Flower I felt really tearful reading your story. You sound just like the kind of person I wish I had had to care for me. Somebody must have looked after me from 0 to 5 years but I simply don't remember them, their house or anything about these years. I was unlucky and the various foster homes I can remember were not too good so it was a Childrens Home for me most of the time. I wish we had met earlier !

Thank you BaDa, new mum texted last night to say she'd been a bit grizzly but was now tucked up in her new cot with the blanket I'd made her, (I make all my lo's a blanket and very lightly spray some of my perfume on it before they leave) She promised to keep in touch too

Flower, you are an inspiration. I think its beautiful how much you clearly cared for your foster child. She is very very lucky to have had you in her life, and I have no doubt she will come back to thank you once she is old enough.

NanaNina, thank you, I have "moved on" many many babies and up until a few years ago older children too, in our 22 years as foster parents. It never gets easier, although I used to kid myself it would.

I have some very good foster carer friends but they all foster older children and they tell me it's not as difficult with for example, teenagers.

The best support I have is my family who know exactly what I go through and who are there for me when I need to talk or to simply hold my hand when I need that too.

I periodically attend courses in "helping children move on" and I have suggested on many occasion, that perhaps a course on helping foster carers to cope with moving them on would be a good thing to have. No luck so far though

Dear Flower - I have never fostered but am an ind social worker now after retiring (30 years with a l.a. in child protection, fostering and adoption) I now assess propsective foster carers and adoptors. You have had lots of lovely comments on MN and of course you will know that you have give this child the very best start in life. Is it possible to do anything better for a child - I thik not. Is this your first time of moving a baby on for adoption or is it this one is particularly poignant for you?

What about getting together with a few of your foster carer friends who have been inthe same boat and can talk about it all with people who know how it feels. No doubt there willbe more placements along soon to keep you busy and your mind occupied!

Having said that, be gentle with yourself and don't try to stifle your feelings - have a good cry and do whatever you need to do - it is a grieving process after all.

Thank you all, I have my grandson staying at the moment, he's 10 and, bless his heart, is busy telling me jokes to cheer me up.

Holidays, I tried that holding back thing some years ago, I thought I could spare myself some of what I'm feeling now. I lasted 3 days before I said "sod it I'm a grown up and this isn't fair on either of us" now I love them from the start and consider this part a price to be paid for the joy I've had.

I'm steeling myself to strip her cot at the moment but I keep putting it off

Flower and some <<hugs>> from me too xx
will her new family keep in touch?

oh flower, huge hugs from me. i used to live next door to foster carers and became good friends with them. I remember them saying that part of you thinks it would be easier to try and stay a little detached so that your heart doesn't break when they go, but that you have to put that to one side and give everything to the foster child and love them as if they are with you forever so that they get to experience the love and security they need, and then just deal with the broken heart once they're gone. I saw it with them, and I can tell you do the same for your foster children. It's such a special gift you have given to this little girl - the chance to have a great life after a horrible start, and to understand what it feels like to be completely loved. i think you are amazing.

take care of yourself over the next few days and weeks,esp with DH away. Spoil yourself a little, it's an order

Oh Flower <<hug>>

You make such a difference for these babies, and for their 'forever' families, but it must break your heart each time.

She's just left I feel so empty