DS/DD off to Uni? - Empty nest support thread

(1000 Posts)
rustybear Thu 31-Aug-06 20:09:19

DS is off to Warwick in October - anyone else feeling old? Or are there any old hands with advice ?

fussychica Sat 23-Mar-13 13:42:57

Well he finally got in at 11.30pm after 8hours on trains!

webwiz Sat 23-Mar-13 13:56:24

That's a bit of an epic journey fussy - I bet you're glad he's finally home!

DD2 is coming home on monday and DD1 can't decide what day she wants to travel. She may make a decision after the weekend or maybe not hmm

larry5 Sat 23-Mar-13 19:25:57

Dd is coming home on Easter Sunday having had her final lecture on Thursday. She will only go back for her exams and then after 2 and a half years she will be home for good.

I am amazed how quickly the time has gone since she started and how much she has grown up. Mind you studying hasn't finished as she will be going to Bath Spa in September to do a PGCE in secondary maths but as we only live 8 miles from Bath she will be living at home.

fussychica Sun 24-Mar-13 11:39:06

larry5 we live about 15 miles from Bath and DS thinking of doing a PGCE in MFL at Bath (living at home) following his degree but early days yet. Has year abroad, hopefully working as a language asst first - this should give him a good idea whether teaching is for him.

Doesn't it go quickly? Can't believe that when he goes back he'll only have 6 weeks then he's halfway through his 4 year course. Seems like only yesterday he was a fresher.

A couple of his friends are stuck at Uni as the weather is too bad where they live to risk the journey at the moment. Glad DS came home when he did.

BestIsWest Sun 24-Mar-13 19:05:20

I am amazed too at how quickly it is going, especially this second year. DD has gone across country to stay with her boyfriend's family. That was a marathon journey too, from the west coast to the east in the snow.

Looking forward to having her home next week.

madeofkent Wed 22-May-13 17:39:14

No-one else feeling empty-nestish currently? My son keeps on changing his mind as to what he wants to do next year, but he doesn't intend to spend it here. This is his last proper week of school and I feel very low. My life has been revolving around schools for the past 26 years and it will all come to an end at the end of June. I feel as if I have been made redundant from a job that I love. I shall miss the social life that the school offered too. The plays, concerts and so on. I know I shall get over it eventually, but it doesn't help me right now. None of my friends seem to feel the same way, either, but then my son has been lovely to have around and very good company. His bedroom is the only bone of contention, but I think I shall miss even seeing that horrible mess once he has gone.

alreadytaken Thu 23-May-13 14:20:10

yes, madeofkent, I am and I'm sure there will be others. Perhaps a new thread for those of whose child, or "baby" will be off this year?

fussychica Thu 23-May-13 14:53:13

Just waiting for mine to finish his exams before we pick him up next weekgrin

Just found out he has won a placement in Hamburg, Germany for the entire summer shock so he's only home for a week before he's off again. He get's back mid September then he's off to Bordeaux region a week or so later for his year abroad. Last year he was home for the entire summer break. How will I cope????????????

ithaca26 Sat 25-May-13 16:34:13

Hi MadeofKent,

I joined this site as I am feeling exactly like you. My daughter and I have a really close bond, she will be off in Sept to Uni and I am going to miss her so much. I know what you mean about people not understanding, and telling you to get a life for yourself. Of course we can have our own activities but when it comes down to it - its when the door is closed, the nights draw in and suddenly you realise it is all over. Nothing can replace the connection you have with your own child. Perhaps thats all too deep but just saying thats how I feel

ithaca26 Sat 25-May-13 16:39:28

Hi Alreadytaken, good idea to start a thread on this - lets think of a name for it!

whitecloud Thu 06-Jun-13 18:27:29

ithaca26 - thank you for your post. It says so much about how I feel. I think some parents are longing for more freedom and maybe are more detached from their children. I am very close to my dd and know I'm going to miss her terribly. We have always been very close (except in the worst teenage bit and even that wasn't too bad!). When they are 18 and adult I think the bond really strengthens again and becomes such a friendship. It means that you have done a good job and enjoyed being a mother. I'd rather be very close and miss her a lot. You're right - we do get other interests, but if you have dedicated a lot of your life to your children, it is going to hurt. Unfashionable, I know, but true.

noddyholder Thu 06-Jun-13 18:32:09

My ds is an only child and we are very close so much dothat all our mates call us the 3 musketeers but I am happy that he is branching out and going to experience things without us that he can come home and tell us about. I am not looking forward to him going but I know it's right and natural. I think you do have to look at yourself and your relationship it's inevitable that life is goin to change and be very different but I am hoping to embrace that. I don't think it's unfashionable at all All my friends miss their children but most of them are having a lot of fun as well. It strengthens the bond nothing can change it

noddyholder Thu 06-Jun-13 18:34:48

I don't think wanting to rediscover a bit of life for yourself means you are more detached either. I think that is a bit insulting tbh

