advice needed please x

(17 Posts)
jojofun22 Tue 25-Jun-13 22:33:03

so uncertain as to what to do... 10yr fc girl, been with us nearly 6 weeks , yes i know 6 weeks isnt long but she is so ignorant, makes me feel uncomfortable in my own home,she wont talk totally ignores you when you try to engage her in something. she is an only placement and can only ever be, this is one problem as she is used to a busy household, doesn't want to join any clubs or make friends.her behavior on the plus side has improved in school.. my ssw is coming on friday and i really dont know what to do. we have spoke with fc but there is nothing coming back.

Hardhaton Tue 25-Jun-13 22:38:05

I think you might have to play the long game with her. She's probably waiting to be moved on so she's in the mind set of thinking why bother with friends and clubs when she will move on.
Your gonna have to be patient and hope she settles in

jojofun22 Tue 25-Jun-13 22:43:01

hmmm her future is uncertain,the plan was to go home hopefully but looks the the other siblings (4) fate will be the same.think once things are sorted she will go to LA carers as I'm agency x

Hardhaton Tue 25-Jun-13 22:48:19

Although she's only 10, she more than likely knows what's gonna happen or at least suspects. Stick with her and give her your best side. One day when she's older she will remember ur support even if she was a bitch.
Try and smile and get thro each thing.

jojofun22 Tue 25-Jun-13 23:02:59

thanks hun,xxx

jojofun22 Wed 26-Jun-13 22:13:48

Just to update, she has asked to be moved to another placement. sw is coming tomorrow to discuss things with her , feeling slightly dejected x

Mum2lots Wed 26-Jun-13 22:52:42

Chin up it hurts but how safe must she feel to speak up xxxx well done you xxxx

jojofun22 Mon 01-Jul-13 18:14:20

Well my future is in the hands of a 10 year old, if she does leave we are back in front of panel as this is within our 1st year, hmmm feel like saying move her and I quit. x

myfirstkitchen Mon 01-Jul-13 18:18:11

Well say it then. If you can't cope with unhappy children its best they go elsewhere.

It shouldn't be about you. She's a scared frightened child.

Roshbegosh Mon 01-Jul-13 18:48:33

Yes kitchen you are right. The little girl has been through God knows what and can't easily be sociable and trusting. Surely OP you knew it would be very likely you'd experience this as a Carer. Focus on her and don't expect anything back, at least not yet. Holding your agency/LA over a barrel with a threat to quit doesn't make much sense to me. You don't want this child but will quit if she is moved .... Eh?

Hardhaton - a bitch, really? I know we all usually want to support the OP but that is a bit much about a 10 year old fosling. It makes me cringe.

NanaNina Mon 01-Jul-13 19:58:19

I agree with your post Rosh and *my first kitchen*- I hardly ever criticise foster carers as I know what a difficult job it can be and how many devoted foster carers are out there caring for some very traumatised children. However when I read the OP I was shocked to hear this child being called "ignorant" - I honestly don't think I've ever heard of a foster carer using this word in relation to a child.

I'm not surprised the child wants to be moved and yes I think you should quit fostering OP. It clearly isn't for you. Mind as you are an IFA carer they may try to keep you because they "sell" their carers to the LA for big profits. Most LAs are so short of money unlike the iFAs that they will usually try to move a child back to their own foster carers when there is a vacancy.

Hardhaton Mon 01-Jul-13 20:02:13

I meant it as she looks back upon herself when she's 20 odd. As in ' omg I was a bitch to her when I was 10, but she stood by me'
Not that she's a bitch now.

Roshbegosh Mon 01-Jul-13 20:11:05

Oh I see, apologies then hardhaton.

Panadbois Tue 02-Jul-13 07:34:17

No doubt you knew what you were getting into Op, but until you do it, you never know how you'd cope.

Why not see if the next placement will be easier? My fist placement nearly broke me too smile, but now I know my limits, and have a lovely little one with me now, albeit a toddler. I honestly thought to myself 'How bad can a five year old be?', I soon found out I couldn't cope and wasn't the best person to help him.

Because of this, regardless of my best intentions, I decided to foster babies from then on.

Sorry about lazy post grammatically said lovely toddler has been up since half four

motherearth64 Tue 02-Jul-13 11:24:59

Hi I have a troubled fc at this min, stick with ur fc and things will get better,
most fc's would give the world to be back at home regardless of the situation and how ever bad it was.
i can ask a question and i get a blanked look and no answer but i know that the fc can only see what her needs are and nothing else. I'm like yourself in the my fc wants to leave (watching too much tracey beaker gives a rosy glint of foster care) as its not what she thought it would be.
and i dont think you truely know what its like till you are in the situation. good luck

Hardhaton Tue 02-Jul-13 21:24:45

Op how did the meeting go?

scarlet5tyger Wed 03-Jul-13 15:16:09

I foster very young children and lots of them could be seen as "ignorant" to outsiders - they refuse to answer simple questions, or are rude to people. In actual fact they're very damaged little people who cope with a hugely traumatic situation by withdrawing into themselves.

I agree with the comment about people having a rosy glow of foster caring. It's an incredibly demanding job and its often not until you begin doing it that you realise all the challenges it can throw at you. OP have you had support from your SSW? You can also get lots out of your support groups and from other carers.

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