one of my least favourite things and I usually have to psych myself up for them - I know they are good things and I do always go,but yack...I get very tense and anxious-last time it was very uncomfortable and that unnerved me. It does seem a bit much on top of everything else but sometimes it's quite good to grasp the nettle so to speak when you are in the midst of difficult stuff (partly why I thought of having that minor op recently -I reckoned it couldn't be worse than biopsies,SNB etc !) (I shall not be hurrying back to have any more bumps removed until I've erased the memory of being an 'emergency bleeder' from my mind)
Do you mean the dentist/optician are more vigilent if they know you've had bc ?? Should one tell them do you think ?
Let us know when you do go and we'll do cyber hand holding and provide cake afterwards xxx
Staggeringly my mail arrived before 11 am today

Aaargh! The post has just come (well it is 2.30, after all, even the Royal Mail couldn't leave it MUCH longer) and I have been called for a smear test!

Routine I know, and the programme is officially A GOOD THING - but I fear it is a step too far for me at the moment.

I have even found going to the dentist a trial, as she almost climbed on my lap and shone a torch around to make sure my mouth was OK: the optician was much the same - I guess it has all shaken my confidence a bit.

I will go for the smear, of course, but it all just makes me nervous, in case they find anything (my BC was found on a routine mammogram and I know I should be grateful -well I AM grateful, but I find I can't take it all in my stride IYSWIM).

I shall have to grit my teeth - even more than you usually do when they have a speculum up your fanjo

Mornin' all

Sorry to have dipped out for the whole weekend: has been a bit manic. Good to see you up and feeling more human RWU - what is going on with the eyes? Sounds horrible! I've never had that (tho' I did have some horrid white crusty stuff that kept appearing in them - prob TMI)Relinquish the car keys for a bit!

Am liking the sound of MAS's multi-faith shrine on the wardrobe. I like to cover all bases too - protestant myself, married to a Catholic, with a personal interest in crystals (mainly because they are pretty and I like to be igven jewellery), but also very fond of dowsing. Have taught dd to do it too!

Mind you she just asks questions like is my Mummy pretty. She is always mortified when the pendulum says "No". Personally I am unsurprised.

lounging on your friend's sofa sounds a good thing to me !
Am fine - bit sorry that we didn't do anything interesting this w/end - I really wanted to get out but we couldn't face the rain.
My bcn has spoken to my doc about referring me for cbt (did I say that before ?!) Will be a bit scary to go through a cbt programme again -as I recall from the first time it was hard. Am still waiting for my post rads follow up - bcn says they are very behind.
Hope everyone has a good week and will be thinking especially of MorphFan xx

ahh you must have been hiding in the corner when i popped in!

I feel ok other than being incredibly clumsy, thinking it may be a very good idea to walk the boys to school in the morning and relinquish my car keys to dh supposed to be going to a friends for a playdate with dd- not sure yet, have to see in the morning however i'm sure it would do me good and thankfully she has already told me i can lounge on her sofa

How are you doing? everyone seems to have been doing lots lately and i've not quite caught up (or may have caught up and then promptly forgotten lol!)

hello RWU ! I'm here -
have been all weekend - dismal weather today so didn't go anywhere/do anything ! Hope your eyes get acclimatised soon !

<<trips over the tumbleweed>>

Where have you all gone? It's ever so echoey in here, helloooooooo..............!

as you can tell i have recovered my sense of humour, next on the recovery list is correct use of my eyes as i'm going through the bumpy clumpy stage of walking into things because i can't tell how far away they are again!

Hope you're all ok- just remembered some of you are off for lovely weekends away aren't you !

am a great believer in good, positive thoughts - crystals and all that malarky are not my thing, but as a lapsed Catholic I do believe that prayer can't do any harm - I mix it with a bit of Buddhism for good measure
dh laughs at my 'shrine' on top of my wardrobe which has a very nice Renaissance triptych of angels,a statue of the Blessed Virgin Mary, a child Jesus and a buddha -covering all bases really !

Hi MorphFan

Radical sounds the way to go - I was in hosp with a woman who has had one lumpectomy, was in for another, and was warned that a mastectomy might have to follow. Everyone has to make their own choice, and I am not criticising her at all, but that can't be good, can it? get it all sorted once and for all.

And as for finger crossing - nope, didn't work here either.

Have just cheered myself up immensely by going out for a drive and listening to a Madness CD. I am quite old so I remember them from first time around - I now have a bigger spring in my step and a daft grin on my face. Off to pick dd up from school now - so will be grimacing again soon from the sheer volume of chatter that is likely to follow. {weary emoticon)

Have a great weekend. Pamper yourself a bit (and i am not thinking anything to do with nappies here
xx

A-ha - here I am again. Posting twice in two days must mean I'm getting the hang of this mumsnetting

I see RWU has moved on from prunes to parsnip crips. Hope you got some sleep and are not feeling too grot today...

Opting for mastectomy does seem a bit radical I guess - especially as I was offered a choice of that or lumpectomy. But, I just feel it's the only way I can be sure I've done everything I can to get rid of it. Also, almost certainly would lose the nipple as one lump is right up behind it. Also, also - three lumps, smallish boobs and no nipple equals not a lot left anyway!!

Am also a bit new age-y - and very happy to receive all your positive thoughts and vibes - especially as finger crossing seems to have failed me so far .

Good weekend to all.

Gald to see things went OK RWU - I think the parsnip crisps (yum) and hot choc sound lovely. Hope things feel OK this morning. 'Tis indeed a trial living in the middle of nowhere - as someone who lives on the very leafy edge of a not very nice city I have the best of both worlds (as well as some of the not so nice bits sometimes). On one hand i can see and hear cows from my house, on the other, it is still a bloody long way to the shops, and you are stuffed if you can't drive. nearest shop well over a mile away - and it is a rubbish Spar where there isn't much choice, and what there is costs an arm and a leg.

Good to see you have made a choice MorphFan. I bet it seems a bit radical but, really, good for you. You have taken back control, which is great.

You are in the worst bit right now - just watiting and knowing it is still there is horrible. Once you are on the treatment road things should feel more positive, because it will be getting sorted. (Also the post-surgery drugs can be quite nice, only don't let on to anyone.)

Also - take a tip from RWU's book - if they offer you some nice supportive therapies like head massage - grab with both hands!!

Don't worry about not posting much, but drop in when you want to. I have put your surgery date in my diary, as I believe in sending positive vibes (I am a bit new age-y in my quiet moments) and will do so for you. Can't do any harm so don't get spooked

Sorry penguins came to naught MAS - but worth a try. Keeps the blood flowing!

This morning I have sent dd off to school dressed as a pirate for some reason I have totally forgotten. Next week they are going to the cinema: a couple of weeks ago they went to a local attraction called The Beach (you have to have a very good imagination ) - school ain't wot it used to be, is it?

have a good weekend all!

MorphFan - am glad you have been able to make your decision - things always much easier to deal with once you have a plan and know what's what..will be thinking of you next week...
RWU - well done - sorry you aren't having your phish food but the parsnip crisps and hot choc sound very nice.Indian head massage too Have a good rest now and see you soon xx

right i made it through, have slept for 7 hours and now fancy ben and jerry's phish food, however i have hit a stumbling block or two- firstly our freezer died at the weekend and it hasn't been high on the to do list however this would not be the major problem as i think i may manage a whole tub The major problem with the plan is living in the middle of blardy nowhere and having a dh who is reluctant to drive the hour (and a bit!) round trip to the 24 hour tesco hey ho- hot chocolate and parsnip crisps will have to do

Chemo went ok- i had an indian head massage and a pedicure with natural botanic products (apparently!) whilst i was toxified- almost made it worthwhile off to bed soon to see if i can sleep off the worst of the yuckyness!
night all x

EVERY time I sit down to read/post on this thread I get interrupted by small children during the day or the phone in the evening!!

Thanks for the replies re mastectomies (and hello Kurri Kurri). I was asking as I have been given the choice of lumpectomy or mastectomy - but have decided to def go for mastectomy. I saw my BCN yesterday and have let her know and today I feel like a huge weight has lifted. This time next week I shall be in hospital, waiting for op on the 16th. I feel like I'm about to do a bungee jump.... And yet I know the op is just the beginning of what you have already all been through.

I need to post more often so I can keep up with you all... Lots has been happening, trips to London, Trainspotting incident in a public convenience , penguins, exams and posh moisturisers...

... and RWU - hope the prunes have been successful

Love to all - I know I'm not posting a lot at the moment, but it means a lot to know you are all here... x

didn't come to anything - think my penguins are a bit too uncartoony ! but thanks...
Took another break after my early lunch break to go out to buy some new inks and lovely watercolour paper (and a trip to Waitrose too)

I can draw penguins ! - am off to look ! thanks

Hey MAS! Quick!

Take a look in the freelancers section - someone is looking for an illustrator who can draw penguins!!

Ciould be cash in it if you move quick!!

Mini breaks a must here too! (Just been to bank a cheque)

oh I do love a beauty product ! my favourite things are scent and perfumes though...
am just downstairs having started painting a few things - I have to have mini breaks you see ...then I can go back and see what colour I need next ! hope the client gets his arse in gear for you

On the under eye thing - have you tried Clinique 'All About Eyes'? Bought some a few weeks ago, and even allowing for the fact that i am knackered and on chemo there is a definite improvement. And while I am coming over all make-up-ish and girly, I have also bought that new L'Oreal eyelash serum and it is definitely helping. Quite a tall order when you consider the mess that they have been recently.

can you tell I am at a loose end while I wait for a client to approve or amend his flipping newsletter??!! poor old DH - who does the layouts (I am just a words person) is doing his fruit! If client doesn't do it in the next hour and a half he can kiss his deadline goodbye. We will be stuffed!!

