Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any medical concerns we suggest you consult your GP.

Need to become teetotal for a good future, advice needed?

(67 Posts)
minipoppet Mon 03-Mar-14 06:59:59

I have posted under the' general health' section but really this could come under so many categories,relationships,sex life etc.
I have bee a heavy drinker since the age of 18 and am now nearly 40,I have had yet another 'heavy weekend' in terms of alcohol use.
I am not sure but think I am alcohol dependant rather than an alcoholic?but tell me is there really a difference?thing is I don't drink daily and don't NEED a drink,haven't drank during any of my pregnancies at all but drink more often than not.I even manage not to drink in front of the children as they are fairly young and always in bed early.

I am very happy in my home life and have a wonderful DH who never ever complains about my drinking but I know it does worry him but only in terms of my own safety when I am out and my long term health.
For me unfortunately there is no 'off' button,not only in drinking but in anything I do just lately I have been too drunk every time I drink because I feel as if I am going to run out if time to drink and cram it all in one go.
I drink if I am sad ,when I celebrate I will always find an excuse.

Can anyone advise me on trying the teetotal thing for a bit,it's so daunting because in my mind I have always drank and to be honest find the thought of not doing so scary and frankly boring to a point.
I can see though that there could be great reasons not to keep doing this to myself and DH,I think our lives could be far more fulfilled but I am in a rut,maybe a counsellor?????( I tried to attend AA) a long time ago but I feel I certainly didn't fit in! I was young looked well and stood out like a sore thumb! What to I do , where to start......so difficult.I haven't told DH as I feel this would just give me room to disappoint,I need to decide how to approach it first as it is such a big change for me!

divegirl77 Mon 03-Mar-14 08:18:50

How about
http://www.moderation.org/

casawasa Mon 03-Mar-14 08:28:05

There are lots of us on here with similar issues so stick around and I'm sure you will get some good advice. Have a search for the Brave Babes threads, not sure what the latest one is. You will get lots of support and useful info on those threads.
Good luck!

FuckyNell Mon 03-Mar-14 08:40:53

Well done op.

I stopped almost 4 years ago, I didn't want to be a 40 year old excessive drinker and smoker.

I had to change myself and my life. I have never regretted it for a second.

casawasa Mon 03-Mar-14 08:59:29

FuckyNell how did you stop? Any tips on day to day strategies that you used that might help us?

Silverfoxballs Mon 03-Mar-14 09:07:07

I stopped because

Hangovers became terrible once I hit late 30's
My two elder sister developed type 2 diabetes, that really scared me
It was bloody expensive

I was a classic binge drinker. So though I didn't drink every day I drank far too much in one go. I also read somewhere this was one of the worst ways to drink.

FuckyNell Mon 03-Mar-14 11:16:38

I really really wanted to stop. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired <cliche>

I read Allen cars book easy way to control alcohol.

I tried lots of times to stop before I eventually did, I'm a firm believer that unless you really want to you won't. And you won't know which of those times will be a success until it is.

I just stopped. That is it. Drinking alcohol keeps you drinking alcohol, simple as that.

Getting up and feeling the same way i did when i went to bed is the most wonderful feeling that I feel grateful for every day smile

princessalbert Mon 03-Mar-14 11:31:36

Once you are a couple of days in you will realise how much better you feel without the hangover/tiredness.

I like wine. However am constantly trying to lose weight - so am limiting myself to weekends only. Even then I don't always have a drink.

The longest stretch I went without an alcoholic drink at all was 5 months. I felt fantastic.

Reasons to quit:

Cost
Calories
Health
Driving

minipoppet Mon 03-Mar-14 17:20:45

Ok so fucky Nell thank you for your reply and well done,can you tell me what happens at party's etc is it more fun sober at a party?or do I just try not to go for a while?
It is so daunting,I do like to excersise too so this would be what I could throw myself into that for a bit,do I just stop cut down what would you recommend is the best way?

Willdoitinaminute Mon 03-Mar-14 21:58:17

Partys are fine sober, if everyone else is drinking you can still have fun,relax knowing you will feel fantastic in the morning. Drawback is that drunk people are very boring they talk b****cks and repeat themselves. Try it a few times and you'll see what I mean.
I had to stop drinking after I had drug induced hepatitis, ironically it was a fertility drug. I was warned to take care of my liver, I'd pretty much abused it during my 20s and early 30s. I have the occasional glass of wine but I really don't miss it.
If you open a bottle of wine and then cannot stop drinking until it is finished then it suggests that you are a functioning alcoholic. If you are concerned about your alcohol consumption a chat with your GP may be your first step. Binge drinking is more likely to cause liver damage.
I agree with FuckyNell once you stop you feel so much better.

Please search for the brave babes threads-they are wonderful. They don't frown if you have a drink, they give wonderful advice and you are never made to feel bad.

minipoppet Tue 04-Mar-14 06:35:12

Ok what to tell people for the best treatment because People often will say oh you are so funny drunk and will me on to drink,I think they laugh at me though rather than with me!I have a bit of an alter ego, it is a person I like too but yes I am beginning to see how positive it may be now to approach the world from a different angle.My alter ego has gone too far the last few times,if anyone has the link for brave babes I would love to join them.

stepmooster Tue 04-Mar-14 06:50:00

I wish you luck minipoppet, alcohol destroyed my mother's life. I am early 30's and have a liver condition so am teetotal, it really annoys me how so called friends will still try to egg me on to drink. I think its because me not drinking is now holding a mirror up to their own habits.

