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Calling all Raggedies - the THIRD Ragged Bits thread. Childbirth injuries, sphincter problems, fistulae... all welcome.

(832 Posts)
Jacksmania Fri 26-Oct-12 19:08:26

First thread here, May 2008 to June 2009.

Second thread here, June 2009 to Oct 2012.

Welcome everyone with ragged bits due to childbirth. We're sorry you had to find us, but we promise to hold your hand and listen.

There is no TMI here and nothing is too gross, too embarrassing or too horrible.

<lays out tea tray, buffet and alcoholic bar>

All welcome.

Jacksmania Mon 15-Apr-13 20:03:02

Thank you! I did have a lovely weekend, feeling a bit shit today but that's just PMT kicking me... where the bleep is my period, not that I want it, I just want to feel better!

raggygash Thu 18-Apr-13 10:43:11

Hi ladies, I hope you don't mind me joining in....
I feel a little silly to be honest...
None of my friends have children... and ny mum and sister had wonderful births with no complications..
So I don't feel I can talk with them..
I will try and jeep this short as I can.
Eight years ago I got whipped into hospital while I was 33 weeks pregnant with my daughter.. she spent all my pregnancy moving breach to double breach to transverse and back again...
My husband and I we're in a middle of divorce and my son was 6... so have a c section wasn't an option for me as I had no support.
My obstrition kept me in for two weeks and I had to lay with my bum in the air..
While they kept turning the baby head down to no avail..Then my obstrition decided to turn one last Tim and induce labour as natural as they could.. sad
Things went a little pare shaped... I ended up having to be cut open for forceps .. which wouldn't work and then vontuse ...
Which to say the least was horrific...
Pain relief didn't work.. I was then stitched back up by a butcher of a women..
I was glad to just get home with my baby..
Anyway I met a army man... who had seen more horrors than my gash.. lol..
But some time has passed and I became frightened to go back and get it sorted. As the fear of the pain has put me off..
I now know why pain relief didn't work..
I have hypermobility syndrome...which means I suffer pain any way and painkillers just don't work.
But now I'm single and dating again..
And have had sex twice with new man...
But I'm petrified he sees my bits.... and runs a mile...
I have piles which the gyne butcher has stitched into my pernuime...
I have decided I need this sorting as I can't go through life like this been embarrassed about my body...
Meanwhile.... I know I need to discuss this with the new man but don't know how to..
As it's all just been a bit of fun till now.. and he's keen to see more of me sad .... lol...
In both ways... haha..
I have made an appointment with the doctor to discuss this and get it sorted but I'm petrified of how much pain I will be in.. and fearful to discuss with new man..
I would be grateful for any advice or input on how to approach the subject..
As new man thinks I have some interesting moves...lol... no I don't I'm just positioning my body so he can't see...lol... which makes me seem inventive... oh the irony...

Please please help...

cravingcake Thu 18-Apr-13 20:35:53

Hi Raggygash, you are not alone. We all here have suffered some sort of butchery to our bits.

I too am hypermobile so I understand what you mean when painkillers don't help. However, some days paracetamol and/or ibuprofen and wine helps take the edge off the long term pain.

Well done for making an appointment with your doctor, be prepared for them to have a good look and poke about - they may not need to but better to prepare for the worst and hope for the best. My only advice is to be really really honest with them, that way they should be able to refer you to the right people.

Regarding your new man, be honest with him as much as you can. If he runs a mile because you don't 'look right' then he's not worth it.

Jacksmania Thu 18-Apr-13 23:22:48

I can't say it any better than craving has. Well done you for posting here, and for making an appointment with your doctor. Good luck, do keep us posted!
(Sorry so short, just at work between clients.)

thebestpossibletaste Sat 20-Apr-13 17:37:48

Can I join in?

Have had problems with anal fissure and piles since last dd was born 12 years ago. Have changed diet radically as have chronic constipation, am now no carb, but seems as soon as I slip up and have a piece of cake, chocolate or bread the constipation and wind and IBS return, such pain!

Currently fissure is causing problems again, have been using Anusol with HC but it's not helping, any suggestions? I'm drinking as much as I can, hoping that will help. Scared to use laxatives due to IBS and also avoid dairy due to intolerance. Can't stand the thought of using a laxative that will cause a violent reaction due to other issues!