Dr Hauschka is lovely (and I save up for my tube and buy on ebay) but I can't seem to use it at the mo..last time my neck came out in a really weird rash,plus under my eyes where I generally put it, so am not risking it ! Aqueous though plain seems good and a tin of vaseline for under the eyes !!
at 'helpful' woman offering to come to appointment !!

Poor old Mr KK - just the thing you don't need before an exam - and exactly the thing that would happen to me as well. I am 47 and haven't done an exam (unelss you count those little computer conpetency things) for 25 years but i still have nightmares about them.

Hope he has done OK.

Good luck for today RWU. Afraid the news does have a habit of seeping out: I have ranted about this before, but I guess sometimes it is easier if people find out without you having to tell them. As long as they handle it OK

One woman I know volunteered herself to come with me to an appointment. She said it would be OK as she knew what to expect, she had been with her Mum - "when they told her she had BC I couldn't stand it, I ran out of the room screaming". Thanks for the offer, love, but I think I'll go by meself....

Thanks for all the tips ref radio. Will dig out the old t-shirts, of which i have loads, and start slathering on the aqueous (VERY jealous about MAS's Dr Hauschka though....)

GOOD LUCK TODAY RWU!!! WE ARE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU!!!

RWU - really hope the prunes worked and you are feeling up to the chemo - lots of luck with that today.
I daresay word will get around about you - it's surprising how these things seep out - which might make it easier than your having to say to individuals what's happening...it must be very difficult to tell people,particularly if not close friends etc as people's reactions are hard to handle I think - if they are upset,that's awaful,or if they are then really worried about you,equally awful - very tricky all round.
I ran into a very nice woman who I know from my son's junior school (on PTA /school gates etc) and she asked me how I was as she'd heard I'd not been well -I can't think how she knew,apart from another mum who knows a friend of mine,but my friend hadn't told her friend ifswim,though the friend seemed to know anyway !!
Thinking of you today anyway RWU x

my radio burns always got worse if i had a drink- more to do with dehydration that alcohol causes than anything else though i think- also at the time i rarely felt like drinking so a small ammount had a big effect !

I saw the outside world today [yey] more acuratly i saw the cheery (?) interior of Brongalis Hospital, but then had lunch out with a good friend and took dd to toddler group after getting the go ahead from onc- as long as my temp doesn't start rising or i feel bad i can carry on with doing a little bit here and there, we only go to one group and it is a very small gathering of hand-picked mums and babies . I did get for the first time someone asking about my health, i sort of fielded the question and quickly got in the car!

Not sure if word has got out as i know for a fact that one of the other mums is a mn'er and i'm pretty sure that even with the name changing i've done recently she'd track me down- but in a way it would be an easier way if she did know and quietly told the others i guess- i'm not entirely sure how to broach the subject otherwise

So i'm feeling a lot better typically just in time for tomorrows onslaught of chemo, head is really itchy and i am horribly constipated but dh is planning prunes and orange juice for breaky! My radio starts a week on tuesday- but i am on every other day including weekends. Oncologist was hopeful that something is happening- but we should know more in a month or so. Oh and the joys of having to trot down to the path lab or docs surgery every morning with a wee sample awaits- would just love to get stopped by the police, "what do you have there then love?", "oh just this mornings wee for the doctor!"

Hope everyone is well and keeping spirits up- will catch up with the thread in the morning! x

I'm sure I couldn't do any exams now either !! hope MrKurriKurri has done well
I just used aqueous, but probably not as liberally as I might (in fact I'm using it still on my neck and chest as a moisturiser as my usual Dr Hauschka rose day cream made me itch !) I stuck to dreary old simple soap and no shaving under that arm or deo. I stuck soft hankies in my bra too when it was a bit sore and weepy and then got really good non-stick dressings from bcn which did the trick.
As for drinking -hmm, don't think I deliberately cut back,though I don't usually drink during the week- you're meant to have lots of fluids though.

Thanks Cakes, the exam seemed to go well, or as DH puts it 'I don't think I made a complete arse of myself'. Although he got half way to the centre (an hour away) and realised he'd forgotten his glasses, so had to come home and get them.
Hope the RT goes well, do you start fairly soon? I had some soreness and burning, but I think people all react differently to these things. Just be liberal with the aqueous cream,and tip from my radiotherapist - wear loose t-shirts inside out (so seams don't rub your skin)- obviously not always practical though! Radiotherapists at my hospital were all lovely and caring, and one advantage of daily visits is that they can keep an eye on any skin problems you may have. Good luck with your new stage of treatment, this illness certainly helps you get to know your local hospital doesn't it

Hope the exam went OK for Mr KurriKurri, don't think I could do an exam any more. Too long in the tooth and brain dead now.

I have heard the radio isn't too bad, tho' poor old MAS had a bad time with burns. But I am glad to be moving on to a new stage, it seems positive. Tomorrow I am going to take all the unused drugs to be disposed of at the chemists as a sign of a new phase. Yay!!

I have got my aqueous cream and my aloe vera gel, and I shall grit my teeth and get on with it. And I WILL book one of the alternatve therapies the hospital offers if it is the last thing I do! Always seem to be too busy, but it seems like too good an opportunity to waste!

I think it's a great idea to be getting fit and healthy: I have spent too much of the summer partying, if I am truthful, but it has been good for my mental state (feeble excuse). I plan to get into some yoga and healthy exercise asap (honest ) The diet is pretty good, but I could cut out some of the wine...especially as I seem to remember RWU saying it does not work well with radio.

Hi all, thanks so much for welcoming me yesterday. Sorry I've only just got back to the thread, I went out for the evening yesterday, and this morning went to a Yoga and aquafit session for women cancer patients. I'm starting to aim for a fitter healthier lifestyle than I had before -trying to get back a bit of control over my life.
Well done for getting through the chemo Cakes,RT is not so bad, just a bit tying going into the hospital everyday. Hope everyone is having a reasonable day it can be a bit up and down sometimes can't it? I've got an oncology appointment tomorrow afternoon, so will have to practice my yoga breathing so I don't get too tense
Better get the kettle on for DH, he had an exam this afternoon and was a bit nervous about it, so may need a bit of TLC when he gets home!

oh I didn't mean to leave KurriKurri out !
Glad tooth is sorted Cakes

Yay!

Got flipping tooth fixed. Life is looking a whole lot rosier! Plus I have sorted out some of my horrid work issues for now at least. I think I can hear a choir of angels singing.........

off out now to get a pirate costume for Book Day. oh the joys!!

let's hear how you are RWU, and MorphFan, and KurriKurri - I imagine everyone thinks you have got past it all now, whereas of course, you have not, completely. I should think it gets hard sometimes when life returns to normal. So come and vent here!

ah thanks Cakes - will charge her something of course,for paper,ink and p&p etc and a token fee for design -I just feel bad because our printer is a bit basic and I was worried the finish wasn't as nice as I'd wish for - I had to print each one separately (50 sheets ) as it was smudging - so I have spent a bit of time on it ! designing stuff isn't really my thing though,but she's a nice old stick.
Hope visit to onc. was ok RWU and that you are ok too MorphFan.

Sorry that should be - she could say so, not so so.

Hi MorphFan - sorry not to answer this before - just a lumpectomy and a lymph node clearance here. Finished chemo last week (and now feeling wrecked, but it has generally been not nearly as bad as I had feared so take heart!). About to start radio and tamoxifen.

Hope things go well at the oncologists RWU and that the trip out will make you feel a bit more human. VERY jealous about the laptop, your DH really is a peach, ins't he?

I did enjoy London really, just paying for it with tiredness a bit now. I too Lurve trains. And by the way MAS, you really should charge your old neighbour. I bet the work is lovely. And if it isn't what she wanted, she could so so. So if she wants to pay - LET HER!!! You can always give her a friends and family rate - but make some money on the deal I bet you worked hard enough for it!

xx

hey RWU - hope the brief outing to onc is ok tomorrow - hope there'll be fresh air and that it's not too rainy !
at your Trainspotting episode Cakes !!
Am contemplating a trip to London to a meeting with my agent and my fellow illustrators - think it's not quite as expensive a journey from here - I do love trains though..

checking in (in fact i'm trying to type to convince myself that my hands are still attached to my body )! Been downstairs today was a bit of a journey but i made it there and back without the need to sit down! What an acheivement [useless sodding body] anyway tomorrow i plan on seeing the outside world- if only for an hour and for an onc appt!

Hope all are well and welcome to new poster- forgotten your name already (i am seriously drug addled at the mo in my defence!) Welcome- i shall look forward to getting to know you when i am back on the planet!

Love to you all x

Hi all

back again and feeling like i have been robbed all day - £106 to got to London and back!

Wow this thread has been busy. Excellent!

MAS - nop I definitely did NOT mean your post was miserable and self indulgent, only mine. I have been a bit like that recently.

Good to see you up and about(ish) RWU - it does sound a bit grim, hope the various injections etc bring you further back into the real world.

