Being stupid about cold sores

[MrsBenadrylCrumplesnork]

Hello you lot, please talk me out of this because I'm being a daft cow.

I have to admit this is was triggered by a thread in Relationships about herpes, and some of the PPs there were talking about how they don't feel ashamed of having herpes because people who have cold sores don't, so why should they if they have the same thing in a different place! I agree with this mentality entirely, and I do think there is a huge stigma around herpes that isn't necessarily warranted.

BUT- I get cold sores and have done my whole life, someone gave them to me as a baby, and I am so so so so ashamed of them, I feel guilty for having them. It was worse when I was younger, especially around 14/15 when my peers realised what it actually was (a strain of herpes) and my hormones meant I'd get four or five at a time so I'd be in a lot of pain and my mouth completely disfigured Even now if I could 'swap' to genital herpes I would, so that I can keep it to myself and don't have to wear an STI on my face whenever I get tired or cold or stressed, or whatever happens to start it off this time. I have quite petite features so even if I only have one it seems to overwhelm my face, I am constantly paranoid people will see them, because if they seem they would write me off completely as someone to consider as a sexual partner or for a relationship.

It doesn't help that while I have read the statistics that almost everyone is infected, I never see anyone else apart from me and my sister (who got them as a baby like me, presumably from the same person) having them. No celebrities ever seem to get them, the people I see around me at work or university, all through school... nothing. I distinctly remember the two times I have ever seen other people with cold sores in my whole life, and even then they were just strangers in the street that happened to pass me.

So please, talk some sense into me! Even though I know otherwise, I honestly struggle to believe other people get cold sores and that they're not some weird disgusting thing only I have, so if you get them I'd really appreciate you telling me, and how you treat them. At the moment I use the compeed patches which makes it less stressful having them because I never have to touch it throughout, but they are expensive and obviously can't prevent them. If you don't get cold sores, I would be very grateful if you could say exactly what you think of them and someone who has them. I seem to be convinced that they must be repulsive and disgusting to someone who hasn't had them.

I'm very sorry for such a long post about something so trivial and self absorbed!

[GotToBeInItToWinIt]

I get them. I hate them and I wish I didn't, but I'm not ashamed of them. I was embarrassed by them as a teenager as they looked ugly (and teenagers generally don't like looking ugly!) but now I couldn't care less what people think of them. I see lots of other people around with them too! They're probably much less noticeable on you than you think they are.

[addictedtosugar]

I used to got loads.
I havn't had nearly as many since I moved out of home. Not sure what i do differently, except spend more time outside (rather than studdying inside, and getting to school on the bus), loosing more chapsticks, so replacing them more frequently, and not over cooking the veg as much - tho as a uni student, I can't believe I ate that much veg?

I can't say I'm bothered by them on other people. More symphathy from me.

What happens if you make sure your imune system is as fit as it can be - ie ensuring sufficient trace minerals and vitamins in your diet? It can't harm anything.

[janinlondon]

With the advent of relatively cheap otc medication to stop a cold sore before it even appears (acyclovir is now generically available as zovirax is off patent) there actually are very few people exhibiting outward signs now. You are not imagining it. Its just medical progress.

[janinlondon]

Compeed patches dont have acyclovir. They are really useful as healing agents......but they wont stop the sore from appearing. You need acyclovir at the earliest stage to stop the sore from developing in the first place.

[GotToBeInItToWinIt]

janin that only works for me if I catch it at the very first tingle. If I'm asleep or driving for example I miss the boat! Probably have about an hour window.

[Waitingfordolly]

I get them too, I don't like them, but I don't feel ashamed, it's just one of those things. I think I got them from my mum when I was young, so I try really hard not to give them to my DD and haven't done so far. Acyclovir works well for me - if I don't catch them right at the beginning it still makes them smaller. And I also see lots of people with them too, you're not alone. On the plus side I think I remember reading that you're unlikely to get genital herpes if you have cold sores!

