Mumsnet Talk

Mates of ours are getting married abroad next week, DH and I are invited and have saved like crazy to attend the wedding (it's in USA but not a child friendy place we're going to) and my parents are going to move in here while we're away. Kids love my parents so they should both be fine.

I know I am a mean selfish cow for wanting a few days with my DH, but I would love some advice as to how to tell my DC's what's going to happen. (they are 4 and 20 months)

DD (4) is excited about Granny coming to stay but not sure if DS (20mths) will understand, and will they hate me?

I explain this sort of thing to my 4yrolds in terms of sleeps. So 'Mummy is going away for 4 sleeps.... you will go ..with granny and she will be here when you wake up every day and put you in the bath.. I will back after you've been to football on saturday' and so on and so forth. As for why yhou're going away a small white lie of 'children aren't allowed there and it's very boring, but mummy has to go because our friends will be sad if we don't...' I find saying |I will bring you a present helps too!

The 20mth old - when mine were this age I just said 'bye bye see you later -granny will be putting you to bed and getting up with you..' they didn't seem to get the passing of time.

Ime they may ignore you for a bit when you get back, but they will get over it!

Yes, I am being ignored by DD already!

20 mth old will not really notice how long you are away, he does not have the concept of time.

Even your DD will struggle. I agree with the how many sleeps method, and saying you will be back after a certain activity.

Don't dwell on the fact that you will be away, big up Granny's visit.

And don't phone too often, tell your parents to let the DC phone you when they want to. If you phone just as your DD is getting tired, or has just dropped her bread on the floor and is having a wee strop then you will get all upset.

Thanks MmeLindt. I am getting a bit worked up and upset about leaving them now and am seriously thinking this is a majorly bad idea!!!!

HinnyPet
DH and I had two wonderful holidays when our two were small - for around 10 days each!
We left a small gift for each of them to open either in the morning or evening (whenever they're most likely to miss you), and wrote notes like 'hope you enjoy swimming today' etc.
They are now 16 and 17 and if we go away, still ask if they're going to get a present to open each night.
It worked for us - but they had wonderful people looking after them, who they were very used to.
Have fun!

You will have a great time.We try to go away for weekends about 3 or 4 times a year without the DD's.It gives us chance to recharge and let loose a bit which in turn makes me for one a better Mummy in the long run.
I still get a bit sad when I am leaving them but it is definately worth it and I can honestly say our two (at nearly 4 and 2.5) dont give a monkeys!

They are going to my Mum this weekend as we are supposed to be going away and they are more excited than we are.

That said I dont know if we will go as there seems to be a severe weather warning where we are going and I am in bed with flu.

I am sure they will be fine. We have had a number of short breaks away from DD (3 days max) and she is now 3.4. She has always been absolutely FINE and loved spending time with my mum and dad. We/they always plan plenty of stuff for her to do so she sees it as a major treat. Frankly I think she is thoroughly disappointed when we return and its back to normal! She is going to stay with her other granny for 4 nights next Easter with her slightly older cousin - granny lives in the country and they will be doing easter egg hunts and looking at the baby lambs. She is talking about it already and DH and I are chatting about what WE will do!!

On the notes thing, we babysat my nieces once for 3 days, aged 5, 5 and 2, before we had children. They were absolutely fine except for when the 5yos read and remembered the note their mother had left them "have a nice time, I'll miss you, love you, etc". And then they cried.

I did wish their mother hadn't left the note. It reminded them to miss her.

Kids generally OK with this kind of thing, any worry is likely to be before the event rather than once you are actually away. More of a problem is if the kids think you are worried that they will be worried, as it then becomes a self fulfilling prophecy as if you are worried they will think that they should be worried even if they are not. IYSWIM.

Can understand that Fennel - that's why they need to be worded carefully.

Apparently ours had the desired effect - I suspect more to do with the present that accompanied them.

It was fine! They had a great time and DD even managed to have two days off school

Glad it went well-I think staying with grandparents is very beneficial for both sides.

Oh my Mum moved in here!! We thought it would be easier.... now I just have to catch up with the X Factor ...

I always got them to stay at our house-it was much better all around, and both sets of grandparents knew how everything worked and so we could just go and leave them to it.

Oh yes they will hate you and resent you forever - NOT. We went to Antigua for a week when DD1 was just 5 and DD2 was 20mths. DD1 crossed the days off the calendar and DD2 hadn't a clue. They both stayed with the grandparents and it was absolutely fine.