And for MorphFan and KurriKurri - Hi, fellow travellers! it is all a bit grim isn't it. I am sure you will be just fine MorphFan, but a horrible, horrible time for you, I know. Share it with us, we are all (including KurriKurri by the sounds of it) VERY used to it now.

have just finished my last chemo. I have to have GCSF white blood cell count boosting injections daily for a week after (not sure if anyone else has these also, they are to do with a wound infection I had, and making sure it does not reassert itself during the chemo cycle). it has to be done at the same time every day (ish) - so today, having had to go to London, I found myself in the novel position of having to shoot up in a station toilet. Was like Trainspotting

Then I had nowhere to put the needle so had to carry it around all day and remember not to flick it out of my bag when I got my pen out..

you've had I mean !

hi KurriKurri and you are more than welcome - sounds as though you'll had a plateful

Hi everyone, I'm newish to mumsnet and have been wanted to join this thread for a while (gathering courage but sure i don't need to as you all sound so friendly and kind.) I got my DX just over a year ago, I was devastated at the time, but now learning to live with it and regaining my joy in life. I still have the odd tearful day though.
Morphfan, I had a mastectomy, followed by lymphnode clearout, chemo and RT, and am now on herceptin and tamoxifen. If there's anything I can help you or anyone else with please just let me know.

ooh,new laptop !! so sorry you are feeling so vile thoughxxx

'ello- i'm still just about in the land of the living- but feel as if i'm clinging on by my fingertips !
Blast of various toxic chemicals has wiped me out for the first time ever and the furthest i've been since thurday is the loo opening my new (i heart hubby!) laptop has been a bit of an effort- have another steroid-y jab in the morning and iron something-or-other doogemywotsit so will hopefully feel part of the human race again soon.

i have spongy legs/fingers/head very weird feeling all over- hard to explain but when i first wake up i feel totally stoned- that i like , its the next hour til i drop back off to sleep that's not so fun !

Anyway- love to you all, will catch up soon- Morph- jump in and join, we don't bite...... much

no mastectomy,just WLE and sentinel node biopsy for me..

Oh no - I didn't mean cliquey. I just meant breaking into a conversation between a group of friends. Clearly something I find difficult in RL and on t'internet . Also, RWU - hope you don't think I was too cheesy. I am as much in awe about you hosting a party for 50 children!!

Did any of you have a mastectomy prior to chemo and/or radiotherapy??

oh there you are !! please join in any time - we aren't being a clique I hope !!!! You are right about me -finished rads in July...am sure that Cakes will be back shortly and RWU too.

Hello Ladies - my ears must have been burning!

I've sat down several times to post - but have found it quite difficult (it feels a bit like butting into a group of mums at the school gates - iykwim). I did read through the whole thread after my weekend away - but really need to do that again as I don't seem to have retained much info

Lets see - Mary I think has completed radiotherapy fairly recently and Cakes has just completed chemo and is now waiting for radiotherapy. RWU - I think you have probably had more than one course of chemo already and are in the middle of another lot now. I'm sure you won't thank me for saying this, but - I have nothing but admiration for your strength of character up til now and look forward to another wave from you soon.

So - me. I'm booked for surgery - almost certainly mastectomy - on the 16th. Then chemo and radiotherapy. I'm (mostly) positive that all will be well in the end - but not looking forward to the bit inbetween! I think I said before we have two children DD not quite 3 and DS 1 - who are certainly helping to keep my days occupied while I wait for the 16th...

Morph

did you mean my post too !! I do get myself in a pickle- garage man was ok about the scuffing and said he'd sort it - I just feel cross with myself for carelessness !
I was wondering about MorphFan too - hope she's ok & hello if you are about
Have just made hot choc and malted milk biscuits for me and ds who has a bad cold.
I have a soft spot for London,being from W London,but now escaped..wouldn't want to live there anymore but I get pangs now and again - it was brilliant growing up there and being so close to everything - I went to a London art school too and my years there were the best ever.

God that was a miserable, self-indulgent post, wasn't it?

Sorry, am fine really, just under a bit of work pressure. So is DH so we are a miserable pair of tossers at the moment.

Hope all is well with you all, including MorphFan, who seems to have disappeared for now.

Will be back in a hopefully more cheery frame of mind following trip to London. (Not in itself likely to cheer me up, as I am not a big fan of the place...)

ow about tooth - what a pain..hope London trip goes well !
Am feeling quite upset about car,silly I know in the scheme of things -I was so excited about having something brand new too ! I am being very self critical and hard on myself at the mo. Have just printed some comps. slips for an old neighbour (where I lived before) -and am fretting about whether they are done properly or well enough - she wants to pay for my time/design/paper/ink etc but I feel I can't charge because it's not good enough (in my mind anyway) Argghhh..I know I will mull the car thing around for ages -I just feel bad about it.
Back to your radio. and tamox meeting next week - I guess they might have an idea of how many rads and when your planning session might be coming up.

Oh tish,

it is annoying, isn't it - i am a bit prone to kerbing cars myself - never mind I am sure they have seen worse.

I am OK thanks, the weather isn't too dismal here but work is proving a bit of a trial. And I have broken a tooth, which is making my tongue really sore. Ooch! Have to got o london tomorrow, but am hoping to get the bloddy tooth sorted on Wednesday. Even hurts to talk. Gah!

I have a meeting next week to discuss radio and tamoxifen.

hi both of you - hope you're doing ok and not too depressed by this dismal weather. Am feeling a bit and foolish as I have managed to scuff the wheel trim on a brand new (as in I'm the first person to drive it) car by going too close to the kerb when parking - it's a courtesy car from the garage while mine is being serviced - am sooo cross with myself -I'm always doing that to mine but I really should have been more careful in this one -of course I shall tell them when I go to pick up my car larer...grrrr

Hi RWU

Don't worry, your place is always marked here!

Good to hear from you, rest up and I hope to catch up soon. Thinking of you!

xx

lovely to see you RWU - rest up now and see you again soon !

urrgghhhh! i'm here no energy to type but marking my place for now! <<waves pathetically>>

I suspect she may not have !!
T is doing his grade 1 singing exam in December - he has lessons once a week and sings in school choir too - not many boys do this so I do have to keep saying how cool it is - he is very keen to go into music and has a nice voice so have encouraged singing - he is a shy boy but curiously unselfconscious about singing !!
Have a lovely weekend too xx

Hi there

Wore the scarf for the meeting, def. NOT going au naturel anywhere for a while yet!

Theo sounds lovely, did not know he was a singer, you must be very proud. What exam is he doing?

I know what you mean about people's comments - dh's family are all Irish and when they say "You look well" they mean "fatter".

An even worse one - we were at the hospital on Wed for my chemo and someone was moaning about the car parking prices - I said we got free parking owing to my constantly having to be there. The woman said "Yes my sister is in the same boat, shame you have be terminally ill to get it though" Aaargh!! She probably kicked herself afterwards (at least I hope she did!!)

have a good weekend!

xx

glad the chemo was tolerable and that the client board meeting went well too - did you wear your wig or scarf or go au naturel ?
Am hoping too that RWU is ok and not feeling rotten - not sure if treatment has started yet.
Have been ok at night and seem to be sleeping ok, so imagine it might've been the change of bed etc !! I have felt like just curling up and going to bed anyway,as it's chilly and I do feel tired - I haven't even read my book before sleep (mind you,it is deathly dull Picture of Dorian Gray - for bookgroup- I fear I shall give up)
The head bcn from hospital rang me back yesterday (I'd left a message for my nurse about cbt - apparently she isn't well) and she was really nice and they will speak to my gp for me -I'm sure I'd dither about if left to me,plus I feel awkward explaining my whole history of ocd - bit scared now of cbt !! Apart from that all ok..saw an old friend from London on Tuesday and she was very concerned and sweet - she told me how well I looked which makes me smile as I don't see that I should look 'ill' or different !! Of course,that's a euphemism for fat too but think I'm same size as before !! An even older friend saw me the week before last and said I looked tired !
Theo is very well and jolly,though it depends on what kind of day he's had- I may leave him for half an hour while I nip to post office to collect a package - nothing exciting-I suspect it's just finished artwork being returned by publisher. Must make him do singing practice too- he is usually compliant,sometimes huffs about it, but I think he really wants to do well with it ! I will be so proud if he passes the exam well
Take care and let's hope we see RWU v soon

It was fine, thanks - but exercising my democratic right did me no good at all. They strapped me to a table, gagged me, and did it anyway. (OK, they said it would be OK, checked with the consultant, and I rolled over - as always )

How are things with you, dh and the delightfuly named Theo? Are you still getting a bit hot under the collar at night - yeah, me too.

Your weekend away sounds fab, by the way, MAS - hope it did you the world of good. We are hoping for another one soon - SIL is pushing us towards taking their apartment in Bath again soon (the good times cease to roll soon when the contract ends and the glamorous flat gets taken back) so we are hoping to slot one in soon. And to arrange a holiday pre-Xmas - the school is coming down pretty hard on holidays in term time, but if we can fit one in, we are going anyway, hell, it's been a tough year!!

My big client board meeting went very well - all had been pre-warned (to save their embarrassment) and one of them was very keen to talk to me as her Mum has leukaemia and has to start chemo in the next few months. So it was all fine, and I think I will finally boot the wig out of the door. That was the only reason I was keeping it - for potential big meetings. I didn't wear it to this one, it was fine, so I don't think I need that backstop any more. let me know if you know anyone who might want to go to a party as a drag queen and I'll send it right on over !

RWU is uncharacteristically quiet - has her treatment started, do we know? Sending lots of good thoughts and positive stuff, and crossing everything that is not too painful..

hope it was ok

Thanks! If you hear faraway screaming at about 10.30 tomorrow it will be me exercising my democratic right not to have my left arm used

oh Cakes -will be thinking of you xxxx

Hi all

Just got back from my pre-chemo blood test: hopefully the last one. Having waited an hour and a half, have just found out that chemo patients can demand to be seen after half an hour.

