Lack of sex drive-is there a nice easy fix?

[Maya8]

My sex drive which was pretty high all but disappeared in pregnancy and 17 months later has not really returned. Its not like I can't enjoy sex its just I never really initiate it or feel I need it like I used to. Is there anything a dr could do? Could it be hormonal or is it pyschological? I don't really want to go the drs at the one I could talk to has left and the rest are pretty much 40 secs chat, write a prescription and off you go.

I didn't know whether to put this in relationships as its now causing some tension with my dh. I have been mildly depressed since the birth, mainly lonliness despite trying my best to meet othere mothers. (I have met a few but its not like I feel close to them). But lack of sex drive is also depressing me as it feels I missing a chunk of my old self.

[marthamoo]

There have been posts about this in the past, Maya8 - you're definitely not alone in feeling like this. One of the suggestions made was a herbal remedy called Damiana (you can get it in Holland and Barrett). Tbh, I tried it and I didn't feel much different (no pouncing on my dh at every opportunity, much to his disappointment but may be worth a try?

Depression, even mild depression, will play havoc with your libido - so maybe a chat with your GP, even though you are not keen? Or have you considered St.John's Wort - it's pretty effective for mild depression? I think when you feel better about yourself, your libido may well return. Keep plugging away at meeting other Mums (MN meet up?) it is hard I know but hopefully you will find someone you click with soon.

[Tessiebear]

I have found that the more sex you FORCE yourself to have the more you want/ get back into the old routine. It is still early days with your baby - i found mine didnt return until my youngest was about 3. I would give it time (my main prob was that i didnt physically feel or think i looked sexy - especially until i stopped breastfeeding, it somehow didnt feel "right" for me to be feeding my toddler and then my breasts being part of a sexual experience - if that makes sense!)

[nottellingmyname]

you go to the drs with libido problem and 10 to 1 they'll say you're either tired, depressed or have some other psychological problem. This is NOT always the case - I've had a libido problem for years - I love my dh but never feel like initiating sex although I enjoy it when we do! I'm convinced its chemical and not in my head cos not only do I not feel like sex I can't be arsed masturbating either neither do I have fantasies about other men, famous or otherwise. From what I've read you're luckier in America where they'll test your free testosterone levels and you can get help in the way of pills.

[Maya8]

Thanks everyone for the responses. I am have started to take st johns wort recently and do feel a little less down.

I had read about the more you do it the more you want to theory but sometimes I really can't be bothered!

I know what you mean about the fantasy thing nottellingmyname. My friend had hormone replacement patches with her pnd but I presume that would be more oestrogen than testosterone.

I'll have a go with the damiana and do a search for old threads.

[JuniperDewdrop]

Sorry not read all the thread but have you tried taking zinc vits?

[dawnie1]

Maya8 - I have exactly the same problem ! My dd has just turned 1. I have absolutley no interest at all and yes it is causing friction with dp. If anyone has had success trying tablets, potions, anything I too would be extremely grateful for a miracle cure.

[Maya8]

I take a multi vitamin with the rda of zinc but not anything extra.

[nottellingmyname]

Maya8 - don't bother - I've tried zinc and Tribulus Terrestis (something like that anyway) all useless!!!

[kiwicath]

Hi Maya8. Sorry I don't have any answers for you but just wanted to let you know you're defo not alone. I'm having the same problem even though I'm happy, getting loads of sleep and very much in love with hubby. I was never a wanton sex goddess in the beginning but liked a good bit of rumpty pumpty. My son is now 10 months so hoping I'll be "back in the saddle" again soon. Hugs.

[80sMum]

Considering how many people experience this 'problem' has anyone thought that it might actually be a normal and natural thing to happen? Are we fighting against nature here?

[vanessa13]

hi maya8

i had the same problem over a year ago.
and it caused alot of tension between me and my partner, due to him thinking it was him.
i am also depressed and am on anti depresants.
i went to my doctor and he asked if i was serprised? he said having a child is very tiering at the best of times without feeling low as well and told me to work on getting better first.
that was easy for him to say, as when i got home i still had to make excuses to my partner.
after some time i sat down and told my partner how i truly felt, and beleave me it was a god send.
my partner started to take me out more for meals, help around the house, and best of all made me feel more wanted and more loved.
i havent looked back since we have spiced are sex life up and look forward to spending more time with him i wish you all the best dont give up. i honestly thought i would never feel sexy again but it does come back good luck darling

[Maya8]

Thanks for all the advice and sympathy! I have bought some damiana leaves! My partner is pretty good at being nice to me but it would be nice to have more time to ourselves. I shall start the on the more you do it the more you want it regime! We did watch an adult film on sky a while back, it worked in that it made us laugh so much. It was so tame, they actually cut away in the sex scenes!

Maybe its just natures way of not having children too close to each other!