Daughter college course

[NWmum86]

Hello everyone,

Great forum, have read for a while and now thought I would join in.

I'm looking for some advice regarding my daughter. She's 25 and works part time in a local shop but I had been wanting her to do a college course and recently she started one, doing IT skills.

I try to help out and I picked up my granddaughter from school and then we went to the college to pick up my daugther. She didnt come out and after a while of waiting we went in to see if she had maybe already gone home. It turned out she had been kept behind for being a bit of a clown in the class. I spoke with the tutor and my daughter has been in trouble a few times.

Since then I've asked her if she behaved and she says yes, but I know she wouldnt tell me otherwise anwyay. I'm not really sure how to deal with it, I feel I'm limited due to the fact my daughter isn't a kid.

Anyone had any similar expierences or have any advice?

[mummytime]

She's 25! Does she have learning difficulties?

Otherwise, it has nothing to do with you. Sorry! But she needs to take charge of her own life.

[NWmum86]

Hi, thanks for the reply.

No, she is just quite immature. For example at the end of last year she did a shift at a pub her friend works at but got sent home for messing around. I thought she might knuckle down on this course though. Unfortunalty I was wrong!

[mumeeee]

At 25 your Daughter should be in charge of her own life. Her tutor should have talked to her and not you as it is nothing to do with you. DD3 is 24 and at uni. She has a learning difficulty she sometimes asks me for support and advice but I don't talk to her tutors about anything that is for her to sort out.

[mumeeee]

Oh I forgot to say does your daughter actually want to do the college course? You said you wanted her to do one but it should be completely up to her what she wants to do

[SpotOn]

Did she used to mess around when she was in school?

To still be this immature at 25 sounds very out of the ordinary. Are you sure she doesn't have any issues which haven't been diagnosed. It might be worth looking in to.


I'm surprised the tutor was willing to discuss her behaviour with you, TBH. She's an adult, and lots of colleges won't discuss issues with parents of over 18's.

[NWmum86]

Thank you for the replies.

Well I must admit that I wanted her to do a course, She let herself down with the opportunity of bar work (which she said she wanted to do) and moans about the job in the shop. I just felt she needed to do something.

She didnt used to get into too much trouble at school, no more than others but she just hasnt grown up. Couple of her friends seem quite silly too, I've heard her on the phone to her friend, laughing about being told off at college and also the pub when they were out recently.

Although the tutor seemed friendly, I could sense she was reluctant to say too much. To be honest, I wouldn't have even gone into the college if it wasnt for the fact I was due to pick her up and she hadn't come out.

Kids are hard work but I didnt think she's still be giving me headaches!

[LIZS]

I'm amazed any college tutor would discipline an adult in this way. She needs to take responsibility for her own behaviour and I'd expect her to get a warning for disruptive behaviour then be asked to leave the course if she persisted. Are the other students much younger? It sounds as if you are more committed to her course than she is. Are you paying for it too?

[mumeeee]

Yes kids are hard work and you still worry about them when they are grown up. However your daughter is 25 and you need to back off and let her sort her own life out.
If she moans about her job maybe advise her to look for a better one or just get on and do the job. Then let her decide what she wants to do.