how to stop XDH accessing my laptop via his phone?

[WheresTheAuPair]

I've suspected for a while that my estranged husband who an IT person has been accessing my email and internet history but not worked out how. He slipped up today mid argument and said he hadn't accessed my laptop when he was here last but if he wanted he could do so via his phone?

How is this possible? i've changed all the passwords on my email accounts but as he set this laptop up as part of a home server network i can't change the main password. I've uninstalled the VNC software that was on here but still confused how he's getting in?

I always delete my internet history too so don't know how he's getting in and through the new passwords?

could it be spyware?

all help much appreciated

[littleducks]

bastard!

[whitenoise]

sounds like you need to switch off remote assistance. But i don't know how to do it sorry!

[sweetgrapes]

Are you wireless or plug in?

[WheresTheAuPair]

Ii should say that he has an interest in hacking ..I don't know if he's ever actually hacked into anything but when I was packing his stuff I did find several books on the subject.

[WheresTheAuPair]

wireless

[MillieMummy]

I'm sorry I can't offer any technical assistance but wanted to say how terrible this is - what an awful thing to have to deal with .

Mr WTAP - if you are reading this you are a total sh*t and clearly need to get help !

[WheresTheAuPair]

it does get me as he left me nearly 3 months ago with a 4 week old baby and 2 yr old citing that he doesn't love me anymore and sees me a sister. Ok i've accepted this now and feel ready to get on with my life so why exactly i wonder is he taking such an avid interest in my life? I think i am entitled to some privacy in my own home!

[Cosette]

There are a couple of things you can do. Firstly install some spyware - either Spybot Search & Destroy or Adaware. This will find loads of things - but will do a cleanup for you.

Secondly do you have access to the wireless router? Normally to get to the admin screen you type the IP address into the url field in your browser. They vary but it will probably be something like 192.168.0.1 Usually it is password protected (often with a default password of password). However it's likely that your ex has changed it, but try anyway.

If you get in, then you need to either check what's allowed to access remotely - look for a restricted MAC address list.

If you can't get in, then depending on the make of the router, you should be able to reset the router back to the default password - but you will then lose all settings and have to reconfigure it. This isn't as bad as it sounds, but will be something you need to do. As it is wireless access, at the moment your ex can sit outside the house and get into your network, and then onto your pc.

[Miggsie]

Your only realistic options are:
remove the laptop from the home network he created and only have a single broadband or fixed connection into the wall without the router inbetween. You would still need a new router from your broadband provider. If you tell your broadband provider what the problem is and they supplied the router than they might give you a free one if you are lucky.
OR:
Ditch your current wireless router and buy a new one and set it up yourself with a new password. Do this if wireless is a priority.

(you could also ditch the home network and not ever go back online, but this is not really viable)

I also recommend: download the FREE AVG security software (AVG.com) and enable all the firewall security. You can also password protect your email accounts and all files within the laptop, but you also need to change all your settings for mail with the ISP too. Contact your ISP as they might have free help for people. You can always say you think your account has been hacked. you don't have to say the background.

What he is doing is:

Sitting outside your house, or in the street with a wifi enabled laptop or PDA, and then logging in. Your wifi signal from your wireless router can be picked up over several streets. In our street I can access 2 unprotected wifi networks and my next door neighbour's protected network from my home office). I don't run a wireless network...!

If he set up the network and he set the main password and you can't change it then effectively he is network administrator on your network and you can't stop him logging in.

[Miggsie]

Yes, you can reset the current router but he knows the IP address and settings which is why I recommended to buy a new one which he hasn't had his hands on!

[sweetgrapes]

I'm too late...
Good advice from Miggsie.

Do you bank online? If you do, check if they give you free online security of some sort. hsbc gives macafee for 12 months free, others must have something too. Otherwise AVG + Adaware is a good combination for free.

[WheresTheAuPair]

that is great thanks- i'll sit down later when the DC'S are in bed and try and crack this one.

i'll get a new wireless router then first step. can i get these anywhere?

[onager]

If your laptop is "part of a home server network" does this mean you have another PC always switched on that acts as a server that the laptop is connecting through?

I don't use this method, but if so it could be this main PC that is the vulnerable one.

Some people set up this main PC to be like a switchboard for everything.

[solidgoldsoddingjanuaryagain]

Isn't what he'd doing illegal? He doesn't live in the house, presumably does not have any kind of court order or official powers to keep you under surveillance... Check out that aspect and tell him that if he does it again you will have the law on him.

[Cosette]

if you reset the router, then you can set it up from scratch as if you had bought a new one. You don't need to buy a new one...

[onager]

Agree with cosette. You would have to change the new router password anyway since the defaults they come with are well known. So you may as well reset the old one and then change that password.

[Cosette]

Your local IP address, is usually a configurable option on the router, so you can just go and change that. What make and model router do you have?

You will also need the login name and password provided by your ISP. If you don't have that, then you will need to contact them - very important you do that as you will need it in order to configure the router.

As well as limiting access by MAC address (ie where you restrict which devices can physically use the network), you need to set up encryption, so that any communication cannot be read if it is intercepted.

Information on how to do that will be in your router manual - if you don't have it, then it will be online, and you'll need to print out the relevant pages before you do anything. It sounds complicated, but it isn't really.

[Ivykaty44]

Just a little concerned - this needs to be reported as it is illegal.

You shouldn't have to be stopping him from accessing your personel data.

Either tell your solicitor or go to the police and report this. In fact report it to the police anyhow and then get an incident number.

It may well show up on his equipment that he has been accessing your laptop and emails....

[Cosette]

Is it illegal though? He's estranged rather than divorced by the sound of it. In which case the house, router and laptop are probably all marital property. Yes he shouldn't be accessing her email, but I don't really think the police would be that interested unless there's a threat to her safety. After all plenty of us on here give advice on "checking up" to those who suspect their DH's of having an affair.

It could be considered harrassment possibly - but would need to be part of a bigger complaint..

[solidgoldsoddingjanuaryagain]

Isn't accessing someone's email without their consent or knowledge just as illegal as opening and reading someone else's paper mail (and that is illegal, most definitely)?

[Ivykaty44]

Even if he was her husband and still living in the house he is not legally allowed to access her personel emails or open her posted mail - it is illegal, by any person when you are an adult and you are alive (when you are dead there are different laws)

In divorce cases it is common for a soliciotr to have to explain to one partner they would be in serious trouble for accessing his estranged wifes personel messages, bank statements etc

The police may well not be "interested" but they are there to protect the public from whatever sort of crime and she is well within her writes to report this crime. It does need though to be reported and he does need to be told to stop accessing her email and perhaps a visit fromthe police may prevent him from thinking about doing this agian.

it is an invasion of her privacy and we are all allowed that.

[WheresTheAuPair]

He does not live with me and have only just started divorce proceedings. But i'm wondering how he can access my laptop via his phone? i know he is not sitting outside as the wireless network is secure.

Sorry for v.belated response-have been away for a few nights.

I will mention this to my solicitor next week as i'm really not comfortable with the idea of him knowing everything about my life when i know nothing of his. (he just walked out on us btw- no explanations or anything- just that he didn't love me anymore) its like getting blood from a stone from him and i hate the idea that he holds all the cards. he keeps dropping things into conversation to make me aware that he knows things. its incredibly creepy and unnerving.

ok i'm being stupid here- how do i reset the router? its a Linksys wireless router...

[fymandwhenisthisbabycoming]

my dh has his phone set up to check all our e-mails - it is quite easy to do...it may work if you just change the password to access your e-mail.

Otherwise if he is accessing the wireless network with a laptop then you do need to do what others here have said..