Ah well, I doubt I'd have done it anyway, we were all in the same boat so it hardly seems fair.

Hope you are all doing well today, ladies: I am gearing myself up for tomorrow and the struggle over which arm to use......

50 kids. Aaargh! Hats off to you, RWU, wouldn't take that one on if I was in peak form!

Weekend away sounds fab MAS - I have been getting a bit hot in the night as well, I fear it may well be the dreaded you-know-what in my case, the chemo can start you off. Bugger!

Am off to various work-related stuff now - good luck to you all this week.

PS My hair has started to grow back betwen cycles - head looks and feels like suede

<<crawls out from under the duvet and starts rocking in the corner>>

I'm fine- really i am

blimey RWU - am in total awe

hope everyone is in good spirits today! I have dt's 6th birthday's tomorrow so the party was today- 50 hyper children (in two sittings ) running around the local soft play centre- i am buggered now!

Right cakes- good luck for chemo! MAS calm down and relax, Morph- chat when you are ready!

<<RWU crawls into bed>>

Cakes -am forgetting myself - hope all goes well this week, and you too RWU

hi morphfan and welcome - hope your weekend was lovely and relaxing, or as relaxing as it could be- look forward to chatting ! am sure you are still reeling a bit from the diagnosis but do share any frets and worries with us.
I am just back after a long- looked forward to posh weekend away with just dh -he suggested it when I was going through the beginnings of this and it's been such a lovely thing to contemplate - it has cost a small fortune but was worth it for the Egyptian cotton bedlinen,complementary vodka shots,lovely bathrobes,gorgeous scenery and fab food - am home again and into the washing/sorting for Monday -argh ! Didn't sleep too well the first night even though the bed was stunningly comfy -think it was too much food (grilled sea bream) ,then coffee and generally being hyped up (OCD makes going away not very straightforward) ...also have a horrid feeling that tamoxifen is making me overheat at night,because I woke up v hot -mind you,dh said that the duvet was much more plush than we are used to ! I hope it isn't night sweats -yuck yuck. I felt a bit knotted up inside on Saturday,but I think again this is ocd related as I take ages to unwind and relax...but it was fab fab fab !

Morphfan

Warm hello from me too - hope you enjoy your weekend away: come and talk to us when you are rested and refreshed!

I am not going to be about much myself for a day or two after today (more work related dullness and then another shot of chemo) but will catch up with you as soon as I can.

I am sure your diagnosis has come as a bit of a shock. Talk to us and we we will try to help you through any crappy bits, and just chat away through the rest.

Good that you have got away for a rest and a change of scene. I do that a lot!

Thank you!
I'm off today for a long planned weekend away so I won't be able to catch up properly with your thread just yet - but at least I've found you...
Thanks again.

you are more than welcome- quick post as i'm off to bed but wanted you to get an answer! pull up a chair and make yourself comfy!

Hello - I hope you don't mind me butting into your thread - but I have been pointed in your direction.
I have been diagnosed this week with papillary carcinoma of the breast and will have surgery on 16th October - to be followed by chemo and radiotherapy. I'm 42 and have DD almost 3 and DS who was 1 on Monday.
I'm afraid I've only skimmed the thread so far - hope I'm in the right place.

Miranda is a lovely name My boy is Theo - short and simple !
Hope the meeting goes well Cakes - sounds impressive to me and am sure you'll manage the reactions with aplomb..take care both of you xxx

I love Tabitha and Matilda, lovely solid old-fashioned names. (Ours is Miranda, so a similar sort of theme going on.)

have a good weekend ladies - I am off to a client board meeting (groan). Sometimes I could ALMOST imagine myself as high powered.

Wonder what they'll make of my baldness - i haven't seen them since May, and don't exactly broadcast the fact that I have been having treatment....

Thanks! there are twins both sides of our family- i am a twin as is my mother as is my grandmother- so we knew there was a good chance but then we had difficulty getting any (now know it was dodgy hormones/ovaries etc) and ended up with two sets of clomid twins we shall find out in a week or so whether the 6yo are identical- we and the medics always assumed they were as they are pretty alike and only one placenta etc but a recent trip to the dentist has put it in question so we have had genetic testing done to find out for sure.

On the names front it always tickles me when people ask where i got the boys names.... the bible- you know best selling book of all time Millie was supposed to be Tabitha Matilda- but dh stepped in

my dad was a twin so I wondered whether I might have them- just got the one though ! Your boys and dd have great names btw.

i try not to make it a too well known fact- i get some strange looks

wow ! pramtastic ! I didn't realise you had 2 sets of twins !!

Have just added some pics on my profile page need to sort some more of the boys out but there are a few of the new pram set

Also at the pram event! I feel the same about our wine delivery.

at your pram excitement !! Am glad you are feeling good too
I am fine -I have no reason to feel anxious really - I have a v nice weekend to look forward to -which is prob. why my anxieties are raised ! can't win really Have asked bcn to speak to my gp about CBT (these terms !)as I know I'd wimp out about it.

hello! still feeling great here! That is probably due to the fact i am waiting in for dd's new dolls pram and playset for her xmas pressie I am heavily obsessed by prams (was my career before early retirement ) so it has taken ages to find something which was just right- but i finally found it here with a £20 off a £40 spend i got it for £20 delivered- and its a mini version of one of my favourite prams (and very like her current bugaboo!)

Must calm down or i shall jump on the poor delivery man right i'll go wash some nappies that will curb my excitement.

Hope you are all feeling ok- MAS remember no-one expects you to be the life and soul atm- take things in your own time and push for the CBT if you think it will help you out.

!

You have my sympathies - you sound very much like my DH. Anxiety is his middle name (well it's Hugh really, but I think that was an oversight by the priest).

I thought I was too fidgetty for this kind of stuff as well, but it becomes a bit hypnotic and does help. Anyway, just a thought!

I don't think we can change the way we are really, and we probably shouldn't try. WEveryone has their own way to deal with the challenges life throws up - mine is to ignore them and pretend they aren't there.

aww- sweet of your friend Cakes - a kind of you to make her feel better ! am glad you are feeling perky too !
I don't have much patience with things like massage etc - too jumpy/fidgetty ! (though a head massage at hairdressers is always unexpectedly lovely !) I am just naturally anxious which is a pain - I get anxious about nice things too as well as the things I'm not looking forward to..but it passes,,so shouldn't make a fuss !

Morning all!

Great to hear you are doing so well RWU: but sorry to hear things are up and down for you, MAS.

I find a bit of reflexology works wonders - don't know if you have ever tried it, but it has me walking on air for about three weeks.

I am in my third week between treatments, so feeling pretty perky (and also trying to hold back time 'cos I don't want to go any more!)

A friend from school has just interrutpted my MN-ing to bring me flowers, and she burst into tears. Not quite the strong shoulder for me to cry on then . I have given her a conforting cuddle and sent her on her way

thanks RWU - it's an ocd thing really,it bloody weighs things down- without it I'd be on a much more even keel I know. Am definitely going to go for more CBT if I am eligible.

aw, keep smiling MAS make sure you look after yourself and have some time to wallow in self pity- i find that always helps a bit

oh that is good news RWU
fine here really, I waiver between fine and quite down - don't attribute it to tamoxifen though as I think it's my usual way !

hello ladies- how are we all today? I am fine!! Infact i'm quite bouncy now that the kids are in their rooms! My line is ok- was checked earlier neck wound is healing well, cuff wound is a little weepy but nothing to worry about, no pain, no nastiness even went to toddlers with DD!

Zero tolerance policy on bad manners here, also . With hindsight I may have been overly stern yesterday. Tough love!!

!! Other people's blood I'd find difficult to tolerate...I fainted once during ds's blood test and was mortified - they'd tried to get blood without any success and the stress just finished me off.
ds -for all his being on his own,is wonderful at sharing his things and very considerate of others feelings and needs,which I am so happy about -would be very easy for him to be the opposite as he is the centre of everything at home,though I also think I temper things with being a bit stern !!

She called you WHAT? How very rude........

I think you are very much a "getter on with it" actually - just a bit squeamish over blood. And I'm not good either, when it is my own.

Agree leave a while for the next one. Pace yourself.

I do see my dd in your description of yourself. As an only she is used to her own space and stuff amd gets quite territorial about it all. And yet she'd give away her last sweet or anything she owned at other times, she is quite a good sharer. Just not of her own domestic space.

laths -woodworky maths !! Oh how I'm glad we are beyond having kids over to play -quite frankly an awful prospect -not that ds behaved badly or fought-just other people's kids rampaging around !! He does on occasion have a friend over for tea but all the friends want to do is go on the computer/keyboards/etc and ds is always very obliging but would probably rather do his own stuff
Think that having an only they do seem very self sufficient.I used to get mightily annoyed with my friends who just came to read all my comics because their mum forbade them in their house. I took to hiding them under my doll's cot mattress.
Stitches out ok- not too scary- no blood ! Am going to have to psych myself up for the removal of another at some point, but think I'll wait a wee while (until poor doctor has forgotten about the 'emergency bleeder' as the nurse referred to me)

Clearly that should have been "maths"

Stitches out is ouchy, MAS, hope it goes OK and you do not keel over

Do not worry about your dh and lack of sympathy, most men like to wring every last drop out of a bit of a cold. Sympathy is not usually required.

Did not have a good day yesterday - dd had been pestering me for a playdate for ages, I avoid as they always turn a bit fighty, not sure why. Dd is usually pretty sweet, but it always get very argumentative and snatchy, and she is every bit as bad as the rest of them, PLUS we both work at home, so it is hard for dh if world war 3 is breaking out around him. So anyway I caved in and took dd and her best friend to the park - neutral turf and no disturbance for dh, who has a lot on his plate at the mo.

