friend with cancer

[Pudmog]

Wise people - how can I best support my dear friend through her treatment. We live far away.
Ideas so far- cards several times a week; flowers to greet her in hospital and when she returns home; subscription to a magazine; using a company to deliver meals for her family if necessary; sending toiletries(Does anyone know of grown up nice 'wet wipes'?)- any other ideas.
Listening and being me also important.

[MarsOnLife]

what lovely ideas pudmog. You're a good friend.

Incidentally how's your DS?

[Pudmog]

Just posted on his thread- much better.

Thanks- I feel so helpless being so far away.

[amynnixmum]

Is she having chemo? My mum found Queasypops good for easing sickness. Have a look here \link{http://www.threelollies.com}

I made mum a head scarf and some friends also gave her some scarves and hats. She said her head used to get really cold at night.

Other than that just being there to listen is important.

[amynnixmum]

Not sure why that link didn't work

[MarsOnLife]

{http://www.threelollies.com\that should work}

[MarsOnLife]

forgot to add the word link

[PeachyClair]

Update yourself as much you can on her condition, so she has someone to talk to who is knowledgeable but NOT medical. The Macmillan Cancer Relief Information Website will help with that I am sure. (Their line is fab too if more info needed at any point)

Mobile top up time bought for her? Clothes shopping trips (online is fine- MSN?) as she will be likely to change dress size. clothes vouchers might be a timely gift, actually.

You sound like a great mate, knowing you are around and caring so much will be a help. Do also try to distract her- and be sensitive that at times she might not want gifts, she might want to forget the cancer.

And sometimes, if she is married / attached, a gift/ card to the partner instead might be nice: I'm sure he /she'd never ask, but if it were me I'd be worried about my DH going through it with me too.

You're a great kind soul.

[lalaa]

i have cancer. the best thing so far has been my godmother organising an organic veg box delivery once a week (which she also pays for!). it's great to know we've got good healthy food coming in.
also, i would kill for someone to provide some meals to put in our chest freezer. in the days after chemo when I just want comfort food (shepherd pie, chicken pie, chips, baked potato and stew) and dh is running around doing everything because I can't, it's a godsend to have the right food just sitting there in the freezer so that at the end of a very long day for dh, he doesn't then have to cook.
also, we organised a cleaner, which is also a godsend and one less thing I have to stress about. some friends of ours sometimes come for dinner and they bring all the ingredients and then just cook!
flowers is a great idea - the tulips and daffs around now (expensive but worth it) are reminding me that spring, and the end of chemo, is just around the corner.
and just being there/listening and hearing how it is for your friend.
also (thought of another one) organising a really special treat for when her treatment is predicted to be over. i should be finished chemo and radiotherapy by july so am organising a holiday, and my sister has got tickets for me for robbie williams in september.
really, this is the last one, offering to get shopping organised (you could do this via the internet if necessary). on my chemo cycles, i feel crapola for one week, then the following week my immunity is reduced to nothing, so I can't go shopping. which means two out of three weeks, I can't get the stuff I want. just for stuff like moisturiser and things like that that her partner (if she has one) might be rubbish at sorting.
think that's it!
no, forgot one, sending dvds (you can rent through blockbuster if necessary). those days after chemo when you feel rubbish are really long and quite boring.

[lalaa]

oh, yes - her partner will need support too. my dh is really going through it at the mo and my mother has just offered to come to stay next weekend to look after me and dd so that dh can get away for some 'he-time'!

[suedonim]

Podmog, ds1's mil is being treated for cancer. As she's in the US there isn't really anything practical we can do to help but this book, What Can I do To Help? is very useful wrt to things to do/not do. Best wishes to your friend.

Lalaa, I think you and ds's mil are at about the same stage of treatment. She has breast cancer and has had three out of six chemos. She then has a break before starting a course of radiotherapy. It's been very tough so far, though she's pleased to be halfway through the first part. I wish you the very best for your remaining treatment and hope that you have sunnier times ahead.

[winnie]

my advice having watched my mothre battle with cancer is simply be there for your friend... keep in contact as much as possible and remember however difficult things may get for you to deal with (with regard to her condition)it is a million times worse for her. One of the things that upset Mum greatly was that some of her friends (good long term friends) found it more and more difficult to visit her and there visits/calls got further and further apart and in some cases stopped completely. You seem a wonderful friend Pudmog so I am sure this is not likely but I just wanted to mention it.

[lalaa]

suedonim - yes, have done 3. not entirely sure whether I'm having 6 or 8, so maybe half way or maybe not.....the length of time this all takes is quite wearing. I've got radiotherapy to come too, but I'm not too worried about that. it is great to have the summer to look forward to.

[Evs09]

Pity you live far away from each other because if you could possibly get across to see her and take her to one of her Chemo sessions.Im sure that would mean a lot to her.If distance too far then phone calls show you care. Hope all goes well

[suedonim]

Lalaa, yes, the length of time it all takes is difficult for ds's mil, A. She, too, is looking forward to the summer, when it will all be behind her. Atm, she's still working in between the chemos. The first week after, she's pretty much knocked out but after that she's able to work at her own pace and she finds it good to have something else to focus on. But it's all a hard row to hoe, even with the better treatments nowadays - A is taking the hair loss very badly, even though she thought she was prepared.

When do you hear about your herceptin treatment? I truly hope you get it without having to fight for it.

[Pudmog]

Thank you for all your helpful suggestions.
The hardest things are not being able to drive-so I can't help in that way, plus I have 3 kids, one who is still breastfed.
What we are hoping to do is a mix of lots of things, and we are hoping to find a holiday place near them at Easter so we can help with the holidays and do whatever my friend needs us to do.
She hasn't had her full diagnosis or treatment plan yet.
lalaa- thank you for being honest.The telephone and post will be my main way of support, and I hope that I am sensitive enough to know when she wants me and when she doesn't!

Selfishly I am so upset about this as so many of my friends have have suffered terrible things. I am not saying that I will, but I am terrified of losing another very dear friend. I have lost 3 friends in separate car crashes, one from a brain tumour and one from pneumonia and I am only in my early 30s. I have said it now.Of course I will be very posotive and encourage her and put my feelings aside. I shall stop waffling now!

[winnie]

Oh Pudmog, of course you are terrified. Please don't think you are being selfish. You are being a lovely friend. Be kind to yourself too.