privileges and expectations for a 16yr old girl.

[willowrose30]

We currently have our first placement in. A 16yr old girl who has just finished school.
I am wondering about your experiences with this age group with regard to how much freedom they receive and what rules are put in place.
Specific questions are. Curfew times and bedtimes? Should she have a door key? Should she be allowed in her bedroom with her boyfriend if door is left open?
Any other relevant advice would also be much appreciated. Many thanks.

[wonderpants]

Would this not all be covered in the placement planning meeting with the social worker?
I think these things will all be negotiated to the needs of the young person, rather than be rigid rules based on age. 16 year old girls are all very different!

[willowrose30]

She came to us as an emergency respite placement. I have yet to have a placement meeting. She may now be staying longer as the previous placement has broken down. I was just wondering the general consensus, though ofcourse each childs needs will differ. Thanks for the reply. Much appreciated.

[suzylee73]

A lot of placements break down at this age sadly. A 16 year old that has finished school is about to embark on "adult life" be it college or work and they will be wanting all the freedom an adult would have, it's a really tricky balancing act for you to keep her safe and to allow her to find her way in life.

I would definitely hang fire on the door key until you know her and more about her. Curfew is always a hard one as kids this age always have a friend that can come and go as they please, maybe explain to her that she needs to come home before you go to bed as you need to lock up. Its hard to make a suggestion to a time as every child is different. My 16 year old had to be in by 10.30pm, this gave her enough time to get tipsy but not to roll in too drunk! Oh the joys of teenagers. Wonderpants is right though, you should get advice from your SSW.

Its easier to be over cautious and allow her to earn your trust and then you can relax the rules if you feel it's suitable but it's almost impossible to rein them in if you have allowed them too much too soon.

Good luck :)

[willowrose30]

Thankyou, thats really helpful. We are definitely erring on the side of caution at the moment.
I just wandered what the average times were and what freedoms a 16 yr old expected . I can only just about remember being that age myself!! ;) Hopefully if she stays a bit longer we will have a placement meeting and can discuss it all then. She is being very agreeable at the moment so we are enjoying the "honeymoon period" while she settles in. :)

[suzylee73]

Discuss with her what time she wants to stay out till. My 14 year old is going to the cinema and I am picking her up at 10.45 which is very late for a girl her age but she is so sensible I don't need to worry.

I think it depends on what they are doing and if they are taking part in risky behaviour.

At 16 I was going to the pub with my 18 year old boyfriend and I had to be in at 11.30 at weekends.

[Midsummersolstice]

Certainly would say no to a door key. I've fostered for years and never let any of mine have one. I like to know who is in my house when I'm out and whilst I may have felt comfortable with the foster children, I've very often not been so happy about their friends (or family members). I've always started with pretty strict curfews and lifted them as and when it was appropriate so it was a case of them being pleased to stay out late rather than expecting it and being grumpy if we said no. We've never let girlfriends/boyfriends stay over either. This all sounds like a big list of can'ts, but it really is better to get the ground rules sorted early, especially if you are in the honeymoon period. I would push for that placement meeting if I were you!

[Thefishewife]

Make sure she I'd on a implant and not the pill you don't want this Turing into a mother and baby placement