Felt like a referee, it was no better than before. And dd had the gall to say - as soon as we had dropped her bf off - I wish I could play with her more often. WHY???? IT IS HELL!!!

But today I feel like a weight has been lifted, as there is no playdate looming. Yay!! This evening it is a session at the school on how they teach laths in Key Stage 1, and that sounds like heaven in comparison!

I love your get on with it attitude RWU and yours too Cakes -I do try to get over stuff too and sometimes am a little impatient with my nearest and dearest when they aren't very well - dh thinks I can be unsympathetic which makes me sound awful.
Have added another bit to the Asda thread - I don't want people to think I'm butting in unasked on other people's behalves but the bc forums have really made me think more than I would have before,iyswim.
Am a huge Strictly fan ! missed Claudia last night as that programme is on at an awkward time.
Off to have head stitches out - hope I can behave in the surgery.

No, I can imagine the tube in the neck thing must take a bit of getting used to. Do they take all the gubbins out at some future point, or do they leave it to minimise the mucking about you have to submit to?

I know what you mean about getting on with stuff, I am much the same (thuogh admittedly have had much less to get on with than you, so far). I can't stand all the constant phoning from concerned rellies, I know they mean well, but there quickly comes a point where there is nothing new to say, and talking just makes you feel worse. I must be a big disappointment for the chattering classes around here, whenever I get the dreaded sympathetic head-on-one-side "And how are you feeling?" I just go "Great thanks, how about you?". If it was up to me they would know NOTHING - shame DH is a bit of a blabberchops

Anyone over 35 who is even interestrd in KP - even in an "ooh look, a car crash" kind of way - has some challenges, that's for sure...

I'm feeling fine- a bit wobbly when i'm tired but that's prob down to the sedative. Actual would is fine, nothing is 'paiful' but just feels a tad weird to have bits of tubing snaking around in my neck iyswim. As for being a trouper- i don't do the whole suffering thing i',m not much cop at being sensitive and caring in rl, so i just do what i would prefer others do- keep going!

KP thing has actually really wound me up- i would support the campaign wholeheartedly if the front-woman was someone relevent- but i will not support KP making more money (she was paid handsomely for the use of her tits- none of the fee was donated to charity ) So i'm afraid i shall be supporting Macmillan rather than tickled pink.

The risk group for BC is 35 upwards in most cases, i'm not aware of many normal 35 yo finding KP a 'role model'!

MAS - I have taken a look and posted on the other thread to add my two pence worth - now come back and find the answer to my question about KP's cancer. A bloody mole? Flipping heck, is that all it was?

I too am not terribly scarred - one is just a bit flatter underneath than the other, it looks like it has been sitting on a shelf for a bit too long - but the thought of katie Price getting her horrible, plastic baps out AGAIN in the name of this campaign makes me a feel a bit sick. (You can probably tell I can't stand her, not sure of it is the baps, the plastic lips, or the vacuous nonsense that comes out of her mouth that I like the least).

Anyway - what's with the name change MAS, are we into Strictly in a big way? I'm an X Factor girl myself, though getting a bit sick of the big auditions.

RWU - glad to hear it was not too bad, though I suspect you are a bit of a trouper, it would have knocked a lesser mortal for six a bit more. Hope you are feeling OK today: I bet that lovely DH of yours is looking after you wonderfully. (Can you tell I have bonded with him a bit now I know we both look old before our time ?)

Take it easy for a bit, and stay off argumentative threads! I could sense a bit of tension building there from the KP fans!

how are you today RWU ?

defend is wrong word - support is better !

I think I want to leave it alone now - am very lucky that my breast is only a bit dented but I feel on behalf of others who have been subjected to a mangling... I should probably leave the forums alone - but some people on them have been incredibly helpful to me so I feel I should defend them !

i have just posted again, i thought about it for a long time first BUT i feel that using KP is pushing the fact that my body especially my boobs are a bloody mess now through no fault of my own- she has chosen to have enhancing surgery. I can't quite put my finger on it but i don't like it at all.

I feel a bit depressed by this - there is much anger on the BCC forum

sorry but the last post "would you prefer they use someone who has never experienced cancer" [snort] a growth on a finger hardly constitutes the invasive treatment many people go through does it i still don't like her, it or Asda (that maybe just because its two hours to get to the nesrest one )

mm, didn't want to out myself really by saying much..I don't have any opinions really on KP - but I think for those who have had mastectomies and a lot of cancer surgery it seems a bit much to have her breasts so prominent in a campaign- she has scars but they aren't the same.

have replied again- i think its off- she uses her tits to make money, not quite sure what my arguement against it is tbh- just don't like her maybe we are just in the boat atm so its more personal (and ffs- she didn't survive cancer she had a fecking mole removed ) grrrrrrrr.........

can I ask you two about this btw ?
here

oh well done reallywoundup - you're a star !

i am home- ds's all asking why i have plug now- do i need to be charged up

Went well, stayed for a while afterwards, now a bit sore but have drugs all in all not bad- first in, at 9.30, home by 4.15! God love Bronglais Hospital

RWU - I am betting you don't see this today. But I am thinking of you anyway. Take a deep breath and stay strong.

xx

i have valium

was just this minute thinking of you..don't be scared xx

cheers! am sitting cacking myself atm- i hate hospitals have my little bag all packed and ready

RWU - in case I don't get back today -will be thinking of you tomorrow and sending love xxxx

I tried doing that from your fb album name but I think your privacy settings won't allow me to access your profile to request friendship ! let me think...

well my name is the name of the spider (i think) in a film called ...... web, middle name is the first name of the actress who played sandy in the grease film, davies is my surname and my profile pic has me and dd, i am wearing a purple hat! plug that in and i should come up!

Haha, not that secretive about my name but just figure if someone googles me this won't give me away

I couldn't get to your profile from the pics or access your profile searching with your name - I don't have CAT on here either !

ooh fb friends! def add me (i'm guessing you can add me from my album link?) if not cat me and i'll find you.

argh- what is wrong with my typing ?

awwww..cute ! now you've put chocolate custard into my mind..am dreadful,if someone mentions a food thing I get an awful urge to have it (obviously only if I like it !)
Hey RWU - we could be fb friends,if you wanted (though completely understand if you'd prefer to keep mn and fb pals separate !) I spent too much time on fb but it links me up to my friends and lots of my relations- plus I just ove noseying at everyone's pictures !

oh I'm on facebook RWU ! am off to lok at your pics...

Oh I love those! Esp the fourth one along, what a little monkey she looks!

No, not on facebook am afraid, haven't quite got around to it - keep meaning to, wil let you onow if I do.

apologies- right i hope this works its a facebook album! (ps are either of you on fb? I'm starting to get the hang of it )
www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=122449&id=727616948&l=1db5f2c76b

Come on RWU, we are waiting for photos!

That's something to cling onto then!

It does seem like a bit of an indignity, but I am treating it as a bit of a laugh, as I know I am luckier than many, having not felt too bad on the treatment so far. Am Knackered, though. Sometimes i can hardly be fagged to get to the end of a sentence. DD gets away with murder because i can't be arsed to argue. (can usually be bothered to give her my patended Gorgon Stare, though )

they might revert to usual colour later - my SILs hair grew very differently at first but is now as it was before chemo..still, must make you feel pissed off -another indignity to put up with

Doesn't present a nice picture does it?

I have a thing that looks like a third eye on my forehead, and dodgy eyelashes sprouting all over the place.

Poor dd, bet she is really embarrassed when I turn up looking like one of the Munsters

yikes !!

Blurgle! My eyelashes have been falling out and growing back for a few weeks now as the chemo progresses, but I have just noticed something WEIRD. They have always been black and I thought they were growing back grey but they are SANDY!! And CURLY!!

So I look like I haven't got any until I poke around with the mascara brush, when they emerge - looking like I can't put it on properly. They are more sparse than usually, but long, and pointing in all directions.

yay, will look forward to pics !

google away, I don't think it will horrify you at all.

Can't wait to see dd pics.

i don't really have a choice in the matter so google-ing will be fine to see what to expect! chemo too toxic for veniflow or portacath

off to google now- don't really know anything about them yet- not even how they do it so could get a few shocks- but better have them today than on monday on my way into theatre I am just about to post up some pics of dd after eating choc custard- she is fake-baked will link to it later! still chuckling atm!

will think of you on Monday RWU

Oh no, sorry, it is only that MaryAnn is so squeamish. When I googled the consensus from victims patients was that it was not too bad. Honest!

Hope it goes OK on Monday!!

thanks guys! Hickman being fitted on Monday- i have resisted google-ing thus far but now............!!

yack !

Do not. There are photos.

arghh ! it was the bleeding bit that did it for me - could cope with the injection and cutting but....
I probably daren't look up Hickman lines !

It is a glam name isn't it?

My GP didn't want to get it off becuase he said "they bleed like buggery" (have your legs gone wobbly yet?) but apparently it is painless to remove. I was keen to get it gone before the hair all went - but hey ho. I'll "treat" myself to an appointment as soon as possible after end of chemo. (Iam single handedly going to bust my GP's budget, I know it)

Ooh have just taken a look at the Hickman Line thing.

On the yuk! side - looks complicated. On the yay! side - someone rated it as uncomfortable NOT painful (gave it a 3 out of 10 pain rating).

Not surprised your heart isn't filled with song at the thought, but here's hoping it's not too bad. When is it?

