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The Human Scab

(21 Posts)
Sheshelob Mon 02-Sep-13 23:10:10

<adopts gruff movie voice to try to detract from the fact the word scab is going to come up a lot>

Picture a time, a time when a <cough> young, <cough> firm, <cough> silken skinned beauty woke up to find herself covered in flat spots. These were no ordinary spots. Within days, they had changed. And our heroine's life would change forever possible overstatement

<explosions of dried skin as heroine paraglides into the Grand Canyon>

What started as spots soon became scabby, flakey monsters. And they were everywhere. Arms, legs, scalp. Even her forehead. Once dewy skin was peppered with flakey craters and angry red lumps. Within days, she had become half woman, half popadom.

Standing in front of her bathroom mirror, scraping a scab from her hairline she realised the transformation was at last complete. She had become...

The Human Scab.

But how did she end up this way? What could be the cause?

Her only hope was a group of shadowy mavericks, clinging to their high horses by the strength of their own pelvic floors.

As she flakes off into the sunset, she clumsily crosses genres whispers into space, "Help me, Obi-Wan Ke-Mumsnet. You're my only hope."

FloraFoxley Mon 02-Sep-13 23:12:02

I think your only hope is a proper diagnosis from a doctor personally grin

Faverolles Mon 02-Sep-13 23:13:40

Psoriasis?

Faverolles Mon 02-Sep-13 23:14:11

But yes, orf to the dr with you smile

Sheshelob Mon 02-Sep-13 23:14:48

I was afraid someone might say that.

Doctors aren't that keen on my feature film posturings, or my homemade Thelma and Leia fusion finger puppet show.

dickiedavisthunderthighs Mon 02-Sep-13 23:16:30

Sounds like scabies. Bit grim but treatable. Also v infectious so don't do any wrestling until you've seen the doctor.

Jewelledkaleidoscope Mon 02-Sep-13 23:18:30

Amazing

Sheshelob Mon 02-Sep-13 23:21:36

Scabies!?

<googles furiously>

Princess Leia can't get scabies and the rash looks different to my join-the-dots display

Phew.

HazeltheMcWitch Mon 02-Sep-13 23:23:43

Upload a pic of such a spot so we can all recoil in horror aid you with bit of internet doctoring?

Have you changed anything - washing powder, shampoo, shower gel etc in past few days?

HazeltheMcWitch Mon 02-Sep-13 23:24:25

Join the dots....

Bed bugs????

Been anywhere nice recently? Been anywhere at all recently, stayed in a hotel, had people to stay who recently have done so?

Sheshelob Mon 02-Sep-13 23:31:03

Ah.

This is one of those existential moments when I'm wondering if my economy sized barrel of Head and Shoulders has actually turned me into The Flake Woman but not in an 80s sexist advertising type way. No-one would buy chocolate from me at the moment. Not even a curlywurly.

Sheshelob Mon 02-Sep-13 23:32:37

Bed bugs do not bear thinking about. And surely my partner in feminist crime and intergalactic space travel husband would be riddled with them? Him being the itchier sex and all.

HazeltheMcWitch Mon 02-Sep-13 23:34:38

Possibly. H&S is strong stuff.

DrMcWitch prescribes using a bland shampoo tomorrow, and some bland soap or showergel. Then moisturising using a very very very bland lotion. Add no perfume. Then see how you're doing.

And hey, I'd buy a curly wurly from you. I'd even accept one free of charge, and not run away too fast.

HazeltheMcWitch Mon 02-Sep-13 23:36:07

Ach, I had bad bad bug bites before. And my then bed partner did not. They clearly had taste, those bitey bastards.

(They chomp in little lines, so you'd probably see 3 or little clusters of bites.)

DumSpiroSpero Mon 02-Sep-13 23:38:14
Sheshelob Mon 02-Sep-13 23:38:31

<brushes skin flakes off a curlywurly>

<hands it to Hazel>

You can have that one for free grin

<wonders if curlywurlies can get bedbugs not that I have bedbugs <gulp>

Sheshelob Mon 02-Sep-13 23:41:00

I am never going to sleep again, having Googled impetigo.

If I have that, I'm going to chop my own face off.

DumSpiroSpero Mon 02-Sep-13 23:42:33
DumSpiroSpero Mon 02-Sep-13 23:44:32

Impetigo is very common and treatable - LP can be difficult, you really need to get it checked out.

Sheshelob Mon 02-Sep-13 23:45:19

Dum, do you subscribe to Skin Conditions Monthly? You are a font of all terrifying Google images knowledge.

DumSpiroSpero Tue 03-Sep-13 00:07:54

grin Nope! I work with kids - impetigo is quite common in young children as it's highly infectious.

My mum has just been signed off from 2yrs treatment of LP - that is more unusual but nonetheless a fairly common side effect of some medication (can't remember which - mum is on lots!)

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