[SonnyJimBob]

Well with a cold sore it's pretty much pot luck if you catch one or not during your lifetime. You can't control who kisses you as an infant/child, and what if it's a close family member, do you simply avoid kissing them forever?!

There are quite a few celebrities who suffer with cold sores - Alexander Chung, Paris Hilton, Katie Holmes...to name but a few. They are unsightly, but there are a whole range of conditions that people suffer from which would fit into the same category. I would say pretty much everyone has one thing about their body which embarrasses or torments them, it may not be visible to others but it's there.

[tabulahrasa]

I get them, they come up only on my lip so instead of it being obviously a coldsore...I just have a big scabby lip.

[CalamityPain]

I get them all the time. My lips go all Angelina Jolie. Had them since I was a baby too. As soon as I feel a tingle I whack some cream on them, and that usually helps to keep them at bay. I'm more prone when I'm run down too, so try to avoid that (not always easy).

[itsbetterthanabox]

I don't find any coldsore creams help mine at all.
I know loads of people that get them. Me, my mum does badly poor thing, about 4 friends, colleagues.
They are normal honestly. Not nice but normal. There are preventatives you can look into.

[ZebraCrossing007]

I get cold sores. I go through times where I get the repeatedly for months and then nothing for a year. I know loads of people who get them. It's no big deal, just an inconvenience for a week. I find it's better if you leave them alone rather than put the patches on. They just need to dry out.
Btw the cold sore virus on your mouth is not an STI.

[LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett]

Loads of people get them. I get them, but it's very rare now. Things that have helped:

Less snogging if DH has a scratchy, just shaved stubble thing going on.

I use acyclovir as a general lip balm and always have around three tubes in the house, but rarely use lip balm, lipstick or anything that touches my lips.

I'm healthy! Eat well and keep well - it is an immune system thing.

But I'm still guaranteed to get one: on holiday (too much UV triggers them) and after I've been ill as my immune system is down.

And actually I find a dilute application of tea tree is better at getting rid once they've appeared.

They are completely normal though. Completely and utterly normal.

[GotToBeInItToWinIt]

It's definitely an immune system thing for me, I'm guaranteed to get one if I'm especially tired (I'm always tired with a non sleeping 16 month old and at 23 weeks pregnant!), generally run down or if I haven't been eating properly.

[missmakesstuff]

I wouldn't and don't judge anyone with a coldsore, you probably aren't spotting those with them as they hide them, or just have the one, or you just don't notice. I've had them all my life, as does my mum and Dh. So far it looks like dd has escaped them, but that is just luck. The one thing that I have found foolproof at stopping them in their tracks, and I really tell everyone I meet about it, it's that good, is a supplement called lysine, you can get it in tablet for from health food shops, there is also a cream you can get too, both re amazing if used quickly and as soon as you feel them develop, but the cream I've used as a treatment when I have one and it's always healed very quickly. I am very aware of mine and also don't leave them alone, but the lysine helps and Just braving it out, people really don't notice them as much as you think.

[ClaraDeLaNoche]

Have you tried the uv light thingies? Really worked for me.

[Cooroo]

Never had a cold sore but DD has a massive outbreak - lips, gums, fever, swollen glands. Doctor misdiagnosed (sores not very obvious then) but got worse and saw dentist as DD thought she had gum infection. Dentist took one look and prescribed acyclovir. So now she's on antibiotics and antiviral. She is, in dentist's words, 'proper poorly'. Is this common? I naively thought a cold sore was like a nasty spot, didn't realise it could make you so ill. Bloody A2s coming up as well so stress not helping.

And what do we call it? I don't want to ring school and say she's got herpes! Silly, I know.

[StrumpersPlunkett]

I get them. I hate them but I don't feel embarrassed by them.
The ones I get are big. They usually start on my lip and go up into my nose. I also get them on my collar bone if I am really stressed. Dr thought it was shingles to start with it is usually about 2-3 inches in diameter hideous and v v sore.
I have tablets from the Dr to take for my neck ones.

