anti natal classes for Lesbian MTB(10 Posts)
Hi, I was just wondering what your experience of anti natal classes was like?
We attended NCT classes, and whilst the teacher was very encouraging & helpful (turned out she was family, the rest of the class was a different matter...
We found ourselves fielding questions about how we conceived and who would be called ‘Mum’!
We did get a lot of good information from our classes, and made a couple of friends, but just wondered how others found the experience .
I'm curious to see other people's experience of this too. We have our first NCT class in a couple of weeks. Blinkin expensive so I'm hoping not to have to waste any time answering other people's intrusive questions. I'm trying to think of a polite quick way of saying "none of your business" at the same time as staying approachable and friendly with potential new local mummy friends. Tricky..
Hi, I'm not gay but two of the nine couples in our NCT group were, one of whom is now a close friend. As far as I know they weren't treated any differently from the straight couples. Maybe you were unfortunate in the people in your group?
Congratulations Betty and hope you enjoy your classes.
Congratulations. How exciting.
Every group is different for sure. I have found that most people feel it is ok to ask such questions. I don't know why.
I would like to start running sessions for gay couples. Our little boy is now two and there are some things that are unique to gay parents.
My two friends (both in same-sex relationships) both did NCT classes and made great friends.
I am pretty sure nobody asked them intrusive questions early on. But they have both told me that later on, they shared lots with the other people from their group including the type of things you mention. But then the other women often told them about their own fertility stories (IVF or egg donation) so it was quite usual to share very intimate details.
I found with my own group that after birth, I knew everything from the amount of stitches one woman had to how badly another woman pooed herself in early labour. We were united by an over-sharing of information. We didn't share quite as much on the initial course but people talked quite openly about miscarriages and infertility issues; they answered questions too. So in that setting, I think it's sometimes easy to ask intimate things that you wouldn't otherwise.
Hope you enjoy your course Betty. I found my group an invaluable support in those early months just being around and sharing the craziness and anxiety of new parenthood.
We didn't do the NCT classes, but we have found people in general asking intrusive questions when they clocked we were gay. It really winds me up. I thought people would ask how it all happened, but by far the most frequently asked question is how did we decide who had the baby. I get so fed up of having to explain myself to strangers. Now, I'm the queen of deflection. "I don't want to talk about it" is also a good one if it's too intrusive.
Groups will vary. However, in my group (8 straight couples), lots of personal info re conception was shared (after the babies were born, everyone was polite until then). How long it took etc etc. So I can sort of see you being asked in that situation, although personally I wouldn't ask! However, after all the antenatal stuff is done and you are at general child stuff, it would be an outrageous question for someone to ask. My ds has a friend with lesbian parents and since the child was school age by the time we met them, it just seems irrelevant how he was conceived and I never considered asking. He's not a baby, so conception is completely in the past and people don't think about it. However there are some people who are rude, nosy etc and you'll prob get them asking right through childhood!
Just wanna say. This was never ment to be a dig at NCT classes. The class it's self gave great support & really useful information. We also made a couple of really good friends out of it.
We feel we would have benefited from being with other same sex couples more than in a mixed group.
We've had our first NCT day now. The info covered and other couples were lovely but the facilitator said "Mums and Dads" all day long and the activities were often split into the Dads group and the Mums group. Really annoying! I'm wishing we had emailed the facilitator in advance to ask about it but honestly thought they might just be a bit more inclusive naturally.
I'm hoping she just mis-read my partner as male and wasn't just being intentionally rude. It has happened sometimes as my partner is quite butchie and Chinese and very occasionally gets read as male by white people. Usually in the ladies loos lol. She has a very feminine name though which the facilitator knew so who knows.
Not sure now whether to email the facilitator before the 2nd half of the course or just leave it and see if she corrects herself. We had a different facilitator for the breast feeding session who clocked us straight away, never once said Dads and was really lovely and inclusive. So I think it really is down to the individual. The other couples have all been great and no weird questions yet but we are still at the polite awkward chit chat stage I guess. Wish us luck for the next session!
We're waiting to start our NCT course and are apprehensive of being made to feel awkward.. Personally, I don't mind "the questions" - I see them as an opportunity to educate those who evidently haven't come across gay parents before. But I would most definitely mind the NCT facilitator referring to me as a "Dad" - given the amount of money these courses cost, the very least they can do is be inclusive. I would complain!!
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