Help needed please - panic attacks when leaving 9month old dd

[TearingMyHairOut]

Hi I am looking for some advice for a friend of mine who has recently returned to work from maternity. Everytime she leaves her daughter (with dh or parents) she is convinced something bad is going to happen and has panic attacks. This happens if the work phone is in use as she fears somethings will happen and they can't contact her, and if she sees an ambulance she's convinced it's dd. DD has slept in own room for months but mum now crying when putting to bed and leaving alone at night. She has seen her Gp and he has tested fro depression and pnd but says it's not that - it's more anxiety. However he still offered her anti-depressents and she has been put on a waiting list for counselling (six month waiting list!). She doesn't want to take medication, and wondered if there are any herbal type recommendations? I would also really appreciate advice from anyone who could offer suggestions as to how she can deal with this and help herself or how others can help her.

[lulumama]

needs to explore why so anxious...did she have a bad birth experience. ... did something awful happen when baby very tiny...is it partly guilt at going back to work...

so many things could be at the root - canshe afford to pay for counselling privately - can;t wait 6 months if she feels like this now?

St Johns wort can be used for depression (with care - can interfere with other prescribed drugs..) but sounds like an anxiety based thing

some AD's more suited for anxiety than others

if she wants to help herself - take meds the docs prescribe - they might take a few weeks to work, but at least she will feel she is doing something

some relaxation for herself

to help her -= just be there and listen - to whatever she says,however irrational her fears - support her and care for her..sounds like you do that already ...

encourage her to seek help and perservere ..reassure her she is a good mum...

[tribpot]

Can the health visitor help her access any counselling sooner than the waiting list? My hv has put me in touch with the counselling service in Leeds and I was seen almost immediately.

[MeAndMyBoy]

Oh goodness what a horrible situation for her to find herself in - I had panic attacks for years and it's bl**dy awful. GP wanted to put me on beta blockers - at 22!!!!

There are practical ways of dealing with the panic attacks to help control them - breathing into a paper bag does help as it increases the amount of Co2 in your blood and this regulates your breathing - having a snack to eat after attack finishes as the adrenaline also releases stomach acid which can make you feel really sick, and you feel crap and exhausted from the adrenaline rush as well.

The other thing is to work out coping stratagies - if the phone being in use is a trigger - get a mobile that will never be in use - they can always get hold of her then. It will help her get more comfortable with DD being away and stop it being a habit attack rather than a genuine panic - this is how mine has ended up it's habit - put me in a certain situation and panic attack sets in.
Another thing that helped me was always having someone to phone (always happened in the car) when I started to feel panicky to take my mind off it and help me calm down again - might be useful to confide in a friend at work she can mail or chat when she needs distracting and calming down?

Omega 3 is also good for helping to level hormone fluctuations - if she has had to stop B/f for example her hormones might be playing up and making her feel more tearful too. I know how horrible it was for me leaving 12mth old DS for someone else to look after and I still feel horrible that someone else gets to enjoy spending time with him and he's in pre-school now.

Hope this helps? and hope she feels less anxious soon.

H x

[morningpaper]

She needs a counsellor or a therapist. Lots of places offer counselling. Can she afford private counselling? Local branches of the mental health charity MIND often offer this - check with her local branch.

[morningpaper]

Sorry - local branches often offer CHEAP or FREE therapy, I should say. Or in London there are several places that offer free/cheap therapy too.