[MaudeLebowski]

DH feels this way too. He apologises to me profusely when he has one, and says he feels 'used' 'dirty' 'spoiled' and 'marked'

Luckily, I seem to be immune to DH's strain of the infection. We have been together for over thirty years, through many a cold sore, and I've never caught them from him.

You'd have thought after all this time, and my resilience, that he'd get over it. But he doesn't - he is always ashamed with a cold sore. Very interested to hear any advice relating to this and how to deal with the feelings of shame.

[caitlinohara]

I get them really badly and have done since childhood. I currently have one on the side of my nose but I have had them near and in my eyes, and pretty much anywhere on the right hand side of my face. I have aciclovir tablets on repeat prescription from the doctor which if I take all the time will prevent an outbreak but I don't like the side effects so I just use them to speed up recovery. I have started using Fenistil cream from the chemist now which is something called penciclovir rather than aciclovir, and I have to say it does work faster - in particular it takes the swelling down and shortens the blistering bit.

My Mum gets the odd one but I don't know anyone who gets them as bad as me. I agree with others that they tend to appear when I'm run down, but I am very healthy and sometimes I can't work out what's triggered them. The thing I hate is having to explain what they are - because I get them all over my face, no one recognises them as cold sores!

I do feel for you OP and others.

[clogher]

Try the UV light thingy - got it last summer when my "change of weather" cold sore outbreak was driving me mad, it healed much faster. Next tingle in my nose which I zapped as soon as it tingled and it didn't come up at all. None since which is incredible for me. Really really! Was v dubious at buying it but talked myself into it on basis that it was the same price as the 8 packs of compeed I had used so far that year

[nooyearnooname]

I get them too....my worst bout was aged about 12 when I had 9 all round my nose and mouth. I have a small one mow on my top lip. They seem to be less frequent as I get older, but Zovirax and all those other creams don't work for me. I swear by Lysine which you can get in health shops. It doesn't stop them completely but if you start taking the tablets as soon as you feel one coming it helps...it still comes but mine are far less big and blistery and itchy and they go quicker. You can also take a low dosage daily as a preventative measure. Avoiding foods high in arginine (particularly peanuts and chocolate IIRC) is also a good idea.

I also feel very embarrassed and sort of unhygienic when I get one, much more than say if I had a spot, or a rash. I don't know why, it's horrid isn't it.

[bookwormbeagle]

Is it possible to grow out of them? I used to get cold sores on my mouth in my teens and early twenties but haven't had one now for 10-15 years.

My lifestyle is probably a lot healthier than before but it was mainly when I was feeling rundown that one would appear.

[goandshowdaddy]

Coorro, when I had my first outbreak (caught the virus from my DH when I was first going out with him) I suffered in the same way as your DD. It was horrendous, I was so poorly with awful mouth ulcers, fever, generally run down but only one coldsore - I didn't realise what it was at first but now know that it was the inital infection of the coldsore virus. I felt dreadful. I've not had the same reaction again, but do get coldsores every so often - usually when run down. They're nowhere near as bad as that first one, thank god. My poor DS has had gingivostomatitis which is a horrible mouth infection which is caused by the herpes simplex virus and is probably a sign that he too will get cold sores . I feel awful about that but blame my DH as he gave them to me too! DS hasn't (touch wood) yet had a cold sore.

[Sgtmajormummy]

Nuxe "Reve de Miel" lip balm seems to speed up the healing process for me without using anything medicinal. I can usually trace the cause back to stress or not sleeping enough. But sumbathing triggers it too! Grrrr.

[FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse]

I'm so sorry they make you feel so sad. Don't! We all have our own little things that we think everyone else must focus in on. Whether it's spots, a mole, hair in wanted places or not enough in wanted places. This isn't your fault. It's just an irritating recurring thing.

As someone with no cold sores I used to feel nothing but sympathy when my boss got an outbreak. I certainly didn't see her as unclean or anything like that.

It's horrible that you have them, but you're not horrible because you have them