Chronic pain, worried about baby and now depression?

[Outofstrategies]

Not sure where to begin and to be honest just need to vent.

Well me first for once...

I don't seem to be able to cope any longer. I've got a lot of muscular sceletal issues which have been made worse by my last pregnancy. I had SPD from week 9. I have tendinitis in my shoulders, it was one of the reasons I had to stop breastfeeding my son. ( now 6 months). I had a painkilling injection for it a couple of months ago but it has already worn off. I had a knee reconstruction about 15 years ago and am now in chronic pain with that leg. The GP has given me painkillers and I'm waiting to see a specialist. The SPD has not fully healed yet. I have a cervical rib and trapped nerves in my neck and arms.

I am at home all day with 2 DCs aged 6 months and 2. It hurts to lift either of them and I struggle to walk with the pushchair someways.

I had a mirena coil fitted last week. It was at the local family planning clinic not my GP and the doctor was so rough with the speculum I hyperventilated. It was so painful that I didn't feel the coil being fitted. I felt brutalised to be honest and came home in tears. I am trying to get the energy to make a complaint but haven't yet.

I have a history of depression but have been doing great since my first DC was born. I am worried it has returned now or is it just the coil? I am supposed to be taking DCs to playgroup this morning but keep crying so am here on mumsnet and they are in front of CBeebies.

I am also really worried about the baby. He is teething at the moment so very needy. He is also a reflux baby and has been on prescribed formula for several months as breast feeding just didn't work out ( BF DC for 10 months) so feel guilty about that. The a few weeks ago he was referred to hospital as he was turning blue. That was resolved but they picked up on his unusual headshape and that he has a raised fontanelle. We were at the hospital for 10 hours while they did test after test and then back for 3 days of the next 5. They ruled out meningitis or anything 'acute' but then have left us in a sort or limbo - they haven't said what they think it is... But they haven't discharged us and said they will think about it and get back to me? It has been suggested by other people that it looks to them like it could be cranio syntosis. 3 weeks on and I'm still waiting. We've got an an outpatient appointment in a couple of weeks but we've been left with ' just monitor him and bring him to aAnd e if he is "irritable" he's teething FFS.

It brings back issues we had with DC1 as a baby who was rushed to a London specialist hospital with a suspected brain tumour. This turned out to be a false alarm ( after 5 days we were discharged with ' maybe it was a virus') but that experience has added to my anxiety over DC2s issues

DC1 has been referred for Speech problems which in turn has thrown up my own hearing problems ( which never normally worry me) but now I am worried that I gave not been giving her the help she needs

So sorry for the catalogue of gripes and thank you for reading if you got this far. I'm feeling slightly better just for writing it down. ( already tried the CBT thing but it just looked like a list of shit)

[MintyBojingles]

Sorry you're having such a rough time of it :(

I've had a few pain conditions that have come and gone over the years, and I fully understand how exhausting they can be. Also had major depression in the past, which was so hard to work through but I got there in the end!

It does sound to me like you could do with someone to talk to, not necessarily CBT, but just a counsellor or therapist who is understanding and cares. Are you able to phone your HV or GP and ask for a referral? I know where I live they have some excellent post natal support - some of it just groups of other women who you can talk to. Do you manage to get to any mother & baby groups? They've kept me sane with little one!

Are you happy with the coil now it's in? I'd deff complain about the Dr as it sounds like he was too rough, did you have a chaperone present?

[TryingtobePrepared]

Sounds rough for you right now I'm sorry Have experience with a reflux baby they are notoriously hard to breastfeed, so don't beat yourself up about that, you sound like you're doing your best but remember the best for number 1 isn't the same as the best for number 2. They are different babies, you are in a different situation and number 1 has to get a look in. I breastfeed dd1 with reflux for far too long out of guilt dd2 got barely 10 days and it was a good decision for her, me and the rest of the family. Trust yourself, you will do what's best. Also is there anyone around who can look after both for a bit so you can get some head space to think, my lightbulb moment was looking for a space in tesco car park first time I'd been without either in days. Although if not cbeebies helps many mum's sanity.

Hope things feel better soon 💐

[Outofstrategies]

Thank you. I'm feeling a bit better today. My toddler is being looked after for me and the baby is asleep so I'm taking a bit of time out. Sleep deprivation isn't helping ( the baby had me up 5 times last night) but I'll try and catch up today. (dh does his turn at the weekend too).

Trying - thanks for reminding me about the BF thing - bottle is really better for us this time around and rationally I know I am lucky that I have a good GP who has been very quick at sorting the reflux, and he is a contented baby who is now gaining weight well.

Minty- yes I will get on with the complaint to the Family planning clinic. The nur was there and I think she was concerned with what happened. I will also try and get my follow ups with my GP rather than go back, that will make me feel more positive about it.

Thanks for your support with this. It really helps.