CFS and a newborn

[Fluffybastardcloudkittens]

DH has CFS which he manages well - only one or two periods off work a year. I know that we are extremely lucky that the impact on our lives is minimal.
He has also had various digestion issues in the past which have improved with no certain diagnosis however a specialist that he saw when in pretty good health suggested ibs caused by stress.
Our first baby is due in about a month and his grandmother was unwell for a few weeks before passing away a couple of weeks ago. Just before she passed my Dh was hospitalised with severe abdominal pain. It was a horrific 24 hours with various pain killers making no difference while he waited for an ultrasound.
The pain subsided an awful lot and dh was discharged following inconclusive results from the scan. He has been referred to a gastro specialist but hasn't heard through from them yet.
This was nearly 3 weeks ago now and whilst the severe pain hasn't returned, dh is still in discomfort most if the time, is fatigued and can't return to work. He's been at the gp on Monday and plans to make another appointment to discuss results from some blood tests.
I know how frustrating he finds it when he's unwell and I don't want to add to the pile but I'm starting to worry myself about how we'll cope when I have this baby.
I try to hide that I'm worried from him but perhaps this makes his worry worse.
I don't really know what I want from this thread. I appreciate that since I'm not the one who's ill that I'm being incredibly selfish self pitying (even privately). Perhaps I just need a good shake

[chocaholic73]

No you don't need a good shake ... you are understandably worried and feeling vulnerable and trying not to share your worries with your DH. Abdominal problems can be part of CFS and, if so, these may settle in time and, as you say, they certainly won't be helped by the stress and upset your DH has been under. The investigations will show if there is anything else going on. You really need to try and look after yourself - do you have plenty of support for when the baby is born? If you find things difficult Homestart might be helpful www.home-start.org.uk/findsupport/our_support - I know people speak very highly of them. Hope things improve and you and your DH are able to enjoy a very precious time.

[Fluffybastardcloudkittens]

Thank you for your lovely reply. I've not heard of home start, thanks so much. I'm feeling less tearful today and am much more hopeful that dh's health will improve by the time our little one arrives. We are very lucky in having quite a bit of family close by who could help if we really needed it. I just need to be less proud. Dh saw a different gp today who he said was much better than others he's seen and they've given him some tablets, fx they make him feel better!

[chocaholic73]

Also when you have had the baby first the midwife, then the health visitor will visit you. If you need help .. don't be proud ... it is a whole new learning experience as a first time new mum ... so ask. It is also one of the most wonderful experiences and it passes very quickly, so you don't want to miss out through being too stressed or worried. Hopefully your DH's new tablets will help and he can see this GP in future.

[Matildathecat]

Hello,

Firstly pretty much everyone needs help and support when their first baby is born so if it's available to you within the family or friends please accept it. Or, indeed ask if it's not forthcoming .

Have a chat with both your midwife and health visitor as they might well have some suggestions ( HomeStart is great), too. SureStart Centres can offer a range of things, too. Also, just by them knowing they can just be a bit more understanding.

Now try to get home organised while you have the time. Get internet shopping set up if you don't already have it. It will save untold stress and time. Stock up on basics. Make a meal plan for ie each two week period. Very simple food is just as nutritious as more elaborate. If you are feeding you need access to very regular meals that take minutes to prepare. If you have space in the freezer do some batch cooking and freeze. Or identify some good quality ready meals.

Can you afford a cleaner for a couple of hours a week? Just having the floors, kitchen and bathroom done weekly is really helpful.

It sounds as if you might need to do a lot of the night wakings so decide in advance that you will rest in the daytime when you can. If your DH is up to it maybe decide what jobs around the house will be 'his' ie the ironing.

Hopefully you have your bag packed by now. Well, also think about coming home...stock up baby items ( not nappies though because some brands don't suit). Have enough basics like muslins, vests etc that you don't have to be washing constantly. Have stuff like your bedding and towels done so you don't need to worry for a week or two when you get home.

Finally, yes get organised but nothing truly prepares you so just go with the flow. You will soon be empathising with chronic fatigue! Try not to get snappy with each other.

Hope that helps. You'll be fine. Enjoy your baby.

[Fluffybastardcloudkittens]

Thanks chocoholic and Matilda. It's good to get some really practical positive advice!
I've got plans to batch cook lots of meals this week. Hopefully dh will be up to a bit of cooking but if not they'll be there for him too. Since he's unwell I've agreed to do all the washing up for now but said that I expect to do none for a while once the baby arrives. I could look at a cleaner but I have quite low standards so as long as the washing up's done I don't mind the rest of the housework being left if necessary.
I will get more vests and muslins though - good point about laundry