Disillusioned

(11 Posts)
yellowribbons Sun 20-Apr-14 12:02:48

I wondered how other Foster Carers cope when 'the system' very badly fails the children they are trying to protect. When not only us but all SWs, schools, medics and other professionals know it is not, or ever can be, right for a child to be returned to the parents - but somehow, by a tiny legal technicality they are. Obviously I cannot explain the exact circumstances, but it is so heartbreaking to look at this little boy, knowing his future now is so bleak, and that we have to let him go and be returned to basically hell. I know the SWs feel the same way, but no one can do anything about it. It is just so wrong.

I have to say it is not that we are particularly attached to this little one, we were working towards moving him onto an adoptive family and perfectly content just to have him for a short while. But now that it is not possible and any hope of a chance at a happy childhood is now gone.

Sorry, I know there is no real answer or reply, just wanted to rant. I am just so disillusioned, and so sad a child who was just beginning to emerge from the horrors of his past, will now be returned to it. And there is nothing anyone can do.

Misfitless Sun 20-Apr-14 17:23:38

sad How awful.

wonderpants Sun 20-Apr-14 17:53:54

I think this is every foster carers nightmare. Have you spoken to the guardian and IRO about your concerns?

yellowribbons Sun 20-Apr-14 18:25:55

Thanks for understanding. Yes, Wonder - they are well aware of the consequences, they are just as concerned as me, but it is out of their hands too. Sorry for not being able to explain more.

wonderpants Sun 20-Apr-14 22:00:58

I do feel for you! I have said previously that if this happened to me, I couldn't continue to foster if I didn't have faith the system was doing the right thing. Stay strong, we can't save every child, we can only do the best we can do whilst they are with us. The love and stability will still be a bonus in a difficult childhood!

jbean3 Sun 20-Apr-14 23:38:42

Stay strong and hope that they will be able to file another ICO or EPO. Hopefully the next time they get it right.

Roshbegosh Sat 03-May-14 11:21:57

He might end up back in care so maybe there is still some hope. IME the birth mothers that lose their children to the care system are in a permanent state of denial, they fight for and fantasise about them being together again as a happy family but the reality is that the best they can do is tattoo the child's name on themselves and fuck it all up again.

HermioneWeasley Sat 03-May-14 11:23:31

Boils my piss. Far too much emphasis on keeping kids with families and the rights of parents IMO.

yellowribbons Sat 03-May-14 14:50:32

He might end up back in care so maybe there is still some hope. IME the birth mothers that lose their children to the care system are in a permanent state of denial, they fight for and fantasise about them being together again as a happy family but the reality is that the best they can do is tattoo the child's name on themselves and fuck it all up again.

You're so right, Rosh, it's my experience too. However in this one case it is less likely because they'll be "doing a runner" (and everyone knows that).

Roshbegosh Sat 03-May-14 15:36:01

That's just awful, what a horrible outcome. angry

fasparent Sun 04-May-14 00:21:02

Quite a few years ago ours did a runner , two siblings left in care, 24 years on wanted too meet their sibling when did , found out father had just been jailed for 10 years for similar offences in the community . They were devastated.

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