I know what you mean about not feeling like opening up to the playgroup friends. It is all a bit personal really, isn't it? And also difficult to broach. I have a load of really good old friends who I only see intermittently owing to distance, and only one of these knows anything at all. Newer, local friends know the lot, however. For me it is about keeping life normal - the ones I see every day know because I look different and am feeling different - but the ones i would not be seeing on a regular basis, while they would be lovely, I don't want to engage them with it really. Dh is a different story though. I have to stop him telling strangers in the bloody street. We have had many, many rows about this. Just because people ask him, it doesn't mean he has to tell them. Why can't he just say "she's fine, thanks"??

And have you noticed how many people can't stop themselves eyeing your chest to see if they can spot anything?

eek..no!! it was a small cyst,nothing very dramatic - am now feeling queasy again at the thought of a blood filled thing (despite it's rather glam name) !
RWU - am sure your ds will be fine and not starving - you are taking the right approach !
When will hickman line appointment be ?

Good luck to ds - sure he will be ok, reception teachers are always LOVELY.

The glasses thing is a howler, isn't it? I think she finds herself cool generally at the moment. We took her to PIzza Hut the other day (oh, yes, we are bigtime into healthy eating hereabouts )and she returned from the salad cart (OK ice cream thing) bopping across the floor to some 80s dirge or other (I think it was Deacon Blue - remember them? No nor me really).

MaryAnn what was the lump you had scalpelled off (don't faint). Was it one of those Morgan de campell blood filled things that you get (ahem) after 40? I have a great big one in the middle of my forehead, it looks like a third eye. I have had about 4 appointments to get it off, but they all coincided with bloody onc appointments so had to cancel, and now of course can't have done til after chemo. I thought it was going to be painless but bloody, but your experience sounds a bit barbaric. Going off it now.

wicked mummy reporting for duty have sent said small boy off to school with a breakfast of 1 banana and 2 pieces of toast (rather than his usual 4/6 however many he can con out of me and dh!) on the basis that he will be more hungry at lunchtime.

Had words with the dinner ladies- who are going to keep an eye on him, and also his old reception teacher is going to sit on his table and try to coax him to eat- if he doesn't, he will get hungry as i am not doing tea until 7pm! [cackle]

Glad everyone seems fine, had an appointment through for my hickman line- can't wait

MAS- glad the bcn is happy to help without you having to traipse off to the gp's hopefully- i hate it when they tell you that this is what you need but you'll have to go to the gp and ask for it. I always feel a bit presumptuous going to docs and saying- "oh i was talking to my mac nurse and she says i need....." not entirely sure why though!

I am also a pushover when it comes to medical opinions- i get myself psyched up to tell 'em how i want things done, go in, sit down and agree with everything they say

Cakes- stil lol about the glasses thing, sounds like something my lot would come up with after watching ben 10

Have a lovely day ladies- the sun is shining here so hope it is with you as well!

I will most probably go for more CBT I think - but might ask bcn to intervene as I find the asking tricky !
MIL is pretty amazing,considering she is 85 (I think,or 84) anyway, old but a game bird as you say Cakes !
Be sure not to drop your phone in the bath RWU !
Hope you both are having good days so far.

So glad your MIL is on the mend MaryAnn - she sounds like a game bird.

And glad to see the BCN is giving the support you need. They are great, aren't they? Do see the doc and get some more CBT if you think it'll help, no point at all in struggling on with things being harder than they need to be.

Must say am loving the idea of MN-ing from the bath (must make sure the camera on my phone is turned off though, that would be a horror story).
On the school lunches front, I reckon you are right MaryAnn, they don't starve so I'd just suggest going for it - and maybe having a word with the school to make sure the dinner ladies don't stress him and try to make him eat. If he can just eat or not eat, without anyone passing a remark, he'll probably be just fine.

!

well i'm a rebel- i have just had a milk bath, rubbed down with a salt exfoliator, i am now playing with an industrial electromagnet in the garden, scantily dressed and dh is just about to turn on the hose to simulate rain

<<rwu ACTUALLY snuggles further down into her cosy warm dressing gown after spending half an hour checking the ingredients in her bath melts >>

aren't phones a bit magnetic ? hope there's no salt or milk ! have a lovely soak

i can mn in the bath from my phone! how cool is that on second thought maybe thats not something people want to know right i'm off!!

I can't believe it - I had already told you about the cbt in a previous post - I'm so sorry - I think I need to lie down...

and where did the apostrophe come from ?

argh..silly typing - I mean't it is a relief not having the Should I ? question rattling around in my head - sorry

hmm, no sensible ideas about school dinners here either - ds eats pretty much anything and has always had school meals,though I make packed lunches sometimes if his singing lessons or other things encroach on lunchtime - his school has a very hectic canteen,a very short lunch break and it's all a bit of a whirl. I bet Steiner schools eat a wholesome home made soup !!
I think that children will not starve,even though they appear to eat little, but I know the awful anxiety about whether they are getting the right nutrition.
'Serious and Cunning' made me ! I think children do think specs are quite cool these days
The toddler group thing must be awkward reallywoundup - I guess it's not the place to be able to open up and say how things really are.
Cakes - MIL is doing really well - thanks for asking ! - and is being taken home tomorrow to assess what she needs to do when living back there -or rather what her needs will be-all very positive news from her nursing home and SIL has found her a good cleaner (her SILs sister in fact)..with any luck she should be home properly very soon.
Head is fine, I told my bcn about it today as she thinks I should ask my GP for more CBT - I said I'm too embarrassed to see him after causing him trauma yesterday ! Actually she said she could speak to him about it as she feels it would be helpful and her saying so might lend more weight rather than just me saying I would like to try some more - what do you think.. ?just to take the edge off the ocd that still troubles me.
Tamox. wise we are both happy I'm taking it,more for the fact that I was able to make the decision and start it,because I feel a whole lot better having the should I ? question rattling about in my head. She is absolutely wonderful by the way and I feel very privileged to have her- am sure bcns are generally fab from what I've heard.
Btw - she reckons aches aren't tamox related so I think I'm just tired/old !!
Sorry to go on about my stuff all the time..I do go on.

Sounds fab. Enjoy!

xx

dh gets it a lot as he is an 'older' dad- "ah bless grandad taking you to the swings" cue a dh and children dragged back home

On the looking bad thing- think frankenstein with a baaaad hangover

have a lovely relaxing evening ladies- i am going to have a long soak in the bath once the kid are locked in the cupboard in bed.

Actually on consideration, have changed my mind about school dinners - our dinner ladies are like the SS and would prob make your poor ds gnaw on something disgusting until the poor mite threw up.

I'll have a think though. But sad to say I am not the most inspired of parents.......

On a lighter note - took dd to have her eyes tested yesterday - said she couldn't see the whiteboard at school, but i suspected something wasn't quite adding up as she said she wanted glasses so she could look "serious and cunning" (eh?? where the hell did that come from?). Turns out she has 20/20 vision. She is gutted

No, no ideas at all on the eating thing, sorry.

I have always given dd sandwiches for that very reason, she just would worry herself sick about food she did not like, and come home starving. But obviously you need to be doing without all that hassle.

But a friend of mine has a daughter at one of those creepy Steiner schools, and they just keep serving homemade veg soup every day (barf!)and passing no remark until eventually the kids try it. Not ideal I know, but maybe if there is a little something they will eat so they don't die of starvation - eg fruit, a pudding or something, they will eventually get bored and start trying stuff? Especially if their mates do? You know what littlies ar elike, they only need a few mouthfuls to stop them from keeling over, and if they are having fruit, biscuits etc at break time that may be enough until they get more adventurous?

You never know! Worth a try!

By the way - bet you don't look nearly as bad as you think you do. And take heart - i took dd to a restaurant a couple of weeks ago, and there were two old ladies there. I heard one say to the other - "oh how sweet, she is out for tea with her Gran". [blush} and

MaryAnn - so sorry, have been meaning to ask for days - how is your Mother in Law and her poor leg?

And I am envious that your ds has reached the self-conscious stage: I can't wait until I can embarrass my dd (even more than looking like her Gran, which I have clearly already achieved )

dignity- what was that? i left that at the entrance to the maternity ward 6 years ago !! Glad the head is better- take it easy- head wound and everything- you need to point out to dh that you need to rest and he should provide cake and wine

I've developed the headache from hell- i'm guessing it is stress/anxiety, came on as i was getting dd ready for a toddler group we go to. I think i was getting myself in a tizz about people asking questions as the mums at the group are good friends but not the type i would ring up and say "guess what, looks like i'm terminally ill" so its kind of awkward as they don't have a clue really. Still worrying about nothing- no-one asked a thing despite me looking like something the cat threw up obviously i quite often look this rough

On a more tedious note- anyone any clues on how to get a 6 year old to eat school diners? he will happily eat marmite sandwiches but not much else, cries and makes himself sick if he is forced to eat anything else- have tried threats, bribes, being nice , starving him- all to no avail

a milk bath - arf !! perhaps people do actually bath in milk ?! Groin and ankle injections sound hurty to me - am so sorry you girls have to go through these indignities and pain.
Washed my hair this morning,ignoring the pink tinge to the water -I really don't think my doc will want to see me again with another after that. I did think 'what if it never stops bleeding ??" He removed one a few years ago which was fine and as I was getting up to go home he pointed out that it was 'oozing' which did it for me - I asked if I could lie down again for a bit - believe me, you can still faint when horizontal !!
Have been to hospital this morning to see my bcn and it was such a good,helpful,comforting meeting - she is so great,completely understanding my ocd fretfulness and taking the time to really listen -I hadn't spoken about it so much in years and we also talked about my younger brother who died of cancer when he was ten -relevant to my ocd beginnings I think...anyway - she reckons my aching limbs aren't likely to be tamoxifen induced so I'm probably just tired,but to let her know if it continues.She has suggested a top up of CBT and will approach my gp if I prefer.Will have a think.
Cakes - no school gates for me any more (ds hates seeing me in the streets if I happen to be out when he's coming home from school
- I do pick up a friends dcs sometimes and today have been asked to go into ds's old junior school to present the prizes for a craft competition (ha !) but fortunately managed to make my hair look a bit less matted !
Anyway, lots of love to you two

Maybe they think you bathe in asses milk every day! Name change to Cleopatra could be worth considering...