One thing dh and I have noticedis eating out is a lot cheaper, what we would have spent on drinks now pays a babysitter.

mrsnec Tue 04-Mar-14 07:50:25

Hi, I'm not teetotal but I have cut my alcohol intake by a lot over the past few years. You can do it. Having said that I don't think I was ever dependent on alcohol and I appreciate that is a different story but I was definitely a binge drinker on social occasions and would drink a lot at home with dh and on my own when he was away. I stopped after a health scare and found it quite easy the less I have the less I miss. I. Drink occasionally now but can stop at 1. For example, a mojito on my birthday, glass of bubbly on Xmas day, that kind of thing. My inlaws are teetotal and my mum doesn't drink so family occassions aren't a problem for me. I have changed my circle of friends though as it made me realise some of them are alcohol dependent and I've just lost interest in it. One in particular has an alcoholic father, she is obsessed by booze even posting on fb everything she consumes, when we went away for a weekend away with her and her partner I couldn't cope with the fact that they'd been drinking all day and were incoherent by about 9pm so I ended up going to bed early with a book! Yes in social situations the drunken ramblings annoy me so I have to take myself away from it. The friend I mention I had to distance myself from as when she came to visit she would drink from mid morning until she passed out. I understand she was on holiday but it was pointless having a conversation with her as she couldn't take anything on board. That's just my experience though, I spend more time with people that aren't hideous drunks! Good luck op.

edwinbear Tue 04-Mar-14 15:24:17

I could have written your post OP. Having an abnormal LFT this morning as part of a routine medical has frightened the life out of me, and I think I need to face up to the fact that I can't have one drink. Therefore, on the basis that it looks like I may have damaged my liver, I need to stop. No excuses, no special occasions, no relapses, just stop. It's daunting, but the alternative is more frightening.

mrsnec Tue 04-Mar-14 15:36:03

I think health has to be the biggest motivational factor. I just re read my post and hope I didn't come across as being righteous. I am just a bit cross with myself these days about how much time and money I gave to alcohol,and the damage it did to my health,most of the time it didn't make me enjoy myself any more than I would have done otherwise, it didn't make me happy and it didn't solve my problems. Op you'll be fine edwinbear, great news.

minipoppet Tue 04-Mar-14 16:28:55

Ok now for good books to help the process anyone???it is so difficult when it is everywhere and like you say it seems all that my friends seem to do,I do have a couple of friends who don't drink,strangely enough they are 2 of my oldest friends frm before I was old enough to drink even ( say 12 years d) neither of them drink so maybe I old visit them for a weekend to occupy myself.they may like the sober me,like old days.god this will be difficult!!!!!and no you didn't sound righteous at all, but your friend sounds like me so the thought that people may think that way about me is scary!

FuckyNell Tue 04-Mar-14 16:33:40

Allen Carr easy way to control alcohol smile

I'm just about to give it up for Lent. I def drink too much. Wine mostly. Rarely spirits - very occasional g&t. I tend to find I wake up around 3am if I've drunk too much and I can't get back to sleep and lie there with my heart pounding hating myself. DH was away last week after a heavy weekend of drinking as we had visitors and I didn't drink all week and it was fine. I didn't miss it at all.

I'm also trying to lose weight and mess it up with drinking too much and then binging on crap.

So for the first time ever I'm planning on giving up for Lent and then planning on being sensible.

MrsSippie Tue 04-Mar-14 16:49:21

Come over to the thread in relationships - staying dry - we're all doing our best to be teetotal!

headoverheels Tue 04-Mar-14 16:49:52

Look at the DRY thread in Relationships OP.

I can't link as on mobile app but copy and past this for the babes

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2000997-The-Brave-Babes-Battle-Bus-Wading-Through-Winter-Blues-Without-The-Booze

If they aren't for you try the DRY threads, for me, the babes are who helps, for many others dry are better-no competition, all out to beat the same battle smile

Good luck to you OP

*paste. Sorry

mrsnec Wed 05-Mar-14 06:04:19

OP, I don't think you sound as bad as my friend just yet. There's some great advice on this thread. I have heard good things about that Alan Carr book too.But give yourself some credit it might be easier than you think.

struggling100 Wed 05-Mar-14 10:30:02

Can I just ask: how are we defining heavy drinking?

I have become aware recently that just about everyone I socialise with drinks a fair bit. I thought everybody was like this, and compared to most of my friends I am not a big boozer at all.

It was only when I did a 'drink responsibly' quiz and came out as a 'heavy drinker' that I got a bit of a shock. I never considered myself such - I will typically have around 20 units a week in total, which I usually consume over three nights. I felt really terrible when I found out!

I'm trying to cut down to just two nights a week, which I think would lower my risk.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now