LoveMyTeens Tue 02-Jul-13 16:41:56

Feeling sad when they're gone is normal. I had my share of tears when DD went to uni two years ago - trying to pretend not to be upset so I didn't start her crying too was the hardest part! It's lovely now when she's home for a short while, though it never seems to be very long before she's away again. I found texting and chatting on Skype to be a really good way of keeping in touch, though I tend to ask "want to chat?" rather than just calling. Not sure I'll get the same level of communication from DS when he goes next year though - then it will really be an empty nest. Any survival tips??

mumeeee Wed 03-Jul-13 10:27:00

I've posted on this thread over the years. I'm posting again as our youngest is off to uni in September. She is 21 and has learning difficulties and a few years ago we would never have imagined she would be able to go to uni. We are very proud of her but also nervous about her going. She got a letter the other day from the university to say she had a place in the halls she wanted and she was very excited but it made me a bit sad that soon she would be off into the big world on her own. She has a support package in place and I won't be phonimg her everyday but I'll miss her and will probably worry aboyr her losing stuff as she is very disorganised. smile

fussychica Wed 03-Jul-13 14:27:31

Brilliant news mumee but I understand your concerns. Is the uni close? It's a wonderful opportunity for her to take the next step whilst still having a support network in place.

Mine is currently in Germany for the summer and starts an internship at a language school on Monday after a language course. He has just got the internet up & running which is great as we can Skype rather than expensive mobile calls we relied on for the first week or so. We always rely on him to contact us rather than the other way around but are lucky that he is pretty good at keeping in touch - just as well as we won't see him until mid September then he is off 2 weeks later to France for 7 months.

alreadytaken Wed 03-Jul-13 19:10:15

maybe we should be positive and head it newly free? My teenager complains we are making them clear their room and talking of holidays without them. (I should probably say we aren't really clearing the room, although it may be possible to get into it in future. Some long outgrown items are being boxed for storage in the loft, some things are being donated to charity shops). I may go in there and cry when we come back from university but they are moving on and so will we. We dont want them to feel either that we cant wait for them to go or that we cant manage life without them.

RustyBear Tue 30-Jul-13 22:02:04

Mumeee - I remember you were one of the first posters after I started this thread - 7 years ago! Lovely to see you have another one going off this year!

Seven years later both DS and DD have finally left home, though they both came back for a while after leaving uni while they were getting started on their careers - DS is now working for a major publisher in London, though it took him a couple of years of work experience/internships/temporary employment before he was taken on permanently; DD is a recruitment consultant and doing very well - she now earns more than I do!

Milliways Wed 31-Jul-13 17:52:48

Hello Rusty! Come back here on 15th and see if Milliboy will be leaving us too! (Do we get our MN long service badges yet?)

RustyBear Wed 31-Jul-13 19:04:07

Good luck Milliboy!

mumeeee Thu 01-Aug-13 09:36:06

Hi Rustybear. Those 7 years have flown by. DD3 received a text from Bolton on Tuesday saying that her place is now confirmed. She did BTECH and. UCAS have sent the results straight to Bolton. DD3 doesn't actually know her results yet as she is waiting them to be sent to her but She''s obviously got what she needed. I can't believe She''s goiBH. DD1 is now teaching and has just been promoted to head of science. DD2 finished uni last year with a 2:1 degree she is working in a hotel while looking for a Drama related stuff. She has done a bit of work in an after school Drama club.

Geranium45 Tue 06-Aug-13 13:20:27

Hello all, just found this thread so please forgive a newbie. Great to see so many messages and general support. My dd went off to uni 4 years ago and it was the worst thing that ever happened to me! Including divorce..It was lovely when she came back last year to live with us again and start work. She's now gone again to a new life with her boyfriend, miles away. I 'm very proud of her, but god it's painful isn't it. I was just in Tesco and started crying in the dairy aisle because I was buying semi skimmed milk instead of full fat, which is what she had (being v thin). What a twat!

Milliways Tue 06-Aug-13 16:07:28

Aw Geranium, I know how you feel. My DD graduated last year, and got married so truly left home and it's really weird. Nice when we get invited to their house for meals though! grin

Geranium45 Tue 06-Aug-13 17:04:29

Thanks, Milliways! I'll look forward to that - and grandchildren I guess!!

GreenShadow Tue 06-Aug-13 19:26:29

Hi all.
I was briefly on this thread 2 years ago when DS1 was off to university.

Now it's DS2's turn. He's by no means certain to get the grades necessary for his first choice (I'm not altogether convinced he'll even get his 2nd choice which is just one grade lower). It's such a pity as he is by the naturally brightest of our three DS, but is sooo lazy and has had to be really nagged/persuaded/bribed etc to revise for his A levels. How he is going to cope next year without parental pressure, I dread to think. Maybe it'll be the making of him......

Anyway, good luck to everyone else on the 15th.

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