DS/DD off to Uni? - Empty nest support thread

(1000 Posts)
rustybear Thu 31-Aug-06 20:09:19

DS is off to Warwick in October - anyone else feeling old? Or are there any old hands with advice ?

figroll Wed 06-Oct-10 21:47:17

It's a week and a half since my dd1 went and I am slowly getting used to it mainly because I still have dd2 who is 15. She doesn't text unless I text her, which I am surprised about as she was a very thoughtful person until she went away. She seems to have gone completely wild staying out until 5 and getting blind drunk on spirits. The drinking culture is a bit of a worry, to be honest.

toomuchempathy Sat 09-Oct-10 07:36:20

fresher's week/ fortnight ( mine was 3 days ) can be very enticing . DD1 was totally exhausted after a medics week and came home for weekend . DD2 texted that she was very tired and had 3 hours of lectures later that day , when asked why she was tired before the lectures , replied that she hadn't had much sleep in the last two weeks !Hopefully when the work kicks in your dd will have got over the freedom and freshers temptations and will be fine !

ajandjjmum Wed 13-Oct-10 20:26:38

DS - normally quite a sociable soul - didn't enjoy freshers that much. He is settling down now, has lots of contact time and has got himself about 10 hours work a week at the supermarket! I think he'll feel much happier now that he's got some structure to his week. Both he and his girlfriend have said that they were surprised at how lonely they felt at times, and I know quite a few people who are taking time to settle down.

donkeyderby Thu 14-Oct-10 22:03:19

Reporting back after a roller-coaster 3 weeks...DD went incommunicado for 4 days after arrival and kept going offline on FB as soon as I tried to 'chat'. Phone switched off. Finally got her and she said she was lonely and was having 'crippling panic attacks'.

Cue 48 hours of blind mum-panic. I felt so desperate, not being near her. Phoned mental health services at the uni, just to direct her where to go. DD incommunicado once again. Aaaagghh.

She finally sent cheery text to say she was busy staying up until 3am getting drunk and discussing Harry Potter and Dr Who with flatmates (she's a bit nerdy). Enjoying her course and gathering 'friends on FB slowly but surely). Last seen in a FB pic, arm in arm with male flatmate!

Incommunicado again, until phone call asking for money. I said no, she put the phone down.

Have temporarily turned her room into a heavenly sanctuary/sewing room for moi. Loving that and getting used to her complete lack of interest in staying in contact with me! It's been an experience so far!

webwiz Thu 14-Oct-10 22:16:45

I agreed with DD1 that she would send me a weekly email to keep in touch that way she would be in charge of keeping in touch and I wouldn't be encroaching on her fun. She's in the process of signing up for a year in North America for her third year and I have a million questions about it but I suppose it will have to wait till the Christmas holidays.

aquaagua Thu 14-Oct-10 23:14:36

skype is a great way of keeping in touch especially if it has a camera - sometimes you can how the offspring look!

Mine is in her second year and now loving it but found the first year difficult as she loves home and is five hours away.
I do miss her but not like the first few weeks when it was if a limb had been cut off. We get on really well but they have to build their own lives but hopefully she will always be close to me and my husband

figroll Fri 15-Oct-10 11:17:58

I am glad, reading this, that I am not the only one who hardly hears a thing! I feel quite used to there just being 3 of us now, but it would be nice to hear something occasionally. Still I expect it means she is enjoying herself.

Lilymaid Fri 15-Oct-10 13:45:24

You generally only hear when they need money. [Mother of uncommunicative sons emoticon]
If they don't contact you it is probably because they are having a great time.

mrsscoob Fri 15-Oct-10 14:40:30

Ha Ha I am so glad to have found this forum/thread. I was fine about my son going to uni and quite excited for him but he really upset me with his lack of contact, I felt like he was doing it deliberately or something and I actually felt quite down about it, reading this has made me feel much better and realised it is quite normal. Sorry about the girl having panic attacks that must be really worrying I hope she is better now.

donkeyderby Sat 16-Oct-10 12:58:56

Thank God I'm not the only one with a child who won't get in contact! It's SO frustrating and worrying (especially as I'm the mum of the one who said she was getting panic attacks). Spoke to an old friend the other day whose DD has barely been in contact over her 3 years at uni, except for money and at holiday time. I guess they must know we're here if they need us. Thank God for Facebook too - it's the only way I have any idea what she's doing and she looks quite happy in her photos on there......

mumeeee Sat 16-Oct-10 13:31:19

donkeyderby I'm not on Facebook but DH is. However DD2 has not aded him as a friend as she doesn't get her friends who have parents as friends on facebook. She'd rather just have her friends and sisters on it. |Dhdoes sometimes find out what she's up to as he is friends with DD1 on there and of course DD2 does send her messages. She know that and is okay with it.
She does text me but rarely phones. Mainly because she hasn't many minutes on her phone contract but has unlimeted texts.
DH and I were in London yesterday we had benn staying with DD1 and her husband, So we met DD2 for lunch in oxford Stret, Spent a pleasant couple of hours with her before we hasd to go and get our coach back to Cardiff.