My perineum seems to be a mess too, following a tear, but following advice on MN I've found massaging vitamin e oil in every day helps.

Coffee1Sugar Sat 20-Apr-13 18:12:07

Hi all, been a while since I've posted. Had a rough couple of weeks, my cousin died.
Dp and I have been together 15months now and he is a wonderful bf and stepdad. Due to my 3a tear, rectocele and refashion 3years ago, dp and I have never had sex. I feel guilty everyday but am petrified of it. Had counselling, dilators, vibrators the works, though nothing does actually work. My head is fucked and just says "no". Basically given myself an ultimatum of if it doesn't work when I pull myself round to trying to dtd tonight, I'm going to split with dp. It's not fair on him to put up with no sex. Just so scared coz ultimately I know which way this will go sad

cravingcake Sat 20-Apr-13 19:55:00

Welcome along thebestpossibletaste. Sorry but i really dont know much about anal fisssures so cant be muc help other than to hold your hand.

coffee thats really quite extreme, i do hope it doesnt come to that. I read just yesterday that the most powerful sex organ is the brain, so maybe you could do with some counselling or even hypnosis to help your mind relax so your body can ifkwim. Please dont give yourself unrealistic ultimatums until you have tried every option. I hope this comes across in the nice way i mean this and not patranising.

thebestpossibletaste Sat 20-Apr-13 20:01:30

Sorry, am I in the wrong place then?

cravingcake Sun 21-Apr-13 11:23:54

We're a slow moving thread but some on here will have had experience of your situation so should be ableto offer you some help or suggestions. I personally had a 4th degree tear, i'm not medical or anything so only have my own experiences to go by. Hopefully someone will come along soon & be able to offer you more help.

Coffee1Sugar Sun 21-Apr-13 11:39:39

Dtd grin and it was FINE! Marginally uncomfortable and dp actually finished! Its been all in my head which makes me cross with myself but I also think I needed that push of an ultimatum to just get on with it and face my fear

cravingcake Sun 21-Apr-13 11:54:58

Thats great news coffee

Hi - can I join in too? I had a forceps delivery three years ago that left me with a rectocele. This got worse during subsequent pregnancy so I went onto lactulose. I had a section a week ago but now I can't poo at all without taking as much lactulose as needed to give me diarhhea. It's like I've lost the ability to push. Is this normal after a section and will it return? I'm dreading that only surgery will fix me now.

Jacksmania Mon 22-Apr-13 20:04:58

thebestpossibletaste - hi, I'm so sorry I'm only seeing this now, I've been a bit under the weather the last few days <waves at rest of the broken bits gang> - I, too, had an anal fissure and I still shudder at the memory. They're hell to get rid of. I tried stool softeners and Diltiazem cream and all that stuff that GPs suggest, to no avail. What helped me was 1) keeping stool to the consistency of toothpaste, and 2) applying Traumeel cream or ointment to the fissure. Either is fine, but I think the ointment would probably stay on better. I only had the cream so I used that. You can buy it on Amazon if British pharmacies (chemists?) don't have it (I'm in Canada). It's not actually intended to be put on open wounds, it's for bruises, sprains and strains, but somehow, the homeopathic ingredients really work for increasing blood flow to the area and healing fissures. I put it on about six times a day. At first it feels quite warm, I won't say it burns but it does give you a sort of "yikes!" kind of feeling, but then it feels quite good.
For stool softening, the magic bullet for me is Magnesium Glycinate, in 1000 mg capsules. Again, can be bought on Amazon if you can't get it locally. I take one a night and probably will for the rest of my life (still have other problems) and it does the job. I don't get cramps, or the runs, or anything like that. I tried eating dried apricots at first, and that works too, but I don't like the taste and they're very very sugary which I don't like.
I hope that helps! I'll try to check in more regularly.

coffee1sugar - yay for Pervwatch grin

Jacksmania Mon 22-Apr-13 20:07:52

Mariana - I haven't had a section but I think, if you've already had a rotten delivery and have a rectocele, then after a section your pelvic floor (which also needs the help of your transverse abdominal muscle to function properly) can be in shock for a bit so you might not be able to push as well as you're used to... if that makes sense? I'd try magnesium glycinate, as I recommended above, as a stoool softener alternative to lactulose. I find it much more stomach-friendly.