The loads of notes on what to do just lead to worry (as well as global warming, obv), don't you think? Suppose they have to cover themselves. I gave dd my notes to colour on the back of, in the interests of recycling, but had to take them back as she is a bit too good a reader now. She struggled with "chemotherapy" but read me a lot of the rest of it, so had to remove. obviously didn't understand it, but still..

I did ask about other injection sites but they said they weren't allowed (eh?) And now the breast care nurse has phoned and stuck her oar in - said that one chemo cycle on the other arm would be OK, lots of people have it and it will be OK as there is currently no lymphoedema there. I think I will have to cause a ruckus in the department and see who backs down first. Will probably be me though, I am sickeningly compliant with doctors, don't know what causes it, DH says I am like a piranha in RL.

Gulping at the thought of one in the groin. Abandon dignity all those on the oncology ward!

maryAnn - the operation sounds horrible! Fancy having that done at the GPs! laughing a bit (sorry) at the thought of you at the school gate (do Mums of 12 year old boys do the school gate? Prob not) - they'll think a fight has broken out amongst the football MUms.

It does sound unpleasant, hope it settles down quickly and does not hurt too much. Don't forget the anaesthetic, even if local, will have a bit of an effect on you, as will the shock of the injury inflicted - so take it easy.

Love to you both

xx

been almost tropical here for the last few days (which for wales is unheard of!) but certainly getting chilly at night- but i LURVE winter- the excuse to snuggle down on the sofa wrapped in a duvet

sounds like an interesting minor procedure- poor doctor probably put him off ever doing it again lol! Hope you are ok now!

i have had a list of do's and don'ts from the new onc- some very strange ones- like do not bathe with salt or milk in the water wtf and my favourite- beware of any strong magnetic fields on a daily basis counts me out of the home experimentation with large electromagnets in the basement then then they state the blindingly obvious- do not visit hospital wards with known infection risks, and ensure you protect yourself from the elements but wearing layers and waterproof clothing if nescessary to be fair there is 6 pages of stupid ideas- i'd rather they rang me, told me to use my common sense and then sent me a small tree to plant in the garden instead of the small tree's worth of shite i got through the post this morning

Cakes have you asked if they could site it anywhere else? i've had venous lines in groin and ankle before now as my network of blood vessels are shot to s**t! may not be possible but its worth asking rather than risk lymphoedema if at all possible!

at vodka treatments !
Is it very rainy where you are ? it's dismal,ds in a bad mood,bit of roof leaking too. Had a tiny minor op on a bump on my head this morning (my gp did it) which I was a bit nervous about -all ok until it starting bleeding badly which I think unnerved him and shocked me - nice nurse came to mop up and distract me (am very squeamish and given to fainting at the mere description of bleeding). Ok now but I look as though I've been in a cat fight.
Hope you are both feeling ok - sending lots of positive thoughts your way xxx

Yes, you'd need to make sure they didn't smell like a drunk old tramp, wouldn't you. Especially as several of dd's teachers go to the same drinking establishment as us on a Friday night - so they know we are old soaks already........

at the vodka headlice treatment- knowing my luck i'd not wash it out properly and have social services called in by the school

Just realised I didn;t answer your questions reallwoundup.

I have a veinous (spelling? no idea!)line, but they are having a bit of trouble finding any these days. They seem to want to try the other arm mext time but i am not going for that without a fight, I am pretty keen to avoid lymphoedema (Damn it! All these hard spellings!) if possible - was told this could happen if i keep getting scratches etc on that arm, and my dd's rabbits seem determined to ensure I get it, so I can do without the nurses getting in on the act too.

Can't wait for the end of it all.

I hope you are still feeling positive, I know you won't want to be bothering with us for a few days, but I will be rooting for you and hoping you don't feel too rubbish.

On the Hedrin front - I was on another thread the other day - they reckon vodka is the best thing you can use. Official!! Apparently you rub it through liberally (bit of a waste of good booze, admittedly) and leave overnight, then wash out. Reapeat a week later as with *!?*( Hedrin. And I have been working it out - it is going to be cheaper dose for dose than any of the chemicals, and very much easier to wash out. Result!

Mind you it might be embarrassing for dd if i start sucking her hair....

Hi both

I seem to have missed a lot so have just been catching up. Wow, RWU, it does sound like a lot, but you seem really to have made up your mind to go for it, and good for you. It has got to be worth it.

It's great that you are seeing a family friend, and that he advocates the healthy stuff, I think it does make a difference, tho' you can go too far. i have a friend who keeps advocating me to make juices and soups form scratch, and to eat sprouting seeds - i don't have the time for the juices and soups, and sprouting seeds stink, let's be honest.

I guess you are going to feel a bit crappy for a while, and I will be thinking of you. At least you can be home for most of the time and they are not keeping you in, which is the worst.

Keep polishing the appliances, listen to some great music, and pamper yourself when you feel able to. A bit of nurturing and a lot of positive thought is definitely the order of the day now! And at least you get out of the school duties. Hooray! (Today I have got out of a school trip to a rubbish local attraction called "The Beach" (did i mention I live about as far from the sea as is possible in this country??) - I usually get roped in but now I think they are giving me a break. Every cloud has a silver lining!

Keep eating the cardboard! You know it makes sense! (Gulp)

yes, can see what you meant about forums - the BCC one has had interesting discussions on secondaries etc which I've been reading ..
good luck with everything - will think of you lots and send love xxx

i try to stay away i go onto the what now forums but the bcc ones are centred on BC and its treatment iyswim- its not bc i'm fighting with atm its pelvic- and i'm firmly in the ignorant camp as well dh has banned me from google-ing anything!

I'm going to give it a blast (literally) it can't make things any worse can it! At least this way we will have an idea within 8 weeks of whether it is worth carrying on. they will scan me weekly and blood tests at every possible opportunity so we should get a clue pretty quickly!

at your dh braving Morrisons !!
The more I think about it, the more I think you should go for everything - it might be the wine talking (had a few glasses) but I think it is worth a good blast..meant to ask, do you ever look at the Breast Cancer Care Forums ?

well- you know, if its a choice between.......!

Seriously, it will be horrible i'm guessing, but i've got this far- it would seem a bit feeble to give up without a fight!

I shall spend the days polishing my shiny new dishwasher I have been told that under no circumstances am i to leave the house unless absolutely nescesary (due to infection risk) and if i have to go anywhere i MUST be accompanied, oh and i have to inform the DVLA who will more than likely suspend my driving licence [boo hoo] so dh is buying me a ds, and has downloaded some new apps for my ipod touch- i may well go stir crazy for a while!

BUT i get out of doing the road safety awareness course at school (was forcefully made to volunteer to take 28 snotty nosed brats on a walk across some busy roads to teach them to look left, look right, look left again!) and no school runs and the best bit- dh will have to brave morrisons

wow ! that's some purge reallywoundup !! how do you feel about so much at once ? will be thinking of you a lot..my silly things pale in comparison xxx

Glad to hear the tamoxifen isn't seeming too bad MAS- i guess when you have been on it a while it will just become another part of 'life' and you won't even have to think about it is it a 5-year course?

cakes- nearly at the end of chemo for you then (watch out for the return of hedrin ) hope the next blast goes smoothly- have you a port or hickman or do they use a venous line? i have had my port replaced as there was a problem with it and i have now been told it will stay put- they don't tend to take them out

Well Liverpool was an eye-opener- they do everything so differently in a big city, the hosp felt so faceless and clinical but was considerably cleaner and fresher than our little district general! we have discussed with the second consultant, who then rang our local consultant, who then was particularly vague about everything. BUT the upshot is, i am going to go for a mega chemo blast, mega radio blast AND a hormone based drug trial all simultaneously- that way i will feel crap for a wee while BUT they will be able to guage pretty quickly if there is any effect on the cancer. The consultant in l'pool is a family friend and is a great believer in a 'natural' lifestyle, so i am going on a detox diet and vit supplements. Dh has been joking that by the end of it i will glow green and smell like a fruit bat

Who knows- the power of belief and all that , i've got nothing to lose and a whole heap to gain if any of the mumbo jumbo(!) actually works! I am booked in to start being chemically and radio zapped later this week, i am already taking the hormone-y thingy wotsit and i have just had a melon and apricot smoothie [yak] i believe i am having some raw vegetables for my dinner with a highlight of soggy cardboard (some form of grain thing) to liven it up [yak][yak]

OH THE JOYS!!!!!!!

ha ha ! yes,thanks, am ok - not sure if I'm imagining aches or if it's because I'm tired, but am feeling fine - relieved to have started in a way,so that I don't have the question of should I or not hanging over me !
Have a nice glass of wine or two tonight (I shall !) and a lovely w/end. Love to reallywoundup too

Hi MaryAnn

my question was -are you still OK on the tamoxifen? I wouldn't dream of telling you to stay on it. That would be a tad bossy even for me.