WhereDidTheYearsGo Tue 19-Oct-10 19:07:42

Just found this thread again - was on it near the start when dd1 went off to uni - popped back up when dd2 went and now it is the turn of my youngest. He's a boy though - and I can sympathise with all those who have found their ds's don't communicate much. I too kept thinking it was something I had done wrong or that he was glad to escape as we had always chatted loads when he was at home! However DH assures me that ds will feel he has no need to communicate if he is doing fine. Doesn't help me much as I was very teary to start with as my nest is now empty, but it's not about me really I know. Getting used to it now but it doesn't mean I like it much. :-(

Reesie1967 Tue 23-Nov-10 21:55:48

Hi I just found this thread - and am glad that I'm not the only one who's finding this a bit tough. When I left my DD at uni all seemed fine, I even congratulated myself that I had made the transition so seamlessly. The truth though is that I probably put it to the back of my mind - and now that I start to think about it, I really do miss her loads.
She's been good at keeping in touch, and due to work meetings, I've met her a couple of times for dinner (even though she's 4.5 hours away)- but that just makes me a bit sadder.
Meanwhile DD is having a fab time - which is great - and I have DS (16) at home. How on earth will I manage if/when he goes to uni???
Grrrrrr - I was so not expecting to feel like this!
I guess as I was hopeless at leaving them when they were little I shouldn't be surprised. But I am. I do hope it's easier after Christmas

amothersplaceisinthewrong Tue 23-Nov-10 22:00:23

Both of ours are now at Uni. It's wonderful. Just like being a couple pre-kids.

webwiz Tue 23-Nov-10 22:30:08

I found it a bit easier after Christmas Reesie1967 because you know they can manage and have come home at the end of term in one piece.

I'm already having some wobbles about next year when DD2 goes and DD1 will be having a year in America and so will be miles away. It will just be me, DH and DS(13) and they both think talking is overratedhmm

funnyperson Wed 24-Nov-10 15:02:39

My DS went to uni this October I felt so proud and happy as he is in a lovely hall of residence near Marylebone and he is having a great time and loves his course and has a girlfriend and contrary to all my fears has met his essay deadlines and is not on drugs. However I broke my preuni promise to only ring him once a week within 3 days because I missed him so and now I speak with him every three days or so- not for long- he doesnt seem to mind. Took him out to dinner with his sister who is still at home in 6th week which went down well on both sides.

larry5 Thu 25-Nov-10 14:20:35

Dd went off in September and has been home once since then. We speak about twice a week and communicate by e-mail sometimes.

Unfortunately I have had to sort a medical problem for her - she was referred to a consultant by the uni doctor so had to ring choose and book who gave her another number who then gave her a third number. I rang Patient Advice for her and it was all sorted but it is very difficult thinking of them as responsible people when they have problems and you still want to look after them.

I am looking forward to Christmas although she has a job for a week (she is going to be an elf).

mumeeee Thu 25-Nov-10 15:34:58

I Know what you mean lary5. DD1 is in her second year at uni but still phones us if she has a problem that she is not sure how to sort out, She also just phones for advice sometimes which is good.

harbingerofdoom Wed 09-Feb-11 22:05:44

I've just realised that both of them are starting this Sept. DD1 is on a gap year and couldn't decide (despite A*'A B). Is now over the wobbles. DD2 doing A levels this year with offers from the unis she wants.

mumof3teens Mon 14-Feb-11 15:18:32

Well DS3 has now got all 5 offers - v pleased and proud of him. He is very run down at atm with Glandular Fever, so struggling to keep up with school and work. Needs to decide on firm and back-up, which is a great situation to be in. Still ploughing round the post-offer open days and changing his mind with each new visit! Can't believe DH and I will be on our own in the house for the first time in 24 years shock.

webwiz Mon 14-Feb-11 21:40:55

Hope your DS feels better soon mumof3teens we've just seen the back of a glandular fever flare up over christmas and throughout the january modules. We'll have to wait and see how much it affected DD2's results. She's been lucky enough to have 5 offers as well and is trying to choose. We've got two more post offer open days to go and then its decision time.

DS is in year 9 so I've got a few years to go until its just me and DH. Both DD's will have finished university by then so I'll have to persuade them not to come back to live at home!

mumof3teens Tue 15-Feb-11 17:02:58

Thanks webwiz he looks v pale and is tired all the time. He started in Jan and had 2 lots of ABs for 'tonsillitis'. He had a blood test which confirmed GF, but the Doc said his white cell count was low. It had improved last week, but they are testing him again in 2 weeks. He went in to the Jan exams then came straight home to bed sad
We have just Sheffield and Bristol open days then decision time. What does your DD want to study?

webwiz Tue 15-Feb-11 18:55:30

DD2 wants to do Maths. Bath is her first choice and she's choosing between Nottingham and York for insurance. We are going to York next week and spending a night there so we can look at the shops too.

GF is a horrible thing and the only thing that helps is rest. DD2 couldn't eat very much because of her throat and ended up really thin. Her clothes were hanging off her and she was really upset about it so we've been living in the house of chocolate. I have to try and not eat it though as I do not need to gain any weight at all!

RustyBear Tue 15-Feb-11 19:34:39

Nice to see this thread is still going 4.5 years after I started it!

maryz Tue 15-Feb-11 20:25:47

This must surely be the longest-running thread ever not to reach the 1,000 posts smile.

Talk about "slow and steady wins the race".

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