Keep us posted, all of you!

Jacksmania Mon 22-Apr-13 20:08:46

"stool", obviously. Not stoool. Or even "stooool". That last would be a bar stool - very tall.

^ your stupid joke of the day, right there blush

thebestpossibletaste Mon 22-Apr-13 21:45:29

Jacksmania, thank you so much. That sounds worth a try, I'll look on amazon.

Things have actually improved slightly today, I'm trying to make sure I go regularly to avoid constipation. Do you follow a special diet?

I don't mind eating apricots, but will try magnesium capsules. I'm anxious to avoid diarrhoea as that also hurts for ages afterwards. I'd heard that they can cause the runs so have never taken them.

Thanks for the advice Jacksmania, I've not heard of mag gylcinate, I can live with being on a stooool softener for life but glad to hear that things should improve in time. I had SPD when pregnant and could do no exercise. I'm usual quite fit and active and not overweight so I'm keen to get back in shape and hope that makes a difference to everything. I'll try apricots too, I seem to be immune to prunes but am addicted to All Bran.

Jacksmania Tue 23-Apr-13 00:00:56

thebest, no I don't follow any kind of special diet, however... I do find that lots of wheat and sugar don't agree with me, and I tend to constipation when I eat lots of it.

mariana grin @stooool softener

Jacksmania Fri 26-Apr-13 21:08:53

Just checking in... how are we all?

burdened and stressed and ready for a holiday here... don't ask...

thing1andthing2 Sat 27-Apr-13 19:38:08

Hi marina, just checking in now. I too had this loss of ability to push and still have it to some extent. I put a wad of tissue paper on my perineum, sort of in the region of the vaginal opening and labia, and push against that, does that make sense? Have you tried that? I can usually get the poo out that way. For me also pears, dates and movicol have been the best for poo.

Hi everyone else! I have been doing my perineal massage with wheat germ oil and it is going quite well, everything is much less tender and painful. I have also been using a vibrator dilator and am fine with that now and could easily go up a size. I haven't dtd with DH yet since last time but mainly because ds still isn't sleeping rather than because of fear. Also I kind of want to get the old vag in a really good state so I actually enjoy it this time and don't feel set back by another painful experience. Well let you know when I have another attempt, should be soon!

Jacksmania Sun 28-Apr-13 05:27:58

Pervwatch in action, I love it grin

I'm glad the perineal massage is working for you.

I'm approaching mid-cycle which I find makes everything so much more tender, and found when wiping this morning that my episiotomy scar (5 1/2 years later) is tender... FFS. Would someone like to gaze into their crystal ball and tell me when, if ever, my poor bits are going to feel painless again? angry

Grrrrrr.

thing1andthing2 Sun 28-Apr-13 16:18:08

Sorry you are still having pain jacks, that's really rubbish.
So DH and I had a great time last night (in a pervwatch special). My gp has given me some local anaesthetic gel which is basically like lube but with a local in it, it is called instillagel. It was awesome, we had a great time and no pain on my part. Things maybe took a little longer because of some lack of sensation in some areas, but hey, it just meant the fun went on for longer wink. I'm not even uncomfortable today either, so I think things are definitely looking up.
How is everyone else? X

Jacksmania Sun 28-Apr-13 17:53:37

<cheers thing1> That's fab grin

cravingcake Tue 30-Apr-13 07:08:59

Sorry Jacks, my cristal ball is out of action but i feel your pain. Slightly different but i've just come on and it feels like my entire uterus is falling out. My scars are so tender as well.

cravingcake Thu 02-May-13 09:03:57

Re-reading it looks like my spelling is a bit off as well..... Its definitely being one of those weeks. Last night I had a poo accident thankfully at home with only my dogs as witnesses but was horrible. I've always struggled with urgency but I didn't manage to even get from out in the back garden inside to the loo sad. I will mention it at my next gynae appointment but its really knocked my confidence.

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