Just wanted to know that you are still feeling OK with it.

Hope so - enjoy the sunshine over the weekend xx

yep,still on the tamoxifen !
hope you both have good,relaxing weekends xxx

Hope it was a good meeting in Liverpool reallywoundup. Was thinking of you.

New dishwasher sounds excellent, I always like a nice new electrical appliance (don't read too much into that ), and the clothes sound excellent too! I have some elderly In Laws this end as well, but they not so open handed with the money (in fairness they have not got much).

maryAnn - still Ok on the tamoxifen? Hope so!

Thinkig of you both. Have a happy and restful weekend, you both probably need it. But I am going out for wine tonight. Yippee! Probably not much of it though.........

shopping trip sounds excellent and dishwasher too ! Will be thinking of you this afternoon xxx
Cakes - your poor friend - good that not malignant, but still
Well done to dd being class rep too - she sounds a sweetie

mil feels incredibly guilty that she is unable to do childcare etc as she wouldn't cope (bad hips etc!) so her way of making up for it is buying anything we need

So our shopping trip- we raided Jojo Maman, Next, Debenhams, Mothercare to name a few! Spent a small fortune but have enough clothes to last all the kids until next summer also new shoes for them all some bits for me and then she whisked me into Curry's to buy me a new dishwasher we have one that is only 18months old- but has a mind of its own and very rarely works without persuasion, but i have been coaxing it along in order not to pay the £105 to get the engineer to come out and go " ooooooohhh, big job this love..." so we now have a space where the old one was and apparently the new one will be here by 1pm!

We are leaving now- sil is waiting for said dishwasher and will be getting the boys from school for us- should be back early evening so will update then

ooh shopping - excellent - always works for me! Hope you got some nice schmutter!And a MIL with an open policy on credit cards - nice!

Hope the meeting with the oncologist goes/went well, and that you are feeling upbeat, it will stand you in good stead.

As regards chemo - yesterday I had number 5 (of 6). And at the moment I feel fine! Possibly the best yet, although I may collapse later. They are having increasing trouble finding veins as they can only use one arm owing to risk of lymphodema in the other, but they are muttering darkly about trying it anyway next time - but I am not keen so may ask a nurse friend to stick it in a plaster cast for safety . Prob not though, I am too compliant in medical situations, (but not in RL).

Worst thing for me with chemo - and I know this is not very bad at all - is my body seems to retain water like crazy for the first few hours, but i get a raging thirst - and then the bladder kicks off at around 2 in the morning! From then on it is a constant march to and from the bathroom for the rest of the night. DD wakes up every time:

DD: Hi Mum, need the loo again?
ME: 'Fraid so. DO you?
DD: No
ME: Then go to sleep!!!!
DD: OK. Love you!

She is very sweet. And got voted in as class rep yesterday - not sure which of us is prouder!

But, leaving the hosp yesterday we met a couple we know pretty well. She had just come out of an appointment having been diagnosed with a brain tumour. Eeeek! Not malignant - thank God, thank God, thank God - but the size of a tangerine, and surgery sounds like it will cause some lasting problems including weakness on one side and difficlulties speaking. What a straightener.

retail therapy - excellent !!
Am glad you are feeling upbeat and really hope tomorrow's meeting goes well - will be thinking of you.

i'm off shopping! nothing better than retail therapy with mil and her credit card (i think its her way of coping iyswim!) we are going to get all the kids winter bits and bobs and stuff to do up the boys bedrooms an some nice comfy 'loungewear' for me

Tomorrow i have to travel halfway across the country (well to liverpool!) to see the next oncologist- he wants to assess everything and give his professional opinion as a friend of the family. So until then i shall concentrate on spending, spending, spending

PS i'm feeling a lot more upbeat what will be will be..... etc

Hope the tamoxifen is going ok mas- just take it easy as it may hit you suddenly and make you feel tired- of course we hope not and you are bouncing around like tigger

Cakes- where are you with your chemo atm?

Glad to hear things going well so far - long may it continue.

xx

arf ! I did think that you'd gone upmarket after your fancy weekend away, but the post didn't sound like you !
Will report back on the tamox. - so far so good.xxx

MaryAnn

Let us know how you get on with the tamoxifen when you have had a few days of it: hope it will be OK, will think of you.

Incidentally - there seems to be a more upmarket version of myself on reallywoundup's other thread, (which I have now accessed and responded to, albeit in a completely inept way)

Cakesandfine wine??? Clearly my smarter and more couth sister! Bet she is also better dressed and thinner! (And I speak as someone who has just spurted tomato seeds all over herself....)

Reallywoundup

Only just got on here and have yet to view your other thread, which I will do in a minute.

But just wanted to say, much love and many positive vibes to you, you are being so generous to us here. Come back often and vent, or have a laugh.

Thinking of you and yours

xxx

!

ah good, in that case "bollocks"

xx night all

we're here for you anytime you want to vent reallywoundup , or just cry,swear or say anything...am off to bed now but send you love xxx

thanks- i will still pop on here from time to time and i really do want to still help you guys in any way i can! I don't want to bring my 'stuff' onto here as you ladies need the cheerful side of life!

I'm in that weird limbo atm- tears have just appeared and i think i need some time to reflect more than accept- therefore i'll be around trying to ignore things for a while- tbh at the moment what i need is to forget it and carry on for a while and hopefully things will spring into some sort of shape .

I may start a blog in the next few days- somewhere to vent without bringing down the tone here- i'd rather be able to pop back and see the funny side on this thread!

I hope i haven't upset you lot- it means so much to know that other people are having to deal with the crap that life throws and in your cases with dignity and a touch of humour! Much love and speak soon x

have tried to respond on your other thread - thinking of you lots xxx

many thanks mas, head in a spin atm- see other thread for details, as i don't want to bring it onto here!

reallywoundup - was just thinking of you this morning...sending a huge hug xxxxx

hi ladies, hope all is well with you.

I have seen my onc today to discuss results and a forward treatment plan. Wasn't the news we had hoped for and me and dh are going to have a think before i agree to any further treatment or major ops.

On the up side- my lot are back at school [yey] and loving it - doubt the enthusiasm will last, but i can dream

hope you had a lovely weekend - first tamoxifen taken this morning

think I know which weekend I'd prefer ! have a lovely time

Ooh thanks, MaryAnn, will take a look.

Hope everyone has a good weekend - I am taking my dd to the Cotswolds for a long weekend, so am hoping for decent weather. Dh is going on his annual lads walking weekend in Wales so I decided that she and i should have some fun as well. We have found a very nice place to stay and they have done me a special deal on a luxury suite as it was all they had left available. Hooray! She will definitely not let me take my preferred option of lazing about with a good book and a face pack all day, but it will be fun anyway!

Dh now very jealous - apparently their accommodation is "bunk house style" whatever that means, but it doesn't sound luxurious, does it? I suspect it involves them all sleeping in a kind of dormitory in sleeping bags, never a very nice idea when you have about 15 blokes who have all drunk a lot of beer.

They take it in turns to arrange the thing - this was not Dh's turn. He would have preferred more luxury, more beer, and less walking......

Whatever you are doing - enjoy it! Kids back at school on Monday. Yippee!

And I'm going to be looking out for the BIZNIZ.

God she does sound brave, I was a total wuss (it was 10 years ago, not much has changed, still am).

The pins are not nice things at all, really bloody hurt. I was advised to get mine out by the physios who said they could start to come out through the knee (gulp) - i think they meant over a long time, for younger people who were quite active, not for older people who manage better because they are less active, but still......

Sorry to confuse you ref timmescales! I think if I broke it now it might prove to be the straw that broke the camel's back!

I read it as if you'd broken your femur just now !! !
MIL is very stoical and hasn't made a fuss at all. It is pinned..she broke the other one a few years ago !
BIZ NIZ is tea tree and lavender and a conditioner which I just rub through his hair as a preventative- he says it smells,but it doesn't smell nasty,just lavendery,which is probably not what boys want to smell of ! It is used to comb through too.
It's very sweet of you to think of MIL and send good thoughts - she deserves to be well as she is very brave.

Hiya

At risk of sounding like I have had EVERYTHING (am usually quite healthy, actually) - have broken my femur and it is very, very painful. Poor her. Has she had a nail put in it? major op, that one - had mine taken out two years later, though. Now thankfully metal-free. I feel for her, especially if she is old and frail, as the exercise afterwards is crucial and she may find this very difficult. Hope she is OK.

What is BIZ NIZ? How does it work? I am willing to try anything. The one-hour only hedrin is awful - I have just completed stage 2 of the treatment, which I am sure will have been effective, but it has taken THREE washes and nearly half a bottle of shampoo to get the stuff out of poor dd's hair, and I was quite vigorous with the washing. I think I prefer the stuff that requires a nit combing, with hindsight. Really, she has been lice-free for nearly 12 months but she persuaded me to let her go to school with her hair down for a few days and bang! here we are again. (Really, I am a pushover for anything that cuts down on effort for me, but the time taken to Hedrin her has far outweighed the time I saved on hair tying. My own fault, clearly).

I really hope your MIL is going to be OK, now you have told us about her I can't get it out of my thoughts. It really was one of the most painful things I can ever remember. I will be sending some positive thoughts. Poor, frail little thing. Puts my moaning into perspective.

xx

hi you two - am just back from three days away visiting MIL who is in a nursing home (broken femur - is elderly and frail)
I sew labels on very badly (I cringe at the memory of ds's Beaver uniform a