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General health

Lack of libido

16 replies

Whatashame · 07/02/2007 10:05

I have changed my name because I find this is a very difficult subject to talk about. Here we go.
Since I had ds1, my libido has been very low. A lot of different reasons (tired, painfull episiotomy, pg again...) but ds2 is nearly 2yo and I still don't feel like having sex.
I had PND with ds1 but I am not depressed anymore and haven't been for some time...
I don't feel like errr... giving myself some pleasure whereas before if I didn't make love on a regular basis, I would have had erotic dreams/want to touch myself.

I don't really know where to go from now.

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multitasker · 07/02/2007 10:19

Is it a case of being too tired, or are you subconsciously afraid of another pregnancy, or have your feelings towards dp changed?
I wouldn't be a nympho but if it didn't happen atleast once a week I'd feel as though I was saying something to my dh.

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foxinsocks · 07/02/2007 10:20

have you spoken to dh about it?

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Scootergirl · 07/02/2007 10:21

I went through exactly the same when DD was small and was pg with DS.
I just felt like that side of me had kind of shut down and I had no interest in it whatsoever.
No advice, I'm afriad, apart from it came back about six weeks after DS was born so there is hope!

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Whatashame · 07/02/2007 10:38

I have been tired because ds2 is still getting up during the night on a regular basis but I don't think this is the problem.
I also have problem with endometriosis which makes a lot of the positions painfull when we are having sex. But I know which ones works and which ones don't.

foxinsocks, I am finding very difficult to talk about that with DH (upbringing issues). Even when I first had endo, I didn't say anything to him or the gynecologist whereas this is a very common symptom for it and it was really painfull. .
However, I haven't reached this stage this time.

multitasker, I am totally aware that DH is more than patient with me. Once a moth is not a lot . I just feel like hidding having said that. It sounds so awfull (for him).
But I still love him, nothing has changed on that side.

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multitasker · 07/02/2007 10:42

Don't be too hard on yourself - it will get easier, when you get a bit more sleep you will feel miles better, and then you may remember how great it was!!

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foxinsocks · 07/02/2007 10:43

do you think this may be one of the factors in the way you feel - maybe, if you could open up to dh, you could relax a bit more and start getting back into it?

Have you tried to get yourself turned on...so either reading a saucy book or just err getting on with it and seeing what happens?

you know what, I don't think once a month is THAT unusual.

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Whatashame · 07/02/2007 10:52

Thank you both. You made me smile.

I might try to saucy book actually. It could be a good way way to turn me on...
I suppose that I - and probably DH- would be happy with a once a month sex. But it would be great if I could really feel up to it!

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gemmiegoatlegs · 07/02/2007 10:53

i feel exactly the same. the sex went off the track when i was pg with dc 1, started getting going again when he was about 18m, then fell off again when i fell pg with dd. She is now 18 m and (i know it sounds awful) but i force myself to do it for dh's sake. I am totally happy in my relationship apart from this.

My one suggestions that have helped a bit is
take some time away from everything together, without your l.o and all the responsibilities of home/work etc. We recently had a weekend away in a nice hotel and away from all the drudgery of home life and who hasn't put the washing on/emptied the potty/bought the milk...i felt a lot more relaxed and more like my old self.

Also, i've found that i quite enjoy the sex once we get started. i just seem to have this psychological block getting going in the first place.

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Whatashame · 07/02/2007 12:38

Gemmie, I know what you mean when you say that you force yourself... It's hard isn't it?

I quite like the idea of going away and I actually think that we need some time on our own anyway (and have a lie in... That would be like paradise!). I will see with DH about organising the week end away that my PIL have proposed us. I had forgotten about it!

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gemmiegoatlegs · 07/02/2007 12:45

i'm sure it will do you the world of good - there's nothing like getting out of your routine.

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popmum · 07/02/2007 13:04

are you on the pill? there has been other threads about this reducing libido. I've just come off it for this reason (plsu some others!)

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cori · 07/02/2007 13:08

are you sure you are not still depressed. I have been taking ADs for a few months for PND and I am stunned at the effect on my libido, it hasnt been like this for years.

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Whatashame · 07/02/2007 13:40

I am of the pill because of its side effects since dc1 (I am getting depressed on it).
So our contraception atm is preservative and abstinence (which we are quite good at...)

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pianist · 07/02/2007 13:48

Popmum - I read that thread with interest and would really like to know if you think it makes a difference.

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popmum · 07/02/2007 14:07

still bit too early for me to say and I am still sorting out alternative contracption (getting a cap - need to go back to docs to get it fitted (not exactly a day to look forward to!)), but i do feel much better already - no massive mood swings so far and feel happier generally.

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foxinsocks · 07/02/2007 15:56

oh yes, it definitely made a difference for me (not taking hormonal contraception).

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